Mike Birbiglia (FULL EPISODE) | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

[Music]. Hi, my name is Mike Burbiglia and I feel. earnest about being Conan O'Brien's. friend. Hello and welcome to Conan O'Brien needs. a friend. Sitting here as always with. Sonomessian. Matt Gorley. Hi. We have a wonderful team here. Works. very hard. An inside source has told me. that instead of doing his job, Eduardo's. watching football. Are you watching.

football right now? Eduardo, what are you watching? Eduardo, what are you Eduardo? I thought you were my boy. Eduardo, this whole time. Eduardo, what are you watching? Nothing. No. What are you watching? We're We're. We're about honesty here. Listen, we we just Listen, we just. wrapped an interview with a guest and I. respectfully waited until that. Why don't you just tell me what you're. watching? I'm watching the semi-finals. of the champ UFA Champions League right. now. It's a it's a game between. Barcelona and Inter. Excuse me. It's Barcelona. Barcelona and Inter Milan.

Wow, Bla, you, man. But so listen, listen, listen. How dare you, Eduardo. How dare you? All I do is la you for. your professionalism. I think you're the. only professional one here and then I. find out that you're watching Barcelona. play who? Rosaliosandos. Inter Milan. And they just scored. Thank. you very much. Listen, let me tell you something. In. the. Yes. Oh, you missed it. Who are you rooting for? Barcelona. It's Barcelona. Um, Barav. Uh, God, we.

should learn the language. Whitesplaining. Excuse me. I am whitesplaining. I knew it. I knew it. So, you had the gall. You're in the. presence of Con O'Brien. We're making a. a seinal podcast and you are watching. football. You were on your fifth bit and. I decided to just. [Applause].

go get yourself. You're going to let him talk to you. Exactly. You're going to let him duck. You are You and I are both Oh, look at. this. We are all channeling the same. scene. Good fellas. Good fellas. And. Spider just dissed Man. Of course I would be. Yeah. Uh, Tommy. I'd be Tommy. I'd be Tommy. And And you're gonna let. You're gonna let him talk to you like. that. You're gonna let him talk to you. like that. And now, of course, you know where this.

goes. I start shooting away at you. This This is a right of passage cuz this. exact scenario happened to me early on. in the podcast as well, where I was. spider. And now. you got. it's a right of passage and now you have. to be shot in the foot. Fair. Yeah. And uh Yeah. Then you come back later. with a bandage on your foot and I kill. you. Um, listen. I know I do a lot of bits and. they seem like a waste of time to you. and I'm sure football as you call it. I. call it soccer here in the United. States. Uh, it's more important to you. But you.

know what? You do such a good job. I. think you should be allowed to watch. football. Thank you. While I'm just I'm going to put. something on my TV. Well, what would you first of all, Eduardo, mad respect. for for your comeback and also for your. devotion to the most popular sport in. the world or as I call it, Elm Mundo. Um, Sona, what would you be secretly. watching if you were secretly watching. while we were doing the podcast? Uh, Love is Blind. Okay. Is that a good show? I I mean, I only really watched the.

first season. Really? It's harsh though, right? It's pretty interesting. because people say yes to somebody and. then they see what they look like. Yeah. and they turn them down. Some of them do. Yeah. It just, you. know, I mean, it's Is love blind? Is it? So, wow. That's a profound question. And. it's the And it's the title of the show. Yeah. Are we really down under. on above deck? Below deck. Oh, And what about you? What are you. watching? I'm just watching Casino Royale as we.

speak. Oh, wow. That's the beginning. This is. when we are first introduced. to Daniel Craig. Pretty good, huh? as Bond. And he killed. it. Yeah, he did. He really killed it. This is the great. scene where he's chasing. Okay, so. that's what you're watching. Hard parkour scene. Yeah. Um. or I'd watch YouTube. You know what I'd be watching? Huh? Clips of my show. Oh my god. Classic Conan. You guys would see me not really paying. attention and then you'd take my phone. away from me. Oh, there's Conan talking to Al Roker in. 2004. Not even a particularly good.

interview, but me going, "Look at him. He's Conan's. got sideburns. That just kills me. That's great. Oh, what's he going to say. now? Oh, look at him. He's only 32. Oh my god. Uh, well, um, I listen, you're a maestro at. what you do. And I'm going to turn this back around. to a compliment. You're a maestro. And. all I think I think what Blade did. essentially was expose that you can do. this job with one hand tied behind your. backs. Interesting. I'm still pissed. I'm.

sorry. Are you still Are you And are you. legitimately angry at Blade? Yes. I think I think that was a foul. move. You ratted him out. What did I do wrong. now? Because we are It's We are real. people now. Fans get to listen for the. eventual payback. That's right. The get back and and when's it going to. happen? How's it going to happen? We. don't know. But I thought we all had a tacid. understanding that it's us against him. And when Blle when you you feed the. beast like that and and break the union,

you know. So, can I say this? It's not only It's. not only that, it's worse because. he's not even on your side and you just. But listen to me. Listen to me. It's. worse because. I check out the occasional Reddit. thread. I know what the word is on the. street. Eduardo. is one of the most respected people in. this room. The rest of us can be fools. and goons. Eduardo has this maleifulous. voice. He knows what he's doing. He.

occasionally speaks. It's always good. He is the one in this room who is the. adult, the cool one. You betrayed. you betrayed the Jesus in the room. Yeah. Or I'm sorry, the Jesus. That makes you Judas. That makes you. Judas. I'm the Judas. I'm the Judah. Well, I You know what? I. think I I just wanted people to. understand Eduardo is more than just an. engineer. He's a human being. And and I. wanted to show another facet of.

You're going down. You're going down and. it's Eduardo's coming for you and it's. going to be his retribution will be. terrible. John Wick, baby. Yeah. You just killed his dog. You killed the puppy. You killed his puppy. I think what. awaits you, Bla, is horrific. And I I. tremble just imagining being you. Oh my god. Eduardo's watching soccer and. you're getting mad at Blake. Can you get. mad at Eduardo, please? Listen. What the. See, he's tearing us apart. We can't let.

this happen. Soccer. You're on the list. First of. all, first of all, TV all the time when. you. got to have you have not have said. Stop calling it soccer. It's football. Oh my god. You just said it's soccer cuz. we're in America. It's football. And I'll tell you. something else. Eduardo. That's how you. say his name. Uh, Eduardo esmano. Uh, see is migron pronouncing your name. incorrectly? No, it was right. Is that cuz it's not. perfect?

No. Perfecto. Perfecto. Uh, Eduardo is. above reproach and. I feigned turning on Eduardo to trick. the rest of you to expose what rats you. really are. Remember when the studio wasn't working. properly? He it up. Remember? What are you doing? What are you doing? I want you to get mad at Eduardo. I just. want you to get mad at him. We just got to stick together, you guys. We got to stick together, you know. You. know what I love? We have nothing if we're not one. I.

remember the audio wasn't working. Union strong. Who is here? Who's. called? Um. Oh, Jesus. Listen, I'm going to say one thing, which is I want listeners to look at. what just happened here. I was given some information by Blair, which I took. I turned against Eduardo, exposing him and embarrassing him. Then. through a series of deaf maneuvers, tricked all of you into bickering with. one another. Now, and then I became. Eduardo's defender, his amigo, and the.

one who says football and not soccer. And so now I have emerged as the hero of. the story. And you are the villain, Sona, as are you, Bla. You're cool. You're cool. you. You're cool. Hey, I am a matador. you, Blake. Very few movements. I'll turn against Blake. Damn it. Oh, look what he's done to us. Look what. he's done to us. This is We have that. And Adam, you're being awfully quiet. over here. I know. You're just sitting there.

quietly. You're the real boss here. And are you. watching football? Deep down. You know I'm the maestro, don't you? At manipulating the people. around me so that I always come on top. 100%. I'm just being quiet cuz I'm. letting this unfold. This is good. content. Yeah, you're let and you're watching. you're watching the maestro conduct the. orchestra to perfection. I'm loving it, man. Perfect. Perfect. You're a good. guy, too. Eduardo and uh and Adam, you're the good guys in this room. All. right. Well, the important thing is once. again, I come out on top. My guest today.

is a hilarious comedian, writer, director, and actor whose latest. special, The Good Life, is now available. to stream on Netflix. Very excited he's. with us today. He is a fine fellow, Mike. Burbiglia. Welcome. [Music]. I do feel like we have uh maybe 110. different ways in which we intersect in. which we have commonality.

Yes. I I I'm hardressed to think of anyone. else who I have more in common with. who's not in my family that I have more. in common with because you sir, Mr. Mike. Burbiglia, if that's even is your real. name. Clearly one of the stage names. just to sound cool. Um, you hail from. where all my people come from. Yeah. Your people are from Worcester. Worester. Worester, Massachusetts. And. they all went to Holy Cross College or. the Cross is. which is where my dad went. Yep. And our.

par my dad is retired doctor. Your. parents were doctors. Yep. Yep. No, my my dad was a doctor. Um, my mother uh was a lawyer. Uh, not a. doctor. And so that's insulting that you. come in here and start. You thought that was insulting. I just. thought that was a basic. misunderstanding. You're right. I don't know why I went to. insult. That's so weird. But I'm so mad. at you right now. You're so sensitive since the Oscars. Yes, I am. I feel like Yes. You didn't win. I just want to hold space for Matt and. Sona today cuz I feel like you guys have.

really probably been through it with. Conan Diggo this year. You're not kidding. Yeah. Yeah. I was under the impression that if you. host the Oscars, you get an Oscar. No. And when the night was out, I was I. thought one of you had my Oscar. Oh. Or David. And no one had it. And then. they said, "No, you don't get an Oscar. for hosting the Oscars." And did you see. the fit I threw backstage? Everybody heard about it. I smashed stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You hit Ariana Grande in the face. Well, with an Oscar. I tried to, but she's quick. I took a.

swing at Ariana Grande. She ducked when. under it, and she came back with two. rabbit punches to the kidney really. fast, and I just went down hard. Anyway, you got me distracted on my fight, physical fight with Ariana Grande. We. overlap in so many ways. Yeah, I know. And um let me begin by saying you very. kindly sent me your latest special and. I'm going to start with this because I. loved it and I love your work and you. did a oneman show and I'm going to give. it a quick shout out now. It'll also get. its own special head. It's called The.

Good Life. Um, and it's on Netflix. And. I will say that for my money, nobody. does. tone, sustained tone in comedy as well. as you. You create this beautiful tone. that's very funny and then occasionally. very meaningful and you it's just a. thing of beauty and you lay it out there. and for just tone alone, I I think you.

might be the reigning champ. I will say. that. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. And I I I And you're. hilarious. We've known each other a long. time, but I was thinking about you were. talking in your special and I've thought. about this before and we've talked about. the ways in which we are alike, but in. this special you're talking about all. these things that I relate to a. thousand%. Oh, interesting. meaning we come from. the same part of the world exactly which. is I grew up in Brooklyn, Massachusetts,

but my parents are both Worcester. people. My my grandfather was a traffic. cop in downtown Worcester. Uh and um all. my all my people come from Worcester and. uh you talk about what it's like growing. up with a father who's a physician, a. doctor, and how there's a lack of. physical affection. Yeah. And I'm like, you just went through this. list of things that I was checking off. You're going through a traumatic thing.

with your father who you talk about he. has a stroke. Um, and this is. tell you're in the hands of a master. when you're talking about something as. powerful as a stroke and a lot of other. heavy things. And it's hilarious. It's really good. But I lost both my. parents this year within days of each. other. Um, which always sounds like a. murder uh. or a motorcycle accident. Literally, my. dad uh my dad passed and then three days.

later my mom passed. and um uh and. you talk about trying to wrap your head. around your dad's mortality, but also. growing up in a family where people. aren't constantly saying, "I love you.". In fact, it's not said and there isn't a. lot of demonstrative physical affection. And then generation generationally how. you and your wife, me and my wife, every. conversation with my kids starts with I.

love you and them saying I love you and. ends with I love you and them saying I. love you sometimes in the middle of the. conversation. Oh, and just so you. remember. uh I love you and I mean it's just too. much. That's my too much. We're overdoing it. We should go back a. couple of clicks towards our parents'. generation. Yeah. But anyway, I was very touched by your. special and I I mean it's funny. It will. be funny to anyone, but I remember. thinking I'm so glad.

Mike is coming in today. It is Mike, right? Mike. Oh, Yeah, he says Dennis Liry here. months ago. It says Dennis Liry. I mean, it's fine. Well, he's also from Worcester. It's It. just says Worcester. Just go ahead and do it. By the way, Jesus Christ. No, no, but I you you uh. just put on speak. Just put up with him. Um I am going to. stop talking now, but. I emailed you the special and partly.

because I know we have all those things. in common. Like it's it's an absurd. amount of things in common. And then uh and then I said, "Please. share this with elite members of your. staff, including. Matt Sona." And then I wrote the white. stripes and then I crossed out white. stripes. Well, you know what's also. And then but then they didn't get it. from you. No, they were like they didn't get that. message. The message where he calls us Elite.

and then Elite. who's announced this morning as being. inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of. Fame. The White Stripes. Yeah. So it's almost like you foretold the. future. Yeah. Uh, and a quick shout out to the to to. Jack and Meg for that as the lead is. that your gatekeeping praise that. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You know, I don't know. I. I swear to God, every day I'm on my. to-do list is get rid of Matt and Sona. and then I just don't get to it. Every. day it's on the list with like more.

brown sugar. Um, granola is running low. Uh um, make sure you wear denim with. denim. You know, the problem with the problem with that. list is that Sona probably goes over the. list with you and she's on that. as being and then she turns it into. raise for Sona but never raise for Matt. What's up with that? Well, it's a lot of like, okay, make. sure you put this on list and I'm like, yeah, but. when you make that sound when you write. the list, it's a giveaway usually that. you're not It should be a giveaway. Yeah. Also, you're miming holding the.

pad here and the pen here so that. there's never getting. it. I think it should be about Mike. Burbiglia. And one thing that I. Wow. I don't think Matt was trying to. make it not be about that. I don't like it when someone prattles on. with their own voice and doesn't let the. guest talk. Which reminds me of a story. In 1967, I wanted a cat and my parents took me to. the Angel Memorial. Oh, well. Well, that can wait. Um, Mike,

there is so much crazy stuff that you. talk about uh that I can relate to. But. here's something you talk about in the. special, which I'm so glad you brought. up, which is our visit. Our visit to the. Pope. By the time this airs, the Pope. will have been gone for quite a while. It will no longer be the top story in. the news. But, um, you talk about the. Pope inviting a bunch of comedians, and. we were among that elite squad of. comedians that were invited, and it was. a.

Um, he spoke to us in Italian and you. talk about this in the special what he. said and uh uh and actually it was was. quite beautiful. It was about comedy and. comedy's place and I thought you did a. very nice job and it's very powerful now. that your special's coming out because. he is no longer with us. Yeah. And I I was impressed with what he said. to us. Yeah. He he basically said comedy in. these divisive times, comedy has the. power to unite us. bring people together.

and when when you make at le one. audience member uh laugh God smiles. also. Yeah. And I and I I just thought it was. beautiful. You know what's funny? He spoke to us in. Italian. So it just sounded like a. waiter was telling us our options. Oh my god. He actually said tagliotelli at one. point. But then I find that very. offensive as an Italian American. You should. That's how I meant it. No, but your that your brain just goes to.

this sort of Italian food stereotypes. It's like after all we've been through. as immigrants in the early 20th century. Wait a minute. The Irish were. immigrants, too. Sona came here like 6. weeks ago. I mean, the Irish people. No, but what I'm saying is he said uh in. his speech, "You want the meatball?". Remember that part? I'm sorry. Which part of this is. offensive? Do you remember the part where he ended. it with God bless you and do you want a.

meatball? Do you recall? No. You know, I don't remember that part. of it. Weird that I remember. No. No. I I faintly remember it. I. faintly remember it. Yeah. No, but it was uh. I'm trying to make you complicit in my. terrible rift. Did the Don't you remember it? Did the Did the Pope speak Did the pope. say anything to you? Um. he well they bring us up one by one in a. line and. yeah true story and we got a handshake.

and um. and by the way Chris Rock Conan Steven. Colbear yeah David Sedaris and in the. special I point out. I know I'm at the bottom of the list. Not so not so I I didn't like that. self-deprecating quip and I'm not a fan. of self-deprecating comedy. But um it is. really funny that the way both of us. found out which is the way I think all. of us found out is that apparently the. the second person closest to God other. than the Pope is comedian Jim Gaffigan. That's right. Because you say in your.

special that Jim Gaffigan that you know. your your your mother said you were. called by God and he went no no I. actually got a call from Jim Gaffigan. and I. was called by Steven Coar who may have. been called by God. but I think it but Gaffigan I think is. like the go-to. he's in the mix. Vatican guy. I think Coar wants to be the go-to. Vatican guy but I think it might be I. think Gaffagan had performed. I want to say he performed for the pope. he opened he opened for the pope. he opened for the pope in in. Pennsylvania years ago. Yes, for real.

story. in a bit. No, no, he came and he opened for the. Pope. But I actually believe I've opened for. the devil on the road. Okay. You know what? I get so mad at. myself when I. cuz I believed he opened for the pope. Oh, he did. Oh, he did. He did open for the pope. He did a joke. So, I thought my joke. doesn't negate that truth. It does kind of mama mia. I'm the ball. Yes, a bit. But now I'm saying earnestly.

earnestly. to you. Jim Gaffigan open for the Pope. Yes. True story. That is a true story. And Jim Gaffagan. um is I I. was wait the pope funny to follow Jim. Gaffigan. Wait, here's what I hear back is that. the pope that Gaffagan was killing and. the pope was like, "Get him off stage. Get him. He's going long. He's going. long. I said seven minutes. I gave him. the light. I have a bit about a hot. pockets. Yeah. Oh no, he stepped on my hot. pocket. Joe.

cuz the hot pockets. What's inside as a. meatball? Anyway, I started. He just, by the way, he just died. The. Pope. You're mocking. But you know what? I'm mocking the Pope with an Italian. stereotypical voice. He literally just. died. His body is still warm. No, it's not warming. Argentina. No, he's not on a frying. They don't have the. It's so fresh. He's not on a frying pan. He says Conan. respectfully. I'm saying he doesn't have one of those. French fry lights on him. He's not.

Argentinian. He was born. Yes, he's he is. Wait, did did the pope say anything to. you when you walked up to him? Cuz we. had a moment with him. Did he say. anything? Because he said something to. me. All he said to me is, "Who's a babia?". And I'm like, "Uh, he does. It's like a. one-man show. It's very good." And he. said, "I don't have time." No. Um, I. don't I just He did not say something to. me. We had an exchange. I just said, "Thank you so much, your holiness, for. having me and and uh this is an honor.". And we shook hands and I got the.

impression that it was an assembly line. that they were cranking through us. What. did he say? For me, it was, you know, it was it was. pretty intense. He leaned in and spoke. into my ear. He goes, "You are Jesus.". And now he's dead. And so, nobody can. substantiate this, but it's like, I. don't know. Well, I'm sure you know what the whole. thing's on tape. Yeah, I guess. I thought maybe he said, "Let me tell. you something. And these other guys are. But you you really like this. impression. He was like, I like the Leno.

Maybe I'm a Leno guy. He went away and. he come back just like Jesus. When he. came back in the 10:00 slot, I thought, is anybody even watching this? It was I. have to tell you. Oh my god. What happened to you? Listen, first of all, can I say something? He was so mad. But can I say something? Sona, you are. correcting two people for their pope. impression. The only two people in the.

room who met and spoke to the pope. We. are doing an exact replica of what he. sounded like. No, we're professionals. Jesus Christ. This is how we even. surprising. He spoke Italian. Okay. But he had an Italian accent when. he spoke English. You know what? He actually does the. voice of it's a me Mario. He does that. In fair in fairness in the special I am. guilty of saying. yippee. He of saying uh who's that? I'mma make a. I'mma make a pizza on the ukucharist.

which I'm sure if my dad ever sees the. special he will not like. Um anyway I'm. glad we I'm glad we uh we we took care. of the pope. I think we took care of the. pope. Uh but it was a lovely experience. to be there. And it wasn't just American. comedians. We were a small contingent. It was comedians from all around the. world. From all around the world. And then I. met I I met Liza, your wife. I met your. son. Mhm. And then I had a question which is cuz.

you know the special is all about uh. what what can I teach my daughter and. what have I learned from my dad? Yep. And so my question for you is. uh you your son is great. What did you. do right? What do you think you did. right? I have I will give all joking. aside uh not all joking. I'm sure I'll. get back around to it, but um my wife. uh is and and you will back me up on. this because you've known her um for a. long time. Uh but everyone here she is a. lovely person uh just a great soul and.

she was just and is such an amazing mom. I I think I'm a a good dad, but I think. she is the stellar parent, you know what. I mean? Um, and so I give her a lot of. credit. Um, but I also think you talk about. this, which I think is really. nice cuz I I can't stress enough, the. special is very funny, but then there.

are these just great nuggets in there. that that burble up of wisdom and. thoughtfulness. And you talk a lot about. um just modeling good behavior. Yeah. That kids pick up on everything and and. your kids have watched you and your wife. be decent people. And I don't think. um I don't think there's any replacement. for that. Do you know what I mean? I'm. My kids have seen me be inept,

uh clumsy. They've seen me make an ass. of myself uh in different ways. uh they. are continually shocked that uh I seem. to have made something of myself in the. world, but I I don't think they've seen. a lot of bad behavior from me. And I I I. mean, and look, Matt, Sona, you guys. have kids. I think that is. 90% is Monkey Sea Monkey Do. kids look. at their.

parents and you talk about it in your. special that you've you've you've kind. of tried to just be. nice good people, right? Yeah. I mean, cuz Yeah. When I was a. kid, you know, I I I I joke in the. special, but it's true. When I was a. kid, my dad was a doctor. In his free. time, he got his law degree. And I go, that's how much he didn't want to be a. dad. He's like, "What can I do in these slots. of time when I would be parenting?" Yep. Yep. In fairness, we weren't great kids.

We always wanted a dad, but and he wanted another secondary. degree. Our goals were at odds. But yeah, that was one of the things. about being a kid is like my dad was. very, you know, serious about his job. and then he would uh every now and then. he would just shout. He's just very old. school. And I feel like I've I've always. grappled with that. I've always been. like I've always thought if I'm a if I'm. ever a parent and I'm now a parent I'm. just never going to do that. Yep. I just.

But and it wasn't just my dad. I mean I. in Massachusetts I'm sure you saw this. all the time. The parents were wild. Well, I. I recognized uh this part too, which is. my dad incredibly sweet and um you know, when we you know, we're kids, he had a. temper and he would unccork sometimes. and uh it was uh you know, it it I think. it was a kind of generational like my. dad, again, you talked in your special.

about I I you said your dad didn't um uh. instead of uh being sent off to fight in. Vietnam because he was uh in medicine. They sent him to Texas. Yeah. To be on a base. To be on a base. That the exact same. thing happened to my dad in the Korean. War. Oh, no kidding. So, he was sent to Texas. And he didn't. really do anything that had anything to. do with the military. So when my dad. passed, we read in the instructions that.

he had left that when he and my mom died. that the instructions were like, you. know, he wanted like the full military. honors at the at the funeral, which he's. entitled to. And so I gave the eulogy for my dad. My. brother Luke gave the eulogy for my mom. cuz it was a double funeral. And I said, "First of all, let's get something. straight." because there's like a big. flag on his coffin and with you know and. with uh and I just said my dad was in uh. the army the way Captain Crunch was in. the Navy. [Laughter].

and uh and the thing the reason I felt. okay about it is I think that would have. really made my dad laugh and when my dad. laughed. he grabbed his shoulders and because. there was so. it was all about uh you can't you don't. want to express too. It's not just too much emotion, also. joy. Everything's kind of bottled up in. this uh in this Catholic way. Oh, yeah. And and so it would he would unccork. sometimes and get angry and frustrated.

And I remembered thinking. uh it's just generational. I'm sure he had witnessed that with his. parents. I don't want my I just don't. ever want to be that dad. I didn't want. to be angry dad. Me neither. So one time I said to my. daughter I go so my I go when my dad. she goes she one one day I was emotional. about something like I was like I don't. know if we should do the and then my.

daughter goes dad why are you yelling I. go oh this isn't yelling. I know what yelling is I go just so you. know when I was a kid my dad you know. and and I'm I and I literally said to. her I'm gonna shout right now this isn't. me shouting I'm doing an impression of. my And he would go, "Where are my. goddamn keys?" And she was like, "Oh my. god." And she was like, you know, she. was like, "He's not he's not shouting. like that now." And I'm like, "You're. stealing my jokes." Yeah. That's.

straight out of the special. Yes. She's. really got it. For my dad in the famous. Lauren Earth is there's a special spoon. that has a serrated edge for eating. grapefruit. Oh, really? Yeah. It's a grapefruit spoon. you know, it has a little serrated edge so you can. so you can and there was one in our. house and my dad liked to use it to eat. his grapefruit in the morning and one. morning he couldn't find his grapefruit. spoon and um. just listen to the guy narrate the. explosion of the Hindenburg. It's a little similar. Uh um and so we.

just clock things and we clock things. where we say like I love my dad. My dad. was an amazing person. I'm gonna I'm I I. I'm going to try to uh not do that part. But it's interesting because it no. matter what you do as a parent, I feel. like what I've discovered is it doesn't. mean you're better as a parent than your. parents were to you. You're just. ultimately different. cuz like I cuz you know I was raised. very Catholic, etc. And and so, you.

know, we don't really do a lot of the. Catholic stuff. And uh and then we're in. the Vatican and Una's my daughter's. looking around and she goes, "Dad, who's. Jesus?" And I was like, "Oh, wow. I have. really overlooked a lot of major. historical facts in my education." My. daughter, just for pop culture. No, really. And she she knows the Greek gods and the. Roman gods and and. she knows the band Jesus and Mary King. She's just jealous.

But but I was like, "Oh, it's. interesting because that is something. that I since going to the Pope, I have. started telling her more about what. Jesus taught.". Yes. Which is I think is generally net. positive with with some caveats. Um. I think we can all agree that the core. not just of Christianity but the core. teachings of. many religions they have this. commonality this beautiful all in their.

own different way but the core tenants. of of many religions are fantastic. Absolutely. Just about treating how you should treat. other people humility. Um there are and. then we of course over the centuries. have added all of this glop to it and. it's turned into you know megaurches and. um you know uh. virtue signaling and insanity. Um but if. you just go to the basic tenants they're.

very beautiful. Yes. and uh. and and and and Pope Francis seemed to. embody a lot of the best aspects Yeah. of Christianity and Catholicism. I remember and this is a funny thing to. seize on, but he was a very humble man, Pope Francis. And when he came into the. room, I don't know if you noticed this, did you notice his shoes? He was wearing like worn. kind of walking earth shoe like like. meto kind of. Oh, yeah. They were just very they were. they were shoes that you would pick up.

at a very inexpensive store. or something. Yeah, something like that. They were. just very basic. kind of worn shoes that a guy would wear. on a bus um or the guy who's driving the. bus. And I remembered thinking there's. there was no sense of the pomp and the. gold and the rings. And I thought that. was impressive. Yeah. I mean, he had that one ring, uh, the po the paper ring. Well, he and he won that NBA. championship.

Yeah. For the Mavs. Yes. Mavericks. Well, I said I made the. mistake of saying Mavericks. And you. said, "Who's this Mav?" They say, "Call. it the Mavs.". Remember that? Oh, yeah. I said. Meatball. Um, we beat the Nuggets in the finals. They. went into overtime. New York. New York New York. Um, I'm. going to what we're going to do is edit. out all of my stuff where the Pope is. speaking in an offensive Italian and. just keep yours in and then we're going. to post tape me saying things like, "Please stop, Mike. Please, the man is.

gone.". Yeah. Um, I want to know about these notes. Okay. I need to know what the notes are. doing. I told him the two people I've. seen in my career who had the most notes. when they came out uh were um Gary uh. Shanley Gary Shanling uh and um Joan. Rivers. John Rivers had a lot of notes. and I recently ran into Melissa Rivers. and I said. I remembered your mom and every time she. came on my show um she was backstage.

with tons of and she filled in for me. notes. notes she said mom really believed in. preparing so you have brought your notes. with you. just well I I just had a couple. questions for you guys okay. because I talk about in the special did. you guys have a sex talk growing up. no. I did not. I did. but I gave it to my Dad, what what was it? I want to give me some. sex is what you said. Dad, you're going to you're going to. want to be with a woman. Uh, no. He just.

gave me the most uncomfortable right. before dropping me off to high school. Like, okay, you're going to want to uh. try drugs and have sex and uh just be. safe and don't overdo either of them. Have a great day. It's not bad advice. And for that. reason, I didn't do either for a long. time. But and I've been accused of overdoing. sex. I don't know what that means. What? Yeah. Over. You overdid it. What?

I didn't have a sex dog growing up, but. when I was probably around 20, I was. living with my girlfriend for a summer. and then my dad. and she had to talk with you. We're going to do something soon. My dad was going to be scary. My dad was. very upset about it and he just sort of. like before I left he looked at me for a. little bit and he goes, "You're playing with fire.". Oh my god. And that was the whole conversation. That was your sex talk? Yeah. And I was like, I got a hose. You. know what I mean? I don't know.

Oh, that's. the um. I did not get a sex talk and I'm I'm. still waiting. Still waiting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, this is the thing I'll say. I take the. uh the Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. podcast premise, I think, much more. seriously than the other guests. Last time I demanded to have a real. friendship with Conan. Since then, we visited the Pope and we. had coffee in Brooklyn. There were two definitive dates.

and I am coming on your podcast. to New York. Uh, and um I feel badly cuz. we walked in and your assistant was here. who works with you on the podcast and um. she has an antiquated name. Mabel. Mabel. Mabel Lewis. It's not a name you hear all but Mabel. You don't hear Mabel a lot. She's she's going to love that. But I I um. she has an antiquated name. My god. No. And she was wearing a bonnet.

She was wearing a bonnet. She was wearing a bonnet and she was a. horse. She came out in a horse horse. horsedrawn carriage. and I but she was in the podcast room. when I walked in. Uh this this very nice. young woman wearing a bonnet and she was. working a loom when I came in. It was a loom. Yeah, she had an antiquated name said Conan. I. mean that's. I know. I know. Um she seems lovely and she's going I'll. be seeing her at the podcast. Yes. Where and I yelled at her for even. daring to be in here. M yelled at her.

and I I said we need for symmetry she. needs to scream at me when I come to. your podcast. But I I want to move my friendship with. Conan to a quarterly. this year. Yeah. You mean. right now we did two we did two meetings. in the last year and a half. Let's see. You know what I'm going to. do? I'm going to be I think I'm going to. be in New York in June. And that's that's when this is it drops. That's when this drops. It drops, right? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Um, I think we should get together.

in June and I'll either do your podcast. or we'll meet up for. more than coffee. What's more than. coffee? A lunch, I think. A lunch. Yeah. Okay. Not a dinner. I won't do a dinner. with you. Okay. Fair. Next year. We'll see. There. There. So, we went to. we went to Italy. My daughter was there. Your son was there. And so, my daughter met Conan. Of. course, just thinks he's another person. going to the Vatican. doesn't just this. tall tall man going to the Vatican also.

and then we show when the Oscars come on. we show her the Oscars. like that remember him Conan from the. Vatican so that. How old is your daughter? She's 44. She's 44 years old. Yeah. No, she's she. just turned 10. But we showed showed her. the Oscars and and we laughed at the at. the Adam Sandler bit a lot. It's like. really silly him wearing a hooded. sweatshirt. Mhm. And the next day I drove her to school. and I was wearing a hooded sweatshirt.

and she goes, "You look like Adam." And. I go, "Adam who?" And she goes, "Adam. from the Oscars.". I think that's the only time he's ever. been referred to as Adam from the. Oscars. Yes. Yes. That's you know what you said in your. special and I which was sweet was um. that whenever you're out in the real. world and someone comes up to you and uh. says oh you know I love your comedy you.

had this great line about your kid's. response. Yeah. Yeah. I go well I said to her cuz. I was like thinking I was like that's so. weird for her probably someone's like oh. you're a great comedian. And I I walked. a few blocks. I go, "What do you think. when people say stuff like that?" And. she goes, "It's a waste of my time.". I was like, "That's the meanest thing. anyone's ever said to me." And I know. Bill Burr. Yeah. Oh god. No, it's really funny.

My kids have a great um uh healthy. disinterest for my shenanigans uh. professionally and um. I think way deep down they're proud of. my if I do some good work but mostly. again a waste of their time and uh and. I remember walking through the street. once down the street um and I was with. my daughter and do you ever I I reuse. some lines and what I get a lot is. you're much taller in. I get that all the time. And so I just.

learned the thing that always works is. people be like, um, "Hey, you're much. taller than you are on TV." And I say, "And you're much taller in person than. you are on TV." And I'll say, "Well, you. need a bigger TV." And, um, it always. works. It just works. I'll say, "You. need a 6'4 television." They're like, "Haha." And we're done. I I did that and. my daughter shot me a look. This is a. bunch of years ago. She shot me a look. and she said, "You've done that one. before." Oh, and I said, "You want an original line. for every human I meet?" And she kind of.

gave me a look like, "Yeah, yeah, you can't reuse material.". Yeah. I'm like, "You can when you're walking. around a mall, you know, what are you talking about?". We really got into it and I started. screaming at her, which I promised I'd. never do. I said I'd never be that dad, but that's that's what we got into it. The uh when you hosted the Oscars, I. texted you. I go, "Conan, you showed us. how it's done. Uh, all of us comedians. are diligently taking notes. Uh, do you. have advice? I was just about to film my.

special.". And Conan wrote back and it was very. sweet. He wrote, "Thanks. Tons of prep, but I ended up having fun out there. I. guess that's the only lesson.". Yeah. And I think that and I think that. that that the special. is I think the most fun that I've ever. had on stage in one of the film. specials. There is something contagious. about people having fun. Yeah, it's this special is really. specific what the preparation was. It. was 70 cities over two years. So I.

toured and I every city was different. You know, keep making tweaks, keep. making tweaks. And then my director, Seth Barish, who's directed like all six. of my last specials, he has a theater company called the. Barrow Group. And we would have these. impromptu like rehearsals for whoever. was around. It would be like 10 people. in in like a a room and I would just go, "This is the story." And it wouldn't be. like standup. It wouldn't be like people. bought a ticket and I would just do, you.

know, the special you guys saw. Like I. would just perform it. And you'd see. which parts just don't ring true. Yeah. Because you take away the inertia of. like a thousand people in a room going, "Yay!" And it's just like me telling you. a story. It starts to be like, "Oh, okay. Well, that part's a little. and this part really feels. like something.". Yes. That's That's the part of it that. speaks to something I don't understand.

there's a almost mystical quality to. some of this mass communication or. whatever we want to call it, but. specifically comedy where and I mean and. and the same thing is true in music. where you can you can try and over and. over and over and over again to get them. to like the thing that they don't like. or that they don't respond to. And you. can keep tweaking it and working it. But. when you find those real things, those. nuggets, they just have a palpable. weight. They have a.

they're they're uh and sometimes you. just find them conversationally with. your friends or out in the world. You. find something you're like, "Oh, this. is, you know, this is great. this is I I. there's something about this. phrase or this story with this, you. know, um. and that's the part where. it's funny cuz we started this and I. asked you off mic because you talk a lot. about your dad having this.

having a stroke, having a stroke. and it sounds, you know, like it was a. pretty serious neurological event. And. this is another thing I can relate to. because your dad's a doctor. He starts. to try and take control of his own care. And I I watched your special and I went. right to my dad 20 years ago having uh. being diagnosed with colon cancer and. they go in and they they do the major. surgery, not orthoscopic, but they go in. and they do the major abdominal incision. and take out a section of his intestine.

and sew him back up again. and he wakes. up after the operation and there are. these tubes going in and they're um. basically anesthesia to block the nerves. so that he doesn't feel the pain. And he. looked at them and he said, "What is. this?" And they said, "Well, this is to. keep you from feeling the agony of this. abdominal surgery." And he said, "It. will slow recovery. Take it out." And. they said, "Uh, no, no, no. We just cut. through you.

with a buzz saw and took out." And my. dad said, "Take it out." And they took. it out. I flew home cuz I was in Los. Angeles. I flew home to see my dad. And. thinking and I said, "I'll stop off at. my parents house first in Brooklyn and. drop off my stuff and go right to the. hospital to visit my dad." And this is. like the day after the operation. I. arrived because I had to I wasn't I. would have been in New York. So I would. I flew in, had to do a show, flew in. I.

don't have a key to the house. So I ring. the doorbell, the door opens. It's my dad opening the. door. No. Yeah. Yes. He had had his like intestine. removed the day before. Oh my gosh. And he's standing there white as a. sheet. He was like, "It is good to see. you, son. Oh my gosh.". And I can tell he's basically been. gutted like a fish. But he knew that. you can recover quickly with no. anesthesia or a little bit longer and.

feel some and feel comfort. And he did. that. And um that's when I thought there. was so much in your special where I. thought, "Yep, I can check that box, too.". Yeah. There's so much I can check off. It's. such a strange thing watching a. neurologist, my dad is a neurologist, being treated by a neurologist and. they're essentially conferring with each. other. Yeah. About what what has happened and then. your dad gave the doctor a bill. Yeah. Yeah.

Here's my bill and here's my bill. We'll go Dutch. There was. there was there was a point there was a. point where where and when he was at the. hospital early on where uh where he he. my brother Joe said to me, he goes, "I. went to see dad today and he said in the. middle of the night they took me. downstairs and I got hit by a truck.". And I was like, "Dad, it's worse than.

that.". You know what I mean? Yes. Yes. Like. it's oddly like Yeah. It's it's a it's a. shocking experience what he's been. through. And and how's his recovery going? His recovery is okay. I mean a few weeks. ago he had pneumonia and the flu at the. same time. Yeah. Yeah. And it just becomes. I mean the the special I mean the. special has been an interesting process. for me because I wasn't planning on. writing about it. that I started writing. about what can I teach my daughter.

Mhm. And then a year into writing that show, my dad has a stroke. And so then I'm. like, okay, what what can I teach my. daughter? What have I learned from my. dad? And in the process of it, I feel. like I've learned to empathize with my. dad in this way that I don't think I did. I did when I was younger. I think I just. viewed him as larger than life. and not quite as a person. Yep. and and I think it's been very. healthy and uh healing.

You know what helped me a lot is when my. daughter was born and then two years. later my son was born and I remember. telling my wife no matter what we do. they're going to go to a therapist and. have complaints or issues. because that's just how it is. And if. you accept that upfront and you're not. defensive about it, um I think. we're all doing the best we can. And. that includes our parents and their. parents. We're all doing Well, that's.

not true. There are parents that are not. doing the best they can, but most people. are doing the best they can. And that's what we're doing. We're doing. the best we can. Yeah. Um I haven't seen my kids in years. Um. but my manager and my agent tell me they. are prospering. I spoke with your. publicist about the modeling that your. children are are doing. Yes, I got them into modeling. I know you're getting the checks from. it. Well, they say that once they turned 18, they're supposed to get the money,

but I am fighting that. And um this is reminding me of this. crazy riff I did so. with Bob New Hart who uh passed about I. want I want to say a year and a half. ago. But um we were doing some I might. have been doing he did a podcast for a. while and I I don't know if I was. talking to him, but we got on this crazy. riff about doing stuff for charities and. um and we both started doing this thing.

about how Yeah. And then when that when. it's sick kids and then you're supposed. to give them the money and it was so. great cuz Bob New Hart who's you know a. saint and but he was so dry and he was. like oh I know tell me about it and you. know but and we were both doing this. fake riff about how we were trying to. hide the money for the children's. hospital and I that's what I love is the. is that when you can go that dark with. people who are. Oh yeah. at that point he would have been 94 and.

He can go that dark and wants to go that. dark. Oh yeah. And you realize, oh, this is just. universal. We're all terrible people. No. And this show is definitely the. darkest of my specials just by the. subject matter. Yeah. You know, and it's like. it's been an interesting thing because. like I there's that joke where I say my. dad had a stroke and it's been. devastating, but I will say it has. calmed him down. you know, but you have a lot of lines like that. that get big laughs, but if you you're also touching a third.

rail, which is the whole point, right? You know, but it's interesting because you just. when people laugh at that and and and. you know, there was a point at which it. early in the development, I was like, "Oh, that's a little tense." And then I. was I would say to the audience, I go, you know, uh a lot of the jokes tonight. are for me. Yeah. Uh some most of them are for you, but a. few are for me. This is a coping. mechanism and I hope it is for you too. And I think that that's the thing I've. realized in the process of writing this. show is that like comedy. for all of us is a coping mechanism of.

some kind. Oh, it's a total uh defense. mechanism, coping mechanism. Uh I've. often said I just as a very young child. went through my checklist of you know I. know everyone's given certain. superpowers. What are mine? And I went. through nope nope nope nope nope nope. nope. And then I got you. Oh, I can My. friends think I'm funny. We're going to. double and triple down on. cuz it's not going to be an athletic. scholarship. Um, well, the the prof the. uh the show The Good Life is on Netflix.

Uh, it's your sixth special overall, but. you're fourth on Netflix. They probably. don't want you to acknowledge anything. that wasn't on Netflix. True. True. So, um, and I believe that's either out. now or out any day. It's out. Oh, it's out. Okay. It's available. everywhere. watch it because you do. beautiful work, Mike. You really do. And. um there's this a bunch of these young. comedians who come from a generation or. two before me who I really adore. You.

and Melany and I mean the list goes on. and on and on, but just that that do. really great work and I watch you guys. and it makes me happy. Makes me happy. like, "Oh, comedy is in very good hands. It's time for me to die. And Mike Bigley needs a friend. There we. go. We have agreed that you will slide. right in. It's official. We're starting now. Yeah. No, wait a minute. What? Okay, we can do it. Give me a couple of.

months. Get my affairs in order. But. congratulations on another amazing show. and um thank you for making it. It. really made me uh feel very connected to. you. uh and um and also really laugh. And so, uh, I this is good medicine for all. And, um, now quick disclaimer. Uh, Pope. Francis did not speak with that Italian. accent. Con O'Brien, disrespect my grave.

I'm up in the heaven now and I have to. listen to this. All right, Mike. Thank you very much. This is such an honor. It's my favorite. podcast and I I just appreciate you guys. having me on. I'll see you soon. I'll see you. See you. in New York. Couple weeks. Yep. [Music]. All right. We do have to address. something, which is before the interview. officially began with Mike Burbiglia, we.

start yapping. And we always do this. Yeah. because and then we don't record. on that or we don't usually air that. because we start with a hi my name is. blank and I feel blank and um but we. thought we should stop doing that we. should just start playing this stuff cuz. it was it was a good area we had we had. some fun and it was before the official. start of the podcast so. we were just chatting. sometimes I will take those things and. splice them in the interview but funnily.

enough this one was so uh crazy energy. that when you guys actually started the. podcast, you both got really sober and. somber and they would never cut. together. I know. That's the thing is I came in. hot. Yes. I come in hot sometimes and you were. actually worried cuz. my energy was very high in a good I mean. I was in a great mood. I love Mike. Burbiglia. I'm happy to be here. Nice to. see you guys. I'm kind of jazzed and then I have the. biggest cup of coffee in the world. And you were worried like he's going to.

go up from here. Yeah. So, I think maybe I came in hot. Uh, Burbiglia or as I call him, Burbigs. Um, which doesn't really work as a. nickname. No, I didn't hear you call him that. once. Never did. I just thought of it right. now. Isn't I think that's his Instagram. handle, isn't it? Burbigs. Yeah. Oh, is it? Is it? Yeah, I think it is. Oh, it's terrible. I'd be I'd go with Burbig Biggy. Yeah, if I was him. I'd say Burbigaroni. I'd go Burbigan. Notorious. B I R B. But what was it we were talking about?

Because I can't remember. We're talking. about how um Burbiglia is offering that. when you die, he will do Mike Burbiglia needs a friend. and take Sona and I on. Yes. Yes. He which brings up a very good. point. We don't have a succession plan. and we need one. We do. I mean um I don't know when this. drops, but we've just lost the pope and. that's a whole process they go through. for finding someone. It's it's usually a. conclave. Yeah, I don't know if there. would be a conclave to find um who takes. over this podcast should something.

happen to me. Who would be in? Well, these three would. be in it. Eduardo and Adam would be. Eduardo and Adam would be. Cardinals. for sure. Or are we in the running? I don't want to I'm. don't think you guys want to host it. No, you um Let me just tell you something. Host. It's a very high pressure position. And. I think you guys get to go like, "What? What's he talking about?" eye roll and. then you get the check and it's all. nice. Um, to be the tent pole, to be the one.

who's in the F-16 piloting it. Oh, you think that's what you're doing? Anyway, Sony, he's right. So, we should. just co-host. Okay. Yeah, we could just do that. So, who would who should it be? Will it. be Rebiglia? Who will take over this. podcast? I think uh he's a a strong contender. Who else would it be? Who else would we. think would be have the uh I mean very. few people and this sounds like a I'm. thinking it's not even a humble brag. It's just a brag. But who else would have my combination. of skills? Wow. This is a.

read off of a paper. That's so much. work. I know someone just tears out a page. from a 1978 yellow pages. Let's get this plumber. Oh no. What do I do? Someone gives me. the research and then I got to ask. questions. Occasionally I got to doodle. while I'm talking to people questions. My job is so hard. Guys, I know it looks to you like I just. come in here and babble like a chimp and. then somehow it's cobbled together and. uh but no, that's not what I do. I spend.

hours preparing my body. There's a whole regimen of. uh various tubs filled with different. oils at a different temperature. There's. a whole thing that happens. Oh my god. So, you get deep fried. various oils. No, I think we should You. guys should be thinking about Adam, you. should be thinking about who would step. in and um you're the podcast whisperer. here. You're the one that thought I. should do a podcast and started this. insanity. I a as we're talking about it.

now, I'm actually thinking that I've. been a little derelct in my duties. because I should have a you know all the. like big companies are talking about. what's the Disney succession plan. everyone needs to have when their. leader is aging. Everyone needs to have. like a minute succession plan. my responsibility to to come up with. No, I was certain I was certain we were. talking about either an accident or me. deciding uh to retire to my my uh my.

pony farm upstate. And what do you mean. is aging? How about has aged? You know, what about has aged back? I think it's legitimate. I'm gonna. overlook the way you said it, but I do. think Yeah, and it is it should it should be my. responsibility. And I think Burbigley is. a great candidate. Although I will say this, every special. he has is about his medical ailments. Today we found out that he was born. without bones. Yeah, he has no bones. He uses coat hangers.

that are strapped to the outside of his. body. He doesn't have much time left either. I would worry about Burbiglia's health. because every special he does is about. Oh, and by the way, I have another. condition where my gums are growing into. my heart, you know. Um, so would you. Well, here's the thing, though. I think. you should be grooming your successors. I don't like the word grooming anymore. It's got it's got some bad. conotations. This brings up the. question. Is this like a democracy or a. conclave or do you get to appoint a. successor like a It seems like the. autocrat would be the way. Well, this is and Sona, you had.

suggested maybe this. It's more like. succession. I'm Logan Roy. You're Logan. Uh you're definitely a. Kendall. Excuse me. He is. He's Kendall. He is very You're. very Kendall. You're very Kendalllesque. and Yeah, it's And you Shiv. Yeah, I'm Shiff. I'm Shiv. But you're. You don't think you're a You're a Tom. And you know what? Tom Bla Bl is the guy. who's the guy who is out in Montana. Um you know Conor. Yeah. Bl is Conor. Yeah. I'm more a Tom than you are a Tom.

Blinks he's going to run for president. and no one takes him seriously. And. I see myself as more of a Greg. Uh that's true. Little little bumbly. swarmmy. You know what? You are more of a Greg. than a Connor. Um and Eduardo's just Eduardo. I mean, you can't you're not there's no way to. make it. There's no Latinos on succession. Oh, snap. He's like a Matson. He's more of a. Matson. Cool guy, right? No, I think he's Oh god. Jerry. He's. Jerry.

If I get the same paycheck, sure. As me. Sign me up. Yeah, there's not a lot of. money in this. I mean, there was at one point. Anyway, we don't have any more time to play the. clip. Well, yeah. This is. Yeah. Play the clip. Play the clip. This is like Succession though if nobody. wanted your job though. Like it's like. who's not going to get it. And in Succession, the company was very. sought after and powerful. This is very different with. This is people saying, "I don't want. that. I'm going to work at a shoe store. instead.". All right, play the clip.

Okay, here we go. Oh, man. Oh, man. Have we got a lot to. talk about? This is one of those ones. where I want to get right into it. because we have so much to talk about. Yeah, I know. There's a lot. Um, uh, you and your special will not. come up. Okay, got it. You understand? No. Let me just write this down. Kind of. what I've got going on. No promotions. No promotions. Promotions. No mentions. of projects. Um, have you met the Well, we This is.

Mark. Mark. and Mark. I just like to keep him on his toes. Listen, I came in a little hot. I. apologize. I saw someone who shouldn't. be here. Y. and it infuriated me and. Oh, I get it. You know what I mean, right? You don't. just let people wander around. First of all, I brought a bunch of I. brought notes again. Okay, listen. I love how prepared you. got a stack of notes. Last person who I saw bring that many. notes was Gary Shanling and he's dead. Oh my god.

Dead. And maybe I think because of the. notes. that was one of that was going to be one. of my notes today is when I just want to. pitch this to Matt and Sona when Conan. dies and I'm not saying he's going to. die soon. Mike Bigley needs a friend. Okay. Yes. We don't have to wait for that. No. No. And we have. um Wow. Or we can. Before we begin, I have one question. No. No. That's part of it. That's part. of it. Keep it in. This can't be part of the keep it in. No, that's better. Keep it in. Wasn't clear to me at the end. Dad.

Okay. now. Yeah. Okay. Your dad? My dad is okay now. Y. he's better. He's better. Okay. I just want to make sure before we. get into it cuz I'm really going I'm. going to really roast him and I want to. make sure he's okay. Um listen, I think it's what we do in. Massachusetts. Oh, it is. It really is. Yeah, it really is. Yeah. Um these two California soft little. babies. I'm really glad you're in my life. where. the hell she's from.

But no, but for real, when Conan dies, it is important that you know that you. will be the first two people who I want. to have on Mike Perigian story. You're. just you're you're going to make us um. you're going to make. I want to start but you have guys have. created this thing that has to happen. first where they go and I feel. and because we have to do that we can't. record any of this You created the.

perfect trap. It's all being recorded. Look at this. This is how an ES guy with. ESP does a podcast. That's a funny bit. We're ready to come be on your podcast. Yeah. Mike Burbigia needs a friend, you. said. Okay, we're in. Let me tell you a few things about. television. They're rolling right now so. we can use it. It's not television. It's not television. that's being recorded. Oh my god. I hope there's no caffeine in. whatever you're drinking. There's a volume in there. Oh god. Okay, over to you, Mike. Whenever you're. ready. Whenever you want to start. It's.

lots of fun to do. If you like it, holler. Yeah. And if you don't, you Oh. no. I listened to our last episode and Yaboo. in the comments is beloved. People love Yaboo. Oh yeah. Well, I could sing another one. of his tunes and I don't know if we. brought that up, but yeah. Boy. Wow. Uh, okay. Let's start it. All right. Okay. Fake start and go.