Nate Bargatze (FULL EPISODE) | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Hi, my [music] name is Nate Bargetti and. I feel uh a heaviness about being Conan. O'Brien's friend. >> All right. Now, what's the heaviness. about, Nate? >> It's just I think it's I I think you. come with a lot. [laughter]. >> You are correct. Give the man his prize. money, right? >> Yeah. [music]. >> Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien. needs a friend. I am Conan O'Brien and.

uh Son of Obsessian is right next to me. drinking a massive glass of water. >> It is massive. >> and you're taking this really weird uh. overarticulated sip and then uh here's. Matt Gorley doing creating a characters. in real time. >> I'm scared of it spilling again and then. Eduardo getting mad at us. Eduardo is uh. very very strict about liquids getting. anywhere near the electrical ports. because both of you have spilled water. >> Yes.

>> And you have not? I. >> Oh, I'm perfect. I never spilled. I know. podcasting care about equipment. >> That's right. You can joke, but it's. true. >> Okay. >> Yeah, you did spill one time. >> Well, I didn't. >> Big bag OF DE'S NUTS. >> [screaming]. >> SEE, WE were. >> we were uh listeners, we were chatting. just before we went on mic. >> Yeah. >> Sona was doing tons of D's nuts jokes. [laughter]. >> I became. >> during a very important meeting. >> I became irritated and said, "What was.

the beginning of all the De's nuts. thing?" We all started trying to plow. into how Deeznuts got started. And then. Eduardo, you had a theory. >> Yeah. Uh Dr. Dre on the Chronic album in. 1992 had a track called These Nuts. >> Right. Now, where do you think it Do you. think that started it or do you think uh. was it. >> pop culture? I think absolutely. Uh I'm. sure it came well before that. >> But I know that Deeznuts really took off. when when did it really take off? Where. >> what was the heyday of Dee Nuts?

>> This is a real nerdy conversation. >> And can we have a Dez Nuts as. >> you don't analyze deuts? You just deez. nuts. >> Yeah, you just do it. Now you you say. de's nuts a lot. >> I do. I say a lot of like guy stuff like. uh like suck this. [laughter]. >> What? >> I don't want to say suck my dick, but I. sometimes say no. That is what I say, but I felt really gross being like very. vulgar right away. But yeah, sometimes I. tell people to suck my dick. >> Right. And is that a common thing for. women to say they have a penis even if.

they don't have a penis? >> No, it's not common. I'm I'm. >> So you're an uncommon. >> I'm I'm unwell. I think is what it is. Yeah. >> So you And that's a regular thing you've. been doing for years is telling people. to suck your dick. >> Yeah. And then once on Broad City, Alana. Glazer's character says to another guy, she goes, "Suck my dick.". >> Yeah. And did you high-five the screen. at that moment? >> It's not just me. >> Yeah. >> And so did Caitlyn Olsen's character. And. >> it's always sunny in Philadelphia. Yeah. >> This is what I know. >> Yeah. >> You know, Matt knows Star Wars and. Indiana Jones. You know, the Civil War.

>> Civil War. I know. Suck my dick when a. woman says it. >> Now, what if we our two interests. coincided and I was talking about a guy. in the Civil War uh who said suck my. dick [laughter]. uh to to General D's nuts of the Union. Army. >> Yeah. And General Lando Calissian was. there as well. [laughter]. >> Yeah. General Lando Parisian. >> Yeah. And all our words worlds came. together and it meant the end of the. world. It was matter meeting antimatter. meaning what's the matter. Um, oh,

>> listen. So, so what about now you're a. mom now, which still horrifies me. >> Have your kids, what happens if your. kids hear you? Maybe they're in their. room playing with what Soviet toy your. husband gave them. Um, and what you know. that little. >> They play with American toys, too. >> Oh, now they have those. >> Wow, what a country. >> Wow. >> I came there once and there was a little. windup Gorbachev [laughter]. with lead paint on it. It just says over and over again, "What.

happened to the wall? Where's the wall?". So anyway, if you're if you're attack. and attacker having an argument and the. kids hear it and you shout, "Attack, suck my dick.". >> Oh, these nuts. Um, >> I never say it in a serious setting. >> Oh, that's okay. So, they're not. >> Your house is not a serious setting. I've been to your house. It's not a. serious setting. >> Yeah, but it's not like I say it. jokingly like, "Suck me, dick." You. know, >> and your kids know And your kids know. the difference. >> I don't actually have a penis, and it's. okay. That's the joke. >> Who knows? But my thing is [laughter].

>> I know. >> Oh, okay. Just check when you get home. [laughter]. >> But my question is this. >> I find one. >> Yeah. Whoa. Where have you been? [gasps]. >> I go months at a time without seeing. mine. >> I censor myself. But during this. conversation, like, you know how Robocop. has that readout? I've had all these. things come to mind to say, and I have. got every single one of those. >> Not me. I don't have one of those. My. screen broke a long time ago. Clearly, I. don't either. What What are you cutting. out? Why would you do that?

>> I don't know. It's just us, man. We're. just having a good time. >> Us in a million lessons. >> Why am I the only one who who says. things like this? If you if you censor. You can't censor. We can't. We don't. >> I normally don't. He normally doesn't. But his not censoring is different than. you're not censoring. He'll think, "Oh, I could make Orlando." That's not true. But I think I won't. >> this time cuz she was saying. >> but you're thinking about you're talking. about dicks and and [laughter] you. know. >> and that's why I'm censoring myself cuz. I was going to say milk these titties. >> Jesus. >> See that's why I censored. >> You know what? You should have censored.

yourself. >> I know [laughter]. >> it's too late now. >> I know. >> No, but you know what? That's not a. saying. You can't just Can I just say. this? That's going to catch on like. wildfire. >> No, it's not because it doesn't roll off. the tongue. Milk D. But D's nuts. It's. just bang. It's done. >> De No, but that's also you can say that. to a lactating woman. But not every. woman's lactating. Every guy has nuts. You could say De's nuts. >> No, I think Hiller is missing one. >> No, that's a I think that's not true. >> You could say De's nut. >> If if someone's lost nut.

>> but with a D nut titties milk titties, both of you milk. We were talking about. This is very hard to do, Matt, but we. were talking about De's nuts and you. took us down the wrong path, [laughter]. >> which is next to impossible to do on a. discussion of De's nuts. [laughter]. Well, wouldn't it be singular? It would. be singular on nuts. Wouldn't it be. singular? [laughter]. What? How did De's nuts get boring? There are adolescent kids right now. going, "Uh, this Dez's nuts. conversation, [laughter].

>> oh my god, >> isn't panning out." No, I'm not going to. rap. >> No. Can we also talk De's nuts came out? What? 1992. I mean, she's been going. strong for over 30 years. He's been. going strong. >> She's been going strong. That's. impressive. >> Okay. I want to say before this is taken. down another uh unceremonious path. >> that we were talking about the beginning. of a great American phrase. >> Uh, and I thought that was a worthwhile. discussion and I'm glad that we did it. >> I don't think milk these titties is. going to become a thing. Oh, you'll I.

think we should uh I think we should. sell team cocoa merch with that phrase. on these titties titties and I get 100%. of the income [laughter] of that because. I not only. should it then be parenthesis lower down. the t and not de's nuts. >> Yeah. >> To incorporate the earlier more popular. phrase to give a turbo boost to the milk. de's titties. >> I don't think it needs it. I think milk. de's titties works on. >> how about we make them both one. polyester one cotton and we see if it. catches on. >> You can't milk nuts. Well, you can.

actually. [laughter]. >> All right, we'll take a break. Uh, we. just found out that our funding from PBS. has been cut. [laughter] Says right. here. And um, >> Sona, you go and read up on some basic. biology. >> Uh, let's get into it. >> Yeah. >> Uh, well, way my guest today, [laughter]. >> very I mean, Sona, >> what are youa? I'm sorry. >> What's that? >> Nothing. My Robocop thing is going off. and I'm saying no, no, no. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah, if someone's editing.

herself, it's time to call. >> Now, I really want Believe It or Not. My. guest today is a hilarious comedian. who's currently on his Big Dumb eyes. world tour. >> God, he's good. Tickets are available at. nate Bargotsi.com. We're thrilled he's here today. Uh, I. love him. Hilarious comedian, lovely. fellow. Nate Bargotsi, welcome. >> We've known each other a long time. I. met you. >> What was the year that you first came on. my late night show? >> Uh 2008. You're my first late night.

appearance. >> Yeah. Late night coming. >> And you have I I think I saw somewhere. you were describing the experience of. pulling up to 30 Rock and you hadn't. done a late night show before? >> No. >> And were you nervous about that? >> Yeah. Well, they they so they uh Well, you said that this is where I didn't. know in New York. They go, "Limmo is. gonna come pick you up." But it's just a. town car. >> But I'm from Nashville, so I'm like, you. just start throwing the word limo. around. I'm expecting a real limo. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> But it was just a town car. You're like,

"All right." You, you know, I mean, I. was still excited, but it was like, "All. right." [laughter] Little deflating. Uh, I thought I thought it was going to be. limbo. And [laughter] then. >> you wanted to put your head through the. window like you're on prom night. >> [cheering and screaming]. >> He [laughter] was wearing I remember he. came on and he was wearing a low cut. dress. >> Yes. >> Yeah. He was all excited for prom. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> They uh So then we pulled up front. It. was me and my wife. And then all the. there's people got cameras taking.

pictures of the guests that are going to. be on Conan uh the coming out of the. car. And so right when they pull up I'm. like ah this is not going to be good. You know because I'm just my first time. doing late night there. You Julie Lewis. Drive I think was on the show. So, they're looking for that. And then I. come out and right when I walk out, uh, one of them goes, "It's nobody.". [laughter]. And Yeah. And then [laughter]. And then one one guy did take a picture. I saw he didn't even hold it up to his.

eye to make sure. He just kind of held. it shot from his chest. Yeah. >> Yeah. And he goes, "I guess just cuz he. saw me. He's like, "Yeah, might as well. just see if something maybe.". >> And you can hear him press delete. >> Oh, [laughter] yeah. Oh yeah, >> it's a very audible sound. Trust me, many a paparazzi has deleted the photo. while I'm standing there. >> You know what happened too with. [clears throat] that on my first one. with you? Uh cuz I always said with. comedians, if we mess up on stage cuz. you're up there alone and so when you. usually like right when you get off.

stage, if you did said something wrong, you're saying it to whoever the first. person comes near you because you just. haven't talked to anybody. and I messed. up a no one would even be able to tell, but in my head I knew I messed up a. joke. And when you came over and you're. like, "Neighbor, I got you." And you're. like, "All right, whatever." And then. you shake your hand again. I go back to. I think I messed up that one joke. And. you're like, "I don't." All right. And. [laughter] then we just walk back like. there was it wasn't like it was a, you. know, it was like I stumbled a word. >> Yeah. But I remember just I always tell.

people that story like the first thing I. said to Conan when he comes over, I'm. like, I think I messed up. You're like, I don't. All right. Uh, [laughter]. >> it's all good. It's all good. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> It was my 15,000th show. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> And you get uh but also um you you were. great out of the gun. I mean, just right. so natural, so funny. And uh you came. back a bunch, which I really. appreciated. And um. >> you it's it's fascinating to me. I'm a.

huge fan of yours and. uh it's nice because I've encountered. you a bunch of times out in the world. >> Uh you were at the SNL 50th and I don't. know if you remember I mean I certainly. remember it but uh I got invited by. Martin Short like do you want to come. have dinner with. >> Steve and I are going to have some. caviar and champagne the night before. the 50th, you know, to sort of pregame. And uh I thought he was joking about the. caviar and champagne. And I show up and.

it's the two of them there and you're. there too. And um I don't know about. you, but it I will never be jaded about. Steve Martin and Martin Short. Do you. know what I mean? It's it's And so I was. just I think like you just happy to be. there. >> Yeah. I just happened upon I was walking. out and they were like, "Hey, we're. going up to uh have dinner." They didn't. they didn't tell me you were coming and. they just said, "We're going up to have. dinner." And I was and they're like I. was actually funny. I was I was going to. meet Spade. >> Yeah. >> And then uh you're like all right let me.

go out there and like I just went up. there a little bit and I'm kind of like. I got to you know I need to go like and. but it's crazy because you're talking to. Steve Mar short and then Conan then you. come and then you're like I mean it's. just sitting there you're like this is. the most thrilled dinner. I've never had. caviar. That's the first time I had. caviar. >> I I'm not a fan of caviar. I don't know. if you were you were you did you like. >> I liked it there but I could have been. swept up in the moment. [laughter]. I'm not against. >> it's off brandand for you. >> Yes. Yes. And I could have just been in. that moment being like it's the best. thing ever. [laughter].

>> I was really happy because we got to. hang out a little there and then after. the Oscars I go to this after party. I. think it was a Vanity Fair party and I. run into you and a friend and we just I. think I talked to you guys for a long. time. I felt like safe with you guys. like this will be nice. I can hang out. with these guys. >> We did too. Yeah. I think comedians are. uh kind of just tend to go I don't you. know cuz when you had those parties. you're like I don't know what I'm going. to say to. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> half these actors like I don't you know. it's like but with us we just went over.

there. >> and we all just hung out and it was the. best. Yeah. >> Just found a corner and then just. >> chewed the fat. It was really fun. >> Yeah. There's a safety. >> when you fill it with other comedians. that you're like, >> you know, you're not going to say. anything wrong where that no one's going. to get mad or not. >> You said two things that were wrong and. I got real mad. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> But those are, you know, >> you said my lips are thin and. unappealing. [laughter]. >> I know. >> Talk about my prominent eye vein. >> That's what I told my buddy Nick. I go,

I think we got to get out of here. Conan's pretty upset [laughter]. going. Um, I've been delighted for uh. everything you've made happen um in your. career. You are spectacularly. funny. And it's interesting because you. talk a lot about how you're you're all. about normal. You're just a normal. person. You're exactly average. And I. think you've you've been very good at. comedically exploring that realm. And I. understand what you're saying, but.

you're also not. You are insanely. talented. And when I watch you do. comedy, you have such a natural style. that you I don't think your heart rate. increases at all when you go from. backstage to you get up on stage. >> I think you burn maybe three calories. the whole set. >> Definitely. [laughter]. >> And um. >> I put on calories. Yeah, >> I'm always watching you gain weight. Usually around the middle. >> He's getting bigger by the end of it.

[laughter] He's. >> But, you know, there's um and there's. such a uh economy of words. There's not. a wasted word anywhere in there, but it. appears as if you're just talking about. what's on your mind. And I know there's. a lot of thinking and work that goes. into that, >> but you make it look like anyone can do. this. And I think that in that way you. are anything but average. I think you're. quite singular in your ability.

>> I'm the greatest average. >> Yes, you are. >> That's what I [laughter] have a special. call. The greatest average American. >> Yeah. >> Um I was talking about Tennessee with uh. >> Well, that thank you for saying all this. stuff. >> Okay. >> That's not Yeah. Yeah. I was going to go. into like a Tennessee bit now. >> It [laughter] wasn't a bit. >> and I don't even address it. >> I'm not going to do a bit. >> I wasn't going to do a bit. Hold on a. second. Let me black out this tooth. >> Yeah, [laughter]. >> if those revenueers come from my still. [laughter].

>> there, I had to get that out. Yeah. >> Um, >> no, it was good. >> Uh, well, [laughter] I meant everything. I said, but I also I love how I don't. think so many people are altered by. fame. You seem like someone who has not. changed in any way. >> I hope not. I mean, it's uh Yeah, you. just do crazy thing. I live in. Nashville. I live we lived in a. culde-sac like I mean we we keep. everything as normal as we can. Yeah. And moving back home was a big part of. that. But I appreciate that about the. words because it is it is conversational. and people think it's just like I'm up.

there just talking. But it's I'm not a. great I've never was a crowdwork person. I can't I'm not good with I don't like I. like knowing what I'm doing. It's very. planned and I know what I'm going to get. on with get out with. I make sure it's. all trained. like it is a Yeah, it's a. whole. >> Well, I'm going to be boring for a. second cuz this is something I want to. know. And um sometimes I think there. might be people out there that think, "Oh, don't you you know when Conan talks.

about comedy or they might think it it. gets too nerdy and in the weeds, but I'd. love to know what your process is. Do. you when you think of these ideas, do. you sit down and write it out or is this. something and you edit it and you work. it or how does it work? How does how. does Nate Potsi do this? >> I write the uh a lot of times I I come. up with the funny part first. Yeah. >> And so I'll put that maybe in my notes. on my phone, but I don't write out. outside of that. Then I just think about. it and I just and I'm really big on how.

you present it and the transitions and. how you get I think that's something. that I've learned over time that it's. like the jokes you know when you write a. script or anything where you want to go. joke jokes are the easiest thing for. comedians especially is like that's. going to be easy. We can go throw a. script down and everybody can pitch 500. jokes on it. But it's making it make. sense and making it and that's got to. flow and that's the part that I'll let. it sit in my head. I just kind of think. about it.

>> all day and I just like there'd be. different times that like oh you know. what I'll put that there and maybe I. grab one little I had a joke the big one. uh that I talked about. So I had a joke. buying iced coffee with milk. >> at Starbucks that everybody talks about. So I I tried to originally write a come. up with a joke about how in with milk uh. you don't buy it like I never have it. unless like a woman was in my house. >> So my mom we had milk and then the. little bit the hour I was lived alone. till I met my wife. [laughter].

>> Uh there was no milk. >> and then back with my wife's now we have. milk. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> So it was just I try to make that a. whole. >> This is the service women provide. >> Yes. [laughter] With them comes milk. >> in many ways. In many way. Yeah, they're. good. This is what they have milk. So, it's like they're it's just in them. You. [laughter] know, >> it's ironic that the providers of milk. also insist milk be present. But anyway, we'll get [laughter] into that later. >> Uh this is funny. This is the part I go, "No, you can leave this in. [laughter] I.

let you leave." Sure. >> Yeah. But anyway, so it was some it was. the idea of that and then I could never. make it work as its own joke. So in that. Starbucks joke, I just I put like I've. never bought milk publicly in the. history of my life. [laughter]. >> So all of that whole you hope it's going. to be this big chunk and it's not and it. becomes one sentence in a story, but. that it really expands that story. So I. I grab a lot of stuff for parts and you.

go, "All right, well that can't that's. obviously it's not good. It didn't work. as good as this [laughter] is. Is the. best it's ever worked to be honest, >> by the way. It's uh. >> and someone has a tough audience." She. said lying. Um [laughter]. uh. you talk about little jokes. You had a. it's a small uh just a small run. It's. it's it's not uh it's not like a big. hunk, but you have this small run where. you talk about um how you'd be a. terrible time traveler because you'd go.

back in time and you wouldn't be able to. prove that you were from the future cuz. you [laughter] don't know how anything. works. And I the minute you laid out the. premise, I like lay down on the floor. and said, "Okay, I love this premise. because it's true. I mean, I'm I love. jokes about history and I'm kind of. fascinated by history and I I work that. vein a lot, but I also know that if they. sent me back in time, I would be a. little used." [laughter]. >> But you talk about how you couldn't. prove it because you'd say, "Oh, no. We.

have something called cell phones. Well, how do they work?" I don't know. [laughter] And I thought the ideas are. so fantastic because um a they're true. and they're really elegant and you. obviously you put yourself down a lot. which appeals to me because um I was. always very comfortable making fun of. myself and um I I don't if I do find out. that I've hurt someone's feelings, I.

feel I like run a temperature. >> Yeah, me too. horrible. invented way to kind of give people. as this guy Conan. But I if I ever found. out that I really did bother Matt or. Sona, I think I would be sick to my. stomach. >> Oh, we should we should tell you then. Some things [laughter]. >> can't hear you. Eduardo just killed the. something's wrong with. >> I can hear him just fine. >> No, I think it's on the wire on my end. >> We'll just start making [laughter] a. list. But anyway, okay. >> I know that. >> I agree with that. Yeah,

>> I would feel more mortified if I hurt. someone's feelings. And that's why I was. I always wrote it inwardly. Like, and if. you make fun of yourself, you can go as. far as you want. But there's a there's a. there is a something you got to you. can't you got to you can make fun of. yourself, but you uh you have to do it. You just have to show love is what I've. learned over time. So, like even if you. talk about your family or wife or even. yourself, you have to at least show some. love. >> or people won't go with it. When I first. started doing jokes about my wife, which. is it was I could tell when they when I.

was younger, they were like, "Well, why. are you even married?" You're like, "Well, this is not coming out the way. it's supposed to be coming out." Then I. need to And you have to have that. balance where I can make fun of her, but. me and I kind of do it through me a. little bit more. And as long as you're. making fun of yourself and putting. yourself as the, you know, the loser. >> Yeah. >> In a way. Well, you know, all my. favorite classic comedians, the joke was. on them. >> Yeah. >> They were in the mud. And so whether. it's Laurelyn Hardy or it's Charlie.

Chaplain or it's, you know, WC Fields or. the list goes on and on and on. All the. classic comedians, they were sort of um. you were watching them go through their. absurd miseries and they were making it. really funny. And that that very much. attracted me. I thought this is really I. like this. this is kind of this is the. kind of stuff I want to do and it's fun. and uh. >> I think you're right when you talk about. love coming out of it, affection, >> um being goodnatured about it. I think.

those are all crucial and you can't come. up with that as a formula that I think. has to be in you. That has to be part of. your personality. And I know you were. raised I mean you've talked a lot about. it. There's probably nothing I can bring. up on this podcast that you haven't. discussed, but your childhood, your. parents having really strong values and. imparting that to you. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You did this I mean this great thing. that I thought was hilarious where. you're over at friends houses and you're.

watching they're going to watch a movie. that's. >> Friday. >> Friday the 13th. >> and you stood up and said I cannot watch. this. [laughter]. You do the jokes. It's really I mean. >> Hey, I I for I have blanking on it now. >> Oh, you say you say. >> but I know I say I'm not allowed to I. don't think I'm allowed to watch this. >> Yeah. And you're. >> and I thought other people would join. in. >> Yeah. And [laughter] you stood up and. >> we were not 17. No. >> Like it said we're supposed to be, [laughter]. >> right? You were 16 and a half. But my. favorite part, you say that and the the.

woman the mom there comes in and says, "Well, maybe we just don't tell your. parents." And you said, "Well, that's. going to be hard because I just phoned. them and they're on their way.". [laughter]. >> Such a great joke. >> Yeah, [music]. >> your stuff is really funny and I don't. see crazy exaggeration in there. A lot. of it feels true. >> um and feels very honest. Uh, I will.

crazily exaggerate when it's necessary, but I have found that the hardest laughs. come out of something that really. happened. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's And that's the fun part. is like trying to figure out how to. because you can have little moments. >> Uh, and so how do you like even in that. moment is like it's a funny idea that. the kid that I called my parents and. then I I went home is what really. happened. And then but then it's like. how do you tell that in a way that's. like not just a fun you know like your.

friend at his school oh my kid went into. this real fast. Yeah. So it's and that's. the presentation of it and like tell. them on the journey is like because it's. one little thing that you're like. everybody's had happen to them but it's. how do you package it so they go along. with it. You know, one joke that I had. that I want to tell you is uh when I did. uh when you were here in uh LA when you. first in TBS and I had a joke about. getting in a fight, my buddy took a we. took a bite out of his hamburger and. then uh he thought some he just.

immediately thought someone else did it. >> uh at the restaurant and he got up to go. fight him and we had to like calm him. down. This was back when I I sent that. joke into Letterman to do it and uh they. told me it was uh mundane. >> Mhm. And so I had to look up I didn't. know what mundane meant. And so. [laughter] I was in my head I'm like I. bet it's not great. Like I don't you. know. >> I picture you carrying a dictionary. >> Oh yeah. I was on a rope around your. neck. [laughter]. >> I looked at so mundane wasn't good. It.

wasn't a flattering thing. But then uh I. was you know I think I just did yours. I. couldn't do that. You back when you're. doing all these late nights but then I. went to you and you let me do it and. that always meant the most to me because. I told Letterman this. He was mortified. and I was h like. >> I'm glad. >> I was glad to like it felt it was like. uh I you know cuz that was a joke that I. was like once I learned what mundane. meant I was like well I don't think it's. that. >> Yeah. >> Uh but it's you you've always let comics. uh us come on your show and do standup.

and uh was very pro- standup and so you. were. >> Oh well uh I'm I'm glad it. [clears throat] all worked out. The way. my perspective is always different. I've. I've had stand-ups uh many stand-ups. thank me for their time on the show and. I think what are you talking about? You. came in Nate uh sever four times and you. um were really funny for six minutes and. made the show better and brought your. talent and put your shoulder to the.

wheel and that was six minutes that I. didn't have to sweat. So it's not that I. didn't. >> you were doing me a favor too. That's. true. >> Yeah. You should [laughter] present me. And frankly, I found that story very. mundane. [laughter]. >> Um, >> you you told every all the writers, we. got a mundane one tonight. >> I think I said it in your intro. Our. next mundane comic. [laughter]. >> It was from Old Hickory, Tennessee. >> Don't worry, folks. He doesn't know what. that means. Uh, [laughter]. >> I come out. Thank you. >> Oh, you know what it reminds you? It. reminds me of this great [laughter].

>> Thank you. You came out and you were. holding the dictionary like what? Um, you remind me a lot, and this is the. highest compliment I can pay any. stand-up or any comedian is, um, you, uh, you remind me a lot of Bob New Hart. in that your stuff is, I'm sure you've. heard this before, but, >> um, very seemingly simple, um, and. delivered very quietly and as if it's. just occurring to you in a very humble.

way with a straight face. And the jokes. are beautiful. Bob Newhart has this joke. which is, you know, I don't really like. country music, but I don't want to. condescend to those people who do. Um, and by the way, if you like country. music, condescend means to talk down to. [laughter]. >> And I always thought like that is a. perfect. I've said this before, but a really good. joke. Um, you can riff and you can goof. around and it's like there can be a good. spirit to it, but it's very it's like. packing peanuts that come when you open.

a box. It's there's not much to it. A. really good joke feels like a diamond in. your hand. It has weight. It's like a. little gold ingot. You can feel it. That's a joke. New heart's joke. And. your jokes feel like, oh, no, no, no. This has actual value. You can write. this on a on a stone and hand it to. people and like 500 years from now, it's. still going to be funny. It's that those. are very hard to think of. You've got so. many of them. You're crazily prolific. And I think one of the times you came on.

our show, you had. >> I think you came on a second time or a. third time pretty quickly after. >> after the first time. >> After the first time, you came back. pretty soon. And um people were saying, "Well, you can't come back that quickly. because. >> my manager told I didn't tell them. They. they Well, you just had Melanie, so this. is a long time. So Melanie just did it. Melanie came back pretty quick. >> Uh like I mean like like you know 3. months or something like that. And uh. and so then the y'all were doing more.

auditions as Comedy Club Eastville and I. was like, "Oh, I want to try to do it. again." And my manager at the time, which they were great. Uh I mean they. like but they they were like some of my. favorite managers. Uh but they all just. it was back in the day New York days and. they were uh they go you can't do it. again. And I was like why not? And they. go they don't let people come back. I go. well John Melania just came back and uh. not saying I was even Melanie but just. like being like well just there's a. >> give it a shot. give it a shot. Yeah. >> And so they go, "No." And then I just.

got the I was like, "Well, I'm going to. go try to get on the thing." So, I just. did the uh I I I went and did it and uh. the audition and I got it without them. They found out. I wasn't going to tell. them. I was just trying to see if I. could get on the show and then have them. find out with me on the show cuz. [laughter] they they my own managers. were like, "No." It was very funny to. me. Your own your own team's like, "I. wouldn't even try again." [laughter] He. goes, "We got lucky with that first one, so let's not let's not push it. >> You should probably just you [laughter]. should go work at the steel mill now.".

>> He goes, "John Melany did it. You're no. John Melany." [laughter]. >> All right. I think we know what we're. talking about. >> These are great managers. [laughter]. >> You want to do comedy some more? >> Yeah. >> Isn't it something you do once and then. you work the fields? >> They were They're the best. >> Sure. Yeah. The best stories. And I. guess you're still not with them. >> I feel bad. No, I'm not with them. anymore. >> Well, I guess they really are the best. then. >> They're the best. It's I had the most. fun stories. >> Mhm. >> Like it's it's like they're, you know,

it's when you first get managers where. you're like they're they're just very. fun stories. >> Uh and so then I went and did it and. then they they Conan your people called. which I didn't know they were going to. do and they go, "All right, we got Nate. tonight on and whatever." And so then. he's like, "So you got it?" I go, "Well, you told me I couldn't do it again.". Yeah. And so then he came down and it. was uh and then we did it. >> and he took a commission on the thing. that he didn't get you. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I like it. Trust me, I've had my. experience with that in the early days. You can't do that. Oh, I understand it's.

happening. Send the check to [laughter]. 1515 Milshshire Boulevard. >> Okay. You called me a loser. Yes, you. are. Send the check just to me, [laughter]. >> not to anyone else. Um, >> I used to have another manager that uh. when I first got it, I would call his. office and his his his wife was the. secretary. >> and then he would answer the phone or. she would answer it be like, "Uh, let me. see if he's in." And it would be like 35. minutes, seconds, minute you'd be.

waiting and then she'd be like, "He's. not here.". >> And then one day he invites me to his. office. His office is in his garage. >> and her desk is touching his desk. So. then you're like, "Where were you for. the minute?" And then [laughter] I. uh. it was [laughter]. and I had another one where the guy. would he would answer his phone and you. could tell it was his voice and he'd be. like uh answering for his name.

[laughter] and then you'd be like, "Oh, is he there? Nate call." He goes, "Uh, let me see if he's in." And then you. hang up and he again you wait a minute. and he goes, "Hey, yeah, I'm in." You're. [laughter] like, "Yeah, that was you. You're acting like your own secretary. There you go. >> I used to love in the old days it was. fun. [laughter]. >> I would when I got treated like that to. say, "Was it someone else's turn with. the phone booth?" Like [laughter]. just I was pictured these people in a. phone booth. >> Yes. Yes. It's quite busy here at Talent.

Co. Um [laughter]. you called it a good time. >> Hey, buddy. >> Buddy. Buddy, YOU'VE THAT'S YOUR THIRD. QUARTER. When are YOU GOING TO GET OUT. OF THE WAY SO I CAN MAKE MY CALL? >> MY WIFE'S IN LABOR. EVERYBODY SAID. [laughter] LABOR. COME ON. >> WELL, the reason most people don't. repeat that quickly is that they build. up a really good set and it takes a long. time for the well to refill. And to your. credit, you're and I'll say this about. John Malaney, too. You guys are crazily. prolific. You're much more prolific than. most, which I think is you're um so.

that's why it's a surprise that you. would come up with a whole new set that. quickly. Um, and I still think it was a. mistake. >> I think you should have gotten out at. the top. >> Yeah. >> Which brings me to my next point. You. have had uh, you know, I can't walk 5. feet in America without seeing your. face. You are a huge success and I'm. wondering how you're processing all of. that because. you have you told your story about first.

coming on the show, the late night show, and people saying you getting out of a. car and them not recognizing you. that's. just not possible anymore. Are you. handling it well? What's it feel like to. you to have people everywhere know who. you are? >> Uh yeah, it's very different. Uh I think. you get used to it or you're not used to. it, but I always thought of it like uh. you know, some of the hardest parts of. this is when you don't know if they know.

you because then I can't I don't know. what to do. I'm either going to be a. lunatic to this person or like why is he. acting like he has control of the whole. room or or they are fans I don't know. So I always thought well if I can get. everybody to know then I'm I'm a little. more in control. So if you walk in a. room you can just be like hey what's up. and you kind of know they know you. So. you can kind of make everybody feel like. a fun room and we're all friends. And so. when you're in that middle phase where. it is straight up 50/50, if.

>> you I can't tell if are they, you know, do they know me? And then you'll be. like, I'm a comedian. They're like, yeah, I know. And you're like, well, you. gave off like you didn't know at all, right? [laughter]. >> And so I you're screwed either way. If. you say, um, hi. Yeah. Um, I ordered a. coffee and it's for Nate Burgati. Yeah, we know. >> you're Nate and so, but if you say we I. ordered a coffee and I think you know. who I am, [laughter] you're a dick, too. So, >> yes. Yeah, it's a hard balance. But in.

an overall perspective, how I try to. handle it, that's a deeper feeling is I. really try to remind myself that it's. not about me. >> And so, I'm living a life of service. Uh, and so it's like you're you should. be serving the audience. So, when you do. a show, uh, right before I go on stage, I remind myself, this has nothing to do. with me. This is not about me. It's not. a celebration of me. It's a show for. everybody in that crowd, and I need to. do the best show for them. >> That's great. >> And so, that that's how I've I learned. that once I I I did So, uh, starting.

out, I always wanted to play Bridgestone. Arena in Nashville, and it's, uh, our. arena. And so, you know, 20 years I like. I didn't really think I would get there, but I kind of daydreamed, you know, I. was handing out flyers in New York City. and all this stuff and you're coming up. and you're like, "Oh man, what if I can. do this one day?" And then, uh, >> that was sort of the bucket list thing. I want to do Arena. >> Yeah. Yeah. It was just kind of far away. and you, you know, it's kind of. daydream. It's like I'm not It's a It's.

a goal that you're I always uh like to. think your uh your goals should your. goals should actually be simple. They. should be like you'd be embarrassed if. you can't get them. And then your dream. should be embarrassed to say them out. loud. And so you just kind of have your. goals are like I'm trying not to hand. out flyers. Well, what do I got to do to. stop that? And that's a that's a. realistic goal because you're like it's. just a guy one level. It's. >> achievable. And so you can then figure. out, all right, I got to do this. How do. you get on late night? And then once you. get in late night, you're like, all.

right, I've kind of got in like so if I. keep doing late night and get TV. credits, I can do cruise ships if I have. to. like you can do whatever with you. know as you move on and uh but then when. I did Bridgestone and we sold the most. tickets ever. >> 250 people. >> 250 people it's a big room [laughter]. >> I just looked it up it's a very he says. arena and that's cute but it's made of. stone [laughter]. >> it's a it's a horse arena that that you. go. >> and I'll see. >> how about a small dream. >> uh no how many people is it Brit Arena.

>> uh it was 19,365. and then so but It's that night I. remember having a feeling of like like. what what am I like what do you you know. I've been looking at that dream for 20. years. >> and so then you're like well what is. there what am I looking at now you know. and then you just got to kind of find. and what I've started with like my Nate. land company is like you just find. something else that you you realize like. oh I need to have something else and you. put it out there and then. >> have it daydream and do the same do the.

same thing see if it happens. >> this is amazing you're going to make uh. you call it an amusement park. Uh. >> uh yeah, I guess I guess I'm going to. find out. >> Um [laughter]. I'm going to call it. >> This was not amusing at all. >> Yeah, >> I was not amused. >> We want to be a decent park [laughter]. just where people. >> set the bar low. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> A place you can go. >> We're a little bit above a BIE. [laughter] Like it's Bies then we're. just a little bit above Bies. >> The amusement park.

>> Amusement park. [laughter] Um, well, I. mean, good luck with that. And I just. love the idea of you looking at. different people are going to be making. sketches and drawings of different rides. and things and you're going to be. saying, "No.". >> Or a little more this a little bit more. steeper. >> Yeah. Steeper. More dangerous. More. dangerous. >> Is there a mascot? Is it Is there going. to be like a mascot of you? >> I don't know. Look, I mean, this is So, this is We're very early. Obviously, this could all crumble and fall apart. and goes nowhere. I don't know. We But.

we've you know I know uh. it's like they like I started making. movies and it's uh or I just only made. one. But the idea of it is like. theaters. I don't think theaters are are. like you know they're not going away. like people love going out and to do. stuff and there's just not stuff for. them to go do. So if you can go make. movies where a family can go out. I love. taking my daughter to the movies. It's a. great experience. uh a lot of this.

Hollywood I would say Hollywood out here. but it's they've gotten so far off where. they're either making an animated movie. or a horror movie and there's nothing. really to go to and then a lot of. stuff's on Netflix and all so you're. just kind of at home so I think. experiences is something that is you. know you're seeing even younger kids. really want to do experiences they want. to go do something they want to uh you. know the idea of like my we used to get. dropped off at the theme park at. operland and you could just go hang out. with your friends all day and you want. to like I want to give that to a parent. cuz that's like uh even for that kid.

like they get to go be around their. 15-year-old friends and it's part of. growing up and it's the fun aspect and. have a safe place for them to go do that. where you know you you know you can. trust they can do it like uh I like the. old timey like people worked at Ford. their whole family worked for Ford like. you know the idea of that where people. just worked at this company and they had. real pride you see like a older person. that worked for like a Ford they will. defend Ford to their death. And. [laughter] I like I loved I loved the.

like pride of whatever they did that it. was like a company. >> My first car that I bought was a Ford. and uh the first new car that I had. I. had a lot of crappy old cars. >> Your Ford Taurus? >> My Ford Taurus? Yeah. And guess what? >> They just found it. [clears throat] Um. >> Okay. [laughter]. >> It was involved in a crime. >> Did you try to take it for insurance. reasons? >> I'm telling you, this is a true story. Three days ago, I get uh a message from. Jason Chalemi, who's been with me. forever, who's my right hand, and he. said he said he knew someone who worked.

over at Warner Brothers, and he asked. them to drop by this their parking. garage and just look around and they. sent back photos of the 92 Ford Taurus. that I owned that I had through I had I. got that show. I I mean, I got that uh. show. It is a show. It's a super high. output. Uh I got that Ford Taurus. [laughter] I got that Ford tourist um. when my in my 20s and I had um I had. submitted a packet to the Simpsons and. didn't know what was going to happen and. I was so cautious about money but I just.

decided I'm getting a new car and I I. get a 92 Ford tourist and um then I got. the job at the Simpsons so that became. my car in LA and uh I had all these. adventures in that car and it became a. standard thing that everyone knew about. me. >> Yeah. >> And it always got a laugh because I'd be. talking to It would come up a lot of. times with celebrities where they would. say, "Well, I drive a I just got a new. Ferrari or something." They go, "What do. you drive, Con?" I'd say, "192 Ford. Tourist SHO, [laughter]. super high output." And it would get a.

laugh and I'd be like, "No, that I'm. being honest. That's what I really. have.". >> What are you going to do with it now. that you. >> I want to get it I want to chronicle. this, but I want to get it rehabbed and. bring it back. [laughter] And I'm so. excited. It is covered in grime. Um, this person took photos, which we can. post. It is covered in dust, but it's. got its inspection sticker from 1992. [laughter]. >> Um, yeah, >> it was just on a lot on the. >> It was in the It's in the parking garage. at this moment at Warner Brothers. I.

don't know why they haven't towed it. away. Um, it's got we did a bit with it. when I went through the whole Tonight. Show thing where I'm coming to work and. I I assure the audience I think there's. a little tension with NBC right now and. we shot this thing where I pull in to uh. to the parking lot and suddenly all this. gunfire breaks out and all these squibs. went off in my car and it blew holes in. my car. >> Are those holes still there? >> Their holes are still [laughter] there. And its claim to fame is that the um. clutch is stripped because Brad Pitt did.

a bit with it once and got in it and and. peeled out which I didn't know he was. going to do. >> Um it's got a stick shift and he's it's. a Ford Tour with a stick shift. That's. the novelty. And he peeled out in this. thing like the F1, you know, Superman. that he is. And later on I noticed the. clutch is all Brad Pitt up. my Ford Taurus. And who can say that? Brad Pit up my Ford Taurus. So, I. want to bring it back. Maybe you and I. will take a ride around. >> Yeah, I would love it. I like a stick.

shift. I have a stick. >> I do, too. >> Yeah, it's. >> I had a joke if you ever want to uh. leave your if you want to valet and. leave your car up front, just drive a. stick shift cuz [laughter] they don't. >> they don't want to. >> like I mean, no. And if they're younger, they don't know how to do it. And if. they're lucky, they got like a cook in. the kitchen that's like [laughter]. that hasn't done like he goes out, he's. like, "All right, everybody turn around. Don't look at me. No one no one look at. what I'm doing." Cuz he's got to get. back into it. [laughter] He used to It's. how he learned, but he's like, "Give me. a second. It's been a while. Turn your.

backs.". >> Hold on. [laughter]. Put buckets over your heads. >> I have to ask you because um a couple. things. one, you talk a lot about these. restaurants that were your favorites. when you were a kid and they're still. your favorites. Like you talk a lot. about Applebee's, places like that. And. I was thinking I relate to this because. when I first came out to LA, I think I. was pretty. >> I was not a worldly person, but I. remembered when I first when I I get out.

of college, I come out to LA and I was. so excited. There was a Denny's across. the street. >> from where I worked and I could I. remember it dawning on me, no one's in. charge of me anymore and I'm making my. own money. I can go to Denny's anytime I. want. [laughter]. >> And I felt like I was the the king of. the Nile, you know? I felt like the. greatest. And I would go over there and. I'd be like, I'll have an extra-L large. Coke and no one can stop me. And I'm 22. Yeah, you'd think I'd have been a little.

more sophisticated, but I I've always. had a soft spot. >> I relate to those places so much. I. think I have a big problem because of. that reason. >> Like it was like getting uh all this. fast. I like not that you can't eat it, but I eat it so much. And it's that. aspect cuz no one can tell me I can't do. it. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Cuz growing up, if you went to. McDonald's or went out to eat, it was. kind of like a big night. It wasn't like. you weren't you weren't getting it all. the time, >> right? >> So, it was a big deal. Oh, and then once. I you live on your own and you make your.

own money and then you're like, I can. just go I mean, I can go to McDonald's. like at any point. And now we've uh gone. down a little slippery slope. [laughter]. I had. my dad was a lovely man and never got. angry, but when he did get angry, it was. always about the smallest thing. And I. remember [laughter] my brother Justin. tells me this story, but he got us food. from McDonald's and we came in and we. were and I mean again I cannot stress.

enough what a lovely man my dad was and. um but he starts unpacking all the. McDonald's food and then he realizes he. got the chicken McNuggets but the guy. forgot to put sauce in and he's looking. around for the sauce and he's getting. more and more uptight. You can see him. gritting his teeth and then he he opens. up the bag and the kid forgot to put the. sauce in and he just he starts shiver. like shivering with anger and he just. [laughter] WENT. and I'm like this is a guy who if I came. in and said dad I just totaled the.

family station wagon. He'd be like well. I'm glad you're safe. >> Yeah, >> but it was the smallest thing. [laughter]. >> Jesus. Um. >> if you wrap your head because you're. once you accept that you're going to do. this too. >> Yeah. >> It's like that's what's so frustrating. when you're like I'm going to eat. chicken nuggets. I was like ah honey. mustard. >> I'm going to have that sweet and sour. sauce. >> Whatever. Sweet and sour sauce. Whatever. They got hot mustard. I'm a. big fan of hot mustard. But then Yeah. And you you just have it all pictured. and then when it's not there. The only. reason you're eating chicken nuggets is.

for the sauce. You're not eating them. for a vessel. >> I eat chicken anywhere. >> Eat a dry nug. or your Yeah. your house ketchup like. you're just like [laughter]. so disappointed. >> No, I know that my dad a great a very. good man is is in heaven right now. Um. and and God is saying to him, you led an. exemplary life. But about the McNuggets. [laughter] moment and my dad is probably. holding his ground. >> Yeah, >> he's in heaven. He's just eating all the. sausage.

>> But you know what's making [laughter] my. dad angry? The guy's up there, too. You. can't He died two years later in a. terrible shootout. [laughter]. >> I made that up. I don't know what. happened to that kid. They have your dad. murdered him. >> God, they have one job. >> Yeah. Um, I have to bring up. >> what I believe is uh the Washington. sketches. >> are uh they got to be in the. Smithsonian. Those are those are works. of art. They they really are. And I I've. spent my life. >> I mean really a lot of my early career. was writing sketches. And um I get.

excited when I see a perfect sketch. And. uh I I was blown away by that as was. everyone. I was so happy that it went. viral. >> I was curious before this interview and. I checked it out. It's like 28 million. people have watched it. I mean it's just. uh. >> and it's great because. >> it's all true. That's what I love about. it. It's all true. And in that new heart. spirit, all of it is exactly accurate.

and um and it's touching on some really. powerful stuff uh w with Kenan and it's. done just perfectly. It's just it's. really uh. and Mikey Street and Mikey Day. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Just great. Just really great. And um. >> is it fun when you go out there with a. sketch that good? It must be really fun. to do that in front of a crowd at SNL. >> Yeah. Well, that's. >> especially the first time, you know. >> Well, it almost didn't make it because. during the table read, I did it and I'm.

like I'm so I just, you know, used to. performing for a live audience. So, when. it's just everybody's kind of quiet and. you're reading it, like I'm not reading. it very fun cuz it's like it's just. awkward. >> And so, when we got for the dress. rehearsals, it was on the maybe side and. I really liked it. And I was because I. knew I was like it'll do good once I'm. in front of a crowd. Like, I just need. like timing, you You know, it's hard to. have timing. And uh and so I I Lauren. put it in at the uh he was like, "All.

right, we can try it last." And then we. tried it last and Dresser was on the. destroyed and then move up to third. >> Now, here's my pet peeve. Did Lauren. enunciate? He Lauren reads the stage. directions at the read through. >> Yeah. >> Did he annunciate or was he eating food. at the time? >> Uh he gives popcorn. Little popcorn. >> Popcorn. He used to have popcorn and he. used to have like carrots. >> and you'd work all night on a sketch and. be like this is a perfect sketch and. then I'd forget. It depends. But Lauren, if he was in a having the little.

hankering for something, uh you you know. like we we open on and then crunch. crunch crunch. >> I love how you still remember that. >> Oh, I do. [laughter] I MEAN LIKE SWALLOW. AND THEN SAY THE DIRECTIONS AND THERE'. BE A KEY direction like what the. audience sees immediately that he's. dressed as an astronaut and Lord would. say the audience sees immediately. and then uh people aren't laughing. because they don't know he's an. astronaut and then we pan to. [laughter].

>> they don't know he's an. >> why is he in space? >> Yeah, exactly. >> It's a moon landing. >> No, read read it yourself. Don't just. listen to Lauren. Um, yeah. He if he had been eating, they. wouldn't have known that you're George. Washington and you're [laughter] talking. to the troops. Trump Washington. Hello, my people. This isn't [laughter] funny. This blows. Who cares about weights and. measures? Um, hey, you're hosting the Emmys. >> I am. >> Uh, they are very lucky to have you and.

uh you're going to have a blast. >> I'm excited. That's what I want to Yeah. talk about. You killed it on the Oscars. So it was it was it was very fun that. night too to see you just cuz it was. like so perfect and it was so fun and. then it was like that it's even like. after that party like you're just like. oh yeah you know when you're like this. dude killed it like it was the best. >> nice that was fun. >> and uh yeah. >> but then being you're going to you're. they're fortunate because there's um I. think we're in an era where not.

everybody you know the good people don't. always get to do it and I think it's. great that you're doing it and I think. you're going to have you're going to. have a really fun time and people are. going to be very happy that you're doing. it. So, >> well, thank you. >> Yeah, I'm excited. Is there any like you. know I've not watched all the shows. That's the that's the part I got to get. on that. >> Oh, yeah. You got to watch the shows and. uh. >> I've seen all the commercials. That's. enough. >> I feel like that should count. Is that. enough? >> Yeah. Just only the commercials. Yeah. >> You should do all your jokes about the.

commercials that air around the shows. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Um Yeah. because if you make yourself. happy, it's going to be fantastic. And. that's the only thing. The only trick is. make yourself happy. Um, we have some. pretty fun ideas uh for some stuff. So, I I'm looking forward to it. And it's. the monologue is uh you know, that's. just with do kind of doing standup. So, it's like I'm I'm looking at uh luckily. I've had I had a couple jokes that I had. that kind of can fit in uh this kind of.

scenario. So then you're going to be. able to put that in there and then uh. just really work on the monologue and um. you know it's like I think we have some. sketch stuff because you don't have as. much time as you no think that's what's. you I think it's like 12 minutes or. something like that. >> You know what the thing is it's not. >> total. Yeah. So that's like like in. >> I think you can get more because you're. Nate Batsi. I think you can get more. time but. >> yeah you don't want to be. >> No. Exactly. But the other thing is I. always remind myself the times I've done.

award shows when I would do the Emmys or. when the Oscars I always remind myself. this is not my show. >> Mhm. >> This show is about other people. I'm. here to perform a very specific job. So. um you know cuz people would come up to. me and say hey why did you why don't you. switch the categories of like hey it's. not my you know how come this takes so. long or what was that about? I'm like. it's not my show. my job is to just do. the best I can with the time I have and. really try and make it fun. >> And so, um, yeah, it's not a lot of time.

when you boil it down. It's less time. than people think it is, >> but, uh, you're going to have you're. going to have a great night and you. should enjoy It's been uh I I tell you. what, I've been very happy with CBS like. cuz we like we had we were shooting some. promos and uh some of the jokes that. they that like some of the producers and. they have written were very very funny. and self-deprecating and I could tell. they were written with me in mind and. like my so uh I was very you know.

excited to be like you know what I think. CBS is like they get it and they're. going to at least for this im like. they're they understand and like they're. being like, "Yeah, just go be you." And. I don't feel like there's any uh, you. know, just from that phase of and the. promos we shot were very funny, I think, too. >> They're uh, it's real simple. Yeah. They. know that they have a great host. They. do. They know that and they want you to. be happy. So, >> make yourself happy with everything you. do in this show and it's going to be the.

best Emmys ever. Seriously. So, um, honored to have you here. I'm so happy. for you. >> Thank You're a great guy and you're. crazily talented and um. >> I'd love to I'm going to get that. tourist repurposed. >> and I'm taking you to the Denny's and. Gower Gulch. >> in uh in in uh in Hollywood which is. where I used to go back in 1985 when I. was just getting started. >> Oh yeah. >> And uh it was and I ate hundreds of.

pounds of food there. >> very quickly. >> Exactly the same too. They haven't. redone any place. >> I thought I went back when we were doing. the podcast. You You and I went back. >> Yeah, we did. >> And we had a feast. >> This [laughter] was like 4 years ago. Son and I were in this Denny's four. years ago and we had a blast. >> Yeah, it was fun. >> And I was like, you know, I used to come. here and they're like, we don't care. [laughter]. >> I sat right over there. Okay, knock yourself out, Conan. >> Um, but uh continued success with.

everything. Hey, please come back. anytime you want to talk about anything. cuz I'm a your biggest fan. >> Uh yeah, I would love that. Thank you. Thank you for everything you've done in. my career. You played way more of a part. than you might think you did, but you've. played a giant part in my career. So, >> I'm very aware of what I've done for you. [laughter] and now that you're in the. big money, I want compensation. >> Yeah. >> $600. [laughter]. >> I'll fix the I'll fix the clutch. I'll. fix the clutch on the Taurus. >> Deep pit the clutch. Yeah. [laughter]. >> All right, Nate. Take care. Yeah, but.

>> just start. >> And we're back. We're back. And this is. now a segment out of nowhere that's. happening because [laughter] Sona won't. stop talking about this. >> Sona goes back on the attack about. [laughter] how you can't milk De's nuts. I explained that. Yeah, I think you can. Matt, this is quite unusual, came in on. my side. And then Eduardo, >> I said, um, sorry, I'm in tears over. [laughter] what place.

>> Well, let's let's recover that, >> guys. Let's reconstruct what just. happened in De Plaza so that the. listeners know [laughter] what's. happening. >> Get out the red yarn. >> Go ahead. >> In Spanish, uh, you know, [laughter]. >> are you going to be okay, Eduardo? >> Yes. It's. >> You're crying. >> Yeah. It's referred to as leche. >> What is it? >> Uh, you know, sperm. Male sperm is. referred to as. >> it's referred to as milk. >> Yeah, basically. >> But why are you quibbling? Because your. whole thesis is premised upon the fact. that you're a woman saying, "Suck my.

dick.". >> No, I'm saying you can't milk a dick. >> BUT YOU CAN BUT YOU CAN'T [laughter]. SUCK YOUR DICK. >> WHO SIDE MILK? >> WELL, this is the United STATES OF. AMERICA. I UNDERSTAND what they do in. Mexico. But you can't. >> It's metaphorical. >> No one. No guy says milk this. >> You don't know that. [laughter] WHAT DO. GUYS that work on the farm routinely. probably refer you know they who knows. what they say but what I'm what did you. >> Welllay came in very earnestly.

>> I was just saying they they have almond. milk they have a thing called almond. milk. >> the milk of the nut. >> the milk of the nut. >> you're referring to the testicles as. nuts and they have their own milk. >> I know he is but what I'm saying is he. Bl has come in with the proof pro that. nuts can yield milk. That's right. We. now have the evidence that in Mexico. courtesy of Eduardo, I'll let you know. By the way, sperm is called uh referred. to sometimes as leche.

>> So, it's literal and figuratively. There's precedence. There's literal and. figurative. >> You can't. But no, I'm saying you can't. say it in like a sexual way like, hey, I. have a bag of almond nuts. >> Why can't you? >> Because we're talking about it in the. sexual. I don't say suck my dick. [laughter] in like a like a like a dick. as a guy I'm with and I'm like suck. dick. >> What? What are you are you having a. breakdown? >> I know. But what is your problem? We. weren't speaking sexually. We were just. >> Yes, you weren't. You were saying milk. these nuts in a sexual way.

>> You meant You meant You meant jizz it. >> Jizz [laughter] it. >> You mean milk? >> What's wrong? What's wrong with you? Jizz it. I was simply saying, and it. wasn't in a sexual way. It was someone. who had gone to uh, you know, a center. to have their sperm harvested so that. they could use it uh to one day have a. child. >> Not me. Farmer gets on a little. three-legged stool and I just stand.

there. [laughter]. >> You were a cowbell. >> What are we talking about? >> What does that mean? >> What I'm saying is an ejaculation does. not have to be sexual. You know, it just. doesn't. [laughter]. >> Wait, what? What. >> you are talking about? >> Now you've lost me. What do you mean? It. could be [laughter]. journalistic. What? What do you mean? Like. >> when I read Robert Carol's first book on. Lyndon Johnson, I ejaculated several. times [screaming] as a place marker. [laughter]. I didn't have a bookmark. And later on,

I'm like, WHERE WAS I? OH, RIGHT. The. New Deal. [laughter] Here it is. But the. pages would all stick together. They. don't all stick together. And you know. what? You [laughter] have to know what. to do. You use a green tea to get it. off. >> Great. >> Guys, I don't want to be taken down a. path which I don't think is right for. anyone to listen to. But I am just. telling you, Sona, that we have once and. for all proven. And this is a rare. alliance. This is a really rare. alliance. You've got. >> over there. You've got Putin. >> with Eduardo. You've got Zalinski over.

here with Matt. And I'm Trump. And the. three of us are in agreement that you. can milk these nuts. [laughter]. Oh, >> mic drop. >> Oh boy. >> Yeah, >> you you got that one. >> Yeah, we sure did. And you're with me on. this one, aren't you, Eduardo? I mean, Eduardo is. And what about you, Bl. >> Just say yes. And we're having. >> I don't even know what we're I'm not. sure what the alliance. Yes. I'm I'm. >> just join the alliance. I'm into it, I. guess. Yeah. >> Honestly, the only thing going through.

my head right now is I was at the first. day of school with a bunch of uh. 12-year-old parents. >> Oh my [laughter] god. >> Let's hear it. All I can think about is. that I talked to a mom I had never met. before and she like found out what I did. and she was like, "Oh, our whole family. listens to the podcast [screaming]. together and we love it." And so that's. all I can think about right now. >> And I'm really I'm really sorry, Giles, who's the listener. Sorry, Giles. >> The 12-year-old who listen. >> Sorry you shouldn't listen to this. And. don't milk these nuts. >> You'll go blind. [laughter].

>> Well, that's all our time today. Oh, wait a minute. That's not how podcasts. work. >> No, definitely. We're out of time. >> Uh, all right. Well, I guess we did some. good work [laughter] today. >> My god.