Paul W. Downs (FULL EPISODE) | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

[Music]. Hi, my name is Paul W. DS and I feel. thrilled about being Conan O'Brien's. friend. That's very nice. It's true. It's thrilling. Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien. Needs a Friend. I'm Conan O'Brien, joined here by the chuckling Matt. Gorley, Sona Obsessian. How are you, Sona? I'm not right. You what? I'm I'm all right. Oh, I'm sorry I said that. I'm all right. I think you said. am I right? Yeah. Am I right?

And then I did a weak ass thumbs up. It's It's also weird how you kind of. like turned it towards yourself. I don't like it. Everything you did just now was just. wrong. Are you into AI? Yeah, I think. you are AI. Every time you're like, "Welcome." Hey, Sona. I It It makes me so uncomfortable. We've talked about it before. I hate. people get people get very uh scared. about AI. I have been working very hard. to have AI replace you, Sona. Oh. And and I have thousands of servers. trying to learn Sona's rhythms. They've.

all exploded. They've exploded. And they're in these. salt mines. I keep them in salt mines. deep under the ground in Utah. And I've. spent most of the money I've made in. show business on all these servers. Oh, thank you. They overheat and explode cuz they. cannot match. the Moessian rhythms. They don't make. sense. AI can't figure out. She just moves at a different speed. Who's she? She's so I me. Oh, you're talking about yourself. What are you talking about? The creator. Oh god. Oh, can I just say if if an AI. came in and just said nothing that made. sense, I'd be like, "That's a great AI.

of Conan.". I know. Yeah. There's plenty of those. Yeah. What do you mean plenty of those? What. do you mean? AIS that don't make any sense. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying. it's getting so good, though. I have. Not the guys I'm talking to. What? These AIs. are you like Do you have a relationship. with an AI? I do. My wife is an AI. Do you? She's a beautiful AI. Well, I had to. splurge in one area and then scrimp in. another. Um, I don't know. I You know, look, I did have a conversation with a.

Shakespeare AI once. Like, you could go. to this website. Okay, hold on. Don't. make fun of me. No, no. Let's hear him out. We need some. content for the top. Okay. So far, we haven't really hit a gusher, so let's hope this is it. Unless you think I'm some kind of nerd. I only asked him about James Sp. So you talk to an AI Shakespeare. So you have a lot of free time. That's. what I'm getting. Not no talking to Shakespeare on AI. How did you How did you find Did someone.

send it to you and was like, "Oh, you'd. love this.". I don't know. So like some thing someone. maybe someone sent or I heard about it. like on a show or something. I don't. remember. AI early AI days though. Oh, okay. Cuz you wouldn't do that now. No, I'm too I I was AI before it was. cool. You were doing AI back in the 80s. Yeah, I was. Yeah. When it was basically Pong. Yeah. War games. Um, did you guys hear that? Sorry to. bust. No. Anything. Anything. Yeah. Because there's an old saying here. Oh,

it doesn't matter what you three talk. about, it'll be good. This is proof that. it's not anyway. I'm going to have out. So, you go. Let's start again. I was just going to say, oh. Oh, hold on. a sec. Hey there. Welcome to Conan. O'Brien Needs a Friend. We're doing We're doing a do. Yeah, we're going to do it over again. cuz you know what? Yeah. I don't want to. do that. Guess what? That was a terrible top. And no way I've. seen it. Do it again. Do it again. Guess. what? No one's limbo bar is lower than. yours. You're like, "Hey, man. It was. great. You guys were talking and there.

was talking. People love this shit." No, man. Go again. Go again. Hey there and welcome to Thorn. O'Brien Needs a Friend. And we're going. to get a good top out of this show if. it's the last thing I do. I'm. What do you mean get a good top out of. this show? It's the beginning of the. show. Is that a phrase? That's jargon. Top top. of the top of the show, baby. Okay, I'm starting again because that. was Your instincts today are awful. and yours are too. You both suck. You You suck. The fish rots from the. head, sir. You suck. That's right. Thank you. Your your suckiness is trickling down.

Rot from the top. Hey, Conan O'Brien here. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. We've tried seven times to start this. podcast and um the assists I'm getting. from my fellow players are just. terrible. Instead of passing me the. basketball, you guys are tossing it into. the stands and then shooting yourselves. with a German Luger. Uh, Matt, how are. you? I talked to Shakespeare AI the other. day. Okay, you got to hear me out on this. I'm telling you, why are you so determined to ruin the. top of the show? This is important to me. I've always.

wanted a good top of the show. I'm sorry. That's ridiculous. It's been my dream since I was a kid. Hey, I saw two coyotes this morning. Hey, now we're on to something. What. were they doing? They were crossing the. street and I was terrified seeing them. do it. It was very frogger. That happens every day. No, but they it was like really heavy. traffic and I was like, they're going to. die. And then I was like, do I want No, I I wasn't I was rooting for the. coyotes. I don't want them to die. But I. know they'll be worried for them, but they'll tear up.

Can I just be saying, Matt, everything. you've contributed today sucks. You're you're throwing in You're not. helping. I'm understanding her and you. keep throwing these giant steel anvils. into the conversation and clanging away. and now you're giving me a rap. We got. it. We're out of time. No, we're out of time. No, we're not out of time. We're going. to get something good. So, you saw two. coyotes. Did you? I did. Tell me about it. Now, I'm taking away your speaking. privileges for the next year. So, Sona.

Yeah. Curious about these coyotes. A lot of. people in this uh world haven't seen a. coyote. It's like a dog only skinnier. Hey, you know what it is? It's like a. dog only skinnier. And every time I see. him, I'm like, you're trading my content for this? You shut Shut up. I'm on fire right now. She's on fire. She's. She's got a hot hand and you keep. knocking her royal flush out of her. hand. And you're playing hungry hungry. hippos in the corner like a drunk idiot. Go ahead, son. Yeah, you're off. I'm on today. So, the. coyote. So, I'm watching them and I'm. like, these animals will kill Okie.

Yeah. Do I cheer do I cheer for their. demise or do I want them to live? And. you know what? I want them to live. Yes. I I root for animals to live in the. wild. I do. Even if they're coyotes, I. root for all animals everywhere. Man, Sona, preach, you were great today, Sona. That was. terrific. We learned about wildlife and. about your neighborhood. And then you. I'm so glad I seated the floor for that. That was really topnotch. Also, I spoke. to a Shakespeare AI and. I hate I hate the opening and I.

apologize to everyone. I'm listening. Hey man, let's just start talking and. whatever we say will be great and play. will be like, "Yeah, man. It was really. great. Look at all the laughs we're having. I. rest my case. We're having a good time. Do you want to. rap?". Yeah. Hey, and welcome to Conan O'Brien. He's. a friend. I'm Conan. You don't need to. know the rest. You're going to love. today's show. My guest today is. co-creator, showrunner, and writer of an. actually good show the Emmy. award-winning series that's thought. about beforehand. They don't just throw.

it out there like a bucket of diarrhea. Hacks. I'm thrilled he's here today because he. actually makes something people enjoy. that has thought, structure, content. Paul W. Downs, welcome. You didn't pause. Oh. Oh my god. I'm thrilled he's here today. Paul W. DS. Welcome.

I am an admirer of your work. Thank you. And uh likewise. and of course I uh want to shout out. your cohorts on hacks at the very top. Your lovely wife. Yes. Uh. Luchia. Luchia. I want to make sure you said it. first cuz I was afraid that I would I. was looking at like Lucia, but I've also. heard it pronounced Luchia. Yep. Lucia. There there's a lot. It's. it's it is a it is it is a tricky one. Jenstatsky. Yes. Uh.

I thought you waiting for me to say. which of the two I was married to cuz. sometimes that is a question. I thought it might be a throppple. Hey, you're not alone if you if you read. the the tweets, you know. I don't I. don't but I've heard. I write the tweets. I'm putting it out there that it's a. throppple. Hey, from your. You know what? that gets a lot of heat. out there in the you know, you just want. the clicks. That's all I want. It's about clicks. Hacks is a wonderful show. Thank you. And uh I'm always suspicious when a show. is going to and I've I've run into you a. bunch of times and uh and I remembered.

saying this to Jean Smart and Hannah. Uh. I remember telling them when I've bumped. into them that I'm I'm suspicious when a. show is going to portray people that are. trying to create comedy. Think of. comedy. I think usually it goes wrong. because and it's it's difficult, but if. if you're trying if there's a movie. that's portraying someone sculpting, uh, a sculptor is going to watch it and go, "That's not how you do it.". That's how well that's how sculptures. talk.

What happened? This sculptor, by the way, was injured. I got that far. A chisel fell on him. A chisel fell from a high height. and did hurt his brain. What happened? Um, it's not I think he's. attempting an accident, but it's more of. a like actual. This is an injury injury. Yeah. Guy and he's, you know, this is not a. foreign man. This is a man, it's not a foreign man. No, no, he was just injured by He's from. New Jersey. Springsteen, but a very terrible.

terrible injury. Um, so stupid. I apologize. And the point. that I'm going to get back to which. began as a compliment and then turned. into probably a just a horrible sketch, it's almost impossible to do it. And. then you guys come up with hacks and I. see people struggling to create comedy. and then perform comedy and I think, oh, I think that's the closest I've seen to. how it really is. And of course that. comes from you guys being very talented.

but also. being still quite young and coming from. this world. Yeah. Yeah. You started out I mean as a kid you were. making content all the time even if it. was just for yourself, right? It was it was just for myself. Yeah. There was there was no social media. There was no YouTube. Thank goodness. I. think. you're 77 years old. That's right. That's right. That's what. it says here. There there wasn't even uh there wasn't. even cellular actually. Wow. Um yeah. I had the stick and hoop and I. was making myself I was entertaining. myself with a stick and hoop.

Sometimes you play with the butter. churn. Yeah. Oh my gosh. But you were making content and this I. can relate to because I don't think I. needed an audience if I was in my room. I was doing this and I'm you seem. like a similar fellow to me. 100% 100%. And what what an honor for. you to say that. But yeah, I um I would. entertain myself in the mirror. I wish. my son did that cuz now I have a toddler. who needs a lot of attention and I was. like I I entertained myself for hours, you know, doing voices, doing.

is a mirror and delusion. Exactly. I still have both. in equal measure. Yeah. Yeah. Which is good. So let's let's let's talk about your uh. your creation story. um you're coming along and you it was. interesting to me because the minute I. saw you and your work I thought well. they're all improvisers and then I find. out that you started doing standup. initially or dabbled in standup a little.

bit. and it's interesting because I always. knew I mean I I did early early on I did. some MCing. but I knew I needed a gang I needed. either my gang of writers. or I needed my improv gang. I needed. some kind of a squad and that I. understood early on. When did you figure. out that that was kind of what you were. looking for? You know, I I did I always I did sketch.

in high school. I did sketch and improv. in college. And then when I moved to New. York, I I was like, you know, I want to. be a I want to be an actor. I'm going to. just audition for things and. and I'll do standup. I'll try my hand at. that because I I idolized standups and. always loved watching standup. I watched. like, you know, Premium Blend on Comedy. Central growing up where there was a lot. of female stand-ups who I admire a lot. And um. so I tried it and I found it really. lonely. I found it really hard. Yes. I was also doing a lot of characters and. at the time, you know, I think there are. like phases that standup goes through.

and at the time I would say, "Hey, I. have a couple sound cues. Do you guys. have tech?" And they were like, "What?". They were like, "Tech?" I was like, "Yeah, do you mind if I bring out a wig. and a rattle?" And they were like, "All. right, I don't think you belong here.". and it didn't really work. Um, Seinfeld requested none of this. No. Um, and now it's so funny cuz now I. see standup and a lot of people have. powerpoints and they have tons of tech. and a lot of sound, you know. So, it's. different now. But when I was doing it, I I for a minute and I and I mean a. minute, I was probably. four or five months after graduating.

that I didn't do improv and I did. standup. Found it very hard. And then I went to. the Upright Citizens Brigade and did. improv and sketch because I missed it. You get to UCB and there you meet you. start to meet your people. Yeah. And not just Lucia, Jen, Luchia. Luchia. I'm changing. like Cappuccino. You know that's how you. Luchia. Luchia. Okay. I'm Konando. This interview. Did you just get hit with a chisel? Kono. Konando. Yes. Kono from New Jersey. Luchia are a.

problem. Excuse me. I don't think they are. I. think they show a great caring. Um. it's empathy. Exactly. Thank you so much. And that's now. recorded. Um I can use that at the. trial. Abby Jacobson. Yes. Glazer. You. start working with uh these hilarious uh. people and this is where you start to. find. Oh, we're all like-minded. We're in a. groove here. Yes. That's such a magical moment, isn't it? It is. It was It was It saved me, I.

think. You know, especially moving to. New York and I don't know. You move to. New York, you have survival jobs. It's. really hard. Living there is hard. And. um finding people that were like-minded, had a similar sense of humor um was huge. for all of us, I feel like, you know, and it really we found our people and. started to make things and. the rest of history. It is the same. thing not just in comedy but I think for. musicians AC sculptors. it's across the across the board.

because I so remember kind of finding. some of my group in college and then. getting out to LA and doing improv at. the groundings and starting to find my. people and. you start to think hey I'm not crazy. Yeah, that was the first feeling I had is. there were all those years where I just. thought, well, something's wrong with. me. And yes, there probably is, but then. you find other people with the same, whatever it is, issues, malady, and.

you're all having fun and you're meeting. at a diner afterwards to talk down the. show, and it's. few things will replace that joy. Yes. I mean, I I I think about that a. lot that I mean, I we still do it. I'm. so lucky to still do it with my best. friend and my wife, but us doing shows. and going exactly to a diner and talking. about the show or talking about. something we'd watched or talking about. a sketch we'd seen, you know, and it's. weird. It is like a It is like a special. language that people share, I think,

when they have a similar sense of humor. And that's not just comedians. Of. course, it's a deeper level in a way for. people that try and do it. professionally, but you know, I feel. like anybody that you have a have a. similar sense of humor with and who can. make you laugh, it's just such a such a. unique and special thing. Now, here's the interesting thing to me. or an area that's interesting is that. um you have this uh world of making. comedy jokes, bits, sketches, inside. references with your friends. and you're.

making content at UCB, you're putting. stuff up, you're having fun, and then. at some point, if you're very fortunate. and also good at what you do, uh it turns into a business. and pressure is applied and expectations. are applied and there are budgets and. there's a lot of people around looking. at you and saying, um, hey, what's going.

on today. And I've always found it. interesting that it that one of the. challenges is to make sure you still. keep the joy in it. Yeah. When that is applied and when I think. about hacks, this is a big show. Yeah. I drive around LA and there are giant. buildings uh that are just dedicated. They've been painted over the windows. People can't see out the windows anymore. cuz Jean Smart's face has been painted. over them. Yeah. And it's a children's hospital.

These poor sick kids and they I know. they're operating in the dark. There's no vitamin. because a giant binder and a and I mean. it's terrible that what's happening to. children. Um sorry again. Uh it's a big show. It's a big deal. Uh and it's a smash hit. and so you've got to be adults. Yeah. And you've got to meet. expectations. and you got a big fan base,

but you also have to keep that silly joy. going. Do you talk about that for a little bit? Well, that is so funny. It's it's it's. true. I mean, our first our first job. job was um. was on Broad City and at Comedy Central, it was a lowbudget show. You know, we didn't know if it would. break through. We didn't know if people. would watch and we kind of it was like. it was almost kids in a candy store, you. know, there it was just us figuring out. how to make TV because we had never done. it. And you're doing it my favorite kind of. comedy is when I can tell people were. doing this for themselves.

Oh yeah. And I think uh one of the. things I loved about Broad City, and. it's the same thing I would have said. about classic SCTV or so many shows that. I loved. is that I had the impression that they. were doing this for themselves to make. themselves laugh and then I just. happened to be stumbling upon it. Yes. And that's was some of the beauty of it. Yeah. Totally. And you know that we kind. of showcase that in a way in episode 4. of this season when Deborah just looks. at one person and looks at Ava because I.

remember doing solo shows at UCB. Several which is embarrassing to say. I. did several solo shows and sometimes no. one would be laughing except Luchia. Yeah. And I was like okay it's. I must marry this. and then I will call her Lucia, her true name. Chia, you're not fooling. anyone. I've been to the DMV. I know how. you spell your name. But yeah, we we we try I mean and that's. I think the secret of of this show's. success is also that we continue to try.

and make each other laugh. I mean that's. what we do. We. when the three of us are writing. together, often times we all write the. same scene. Yeah. Separately. And then switch and just. highlight things we like and then we. combine them. So it's almost like a. third draft. Yeah. And all I'm trying to do is make these. two women laugh. So it it is for each. other as much as it is for everybody. And that was very true on Broad City and. and it's still true on Hacks and Luchia, you know, always always talks about. following the fun. You have to follow. the fun and we try and do that on set. and it's so hard when there's time and.

budgets and actors and crew and and 300. people making something. to balance all of that and still have. the freedom to figure something out or. to follow the fun of something Yeah. is a real challenge. We we are there for. each other to remind each other to do. it. Yeah. Which is not easy, but. No, I wouldn't think it would be easy, but I think you're also you have such a. funny cast of which you are a part, which is interesting. You wear so many. hats on this show, but Megan Stalter is.

so funny and. so funny. You get me started on Jean. Smart who's um just uh I don't know kind. of a. she is t she is funny in so many. different ways. Yes. And when I watch her perform I think. she's she's not hitting one note, she's. not hitting five notes, she can hit. every note in the register. And uh I'm so in awe of her and happy. for her that you guys created this. because. she needed a role. She's always been.

funny. Yeah. But she This role shows you that she's. funny and she can break your heart. Yeah, I know. She is so good. I think. you're right. Like we often talk about. the the music of jokes and the sound and. the rhythm. And. you know, sometimes you have to you you. have to adjust an actor and help them. make the sound you want. She always. knocks it out of the park and then gives. us more and we're like, "Oh my god, she. hit a note we didn't even know." And. it's so true that she also is so gifted.

as an actress that she plays as. emotional beats in a way that I it's we. we cry at monitor a lot which is crazy. you know still. um because she can break your heart and. she. yeah she has been the funniest thing in. so many things I remember her on Frasier. being so funny or in the Brady Bunch. movie I was you know I was like the. horny neighbor is the funniest part. I love the horny neighbor and it's so. cool to have her show her range in the. show. [Music].

Women have been. just such a big part of your comedy. experience. I mean, you you look at not. just uh Lucian, not just Jen, I'm going. to say. Luchia. Oh my god. I actually think you're. might be talking about a different. person at this point. Who's who's I'm sure wonderful as well. Sure. I'm talking about Lucia Alente.

Terrific comedy writer. who lives on the island of Sardinia. Um. Oh my god. I'm never going to say her name again. It's funny because you ask for clarity. The first thing you. I know, but I'm Can I say something? Maybe there is something wrong with me. Or maybe she and I have beef and this is. my way of getting at her. It's so passive aggressive. She cut me off on the 405 eight years. ago.

And her license plate is Luchia. So he. knew. she's she and I rolled on my window. I. went Luchia Lucia from now on. She said what? You'll see. I said you'll see. Give this. riff time to grow. Um, okay. Jen, Gia, you've got Megan, you've got uh um first of all, uh two. powerhouse female leads, and it feels to.

me like you've this has always been your. comfort zone is being around all these. funny women, Broad City. Yeah. Um, and I was reading some article about. you. It said that you had a revelation. when you saw Young Frankenstein. Yeah. Tell me what that was. Well, so my dad is a comedy fan and I. remember watching Young Frankenstein as. a kid and loving it. And of course, I. loved Gene Wilder in it and wanted to be.

Gene Wilder, but I was really that the. that my first like my foray into doing. comedy was to do Chloris Leechman's. lines. Yeah. um or Valdine, you know, and just like. stay close to the candles. The st can be. treacherous. Like she was so funny in. that movie. And Terry Gar is so funny in. the movie and Melan Khan is so funny in. that movie. And so I always was like, well, I think I think the girls are. funnier than the guys. And I'll say this, who in the world is. funnier than Gene Wilder? Gene Wilder.

That is maybe. that is my favorite performance of his. and it's so. y. beautifully honed. and we're talking about the women in the. movie. I know. Uh and I mean he's he's one of the. greats of all time and he's giving the. performance of a lifetime and not to. take anything away from him but um. I can understand that. That's a that's a. that's a great movie for anyone to see. Yeah. and and and learn very quickly.

that women are the funniest people in. the room. Yeah, 100%. And and it's true. I mean, Gene Wilder in that movie is so good. because it's so grounded and yet so. screwball and so crazy. He's just. incredible in it. But I felt that way. also. I was a Nick at Night kid, so I. watched a lot of Nick at Night and. watching I Love Lucy or Mary Tyler. Moore, it was always it was always it. was oftenimes a female story that I. liked. I also, you know, I was never a. jock. I was never, you know what I mean? I never. Yeah, I know. Can you believe. it? Um, I was a jock and then about a.

year ago. What? We'll talk about that. You stopped. You hung you hung up the. bat. You were tired of that. Yeah, most people assume I'm a real jock. Um, uh, so, um, you were saying, I'm sorry I. interrupted you with my stupid, but you. were saying that you were noticing early. on in Nick at Night, you're watching all. these women and and a name you didn't. mention. I was, it was a thrilling. moment for me. There's a moment where. this season where um Jean SM goes to uh.

cardiologist just to get a checkup and. in the waiting room she sees Carol. Bernett. and we had Carol Bernett on the podcast. about a year ago. and I've met Carol a bunch of times and. I will never be jaded. I'm always. walking on air afterwards. Yeah. And. she is still so sharp and so funny and. she is great in that scene playing. herself. Unbelievable. Unbelievably funny. Unbelievably sharp. Wanted to had things.

to add. Was like, you know, I can do a. Carol Channing impression. There was so. much that she did. I can juggle. Yeah. I mean, honestly, it was really. amazing. And we shot that at television. city steps away from her stage where she. shot the Carol Bernette show which we. had you know asked permission to feature. last season when we shot there just just. to show it because she's such a. inspiration for us and. we needed somebody in this season that. Deborah Vance could get sage wisdom from. and look up to and like who better than. Carol Bernett and the fact that she. responded to the show and wanted to do. it. I mean it was a goosebump moment for.

all of us. It was it was really crazy. The show delves into late night this. year, which uh was fascinating for me because. there are things that you cite in the. show that I've lived through. and so I'll get a little bit of PTSD. from watching it, but it's also really. funny and and apt, you know, like. getting notes or this is what we heard. about, you know, in the early days of my. late night show. um research and what.

are people saying and what do we need to. try and adjust and it was all stuff that. just felt impossible. Yeah. And um. so to I'm kind of reliving it a little. bit through your show, but you guys are. doing a very good job of hitting a bunch. of the nerves, which means you're. getting it right. That's good. That's good. I mean, you. know, obviously like we we talk about. you and your shows a lot and we did a. lot this season making it and um.

we tried to get it right, you know, and. I and just writing the show about making. the show. Yeah. was so stressful and so hard. I'm like I. didn't do five shows a week. and have to do monologue jokes and yet I. I I viscerally I felt the pressure of. that. It's crazy. There's a great moment. where um Deborah Vance is trying out. she's meeting the new writers for the. first time and they're going around the. room and there's one people are throwing. out funny ideas and then there's one. writer who's new who just like Yeah. And.

then he says something that's not that. funny and. and then she farts. Yeah. And then she farts she cuz she. farts. which by the way which is funny. It's very funny. That would I would say headwriter. right away. He's promoted. Yeah. Um. the fart guy's promoted. Yeah. Good fart guy back. But anyway, he. does it twice and you see Gene Smart. notice it. And then Gene Smart writes on. a piece of paper and slides it over to. to Hannah and it says riff killer, which is such a great because.

it's a little inside baseball, but we. call it riffing, which is people are in. a room, they're coming up with good. ideas, riffing, and then she just sides. across riff killer because we've all. been in a room where things are cooking. and then one person in the room is like, "Yeah, and then maybe it's George W. bush. And everyone has to reset. No one wants. to be a dick. Yeah, exactly. And we all go to pointing to Blake. Oh, Bl. You know it's me.

Okay. But I don't you don't need to. pretend. I'm right here. You don't need. to just talk about like some people some. people are rift killers. He thought it was a compliment, so he. got it tattooed. He got riff He got riff killer tattooed. on his low back. That's nice. Riff. killer. Um, but anyway, I love that moment. And. then I have to bring this up, which is cuz I just watched it last. night. There's a scene where. killed me. It's It's a very funny joke. Um, and nonsensical, but uh, Jean Smart.

Deborah has stolen uh, a G is trying to. steal a guest away who would have been. on Kimmel and Kimmel's confronting her. and saying, "Look, you know, I get this. guest. You don't get this guest." She's. trying to get Kristen Bell on her show. and Jimmy Kimmel confronts her and says, "You don't get Kristen Bell because she. always does my show. She's been doing uh. I got sort of possession of having her. as a guest after Conan died.".

And you know what I loved about it is. that it said with no one questions it. It's just like after since Conan, you. know, I get her after Conan died. And. it's just like that's understood and I'm. laughing because no one questions it. But in that universe, you're dead and. you can never be on that show except. flashbacks. Oh, no. Don't say that. We. definitely want you on the show. I think. we've settled that score. No, no, no. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But it was so funny to me. It's such a. funny I always like jokes that upon. examination, they make me laugh on a.

guttural level, but they also don't make. sense. And he says it the way we all. know that Charles Lindberg is dead. You. know, he it just it was so funny. It was. such a great moment. credit cuz you know. that was a Jimmy Kimmel imprompt line. Listen, so I did not write that line. That's great. Let me write that down. Okay. He will be repaid. in kind. I can't wait to mispronounce. his name. Jame Camal. Jame.

Luchia. Lucia. Have you met Jame? Um I uh. Well, you're very much alive in our. universe. Oh, and I and I do mean it. I I want to. I want to say it here. We would love to. have you on the show. Oh, I would absolutely love it. Okay. Then we can come up with a way that I. was resuscitated. Um. I um No, it's it's a it's a joy to. watch. And I think one of the things. that's interesting to me is it's all.

about like a magician makes you believe. in the illusion. And so I know it's a TV. show, but you guys have me emotionally. invested in what happens to Deborah. Vance and does this late night show work. and I hope this late night show works. out and currently things seem a little. wobbly, but I'm emotionally invested in. it, which means you've you're very good. illusionists. You know, you've you've. created this world that I'm completely. invested in.

Thank you. I mean, a lot of that credit. goes to Gene and Hannah as well for. making these characters so real. I feel. that way, too. I mean, I know I know we. write the show, but we they feel so real. to all of us. And I think they do now to. them as well. There are some there's. some scenes this season when I think. both Gene and Hannah do some of their. best work in the show and we're like, "God, that was good after." And they're. like, I just said it because I feel, you know, I mean, now it's like so in their bones. they feel these characters are are so. real.

I think something Hannah does really. well just as an observer is that um she. clearly. wants a maternal figure. She wants a. connection with this incredibly tough. uh you know Jean Smart character. She. and she wants this so badly, but she. also knows she has to be tough. And. there's this great moment where. um without giving anything away, but she. she gets a hug.

from Jean and you see Hannah kind of. melt a little bit because she's getting. that connection that she really wants. from not just her comedy hero, but also. someone who she has a real connection. with and and cares about. And you see. her soften a little bit. And then Jean. SM SMS re reveals that she's doing it. just because there's a camera on them. and that's why she's doing it. And she. needs to make it look good for the. camera and you see the heartbreak. I. mean Hannah uh is killing it.

She is incredible. She is incredible and. she does like you're saying so much. sometimes with no dialogue. You know, she's so funny and she's such a good. standup herself. But. yeah, she's so incredibly good and it's. hard I think to be that good. I mean, obviously your scene partner does a lot. of the lifting and helps you out, but to do what she does with Jean is. really incredible. I don't know. I I don't work with people. that lift me up. Um, well, it's hard when you have to lift.

everyone up. I know it's hard. Can I just say for a second, I feel like. I'm an Olympic swimmer and I have two. cinder blocks around my neck. Okay. You are a jock. Yeah. Yes. If you can do that, we make you stronger. You do. Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We test you and make. you stronger. You're welcome. That's. what you want. We want that. And we're actively trying to drown it. It's called drag. It's called drag when. you have cinder blocks as a swimmer. I. was a swimmer even though I wasn't a. jog. You need the drag every now and. you need a drag. I do. I do it. I do need it. Um, your.

character Jimmy, your relationship with. Kayla Megan Stalter is uh I will say. this, I haven't seen I don't think I've. seen that relationship on TV before. Do. you know what I'm talking about? Love, love, love that relationship. It's a relationship. It's a dynamic that. I've and I'm I'm I'm flipping through my. comedy nerd mind trying to find the same. thing. And I'm like, nope. I don't think. it's there. I think that's a new thing. you've cracked. Thank you. I mean, you know, we. She's over the top insane. So insane. So insane. And you are trying much more.

I love that you are. You And I have some. experience with an insane assistant. Oh my god. But you know what I'm saying? No, I don't know what you're saying. I'm. nothing like her. I I do, but I love how. different What the are you looking. at me like that? I'm just looking I'm just looking. I'm. just laughing. I'm just. We have hours of footage of you acting. insane. Oh, there's not enough footage of you. being insane. I'm the star. I'm expected to be insane. At least his at least Paul's character. is like a normal person.

He's a normal boss. I love how patient. you are. I love how patient you are. Your character is Jimmy is with with. with Kayla. It's to an and that some of. the comedy is to an absurd degree and it. reminds me a little bit of one of the. things that makes Groucho so funny is. Margaret Dumont. because Margaret Dumont he's acting. insane and she's next to him going like. Groucho and then well anyway let's move. forward when anyone else would say I'm. getting the away from this person.

But what makes it work is you. you can't the whole dynamic of yes and. is you are sticking with with Kayla with. Megan Stalter. You're going to stick. with her and she's going to have awful. awful ideas with great confidence. Yes. Yeah. She's somebody who Well, Megan is so funny and so so good. in everything she does, but when we we. this is one character we kind of ripped. from real life. This is based on a. couple of assistants that um people that. we've worked with have had and that. we've experienced sometimes who are nepo.

and have entitlement but also a little. bit of insecurity like having this. extreme confidence and yet. nerves is a really funny dynamic and. that is a a duality that me plays in. some of her original characters. So we. were like, she would be great for this. And yeah, we thought it was really funny. to have somebody who is in the beginning. at least both his assistant and his boss. kind of because her dad owns the. management firm that they work for. And now your your initial problem is how. do I get rid of this assistant and now. you're partners in this season and I.

love that you just keep turning up the. dial on. and what's also great is occasionally. she has a good idea. Yeah, that's the thing. She and I do. think that's true in the entertainment. business and in management. You have to. sometimes think outside the box and be. insane. And Jimmy is not insane. He's. very by the book. He's very earnest. And. sometimes those crazy ideas actually. work. So, weirdly, she is a better. manager than she is assistant. She's. terrible at being an assistant. But she. has some out of the box ideas that. especially this season that really do. work. I want to ask you a little bit. about the dynamic of.

your comedy partner is also your. romantic partner. And that's something. that I've I'm fascinates me. My wife is. super smart, really funny. We've never. collaborated on anything. Um, and I've. always thought, huh, that's a whole. that's like a Bermuda triangle that I. have not gone into. Um, and maybe we will someday, but. how does that dynamic work or it just.

you always knew it was going to work? Well, we started we we were on an improv. team together and we started doing. sketch videos before we were ever. dating. And it was in making those. things because she's so smart and funny. that attracted us to each other. And so. we started dating kind of after we were. already working together a bit. And but she's my she's the best. audience, you know, she's the person. that I want to make that it feels the. best to make her laugh. She has such a. good laugh and I love making her laugh. So and it's been a real um cheat for us. to work together, not just because we.

have each other as an audience and as. cheerleaders, but also, you know, in. this business you don't see your spouse. if you're working as hard as we're. working. So, thank God we're on set. together because you know we get to be. together. I think it's different for. different people, but I mean, you know, your wife being smart and funny, you. know what it's like to make that person. laugh. And you know what I mean? Like. it's. if I can make my wife really and and. also if she can really laugh and she. makes me really laugh, that's the glue. That's the longterm. glue. That's right. Have you ever wondered if uh Luchia said.

yes just because accepted your proposal. just cuz she was yes anding you? Oh my god. because of improv training. Honestly, I had. That's a fair question. I hadn't until now. But you know what? She is a very good improviser. You know what I mean? What was she going to do? You put out a. scene. You laid it out there. Will you? And she has to say yes and. we'll have a child. Not say no. You're. Well, I'm saying that's the best. That's. what I I married an improviser, too. And. this is making me really look back.

Usual suspect. And it was And guess what? It was during. a sketch, wasn't it? It was. Yeah. And then you afterwards. were crying. You said you said yes. You. have to. Oh no. Oh god. Well, didn't you you guys uh had your first. your your only child? His only child. Yeah. Only. your only child. during the making of Hacks. Yeah. Well, you know, funny funnily. enough, we weren't we were not planning. to get married. We were like, "Oh, well, we just won't get married and, you know,

we don't need to do that." And then. there was a point in time when I was. like, "Well, I want to I want to get her. a ring. and I and I and I'll I'll float it. I'll. float it.". Thinking that she'd be like, "We've. talked about this. We've talked about. this. We're not going to get married.". Um, and she said yes. And cuz we had. been together at that point for 15. years. So, we had been together for a really. long time. And but we weren't going to have. children. And so, we did end up getting married. We thought it'd be a nice way to. celebrate our time together. It's all improv. Yes. And. yes, no kidding. Well, the sperm in the egg. were like,

"Yeah, that's right. They were on scene, an improv class with sperm and egg. They were they were Yeah, it was their own scene and they. Yeah, they worked. They crushed it. I love that idea. And scene sperm. You. work at a gym. Egg. This is your first. time at the gym. And go. You're. pregnant. Actually, you know what's crazy? We. didn't find out. We she she we had been. traveling and she had missed one of her.

periods and basically we found out when. she was two and a half months pregnant. So the next day. we saw a heartbeat and that was 2 weeks. before our wedding. Oh my god. So we got married, came home, started season. that was season two. We were we were. shooting season two. and then he came he came early. Again, this is like. again sperm and egg doing their own. thing. Yeah. He came early on his own time and. it was while we were shooting and so she. did direct between contractions because.

she was directing that day. I know. I know. Which is mentally. unwell. I It's really It's badass and so. badass. Yeah. But it's also she's earned the right to. be called Luchia. Yeah. Oh, good. That's what it takes. You know, now I've. I'm sorry, Lucia, you're gone now. It's Luchia now. Rest in peace. Um, that's unbelievable. Yeah, that's unbelievable. So, it was a crazy. year. It was a really, really crazy. year. What's cool, too, is that as you go on. through your career, you have this. document, the actual show.

where I mean, in a weird way, I don't. think about this much, but I have it too. because I met my wife on a remote shoot. We went to an advertising agency and. people look it up online all the time. Oh, wow. And I'm there just doing the. Conan thing where I'm on a remote being. an ass and then I just start talking to. this one woman in the room and just. within seconds I'm not even trying to be. funny. We're just talking about Yeah. No, my dad, right? And so Okay. And you.

and you like cats. That's funny. No, I. Well, I've adopted I had a cat when I. was a kid and and and and my producer. was listening on heads headphones. outside the office where we were doing. all this this remote. He's like, "What. the is he doing?". So, we have us meeting. That's really cool. Then we have the episode where I'm just. back from the hospital because my. daughter was born. That's really cool. And I'm talking about it on the air. Then we have the episode where I'm just. back from the hospital because my son. was born. And um I think, oh, that's I.

mean, I haven't really thought about it. that much till this moment now, but. those are weird. documents. I remember bringing my son. when he was little and no I brought my. daughter to work right after she was. born. Um not right after but. the doctor said yeah she was still. umbilical cord was stretched over 9th. Avenue. Calves were hitting it. It plays a low enode. [Music].

But anyway, she's uh I I brought my. daughter in when she was old enough to. come into and and was sitting at the I. and I I saw Tina Fay recently and we. reminised about this cuz I said, "Tina, I will never forget Tina was up in 8H. rehearsing um Saturday Night Live and. I'm down on 6 on the late night set and. I'm sitting and I'm holding my daughter. and one of the cameramen zoomed in on my. daughter. Suddenly, double doors fly. open and Tina comes running in and she. was like, "Give me that baby." This is.

before she had her own daughter, but she. was like, you could see that she had a. baby fever and she was like, "Give me. that." Oh my god. And she and I almost. didn't get Nev back. And then it wasn't. long afterwards that she had her own. daughter. But uh it was. I have all these memories that are my. show work is is intertwined. with. you know my fam meeting my wife falling. in love getting married.

children it's all becomes a piece and. that's going to be part of you know all. the work that you do going forward even. after hex it'll all be entwined. Yeah, I. know. We think about that a lot. We. actually, you know, we talk about the. show like our first child in a way. because it is like it is like raising a. child in a way. Um, and then he came and. now has a sibling, you know, and he. visits set sometimes and it's like. and there's so much now there now we. have a lot of. and they fight. And they do fight. Yeah. Well, he really. wants to he just really wants to go to.

Crafty. That's all he cares about. But. um but now we have a lot of footage of. because Gan is also Gene is similar to. Tina. Jean really wants Luca whenever. he's on set and they have a great. relationship and she threw my wife's. baby shower and so we have all these. photos and videos of him on set with. Jean and you know sitting at Deborra. Vance's desk as like an infant and it is. really cool that we'll have that. That's great. forever. Yeah. You know, I I mean, it's. it's funny because after a while, I.

always think back to the I Love Lucy. show where Lucy goes to the club to tell. Ricky. that she's pregnant and and it's it's. just fascinating to me because. that was a show business relationship. in real life, but also they were doing a. show about that. and then you saw all the ways in which. it was intertwined. Uh, and. and you know, we go by Pauloo. That's. our moniker, which is a nod to Desiloo. Um, we don't have a show about our life,

but we have a show that is our life. So, you play the bongos. That's right. I wish I wish you could pick up the. bongos. That would actually be good. He. He starts smoking a lot of weed and does. the bongos cuz Kayla just drives him off. the deep end. That might be actually a. good We need something new. We need. something new for the new year. I can help you with that and I'll be on. set to pitch. Uh, I also want to give a. personal shout out to an old uh fellow. performer. One of the first things I. ever did on stage was a show called.

Happy Happy Good Show in um I did it. with Robert Smiggle and Bob Odenkirk in. Chicago in 1988 during a writer strike. at it. And so we were at SNL and we went. to Chicago and put up this very weird. sketch show and I there I met Rose Abdu. Oh my gosh. And Rose Abdu was hilarious. and great and I'm just so delighted that. she's on the show. She is so funny. She's always note perfect. She is perfect. And I tell you what, we,

you know, we've now whether it's at. Southby or at screenings at the Palif. Fest, we've we've shown now a bunch of. episodes to a live audience. She kills. She always knocks it out of the park. It's crazy. Yeah. You know, she comes on for one pop and. always knocks it out of the park. She is a trooper. She's like a. vaudevilian trooper. Yeah. And I've looked at ago I found a program. from Happy Good Show. I think I'm 25. I'm 6'4. I think I'm 155 lbs.

Wow. And there's a sketch I'm supposed where. I'm supposed to be. Yeah, exactly. Damn. J or weather vein. You be the you be the. pole vure. Yeah. No, the pole. The actual pole. Um, and I think it's a sketch where I'm. where Yeah, it's a sketch where all of. us are supposed to be naked, but we're. I'm holding a guitar and you can see my. my body and it's a freak show. Um, not. that it isn't now, but oh my god. But.

Rose is in the picture and all of us are. just really hopeful like we'll get there. somehow. It's just it's sweet. It's a. really sweet memory for me. Yeah, she's been doing it for a long. time and she is so good. I'm really glad. that she's a part of the family. And she. named the character. It was it was a. different name. And we said she said, "I'm going to base this on my my aunt. and my mom." And we said, "Okay, do you. want to choose a name?" And she said, "Josphina." It was great. She She was. like, "I have it ready." Yeah. Then she. renamed your wife. Yeah. Exactly. And you are Lucia. No, Luciana.

Lana. Um I uh am I the only one who've. noticed that you have the most amazing. eyes? Oh, come on. I have I I've seen on TV, but in person, uh I think I've fallen in love with Paul. throughout this interview. Very deeply. in love with you because I'm just. Look back at you. Oh, no. No. I have creepy killer eyes. Look, Bey looking around. Oh my gosh. Look at that. Don't do that. If you do that, Yeah. But you.

mansion where the eyes move. But. well, I think one of us has to call your. wife. Um, I am uh very happy for you. Massive. congratulations. Uh, if you ever want me. to pay play a a parking lot attendant on. your show, we need you on the show. I'm not. kidding. We. Well, whatever. Whatever you guys want. me to do. Parking lot. You You exist in that. universe. No, he's I'm dead now. No, you're not. No, you've been devoted to parking lot. attendant. If you don't have a late night show, you're dead. I think that's I think that. was his. Yeah. Yeah. It It's all good. I'll do.

whatever you guys want me to do. It. doesn't matter. And I have no ego about. it. I'll do craft services on this show. Oh my god. But I'm. My son would love you. Yeah, seriously. Just give him some pirates booty. All chocolate pirate booty. Um but uh. anything to help get an aura in the. water. Like this show needs any help. I. think you've won. It's insane. I can't. even get into how many Emmys you've won. Peabody. Uh but all welldeserved and. makes me happy. always does when. these youngsters out there and you are.

youngsters are doing really good uh. fantastic work and killing it. makes me by association proud. Well, I hope you I'm glad you feel that. way because we admire you and your work. so much and you know Jen my co-creator. interned for you and has amazing stories. about that. covered covered your. assistant's desk and was very nervous. and said that you were not only funny. but kind and um. what. yeah. his mic. depends on who I She's a very good.

assistant I think. wow. yeah she knows how to play it and. oh he was very kind suddenly uh Bugatti. shows up outside her door with a bow on. it thanks for playing along Conan um. anyway uh hacks uh it is season four. now. Is it season four? We're in season four. Yeah. Yeah, you're in season four and uh I'm. five shows through and loving it and um. keep doing what you're doing.

Please, please. I know you were thinking. of stopping. Yeah, but my retired last year. I'm encouraging you to continue. I said I'll keep going. No, it was this podcast. You walked in. You're all like I think we're gonna stop. now. Too much success. Well, now I can retire, you know. I. mean, this is I actually, you know, I. always wanted to be on your show. Oh. And um Oh, it was a dream. And so, this. is a dream. But, you know, I saw you. once and I said to my wife, I'm going to. go up and introduce myself and just tell.

them that I'm a fan. Everyone likes to. hear that they have fans. And she was like, "So, you can you can. edit this out if you want if you want to. keep privacy and anonymity." But it was. at. the Hotel Duk. Yeah. Okay. So, I'm at the Hotel Duk and. I was there on a junket. I got sent. there. But they love you there. You're on the. wall. Oh, really? They have a signature of yours on the. wall in the bar. I The hotel duop is not a hotel that I. would book myself. Okay. I was sent there because I'm not the. kind of person. Look, I like a nice. hotel hotel.

Look at this hotel. Where is this hotel? Oh, it's in Eden Rock in uh on the. France. like near. and I got sent there. They said, "Do you. want to go and do this panel there and. we'll fly you and your wife?" And this. is a legendary hotel. It's insane. And I get there and they're throwing. some big shindig and I do my thing. And. I'll never forget seeing um Bon Joy. Oh, Bonjovi. Bon, we'll get to you. Seeing Bon Joy. and and Bonjovi and I like, "Oh, hey.

man. What are you doing here?" And he. went, "They flew me in just to sing, you. know, like a cowboy on a steel horse. ride. Well, and it did. And I said, "You're guys singing one song." He's. like, " like like that's it." And. they're covering everything. And I. thought, "Show business. I haven't experienced this a lot. This. is fantastic." But anyway, so did we. encounter each other? So, no, because I So, we were actually. we weren't even staying in the main. hotel. They have like a little annex. that's less money. And so, and because I. wasn't flown, I I paid for it. And um.

but we were on a budget. So, at dinner, I said to Luchia, "I'm going to take all. of the baguette in the basket." And I. put baguettes in my pocket. I love this. And so, we get back to the hotel. We had. had some French wine. And I said, "Oh my. god, there's Conan. I have to go say. hello." And she said, "Babe, you have baguettes in your. pocket. Your pockets are stuffed with baguettes. You're going to look like you're going. to look like Jean Beljon. You look like. he's stolen food. Just wait till maybe.

you meet him. You meet him properly one. day. No, I know. I should say. No, he's got. baguettes in his pocket still. I know. Well, honestly, I would. I love. bread. First of all, I First of all, she was. wrong. Okay, she's Luca again. Yeah, back to demoted to Lucia. Luca. No. Are you kidding? I would have loved. that. I should have done it. I would have loved that. And um as I. think you will attest, you would have. said, "Oh, I don't want to bother Conan. O'Brien." You would have come up to me. We would have started chatting. I would have asked you some questions. And then within 10 minutes you'd be.

saying, "I think I have to go." That is. the usual experience. You should have done it then. That would. have been. And I would have been like, "Oh, now. I've got bread in my pockets, too. Let's. do a bit. Hey, let's meet tomorrow and. I'll have bread in my pockets." Be like, "Uh, I don't think Conan. This is. getting a neediness here.". Oh, that was good. Needy. Needy. That was very good. That was very. good. Very good. Very good. Uh, Paul, thank. you so much for making the time. Congrats on everything and I'm real. happy for you. Thanks so much.

[Music]. Every now and then we stumble upon a. revelation uh that uh really rocks our. world. And just the other day we found. out that Sona, you were a Girl Scout. Yes, I was. I just don't see it. What do you mean? Do you? It's It's kind of shocking. Yeah, it is a little shocking. You're a rule breaker. You're a rebel. Um, you know, you're the pinky. tusketero. You know, I still remember my pledge. I live by my.

pledge. And I think that I. What's the pledge? On my honor, I will try to serve God. I've already lost it. Oh my god. To help people at all times. and to live by the Girl Scout law. And yeah, I do that. I always do that. So, you're welcome. Do you think that. you upheld the Girl Scout code when you. were my full-time assistant? I helped people at all times.

But what about me? Um, I helped people at all times and I. lived by the Girl Scout law. So, you. know, I did my best with you. You do very well in a Senate contract. I know it does sound like that. It does. You are you the Senate votes unanimously. that you are the new Secretary of the. Interior. I do not recall. So that's reminiscent. Did I always help you? I do that. How did you get into the Girl Scouts? Uh. whose idea was it? Was this something. that your your parents came up with or. was it something you wanted to do?

I think my my my parents I think they. wanted to get us into American stuff and. so they signed me up as a Girl Scout. when I was really young. I was a Daisy. and then I became a Brownie. I think. that No, I was a brownie then I became a. junior. And so. what's I don't know what the what the. ranks are. Um it it starts off at Daisy. I thought. Brownie was the beginning. Daisy was. like. Daisy's the baby. Brownie and then. Junior and then it goes up. But I. stopped after Junior. and then it's Rich Fearer the very top. God. Yeah. That's when you get a long leather.

coat and a riding prop. It was fun though. I have a Mercedes. Um. well, we're joined by someone else on. staff who we also. Can I share a photo and then it. has a. Oh my god. Oh my god, look at that. Sona, are. you so serious? I don't know why I'm holding the flowers. like that. Sona, you look kind of like nonplusted. about it all. It. does look like you're curling the.

flowers. It does. Oh, I just. This is incredible. Look at you. Yeah. And like your flower bearer at a funeral. or something. But also look at What do those markings. indicate? Are those different awards. that you won? Yeah, those are my badges. That's what. you That's what it's all for. Yeah. But what were the badges? Do you. remember what your badges were for? I have no I think it was like I mean it. was the ' 80s and '9s. No, it wasn't for flower. It was like It was like, "Oh, I made. applesauce. Oh, look at me. I made a.

pie. Oh, look. I learned how to sew.". It's like that and camping and stuff. Yeah. I bet Sona was really good at selling. cookies, though. I feel like you learned. Oh my god. You just tapped into a thing. We would go in front of the Albertsons. and it was me and this troop leader's. daughter and we would battle it out to. see who would sell more. And sometimes. we were so aggressive we scared away. customers and you were just And here's. the thing. You were a little girl. who scared away adults and you were. holding cookies.

a brownie. You. look at that monster. Look at that monster. You guys always be closing. It's an assassin. Yes, you were a You. were a David Mamemoth play. Desperate. These are the Glen I want the Glengarry. leads. I can't sell these Milanos. I want the Samoa leads. Yeah, the Samoa leads. These Milanos. ain't selling. Milanos are not Girl Scout cookies. And. you should know that. How dare you?

Oh, by the way, no one's bought more. Girl Scout cookies than I have because. we have some moms here. Yeah. that work here that have daughter. and all I do is buy Girl Scout cookies. by the bucketload. Okay. And I take none of them home. I don't. eat them. So, um. Well, you should know Milanos are not. Girl Scout cookies. Okay. Tell me the what the cookies are. There's Thin Mints, there's Samoas, there's the Oh, that's pretty much Oh, the Tagalongs are really good. Um the. shortbread. Okay.

There's the lemon ones. I mean, it sounds like And what was your. spiel when you were trying to sell? Would you like to buy some Girl Scout. cookies? I bet your spiel was more like. you're going to buy some cookies. or you're going to have a flat tire when. you're done buying grapes. and you're going to have protection from. here on out. You understand? Smoking a cigarette outside the house. You just wore a tracksuit. Tracksuit. with badges on it. Tracksuit badges. You're smoking a a. bubble gum cigarette. Look here. See? Why are you carrying a tire ironing out?

You like having knees? Must be nice. Look, you buy some tag alongs and I. won't be tagging along, if you know what. I mean. Hey, I'm also going to sell you some. Milanos. They're not street cred. These fell off a truck. Yeah, I don't. think those are Girl Scout cookies. I. said they fell off a truck. Oh my god. Now, David, uh, you it was also revealed.

when you saw this picture of Sona, you. said, "Wait a minute. I must add. something to this. I was a scout. You were a scout. You were not only a. scout though, you scout. I'm an Eagle Scout. Is that the That's. the. That's as high as you can go. Yeah. Yeah. Uh. you're lucky to have us. Yeah, I know. So So wow. Both my assistants have risen. in the ranks of one of the most. prestigious uh. blah blah blah. Look at that. That's so adorable. I think I'm I think that that's me. holding a participation trophy. You had a slot car. You had a slot car.

race. That was my Pinewood Derby car. that I like built. Oh, look. And then I won. And that's my. participation. He got a participation. What does What does a participation. trophy look like? I mean, it's just smaller than the other. trophies. But I Is it a figure kind of shrugging? It's a car. It's a little car. Oh, it's a little That's not even a car. It's just a blob. That was a big day. Yeah, I can tell. I can tell. You've you've. never been able to. You put in so much work and then you put.

your car up and it's over in like a. second. Um, David, you look no different. Sona looks like Sona has grown into an. adult person. You look like Look at. David and look at this little boy. I need to get the round glasses again. You should. Oh my god, David. That's That's a very. cute photograph. Now you What kind of. badges did you get? I mean, if you went.

that high. I mean, it sounds like Sona. just had a couple of badges. No, seriously. Like, you didn't stick. around that long. You didn't have any badges. We If we. were in nature with the two of us, you. we could. Yeah, we could start a fire. We could do that, I think. Wait, could you start a fire, do you. think, using just two sticks? No, I could with a a lighter. Oh, wow. That's what they teach in the. scouts now. with this. You need to go. into the woods and all you have is an. acetylene torch. No, soda got her fire. 17 pounds of beef. Soda got her fire badge from just.

leaving a curling iron on. So, what about you, David? Uh, I mean, we had do like the camping. one. The the climbing one was awful cuz. I had to repel from like a 30 foot tower. and I was terrified. Um, but we didn't sell cookies. We sold. Christmas trees. Oh, that's nice. Wow. Oh, that's Wait, you did they come to a certain lot or. did you have to haul a tree around? They would come to a lot and then the. Boy Scouts, we would just sit there and. sell to everyone in Carlinville.

And this is Carlinville, Illinois. Shout. out to Carlinville. And David has told me many stories about. Carville. You're basically a local at this point. No, I I I know all about Carlinville. I. have gone on the local websites. Yeah. You've had you've shown me where you. used to hang out. The one of the two. places where you could hang out in. Carlinville. Hey, Carlinville. Con. O'Brien here. I would love to visit. Carwinville someday and I think I. deserve a parade. No, David doesn't get a parade. We both get to be on the float.

No, he's a local boy. Make good. David drives the float. I'll still wave. Yeah. And our float will come in second. What is our float going to be? What? It's going to be the participation. float. I love that there's a float competition. for Conan to visit. Yeah. And I because you're driving, we. get the participation. Um, I want to win somehow. I know. I am. Yeah. I will say this. I trust you.

both with my life and that is a uh that. that speaks well of the boy and girl. scouts because I think you're both uh. exemplary people. I don't say that you. have great skills. Okay. And I wouldn't go turn to you if I. was lost in the woods. But you're both. very good people. They gave you a good. moral code. We'll take it. We. So, shout out to the scouts. Oh, we took the. Hey, scouts, get a Milano. Put the. There's no reason why you just can't. start putting Milanos in there. And no,

it's not a trademark name. And no, I. haven't looked into it. Just do it. But. anyway, uh and and Carville, we'll be. seeing you soon. Wow. We're going to be. in the paper. You just sexually harassed. a city.