Tiffany Haddish Turns “Evil” During Her Cycle | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

you and I have something in common we. both have a wax uh figure of ourselves. cuz you got a Madam Tu SS wax figure yes. I have one I don't know it's in. Hollywood somewhere it uh and every now. and then someone will be visiting and. they'll take a picture and for some. reason it's me they did it when I was. behind the desk and I'm pointing I don't. know why like Conan's big thing is he. points but people send me these random. photos of them posing with this.

uh feel about it it's weird it's really. weird because what people I don't know. if they realize this you know they take. exact measurements yes for they take. easily a thousand measurements yes of. every inch of your body of every inch of. your body and they're like measuring the. distance from so that it's a perfect. replica of you and then they like match. your hair and they match and so I look. at it sometimes and I think that's just. weird that that's it's somewhere in. Hollywood.

God knows there it is oh my god oh that. when you was skinny oh boy yeah you it. kind of reminds me of that remember that. McDonald's character that um Ronald. McDonald nodd M tonight M tonight the. talk show guy oh right yeah maybe that's. why everybody loves your talk show so. much you were m mcnight i was M mcnight. you know what I gotta say it it doesn't. it looks it doesn't now it doesn't look. like me no it doesn't but the nose is me. and everything thing but um it doesn't.

really look like you that at all yeah no. it looks like you. sick you're better looking way better. looking I was very sick at the time I do. remember that they got the dead eyes. right yeah they got the dead eyes they. got the dead eyes can't believe you know. it looks like they took someone's hand. that was holding a gun and just took the. gun out like God Guy bang bang so what. uh you went through that experience yes. did you like it when you saw yourself or. did you I did I thought she was so. beautiful I'm like this is like so.

beautiful but I didn't like it's no like. and looking those eyes and it's like. dead eyes it's like no no hurt ever been. experienced no this is not a real human. but if I could make a clone of myself. boy she would be cute do you know they. cloning dogs now I did know that yeah. yeah and I'm like if they can clone dogs. then they could clone me probably do you. want to be cloned they would it would. have to grow up like a baby and. everything like right yeah yeah no. they're not going to you're not going to. show up as you are now no but you're but. you're are you okay with raising myself.

your yourself I would raise myself so. good yes you would and then I Don't Need. No Man like no child support no nothing. no man like but then I would have to. find him a dad because that's that was. the problem I think I needed a dad like. all the time so I would I would get like. all my gay homeboy to be dad and then. just you know that's such a weird idea. that. you clone yourself as a baby Tiffany and. I see me and you raise you and you give. yourself everything that you didn't have.

not everything I'll just give me what I. needed okay not all the stuff that I. didn't have just what I needed more hugs. more kisses more words of like you're. doing a good job I'm proud of you you. can do anything don't quit and then I. would put her out the house so she can. learn. struggle at like 12 13 no at 18 she. gonna have to learn how to survive I. would make her camp in the woods at like. 13 like you and leave her in give her.

supplies and leave her in the woods for. three days no one tell her about the. enzymes and sperm yes I'mma tell her. about the enzy and sperm disease I'm. like don't believe what you read on Tik. Tok it's all lies matter of fact I don't. even think I'm going teach her how to. read so she don't get her heart. brok wait you know what I'm saying okay. you're G to get her what she needs but. she can't read yeah she can't read I. don't think I'm G to let her learn how. to read cuz it's so many teenagers right. now like the the suicide epidemic is. crazy amongst teenagers cuz they're. reading all the Stu that people are.

saying on social media and they're. attacking them and they don't know how. to handle it because they took bullying. out of school right so now you don't. know how to handle just the bullying of. words and you take that personal kids. teenagers like just don't let her have a. phone she can she can read yeah she. gonna get a pager yeah yeah I'm bringing. pagers back yeah and put a tracking. device on. her like time to come in the house I. gotta go inside like. I don't know but I I feel bad for kids.

today because it is really hard and I. appreciate all my bullies like I've sent. them little thank you notes like thank. you for making me so strong especially. to my mom that was my biggest bully and. I really appreciate all the stuff that. she said and did even though it was mean. and nasty and hurt my feelings prepared. me for the horrible social media world. that we have today it doesn't really. bother me but do you read stuff about. yourself hell yeah I read stuff about. myself hello you gonna sit here and tell. me you don't read about you I don't. actually you don't you'll back me up on.

this he actually doesn't I mean when. people send him articles and he just. won't read read them you can't read. huh I knew it damn. it he's been I'm I'm above that I might. get my feelings here can you read Conan. I can't ear wig got that ear wig in they. tell them everything to. say no uh I try I I mean I do sometime. but I try not to because I just think. like it can't I think if I can if it can. help me but if it's just some random.

person saying they don't like what I'm. doing I don't know what the point is of. me knowing that because I'm not going to. change at this point no I'm not g to. change you either but it is kind of. inter okay in my mind I think they're. saying all this stuff these people. especially if it's a long paragraph or. if they make like a whole YouTube video. about how much they can't stand me in my. in the back of my mind I'm thinking they. love me this person cares about me so. much spending a lot of they took a lot. of energy and a lot of time to say. anything about me and like when people.

like we should cancel her she should be. canceled isn't she cancel like I think. to myself dang you took time out of your. day to comment on me which means I. shouldn't be cancelled you actually care. you care about I'm doing my job as an. Entertainer and I'm making you feel. something so I am successful in the long. run I beat you I win but still I have. endometriosis so on my cycle I do become. evil and I do take it back to the 1900s.

and I do go on there and talk about. them real bad real real bad and I have. to pray on that like please forgive me. Lord for what I'm about to do but I have. to destroy this fat right. now that's one of my favorite. prayers I'm about to hurt your child's. feelings I. apologize but I'm going to hurt your. child my bad but I got to I got to. attack her soul I I'm sorry Lord please.

forgive me you shouldn't have gave me. endometriosis I wouldn't even have. time while I'm sitting here in pain and. bleeding clots and clots. blood I wouldn't be thinking about. committing murder on This Woman's. spirit and. Demetrios oh man some people try to say. I'm crazy I'm not crazy I have. endometriosis okay and it causes me to. behave in certain ways cuz I'm in pain. mhm and it's a hormonal imbalance.

apparently that's what somebody just. told me it's your hormones they're. imbalance okay well what's the what's. the. balancer of the hormones give me. that medication is there like a leveler. to level out the hormones that. keep me from bleeding clots of. blood and how am I not dead how am I. still living I'm amazing that's why I'm. a superhero all women are. superheroes we all are amazing. creatures we bleed for days and days and. days and don't die let a man bleed for.

two days yeah he's dead he's dead. especially if it's out the tip of his. penis he going to kill. himself he's like it's broken forever. I'm done I can't do this let a blood. clot come out of dick it's a rat no. don't let a blood don't let a blood clot. come out of. Dick Dear baby Jesus don't let a blood. clug come out of my dick I told D give. you anything I told a dude that I have. endometriosis so I can only deal with.

certain size penises I can't be dealing. with no big I got I got endometriosis. he's like what is that is that a new STD. what is that and I was like I wish it. was a STD I wish I could give you. endometriosis how you out here with. endon. netosis I wish I could give you. inflammation of the nuts where all your. wrinkles come out your. balls blood clots come out the tip of. your dick he's like that sounds so. painful why would you wish that for. somebody wait this is what you're. talking about before you have sex no. let's have a little let's have a little.

uh have a little pillow talk this this. is my hope your balls shrivel up and. climb up your. this is my way of letting him. know if he got a big old dick I'm not. doing this with you you know so you know. we could just be friends okay cuz I need. that smum okay I don't need you tearing. my stuff up I don't want to be bleeding. okay no big dicks out there we're. getting the word. out run me to mediums with good credit. and a EIN. number looking for good credit and EIN.

numbers hello oh my God it's medium. Define medium going to write medum. mediums medium mediums okay my g spot is. three inches in bring your Asians your. Indians your. whatever. medium okay Med I talk about that in the. book too I know you do it right here. medium that's it the that's in the if. you want to get with me chapter you a. manual on.

that good Lord uh what's. this uh oh oh you can. read no I I do little pictures. for hieroglyphics yeah have Maddie bring. it in yes oh we we got some uh little. surprise for me here apparently and it's. also not just for me but for you too. Maddie thank you very. much here here we go yes oh thank you oh. my skin is like what is this now rub it.

in just rub it on both sides we're put a. little lotion massage it in there make a. wish when you doing it oh that's new I. wish I was a. medium medium for me is. aspirational you want to be a medium I. like medium small to medium oh oh but. you got a wife so I'm sure she's happy. with what you're working with well I'm a. good earner.

she's crying and then she goes you she's. like oh you know actually need there's a. lot of money coming in um. good she says that as we're doing it all. is yours good earner good. earner then there's just flaky skin. fly it looks like it's snowing on us if. she saying good earner good earner she's. manifesting that you know that's what. you're supposed to do during sex you. supposed to make wishes when you as soon.

as you have an orgasm that's when it's. going to come in CU all your chakras are. open and that's when God shows up oh my. God mhm that's when you're supposed to. make a wish all right here's my question. for the room manifest then all the. wasted wishes here's my here's my here's. my question of the room who's funnier. than Tiffany oh man seriously there's a. lot of people no no no no no no no you. are you are a beautiful person you are. uh good Lord you are a tornado of funny. you are so funny and it comes from such. a real place thank you and you're.

beautiful and God I just when you show. up I don't have to do anything I know. there's not I don't do anything I just. say I just every now and then a little. poke is there more and there's so much. more yeah I'm like a. sis there's levels to it there's levels. to it everyone go out do yourself a. favor go out and get uh I curse you with. joy it's Tiffany hat can you say Tiffany. hadish I curse you with joy yeah Tiffany. hadish I curse you with joy thank you I.

appr curse you with joy TIY and and I. curse everyone that reads that book with. joy and uh please spread the word that. uh you are moisturized I'm moisturized. I'm a medium. uh I'm I represent every color on Earth. uh and uh and and and God bless you. seriously you make me I mean you talk. about how you in your life you try to do. positive things and you do so many. positive things and then you come into.

this room and we talk to everybody and. I'm just dying you just make me so happy. thank you can I have your phone number. now yes you can okay awesome yeah you. can all right y wife doesn't have to. know oh she going to know cuz I'm going. to get her number. to and we I'm going to invite you to. game night I'll be having this game. night in one of my properties it's a. good time okay have you ever been to. South Central LA sure okay we G to see. I've. got you got to in Catalina.

right it's a gated estate in Catalina. it's not gated at all oh s am I thinking. of the right sou Central sou Central. Catalina right it'll be a good time that. is me you send me a Tex thank you Conan. I am going to see it's been a long time. since I got a phone number on a piece of. paper I was going to say. I from the 1900s baby oh but you know. what I was on a plane once across the. aisle is Warren batty the greatest woman. of the 20th century and we chat briefly.

we have a nice chat and he goes well. here here's how you can reach me and he. writes his phone number on an American. Airlines napkin and hands it to me and I. was thinking when he did it how many. numbers has he written on an airline. napkin since 1960 oh my God so and I. can't find it cuz I would frame it I. would frame it if I could find it you. probably blew your nose in it yeaha. probably I up but anyway Warren. my apologies he's been waiting by the.

phone for 20 years why won't he call I. love him Tiffany God bless thank you so. much for being here and congrats on your. book thank you.