Maria Bamford & Conan Talk About Money | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

now we're in an interesting time as we. record this because the writer strike is. going and so money let's talk about it. well wow you really lit up right oh my. God yeah oh people are fighting over. money and all kinds of stuff and so but. one of the uh things about the writer. strike is that there's this rule that um. and and we all want to do the right. thing that podcasts you know can't. promote certain projects but I am. allowed to talk about books that I love. that people have written and that's why. I wanted to talk to you because you've.

written a book sure I'll join your cult. and which is a fantastic title sure I'll. join your cult by Maria Bamford and uh. you are adored you are a beloved uh. stand-up comic and you wrote a fantastic. book and I just wanted to say start off. by saying congratulations and to. everyone listening right now go get this. book it's fantastic and there's so much. to talk about here because your whole. career has been you are so open about. about what you've been through and man.

you've been through a lot listen I like. to uh well monetize uh self uh real yeah. I I like telling everybody everything. and it turns out that's a cash cow uh so. so you going to say monetize your pain. well or just like you have you ever read. the book The Giving. Tree yeah yeah where um which I'm trying. to rewrite it as the giving condo uh but. all there was was the shade of the condo.

you can lay in the shade you can't come. in because you sold it to Russia but um. uh uh The Giving Tree the premise is the. tree gives everything until finally all. there is is a stump for the little boy. to sit on who is now an old man and uh. yeah I have nothing left to give except. you know stories I do like I like open. book accounting that's one of my last. things I have to give I'm a. multi-millionaire I am uh worth $3.5. million in assets so that's multi and uh. you know so I feel like and and my dad.

passed away which means uh he was a. physician uh I am white it was. generational wealth uh so I'm I'm doing. okay over here and I think the one thing. I have to give is full you know. open full disclosure yeah because I love. companies that do that chobana yogurt. where they to they taught everybody in. the company got to take accounting. classes and then find out what. everything in the uh yearly report means. uh so there's actually some way you can.

argue for a raise or to go oh that's why. I'm paid that amount I'm listening yeah. yeah listen I go a different route than. chabani see I go more of a I don't know. what's say Vladimir Putin rout yeah it's. no one's. business uh how much wealth there is in. the walls of the Kremlin no Mysteries. Mysteries uh yeah if people ask any. questions they just go away yes yes.

there's a lot of poison poison in the. muffins yeah oh by the way gorle have a. muffin wipe my door knobs before I use. them and I put that in the book like I. put in a a financial bit of like a. because I on that I find this stuff. fascinating and not because I know. anything like I'm I don't know anything. about money nor do I know if I'm doing. the right thing or the wrong thing uh. but it is such an emotional topic I find. it you know people get so mad or so.

embarrassed or so ashamed including. myself like every time I see my. accountant I'm just. like doesn't matter what they're saying. you know oh you're in the same amount. how dare you like I it doesn't yeah it. it's the emotions uh don't match uh the. numerics it's interesting it it flips. can flip so quickly from the the the. flip between gratitude that you have. something and rage that you don't have. more of that thing is so instantaneous.

and it's such a human thing yeah there's. somebody asking have have you ever been. asked to do something for free oh yeah. which sometimes you know if I think like. sometimes let's say and this is a. current uh shtick I'm working on but uh. Grimace who I I know Grimace uh is a it. doesn't even matter who the person is. but sometimes you get a text from a. famous person at around midnight uh on a. Saturday night who says you know in sort. of a business you up and and let's just.

say it was Grimace which is the limal. space between the Hamburglar and mayor. MC cheese yeah I remember Grimace he was. love was he the he was the uh purple guy. purple but didn't he represent the. shakes the milk shakes well didn't they. just put out a Grimace Shake in. commemoration he's. having no he's definitely doing well. Grimace is finally having his moment. yeah and I love Grimace um but then uh. Grimace at hey do you want to work on. this thing tomorrow and wait a minute. Grimace the character from McDonald's. it's a placehold a placeholder for.

someone I know Vladimir Putin oh I let. just say it's Vladimir you could have. just said someone I know why are we. talking about Grimace because it has to. have the weight and the celebrity and. the. authority and the fear involved anxiety. involved of meeting someone as powerful. as Grimace face to face in your own. living room yes like there's some sort. of like your knee shake a little bit you. and I basically and I also the minute. you said Grimace I know it's body you're. talking about but go ahead so I you know.

I texted all my friends in dtor. Anonymous which is a 12st program which. is a lot like uh Tony Robbins if Tony. Robbins uh was a small uh it was about. 49 and talk like this um anyways but uh. and I said you know what I really want. to get paid for this and uh so I asked I. asked grias for about 800 bucks and 300. bucks was to pay the venue that he. wanted to use in my neighborhood 100. bucks would be the tips for the bar EA.

to keep it quiet uh 100 bucks for the. person who we were going to Commander. into doing uh something with us and then. 300 bucks for myself because I have an. addiction to to clogs anyways this all. sounds by the way this all sounds very. reasonable reasonable yeah so now. Grimace who I. adore uh I think the way he paid out the. money was in hundreds in a very slow. fashion pass of aggressive yeah in a way. that suggested he did not have the money.

and uh I know that's not true can't. possibly be true no Grimace I mean all. that money from the shakes and I mean. it's not Grimace but you know we yeah. Grim is on Cameo he's got to be billions. served right so I just yeah it's that. kind of thing where I think I need to. have empathy for grimas because. obviously they're hurt like they're hurt. by me asking for money like there's. something offensive in me asking for. money and then you know and also I'm it.

it's just. interesting was it for a charitable. event no no oh okay that's so different. I do a lot of things uh and I don't want. to you know shoot my own horn but I give. and give and give um so many charitable. causes but that I get I understand sure. I'll show up and and and do the thing. and here is my argument with Charity. kicks I am often asked by a fan uh the. people they're trying to get money from. are not fans.

uh they are very wealthy people in Napa. Valley or somewhere where I recently did. a benefit and bombed uh so hard uh. because people in Napa Valley they've. had some wine they don't want to hear. about schizophrenia research in my Chunk. on suicidal uh ideation they would like. to have uh how Mandel come up as soon as. possible um and that's why that's why I. refuse to do benefits cuz I I just I. just think it's I'm hurting people I got. to a point and there's no way around it.

but tell me if you agree performing for. people who are. eating I that's just something that when. I hear chewing and I hear silverware and. gulping when I'm trying to tell a joke. that I sweat it over I I'm very unhappy. thanks a lot. gordley G's also eating a massive. cobbler right now with a big wooden. spoon yeah it feels sad and if there's I. mean I don't know if if some people are.

enjoying themselves for me uh I feel. like it's like a a gig where it's like. combat Duty where I'm like taking a. bullet yeah are for somebody and so it's. like it's unnecessary and everybody's. suffering.