Kevin Nealon Draws A Picture Of Conan | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Tell me about yourself. I will if you. stop. You're the You're drawing. You're. hoping it's a picture of you. No, but. it's not. I didn't think it was a. picture of me. This is a picture of you. Okay. No, we're not. No. Go ahead. Just. keep talking. Okay. Uh anyway, uh I. enjoy talking to you. I never quite know. what's going to happen. I'm always. handed research, but it doesn't seem to. line up with anything we talk about. It. does. Um who would have uh research for. Kevin Nean? You're promoting a movie. that I don't know if it exists or not. Please step into the light. By the way,

I want to thank you for doing my hiking. show what, two or three times, hiking. with Kevin. Uh, now streaming on Fox. Nation. Yeah, it's another thing that's. not mentioned in the research. I don't. know what's going on. I don't know why. there's research on you that You know. what? I'm not all about boasting what I. do. You like to have everything in. print. You like to have it direct. everybody to what you're doing. Yeah. You do a podcast. What did you draw? You. said you were drawing me. I've just. started. Oh, are those testicles? Are. those I think you're burying the lead.

You got a dirty mind. That's a dick. Yeah, that's a dirty mind right there. Can I finish it? Well, how is this me? How is this me in any way? Can I finish. it? I'd rather you not finish it. No, I'll make it bigger. Give it to me. I'd. like him to finish it. Yeah. I think. that's a portrait of old Prickface. Johnson, but anyway, keep going. Um, uh, you're I don't know why we have. you back. It's always I don't know why I. come here. Yeah. You got to go. somewhere. So, um, what were you gonna say?

No, seriously. I love comedy. Isn't it. great? There's so many different, uh, facets to it and styles. Yes. And. somebody will ask me once, they'll say, uh, or a lot of times they'll say, "Do. you think so and so is funny?" Mhm. You. know who I'm talking about. And I'll. say, "Well, it's subjective." You know, you can't say somebody's not funny if. they're bringing in people and people. are laughing. And I disagree. I think. you can say someone's not funny to you. They're not funny. I I I just I'm very.

uh I I'm very If I think someone's. really not funny, I think they're. unfunny the way that the way uh you know. uh water is a liquid and a solid is. something you can put your hand on. I. think for everybody I think it's. immutable when someone's really unfunny. And then I think there's a whole gray. area, but there are some people that. just know they're not funny and there's. just nothing that can be done. So, wouldn't it be nice if you would stand. out in front of like a a venue and. people are coming in to see that person. you don't think is funny and just warn. them to say, "You don't need to see this.

person. I wouldn't go in if I were you. It's a mistake. It's a waste of time. I. wouldn't do this. I wouldn't go see this. person." But don't you say it's like. objective? Don't you think that? Because. what Sona thinks is funny, which is. apparently everything you say. Yeah. Uh, it's true. She's given you a lot of good. chuckles, too. So, I would She makes me. laugh a lot. Chuckling. Yeah. Yeah. Um, we call her a low bar obsession. It's true. So, do you disagree with. Conan about that statement that I'm a I. No, I agree with him. There are some.

people I No, I just I It's I'm an easy. laugher, but then I also when I don't. laugh, I think it stings even more. probably. Right. Yeah. Yeah. when you're. not laughing, you know, you've really uh. the bed. Well, first of all, you're. both wrong. It's um it's subjective. Okay, it is subjective cuz I'll say. something. You know, if you're going by. this guideline like, "No, this is not. funny because you know this and that.". Um but someone's laughing, you're pretty. much telling them that they're they're.

idiots for laughing at that. Yeah. I I. would say that to people if they were. laughing at the wrong thing, I'd say. you're a bunch of fools. What about. drama? What What is What are you doing? What do you This is valuable time. Do. you know how the the No, I know. A lot. of people would die to be on this show. A lot of people would give their left. nut, which apparently you're drawing uh. to be on this podcast and you come here. and you diddle away the hour. Why? Why. do you do it? Is it a First of all, diddling is not a bad thing. Diddling is. like meditating. Yeah, that's true. Have.

you ever meditated? I'm not good at it. I've tried, but I'm How can you not be. bad at it? You fall out of the chair. What happens? No, I just My mind. wanders. is constantly wondering to do. I I get too restless. I got to keep. moving. I got to And then there's You're. sitting there by yourself. You're not. hearing any laughs. And then you start. to wonder, am I even alive? And then you. got to get out there and just hear the. security thing. Probably. Yeah. If I. don't hear the laughter, I don't know. what to do. I get that. Yeah. Do you do. you do a lot of meditating? Because you. seem No, I dare. I'm a diddler. Okay.

Well, which also requires a chair. when you diddle. Okay. Uh, can we please. just talk about something that has some. meaning? I'm doing the best I can. I'm. sitting here. I came all the way down. here cuz apparently you couldn't get a. guest. And we prize you as a guest. You know. that you're beloved on this show, I. think. And and someone step in here, but. I believe one or two of your appearances. are some of the most loved uh on the. entire podcast. Last one. Should watch a. clip. Jesus.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared. Um, when you when I'm saying Go ahead. Yeah. No, I uh the your episodes always do. great from here. And then the clips on. YouTube and the clips on social media. are some of our most popular for sure. I'll have to start watching the show. Yeah. No, I I'd love to see it. Hey, you. ever think that, hey, I'm at the top of. my game right now? Uh I have moments. where I think I'm in a flow state. You. know what I'm saying? Uh where it one. moment's leading to the next, right? Uh.

today is not my day. Uh, I think you're. having a rough time, too. But you know. what's going to happen? Never tell an. audience they're getting a bad show. Never. No. I always rule number one. I. say, "I'm at the top of my game. You. guys are really lucky tonight." And uh, what an You say that during. your show? Of course I do. Because. people don't know what's funny. Apparently, according to you. No, no, no. Some people Some people don't know. Many people do. But here's the other end. of that. Yeah. Do you ever think this is if I died now,

I'd have some great people coming to my. funeral and making some great eulogies? And yes, I do think about that. But. because if you live too long, yes, there. won't there'll be less people. I've. thought about this, too. And I'm not. kidding. I've thought about if I went. now, and I hope I don't. I hope I get. another week or two. But you'd have. there'd be a lot of funny people coming, and there'd be some people being very. funny. Um, but if I stick around too. long, Yeah. That's an empty room. No. one's coming. No one's coming. Even if. they're not dead, they're not coming. Yeah. And if Sona lives like if Sona if.

Sona lives like a block away, she's not. coming. You know, Sona will probably be. the director of your funeral. I would. say you'll be involved in it. You and. David Hopping will probably have a lot. to do. Sure. Okay. I do, as a joke, want. you to be buried in the cemetery. You. don't want to be buried in. We've talked. about this. I know. So that's I do not. want to be buried, what's it called? Forest Line at Forest Lawn off the 134. freeway. There's a free There's one that. that's what they call it now, by the. way. Off the 134 freeway. Yeah. No, I I.

I know that people that pass away here. are buried there and they look down and. they they're baking in the sun and. they're looking down on the freeway. I. don't want that. I want to be uh just. left in a field, you know. So, above. ground. Yeah, above ground. Will you be. uh buried with the headphones on? No. Be. with headphones on. I don't I don't. think podcasting has been my major. contribution. I don't think that would.

mean that I I saw myself as a podcaster. No, I see myself as a as an artist. So, I would want Would you wear a V-neck. sweater at all? I would not. I would not. wear cuz when I start to decompose, you. would. You're going to be in your casket. in a V-neck sweater with no t-shirt. Why. do people even wear clothes in a casket? Where are they. going? You know what I mean? Yeah. Once that. lid is closed, strip them down. Send. them on their way. I mean, when they. open when it's an open casket, Yes. It's. But you're saying once the casket's. about to be closed, they should get.

every everyone out of the room and then. get the suit and all the stuff off of. them. Get the stuff off and donate it. Yeah. Or keep it for yourself. That's a. good You know what? Of all the celebrity. movements, um, that I think that would. be a very unusual one for you to lead. the charge on. Nude burials and donate. the clothes and the watch and the ring. You've decided to be buried. That's your. no still up in the air? No. I have a. friend, Robin Fender, who wants to be. used he wants to be used as a dummy in. like a horror movie, a throw dummy. And.

so when he dies, he wants to be in a. scene where he's like thrown out of a. seventhstory building and fall. And I. think that's just genius cuz he's a. director. He's a really funny guy and he. wants that. He really wants that. And we. get his would he get his SAG insurance. for that? Yes. And we get a payment. I'm. sure there's some kind of residual, but. he wants to be a throw a throw dummy in. a movie that gets tossed off a building. And I think that's a great idea. Would. it be like a Mission Impossible or Yeah, something like that where someone's like. the actors pushed and then you cut away.

to the body falling and that's my friend. Rodman falling through space uh and then. hits the ground and then cut to a. close-up of the actor lying there. You. get Do you watch Do you go on uh. Instagram? Is this vodka or is it water? Clearly, it's vodka. You're not making a. lot of sense. Um, no one follows a. conversational thread like you. No, listen. Is it Do you think it's a cyst. in your mind? What do you think it is? I. do actually have a sebaceious No, it's. not a sebaceious cyst. It's a uh Oh,

what's it called? It's called a. um Can I come back tomorrow? It's called a Anyway, it's kind of a. tumor. Oh, that's terrible. I'm sorry. No, it's not. It's not. Um, it's not a. tumor. It's not a tumor. It's uh, for some reason, I can't think. of the name of it. Anyway, what's. probably blocking that part of your. brain, which is why you can't think of. it. What's the name of that flower with. the thorns on it? The rose. That's.

right. Hey, Rose, what was the name of. the tumor that I have? All right. You're. such an idiot. That's an old joke. You're such an idiot. No, that's an old. joke. But listen, are you So, what I was. going to say, if I may have a moment, May I have a moment? such an idiot. My. eye is resting on the microphone. Looks. like you're a scientist looking at the. uh microscope. I'm looking for. intelligent life in this podcast and I I. see nothing. Uh oh, that the name was. right on the tip of my tongue. Now it's. up on the roof of my mouth. Okay, moving.

back to the merc. So, hey, do you have a child's joke book. with you? Is it hidden?