Kevin Nealon (FULL EPISODE) | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Hi, my name is Kevin Nean and I feel. [music]. Let me try that again. [laughter] It's. Kevin Nean, right? Okay. [cough]. [clears throat]. Hi, my name is Kevin Nean and I feel. duped about helping Conan O'Brien. Sorry. >> How did you help me? How did you help. me? It's with being Conan O'Brien's. friend. >> It's subliminal. It's.

subconscious. >> You didn't I didn't dup you. >> You are here to promote. >> I wish I knew there was homework. I. would have done this at home. >> All right, hang on a second. >> No, no, no. I want all of this in, by. the way. I want all of this in. >> I feel blank about being Conor O'Brien. I think the right answer. What is the. right answer? >> There is no right answer. >> Okay. >> They're just what you feel inside. But. you're an empty man. You're an empty. medicine cabinet. [laughter] I feel. >> Hi, my name is Kevin Nean and I feel.

obligated about being O'Brien's. [laughter] friend. >> You know, I. >> I do feel that way. I feel like you do. have no friends. >> Uh, okay. Well, first of all, that's a. terrible thing to say. I know you'll. take it back eventually. >> Is there any more print on here or just. >> take that piece of paper away from you? [music]. >> Hello, Conan O'Brien here. Welcome to. another installment. I call them. installments occasionally. >> That's nice. Conan O'Brien needs a. friend and uh wonderful show. Today I'm. sitting here with Matthew B. Gorly.

>> No. >> No. >> No. >> What is your middle initial? >> Every time. This is like the forgotten. time. >> I just want the initial. I don't want. >> J. Okay. I like B. B. I like to put B. I. wish I was Conan B. O'Brien. >> I'm afraid to hear what you think the B. might stand for. Like. >> for you? >> Yeah. >> Oh, wow. Brigadier. >> I'll take it. >> Yeah. Okay. What about for you? Uh, it. would be bestest. of all, I guess. No, >> it'd be Conan Brian O'Brien.

>> Yeah, that's right. Conan Brian O'Brien. Um, do you know what my middle name is? >> Uh, what's it start with? >> It's a C. Christopher. >> That's right. Yeah. Conan Christopher. O'Brien. Um, and for a while. >> Conan Christ complex O'Brien. [laughter]. >> Please. Please. That hasn't been proven. Only nine doctors have said that. [laughter]. I haven't gone to a tenth yet. I did. I. was in a writing class uh as a young man. and this woman came up to me and she.

said, "You're you uh you should be a. writer and your name should be Conan. Christopher." She kind of was telling me. that my last name sucked. >> You know, that was just and and you. know, it's a very it's such a common. last name. >> Yeah. >> For the Irish, it it basically is. >> whatever. It's a It's like the Smith of. Ireland, you know. So, um, she was. saying, "You should be Conan. Christopher." So, this could have been. >> Conan Christopher needs friend if I had. listened to this woman. >> That's interesting.

>> I don't know. Conan's so rare that it. kind of cancels it out. >> Yes, that's what I always thought. And. it allies with Conan. No, Brian. My dad. actually thought about these things a. lot. He wanted all of our names to. elide. Ooh, >> he wanted the uh he wanted con because. the last name was O'Brien. He wanted it. to end on a consonant. >> This is the kind of stuff my dad thought. about. >> I get it. Yeah. If you were. >> He never fed us. We never got food. >> But boy, does my first and last name.

elied. Thanks, Dad. >> But what's he got against alliteration? Because if you're Conan Christopher, that's got a nice ring to it as well. >> Yeah, but I think Conan O'Brien, it just. flows right through. Conan. No. An N. into a C doesn't isn't as good as an N. into an O. >> Conan no. Secretly, the only reason I've. had a long career in show business is. because my first and last name of Flo. Um, that's the only reason. We've looked. into it. People don't like my comedy.

[laughter]. and they really don't find me amusing. Uh, I'm an irritant, but they're just. like, "Oh my god, Conno, Ryan.". >> Yeah. Your name, when you really take it. on its own, doesn't quite. prepare you for what you're going to. get, >> right? Exactly. Exactly. I mean, enema. sounds nice, >> you know, and then you have one and. you're like, I don't ever want to do. that again. >> And polkitude sounds horrible, but means. beauty. >> Yeah. >> Yes. Yes. >> Yeah.

>> This is wonderful. Oh, by the way, if. you're wondering why uh. >> this conversation is so boring. >> No, no. Why Sona is so quiet, it's. because she wasn't able to join us for. the intro to the show. She's on her way. >> Um and she's going to be here. >> uh for uh the interview, but um she. couldn't be here. Uh I I don't know what. she's up to. You know, she's got a very. different life now. That's why you also. don't hear crinkling bags. >> Yeah, she usually has these crinkly bags. of snacks. >> Yeah, that's true. Can they make a. non-crinkle bag for podcasts?

>> They should. Uh, cotton. >> Cotton. So, you're eating Fritos. >> out of a cotton bag. >> Cotton bag. [laughter]. >> We should market that because, you know, there's so many podcasts. There's. hundreds and hundreds of thousands of. podcasts. Everyone's eating snacks. We. could market bags that you put your. snacks in that are made of a very soft. cotton. >> That's not a bad idea. And you know what. else is a good idea is we mentioned the.

um farm Jennifer Garner's pouch food for. children. >> and that's a perfect podcast food too. because it's quiet and you kind of just. suck it like soilent green. >> Yes. Yeah. I'm telling you gorly. I. don't know much but I know that this is. a a money-making idea. >> Yeah. >> Um soft cotton pouches so that podcast. hosts can enjoy snacks while they're. podcasting without that crinkle. >> A little snack purse. a little snack. purse that we market. And let's face it,

no one else is going to be able to copy. this idea. No one else can make. something out of cotton that holds no. >> chips or Fritos. >> We'll patent it. >> Exactly. We'll patent it. It's a bag. made of cotton. >> It's brilliant. >> And um the government, US government, the patent office will back us all the. way. >> And what we do is we put the Conan. O'Brien Needs a Friend logo on there and. it says, you know, official podcast. snack purse. >> Yes. Yes. These will be available soon. If you see someone eating out of a a. cotton bag that doesn't have the Conan.

O'Brien logo on it, you know that it's a. bootleg. >> Smack it out of their hand. >> Smack it out of their hand. Um and then. physically attack them. >> Yeah. And don't worry about someone. seeing you do it because no one will. hear you do it. Yeah. And so they won't. >> When you snap When you smack a this soft. cotton bag out of someone's hand, it's. going to make this sound. >> Yeah. >> That's it. You want to hear it again? >> Yeah. >> What? I didn't hear anything. You. bastard. You're That's a bootleg. That's. a bootleg cotton bag. I'll show you.

>> That was my grandmother's diamonds. >> Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were eating. I thought you were eating corn chips out. of a bootleg cone and cotton. >> I was eating diamonds. >> You were eating? Wait a minute. Why are. you eating? Is this Marathon Man? Is. this the ending of Marathon Man? Why are. you eating diamonds out of a cotton bag? What's your problem? And your. grandmother's diamonds yet? [laughter]. What kind of sick freak are you? >> Good question. You know, I've never.

thought about it. I have a real problem. >> That's your improv. Good question. I've. never thought about it. I've got a. problem. >> You're right. Thank you for pointing it. out. I appreciate that. >> That's funny. I love it. I would love to. see you at an improv show and that's. what you do every time. Wait a minute. A. a a a telephone that's really a banana. What are you doing? You're right. It. never occurred to me. I have a problem. And scene. Curtain comes down.

>> Why would I try to call someone on a. banana? [laughter]. >> That's the ninth sketch you ended in a. row, gory, with You're right. I have a. problem. >> The world is upside down. >> All right. >> Okay. >> We got to get into this. Uh I'm. delighted. This uh you know, we say. Conor O'Brien needs a friend. This. gentleman is my friend. Uh and I've. known him for a long time and I adore. him. My guest today is a hilarious. comedian, a good friend of mine. He was. a cast member on Saturday Night Live and. starred in the Showtime series Weeds.

Now he has a new book, I Exaggerate My. Brushes with Fame. Uh he's been on our. program before and he's a favorite. So. I'm so thrilled he's back. I'm so. excited he's here. Kevin Nean, welcome. [music] Listen. to me. All right. That's great. >> You um. you often [sighs]. come to me and ask me for favors and I. always do them.

>> I'm You know what? You're right. >> Is that true? Is that true? >> I Every time I ask you, I go, "He's. going to draw the line here. He's He's. not going to do this." And yet time and. time again, >> I met you in uh the woods to to shoot. your Kevin Yuan takes a walk. >> Uh. >> it's it's hiking with Kevin. Thank you. >> Oh, sorry. I think cuz subliminally I. wish you would take a walk um to shoot. this your podcast. You had me meet you. early in the morning and you trudged me. all around the place and I thought I was. a real good sport about it. Uh.

you're taking a stop sipping. What are. you sipping? >> Tell me something I don't know. >> Okay. >> Did you you don't think I knew you. weren't a good sport? >> You use me. You use me all the time. And. then you you act as if you're obligated. to be here on the podcast today. >> I don't act like it. I am obligated. >> No, you're here to promote your book. I'm helping you get the book. >> I brought the book cuz I thought you. would have some nice reading material. here since it's [laughter] so slow.

>> I don't I don't know that you're a good. friend. I honestly don't. I pictures in. there, too, if you don't feel like. reading. [laughter]. >> Okay. Um, we're going to get to the book. because I have some problems with the. book. Namely, uh, it's all these iconic. people in television that you've worked. with. And okay, now he's doing visual. bits. >> Uh, let me just. >> That's not a visual bit at all. >> Yeah, you're having you're drinking. coffee with a straw [laughter] while you. drink water out of a glass. >> You replay this. You'll hear it's. audible. I was slurping the saw the.

straw. >> Um, >> all right. Come on. Let's get down to it. here, man. >> You know, you. >> you think I can stay here all day? >> No, I don't think so. I don't think you. should stay here all day. >> So, yeah, you went on the hike with me. I appreciate that. The show's Hiking. with Kevin is premiering October 27th as. the new season 4. >> How did you think our episode went? >> I haven't edit it yet, >> but I'll fix it in post. [laughter]. >> Fix it. I thought it was fantastic. I. was uh. >> You were good. You lagged behind a. little bit if I recall correctly. >> Well, you kept making me stop because.

you had a drone that you brought that. you operated to get overhead shots. You. kept making me stop so that you could. unfold and then apparently for the first. time work this drone to take. overhead shots of us taking a walk cuz. everyone wants to see the top of our. heads while we walk through a forest. And then you'd say, "Stop. Stop. Turn. around. Okay, come back this way now. Come back. Now look like you're looking. to the right. Now look like you're. looking to the left. Now come forward.".

And we were on a public path and it's. very clear that you're not allowed to. have drones in this area. And old ladies. were coming by on their morning hike. And you'd say, "Watch out. Watch out. Watch out." [screaming] They'd be like, "Oh, wait. Oh, is it a hawk?" No, no, not a hawk. Keep moving through. Come. on. Let's go, ladies. It was the least. pleasant hike I've ever taken. [laughter] How dare you?

>> How dare I? >> I went on my out of my way to have a. hike with you cuz I felt bad for you and. obviously you had no exercise. [laughter]. >> No, no. The drone is really a great. addition. That's like you having a mic. for your show. >> I don't see. >> I'm not I'm not finished with the, you. know, with the defense of the drone. >> Okay. >> Um the drone is amazing and it's amazing. to to watch and editing. I'm serious. about this because the guests are just. standing around like they're checking. their phones. [laughter]. >> Yes, cuz you bully them.

>> But you take a look. You take a look and. you see the increased value and um. attraction to the show from the drone. >> Okay. Well, it stops. We got every time. we got a nice conversation going, you. would say, "Hold it. Stop. Unpack this. metallic suitcase. Unwind and un, you. know, fold.". >> What nice conversation are you talking. about? We would had we had some nice. chats going on. I thought [laughter]. I thought we had a nice comedic role. going and you kept stopping it. >> I think when I when we said goodbye to.

each other, that was a nice. conversation. >> You said thanks. This will do. Turned on. your heels. >> I said, "Thanks. This will barely do.". >> This will barely do. That's right. And. then I think you went and had coffee. with the drone. I think you you. >> know where that drone is? You know where. that drone is right now? >> Where? It's in some dumpster because I. crashed it. >> I crashed it into a tree and it it was. like a high tree and it was falling, hitting branch by branch. [laughter] And. I'm thinking to myself as it's falling, okay, it might it might be okay. It.

might be [laughter] okay. And there's. one rock under that tree, one big rock, and it hit that rock. >> Uhhuh. >> And it just scattered everywhere. >> Yeah. Well, we should um [laughter]. >> This is all Hiking with Kevin. Hiking. with Kevin's a terrific show. >> No, it's a it. >> it's a great show. It's a great show. Um, >> and you know, I it's I get different um. guests like yourself and I think when. you're hiking outside, people let their. guard down. >> Not you though, but most people let. their guard down and they're very um, you know, forthcoming.

>> Yeah. I had a trouble putting my guard. down because I kept dodging the drone as. it got very close to my face. >> Do you want to hear a true story? I was. hiking. >> Finally. Yeah, sure. >> Okay, forget it. >> No, no, let's let's go. Let's hear a. story. I was hiking with Kim Basinger. >> and I almost flew the drone into her. face. >> Oh god. >> Can you imagine if I had done that. >> how fast I would have been running out. of there? >> Well, that's the other thing. I think. your instinct shouldn't have been to. run. It would be to help Kim in that. moment and give her I call her Kim cuz.

we're close. >> Yeah. >> Um and uh name a star I'm not close. with. >> How many people do you know? Have you. ever counted? >> Very few. >> No, you've been everywhere. >> I've been everywhere and I've met. everyone. And you and you. >> but do I who do I know? Who do I really. know? I mean, I've met a lot of people, >> but you're not that friendly. [laughter]. >> Uh, are you? Look at me. >> I think I am looking at you. I think I. >> for one minute. Look at me. >> I think I am a friendly fellow. I really.

do. Sona, jump in. Do you think I'm a. friendly fellow? >> I want to take Kevin's side. >> Okay. You know what we're going to do? >> First of all, you're not a fellow. We're. going to um. >> we're gonna just pretend I didn't throw. a Dona or is there a way we can edit in. a you sure are boss? >> I don't know. How do you Why did you. think that would turn out differently? >> I don't know. I think I am a friendly. chaparoo. I really do. >> Do you think you're a good listener? >> I didn't hear a word. [laughter]. >> I. have tentitis.

>> It's the bits they're getting. >> The straw bits are fantastic. >> Do you have a good memory? Uh, I think I. do. Sure. >> All right. And you a good listener? >> I'm a good listener. >> I'm going to give you a date. >> Okay. >> October 27th. >> Mhm. Yep. >> 20202. >> Yep. >> What's happening on that date? >> That is the date that you are doing. something to help you. >> I'm going to guess [clears throat] it's. the date. >> not just me but other people as well.

And I'll explain. >> Okay. Go ahead. >> No. Well, what's the date first? Well, I. think we both know that it's a day where. Kevin Nean is going to do a lot to get. his own name out there under the guise. of. >> helping others. >> What is it? >> What is that? >> I don't know, honestly. >> Oh my god. So, you know, right? >> No, >> it's a benefit. >> It's hiking with Kevin. It's premiering. the fourth season. >> Oh, yeah. That's. >> Why do I even bother coming here? >> Can you say that again and we can drop. that in? No. Cuz I want to make sure. Kevin looks good. >> No. And yes, I do hike with people that.

are very nice to do it and they don't. complain or make me feel guilty. And. it's it's helping them too cuz it's. exercise. And I've I've started so many. people on hiking. You know, people start. hiking. >> I canceled my trainer to go hike with. you and end up standing in a forest. while you assembled and disassembled a. drone. >> I didn't realize. >> So I got less exercise with you than I. would have had I blown off the Hiking. with Kevin show. And now listen, people. listening right now are thinking these. two don't like each other. And I want to. make it very clear. >> Oh my god. Not not in the least sense.

>> I want to make it very clear. I look at. me. I love you. >> I love you. You're. >> I love you more. If you should die today. or even tomorrow, I [laughter] would. >> wait. Is it today or tomorrow? I'd like. to know. >> Hopefully today. >> No, I'm kidding. I love you and I would. really I'm a little concerned about you. because I mean I'm not kidding around. I. said, who was I talking to the other. day? Do [snorts] you remember? [laughter].

>> I don't. I don't. >> I I was thinking that Conan man, he just. doesn't stop. What is he running from? >> Or what is he running to? >> What is he running to? >> Yeah. >> What is it that you're trying to do? What are you trying to What kind of void. are you trying to fill? >> Uh this is a I'm looking at you. I'm. looking at you. I think that's uh an. incredibly deep question. Uh I think. it's a fair question. I think like a lot. of us, I have things to work out. Uh you. yourself famously.

don't connect. [laughter] You you often. don't look at me over the years. Uh you. are a guy that internalizes a lot. >> How can I look at you when I read about. you all the time and I see you. everywhere? Posters, billboards, you know, stickers, banksy pictures of. you on the side of like, you know, broken down buildings. Well, first of all, they put them on. broken down buildings because they erase. them if you put them on like a city.

bank. Yes, I suppose I've become. somewhat of an iconic figure. I accept. >> you. Actually, you are iconic. >> I know. >> You know, when you die, which may be. soon. Um, >> it's either today or tomorrow. >> I swear Banks is going to do pictures of. you everywhere. >> Yeah, I hope so. >> And um. >> I hope so. >> And you're going to be a legend one day. >> Mhm. Not now. Some people say that I'm a. legend right now. But don't you have to. be dead to be a legend? >> I can be legendary right now. >> I think you can be legendary while. you're still alive. >> Yeah. Legendary. But a legend, you.

think? >> Sure. Yeah. >> And what? How so? >> Well, oh god, he's taking another sip. You know, it's a it's a visual this is a. audio medium and you're doing visual. stick. >> I'm not I'm not looking for laughs. I'm. just behaving as as I would, >> you know, >> in front of an iconic legend. >> I um I give you every opportunity. I try. and connect with you. I'll tell you one. thing you do that I do find very. revealing. You tend I get texts from you cuz you. live around the corner from me. And the.

text say, "I'm hiking past your house. right now. Do you want to join me?" But. I don't get the texts in real time and. you give me no notice. So you refuse to. make a plan to take a non-filmed. hike with me. You'll take a hike and. then you'll text me as you're walking. past my house. >> It's not filmed, but I do have the drone. with me. [laughter]. >> But I I'm curious about that. I think. it's because you don't really want to.

take a walk with me. You want to make. look like you're making the effort, but. you text as you're passing. I don't. think you can make a plan to be social. >> First of all, you say I'm hiking past. your house. You make it sound like we're. in the woods and you live in a cottage, >> you know, up in some trail. >> Okay. >> But no, I'm just walking by your house. >> Was that gas you just had right now? What happened? No. >> What's happening right now? >> That was I had gastric bypass this. morning. >> This morning? >> Yeah. On the way home. >> And you still kept this appointment. [laughter] to be here. >> Do you know I was 350 lbs when I left my. house today? >> I know that they took the walls down to.

get you out. >> They had Hey, what about those people. that are those plus sizes that can't get. out of bed? >> Yeah. That's rough. >> Do they build the house around them? Is. that how they get in there? >> No. I think the idea is that they gain. the weight while they were in the house. >> Oh, I see. >> Yeah. I don't think a contractor comes. and and builds the house around that. >> You don't think they came in through the. garage? >> Um, [laughter]. >> look at me. >> You know, I'm. seriously. >> tell about yourself. >> Uh,

[laughter]. >> my name's Conan O'Brien. Uh, >> I first met you, of course, Saturday. Night Live. >> You were very nice to me. Uh, I famously. told Lauren, "You're my favorite cast. member.". >> I never knew that. >> Yeah, you did. I told you that. and he. frowned. >> Famous cast member. >> My favorite. You're my favorite cast. member. >> Cast member or standup? >> No, you're you're my favorite cast. member on SNL. I told Lauren that. He. said, "Which and which is your. favorite?" And I said, "I I think I like. Kevin the best cuz he's.

>> very Take it easy. I'm getting there. [laughter]. You can't even let me compliment you. I. said a lot of nice things. >> I feel uncomfortable. I feel. uncomfortable when someone's talking. nicely about me.". >> Okay. Well, let's go back to the other. way. >> I'll tell you why. Because deep down, you know you're not worthy of it. >> Wow, that is so true. >> Yeah. You know that you're just a bully. >> But when I came here, [laughter]. >> when I came interrupter, >> when I came to your show, I thought to. myself, this is a show I am worthy for.

>> Yeah. >> Even though everything else [laughter] I. >> But um. >> you finally found a bar low enough. Good. for you. You have the most. [snorts] upscale podcast studio. I mean, these cameras on the wall. Yeah. Got a. two-way mirror over there. Who knows. who's behind that? >> Whom or who's? >> It's a jury of your peers sitting behind. that. >> You ever do jury duty? >> I've tried, but they uh always ask me to. leave. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> And what if you're what if you're the.

defendant? Can you leave? >> No. You if you're the defendant, you. have to stay. That's another bit with. the straw. Um, have you. >> They call these bits. >> Have you done jury duty? >> Um, no. I've tried many times. >> Yeah. They don't like it when a known. person is on the jury. Sometimes they. think it's distracting. >> So, you did jury or No, >> I tried. >> several times in New York and LA. >> I heard. >> I So, you've done jury duty and you. really favorite. I love it. I've been on. a jury twice.

>> Really? >> Yeah. Once was a hung jury, the second. one was guilty. And it was It's fun. You. You get an hour and a half for lunch. You could leave at 4:30, you know, get. there at 10:30. >> This is what they had in mind when they. set up our judicial system was Sona's. comfort and snack schedule. I ran into a. cop once and I said, "Is it true if you. get a ticket and you don't pay, you say. you want to go to court, the cops. usually don't show up, especially on a. holiday or close to a holiday.".

>> Mhm. >> So, when you got that DI DUI last time, you should have kept that in mind. What happened there? Did you have You. just had a a mental I think a synapse. snapped right there. You went that. happens. You should keep that in mind. [laughter]. It's time to keep it in mind. >> Do you always make fun of people's uh. you know inac inadequacies? [laughter]. >> I am. Now this is you're you're falling. apart. You're an ATM on the fritz. What's happening Kevin? Are you having a. rough day?

>> You know, I was driving over here and I. think I can't wait to see Conan. >> Mhm. I've changed my mind about that. [laughter] I really have. >> Why is it that every time we come on. here, it's just back and forth. >> Why can't we just be real? >> It's like a marriage. No. >> Yeah, >> it's not. >> Speaking of which, uh, your wife, >> right? Isn't she the best? I am so. lucky. I am so, so lucky. She's smart. She's beautiful. Beautiful. >> Talented. >> Talented. She's so supportive. Unlike. some people I know.

>> I know. My wife never helps me out. Oh. >> Oh, god. >> Always. Oh, was that what we were. talking about? >> No, >> no, no. We both married Well, you got to. admit, we both did very well. >> We married, what do they call it? Up. Uh, >> we married up. >> Up. Yeah, >> we both married up. >> Yeah, >> we're two uh guys that no one would. probably want to hang out with for very. long. I'm sorry. I'm including myself. >> Do you think you're insecure? Basically, I'm serious right now. Do you think. you're insecure? >> How do I know you're being serious? You're you're a shape shifter. >> I'm not stuttering. >> Wow, that's a good tell. Basically.

insecure. I think I have been in my. life. I think less so now than I was. maybe earlier in my life. You. >> ever watch a Daredevil on uh the. [clears throat] Disney Plus? >> I [laughter]. You're the worst therapist. >> Wait a minute. Let's Let's see where I'm. going here. >> Yeah. Do you know where Let's see where. I haven't seen the Daredevil on Disney. Plus. >> Just called Daredevil. >> Okay. Sorry. I haven't seen Daredevil on. Disney Plus. >> That's like saying uh the Superman. >> Yeah. Or the Batman. Oh, wait. That's.

what they call the Batman. ran out of. titles. >> Anyway, >> and let me ask let me tell you why I. asked you about the Daredevil. I just. started watching it. My son got me kind. of hooked up. >> It's just Daredevil. >> Daredevil, uh, the TV show. >> Mhm. >> Is about a guy who was blinded as a. child, >> but he has all the other senses are like. increased, you know, super senses. That's why uh when you asked me what was. it, [laughter]. >> what just happened?

Anyway, my sense he's able to tell if. somebody is nervous or scared just by. listening. He could hear the heart rate. And that's what I did before. Whatever. it was you said what it was to me. [laughter]. >> This is a total disaster. >> You You terrible. You in I love it. You. interrupt. You take over and then you. don't know where to go and then you get. lost. >> It's I don't. >> It's incredible. Nothing has happened. yet. >> I know. Help me. We have been talking. for about 20 minutes and I defy you. I.

defy our listeners to find three. consecutive minutes that means anything. [laughter] that has any continuity. that builds to any conclusion. [laughter] If you have been listening to. me, you would find a lot of continuity. But no, you're off on a rant about the. drone, about me stuttering, about, you. know, continuity issues. You're not. listening. You're in your [laughter] own.

little head. >> I I'm going to try you again. Why is. this date so important? October 27th. >> It's when Hiking with Kevin premieres. >> Yes. >> Yeah. That's all you wanted to get to. What about Let's talk about You have. this book. >> Oh, now you're talking my talk. [laughter]. You're quite a good artist and um I. think you did a uh series of really. fantastic Did you see these Sona? They're really. >> I'm seeing them now. >> They're really incredible. They're. amazing. Uh you tell stories. You write.

these sort of essays about all these. people that you've encountered in show. business. And these are really. fantastic. >> Christopher Walk, >> you guys are so nice. >> I'm sorry for what happened before. >> What I did Yeah. Now that I'm pro, you're happy when I'm promoting your. wares. really iconic people in here. >> Um, uh, since this is Audible, Conan is. looking at my new book that's coming out. October 25. Conan, uh, >> it's called I Exaggerate My Brushes with. Fame. >> It's a collection. I started painting.

uh, well, I've done multimedia. Started. a couple years ago and I've always loved. to draw. You're actually in the front of. this. >> I saw more of a sketch. And. >> yeah, you didn't you didn't uh, you. didn't give me like a real portrait. No, I didn't because I've seen a lot of. caricatures of you and I've been into. your office and there's so many. paintings. I thought he won't even. appreciate this. >> Oh, I would have. But look, this is one. you did of me in 1992. >> Yeah. >> So, this is before I got the late night. show and you did this charact.

>> right here. Isn't that cool? >> And there's another one of you in there. Can you find it? >> And I remembered No, I don't think there. is. >> No, it's in the front. >> Huh? >> Yeah, it's like one of those. Anyway, um. I've love. >> I've only see one. I love to flip the. page back. >> A beautiful. >> woman. >> No. No. Flip back. >> Back. Back. Okay. Jesus. >> No. >> No. I guess I'm wrong. How about go. forward now? >> No. There's no other one of me. There's. just that one. >> All right. No. Go back again. >> No. Go forward. >> Okay. Stop it. >> Anyway, so so let me you you asked me.

I'm going to tell you. I started, you. know, I've been an artist most of my. life. >> You know, I started doodling people when. I was a really young kid. And then when. I get to SNL during the table read, I. would sketch people in the margin of the. script that I wasn't in and I didn't. care about. >> Mhm. >> And uh whoever was sitting across from. me, it could be Farley or Dana. So, [clears throat]. and then I started sketching people on. airplanes. You'll see some of those. sketches in the beginning. It's called I. Exaggerate My Brushes with Fame. And uh. [laughter]. >> we've plugged that. We plug the book.

>> Here's the cool thing about the book, Conan. >> Uhhuh. >> It's going to make a great gift because. it comes out around the holidays. >> [laughter]. >> But check with your doctor. So, uh, >> can I ask you something, Sona? And I'm. going to ask Eduardo to jump in, too. Have you guys noticed that he's. completely incoherent when we're just. trying to talk as normal human beings, but the minute he's promoting something, >> you are the most eloquent speaker since. Winston Churchill, suddenly you are this. great statesman, every thought nuanced.

uh, and packed with meaning. The book. also has antidotes next [laughter] to. next to the uh each painting and they're. they're little antidotes that kind of. relate to the person that I've drawn. >> It's called anecdotes. You keep saying. antidotes. >> No, antidotes. >> Antidotes. >> Anecdotes. >> There's medicine in there. [laughter]. That's what I'm saying. And there's a story that relates my. history with that person, my experience.

Um, unless I don't know the person, i.e. Freddy Mercury, i.e. meaning that is. and [clears throat] although if it's a. Freddy Mercury type, I will just. reminisce about being in a garage band. >> So you have people in here, you have. obviously Gary Chandling, who you were. very close to. And you know what's nice? Uh you reprinted your the eulogy you. gave for Gary. >> I did. >> Which was uh really beautiful and funny. and touching. One of the best I've ever. heard. And and so it's uh nice. >> that that's in here. You've got an.

amazing Howard Stern. This Christopher. Walkan. >> Oh yeah. >> Uh. >> that one jumped out at me. >> Painting is absolutely fantastic. Uh he. looks like a feral owl. >> But uh. >> he looks like a troll doll almost. >> Yeah. You've got Schwarzenegger who of. course you worked with back in the day. with Hans and Fron. >> Yes, my friend. That is correct. We. wrote the Hans and Fron uh movie was a. musical. >> Yes. And then it never was made. I have. no memory. I remember us, I think, being. on some lot uh writing it together. You.

kept coming in and at the time you were. only drinking health shakes, I think. Uh. you came in every day and you spent a. lot of time mixing powders in a giant. like baby bottle. Really? >> And then you would sip out of them and. you wore a tracksuit. Uh and. >> Oh, that's when I was training for the. Olympics. That's right. >> Yeah. Yeah. Um and. >> I never had a tracksuit in my life. >> You did? And you wore a tracksuit. >> I remember you were lying on the couch.

with your shorts on or maybe they were. briefs and you had no shirt on and I. think you sketched you. I sketched you. [laughter]. >> It's true. >> It's true. And I was wearing I remember. this. I was wearing the locket that Kate. Winslett has in Titanic. [laughter] I. remember that really well. >> That is true as well. >> Remember? And then we wanted to put it. in a a safe and then you and I went. running through the ship together. >> Oh yeah. Yeah. and Irish music played.

>> You're all about cash, aren't you? >> I need cash badly. I'm into I made a. >> I don't I don't really. >> I made some bets with some bad people. >> I don't really I'm not I'm very. comfortable where I am in life. My wife. is from old crypto, so um [laughter] you. know I I I don't really have to worry. about. you. Uh you're such an ass. You had one. of my favorite moments on our show that. was spontaneous where you were out on. the we were chatting together on the.

show. You were paneling. We were talking. and suddenly there was a low in the. conversation. Things got quiet for just. a second and you looked around. You. said, "Where is our waiter?". >> Uh, [laughter]. I know. I know. [applause]. [laughter]. >> I love that. That was You're so good. with silences. >> I guess you'd have to be. >> I, you know, no kidding around. I'm used. to silence.

>> Mhm. >> And as a stand-up comic, um, seasoned. stand-up comic, I don't mind silence. Mhm. As [clears throat] you're starting. off, silence is bad because you're. insecure and you feel like you have to. keep going. I've been silenced for like. a half hour on stage. [clears throat]. People don't say anything because they. know I'm formulating ideas and I'll be. coming back strong with something. >> or your mind is blank. >> or I'm just blanking out. >> Yeah. Because. >> which is the most. >> Yeah. >> common reason.

>> as we've seen today. Yeah. That there. could be issues. Um. >> what do you really want to do Conan? I'm. being really serious. Are you happy with. this? What is it? A podcast or is it a. web series or a podcast? >> I think we'd call it a podcast. >> By the way, my hiking show airs on. YouTube. >> Yeah. Uhhuh. We've talked about. >> No, we didn't talk about YouTube on my. own channel. I have a YouTube channel, believe it or not. >> Oh, congratulations. Are you happy with. that? >> Very happy. Very happy. >> Are you fulfilled? You should be. You're. one of the funniest people I know. You.

have, as I said, a lovely wife, uh, a a. very good-looking, uh, funny, intelligent son. You've got it all. >> You're right. >> Wait, >> why do I come here? >> Well, you're here to see me because I. know you admire me. I know that you. think I'm one of the uh all-time. funniest people you've ever met. Now, that's just, >> you know, you you really have to kind of. uh [laughter]. you really have to um assess the. situation. I have everything. Yet I. drive across town to come here.

>> Mhm. >> Because I'm worried about you. >> Oh, what are you worried about? >> Stress. Your stress level. >> Have you had like your What's your blood. pressure? >> Oh, my blood pressure is very good. I. don't know the numbers. I know. >> You taking like 20 pills, right? >> No, I don't have high blood pressure. I. went to my doctor a couple of days ago. True story. He took my blood pressure. and this is what they always say. Wow, nice. >> That's what doctors always say about my. blood pressure. I have very good blood. pressure. >> What's bad about you?

>> Well, I guess my intentions, >> my plans. >> How is your cholesterol? >> Cholesterol is okay. It's pretty good. >> You never hear wow nice about that? >> No, I don't hear wow nice cholesterol. >> Wow. >> No, I hear huh. Okay. [laughter]. I had my when I was on the uh Simpsons. Uh. >> wait for applause. >> Okay. [laughter]. and I worked on the Simpsons. and um they had a uh cholesterol a van. came to the Fox lot and everyone got a.

free cholesterol test and everyone went. and got their cholesterol. >> and I got mine. I was I think 24. It was. so high. >> that the nurse offered to walk me back. >> to the office. >> Yeah, it was like practically 300. >> What happened? Why was it that high? Uh. I think just uh I was uh very um and. it's funny it doesn't really I don't. think runs in my family. So uh they and. then someone told me that stress now you.

remember me back in the day. I was a. tightly wound. >> very tightly wound. >> guy uh who would rub the my fingers. together. I was I was burning I was a. burning coal. >> You have no fingerprints anymore. You've. rubbed them so many times. >> That's why I've committed so many. successful murders. Uh, but I believe. that uh stress was a big part of it. >> Oh, definitely. >> But I'm much better now. >> It's not genetic. >> No, I don't think it's genetic. >> Does it run in your family? >> No. I said that earlier and you weren't. listening.

>> Um, [clears throat]. what is the age? So, we're talking about. life and disease. So, I'm not just. springing a different topic on you. >> What is the age where people don't ask. when somebody dies, what happened? You. know, it's like, is it 82? >> I think you got to be well into your 80s. now. People live longer. Everyone says, "What happened?" Uh, my brother Neil. will say, "What happened if you know. Norman Lear just turned 100?" If he. lives another seven years and then.

passes away quietly in his sleep and I. call my brother Neil and say, "Norman. Lear passed away at 107." Neil's going. to go, "What happened?". >> Oh, he's like the only person. >> He does that. He does that every time. And I say, "Well, he was on his. motorcycle and he [laughter] ran into an. Exxon tank and it exploded.". >> Yeah. >> I mean, you know, I don't know what he. wants from me, but he always says, "What. happened?". >> Yeah. >> The person could be 95, 98. What. happened? What happened? >> What happened? >> Well, I think it's maybe 85 now with it. [clears throat] So, essentially, you. could kill somebody over 85. You can.

murder them and nobody will investigate. it. >> That's not true. Don't I I want to be. responsible. >> From my experience, it is. Well, I want. to be a responsible podcaster and I want. to say that that's not the case. >> That uh when the police show up and. there's an 88-year-old lying there. >> and there's a chainsaw halfway through. their head uh and a note that says, "I. finally got you. Haha. Enjoy hell.". [laughter] They're going to investigate. They're going to investigate. >> That's all natural causes right there. >> Not natural causes.

>> The note is not in the victim's. handwriting. And um there's a PS that. says I love to murder. [laughter]. >> Could be a comic. >> Okay, got it. >> Take a break. We'll be right back. >> Listen, you've met them all. [laughter]. >> You've met them all. You've met you met. Johnny Carson, obviously, and and you. got to be a guest on Carson's show. Of. course, there are a lot of young people. that don't understand the significance. of that, but that was a very different. time. If you went out on Johnny Carson, it was a huge deal and you were sort of.

anointed a star by just by being on his. show. >> Well, I never got a star. Do you have a star on the Hollywood Walk. of Fame? >> I I do not. I. >> Okay, good. Um, yeah. You know, it's. funny because Johnny Carson, [laughter]. can we be serious? Johnny Carson uh was. like the guy the talk show king. >> He was the only one really. >> He validated you as a comic. >> Yeah. >> And you'd have that on the top of your. bio. Yeah. You know, and then as time. went by, you lower it down the list of.

things you've done and then all of a. sudden you take it off because it dates. you. >> Yeah. >> And so Johnny Carson is no longer. [clears throat] on my resume. >> Really? I keep it on forever. >> You resume? >> I do. I re I refresh it every day. >> 8 by10. >> Yeah. I uh I'm always ready to go. I. have one in my trunk of my car just in. case things hit the fan. Who was the. first famous celebrity you ever met or. saw? >> I want to say it was James Coburn. We I. think we talked about this on an earlier.

episode of the podcast listening. Oh. >> Um I was a kid and he was uh James. Coburn. >> was uh shooting a movie. >> Charade? >> No, he was shooting a movie. >> Can I help you? >> You're not really. Uh, and they were. shooting a scene outside my dad's. hospital and my dad brought us all down. to watch. And uh, >> why was your dad in the hospital? What. did he have? >> He was a doctor. Yeah, he had a career. there. That's what he had. [laughter]. >> And um, yeah, my dad was in the hospital.

clinging to life. Saw James Coburn. >> Dragged out of dragged himself out of. the hospital uh, and uh, and made us all. come and then went back to his. operation. But anyway, we watched James. Coburn. He had to walk up to a car and. all he had to do was open the uh car. door and get in or and he went to do it. and uh the car door was locked and he. couldn't get in and then I watched the. crew spend 45 minutes with a coat hanger. trying to open it and I thought this is.

the business I want to be in. This is. magic. >> Do you want to know who I saw? >> Not really. I think I'm [laughter] good. >> Do you notice when somebody asks you a. question, they really want you to ask. them? >> Oh, I know. I know. >> You know, >> I don't care who you saw. No, I'm going. to play along. >> Somebody Sometimes somebody will say, "Wait, I'll get to it." Sometimes. somebody will say to me, "What do you. What do you If you can improve anything. with me, what do you think it should. be?". >> What they really want to say is, "I'd. like to improve some things about you. Ask me, you know, ask me to,

>> you know, what you would like.". >> The [clears throat] first celebrity I've. ever seen, uh, or famous person was John. F. Kennedy, believe it or not. >> How'd you see John F. Kennedy? I was. probably seven at the time and we lived. in Germany and he was uh I guess on his. way to Berlin and he was in. >> to give the famous speech. >> Yeah. >> Been in Berlin. Yeah. >> Why do you keep interrupting me? [laughter]. >> See what goes around comes around. >> I'm so um so we were at this Air Force. base cuz we knew he was going to be.

there and everybody was there and he. drove by in that Lincoln that. convertible Lincoln. He was waving and. we actually have a movie uh an 8. millimeter of him. >> You're kidding. Yeah. >> Color [clears throat] or black and. white? >> We colorized it. >> Nicely done. Nicely [laughter] done. >> With crayons. With crayons. Now, let me. finish. >> Crayons. Did you say crayons? >> Crayons. >> Crayons. >> Crayons. >> No. What is wrong with you? It's It's. crayons. >> How do you say Often? >> Often. >> Often. >> No. >> It's often.

>> No. No one says that. >> How could it be crayons and not often? >> Okay. I'm going to. >> The second celebrity I saw was Car Gary. Grant. >> Mhm. >> At the uh JFK. He was on the back of a. golf cart. >> Oh, I thought you said he was chasing. JFK. >> You thought? I said cuz you weren't. listening again. >> I thought JFK drove by and then JF and. Gary Gant was running [laughter] behind. him. HOLD ON A MINUTE. JFK, IT'S ME, CAR. JUDY. Judy Judy, [laughter] GIVE A FELLA. a lift.

>> I'm going to do something here that I've. never done before. Um, Eduardo, I want. you to step in because you're a neutral. observer here. Yes, sir. >> And I want you to do um I know there's. more. >> to come with this gentleman, Kevin Nean. Let me look at the page. Yeah, Kevin. Nan. Um, >> I want you to do. give us like the forensics on what's. happened here so far. Like an autopsy. Seriously, give us give us. >> No, no. I just I want because Sona's.

going to like she likes to I'm going to. get Conan, >> you know. I think it's all Conan's. fault. >> Do me a favor and tell me what you think. has happened here so far today. >> A a beautiful train wreck. >> This is a mess. [laughter]. This is a mess. >> Beautiful. Wait a minute. This is not. the Eduardo I know. >> Eduardo. Eduardo. Right. Am I right. about this? I mean, >> it's like when you're going down the. freeway and the accident happened on the. other side of the freeway and you just. can't take your eyes off of, you know, you shouldn't be looking, but you just. can't take your eyes off of.

>> See, you know, this is. >> Which one of us can't you take your eyes. off of? I mean, between your straw bits. >> Yeah, the straw bits are getting me. every single time. So, I'm not going to. just blame you. Both of you are children. in a defensive tried wait a minute. I. have tried several times to bring us. back to a a uh. >> No, you haven't. >> No, not at all. >> And and you know, I didn't say I tried. I didn't say I tried hard. >> You both are show suddenly you're the. mom with twins. [laughter]. >> You're the mom with twins. >> I'm suddenly concerned about my.

cholesterol. So, it's his show. He should be in. control. >> You're right. >> This is a This is an absolute Jackson. Pollock. There's paint splattered. everywhere, but someone's going to offer. to pay $35 million for this. Let's go. back and try it again and be serious. >> Okay. How are you, Kevin? How you doing? >> I'm fine, thank you, Con. >> You know, you want me to ask you that. question, don't you? Which [laughter]. question? >> The one, how are you? >> No, no, >> because you asked me that. I know you. want to hear it back. Why did. >> you do that right away? The. >> rails. You couldn't immediately. How are. you? >> You did that.

>> No, I haven't. I did not do it. >> You're um. >> There's nothing I've done. >> to see if there's anything here that I. can ask you, >> but I It's all a waste of time. I have. >> through notes. I just looked at him. once. No, because there's no point with. him. The funniest part of my day today. is when Maddie handed me notes for Kevin. Nean [laughter] and I thought notes for. Kevin Nean. That's like, oh, here's uh. here's some sample questions [laughter]. that you could ask Charles Manson and. he'd BE LIKE HE BOP. I'LL GET YOU, MAN,

WITH THE SASQUATCH ON THE HALF SHELL. YEAH. SO, ANYWAY, you were born IN. MINNESOTA. HE BOP BOP SHIBOO. I'M COMING. AT YOU NIGHTF STYLE. [laughter]. So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm. dealing with a total you are a random. ionized uh molecule zipping around. I. don't know what to do. >> Let me give you two dates. October 25. >> October 257. October 25 would be the. release of the book. >> Yeah. What's the book called?

>> It's called I Exaggerate My Brushes with. Fame. >> Yeah. Hard cover. >> Available everywhere. >> Yes. >> You could pre-order it now, as a matter. of fact. Well, I wouldn't. And. >> there's also signed editions. Go ahead. >> I've got a free one. >> When was the hiking show premiere? >> October 27th, 2022. You get to see um. amateur drone shots of Conan O'Brien and. Kevin Nean taken from I think 35,000 ft. So, if [laughter] you can spot us, God. bless you. And if you stick around, the. the drone crashes because it's operated.

by the star of the show, which is. absurd. I don't know why you don't have. someone helping you. Why don't you have. someone helping you? I I say the same. thing about you. Why don't you have some. help? Ask for help. You need help. >> I'm surrounded by help. >> No, no, no. What do you mean? >> Like Eduardo said, he considers you a a. wreck. A car wreck. >> No. No. [laughter]. >> He was talking about you, right, Eduardo? [laughter]. >> Not quite what I meant, but. >> what do you want from these. conversations? >> Okay, that's more like I want to hear.

from you. I want to get down to it. >> Okay. And finally, you've cracked the. shell a little bit. >> Okay. What do you want from our. friendship? Because we are friends. I do. care about you. >> I want more time with you. >> It's like every time I call you to go. for a hike or a walk, no, you call me at. the last minute. >> Well, but you you have to admit you do. contact me as you're walking past my. house. Why not even give me a half. hour's head notice or the night before? >> Because I'm spontaneous. That's how life. is. You live in the moment. If you're. living in the moment, you can't plan.

ahead. >> Mhm. Well, I How do you make restaurant. reservations? >> Have somebody else do it for me? [laughter]. They don't live in the moment. >> So, you can only live in the moment. What if you had your lovely wife uh make. the plan and then you could I could be. standing out front ready to go on the. walk. >> Here's the problem. We both live in the. moment. That's why we're right for each. other. If you lived in the moment, you. would be available. And sometimes you. tell me you're not home and I walk by, I. see your truck out there. that hay seed.

truck that you drive. >> I drive it. Well, you know that I clean. pools on the side. I've got a lot of. things going on. I've got a lot of. businesses going. >> What was the first job you ever had? >> I remember I was a male model when I was. 16. >> Is that true? >> Yeah. I was very good-looking when I was. young. Very good-looking. >> What happened? [laughter]. >> Seriously, what happened? Uh, I think my. first job was uh I was a camp counselor. when I was like 15, I think.

>> That's a good job. >> I didn't love it. I didn't love it. A. lot of standing in the sun, which isn't. good for me. It smelled like someone was. cooking bacon uh and uh looking after. these kids. >> uh who seemed ungrateful. >> What was the last surgery you ever had? [laughter]. >> Seriously. >> Uh I think on my appendicitis uh my my. appendix was removed probably 1975, something like that. I was seven when I. had mine removed. I lived in Germany at. the time. >> You said Germany. Yeah. JFK removed it. I just have to just stay still and I uh.

I will uh remove this uh appendix. >> When I uh returned to the car, Caroline. was gone. >> Okay. I don't know what you're talking. about here. [laughter]. >> No. Remember that album? >> Uhhuh. >> The first uh family. >> Mhm. Yep. >> Yeah. That's what they said on there. I'll go down to the end of the dock. We'll meet you fair water skis. So uh I. was in a German hospital. >> I think you're thinking of van meter. Is. that correct? The [snorts] famous. Yeah. Okay. >> So, I was seven and uh unusable and I. had this um side pain if anybody's.

interested. >> And they took me to a German hospital. and back then they didn't have. anesthesia. They gave you ether. >> and they put a mask on. >> Yeah. >> And you breathe in the ether and I could. still. >> remember the smell of that. How horrible. it was. >> Yeah. And [clears throat] I woke up a. couple hours later and I was in bed and. they had newspapers under me cuz I was. still kind of like oozing fluid and. blood. >> Mhm. [snorts]. >> Do you guys have ordering lunch or. anything or [laughter]. >> No, I don't No, we're not getting you.

lunch for that story. So, you had your. uh appendix removed and they gave you. ether. Powerful ether. You know, a side. effect of ether is a long-term inability. to complete a thought. [laughter]. >> Did you know that? >> I had no idea. >> Yeah. But I will tell you this. Um I. went for a physical. >> about a month ago. [clears throat]. >> Who cares about the time schedule? You. know, every every comment goes, you. know, the other day or yesterday I did. on Tuesday last year. Nobody cares about. the date. [clears throat and cough]. So getting back to what I was going to.

say before you interrupted me, um I went. [clears throat] to get a physical and. you know when you get a physical, you. sit in the doctor's office and he goes. to the computer about all the uh. ailments you've had over the years and. surgeries. And I'm telling you, I sat. there for like a half hour. He's going, "Okay, you had uh torn bicep muscles, hernia, appendicitis, you had your hip. replaced, you had a benign tumor in your. neck." And after a while, I'm going, "Okay, that's enough. All right, can we. just stop right there?". >> You've had a lot to be to be honest.

You've had a lot of stuff uh a lot of. health scares happened to you. >> Not not I had one or two health scares. Uh cuz I was a mountain climber, rock climber, [clears throat] solo, free. solo. And um and then he goes, "Okay, well, let's just check the the. medications you're taking." Okay. And. the same thing, like a long list. And. I'm thinking, "How am I still alive?". >> Yeah. >> Take a break. We'll be right back. >> No, no, we're not taking a break. [music].

You've had a lot of health scares. You. have. >> Mostly from you. >> That's not true. That's not true. I'm. going to keep you on track. You've. You've brushed up with mortality many. times. >> I have. >> And I'm a risk taker. >> No, you just get sick a lot. You didn't. take any risks. And you're not a. mountain climber. You just Your body is. falling apart all the time. And then. they stitch you back together. >> I thought he was serious about. >> No, he's not a mountain climber. He.

says, [laughter] "Eduardo, did you know. that he was lying?". >> I thought he was a mountain. >> NO, YOU'RE NOT A mountain. climber. >> Why do you expose me like this? Why do. you expose me? Embarrassing. >> Because people are listening to this and. I think of myself as a journalist. Uh. someone who's here to get the truth. >> Does anybody else think of you as a. journalist? >> Not yet. But in time, uh when I go to. journalism school, you um again, >> you don't need to refer to the notes. I'm going to tear up these notes because. it's ridiculous. >> Save those for John Love.

>> You know, [laughter]. >> jealous. Acting. >> Do you keep up with Love it? >> Not really. He did call me a couple. months ago because we haven't talked. Yang. Just calling you to say hi. >> Oh, that's good. >> Oh, that's that was Schneider. >> That was Rob Schneider. You did? Yeah. >> I don't do impressions really. >> So, Love it called you as Schneider. >> No. >> Okay. Sorry. Sorry to be say something. [laughter] that wasn't quite true. Um, who do you hope calls you? >> Uh, >> who who are you like disappointed that. doesn't call you? Not to ask for a hike.

as they're walking by your house, but. just to say hi, how you doing? I do it a. lot lately. I'll call people out of the. blue and say, "Hey, man. I was just. thinking about you.". >> That's nice. >> Yeah, >> I do that sometimes. >> When uh I do I do when I'm driving. actually when I'm driving in LA is a. really nice time to just say, "You know. what? I haven't talked to this person. for a while." And uh and say, "Stop. sipping a drink every time I'm real. >> It's got a metal straw. It's a sabotage. Don't you guys have any real straws? >> Every time I try to be real. He does a. big exaggerated schlurp.

Yeah, we see. You've been doing nothing. but. >> It's a metal straw. Why don't you have. something like that's not metal here? >> Because we're trying to save the. environment. >> Well, what about the metal? >> The metal can always be melted down. later on to make a bullet. So, don't. worry about it. >> What happens when they melt the metal? It goes into the air. The toxicity. >> I don't know what you're talking about. And you know what? Frankly, you don't. know what you're talking about. >> When was the last time you wore a tux? >> Uh, [laughter]. I I won't do it anymore. I won't do it.

anymore. At some point, Eduardo, think. of yourself as the referee. You can step. in at some point and you can say enough. >> Okay, we're almost [laughter] there. >> I mean, because this is you're you're. not just damaging. >> damaging me. Is Eduardo also your. driver? >> No. What are you talking about? What? I. mean, how could you have people on this. show? There's nothing to do. >> What do you What do you mean there's. nothing to do? Eduardo is a Eduardo set. up this studio, this beautiful studio.

He is a sound technician, engineer. He. did a beautiful job constructing this. place that works beautifully so that we. could conduct a big deal. So that we. could conduct. >> uh we could conduct cohesive, coherent. interviews. >> Let's try one right now. Let's try. >> We've tried. I've tried. >> You haven't tried? I've been trying. since I got here. We should put you guys. on the clock. See if you could do like. three minutes straight. >> All right. Time us. And And seriously, Kevin, will you try? >> I'm not I don't have to try. I will do.

>> Okay. >> You have to try. You're going to set a. clock. >> You have to try. You don't You never. try. You never. >> You've known a lot of funny people, Kevin. Uh tell me, who were some of your. Who do you think was the all-time. funniest? >> I mean, I know that uh you have a very. close to Gary Shanling. You got to meet. Carson. Uh, and uh, Steve Martin, who's. your all-time one person at the very. top? >> First of all, thank you for your. question. [laughter]. It's funny you should ask that because I.

was just thinking about a joke that. Stanley Myron Handleman did. I used to. follow this comic, Stanley Myron. Handleman. And uh, I, you know, so many. comics growing up, I mean, comedians. growing up, I would like they would. become my favorites for like a week. But. you know, everyone from uh. up it's his name and I love this guy. Dodd King, is that his name? >> Don King, the fight promoter. >> Alan, [laughter]. please. So, are you okay? Yeah. I'm thinking. about these funny comics because they.

really influenced me. Albert Brooks. Yeah. Steve Martin. >> Sure. Is it Barton or Martin? >> It's Martin. Steve Martin. You're. friends with him. Steve Barton. Yeah. Alan King. [laughter]. >> Who's the king? This guy Alan King is. makes me laugh a lot of laughing right. now about him. >> No, you're not. You're having a nervous. breakdown and you're saying you're. laughing about. >> No. No. No. Don't go there. Don't. You. just went there. You went there. You. attacked me. [laughter].

>> You You attacked me. >> I asked you a very straightforward. question and you had a complete. meltdown. [laughter]. >> You stayed. I know that you love to like. beat up on me. Kevin, that was all you, Kevin. Kevin, you broke that. See, soda. is even telling you. You're crying. >> I'm not kidding. Ladies and gentlemen, crying. You couldn't [laughter] do it. >> You couldn't do it for three little. minutes. You attacked me. >> You messed up talking. You actually had. me at that was a great question. That's.

when I lost it. >> You You You can't do it. >> I didn't. >> I tried. You [laughter] didn't do it. Damn, >> you're a mess. >> You attacked me. That's. >> You came at me. You came at me hard. >> This is [laughter] This is unusable. I I. think this is an unusable interview. >> Let's pick up where we left off. >> Where did we leave off? >> How much time? 90 seconds. All right, let's finish. 90 seconds. >> He's crying. He has tears around his. eyes. I said tears. He really does. >> I'm allergic to you. [laughter].

>> Now listen, let's get back to it. Oh my. god. >> How many people How many comics do you. need me need me to name? >> I don't know. I just was curious if. there's one that stood out. >> Yeah. >> I'm going to say for you it was Steve. Martin. >> Annie Annie Kaufman. And. >> Martin, you these are your favorites and. you don't even know who they are. >> He's attacking me again. He's attacking. me. >> WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE? WE. >> I LIKE BILL STEMAN. What is that name? I. don't know. >> Eduardo. [laughter]. Who couldn't do it? One to one.

>> One to one. IT IS MESSED UP THAT ONE. THAT'S ME laughing that he can't say. anything. >> How easily he attacks me. >> You needed to get back on track. >> He pounced on me. He pounced on me. >> He just can't contain himself. >> Let me say this. You're one of my. favorites of all time. >> Well, thank you very much. >> And I mean that. I absolutely mean that. because you have such an agile mind. I'm. being serious. I I I you have such an. agile mind. You're so your rhythm is so. unpredictable and hilarious uh that I I.

think you're one of the all-time greats. I really do. >> Appreciate that. Um you do well, too. You do all right for yourself. I love I. love your style. I mean, you know, I I. I'm I'll be honest with you. I'm. surprised and I'm not attacking you. [laughter]. >> You're surprised at what? I'm not. attacking back. You're surprised at. what? >> I'm not going to pounce at you. >> Okay. Uh, I'm just surprised and happy. for you. >> Yeah. Go ahead. You're surprised about.

what? >> As far. >> Uh-huh. [laughter] Go ahead. >> As you made it, >> you you followed up me saying that I. think you're one of the all-time great. >> with you saying that you're surprised I. made it this [laughter] far. >> Can I finish? >> Sure. >> You have become something that is. unbelievable. [laughter]. I don't know how you do it. I don't. seriously I don't know how you do it. You become this legend of [laughter].

I won't say mediocrity cuz I know you. think I'm going to say that. But. [laughter]. it's not mediocrity. It's more than. that. Not a lot more. But it's. [laughter]. >> Oh my god. >> And you know I love you, right? get. shot. >> I don't I [laughter] don't I don't know. Now I'm starting to almost cry. >> Conan, look at me. I just. >> I love you. [laughter]. >> Almost. >> You're surprised. You're surprised that.

I've made it this far. >> Please don't attack me. Don't [laughter]. attack me. >> I'm attacking you. I'm simply restating. what you said. >> He's attacking. [laughter]. But you're making it You're cynical. You're cynical. You're full of hate. [laughter]. Look, let's let me just continue. How. much time in our world? >> Oh my god, >> this will be the tiebreaker if you guys. can end. >> I can't believe that you are making I'm. going to end first. >> I cannot believe you have you have such. a style. >> You are so smart. I tried and tried.

>> You have no surgeries. You have little. problems at all in life. And you've. really made a lot of yourself. I think. so. >> And I love you. I can't say that enough. And I'm really You influenced me growing. up. You asked me about a comic. You. >> I influenced you growing up when you are. older than I. >> Why are you laughing me off like that? [laughter]. >> Why does he constantly. >> How did I influence you? So when you. were a young boy in Germany, >> I didn't say when I was a kid. >> Oh, okay. >> You influenced me when I walked in here.

today. You No, the way you have. everything together. I thought Conan's. really got his stuff together. >> because why? >> You took life seriously. >> Mhm. >> And you planned for the future. Mhm. Mhm. >> And I'm sure you had big plans. Some of. them maybe didn't work out, you. [laughter] know. I'm serious. I'm trying. to be serious here. >> Okay. Okay. >> And um why don't you tell me about. yourself? >> Well, I'd love to, but we're out of. time. Oh, >> are we really? >> Yeah, we're out of time because um you.

uh and I I'll take some responsibility, but you know what I'm going to do? I'm. going to take 25%. >> Yeah, >> I'm going to take 25%. >> 25 out of 30 is not bad. No, not out of. 30. >> I'm out of how many? >> 100. >> I'm going to take I'll take a quart of. responsibility that you are a little bit. of catnip to me. I do react to Kevin. that way. I get a little giddy, but uh. you are a not just a wild mustang that. can't be tamed. You're a mustang that's.

been drugged, caffeinated, and had a. rocket shoved up its ass. And then. >> two out of those three are correct. [laughter]. caffeinated. I don't know about. caffeinated, [laughter]. >> but um I'm going to ask everyone who. listened to this entire First of all, I. think there's got to be a prize for. anyone that listened to the whole thing. >> I don't know what it is. >> Why would you say that? >> Because. >> you cannot even on the outro, you cannot. be serious and. >> Oh, I'm being quite serious. I think. there should be some kind of uh maybe.

even a cash prize for anyone who can. prove. [laughter]. >> God that they've listened to the whole. thing. >> Why do you do that in the middle of a. sentence? And then uh and and if anyone. sees a continuity here that I don't see. or a thread that I don't see, I'd love. to hear about it. >> That is your fault. You are the captain. of the ship. Why do you let things get. out of control? >> Said the torpedo. [laughter]. >> You're the torpedo yelling at the. captain.

>> Yeah, but a torpedo makes changes. You're a captain who doesn't make. changes. And that's the problem. You're. you're you're going off course. >> Okay. You've you fell. >> Can you please take some blame for this? >> Yeah, I did. I took 25%. >> Well, out of 30. That's not bad. The. book. Let's talk about the book. October. >> Stop it. I exaggerate. Very talented. You really are a great artist. >> I am. >> Um I think uh. >> what's your favorite um favorite page in. there? >> Uh my favorite drawing.

>> You know the Buzz Aldrin story. >> What's that? >> I do I have a little thing there on Buzz. Aldrin. >> I [clears throat] think I looked at it. quickly. Yes. Uh. >> Buzz Aldrin. Second Man on the Moon. >> Yes. And he used to go to a lot of. Hollywood parties. You could meet him at. He would always show up wearing kind of. a crazy outfit. Yes. Second Man on the. Moon. I've met Buzz Aldrin several. times. Yes. >> Okay. Buzz Aldrin. I was in Mexico on. some kind of a celebrity junket. >> Mhm. >> And I see him on the beach and I go up. to him. I go, "Bus Alin.". And he goes, "Yeah." I said, "Oh my.

gosh, I'm such a pleasure to meet you. Second man on the moon, you know." And. uh I said to him, "Were you ever worried. that you wouldn't get off the moon when. you were there?" And this is what he. said to me. "What are you, a wise guy?". I said, "No, I'm sorry. I just I was. curious cuz if I was on the moon, I'd be. afraid I wouldn't be able to get off.". And he goes, "Why wouldn't I be able to. get off?" He's a rocket scientist. Everything's planned out on paper. He. doesn't even second guess everything. >> I said, "Well, sometimes I get in my. car, it doesn't start. Supposed to, but.

it doesn't." and he thought, "Well, we. did actually get into Luna module and. there's a little fuse sticking out." So, we called Houston and they said, "I just. push it back in." I said, "Okay, okay." And then I saw him go out to this. car. Wouldn't start. So, I said, "Is the fuse sticking out?". Maybe now I'm being a wise guy. Please, I'm not finished. >> Oh. Oh, you're finished. He was the. second man on the moon, but the first. man to fart on the moon.

>> Okay. Okay. [laughter] You. >> No, this is all just true. And that's in. my book. Would you You like that book, right? I do. It looks good. >> Yeah. I love your book. It really is. I'm very impressed by uh your growth as. an artist. Uh. >> you saw me drawing all the time. We were. writing Hans and France. >> Yes. You drew all the time. You you. >> mostly you I have like six sketches of. you at home. >> Oh, it would be nice if you put them in. a book. Um, that's okay. We ever I would like. you to do a real caricature of me. someday. I would I would treasure that.

I'll pay you. [clears throat]. >> You won't treasure cuz I've seen you. I've seen so many caricatures of you in. your office with a big tall red hair. >> Not by you. You're my friend. It would. mean. >> friend of mine did a great caricature of. you. I mean, really good. >> Uhhuh. >> And I think you just poo pooed it. >> I did not. That's not me at all. >> Do you remember? Did I show it to you? >> No. Jason Syler, his name is He's a. great illustrator. He does a lot of Mad. Magazines. >> Uhuh. >> But anyway, yeah, I'll do one of you. >> Okay. >> You're in the next book.

>> Thank you. Um, here's what we're going. to do. Uh, I'm going to end this. interview. We're going to put you. >> call this an interview. >> A course of Clonopin. >> Ask me one question. You didn't ask me. one question. >> Have you Have you tried Ridland? Have. you tried anything? Or how about any. drug that might focus you? What about. any of the ADHD. >> drugs? Have you tried any of those? >> No, but my wife thinks I might have. ADHD. >> Oh, she's right. >> Wait, let me finish. >> Or uh the early signs of dementia,

>> right? Oh, >> and Yeah. So, [clears throat]. because I leave the stove on once in a. while. >> Mhm. >> Or I leave the car running cuz I have an. electric car. >> and the other car is hybrid. >> Okay. >> We're barely getting by. >> And I'll uh you know, you don't have to. turn the electric car off. You just get. out of it. >> Yeah. And then the hybrid sometimes. because you're so used to getting out of. the electric car, you don't turn off. I. get out of the hybrid because it's. quiet, you know, it's running on the. hybrid and I get out and uh and I walk. away thinking it's off.

>> Mhm. >> Stove, car, and uh car keys sometimes. >> Kevin, do me a favor cuz we're ending. this now. I mean, I have to end it. I. just have to end this. But I want you to. take this. We're going to get you a copy. of this and I want you to play it for. your neurologist. Okay. And then. >> why do you assume I have a neurologist? >> You're going to have one. I'm making an. appointment. >> You're coming with me then. You are. coming with me. >> I'll come with you to the neurologist. You know, I'll drive you there. Yeah. And you can bring you can bring a drone. and we will we can [laughter] shoot it. from 9,000 ft. But I want you to you're. going to play this for a neurologist and.

I want a a a specific diagnosis. afterwards. That's. >> You know what the diagnosis is going to. be? >> What's that? >> It's going to be. >> Mr. Nean, you need to rest a little bit. >> Mr. O'Brien, you need a lawyer. What? >> You need a lawyer for attacking Kevin so. much in your little quote unquote. interview. >> Okay, that's it. Uh, the book is called. I Exaggerate My Brushes with Fame. No, >> you don't have to go. I have to go. >> No, you go. You're out. >> I'm I'm the one that has I don't have. the time for this. >> You don't you I'm throwing you out of.

the podcast studio. Kevin, despite. everything people have heard today, I do. love you and admire you. You're one of. the funniest people ever. Um, and if you. don't stop around with that. straw, >> that's my stomach. That [laughter] was. my stomach. Why do you have to make fun. of my health problems? >> Okay, we'll uh we'll take a break. We're. never coming back.