Will Arnett (FULL EPISODE) | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

[music] Hi, my name is Will Arnett and I. feel just fine about being Conan. O'Brien's friend. [music]. Hey there and welcome to Conan O'Brien. needs a friend joined by Matt Gorley. How are you Matt? >> Good, thanks. >> And uh Sona Mosian and Sona. >> Yeah, >> this is kind of an interesting day. You. of course famously my assistant for many.

years. >> Yeah. >> And then things started to change a bit. Uh I had babies. >> You had babies. Um you stepped back from. >> from that role and you've risen to great. fame. >> on this podcast uh and in your own right. and uh you're an author now, a lecturer. >> You're a phenomenon. >> I am a lecturer and an author. >> Yeah. You're like share now. And I think. >> I wish. >> another Armenian star. >> Yes. >> So.

>> um this is unusual because David. Hopping, a young lad from Southern. Illinois, uh rose up from the ranks. You. anointed him and he's my day-to-day. assistant. >> Yeah. >> He's gone right now. He's gone to the. Midwest uh for a wedding, I believe. And. you stepped back into my role today as. my assistant. >> Yeah. So, you texted me this morning, you know, asking me, "Oh, we need to do. these things today. Here's what's. happening." And I thought, "Sona's back.

We're back in the New York groove.". >> Yeah. You know what's funny? We just had. an interview and I had ordered you lunch. before the interview. And in my head, I. was like, I hope Conan's lunch is here. Is it here? Should someone go and take. it and like maybe put it in the fridge? Like, I started to just. >> go back into assistant mode. Yes. >> It's It's weird. How easily does it come. back or is it like riding a bike or. >> Yeah, it's really it's really not hard. Although today I had to get on my phone. for something and I was driving so I had. to, you know, I was really nervous about.

doing whatever I needed to do on time. and I I had to pull off the freeway and. then park and like do whatever I needed. to do. I got nervous. We immediately got. into the thing where you're my assistant. and you have to take care of things and. I start riffing and being a fool. >> So this morning, um, you knew that I have this medical. appointment later on just to go to an. eye doctor, get my eyes checked, >> uh, and cuz I'm just wondering, do I.

need a new glasses prescription or. whatever? So, I'm just going to go see. this doctor and he's going to give me. those drops that dilate your eyes and I. know that. And so, Sona this morning. said, "You can't drive. So, um, I'll. drive you the appointment." So, do so. she told me, "Don't take your car to. work today cuz I'll be driving you. >> and then you'll get a whatever. You'll. give me a lift home." So, all that's. going to happen. So, I need a way to get.

to work. And Sona said, "I'll call you. an Uber. Let me know." And then I might. even have it here. >> It was intense. >> This is what happens. >> Uh cuz also I was like, I got to I got. to order him an Uber. I got to do it. quick. I can't let him waiting forever. >> So, here we go. She says, "Let me know. when you're ready and I'll order an Uber. for you." And I was done with a meeting. I had at the house and I said, "Okay, you can order it now." And she says, "Okay, hold, please." And I immediately.

respond, "Hurry exclamation point. What's happening?" exclamation question. mark. Hello. I'm scared. Three exclamation points. And Sonar, that's immediately. immediately. And she says, "I'm doing. it. I have to connect my corporate card. Don't poop yourself." And [laughter]. then she writes back 2 minutes. Double. exclamation point. Let me know if you. need more time and I'll tell the driver. to wait. Your name is Sona. cuz she's. ordering it for me. It's in her name.

>> Yeah. >> And I write all caps, that's too long to. wait. [laughter]. >> She writes back, "You've changed." I. write, "AH." [screaming]. AND this is all happening instantly. She. says, "Actually, no, you haven't." And I. said, "I just died from waiting. I'm a ghost." [laughter] And then I sent. an emoji of a ghost. She writes, "Who's going to interview. Rachel Senate?" Who's recording for. today? >> "Who's going to record today's guest?". "Not it," she says. And then I write.

her, "Hello, I am a policeman. I just. found this cell phone next to a skeleton. of someone waiting for an Uber.". [laughter]. Sona immediately writes back, "Does he. have any cash on him, police officer? We. can split it." [laughter] I write, "Deal.". She says, "Thank you for your service.". >> Yes. >> How are you even ordering an Uber and. texting all this at the same time? Like, how are you even doing your job when the. job is you just have to riff with Conan?

>> Riff. It's riffing with Con. It's doing. it and then riffing with him. That's. what I remember the job is. >> Yeah. And and Sona knows that the riff. is more important than the uber showing. [laughter]. >> So, she's immediately all in on the. riff. And then she immediately goes. into, "Oh, hello officer." When I lay. out that I'm a skeleton, >> I prioritize. It's prioritizing. Takes. priority over him coming to work. >> And the best thing that would happen if. there was a screw up. This is where it. gets tricky. If there was a screw up and.

the Uber didn't come. >> Oh yeah. >> That's I don't care if I'm late. I don't. care if there's, you know, major. problems in our company because I'm. late. I'm more interested in Oh my god, this is great. The Uber didn't come. Now. I get to have that. Yeah. >> As uh you know, as new improv fun. >> Oh, yeah. >> And then we can I can make that work for. two days. There can be two days riffs of. me wandering the streets of LA. >> Two years. Okay. >> And then in two years, you'd be like,

"Hey, remember when you didn't get that. Uber for me?" SAY IT. >> YUM. YUM. YUM. YUM. YUM. >> And you know what? [laughter]. >> When I have something like that on. somebody, it's a tasty. >> Oh, it's a it's a sweet gobstopper. It's. an everlasting Willy Wonka gobstopper. It never stops giving. >> Make a mistake around me and I'm. delighted. >> He loves He loves the mistakes more than. you actually doing your job. >> He's hoping. He's rooting. You're. rooting against me. >> I root against you because it's the most.

delicious thing in the world. >> Must [laughter] be a fulfilling job to. have. >> It sure is, girls. >> Well, welcome back. >> Yeah, I'm happy to be back here. >> All right. Well, let's get into today's. show. And I root against this guest. [laughter] I want him to screw up. I. hope he doesn't show because I like the. riff more than I like the actual. interview. >> Yeah. >> My guest today is a hilarious actor who. starred in the Emmy award-winning series. Arrested Development and co-hosts the. Smartless podcast. Now you can see him. in the new movie Is This Thing On? I'm. thrilled he's here. He's hilarious. Will.

Arnette, welcome. [music]. >> This is crazy. You just opened a box. This is like pulp fiction. A light is. coming out. What is that? It's like his. Tommy gun. So exciting. >> Oh, this is just a U87. >> That's right. >> I don't know. [laughter]. >> It's only the Rolls-Royce of microment. Yeah. It really is. You want to touch my. is what do you call this? You know, this. is. >> this is a reissue or this is original. >> No, this is a real That's a real deal. This is like a Beatles.

>> I'm so excited right now. I'm sorry. You. You don't You wouldn't understand it cuz. you don't have a vocal quality. I mean, it's [laughter] barely. >> There is not a thing you can talk about. in mics that I don't know. >> It's it's you know, [laughter]. >> the dream right here. >> This is I mean, this is the U87. >> I'm scared to hold it. >> I mean, god damn it. What do you What. year do you think this is? >> And also modeled after me. [laughter]. >> They took a. >> It looks like you. >> Yeah, they took a looks like you. >> off of me. They said it's a special. You.

know, the Germans are. >> I mean, first of all, you uh you know, >> Yeah. I don't want to blow smoke up your. ass, but you are the master of uh. >> by so many liquids. >> You're the master. [laughter]. >> You are the master of voice over. You. really are. And I hear your I mean I. can't. >> I try to flee your ads. Uh. >> Reese's pieces. >> Good luck. >> That's a truck. You once got all. confused cuz you shoot so much of this. >> Do you remember the commercial you did.

where you went Reese's? It's a truck. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> And I do. There's a low light. Yeah, but. thank you. Of course, I remember that. >> But why did they even air it? >> Humiliating. Why did they humiliate me? >> But this is I mean, I'm not going to. lie. This is a U87. Uh, >> thanks for telling the truth on that. >> This is a P48. These are gorgeous. These. are amazing. >> It's funny. Remember. >> when you were Eduardo, when you were. working out the mics, >> you asked me about um.

>> what mic I wanted. I said I want a. Blowhouser. Remember? >> Blhouser. Blowhouser 57 57 KKK. >> and um they're you can't get them. You. can't get a Blowhouser 57. Uh and. they're hard to get. >> Can't get one new. [laughter]. >> Do you know you know anything about the. dark web? >> I've heard of the dark web. [laughter]. >> Where's the show broadcast? Just for. legal reasons. [laughter]. >> Um well, listen. Um. >> I didn't even plug it. I just I just. brought it into Flex.

>> Incredible to have. I want I wanted you. guys to know how I'm living. >> No, no, no. There's nothing sad. [laughter] impressive. >> There's nothing about sad about carrying. around a microphone in a box. There's. nothing There's nothing at all sad about. that. >> By the way, imagine that I packed it up. from my house. I had it in the passenger. seat of my car. I drove across town. >> You put a seat belt over it. >> basically [laughter]. because I thought it was cool. >> It is cool. >> Listen, you're on a real podcast now. None of this. [laughter] Hey, me and two.

of my friends are not going to know. anything about a guest, [laughter]. >> you know, and then jerk off. [laughter]. >> God, [sighs]. >> Yeah, >> you guys are killing it. Listen, let me. just [laughter]. I mean that all came from envy because I. remember when you guys before you. started this guy called me before they.

started their podcast and we were like. we're killing it. I get a call from this. guy and he's like we're trying to do a. fraction of what you do and he was all. he was all scared. I was like will just. lower your voice a little. He's like but. I'm scared it's up high. And I said what. is it? And he said just don't know what. to do. And I said calm down. I said, "Just, you know, make sure that you get. what is it? A U87 U87.". >> He's like, "I'm writing this down.". >> And then remember you said, "What do we. do?" I said, "These are your friends. Just talk. Just talk.".

>> I could barely write. If you remember, I. said cuz the tears of the paper was so. wet. Remember, I couldn't write. [laughter] anything down. You You're So, this is so It was tears and urine. He. was peeing onto the paper. >> Yeah. But that was that was just for. that was just for gigs. You know, I did. this podcast back uh back at the at the. old location and uh I'm short. [clears throat] on time and um. [laughter] Shen location. >> So, I'm over there and I and I remember. walking out I remember walking out to my.

car after doing it after absolutely. destroying. Yeah. >> Right. And [laughter] I remember I. remember I was carried out by your staff. on their shoulders. >> True. >> Right. It was an unbelievable and like. who the who the stuffed. confetti in the ceiling? They [laughter]. knew. They knew this was going to. happen. >> I whispered to him, "Take me with you.". [laughter]. >> And remember, I don't know if you. remember this, but I think one of the. interns made a golden crown for you and. put it on your head and it said, "Best. podcaster ever.". >> Ever. And they filled up, they had one.

of those huge tanks on the lot of Warner. Brothers, and they said, "Could you walk. across this [laughter]. one one of your PAs with this look of. amazement, right?". >> I remember that. So, I remember I. getting in my car and I says to my. driver, I says, "Just drive. Just drive. >> Just drive. [laughter]. >> Just drive.". >> But I remember thinking, "If this. guy [laughter]. can do a podcast, if if if this.

>> Are you Maniscalo? Are you Sebastian. Maniscalo? This guy. [laughter]. This guy. >> I wish I wish I was I wish I was selling. out arenas every night of the week. >> I'm saying again I'm saying this out of. jealousy. I wish I met people routinely. in my life who so amazed me I could go. this guy. >> Right. >> Anyway. >> Anyway, I know I was into it. Yeah. Let's get back to me for a second. And. you know, let me know if it's okay to.

interrupt you. I'm only the guest. [laughter] and and and and. write down which the expression I'm. think is just desserts. OKAY. [laughter]. So. so uh no I did I it's true story I I did. the podcast with you guys and it was so. much fun and I thought it would be fun. to do it with people that I like and. have fun with. That's actually a true. story. >> Yeah. >> And I did think I I hate saying it. you. guys are very good at what you do. And. so I thought if we do it, everybody's.

doing a podcast and we're gonna look. like a bunch of ding-dongs. >> Yeah. >> So we I I went into it with even less of. a format than you had. >> If you can imag [laughter]. the concept is this, right? Is this. >> who knows that fell away very quickly. Now it's just. >> Well, apparently it's being held on to. pretty tightly. [laughter] Well, Adam. Saxs, he is Rainman when he doesn't get.

to watch Wapner. If we don't do that. right away, he flips. >> That's our format. >> He flips. We've got. >> It's our [laughter] format. It's our. format when he doesn't get to I mean, listen, you might want to update the. references. What is happening? >> Well, first of all, that movie just came. out, [laughter]. >> didn't it? >> No. >> Are you sure? >> I think it's been 40 years, 35 years. >> Oh, you know what? I think it's funny. It's time to go back in time. Remember? >> Oh, let's do that as a That should be a. new segment.

>> Didn't that come out? >> Yeah. Let's go back in time. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, hey, >> hey. And now we're here. >> Now we're here. Uh you um you guys are. killing it, obviously. >> We're having fun. We're having fun. >> Okay, don't do that. >> No, no, no. We're having a good time. >> Well, I don't know what that's like, but. I want to say this. >> I You catch the wink. I look at the I. look at you three. I saw it. Trust me, I. saw the wink. And I saw how hard it was. for you to do the wink. I [laughter] saw. how ballsied you are. You can't do the. wink.

>> Oh, way to go. Just give him stuff to. cut. >> You know what's amazing? [laughter]. >> I get Sean Hayes. I get it. >> You do. >> I get the Shawn Hayes. And then when you. said, "And Baitman's going to be there, too." I have to [clears throat] admit, >> I thought, "Oh, this guy wants to fly.". Yeah. >> And so in one arm, he's got this giant. wing. Yeah. And then you're holding an. anvil in the other hand. >> I was shocked that you chose Baitman. >> Have you had Baitman in here? >> Well, he's We did. We did. And you know. what he did the whole time?

>> Yeah. >> Um I think at one point someone tried to. get him to eat eat a tic tac and he was. like, I can't. Oh, you know what he did. say at one point? I took a sip of a soda. and he went, you don't like your body. very much. [laughter]. >> Cuz I think he wants to live. I don't. want to live as long as Baitman wants to. live. He wants to live to be 190. I've. said this a couple times, so forgive me, but I said to him recently, I said, "You. know what's going to happen? You're. going to be on your deathbed from. malnutrition, and I'm going to be Gurnie.

side [laughter] with a hot fudge. sundae.". >> Yep. >> With 30 years to go. [laughter]. >> You're visiting him. >> Yeah, I'm visiting him smoking. Yep. >> And eating a hot fudge Sunday. Is there. anything better than a hot fudge Sunday, by the way? >> Oh, it's so good. That to me, >> I love a hot fudge Sunday. Sorry. >> Wow. And so [laughter] are you getting. better at podcasting? >> No, we're getting we're getting terri. I'm getting worse at it. Have you ever. read the comments on your own podcast? You some every No, you don't.

>> They edit them heavily. They only they. do, you know, Adam. Adam makes sure I don't see the ones. that are like, "How why is he allowed to. have a podcast?" He takes all those ones. out and he shows me ones that goes he. says, "We got three comments from last. week." And I'll be like, "Well, here it. says we got over 75,000 come." Like, nope. It was only three. Yippy Conan, you go Conan. They're all from. >> carefully curated. >> You're the same idea. >> Adams.net. [laughter] Um,

>> but. >> Conan is a host was one of the comments. you chose [laughter] to show me, which. shows you. >> still this guy. >> Um, comedy kicks at the K. So, my uh I used. to look at the thing and they'd be like, "These guys are terrible. They interrupt. people all the time. These guys are the. worst. I hate this sound. And I keep. going like, let me get let me remind. it's free. They don't have to listen. [laughter] What's the problem? >> It's not an assignment. >> I I read the greatest quote that we we. don't have to get into now, but I get.

about comments online. It's quite long, so I'm not going to bore you, but it's. so good. It's from this book written. Do. you know Sally Rooney? Have you ever. read it? >> I know Sally Rooney. >> You ever read Intermets last year? And. >> I didn't read that. No. >> Really, really good. And she has this. other one called Beautiful World. Where. are you? came out like three or four. years ago. There's this quote at the end. that Buck is about. Can I read it? >> Yeah. >> I mean, we can always because you just. keep listing things she's done. And I. like her [laughter] quote. >> Normal. She's great. Uh yeah, she went. to Amherst. Uh she's. >> No, no, she displaces about 65 L of.

water. If you put her in a tank, I got. them right. >> Honestly, your your references are all. like old andor about New England. There's [laughter] a whole world. out there. I'm so It's It's so boring. Get out. >> Why don't you go choke on a Red Sox bat. while you're at it? [laughter]. >> This is what I'm talking about. >> What are you, Mayor White? And it's 1975. Fisk over here. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. Hey, why don't. you go fill in the Back Bay so there's. more usable land, [laughter].

>> What? >> I mean, you know, >> the [laughter] back bay. >> I don't understand it. >> Newbury Street. He's getting into. >> Tell him to shoot the noob. >> Shoot the noob. >> Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, uh get back to. you were on Sto Drive and. classic. >> Yeah. Yeah. Route nine. >> So, this woman writes this thing, uh. this book, they're writing emails to. each other. This woman, she's a uh she's. a writer and she's writing a a note to. her friend and she's just done an. interview about her new book. She says,

"Uh, I don't know if you've been. following any of this, but about a month. ago, I was doing an interview over email. and a journalist asked me what my. partner thought of my books. Unthinkingly, I wrote back that he had. never read them." So, of course, this. became the headline of the interview. Alice Keller, "My boyfriend has never. read my books." And afterwards, Felix, her boyfriend, saw a popular tweet. saying something like, "This is tragic. She deserves better." He showed me the. tweet on the screen of his phone one. evening without saying anything. And. when I asked what he thought about it, he shrugged. And at first, I thought a. perfect example of our shallow self-. congratulatory book culture in which.

non-readers are shunned as morally. inferior. And the more books you read, the better you are than everyone else. But then I thought, no, what we really. have here is an example of a presumably. normal, insane person whose thinking has. been deranged by the concept of. celebrity. An example of someone who. genuinely believes that because she has. seen my photograph and read my novels, she knows me personally and in fact. knows better than I do what is best for. my life. And it's normal. It's normal. for her not only to think of these. bizarre thoughts privately, but to. express them in public and receive. positive feedback and attention as a.

result. She has no idea that she is in. this small limited respect quite. literally insane because everyone around. her is also insane in exactly the same. way. They really cannot tell the. difference between someone they have. heard of and someone they personally. know and they believe that the feelings. they have about this person they imagine. me to be intimacy, resentment, hatred, pity are as real as the feelings they. have about their own friends. And it. makes me wonder whether celebrity. culture has sort of metastasized to fill. the emptiness left by religion like a.

malignant growth where the sacred used. to be. >> Jesus Christ. >> How good is that? >> That was. >> Does that sum it up? >> It is amazing, >> guys. Great show. [laughter]. >> Can I just say we did it? >> My only regret is that it wasn't longer. [laughter]. >> Do you mind? I just made me think of. something. Can I just. Hey, Will. Will I'm sorry. That just. made me think of something. Is it Is it. okay? There's this book called Moby. Dick. >> Oh, no. >> By Melville. Can I Is it okay if I just.

read the whole thing? >> You know what? >> Here we go. It was page one. >> That was pretty great, wasn't it? >> It's great to speak to the adults. >> Yeah, I I enjoyed it. >> Call me Ishmael. >> Okay. >> Uh, don't lick your fingers that way. >> Stop licking your foot. You're a. quarterback. >> I know. [laughter] Also, his voice is. cooler than yours, so it's easier to. like. >> I think my voice is pretty cool. Oh my. god. >> [music]. >> I do believe.

>> I think it's an I think it's really got. serious. >> I'm sorry that Well, it's just. >> that's a long quote to read. Of course. it is. And I know that you're new to. this, but no, >> that's that was a. >> that's a bug bug. >> I'm so sorry. I think it's a mosquito. >> Is it? >> Do you guys see it? >> I saw it. >> I'll it up. >> You know what? You reading that quote. now seems professional. >> [laughter]. >> Because right after I gave you. about being so long, Sona started trying. to kill a bug. >> And um. >> yeah, sorry I'm not doing like a stupid. voice and you know what I mean. Took.

[laughter] some bit. >> Sorry I'm not referencing Barry Levenson. films from the 80s. [laughter] Remember. in Diner? [laughter]. >> Oh my god. >> This is my show now. [laughter]. My worst nightmare came true. I know. >> Um, >> you were so nice to me. [laughter]. >> There's It's still flying around. >> It's a fruit fly. You were so nice to me. in the green room. You're such a You're.

such a jackal and hide cuz. >> you never know what you're going to get. >> Jackal or hide. One's the good guy, one. of the bad guy. Who knows [laughter]. which? I don't know. I'm busy reading. your quotes. >> Um, [laughter]. >> listen. >> Most people are on a walk, they're on a. thing, they're exercising, they're. driving, and they're listening to this. quote, and they're having a profound. moment. >> Yeah. Yeah. And you know what I did? I I. I. went after you because it was very long. It's not just a quote. That was several. pages, >> but I should have acknowledged what a. profound quote it was. And it was cool.

of you to think of it and read it, but I. didn't. >> I I panicked. I went for the gag, the. quip, the joke, >> the jape, the gaff, the goof. >> Um, >> this is getting longer than the quote. >> And I [laughter] I'm trying to make it. last longer than the quote. Okay. >> And by going for the the quick, you. know, uh, laugheroo as you I think you. called it laugheroo when we worked. together. >> One one time when I was in Australia. I. did. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Cuz I love tossing an oo on the end of.

things. >> Yeah. >> Um, but it was profound. And you've had. to deal with that because of celebrity. culture. >> No, [laughter]. don't drag me into deep water. Nice try. No, but it is it [laughter] is a uh. >> Well, you don't know what it's like. I've been really famous for like. 32 years and at the top of my game. >> only because you're tall and you stick. out. >> Yeah, [laughter] that's. >> I don't think that's the only reason and. you're loud. >> Yeah, tall and loud's the way to go and.

again it's only it's the only reason. >> when you look at what women are into go. on these sites where women are like. who's got ri they all say tall and loud? Give me tall and loud give me tall and. loud. >> What are those sites? >> If you if you had been if you had been. >> I don't even know what a sight is. If. you had been born, if you were 5'5, you. would have been taken. You would have. been working tolls on the mass pike. [clears throat]. I [laughter] really believe that. >> Near Sturbridge. >> Yeah, near Sturbridge Village. Right. [laughter] Get off that. Okay. Right. there where the tolls are. That's where. Sturbish Village is. Hey, you. You got a. buckle on your hat?

>> Um, listen. >> First of all, let's be real. Enough for. the insults. >> I love you. >> No. Couldn't do it. >> No, you couldn't do it. No. [laughter] Paul, what the I'm half a wall. [laughter]. [gasps]. >> I knew I knew I could break you. >> Here's what I did. >> I'm going to tell you what I said in. agreement. >> I think you're a great guy. >> I think you're really funny. I think.

you're really talented. You've been. doing it at a high level for many years, and I respect you. >> This just ruins everything. >> Yeah. >> Wow. >> Let's change the topic. >> Okay. >> This guy, this guy, there's so much to. talk about. I love seeing you succeed. [laughter]. >> I can't say that about you. >> It [laughter] kills me. >> I know. >> that Smartless is a phenomenon. It just. kills me. >> The best part. >> and especially I mean. >> again I root. >> It really rubbed with you. >> I root for you and I root for Shawn and.

then Baitman. >> What is it about Baitman? >> Oh, come on. [laughter] Come on. What is. it about Baitman? He just gets my goat. Uh he's so pleased with himself. [laughter] and he doesn't age and he has. such self-control. and he sits there and he's he's he he. fires off these little ice daggers. him, right? I mean, come on. Right. >> Am I Am I Am I alone? Does this sound. like love? >> Yeah. Yeah.

>> I love him. >> I know. I knew it. >> I would do him. >> Hang on, man. >> What? [laughter]. >> What? We just thought you like looked a. friend. Bo, you want to do him? Okay. No, that's cool. That's fine. >> Do it, too. I don't know. I can't speak. to that. >> He says he likes tall and loud. I've. seen his sites. >> What What's been going [laughter] What's. been going on? What's been going on over. here? Can I tell you something about. maybe you want me to read you something. else? This is shorter, but this is. youentric, >> please. Okay. Okay. >> Okay. Let's hear it. I got you got me.

with youentric. [laughter]. >> I know. >> It's And don't feel the need for it to. be short. By the way, I've never I've. never used my notes app so much as in. this podcast. >> You're on you're on that thing all the. time. [laughter]. >> I know. >> Let's see. >> So, this is this is this happened last. year. This is a true story. >> So, this has to do with your Christmas. party. >> Mhm. >> Years go by. Jason never gets invited to. Conan's Christmas party. Did you guys. know about this? >> I didn't know. >> And he's and he's brought it up before, right? Maybe when he came on the show, did he bring it up?

>> Well, I know you and Sean pretty well. I. don't know Jason. So, but a couple times. it it's coincided multiple times with. another mutual friend of ours Christmas. party. Yeah. >> And so, >> and let's be fair, she's a massive star. >> She's a massive star. >> Massive star. I mean, there's the the. she's she's a couple of clicks above me. and I give that up. She should be. >> But your your your party is very well. attended. It's a very ritzy affair. Yeah. >> A lot of glossy names. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> So, people often go either to Conan's. first and then this person's or vice.

versa. So, people are coming and going. from this other person. So, a bunch of. times I've gone to Conan's and then I've. gone over there and baby's like, "Did. you guys just come from Conan's?" Like, yeah. He's like, "What the fuck?" And. he's so mad that he hasn't been invited. Makes a big deal about it. >> And then when I heard that he was mad, I. kind of didn't want to invite him to. keep it going. >> Well, even worse, we did the live. smarter show in Boston. Conan came out, >> Jason gave you in front of a live. audience that you didn't and you said. for sure in my hometown. >> In your hometown. And you said for sure.

next year. And then the next year you. did not invite [laughter] him, right? >> It was epic. And nobody was happier than. me. >> Yeah, >> it was. >> It was sweet. It was sweet. >> to me. It was one of the best all time. bit. I just I love that he wasn't. invited. >> It was better that he wasn't invited. >> Yeah. Way better. >> Okay. >> So he's Now he's really pissed. Finally. last year you invite him. >> Yeah. >> And he's all proud about it and he's. like, "Well, you know, I got invited to. the thing." And then he's like, "Uh.". So then he's like, "Uh, first of all, he.

was like, I'm not sure if I'm going to. be able to make it.". >> Yeah. >> Because I got another party. >> Yeah. >> At which point I hear this, but I don't. I don't really say anything. So I get. Conan to come on our show. >> secretly. >> Secretly. And then get it. And it was so. easy to get talking about the Christmas. party and about Conan. He's like, "I. don't know if I'm listening. I'm. listening in uh it's on Zoom, but I'm. listening here in this room [laughter]. in this room and I'm listening." And you. guys say, "Uh, so, uh, hey Jason, you. think you're going to go to Conas?" He's.

like, "Uh, I don't know." And he's very. casually and his super casually, "I. don't know if I'm going to be able to. I've actually got this other party." At. which point Conan reveals himself like. you. And he lays into Baitman. [laughter]. >> I went after Baitman. >> He lays into him. Hilarious. So, we're. dying. So, then not long after that, uh, if I may bring up a touchy actual, this. is real personal subject for you. I know. what it is. Death in the family. >> Yep. My parents pass. So, well, first. let me just say the timeline cuz I have. it here. I wrote it down last year. because the timeline was so good.

>> Yeah. >> And um so I I hear that that your your. dad passes away and I text you uh um. that day or the next day and I said, "Hey, listen. I'm sorry to hear about. your dad's passing. Sending love from. our family to yours and you wrote, "Thank you, Will. To be honest, I blame. Baitman [laughter]. >> for the death of my for the death of my. father. >> the day after his father dies." Yeah. Right. So, I wrote, "It's not a terrible. theory." And Conan texted me back, "He.

killed my dad." [laughter]. >> OH MY GOD. >> MY DAD, can I say in fairness, my dad. would have loved this. [laughter]. >> Okay. So, so. uh so [laughter] then Baitman. Baitman I tell Baitman this we're dying. We're doing a thing that day. So he the. next day Baitman texts you and he says, "Arnette tells me you're on to me.". >> Yes. [laughter]. >> And Conan Conan texts Bait and he says, >> "Babon, do yourself a favor favor. Turn.

yourself in." [laughter]. Right. >> Right. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Two days after your dad passes, of. course, your mom passed away. >> Yeah. Which we didn't I did not see. coming. >> Which did not see coming. So. >> I text you. >> Mhm. Two days after I knew your boss. I. said, "Um, Baitman is asking for your. sister's street address." [laughter]. >> Okay. To give. [laughter]. >> Yeah.

>> And you and you were busy that weekend. and like a day and a half later, you. texted back just seeing this now. Fantastic. 625 Bison Street, apartment. 12C. Tell Baitman to make it look like a. robbery. [laughter]. Oh my god. >> You know what's weird? [laughter] I. swear to God, this is how I grieve. >> I know. >> Everyone has their way. And. >> and I I forget who I was. As somebody at. the time was like, it might have been. Sean or something. And we they're like, "What do you think?" I go, "This is this.

is what he wants. This is what he wants. right now. He wants to laugh and do. bits. This is what he wants." And I know. the vibe. And obviously. >> obviously our heart was with you and we. love you and all that stuff. I knew that. that and honestly that was tell them to. [laughter] make it look like a robbery. >> You're so sick. >> I know. I'm a sick I'm a sick person. But uh. >> but I do know my parents uh who I'm very. sentimental about, but they. uh I just a a big driving force in my.

life was making them laugh. >> Sure. >> And I did used to think about am I going. to want to do comedy after my parents. are gone? cuz that was the whole reason. I did everything. But I remembered very. much wanting to I don't know. It was so comforting to me to screw. around with you guys at that moment. It. just was. And uh so if that makes me a. mad man, then so be it. >> No, I get that, man. I It is that old. My grandfather used to say, I mean, it's. not that profound, but he's like, you.

know, if you didn't uh if you didn't. laugh, you'd cry. So yeah, like the. they're sort of in that same area and. you're still emoting, you're still. feeling, you're kind of doing it in a. different way. And I I totally get that. There have been so many time people call. it gallows humor or whatever it is. >> But but I get that. And um I can't wait. till my parents die. [laughter]. >> No, just cuz I've got so many bits ready. to go. >> So many bits. Oh my god. >> I had I just. >> That's I know the feeling. [laughter].

>> I had I knew that I had the Baitman bit. I've done everything. >> And my dad was like, I feel great. >> And I've got this Baitman bit. [laughter]. >> I I've done I've tried I've cut the. brakes. I I gas leak. I've done it. [laughter] all. And it just like they. No, it's. >> No one has said cut the brakes in like. 50 years. You can't make a car crash by. cutting a wire anymore. [laughter]. >> Don't worry. I took care of his Tesla. What' you do? I cut the brakes with this. big scissors [laughter] like they did in. the 1920s. Um, I have to mention we have.

there's so much to talk about with you, but I watched your movie last night. Is. this thing on? And I was very pleased. and I'm really I'm really I'm proud of. you as a friend and I'm really happy for. you because you're really magnificent in. this film. And uh and then I was talking. to you like Bradley Cooper who who uh. directs the movie, he has a part in it. and he's really funny as like a schlub.

as a character actor. >> and um and a friend of yours and it was. really fun to see that Laura Durn's. great but I was looking at it and I was. thinking I remember you. once telling me that your big fear in. life was being caught trying. You said. that to me once. You said, "I I just. don't want to get caught trying." And I. know that feeling and it's why we.

gravitate towards comedy because you can. joke around if something doesn't quite. work. You can make that the bit. You can. just be a shape shifter all the time and. nothing sticks to you and you plant your. feet in this project and you're another. person and it's a dramatic role and I'm. very proud of you for doing that. >> Well, first of all, thank you. Thanks a. lot. And and yeah, [clears throat] there. is there's a lot of truth in that. I. think that, you know, along that those. lines, I spend a lot of time uh being.

very cynical about a lot of things and. because it's easy, it's kind of it is. easy to hide behind it. >> And I give [snorts] people you. know, we talk about on our own podcast. when we hear people use the term. storyteller. We're like, "Oh man, like I. called 911 for an eye rolling incident.". Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm. going to die from rolling my eyes. >> And then I get. >> No one's an actor anymore. Everyone's. like, "Well, I think I'm I love to tell. stories." I like it's acting. >> Yeah, it's acting. Shut up. >> But but I get now a little bit more. And.

>> again, I I don't see myself differently. differently in any way. But I do get it. And I find myself Yeah. That you have to. do that thing where you have to kind of. own it. Yeah. >> And and be it and be and there is a. vulnerability to it. And I can't write. it off as a bit and I can't uh at the. end pull my pants down and and make a. fart sound. um you know so I it is in. that way for me it was uh it was scary. and and truthfully uh um I feel very.

vulnerable even about people watching. when I knew that you were going to watch. they said Bradley said that they sent it. for you guys for you to watch. >> and. even even Sean and Scotty who were in it. uh. >> knowing they just watched it the full. cut a couple days ago the final and I. remember just waiting for his reaction. He's my friend, loves me, you know, my. partner, we work together, do all this. sort of stuff. And I'm thinking like, oh.

boy, what if they, you know, they what. if they think I suck? >> But here's the thing. You initially were. quite interested in drama. That's what. you wanted to do. >> That was and if we went back to you in. your 20s, this is what you were. interested in. >> This is why this why I moved to New York. from Toronto [clears throat] truthfully. And I I always joke, of course, again, it's a nice cover, that um I was young. enough and dumb enough to think that. that was a pursuit that I wanted to do. And and I didn't I didn't know anything.

about comedy at all. I had no I I didn't. do sketch. I was into standup, all that. stuff. And so I kind of backed my way. into it. I really got into doing comedy. stuff from auditioning for sitcom pilots. cuz I need to pay the rent in the '90s. Like the first couple sitcom pilot. auditions for my agent from the I. remember being like I'm not going to do. a sitcom. Like as if it was beneath I. wasn't working. I was I was I was making. no money. I lived in the worst apartment. you could imagine. And I'm thinking like. I'm not going to do a sitcom. It's like. what a idiot I am. But I did I I.

went wanting to be a dramatic actor. Um. and the other joke I made used to make. forever again as a cover was people. thought my dramatic acting was funny. Well, this is interesting because you're. it's a dramatic role where you play. someone who uh is going through a. breakup. >> Uh you're married, you have kids, the. marriage is running out of gas, you guys. break up, separate, you move to an. apartment, you're wandering past a bar,

you someone says you need to pay the. cover charge to come in uh and it's a. high cover charge. And you're like, "Well, why?" And they're like, "It's cuz. it's a comedy club." and. you said, "Well, I don't have that. money." And the guy said, "We'll just. write your name down." This is a true. story. >> It's it's an actual true story. It's. inspired by this uh the story of this. English comedian, really funny guy, John. Bishop, >> whom I happened to meet, not a bit, on a. on a ferry, >> on a on a barge in like a canal boat in. Amsterdam out of lunch. >> And I went over there with a friend and.

it was a big a bunch of people going. over there for this thing. And I went um. and I sat next to him and he told me the. story of how he became a stand-up. And. the story was he was he was separated. from his wife getting divorced and he. goes to a pub and he doesn't want to pay. the cover and he puts his name down for. open mic. So he gets in for free. thinking I'm they're not going to call. me and they call him and he goes up and. the first thing he says is I'm getting a. divorce. I think I'm getting a divorce. >> Yeah. >> And it becomes like this uh he has no.

ambition to be a stand-up. Knows nothing. about standup. So that that was the. impetus. >> But he has the catharsis. He keeps going. back. >> Yeah. Cuz it makes him feel good. >> Yeah. >> He's not He tried drinking. He tried all. that stuff. But this he actually and. this is a guy, you know, who had never. never been to therapy, never done that. stuff, but but going in front of a crowd. of strangers and just kind of talking. about his own reality made him feel. better. He got relief from it, which was. which I totally get now. I'd never done. standup before and and I I can see.

how that works. I was curious. You to. prepare for this role, you did standup. >> Yeah. >> And you did a lot of standup. >> Yeah. >> And were you telling the crowds this is. for a movie role? [clears throat]. >> Um, no. Well, once. >> I know that in that situation, I. probably would have said this is for a. project. I would have wanted some kind. of shield. That was the oppos that was. the instinct and and and actually the.

truth is the first time I went to do. standup Shane Gillis who was really kind. to us and um invited us down to Austin. >> and to go up uh at the mothership and he. said come down here and we'll give you. some time. So Bradley and I went down. there. This is right after New Year's. last year when we were in. pre-production. And I hadn't done. standup yet. And we went down there and. we had all this material that that we. had written for various the various sets. that happened throughout the the movie.

And the first time I went up there, they. introduced me as Alex Novak is my. character's name. And so I go out, I'm. nervous as hell again. you know, I've. done lots of stuff before, but never. done actual standup. Um, even though I. was being introduced out. So, people are. sort of you could see some people were. and here some people were confused. They're kind of laughing. And there were. some people who were clearly fans and. not everybody, but some people were. like, "Oh, yeah. Okay. And what's the. name and what's going on?" And I said,

"Just I said something like, >> yeah, I'm Alex. Bear with me. Hopefully, in a year or so, this will make sense.". Is what I said. >> Yeah. And then I went on and I did this. set. Came out uh came off and it went it. went okay. It was like I was and uh I. was about to go out again for the second. time that night and Kirk Fox, this. comedian, great dude, super funny dude. He was talking to me and he said, "You. don't need to explain it. Just go out. and do it. Don't worry about it. >> Just go do it." Yeah. Yeah. >> And it was such a great he it was such a.

great piece of advice and and I was. like, "Yeah." So I just went I did it. and I thought, "You know what? These. people are going to think I'm having a. nervous breakdown. That's okay. It. doesn't matter. And and that gave me. license. And then a couple days later, we or the next day we flew back to New. York and for 6 weeks, virtually every. night, I'd go we'd go to the seller at. night and do three sets a night. And. then during the day, we'd rework the. stuff cuz we're trying to track the my. character's progression and the story. and everything. And I would go up and.

they'd introduce me sometimes as his. second time up or his first time. and. I'd go up as Alex Novak and people would. laugh uh or have a reaction and it. didn't matter and and Bradley would say. to me almost every time, you know, the. instinct is, as you know, um you go up. there, you're a performer, you're doing. this thing, and then part of you is. like, well, I just want to make him. laugh anyway, right? I just want to get. the laugh because I'm there anyway. I. might as well do something to get the. laugh. I might as well lean on some of. my old bits, my old standbys, you know?

And Bradley would stop me and he'd go, "We're doing something different.". And I go, "Right, we're doing. something." God, what a dick. >> I know. [laughter]. >> You can't throw your fast ball. >> You're talking about Bradley Cooper or. >> No, >> but you're talking about [laughter]. You're talking about General Omar. Bradley. >> from World War II. >> Terrific general. >> And this [laughter] is a film directed. by General Omar Bradley. >> Omar Bradley. Yeah. And And we shot it. we we shot it in the early 50s, I. [laughter] guess. >> Yeah. >> Um Korea was Yeah. Yeah. Before right.

before he passed away and we were in we. were in the French sector of Berlin. >> Yes. Yes. >> Cuz the French were still controlling. >> the end where your character uh defeats. Hitler. >> I didn't see that coming at all. With. comedy. >> Yeah. With [laughter] I killed him with. comedy. >> Uh well well I'll say one thing. I got. pulled in and I think one of the. compliments I can pay you is that I got. I got pulled into the movie and then at. one point you're having an argument with.

your aranged wife Laura Durn and I got. mad at her. >> Sure. >> I I got mad at the character. >> cuz you love me. >> and I just Well, I No, I did take your. side. You have a big argument with her. things are going. You have a big. argument with her. And I started to get. agitated because I thought, "No, he's. right. You're not you. You've he tried. to do something nice. Why the why can't. you?" And I I got worked up. >> I know the moment you're talking about.

And it's funny. I've had a few people. have have had reactions from other. people that I know, other men and women. who have very, you know, >> so this morning minor thing cuz my wife. and I watched the movie together and. then this morning I'm doing something. and she's like, "Did you lose those. keys?" And I went, "I didn't lose those. keys." And she said, "Well, were you. going to put them this time so you don't. lose them?" And I said, "I didn't lose. them. I didn't even go looking for them. They're not lost. They were here." And. she went, "Well, you kind of did lose. them." And I just said, "Don't Laura. durn me.". >> Wow. because we had just watched the.

movie. >> Wow. >> Last I said, "Don't Laura durn me." And. she's like, "Okay, if we're doing that, I'm out." [laughter]. >> Wow. >> Cuz she doesn't put up God bless Liza. She does not put up with my She. was like, "If we're doing that game, I'm. gone." [laughter] And she went about her. business. And then we talked later and. all was good. But um. >> Well, check your phone. >> Yeah. Oh my god. The pool boy. Um. [laughter]. >> why is Liza calling me? >> An old cliche. Um, yeah. Go through my.

assistant. Why is she directly. contacting. >> pool? By the way, the pool boy's 80. >> Yeah, [laughter]. but that's what makes. >> He still wants to be called the pool. boy. >> That's what makes you feel worse. >> Yeah, he's 80. [laughter]. He has no hips. They've been both been. removed but not replaced. They carry him around in a wheelbarrow. [laughter]. Um, but uh. but uh. >> Damon has to have his hips uh removed. for weight. >> Yeah. No, he's he's the only guy I know. who has joints removed for to keep his.

weight down. >> Yeah, it's unbelievable. >> He had remember the time he had just a. spoonful of creme brulee. >> and then he went on a shooting spree. [laughter]. >> Um I love the man. I do love the man. And it's just jealousy. It's just pure. jealousy. >> He looks so good. He looks so good. Anyway, let's not waste. We're talking. about. >> not another second on him. >> [music]. >> I thought this is great and I'm a big.

believer in um I got some years on you. but I am liking this part of life where. you've done the other thing for a long. time. You got a lot of satisfaction out. of it and now you're just trying stuff. and you're you're putting yourself out. there and uh it's very cool. >> Thank you. I you know [clears throat]. it's not like I I'm not making a big. statement like now I'm doing this at all. but but. >> you did ask me to call you actor.

>> Yeah. >> Will Arnette. >> storyteller. Story story. [laughter]. >> Storyteller. >> Storyw weaver. >> Dreamw weaver. >> Yeah. [laughter] And uh I uh but but it. is it has been it's been really um again. been really satisfying uh doing this. And also I I do feel like I'm at a stage. of my life where I'm just I'm much more. sort of bound and determined to do stuff. that I want to do. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Um and so again, I I'm not like, you.

know, now I'm doing this, now I am the. story at all. At all at all at all. I. mean, I'm I'm still a idiot, [laughter]. >> you know? >> Glad you said it. I'm not supposed to. say it, but I'm glad you did. >> But is that like a known. >> Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. But you've heard other. >> No, it is. It's like on your. Wikipedia page. >> It says will ar. >> But do they know? [laughter]. >> These guys know. >> they started it. >> Yeah, they know. >> Oh, you started it. Yeah.

>> Oh, so you sound like somebody was. talking about me. >> Podcast is [laughter]. your podcast is smartless. >> You know [laughter] what describes us. best? Um I uh and I do I you know this. about me. I worship at the altar of. Arrested Development. I think at its. finest, it is maybe one of the highest. levels of comedy that's been achieved or. if not the it's in very rare company. And so it's it's just a remarkable.

achievement. And so you're an indelible. part of that thing. That's a real major. way that my son and I have bonded over. the years is different comedic things. and he and I to this day when we get. together when he's back from school and. he's glum or one of us is down we start. watching Arrested Oman and he's like a. you know he's like a car dealer in Vegas. he knows which ones to give me and he. knows exactly which ones to deal out. >> like what mood what'll turn it around.

>> yeah he knows that anything with. Franklin in it will kill me. >> Franklin the ventriloquist puppet um the. close-up shot of Franklin pushing in, which I've I've talked to you about. Uh, the reaction shot of a puppet. Um, but. there's so many things in that show that. give me such delight. And I know that, um, Mitch Herurwitz has been like a huge. part of your life, not just as the. creator of a show that helped you get a. toe hold and gave you a real push, but.

as a friend and a mentor and a like life. guy. >> without question. >> And I don't I don't know him well. I've. met him a bunch of times, >> which is funny cuz you guys live like. 200 yards from each other. >> I know. >> Um, true story. >> And whenever he comes, I duck behind a. hedge. >> Yeah. >> And you know what? I I am uh I'm I you. know, it's that stupid thing in LA where. you don't walk down the street. >> No, nobody sees their neighbors. >> No one sees their neighbors here, which. is not how I grew up, but it's very. strange. >> Can I ask you just sort of sidebar? I. want to get into the Mitch thing because.

I as you you're right and I adore Mitch. and he's been incredibly impactful in my. life. Not just not just as a sort of a. comedic beacon and a guide and a mentor, but also as a friend and as a person. He's a one of the all-time great guys. Um, >> do you guys dream about moving back to. New York a lot these days? >> Well, it's funny you say that. No, >> no, I I'm kidding. I I uh No, it's funny. you say. >> I'm kind of half moving back now and and. I'm like I can't get out of here fast. enough.

>> Oh, okay. I still love LA. I love Los. Angeles, but I really love a lot of. things about Los Angeles and I'm happy. to be here. But it's funny you say that. because I've been going back more and. more. >> uh for work because you know Sirius XM, they have a space there and also both my. kids are on the East Coast for school. So, I'll go back east and I'll be in New. York. And I'm very happy to be honest. I. like both. Yeah. I like the contrast. But I like I like spending now two weeks.

in the, you know, going up to Boston, seeing my, you know, my family. Yeah. >> Uh, and but hanging in New York is. great. >> It's been It's been And I know it's like. it's like the oldest thing, you know, New York for LA. And I I for years I got. so sick of people going like, "Well, in. New York you can walk around, but I'm. like I know I did the same I lived in. New York for over 20 years. I get it. So, >> but I have lately and I feel like I'm. not alone. A lot of my friends and. people, you know, are like, >> I'm ready to go back. Like, I see my my.

later stages of life being in New York. I'm just I LA has been I don't know. Again, there people like, good, get the. out. You know, but I don't know. what to tell you. >> I've just got so much Yeah. many. properties here in LA. >> I mean, I own most of Catalina. You know. that about me, right? >> I didn't know that. Oh, I have I I mean. what I did is I took money that I made. here on the podcast and I have bought up. most of most of the valley all of. Catalina. >> You saw what happened in Catalina today, right? >> What happened?

>> Oh my god. >> You're you're they designated you Gavin. Newsome. [laughter]. >> What? It's a toxic site. It's worthless. >> I built a massive. >> It's all worthless. >> I I seriously own like 6,000 acres. On. the way here, Gavin Newsome said it's. it's a toxic and and and they're just. going to they're going to raise it. [laughter] and no one will ever it's. uninhabitable. No one will ever be able. to go there. I built Did you know that. giant geodessic dome that just went up? That's my house. >> You're destitute. You're destitute now.

>> It's all gone. You lost everything. I. told you not to put it all in Catalina. [laughter]. And you said nothing. And you actually. said to me, "This place will never be. toxic.". >> [laughter]. >> How could you have? >> I said my marriage may be toxic and all. my friendships, [laughter] BUT THIS. GROUND IN CATALINA NEVER SHALL BE. Remember I said that to you? >> Of course I remembered. You shattered it. from a mountain top. >> And [laughter] I said I'm going to build. a giant geodessic dome and live there. and live there forever.

>> I put everything into that. >> And you did say you were going to live. forever also as part of it. >> I know. >> And I'll outlive Baitman. >> You and I are going to outlive Baitman. I. >> Oh man, you know he's going to dance on. my grave. Of course he will. >> That's not for 6 years. Um [laughter]. >> well, Mitch Mitch's one of the all-time. great guys. I just want to say he. created Rest Development as you know, as. you pointed out. I I don't think I've I. mean the wittiest, funniest, most. naturally just like such a gifted gifted.

gifted dude. Yeah. Just amazing guy. He. is when you when I watch that show, I. haven't actually rewatched in a while, but sometimes clips will come up and and. and I'll just think like what a. brilliant scene. Like what a everything. like just go what a great idea. >> to keep that many balls in the air and. have it all pay off to have that cast. but to have that vision. Um, >> he was almost like a live a we used to. say it's verging like on a liveaction. Simpsons sometimes like from back. especially from when when you were there.

like those days. >> and and we I meant that always as the. highest compliment to him. >> No cutaways. It's things that you can do. in animation that you really can't. achieve. >> when you're shooting on a set. >> Uh, and you guys had that pace. The. whole thing is beautifully rendered and. man does it hold up. >> Yeah, >> it's great. And um so I I always. it's been a lovely thing for me in my. life cuz I always go back to my favorite.

stuff and that includes Arrested. Development and you are so funny in that. show. >> But it's great now. I mean you like I. say you have all these things in your. back pocket and now you can go make a. movie with Bradley Cooper. >> and it's good. It's really good you. know. Thanks. >> I just touted him as Bradley Cooper. Not. I know a lot of people were like, "You mean General Omar Bradley?" I know. people were going there, but. >> your audience so obsessed with. [laughter]. >> You know what? We know one thing. When. you read the comments, they're always. like, "More World War II generals.".

>> Do they really? >> Yeah. >> That's bizarre, man. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> I'm not going to be. >> You probably get that too. It's smart. >> Yeah. Mine are more UK said like. Montgomery. They want more Montgomery. [laughter]. mentions of Montgomery. >> Bernard Montgomery. Uh Will, I'm very. happy for you. Funny. Neville. Chamberlain once said, "No, sorry. Go. ahead. [laughter]. >> You are a uh you're a great friend." And. joking aside, it meant the world to me. that you were texting me during a dark. time. And riffing with you.

>> over text was a true uh balm. It really. did. It was a serum that helped me. And. um. >> just delighted that you're in my life. Say hi to the guys for me. >> I will. I will. Uh, but do it more like. show more love to Sean from me and then. let you know what I mean? You'll know. how to play it. >> Of course I know how to play. >> Let know like, "Oh, he's really all over. Sean.". >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to just pour. sugar on Shawn. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, >> and then be like, "No, no, he knows. you're on.". >> Yeah. And you do. Yeah. Yeah. For sure.

>> Yeah. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. [laughter]. HE DEFINITELY MENTIONED, I'm pretty. sure. >> All right. I love it, man. This is it. We don't have a way to end this really. >> Is there no ending to it? >> There really isn't an ending. just and. this wait this, you know, we usually. wait for it to peter out and this. petered out a couple times. Um, [laughter]. so there's a couple of end points we can. use. >> Okay. >> You know, >> oh. Oh, you're okay. Sorry. You're. create an endpoint. >> Uh, and that's the way we do. >> That's all we got. [laughter]. >> What are you going to say?

>> There goes another one, [laughter]. by the way. >> Yeah, there goes another one. Yeah. Yeah. And I'll tell you something. That's what he said to her. >> Where are you looking? Oh, there's a. camera there. >> Right there. [laughter]. >> Nothing ruins an audio presentation like. a GUY PLAYING THE CAMERA. [laughter]. >> HEY, can I just say something? >> Yeah. It's about time you spoke up. >> Hey, do you have another quote? [laughter].

>> Oh, I got something. I Hey, is it okay. I've read this inspirational quote? It's. a long sermon by Uripides. [laughter]. man, that thing went on and on. and it was great. Oh yeah, I get it. Yeah, but can't just say it in fewer. words. Did you have to read the whole. thing? [laughter]. This guy kills me. What's on. your phone that's better than me? [laughter]. I'm just giving you time,

>> you know. I got people to talk to. Oh, look. >> And I was just looking at I was just. doing some texting. Hey, cool. musicians are texting me. >> Oh, what's any better to text you, too? >> What? [laughter]. >> Nothing. Um, uh, what was the question I was. going to ask you guys about uh about. God, we'll just cut the pauses out so I. seem really snappy. >> Yeah. Yeah. We'll cut We're gonna double. up on your pauses. >> Here it is. [laughter].

>> You uh. >> when you don't have a fancy mic. And you. guys are you guys are at serious as. well, right? Yeah. >> What do you think about a collab? >> Yes. Yes. >> You know, say. >> should we do a collab? >> But you know, let me tell you something. We do in we do like a we come in here. into the studio, me and Sean and babe. and come into the studio [laughter] and. we do and we just do and we just do. something, you know. >> You know, let me tell you something. >> Yeah. >> We got a huge thing going. >> just to give you a spark. [laughter].

That's fair. That's fair. We've been. dragging ass lately. >> Later. [laughter]. >> I love that. That came on the heels of. you going, you know, we got a good thing. going. [laughter]. >> You immediately changed to dragon ass. lately. [laughter]. >> Listen, let me tell you something. >> Yeah. >> You guys come in, we join forces, you. know, we uh we take the power of this. show and then we add whatever you guys. are doing and we have. >> whatever we're doing.

>> You're doing fine. Didn't you have a. documentary or something? >> No, >> I don't remember. >> What? We did a docue series. >> Yeah. >> Okay. I don't know. Remember. I tried to. get it and it said, >> "Are you rolling?". >> There's been a little interest. >> Do you mind if I just do this real. quick? Sorry, I don't want to interrupt. >> Okay. >> GMC continues its commitment to. professional [laughter] grade. engineering in the GMC truck series like. offering the world's first available six. [laughter] function multi-pro tailgate. on Sierra. I just got to get a little business. done. [laughter] Is that okay? You know, you get you get a lot of that.

candy money from Reese's. I know you do. I hate to brag, but I got a candy bar, too. Payday. Payday came to me. And I'm. doing Payday bar now. >> And they want Yeah. >> No. Hershey's is your. >> Hershey's is your bar. >> Don't God, he can't have fun. [laughter]. >> Hershey's is your bar. >> It's not payday. >> What's that? >> It's not payday. It's Hershey's. [laughter]. God, he's Do you have a guy in the room. with you who's like not monetizable?

THERE'S NO money here. >> No, we don't have a cooler on set. [laughter]. >> We bring to cool down the heat on the. table. >> Sorry I mentioned the rival candy. That. won't happen again. Why don't you just. have a taser and just [laughter] shock. me? >> Oh my god. >> No. Hershey's uh you know Hershey's came. to me like. >> Hers Peanut Butter Cups. [laughter]. >> That's who owns Sorry. >> What? That's who owns Reese's, right? >> Yeah. Yeah. Well, the big company that. runs it all came to me. So, you have. Reese's. And by the way, you don't even.

seem to like the candy when you talk. about it, but I [laughter] Hershey came. to me. >> Yeah. >> And they were like, "Please, please, please, please." And I said, "All right, sure.". >> Oh, good. Yeah. Describe them as sort of. obse. >> They were so [laughter] like, "Please, please." Oh my god. We're hemorrhaging. cash. And so I was like, "Yeah, whatever. or hey Hershey's I like it but. they then they were like. >> you're selling articulate I forget that. keep going [laughter]. >> I said Hershey's is good but anyway and.

then they said Hershey's candy bar. through the roof through the roof after. I gave it my my my sign of approval. [groaning]. through the roof through the. roof. This is so easily verifiable. >> Don't get Don't Don't look it up. >> No, [laughter]. >> don't look it up. >> Wait, that always is alarm bells when. somebody says don't look it up. immediately. And you tried to grab my. phone. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> That's how worried you were. >> Just don't look it up. >> Okay. >> Uh anyway, >> what's the rest of you uh your day like. Conan? Be honest. Be really honest.

>> Facial. >> Is that true? >> Yeah. Like one of those avocado scrubs. face then the back. >> What time you start drinking? Like 4. [laughter]. >> 3:30? >> No. >> 3:00? Yeah. 2:30 2:15. >> and then uh you going to watch the. baseball? You going to watch some. baseball? I mean, I'm not going to say. what they gonna watch some baseball. >> You can't say which teams. Oh, cuz this. doesn't air until you know what this. airs. >> Welcome to showbiz. >> Hey, [laughter] uh hey, merry Christmas. dude. >> Merry Christmas, man. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

>> You're still just a writer up on 17. [laughter]. >> Is this need a punch up? >> You see, >> Lauren liked it. This is what happened when you. let the nerds in. did well at read through. [laughter]. >> This is what happened. The nerds never. got it. >> You know what I mean? >> It works on the. >> We got it. Don't worry. >> You didn't say it the right way. >> We're rolling. Scram. >> Say it. Say it this way. >> Talent's here. >> Cheese is coming out of my eyes.

>> Oh my god. >> We stopped recording nerdy so long ago. >> I know. >> These mics blow, but you can lean. against them. You know, you can't do. that with yours. I can lean against. mine. >> Anyway, a time was had by all. >> You know what? [laughter] AND THAT'S. WHAT I DID. >> STOP RUINING IT. I We had a. [laughter]. >> We had a great I just tied it up. It was. perfect. >> Oh my [laughter] god. >> Jesus. >> To be continued.

you. Don't come back. [laughter]. Don't come back. You're the worst. You're a terrible guy. By the way, I. hope. >> all jokes aside, and I know we're done, but let me just say this and I know you. wanted to get in a voiceover and you. said all the people came to you, but I. did think of a gig that you'd be really. good for. >> Yeah. What's that? >> AFLAC. >> AAC. [laughter]. perfect. We got it. >> They also There's a helium balloon. company that wants me. >> Really? >> Balloons. >> Wait, voices can get higher. [laughter].