Paul Scheer’s Awkward Encounter With Robert Downey Jr. | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

you have a uh a part of your uh very. cool book uh that is dedicated to. awkward celebrity encounters which go. which I'd love to go into a little bit. just because they are my favorite. moments in my life when I've encountered. people who are famous and it happens to. people all the time but for some reason. it's very funny when it involves an. A-list star and you realize oh this is. just sad and pathetic screwed up you go. in with the best intentions my new thing.

is like I I will not now approach. anybody because it's it's too. nerve-wracking I'd rather just stand. back I mean who did you have like is. there anyone that comes to mind where. you feel like you messed up the. encounter uh well there's one I've. talked about before but definitely I and. I and it was I I did a a standup tour. for a while and it was part of it but. the truncated version was just I hadn't. had coffee yet it was really early in. the morning and I go into this coffee. shop on the uper side and um I'm I get.

mine and I sit down I'm just about to. have it when I see that the person in. line who's standing shoulder-to-shoulder. with me I'm sitting having my coffee on. a tall stool and he's right there is. ernold Schwarzenegger and it was just. this great moment because he recognized. me. and wanted to say hi but had nothing to. say and I haven't had my and he hasn't. had his coffee and I just got my coffee. and it's early and it literally just. became coffee. huh and I was like uh yes no I'm having.

good it's good in the morning and I went. yeah it's it's good in the morning it's. really it's good in the morning to have. and then there was a long pause and you. went to have the coffee and I went yes. and then there was a long pause and he. went it wakes you. up and I said yes because of um and. there was a long pause he was like the. caffeine and I'm like oh my God this is. awful this is awful and yet uh I mean. this is he is the most iconic the most.

iconic people in the world and this is. what we're talking. about oh my God it's such like it's like. you're trying to make this connection. it's like I want to be I just want to. like be normal or just say hi or I want. to get in I want to get out and I did. this movie and there was a guy in this. movie that I would hang out with all the. time and he's like oh you know RDJ and. I'm like oh who's RDJ he's like Robert. Danny Jr RDJ and I'm like oh no no I. don't I don't know him he's like we're. we're buds we're Buds and I'm like all.

right great and and every day told me. about RDJ and like At first I was like. is this guy full and then I would I. knew a couple people in his orbit rdj's. orbit and I was like yeah you know this. person he's like oh yeah that guy's. great I'm like so it sounds legitimate. this is a guy you're getting to know who. knows Robert Downey Jr apparently and. now I'm like okay this guy knows RDJ so. Comic Con comes up and uh he goes hey if. you're in h Comic Con say hey to rgj for. me and I'm like well that's never going. to happen but sure great yeah I'll say. hi uh and so lo and behold I get in this.

place where I'm on the way to go to an. elevator and I'm stacked up against. Robert Danny Jr and he's dressed like. Tony Stark because he's going out there. to promote Iron Man 2 and now my wife is. with me my wife was in zodiac with. Robert Danny Jor she's at my side and I. don't know what comes over me but I'm. like hey uh RDJ I don't know why I. called him. RDJ no right but I've been hearing it. every day RDJ no.

no and and at RDJ as soon as I say that. my wife who's been holding my hand just. let go like like like a parachute she's. like I disassociate. disappears like just ejects and and and. I feel that and now I'm like and he. turns and he looks at me I'm like hey I. um I know and I won't reveal this guy's. name I go I know so and so and he looks. at me like I just spoke an alien. language like he's like what I go I know. yeah so and so I know Sam Chiswell yeah.

right he's like oh uh and and again. nothing's happening and and so I'm. getting nervous I start giving more. examples like you know he's got these. tattoos he did this one thing he did. this and and he's just looking at me and. now his bodyguards turn like and now I. feel and these bodyguards are huge like. their necks are bigger than my thighs. you know and I'm just and every part of. my body is like sweating and I'm just. trying to prove like I'm not crazy I. know somebody told me I I know you now. you're like a gambler who's losing big.

at the table but you have you can't. leave you got to keep throwing in and. I'm like I didn't even want to be here. in the first place but I know this guy. he knows they like and and I don't he. goes hey man I don't know who you're. talking about oh and I'm like right and. I don't know what to do so I say like. I'm sorry I I must have gotten you. confused with somebody. else and after I said RDJ and then under. my breath I go Robert Downey Senior. [Music].

what cuz I'm like in my mind I'm like I. don't I'm floundering and I'm trying to. keep and I said Robert Downey Senior. like maybe it was your dad yeah cuz you. know how we all get you two mixed up hey. was Robert Downey Senior Iron Man or. Robert Downey Jr a man that I couldn't. recognize her like and I and then thank. God that elevator came and I just I ran. I ran out of I was like I'm not getting. on I couldn't get on that elevator I. couldn't do it and that has lived with. me this awkwardness and I look over at.

June and she's like what were you doing. and years later I had a friend who was. on Avengers and they're like come come. to. set well I go I go to set and I'm like. it's fun having fun and then Robert. Downey Jr walks on set and I swear to. God he made eye contact with me and I. felt like every moment just came back. like he's like I remember you you're. insane and I was like and I literally. was like peace got to get out of here I. left I left the set of like it was like. the coolest set I've ever been on it was. amazing big gi Giant action scene and.

I'm like see you later bye go got to go. can't be here it's too awkward for me. here's the one difference between us cuz. it gets really bad it gets really bad. and then the guys the security is. looking at you and you know how I'm. fascinated with how I could make a bad. thing worse it's just my favorite thing. to think about and so I'm just obsessed. with the idea that he would says hey man. I don't know who you're talking about. that I would reach out and grab his. wrist and say you will acknowledge. me before this elevator door opens or.

else like what can I do in this. situation to to to cuz no and then I. would I would just I would have to I. would have to I would have to those. bodyguards there yeah oh cuz cuz if they. came forward you know if they started to. come forward I'd say you don't want to. mess with me you have no idea what I'm. capable I would keep I would keep. doubling down oh I would and and I'd say. I have a razor in my shoe I would keep. saying things that up the ATI more and. more to try and make it cuz the only way.

to make it better is to make it so much. worse just keep on pushing it over the. limit it really Mr Downey's coming with. me you'll get a call from an undisclosed. location and he will admit over the. phone that he does know that guy I'm. talking about I and none of you are. going to do jack about it I'm going. to kidnap him bring him to this man show. him uh man did you ever tell your friend. I was just going to ask that same. question so so I wimped out again.

because I I didn't know what like so the. movie had wrapped at that point so we I. finally see him years later and I'm like. should I do it should I do it and J's. like don't what why what are you gonna. get out of this he's gonna say oh he. must like and I and it was right he was. right in my sights to be like you. screwed me over you don't know Robert. Downey Jr and I didn't I didn't do. anything I walked away from it because. yeah what are you gonna get out of it. there's no there's no fun of it it's. like yeah at that point it's like he was. like oh he must have gotten confused I. gave him too many specifics to get.

confused I don't know what happened in. can I um ask you about the Christopher. Walkin encounter cuz that's uh I mean. first of all he's the character that he. just continues to Fascinate and I'm just. I got to know so when I first came out. to LA just with my dad on like a trip. together we did this how old are you at. this point like probably like fifth. grade right we were we uh we go on this. thing called Hollywood on location you. go to this little place you pay 75 bucks. and they give you the location.

of everything shooting in La that day. and the stars that are in it and I was. like this is the best thing so you could. just drive to set to set we went to the. set of Simon to Simon and Highway to. Heaven you know like like Mich you. dating yourself oh yeah 100% I mean this. is we're on the set of Simon and. Simon this name Will endure throughout. the the memories of the great L of. Hollywood I met Hawk from Spencer no uh. U and so you know we.

you know and we're kind of doing our. whole day we're we're through the whole. thing we're meeting all these people. that I'm I'm having the best time it's. like I've never seen a celebrity met a. celebrity and as a kid this is like this. was my holy yeah and so the last place. we go is this movie is shooting it's. called communion and I'm like I don't. know there's like a religious movie I. don't want to go to this and we hang. around and nothing's going on and the. security guard approaches and he's like. uh you uh you want to meet a movie star. and I was like yeah I'd love to meet a. movie star he like Christopher Walkin is. right in there now I don't know.

Christopher walking cuz I'm a kid and. and and I say my dad I'm like who's that. and he's like you know from VI to a Kill. it's a James Bond it's a villain from. James Bond I'm like oh yeah I want to. meet Max zorin so you know so calm down. matt well we covered that I know how did. this get made yeah Matt you're lactating. right now I was so you're male lactating. so this uh so The Bodyguard or the. security guard leaves and he comes back. and goes okay Chris wants to meet you. but No cameras no.

parents and uh and so my dad was like. what do you want to do and I was like I. want to go meet Christopher W here take. this you know and and uh and I and the. security guard like walks me across the. street and opens this big Warehouse door. and the the warehouse is just completely. dark and ushers me to go in I walk in. and he closes the door behind me so now. I'm alone in a dark Warehouse with like. a sliver of light from where the door. was and I'm standing there I don't still.

really know Christopher walking I don't. you know and from out of the darkness. comes this face and this movie communion. is about a man who like communes with. aliens so and I guess this is a part in. the movie where he is really in it with. the aliens cuz he's pasty white his hair. is all slick back and I swear to God. he's wearing these insane contact lenses. my God and he comes so his face looms. out of the darkness it's like it's like. you're at the bottom of the sea and you. know where you can only see inches ahead. of you and a creature just comes out of.

the Mist and he's like you know and and. forgive this terrible impression Cu uh. he's like hello little man and I was. like I was like and I'm like I'm seeing. this guy I'm like and and and I don't. know what to do and he gets down on his. knees to get like an I you know and he's. like talking to me and. um and you know and I've never and again. this celebrity is all new to me uh and I. and I have like in My Autograph book in. my hand which is not even an autograph. book my dad's a farm and it was like.

like a pad with like like drugs on it. like it was literally I still have it a. vicadin it says like vicadin on the top. I'm like can you sign this and he. signning it just says it says Jamie. girts on it 10. times in a child. scroll you know so he's signing this. thing and he and he and he goes you know. we're making a movie about aliens do you. believe in aliens and I I go uh yeah and. he goes yeah pretty interesting stuff. and I'm like okay okay and then and then.

he grabs Me by both shoulders and pulls. me in now we're like he's again on his. knees so we're eye to eye he goes don't. let anyone tell you what you can or. cannot do whoa and then also don't let. anyone grab you by the shoulders when. you're in fifth grade in a dark. Warehouse yeah and after that person. after that stranger has insisted no. parents may be. present no parents No cameras No cameras. no parents now send the boy and I can.

grab and then just s me on my way and I. have this random Christopher Walkin. autograph and oh and that's the other. thing too when when I got in there and. he first introduces himself to me goes. the light hurts my eyes and I was like. all right it was it was really like I. was like great holy really uh and. he's so I just love that he had some. advice to Bart on me and he gave me some. good advice yeah and uh it in the actual.

when you examine the story he's being a. really nice man that should be made very. clear nothing so he's so he's in a dark. Warehouse yeah and he's requested that a. child be sent in these are things that. he could give that advice with the. parent present too the camera holding a. camera no listen that could have been. totally fine I have the same rules son. you know working for me that I've often. said over the years send the child in s. parents No cameras no par problem have.

you rented the dark Warehouse it ALS it. I know I know all not the same one not. the same one as last time that had too. much light I also think that like no one. told me that he was going to be in full. character makeup too that's another. crazy thing like I'm seeing this adult. like fully just like I got to watch that. movie at one point think he was like. wanted to kind of freak you out on. purpose like bring the kid in this will. be funny you know I think doesn't sound.

like it I don't think so I think he was. I like if I really look at it I'm like. he's in crazy makeup and he probably. doesn't want a picture because he. doesn't want that look to get out there. I don't know you know but but he I it's. so funny that he was like I need to. impart something on this kid I need to. talk to him and it was great it was the. best experience of my life because it. was like it was so I didn't appreciate. it at the moment as much but now it is. one of those things where it's like the. best.