The Hoppining: A Chill Chums Holiday Whodunit | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

fall is here here the yell back to. school ring the bell brand new shoes. Walking Blues climb the fence books and. pens I can tell that we are going to be.

friends yes I can tell that we are going. to be. [Music]. friends hey there welcome to con Brien. needs a friend joined as always by my. stalwart team son messian how are you. son I'm doing all right yeah you seem.

good and uh Matt gorley yeah Matt gorley. it took me a second five years I've sat. here across from you seems like more. like a lot more than. four and a lot less and less than six I. would put it around yeah five I guess. okay um it's an interesting thing I'm. just thinking about this today because I. was walking past a mall and it was. walking past my some cousins visiting. and they wanted to go to the mall. they're from Seattle these are little.

kids so I said okay I'll take them to uh. the mall down in Santa Monica and we're. walking around and I saw all these. different movie posters and I swear to. God it's seasonal but half the movie. posters are for horror so there's one I. don't know what is but you see a a a. silhouette of like a pilgrim and he's. holding an axe what's that one called el. Roth's Thanksgiving yeah Thanksgiving. and then it's like there are no. leftovers and I'm like fantastic which I. thought was fantastic and then I then I. noticed oh wait a minute the last couple. of years in a row.

there's been I mean guess there's like a. silent night deadly night and Christmas. one of the best horror movies of all. time is it really yeah it really is I. really I really love horror movies but. the thing that's kind of blowing my mind. is how horror has become this almost. like well it's Christmas time and that. used to mean put up the tree put out the. bells now it means release your horror. films where Santa comes down the chimney. with a ssy.

yeah and lops everyone's heads off hey I. know it did used to be like jingle all. the ways coming out now it's like it's. all I think it used to be Halloween was. horror now it's just October November. and December it's just horror movies. yeah and it's not probably keep going. though just going to be like Mother's. Day do you know what I mean there's a. basically a horror movie for every. holiday April Fool's new year's evil. leprechaun it's it's like its own subg. genre it's it's pretty impressive yeah I.

don't know I'm I guess I'm down for it I. have not seen a lot of the Christmas. horror ones but I'm game to give them a. try black Christmas and um have you. heard anything about this Thanksgiving. one I want to see that I've heard it's. great I also know that it's based on. just a fake trailer for the Grindhouse. Tarantino movie okay fantastic and what. 15 16 years later he decided to actually. make it because Eli Roth made the. trailer and he's like well he's had that. idea since he was a kid he's gonna make. might as well make it might as well make. it hey David hopping was supposed to.

bring us in some coffee for this. discussion does anybody seen I asked. actually for a which I don't do often I. asked for a latte uhuh and uh in his. hopping esque way he said he'd do it and. he's always I have to say this about. David he took over kind of for you son. when you became like a big star and then. had kids and everything and wrote a book. and started touring with us and have. your own fan club and big house and. stuff um anyway it's a pretty nice house. anyway do you want me to say thank you. cuz you.

late oh okay okay too late too late but. my point is you used to take your time. and I wouldn't be suspicious at all. David I asked him to get me uh a latte. and then I think you guys put in coffee. orders and that was like 40 minutes ago. and it hasn't happened yet and that's. weird when when you wouldn't show up I'm. like she's fine oh okay but when David. doesn't show up it's weird oh he's so. great he is DAV is hello Conan in the. chill Chums stupid name long time listen. her first time call.

her every day I come into this office. and what do I see Conan Conan Conan. everywhere I look it's a picture of. Conan it's disgusting so guess what I've. kidnapped your precious assistant David. hopping you have 1 hour if every photo. of your face isn't taken off the wall. you'll never see your precious David. hopping ever. again oh no.

I'll be in touch Jesus that was a first. of all I don't know Eduardo do you know. how that got patched in no idea okay I. have a couple of comments quickly I know. David's not a good actor and he does. seem to be in some Peril there because I. know he can't fake it the other thing is. that's a good head shot of me. okay I easily look 20 years younger than. I really am and so I don't know who what. this guy's gripe is here's the thing. though if the if the thing is removing. your photo everybody in this building.

can be a suspect okay that's okay that's. true and we're even suspects so am might. am might to understand now and I have. great yes and skills from years of. improv am might to understand that David. hopping has been kidnapped and tied up. the way uh ad Damone distress was in. like a. 1921 there was there a a choo choo train. coming down that Cho Chu train coming. get him but anyway in a very caricatured. stupid way David's been kidnapped and. and if I don't take down all the.

pictures of me first of all you know. that would take a while there are a lot. and also you know what they're not just. hung up on the wall those things I make. sure those are secured very carefully. put Con in face wallpaper that's. essentially what's out there because it. was ordered 2 years ago but the dye they. use in Sweden takes a long time it's. coming just been handed this thing now. we three were were sort of like innocent. bystanders in this whole thing I've been. handed this we have to question people.

there are suspects in this building we. have to find out who did this oh I like. that we're not even pretending that why. don't we just go take down the pictures. of Conan and save David's life well we. know you're not going to do that no well. a I'm not going to do it we just blew. right past. that well con's not going to so I guess. we should try and solve the case on our. own I don't think there's you know what. at no point did this. villain who clearly I is working off of. 1920s imagery of kidnapping there this.

villain never said don't call the cops. usually they usually there's a reason. why we can't call the cops that's right. or we can't contact the FBI should we. just call the cops I think we should. well I think the cops would just be like. just take down the photos of you oh yeah. that that's not going to happen. we're not doing that two reasons we. can't because number one you can't give. in to kidnappers terrorists because it. sends a bad sign that anyone could hold. you hostage on any given day right true. number two we know you're not going to.

take them pictures of yourself if. anything you're going to put up more to. spite the kid can we do a trade can we. trade you for David yeah do a swap well. uh okay I mean I guess I it depends on. where I'm being taken when I did he. threaten to kill David is that what he. said or just take David maybe to a. better. job oh there's no motivation oh my God. can you kidnap me kidnapper you know. what I love this this kidnapper has. really sloppy this kidnapper is very.

sloppy and very vague about and you. won't see her hopping again which. probably means she'll get a really good. job at Amazon yeah and he'll move. quickly up the ladder and then yeah okay. we don't see him again cuz he's just. he's way richer than we are my guess is. for this to be a good podcast we should. probably try and solve the crime. ourselves because I think if we just. listen to me place a call to the. FBI and then I want to listen to that. and then watch them show up and probably.

search the building for maybe 30 seconds. and find a very pale guy yeah from. Southern Illinois comically tied to a. chair I mean I have some ideas from. where that thing was filmed where David. is currently I know it looked very. familiar this is not a large building. not a large building nonetheless we need. I'm told we need to figure out motive. means and opportunity so Eduardo if you. wouldn't mind being the firstect to hit. the suspect chair Edo motive means.

opportunity okay yeah okay and I also. have something else I have to read here. Act One the motive in this act you will. only be able to question suspects about. who they think had a reason for hopping. getting. napped about who they think had a reason. okay okay who has a in this act you will. only be able to in this act you will wow. Matt wow wow I did it yeah also. kidnapped your ability to. speak keep that in now got to keep it in.

got to keep it in or you'll never see. hopping again oh my God if your flubs. aren't left in you'll never see hopping. again. nion Nixon did it hello Conan and the. chill Chums earlier today David hopping. went out to get Conan's coffee and never. came back he's been kidnapped it's your. job to figure out who the kidnapper is. and save hopping before he uses up all. the air in the room and time Runs Out. welcome to the hoening wow that's a good.

you know what I think they work. backwards from his last name yeah that's. my first clue yeah I think Whoever. thought of this is so lazy yeah they. thought hopping hoening oh let's do a. hor thing well there a reason this isn't. called the mess yeah the. mess here are your suspects okay chills. Eduardo Lisa Maddie Ruthie and Sam wow. to solve this mystery you must question.

these suspects to figure out three. things God who had the motive the means. and the opportunity to kidnap hopping. okay number one motive who has a grudge. against hopping or who would benefit. from hopping being kidnapped number two. means who has the skills necessary to. kidnap hopping or who has the. tools he can't put up that much of a. fight no he's about a he's about as. strong as a stalk of. ride.

or who has the tools or access to the. tools to do such a thing and finally. opportunity who had the chance or the. time during the day to enact such a. devious plan there is only one person. who as all three and this person is your. kidnapper okay can I say one thing one. of the problems with opportunity is no. one here seems to do much oh and I'm. serious a lot of people here just seem. to screw around this is your company I. know but the fish stinks from the head. and so I'm just saying opportunity who.

who who slipped out without punching. their time card at the Larchmont offices. of Team Coco but anyway let's get into. it we're sitting with us now is hold on. hold on a little bit more I'm God. whoever organized this is really just a. pain in the ass in this act you will. only be able to question suspects about. who they think had a reason for hopping. getting napped who has a grudge against. hopping or who would benefit from. hopping being kidnapped in the first. video the clues you learned were the. kidnapper was thrown throwing paper. balls at hopping there were travel books.

for Norway and Thailand stacked up in. the back uhhuh is it okay if I start now. are there seven more pages of to. read are we good is that all we have. okay we're good yeah clearly someone had. a lot of extra time okay Eduardo full. name please Eduardo Perez okay and where. were you B Eduardo Perez excuse Meed say. it after me Eduardo Perez Eduardo Perez. you got it very good um Eduardo in uh. well I'll use English because I think. we're we. people um Eduardo uh first of all I want.

to start by complimenting you you are. ingenious you built uh the this. beautiful sound booth that we use this. this uh Studio I don't know I got to. tell you right away I mean this is a. very talented man uh this is a hell of. an interrogation I know what are you. doing I'm it's called good cop good cop. oh this cop's going to leave soon and. then another cop's going to come by and. tell him how handsome he. is it really here he comes ah you're a.

goodlooking fell and my partner tells me. you're also very talented and that you. built this whole place that's true who. do you think who do you think did it. I'll tell you for sure first off just to. get this out of the way I Didn't Do It. secondly good enough for me yeah I'm. eliminating you as a suspect no great. just to get out of the way secondly you. know it pains me as we know snitches get. stitches yes so this is not easy for me. to do yeah but you're saying very. readily especially s here uh of the.

sorry can you repeat the six suspects oh. my God chills Eduardo Lisa Maddie Ruthie. and Sam these are by the way to the. listeners all people that work in the. building kind of work sometimes I I do. think Maddie uh as talented as she is I. don't know if you guys are aware but. she's uh she's dabbled and and more than. dabbled in standup comedy yes uh what. did you guys write down oh I write down. I know who it is now and every now and.

then she's kind of filled in for David. like task I've noticed you know when you. need water or stuff like that before an. interview um so I would believe maybe. next step up she could fill in this is. interesting to me this is interesting to. me because yes so she interfaces with. Talent a lot all the time um she's the. one who when Talent comes in to do the. podcast she she takes care of them she. gets them into the building um so she. has a great awareness of the facility. right which I don't I don't. I just go right to my office that's.

exactly right and and I I hear what. you're saying I could see her thinking. wait a minute if I get hopping out of. the way I slide into that position then. I become Conan's assistant we all know. what happened when Sona was my assistant. she became a star and then uh Maddie. becomes a star that's very here my. question what do you think about all the. photos of Conan in the building aren't. there a lot I could care less okay I'm. in the room with this guy all the time. assaulted visually when you walk in from. both sides of the hallway it's like.

running through that scene in Raiders of. the Lost AR where darts are shooting at. you from both sides I put my head down. and come straight into this room so. there's a wall siiz photo of him as a. viking there is one right right when you. come in right when you come in I. personally thought that's a cool looking. photo so I I have no problem just one. last quick question should I get lip. fillers I have very you know now that. I'm sitting now I'm th they're very thin. lips I can see that also I've got beady. little eyes that that I think have my. film career I have beady little.

suspicious creep the worst investigator. all you're doing is complimenting him. you are terrible also can I just say one. thing very handsome and you do an. amazing job here and here's my partner. to really rough you up okay great you. are fantastic oh my God and uh both. these guys suck you're lovely and uh. yeah you crossed out his name and then. you starred next to Maddie just off of. what he said well can I just say. something I am easily swayed so right. now I'm quite certain it's Maddie and.

and also you actually really work here. do and a lot of people don't but every. time I come in this building you are. hard at work thank this guy does not. have the opportunity right I have a a. slight concern about Maddie though one. of the clues was the travel books to. Thailand and Norway she didn't go to. Thailand in Norway that doesn't mean the. person had to go to Thailand I know I'm. just saying but that's a clue who here. did chills chills went the the only. other person by the way see Ruthie no no. Sam Maddie Lisa only chills no but I. this is the thing you got to be careful.

uh you have to just be very careful. about this because we'll work our way. through the investigation you may be. jumping ahead why are you getting so. serious because I know you were just. complimenting one of the suspects for. like 40 minutes you said you got to be. careful like I insulted your children. putting a clue down you asked him if you. need lip fillers that is not doing a. good job got be careful yeah I hate hate. that you jumped ahead. and started making assumptions when we.

don't have all the facts yet I take this. very seriously and I'll tell you. something else I take the fact that I. might need lip fillers seriously it's. always bothered me that I have I have no. lips I'm like a muppet and I think. that's hurt me David could be getting. murdered right now you're talking about. lip fillers and your eyes we got to move. on thank you ad thank you very much. anytime I'm I'm I'm you know what it's. interesting he like passed the blame on. don't leave the state yeah yeah you stay. nearby oh actually you have stay right. here he's got a nice walk too oh my God.

Conan you got you can't treat the. suspect he's as nice walking away as he. is coming towards you you know he's a. good looking F I'm just saying okay why. don't bring someone else in for this. First Act who do you want to bring in. next let's bring in Lisa cuz I I want to. I have some questions about her Lisa and. I'm just going to say this uh to our. listeners so they're aware Lisa Blair. hello is the sister of Aaron and they've. both worked for me for many years so um. let's get her in here oh hello Lisa.

she's married now okay I know but what. I'm saying I telling them that she's. related to Blair and also I only use. maiden names oh yeah okay I still I. still call my mother Mrs. Reen Lisa how are you I'm good how are. you okay listeners uh this is uh Lisa. and Lisa you have worked for me for how. many years I think 20 20 years and in. that time your main responsibility has. been to get audiences for me yes I was. the audience coordinator for a very long. time for many many years is it tough to.

get people to come and listen to me oh. my God Conan Jesus oh God no no they. come in droves I had I had like a to. beat them off with a stick basically but. like like a. murder you just said when approached by. people you swing a stick no I'm very. friendly and my customer service skills. but you're saying the con ticket even at. my Advanced age is still a hot ticket it. is a hot ticket very good okay I just. wanted to establish that that could help. us with the crime not at all doesn't. help us at all you get really good.

laughers too it's terrific sometimes I. feel like the better people are in the. back can you get them to the front oh my. God hopping has got plent first of all. David is dying now he's running out of. air you know what can I say something. yes I know this building well you know. how well you know how well this building. would have to be built for any room to. be airtight there's plenty of air. getting in probably put a towel. underneath the door oh I didn't. think of that okay so Lisa some. questions. hopping is missing MH okay and heard I'm.

really sad like I hope he's okay sure um. me too I like no whatever I don't know I. tell whatever well I'm just saying I. tell Jeff Ross hoppin's gone and there's. an you guys are like Dixie Cups you pull. one and another one drops. down I've had 55 assistants so whatever. okay oh no I might have to ask Jeff to. make sure someone else is here from the. Midwest tomorrow to get my coffee oh my. who also doesn't know what a Tesla is oh.

I'm really so anyway Lisa it's. probably I mean he he knows my PayPal. and stuff so it's good let's try and my. pay PayPal he knows how to use I don't. know how to use these things and he. knows how to do why do you have a PayPal. oh my God you me you need every every. need PP Brian what do you I mean payp it. up you got to PayPal it up all the time. yeah that's how by the way that's how. you're paid for this podcast noticed no. I haven't got a time I well I didn't say.

I was good at it we've accomplished. nothing my my w my paper is completely. blank Lisa I got to get to it okay who. do you think committed this crime I you. know I really think like two people. could have done it not together but just. suspicious you have two two people on. their suspect list okay yeah I mean. first of all I just I'm sorry Eduardo. but like you know I just see how Conan. treats you and like everybody talks. about in the office they just say that. like he doesn't respect you and he like. throws stuff at you all the time I said.

that stuff behind his back the whole. point is to be nice to him to his. face he does throw stuff the kidnapper. was throwing stuff at hopping that could. be kind of a a Revenge wait a minute you. know what's interesting what you bring. up a really good point oh now I'm not. jumping ahead paper yeah before you were. okay before you I mean that was criminal. what you did before and I'm surprised. you still have your badge go ahead with. the paper thing tell them well the one. of the things we learned from the clue. in the video is that the kidnapper was. throwing paper balls at hopping yeah.

interesting and you do that to both bla. and Eduardo so Conan is a suspect no if. I were involved hopping would be dead. yeah wouldn't be kidnapped I'd just kill. him right away I wouldn't do you know. the time it takes to tie someone up even. someone that weak no I what I do is when. we read ads I crumple up the page papers. afterwards and then I don't know if you. can see but I fire them at. Eduardo or blé and then. um Eduardo was often protected by his uh.

computer screen which really enrages me. I want to actually get a new kind of. computer that has a big hole in the. middle anyway so I can hit him in the. chest uh that's interesting so you're. thinking I think it's either Eduardo or. maybe chills why chills chills well you. know I you know I've worked on the show. forever and and I used to even share an. office with chills and I just know he. loves chaos like he does he's an agent. of chaos yeah and I just think like what. a better way to cause chaos than to take.

away hopping I mean yeah but I mean. don't you kind of get sick of Conan. after a while like you you used to walk. by so many pictures of him all the fans. were like Conan Conan Conan doesn't it. make you sick no you know what it's like. I have been on I've worked for Kona for. so long and my brother works on the show. like I feel like I'm family like so it's. like walking into like my house you this. is the lady do protest too much I mean I. I don't know lot of con no I just it's.

like a warm hug yeah and I'm going to. tell you something else first of all I. feel that's how everyone feels and these. two are outliers just absolutely. not I don't think it's Lisa because she. gets my audiences and that is a sacred. trust I need good audiences and you've. been handling that for years so I don't. think she could have snapped sorry yeah. she could have she could have snapped. that's true I guess you could have a. mental break yeah I'm about there yeah. um it happens to everybody who works. here so think chills well obviously. chills goes on the Travel shows and he.

has two travel books throwing the papers. takes me more to. Eduardo and maybe the books are there to. throw me off or maybe the papers are. there to throw me off any last questions. for Lisa um is there a way that we could. get just people that never stop laughing. oh my God thank you very I'll work it. even during the setups to jokes they're. just they're laughing I'm on it okay God. she's. fantastic uhoh tick tock tick tock.

time's a wasting gang and I don't see. any photos being taken off the wall I'd. ask David to do it but he's a little. tied up right. now sorry just some kidnapper humor. Conan I think it's time to light a. little fire under that flat Irish ass. guess what I found on hopping your. special cream that's right if you don't. take those pictures of your Face Off the. Wall not only you never seeing hopping.

again but you're never going to see her. cream again and I know you're not going. to ask for it yourself take the pictures. down I'll be in. touch again that video ended with the. head shot that's a great head shot Oh I. thought that was like in The Exorcist. when they flashed the demon Pazuzu on. the screen for a split second I didn't. go there I just went to that guy has. aged first of all it's an old photo but. man it looks good I saw a lot of merch. in there yeah that's Ruth's territory.

Conan at the Apollo yeah there's mer. there's merch that's Ruthie that was. merch is it also worth noting that. David's tied up in XLR audio cables very. good but can I say something again that. to me that eliminates Eduardo completely. because he knows that that XLR cable if. you tie it up like that you can you can. damage it I mean right we're talking. about correct I would if I were to tie. somebody up it wouldn't be like that. with no no this is I mean. he's he no he has like a fine chef who.

then is killing people with his best cut. of ve no he's not going to do that he's. not going to waste that Eduardo it's not. you thank you that's interesting. actually because I was just handed this. card thank you blle here are the things. that we were supposed to look out for. there hopping was being kept near a pile. of merch hopping was tied up with audio. cables who has access to the audio. cabinet well we know I mean that's too. obvious Eduardo does but no it's not. Eduardo you can't say it's not Eduardo. just cuz you like Eduardo yeah he's he's.

very talented and he's quite. good-looking oh my God people like that. don't need to kill let's bring in our. next subject I still think Bundy's. innocent that was a good-look guy no no. Conan no no that guy cleaned up real. nice you ever see him in a polo. shirt I I mean I saw hey I saw a Son of. Sam once had a tuxedo guy look. amazing Jesus I'm just saying they.

should relook at the evidence these. might be innocent people oh boy who are. we calling next um well I guess uh it's. time to talk to Maddie Maddie please. come in let's get Maddie to come in I. know who I'm taking off my list I've. already taken up you've already. eliminated someone yeah it's how I do it. I work really quickly and I eliminate. most people just on ah here she is hi hi. excuse me I'll run this interrogation oh.

you're really bad at it quiet please. okay um Maddie are you a fan of my work. oh my god oh jeez are you a fan you. we'll remind you you're under oath I uh. I am under oath um honestly I am a fan. okay all right I love the kind of. qualified. guilty got true sociopath no no I should. get to more important. matters lip filler for me my oh my God. okay no I so this we'll get into it.

you've heard hoppings missing he's. somewhere in this very small building. but we don't have the energy to leave. the building and find him quickly uh so. we're going to play this out because. maybe we can monetize it Jam some ads in. here uh but that's not the point uh a. man's life is at stake um Maddie who do. you think is responsible you know I. don't know anything about cables or. audio equipment I don't associate myself. with that um I work with my people.

celebrities and and aren't we amazing. people celebrities I I'm a huge fan of. Steven Wright and Taylor Tomlinson Bill. hater it's been a true pleasure to work. with them um. wow innocent. yes um but you know who does know where. all of the audio equipment is is Eduardo.

he seems to love working second finger. second finger okay well now that makes. me suspicious you're now suspicious of. Eduardo no I think it's too many people. pointing fingers at Eduardo exactly and. when too many fingers go towards Eduardo. I start to think Maddie you've been. accused you've been accused because um. it's no secret that you are uh a very. talented person you're funny you're. pursuing a possible career in the. comedic arts and uh you might see an.

opportunity say something were to happen. to hoping let's say he's comedically. tied up and then suffocates in a room. that has plenty of air. um in a very small recording studio. where he's like probably feet from us. but that's not the point might even be. this room might be in the corner I have. to I have to make sure I don't I don't. avert my gaze or turn my neck slight. cuz I might see him and be able to. rescue him but that's not the point the.

point. is you really stand gain if something. happens to happening and you slide into. that position you could be the next Sona. and that's about as big a star as anyone. can be. well New York Times number one selling. book seller seller book that is true and. by the way Sona it is my mom's favorite. book you should know oh thank you true. next to Scientology but you you you've. seen us interact with each other mhm. you've seen I mean I worked from for.

many many years is there anything about. this job that seems even slightly. appealing to you you could be honest I. mean listen uh am I jealous of the. social media following and fan base that. you and David have seemed to have. garnered from getting Conan to do funny. bits with you that could possibly get me. a career uh in comedy that would make me. more successful and hotter than Matt r. oh wow man I'm so are you aware you're.

crying right now are you. aware you're crying no really I'm so I'm. so happy look there's blood there's. blood in the tears there's absolute. blood in the tears so happy it never. been happier in my entire life for. anyone wow motive underline yeah there's. a motive here I'm sorry MADD but even. you have to admit there's a motive here. Fame you know what under no no no you. want I mean listen you just performed.

very poorly on the witness. stand you just pretty much uh sealed. your fate I mean got so talented yeah. but then you went on and on about Matt R. and so yeah you know I mean whatever. that these young people I got to kill. them in the crib you know what I can't. exuse me wait you in the suspect any. younger comedian who's really good and. successful and moving up quickly I need. to squash that now so that was a. mistake well even I consider even hater.

I I should have I should have knocked. him out of the box a long time ago oh. he's gotten too big anyway he's great I. wouldn't mind some photos of him up in. the building too yeah yeah I don't know. there aren't too many photos of him. never quite made it hater he's very. famous not sure really really well for. himself never really done much after. rest know my honestly who I model my. comedy career after Barry I don't even. know what Barry is him it's Emmy. nominated show that he had on HBO is his.

feeling okay I don't know we should. check on his assistant MD you seem. extremely. guilty I like your gummy bear earrings I. know do you uh you're lucky that Sona. didn't just swallow one of. those uh okay thank you so much Maddie. for your time appreciate it maybe. there's going to be another spooky video. soon or maybe oh oh no con hi hi hi hi. it's me ding he your assistant um I did.

manage to escape I'm really proud of. myself about that I'm usually not good. at that kind of thing but um I did. manage to escape but I. cannot get out of this room uh I know. that whenever you hired me you said you. hate it whenever your assistants get. kidnapped and I'm really sorry that I. feel like I let you down no I did not. get a good look at the kidnapper one. minute I'm outside walking I have your. coffee double shot latte just how you. like it and then all of a sudden bam I. get hit in the head and I'm out cold now. listen listen the kidnapper must have. been someone that can leave the office. during the day and then they also must. be really sneaky cuz I heard nothing. they must walk so quietly and when I.

woke up I was in this room right here um. I was still being tied up and here's the. weird thing this kidnapper had really. strong hands and Conan one more thing um. they have your special cream um the one. that you told me not they're coming back. I have to go wow okay well we do need to. get him an acting coach was amazing um. why did the kidnapper leave him with his. cell phone and why didn't he call the. police it's not the cell phone is the. kidnapper's V Des camera the kidnapper. blows I mean let's just let's just let's.

call let's just get right to the chase. this is a terrible kidnapper I wish all. kidnappers were this bad because then. there'd be no. kidnappings um here are the clues the. kidnapper was able to leave work during. the day uh during day yeah which anyone. can kidnapper was sneaky and strong okay. well first of all this is not an army. base this. is I mean this is about this is a. basically like a pizza. who cannot leave during the day is there. a vampire here this this is a this is a.

a a Pete's Coffee where they happen to. make a podcast in the corner people are. coming in and out all day long yeah a. lot of people work remotely they don't. even come in someone who can leave. during the day everybody leaves during. the day I feel like there's a more of a. clue there sneaky oh oh oh there was. something what um they walk very quietly. sneaky and strong they have strong hands. according to David strong hands well I. have very strong hands but it's I know. it's not me cuz again i' have murdered.

David and may still see your hands Ardo. no not pretty weak wow what no they do. I'm sorry you look like you sleep with. both of your hands in little bowls of. heavy cream you're just I I swear to God. your manicure looks nice but no it's not. it's not it's not those are not working. man's hands I mean let's bring Old Iron. grip Ruthie in here okay iron grip. Ruthie i g Ruth Ru let's get Ruru in. here oh I have I have thoughts Ruthie is.

our uh social media and merch manager. right yeah she does pretty much. everything Ruth jack of all trades. lovely person Ruthie have a seat please. hi uh your first your full name please. Ruthie Wyatt Ruthie Wyatt and Ruthie. you've worked for me for how long 13. years what merch is moving what merch. does well oh God Jesus Christ what kind. of stuff goes well like if it's just. Conan it prob cells and then when you. add these two num skulls we probably see. a little bit of a.

dip I noticed there was some leftover. Conan at the Apollo shirts in there yeah. there are yeah there are we've got that. yeah well those we're saving those for. the Smithsonian being set aside so uh. Ruthie you handle merch signed posters. by you signed posters by me not goes to. the roof a lot of photographic stuff. I've taken most of those photograph of. pictures you have face all there's no. way that I did it though why I love. David okay but not Conan I love Conan.

she does love me she said that many. times after a couple of drinks many. pictures who do you think did it you. know I hate to say it but it might be. Maddie why I think Maddie is looking. like a strong suspect because she's. clearly insane well you know what I mean. just like I'm going to be comedy like oh. my God yeah you know she's able to leave. whenever she does have a new comedy show.

that she's producing on her own called. OG dicks so I don't know she's able to. leave she has to leave all the time she. has to go get DRS and stuff wa are you. telling me that she's on on company. times she leaves to work on her new show. OG dicks OG dicks yeah wow is that what. you're saying you're saying she part of. her job is that she leaves well she has. to leave and run errand sometimes like. if you know like she needs to refill the. basket of snack. for talent and for celebrities right.

like she has to go out but then like you. know she's also got her own stuff going. on with her comedy career she's very. funny though she's very ambitious very. ambitious how strong are her hands she's. very strong but delicate also I mean I'm. not going to put put her um do you mind. if I shake your hand right now sure yeah. I would love to oh Jesus Christ let's. try wow that is a. grip and we don't shake hands we hug no. we hug I love you I love you too Ruthie. didn't do it no I couldn't you're in on. it Ruthie you know I adore Ruthie and. and but I will say this Ruthie has.

traveled on many travel shows with me. she is familiar with my travel shows and. she has worked uh traveled uh often with. blle on many travel shows she is. familiar with the travel millu so I. could see her having access to those. books also merch and um you got a good. grip see so many photos of you wouldn't. it be nice if there were just a few left. photos of Conan in this building yeah if. anyone's going to snap looking at my.

photo it might be Ruthie it's Ruthie I'm. with you on this do you have access to. the audio. cabinet Eduardo is that true so does. Eduardo Eduardo's jumping let handsome. one gets you it's interesting he's. jumping in well no no what I'm saying is. but you have access to the audio closet. you also deal in merch you also are sick. of seeing my face no I'm not I love do. you leave throughout the do can you. leave yeah I can leave Ruthie most. important question of all does it bother.

you that my lips are so thin but you. look at the photos all the time looked. at them a lot but can we plump do I need. to plump them up a little bit are they. okay no I like your lips they're great. all right don't put anything in them. okay I'm thinking of doing it we need. you as is how does that help the case. how does that help getting get David. back we get David back or we don't we I. have a goddamn career to think about. this pumpkin's rotting fast can you just. show me what what fluff up your lips. let's God it's terrible but maybe you.

get a lip tattoo maybe he needs a lip. tattoo oh my God yeah you should do it. with really luscious lips oh God big. plumpy pillowy lips and women are always. looking at it like I'd like to I'd like. to have a smackeroo with him is that. something they say for kissing smackeroo. with him I want a smackeroo with that. guy okay so one will question it Ruthie. you I'm I'm with you I am highly. suspicious of MD first of all I'm highly. suspicious of anyone who just young. people that are ambitious creep me out. oh uh so I think she's got to go I mean.

I I don't know I mean we still have. chills and Salon to interrogate thank. you Ruthie you're welcome ruie thank you. very much okay you're welcome okay I. love Ruthie though I really do I know. that a lot of Clues point to Ruthie but. I don't think it's Ruthie either okay. she had I mean she has a motive she has. a motive who else do you throw paper. balls at I'm just curious do you throw. them at Chills no you don't you throw. him at bla I throw at BL for bl's not on. the I will say chills is the one that. picks them up he is right because I.

refuse to clean up after myself yes you. don't ever clean up after yourself cuz. that was because that's the status I've. achieved in this. world what's safe chills and what's do. Sam Sam Sam uh oh here we go right she's. got cool style yeah she does I like. style you can't keep complimenting. people who it's my technique okay but. it's not would you put that you seem. like you're too good to put the just she. put the headset on or not if you'd like. I mean it just you don't have have to.

you don't have to does my hair look okay. your hair looks amazing um I'm going to. start with a few compliments thank you. uh I think you're terrific you've done. it you do a wonderful job and um I love. your style thank you you just walked in. here you got those cowboy boots you got. the cool barrettes I don't know I just. think she's great are you a murderer are. you a murderer not that I'm aware of. first of all we're not even looking for. a murder yeah David's alive uh I. consider him dead at this point. even if he shows up if if we get him out. of this alive I may kill him okay we.

just talked to Ruthie um and I don't. know Sam who do you think may have done. this look this might this might get me. fired because she it's hard to very hard. to fire people because if you go through. the HR it's so difficult and we have to. give you warnings you can you can get. away with murder at this point so don't. worry about fire me alive kidnapp but uh. I do think it's Ruthie um and she's my. boss so why do you think it's Ruthie uh. this is the thing she is constantly. trying to go viral on like Tik Tok.

Instagram and this is the exact kind of. thing that would get the clicks you know. like this is going to be written about. people are going to be posting and. that's interesting I don't know I think. it's a good click baity thing do you. have access to the audio cabinet I mean. I do but I do everything on my phone so. there's no need for me to go on the. cabinet but you do have access you do. have access sure can I see your hands. please they're so delicate you have a. lot of Taylor S friendship bracelets I. do you know who else is a Swifty David.

hopping David hopping is a Swifty yeah. did you get to go see the recent tour. but hopping did did that make you angry. that hopping got to go and you didn't. when you consider yourself the bigger. Taylor Swift fan look I'm happy for him. do I wish he would have invited me to a. couple of the shows yeah wow he went to. several shows he went to several shows. and didn't invite you to one how much. are you pay and I made him I made him. friendship bracelets are thousands of. dollars I tell him he has access first. of all here's how it works with David.

you better check your no it's it's the. same thing with Sona I always tell my. assistant here's my bank account and. then take out what you need for your for. your living and then it was like six. years later I saw this one on Lake me in. a boat a huge boat yes thank you that. said cone. [Laughter]. sucker how maybe it's you tell me why. wow we got a. Realo here no I'm going to this is.

another technique I'm trying what tell. me why it isn't you because I think it. is you keep changing your I it's just. not my sty I think it's you I've never. liked. you all this nice stuff about me I said. that to butter you up but now I'm a. different guy and I'm going to throw you. off balance your style sucks you've got. no style that's not nice well I'm sorry. but you know look I am a very Zen person. I'm a yoga teacher I am not about any of. this violence I. meditate like this is not who I am the. people that tell me they're Zen and.

meditate are the ones that have more. anger and frustration than anyone else I. know oh yeah yeah I swear to God every. yoga teacher I've ever known has done. some time in jail for trying to kill. somebody seriously every single yoga. teacher oh okay yeah that's not me it. wouldn't be me okay so you're Zen I have. very petite. hands but you I will say this what. you're quiet yeah let me see those. you've got some tattoos some ink what's. this Rune this one oh that's a Icelandic. Rune Icelandic Rune what does it mean.

love okay love tattoo I'm going to. kidnap someone one on your thumb the. cherries from Pac-Man it's it's not from. Pac-Man it's just cherries he what about. that one on your Forum that says live to. kidnap yeah yeah what's that all about. we can disregard all right forget okay. well thank you Sam very much Sam I do. admire you and now I'm going back to the. regular guy your style is off the charts. all right thank you I tried to Rattle. you with the whole you keep changing. your interrogation techniques it's not a. good strategy or the best no it's not or.

it is no it's not or it is well no but. then it's still not the best it is the. best you change it like it hurt my. feelings exactly but later on you're. going to think he also complimented me I. don't know what I think and then you're. going to start crying and then you're. confess to this terrible crime okay all. right am I done okay thank you am I done. here please do not leave the St still an. employee yeah thanks Sam okay we just. have one more and it's chills yeah. chills man chill his name's chills that. right there feels a little uh red hering.

I feel like he can get away with. anything because you value him so much. too chills I'm GNA give everyone a. little before chills gets in here I'm. going to say my nickname for him is the. warrior yeah he's been with me he. started working for me like two years. into the show as an intern he has been. everywhere in the world with me uh he'd. do anything for me it's a long. con wow you think it's a long con let's. get him in here yeah I think so I mean. he does really seem to make this place. go all right chills good to see you oh.

friends he said interesting now we're. friends snuck in here he's quiet when he. walks in here Dixie Cubs before made me. die but great hey now he's flattering. you's on trial here look at that wow. look at that likes my bits huh true. kidnapper innocent okay chills yes you. started working from me what year 96 96. okay 27 year it'll be 27 years in. December has nothing to do with David. hold on a second uh this is a man who I. think.

loyalty uh and this incredible I mean. talk about this the record of this. gentleman you've been everywhere in the. world with me yeah we've been through. every Adventure you were on the old. timey baseball remote yes you've been in. the trenches with me and so many. different countries around the world Yep. this guy I call him the warrior I can't. believe he would do anything to harm me. and now I'm thinking about it how does. kidnapping hopping really harm me oh. he's assistant again we've proven it's. not about harming you it's about getting.

your Goddamn face off that wall yeah you. know that's that's walk in every day and. it's like seeing that picture these. pictures again for the first time like I. love seeing those God come on chills I. don't believe it for a you walk up the. stairs and you see him as the Viking. I've seen in between takes I've seen him. come up to you and like rough you up a. little bit sometimes that's what. brothers do brother brother paper balls. that he throws around all the ad copy. that he do you pick those I this this.

studio I can kind of like run this like. not run it but like I tend to it make. sure everything's running smoothly so. yeah I clean up at the end and you don't. mind that that doesn't bother but like I. I mean we clean up after ourselves but. Conan doesn't clean up after himself. doesn't have piss you off no man no it's. like Louis the 16th didn't say oh I'm. sorry I'll get I drop that I'll go get. it that's ridiculous I totally agree. yeah I mean this is Versa and you know. like chill what's wrong Lou I might have. dropped uh put of my cant I should go.

get it and pick it up with if someone. sees it they shouldn't have to pick it. up I should do it that was not Louis the. 16th where are all your travel books do. you know where they all are right now I. know where they all are do you yes let's. see those hands yeah pretty subal oh my. God I tell you something about this guy. this guy's been wrangling props dragging. them through airports in Milan cables. cables no I have nothing to do with. cables you have access to the audio C I. certainly have access but there's a lot.

of people who have access I'm in this. room I'm in the room next St the control. room all the time but we wouldn't always. know you tiptoe around because you're. you're conscious of the audio recording. you are kind of furtive and you know in. the shadows oh I see yeah yeah if I left. that room for a second this place would. fall apart I believe that yeah I do too. I believe that I believe and I've often. said this to. chills when the end comes it's probably. going to be me and him alone oh God the.

last three will be Ross me and chills. but then Ross will get a call that his. reservation came through at the. restaurant and he'll leave and it'll be. just chills and I as as the monsters. move in the Orcs Jeff will be Jeff will. be in an Uber headed off to latanzi and. uh and then it'll just be it'll just be. the two of us so I am not going to. accuse chills I just don't see it I. don't see it it's impossible to me you. have complimented every single person on.

this list except Maddie now Maddie I. grant did no I know what I said is that. Maddie's talented she's funny I think. she's going places I'll do everything I. can to help her with her comedy career. because I think she's got it but I think. she's a murderess I think I think she's. too fresh I think you need somebody who. has seen you a lot who's sick of you and. your photos and chills is has been here. the longest chills would I just can't I. can't I can't turn against chills not. even if it's some kind of Comedy conceit. I won't I won't do it as an outsider I.

have the the least bias on everybody. here and I do think that all the clues. point to chills and then you're you're. kind of a denying them but you must uh. like at least admit that you seem. suspicious on paper right based on all. the clues yeah yeah when can I leave I. can't leave this room for a second also. can I tell you something else I. constantly walk around the neighborhood. and I see all of you getting your. parfait your your creme bruet having.

your Belgian waffles toasting each other. with glass appol spritzes you all just. goof off all the time I never see chills. that's true I go days without eating. that's true you don't you don't leave. yeah he just sucks on his Wool Cap and. gets some of the old beef BR from our. Ireland remote but you're you're like on. the move a lot with Conan and things. change up the SHO and you have to you. have to be the one who changes. everything doesn't that piss you off no.

I love what I do I love working for this. guy yeah oh man you had the glazed over. look of a hostage just you do you're. really complimenting him a lot right now. I I just can't it's not chills and um if. it is chills I would pardon him and then. I would help him kill. H my God okay let's release chills cuz. we got a we got to figure this out I got. your back man I'm not going to let them. we're I'll never turn against you please.

don't leave the state yeah yeah yeah uh. time's up you had an hour to figure out. my identity and what did you do you. spend it arguing amongst yourselves. pathetic and. unsurprising well I guess it's time to. hear your accusation who do you think I. am uh cute the dramatic royaltyfree. music. [Music]. please oh boy well you can tell it's. royalty freak cuz it's really not fun to. listen to who would put a royalty on.

this piece of no just sounds like. I'm watching selling sunset this is like. a whales. EKG it's. royaltyfree you'll get no money from. this so there's only here's what we know. about the kidnapper very uneven in the. music field but right right there's. paper there's merch there's cable the. kidnapper was able to leave work during.

the day the kidnapper was sneaky and. strong hopping was being kept near a. pile of merch hopping was tied up with. audio cables who has access to the audio. cabinet the kidnapper was throwing paper. balls at hopping there were travel books. for Norway Thailand stacked up in the. back only one suspect has a motive a. means and an opportunity well I'm going. to say I I agree that chills a lot of. things can point to chills but he did. not have the opportunity can't leave I. think you're right I think and um sorry. chills I was wrong about you uh Eduardo.

I mean Eduardo can't leave during the. podcast either no is that we it has to. be like it's like not just the whole day. but it's during the podcast I think it's. during the day they can't leave cuz I. think these these threats were all. during the day chills can leave during. the day really you can't go outside in. LA with a wool hat on with and not get. not get picked up by a car a police car. so I'm going to say it's not chills. but it could be Eduardo Eduardo can't. leave he's doing this I'm saying it's.

not chills for sure could it possibly be. Eduardo yeah but I'm gon to say no it's. not it's not Eduardo I know who my. suspect is I think we all know who your. suspect is it's Maddie I don't I think. there needs to be less people in comedy. so that I can flourish and she threatens. me you've already done it for a long. time and you know what you've. established yourself my I talked to my. doctor the other day and he said I have. a good six years of life left and I want. to use that I know I was shocked too. that's not a lot he said six Max oh man.

I got to get another job uh so anyway um. yeah I don't I don't know I I highly I. have mine is up to highs yeah um mine. mine is that Ruthie has the motive the. means and the opportunity her motive is. she has to take pictures of you all the. time yeah she can leave and she has. access to the audio cabinet but then. there's the paper balls and the the. travel books but also strong hands. strong hands right now I don't that mean.

look strong hands from pressing. photograph pictures all day pressing. them what do you meaning what is she. doing with them taking pictures her. fingers Flex Oh I thought you meant she. had a giant Ben Franklin. Press I I'm gonna you guys I'm gonna say. it's Eduardo I there I'm saying it I'm. saying Eduardo is Eduardo is my suspect. all right well Eduardo I refuse to say. it's you thanks uh uh I love you. man um oh my I just think God he's very.

goodl looking tough sorry that's. confusing I think yeah Ruthie but God. I've been with Ruthie so long that would. be such a betrayal we don't have to. agree right we don't have to you have to. agree it has to be one person are you sh. you all have to agree guys Maddie come. on she's nuts she's. crazy who wants to be in comedy as a. profession I know no you have to be sick. to do that she doesn't have access to. the audio cabinet what does she care. about paper balls and travel books yes.

oh I guess that eliminates her well it's. there for a reason damn that was a. terrible put down that just kind that. was just logical what I said to you but. I said it like it was a put down oh man. you're right maybe it's not Maddie I. want it to beardo I'm sorry I know you I. know you you got a chills boner but I. think it's I think I think it might be. chills he checks off every except he. can't leave he can't leave it's not. chills and also I can't I can't live in.

a world where it's chills I can't this. isn't real God I hope it's chills it I. hope it's chills no it's I'm I'm telling. you I will not if we all have to agree. bark up another tree it's not chills I. won't do it can you agree that Eduardo. has all of the sure I'll throw him down. the the deepest hole I don't care he. can't really leave either though but are. we saying during the podcast recordings. I thought said during the day no no just. during the day he can Ardo I've seen him. go get I'm getting signals from the guy.

who created this whole show that he. can't leave okay all right so it's not. Eduardo I'm telling you it's not chills. and I and so just throw that away so. who's left we never went back to Lisa. who Sam has seen yeah Lisa is dealing. with your fans all the time she always. looks at photos of you and has to deal. with people who love you she has access. to everything does she I don't know the. audio cabinet Sam does Sam can leave. does Sam have a motive I do think I'm.

gonna say that balls and travel B I've. noticed a lot of times I make my jokes. and quips and I'm always doing bits and. stuff and everyone's laughing Sam not so. much oh you can't penalize someone no. not penalized but I I do know that Sam. has that you know that kind of she's. very young she's in the corner she's got. cool style and she's just sort of. staring at me like keep laughing laughy. man keep laughing away I'll see you in. your coffin one day that's the that's. the look I get from her I have a new. respect for Sam well you know what Lisa.

has I think motived because you abuse. her brother all the time and but she. doesn't like her brother you throw paper. at I think you got it because then the. travel books and paper all relate to bla. he leaves he goes on those those things. on those uh that's actually interesting. that's interesting Lisa is related to. bla BL goes on the Travel shows she sees. me throwing paper at him all the time. and assault I do assault him beat him.

well I beat him with an inch of his life. yes which I think employers are allowed. to do to employees oh you're not. supposed to okay good good okay from now. on no more um should we go with Lisa I. think it's Lisa I think it's Lisa I want. it to be Maddie cuz I really want to nip. that career in the bud I want it to be. chills just to see your heartbreak okay. uh I think we have I think we have to. accuse Lisa okay. wrong like I promised you'll never see. hopping again but I'm not killing him oh.

no no no no I'm sending him to Hawaii. where he'll live out the rest of his. days in Paradise AKA away from you. three later suckers and now it's time. for me to come into the studio and. reveal myself okay this is exciting what. if it's David I'm so excited I'm excited. I actually am quite excited I actually. this is well done I have to say this is. well done and I'm I don't. like it's.

Ruthie Ruthie you dirty devil Ruthie God. Ruthie oh my God you were my first pick. I know you were on to me from the start. you know what I couldn't I I I care. about you too much I know I like you. she's been in my corner for so long and. you betray well actually again I don't. care that much about hopping so whatever. you don't care you girls oh my God. what's the paper balls and travel books.

red herring oh you you son of a. yeah that's called bad writing yeah you. know she came in here she had the. attitude of someone who's guilty too you. know what you know what bla you crafted. this whole thing right yeah I love if. bla were a mystery writer and he did a. murder on the orange Express and then at. the end the answer was no buy they're. not even on the. train what no it's that guy who lived 80. years later the trains are red herring I. would be all for red herrings but the. stuff you gave us to read that are like.

meta below the performance are saying. here's a clue here's a clue Clues have. to make some sense I the paper and the. travel books and really the cable just. don't apply to Ruthie at all she had but. who had the motive means an opportunity. she had the motive justify more clicks. she had the means because she uh uh. keeps her camera in the audio cabinet. with the you know the things and she has. the opportunity which you never asked. her about she parks in the street a lot. so she has to go move her car all the.

time well I got to say this my favorite. part of every Agatha Christie novel is. where Agatha Christie would afterwards. yell yell at all the. readers hey wait a minute no it makes. perfect sense they're all on the island. no shut up shut up it makes perfect. sense cuz the scientist no shut up yeah. shut up. up uh well that was fun I have to say. that was fun is David okay uh blah.

blah these videos are going to do great. on. social guilty guilty man I did so fun I. really wanted it to be Maddie yeah I you. really did you have it out for I'm sorry. I I when I see talent I have to squelch. it well let's give a big round of. applause to bla good job BL this all his. idea and his execution great job. everyone sorry about the red herrings. nice job every no no no you did what you. had to do you clearly put some thought.

into this next time we'll know better no. good job bla and uh that was fun I I you. know what I enjoyed the happening yeah. me too it's all about that title. baby.