Matt Gourley Solves The Mystery Of The Polaris Nuclear Submarine | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Recently on the podcast, we talked about. how you could mail into a comic book. advertisement and get the Polaris. nuclear submarine. Yes. The only um. thing I'll add to that, this was many. years ago. I don't think it's still. true, but uh when I was a kid, probably. around. 197071, on the back of a magazine, there. were these things that you could on a. back of a comic book, there were things. you could send away with. One of them. famously was like X-ray specs and it. showed a guy I mean it's so not PC today. but a guy looking at a woman in a dress.

and the idea was that you put these on. and you can see through her dress. Oh, good. Um yeah. How many of those did you. buy? 700. and they do work. Um yeah. Uh but. anyway, one of the things that really. intrigued me was give us I don't know. what it was. $7. $7 and we'll send you a. working mini Polaris sub that fires. missiles. So you can get inside. It has. a periscope. Now I never did it, but all. these years later, it floats into my.

mind every now and then. What the hell. was that thing? What did you Cuz. legally, if you send them $7, they have. to send you something. And so we brought. it up. And you remembered it, too. Yeah, I did. And I remembered the hovercraft, too. And they're distinctly two. different things. So the submarine does. send you a submarine. What? But. apparently it's been very hard for. people to track down. And I found the. third point of singularity blog that was. it kind it looks like they went on a.

kind of hunt themselves and ultimately. found it. It's the other tab. Um and. this is what you end up getting. And. it's like a cardboard submarine. Oh my. god. Wait a minute. I swear to God that. kid looks like me. Yeah. I mean that's. what I looked like back in the day. He's. got the same bull haircut, the same um. look of just. uh defeat. A No. No. Uh no. I But that. Wait a minute. That I have to say looks.

more impressive than I thought. Really? Cuz I see just cardboard that's kind of. pinned together and certainly not going. to do well on the water. But isn't that. nice? He's using his imagination. Isn't. that the whole point? Does it fire? I. guess not. A missile. Okay. So, it's all. right. Okay. So, I don't know. I was. This is This is helping me. This is. actually This is therapeutic. This is. giving me some closure because. that's something. Yeah. You get inside. and it does close and it's got I mean,

seven bucks. I guess this is seven bucks. back then. So, now this would be the. equivalent of like $35. That's true. So, or $50. I don't know. Times have. changed. It's so funny. He looks so far. from water. I know. I mean, it's. like he's in the Midwest. There isn't a body of water for 800. miles. And he's like, "See you later.". For the listener, this looks like a.

cardboard submarine seated in the middle. of a big lawn. Yeah. And there's a fence. way in the backyard and then power lines. and all you can see is is just lawn and. no ocean. It's fun though. How fun is. that? Isn't that fun? If you're a little. kid, you don't you're not going to go to. the ocean and go in a submarine. That's. You know, I used to make things out of. boxes. I used to, too. I used to if if a. big box came in, it was just a done deal.

that either Luke or I would get to build. something with it. So, I don't know. I'm. I'm I am not disappointed by that. Me. neither. That actually looks. like looks better than I thought it was. going to look. Yeah, me too. I'm So, this this this I salute this company and. I think this should have been used by. the uh the military. The thing that I. more remember was this hovercraft. And. when I said last time that I thought it. was a kit, that's what the hovercraft. is. You were supposed to take your motor. out of your vacuum and build this.

hovercraft. So, let's go to the other. tab here. thrilled your parents when. they went to use the vacuum. Does this. look familiar to you? Lift 200 lb. Yes. Nothing about this looks familiar. And. then scroll down and you can see on this. blog. Wait, go back up to see what this. blog is named. This one's called Dwire. and Michaels. Okay. All right. This guy. actually built the vacuum. Okay. You can. And here's the order. Astronauts ironon. with with order. Okay. You can float on. air free. Lift 200 lb.

Um, so basically, yeah, a hovercraft you. could build. I remember this. Yeah. Now, scroll down and you can see that the guy. built it. Okay. Bunch of other ads. Oh, boy. That's That's it. He's building it. Yeah. Okay. Well, there you go. And then. Yeah, play that video. This is riveting. No, it's okay. You'll pull this up. And. by the way, I've got nothing better to. do. Pretty good. Look at that. What weighb.

my way. Oh, I know this website. It's called Bad. Use of Your Time. Well, I was supposed to do dialysis. today, but I figured I'll build this. hovercraft from the 60s. The air blows. down into the frame. The frame. distributes the air to all three pads, which helps lift it up. That's I mean, that's kind of cool. We can't get enough. air from a vacuum. Oh, I got him. He.

wasn't looking. But no kid that's, you. know, eight-year-old kid is going to be. able to build that. I guess it's a nice. project with your, you know, scout troop. leader or your dad. Um, big problem here. is you have to take the motor out of. your parents vacuum cleaner and uh that. was not going to fly in my house. No kid. from the 50s that took the motor out of. their vacuum cleaner would get away. unscathed. Also, how do you do that? How. do you just take a motor out of a. vacuum? Why do they think an 8-year-old. would even know how to do that? Okay. Yeah, I'm asking the real questions, but.

you guys are being nostalgic. Wait, we're here with you into this bus. Yeah, just cuz we don't answer every one. of your questions. You stare at me. confused and I just don't know why I. hired you. That's an old That's a look. that's goes back to Don't think about. Don't think about it. 2008 question. We don't think about that. We just live. in the moment. Live in the moment. Um, well that you know what I have to say. there is closure here. Good. I now know. what rose bud means. I can uh I I that.

helped me. That helped me. How? Why? I. don't know. Because it was a mystery. that never got solved. It was an itch. that never got scratched. It was a. riddle that never had an answer. And now. you have shown me what it was. Do you. remember too like the X-ray goss? There. was also a thing where you could go from. being a scrawny little kid to a big kind. of like buff guy. And there's a little. picture of of the tough guy kicking sand. on the little guy in the beach. Yeah, those are called steroids. That's called.

That's called juicing. I don't know what. they were what they were promising. They. were just probably sending you a booklet. that says, "Yeah, take two soup cans. from mom's kitchen and start using them. to make a bicep." But I um now we know. what that is, which is medical grade. chemicals. Yeah. That will transform. your body. And I ought to know cuz I'm. on them. Yes. How how long you been on. them? Uh, sadly, I've been on them for. my entire life. Oh, no. What would you. have looked like?

I'd have had no skeletal. structure. Um, well, that was fun. That. that Thank you for doing that. That that. uh that helped me and I hope it helped. everyone else who listens from my. generation who remembers that. Sona, you. seem confused. I am completely confused. But I also I mean I think that every. generation has like toys and stuff that. like kind of dup you. Yeah, exactly. What was yours? McDonald's Monopoly. Well, that's different cuz that was. Rick. But I was thinking of the spy.

techch gear. Do you guys remember the. spy tech stuff? It was like a bunch of. gear that they sold to kids that was. supposed to help you sp like be a better. like there was a mirror periscope. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. like a microphone or like a. not a microphone but something you held. up so you could hear things from further. away and so and it didn't work. I don't. I think we bought a bunch of it. I don't. think any of it worked. Were you doing. actual spying for the government? On our. neighbors. Oh, we would go around our. neighbors, hide behind bushes and try to. spy on them. Do you ever hear anything. juicy? Yeah. No.

Hey, they're Armenian, too. We all live in this neighborhood. What. about you? Uh what did you mention? Yeah, I mentioned McDonald's Monopoly. Although to Sona's point, it was it's. been explained now through documentaries. that it was all a scam. But as a kid, you know, you were sold on the promise. of like, oh, if I just buy a bunch of. fries and we keep eating at McDonald's. and we get these little game pieces, we. can win a mansion or, you know, some. really cool prizes and you're just. constantly after the chase. The real win.

there is the health that you got from. the prize. Our generation reminds me of. the Columbia House Records. Yes, I was. thinking that too. Like a penny for like. 19 CDs. for one penny. You know, I have to say. all of these things are true. disappointments. The sub is looking. pretty good now that you mention I mean. and I'm just saying I'm happy because. the one I dreamed about the most. actually uh appears to be somewhat. valid. Would I take it deep into the.

North Atlantic and attack a Russian sub? Probably not. But that kid seemed pretty. happy. That kid could have been you. Yeah, that kid could have been me. Yeah. And then maybe in some other, you know, um fold in time that kid is me, you. know. Well, this has been a strange end. to any conversation. I'm going to sign. off now, but uh Dreams Deferred will. continue. It's the new segment.