Kevin Nealon “Congratulates” Conan On Receiving Mark Twain Prize | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Congratulations on the Mark Twain prize. No, thank you very much. But it is a. prize. It's not an award. Seriously, a prize is like a Cracker. Jack toy. Am I right? It's a prize. Don't get all excited. No, I'm not. I'm not. Does it come in a box? Is it in a box? I feel I'm like a prize pig with a. little ribbon. Yeah. I Yeah, I I. appreciate that. At first, you think. it's a Mark Twain Award. You go. You. You're going to receive a Mark Twain.

prize. Oh, just dig through this. Dig through this. cracker jackack box. I was the honorary. mayor. Where? Pacific Palisades. Oh god. Okay. Well, that's way to bring it down, man. What? You asked me where I What? That's my fault. I specifically That's. my fault. You said I was the mayor. Honorary. I said honorary. Ridiculous. Honorary mayor. Honorary. That's. ridiculous. That's like, "Oh, I was in Dallas." "Oh, yeah. When When Kennedy was shot." Why.

would you bring that up? Don't yell. I. listen to you in the car and you yell a. lot. And I have to lower it. He does. Yeah, you do. If you're going to yell, but did you see what he did? He said I. was the mayor and I said, "Oh, cool. Where?" And then he brings up a place. where there was a terrible tragedy. I. said I was the honorary mayor. Why would. you even want to follow that up with. anything? Such a Look at me. I am looking at you. You're the worst. Seriously, why would. you why would you open that can of.

worms? I guess it's my fault. I guess it's my. fault. Well, yeah. Do you think when you. asked me that, you knew where I used to. live? You know where I live? I know. I. didn't know that. That's where you were. the honorary mayor. I'm sorry. I didn't. know that. Well, another opportunity for. you to expose my life and my personal. life uh and where I lived. Okay. Well, uh but seriously, are you okay? Is. everyone all right? Did your place uh. did you I was okay until I got here. today. Okay. All right. But uh but you.

know, you just undermine me so much. I. think let's not let's just let's say. let's say this was our last life, our. last um might be. Yeah. We had a good. run, man. Well, I got I worked hard. You. got lucky. And uh. I think you believe that, too. And I. think you're right. I think you're. right. I think we both had a lot of. luck. But you think I had a crazy amount. of luck and I think I think you open. yourself up to luck and boy did you get. it?

No, I don't you think that's right. though? I think we both are unseemingly. people that would be uh make to be a. living. This is proof. This is proof. You know, this podcast I think is proof. that we are both incredibly lucky people. that we've managed to scratch out. livingings in this business and then uh. this conversation is the height is the. height of our Crazy. What's that, pal? What is it? Give me something I can work. with. I think you call people pal more. or bud. Buddy. I'm a more of a pal guy.

Hey, you're pal. Hey, pal. It's an East. Coast thing. Yeah. Um, just keep I'm just trying to remember. the name of that tumor that I have. Do you really have something in your. because I know you have a lot of medical. maladies. You've brought up nothing. What? I saw you once and you said my. shoulder like fell off. If you were. walking along and your shoulder fell off. and your and then you had I said I fell. off the shoulder of the road. That's not. true. You had Play it back. Okay. I'm No. Um let's go back to the.

question. If this was our last day on. the planet, we we we would open up to. each other, right? No, I I doubt it. Would you cry then? No, I don't think. so. I don't What would make you cry? I. don't know. I'm still thinking about it. Me staying here another minute. I think. 30 seconds would do it. You've never. seen a movie that made you cry? I I. have. Yeah, I have. So, you lied to us. Well, yeah. No, no, no, no. I didn't say. I never cried. I just don't cry often. That's all. Not a big I wish I cried. more. I think I'd be a help. But I don't.

think I said I've never cried in my. life. That would be a sociopath. Yeah. Did you cry when you were younger a lot? Uh, no. I remember, this is a true. story. Uh, I was in the gym. I was. wrestling a kid. We both fell backwards. I put my arm out to stop it and my elbow. went bent the wrong way and I couldn't. move it and I was in incredible amount. of pain. And the nurse at the Driscoll. school called my mother and said, "Uh,

[Laughter]. oh my god. Oh man, it's a good story. Finish it up. I'm going to go get a glass of water. I'm going to cry now. Oh my god. Well, you said Mrs. Driscoll or the.

nurse. I thought this is going nowhere. Yeah. And then my nurse comes in and she. says, "Oh, looks like you bent it. backwards. See, that's what you do." And. I said, "No, I didn't bend it backwards. You're the nurse. My arms are supposed to that way. You tricked me into telling a real story. about my childhood and my mom and and. then you totally torpedoed me. It wasn't.

intentional. No, seriously. Said the son of Sam. killer. Uh are we not going to hear the. end of that story? It's very quick. You. just didn't cry. Oh, no. that uh she the. the nurse called and said, "Yeah, your. son's here. Uh blah blah blah." Losing. interest. Losing interest. We've already. heard that part. We don't need to recap. it, please. No recapping. The nurse said, "I think he's fine." And. my mom said, "Well, how does he seem?".

And she said, "Oh, he's crying a little. bit." And she said, "He never cries. Let's take him to the hospital." And I. had a shattered elbow. So, the fact that. I was any moisture in my eye at all. indicated to my mother that there was a. real problem. That is proof that I'm not. the old boohoo boy. You know what I'm. saying? Are you okay with me telling. that story to other people? It's such a. good story. Can I share that? What are you drinking? Is that coffee? This is tea. I'm having a little tea.

Little iced tea. Do you have a cold? Nope. I do not have a cold. These are. good questions though. You sound a. little Let me You sound stuffy. I'm not. stuffy at all. In fact, I think I have. no congestion. So, uh, remember when we. had lunch and we were just both being. serious with each other? No, I don't. I. don't think I've ever had lunch with. you. I've never had a moment with you. Do you ever worry about your weight? Should I Should I worry about my weight? I don't worry about my weight. I worry. about my height. Okay.

Do you know what I mean? I think um I. don't is tall, isn't he? Baron Trump is. very tall. He's tall. Yeah. Yeah. You. know, when people say you don't prepare, I always say yes, he does. It all It's. all thought out beforehand. And do you. have a congestion? I think Baron Trump. is tall. Um, one flows into the other. seamlessly. What What's on your mind. right now? What's your biggest worry. right now besides hosting the Oscars? I. guess ending this like how do I end it.

in a way that feels Yeah. It feels like. we're still friends afterwards, but it's still but it's still a. professional ending to the I get it. I. get what you're saying. I understand. that. Yeah. The dismount is is the hard. hardest part with a Kevin Neil do. gymnastics. Can you do a somersault? Let's start. with that. I cannot. No, I cannot. Never. could do a somersault. Really? Could you. do a somersault? Well, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, a somersault. I thought you missed that. wheel. No. Yeah, a somersault. Yeah, I. could do a somersault. Yeah.

Um, I see people back flipping off of a. dock. I think I could try that because. what's the worst that can happen? Oh, well, end of the dock. No, you just you. land on the water somehow. Mhm. You ever. think about that? Nope. Never. Maybe. I'll give you something to think about. in the future. Yeah. I don't think so. I. think we're done with that one. I think. there's no more meat left on that bone. Give me a Give me a bone with a lot of. meat on it. Let's talk. No. And then you. can edit all the other stuff out. No, no, no. We're keeping it all because I'm. going to use this when we go see your.

neurologist. Neurologist? No, neurologist. That's not where the tumor is. Uh, God, I'm going to I'm going to be. driving home and I'm going to think of. the name of that. It's a benign on, you. know, it's not threatening at all. It's. a cyst. No, I said it's a tumor. A cyst. is um like a hard nodule. That's Okay. Okay. All right. I'm not a doctor, but. Okay. No, it's a um God, you know what? If you had a good crew, they would have. looked it up already, you know.

They're just sitting there with their. mouth a gap. A gape. A gap. A gape. It's. a gape. What's the last new word that. you learned? Uh, seriously, do you know it? I don't. Do. you ever wake up and say, "Here's the. word I'm going to use today. I'm going. to try and use it like five times.". Okay. I do something. Menioma. Menagioma. What? Menangioma. Okay. Uh. they call it a tumor, but it's really. just a it's just a little about the size.

of the town in Italy. They have a great I feel like I've lost. you. Uh you lost me a while ago. I feel. like you just depleted this. You're not. at the top of your game anymore. No, no, no, no. You've Who's the guest here? Is. it you or me? I don't know. You've asked. most of the questions. Um cuz I can't. get anything out of you. How can I Anyone Does anyone have an. idea? Just please end this. Okay, Kevin, you know I love you. So, this. could be our last day on the planet. What? No, you never know. Yeah, I do.

know. There's going to be a tomorrow. There's always tomorrow. Let's wrap it. up with something that really is, you. know, thoughtful. Okay. And um. meaningful. Okay. I'm excited for you. I. really am excited for you. Okay. And. there's nothing uh there's no um. underlining u you know thought here or. no I can assure you I can assure you. there is not I can assure you through. hard experience there is nothing you've. lost trust in me as a person that can. connect and yeah I'm sure I had it ever.

but I do I don't your mind fascinates me. always has it's moving it moves it sure. uh you're you you're done fighting. you're not even fighting anymore you. don't think like you don't think like. anyone else. Uh and I've always admired. your integrity as a comedian. Um and I. think you've have a unique style. You've. stuck to your guns and uh and that's the. problem. I need to change guns. No, no,

no. Let me I was talking about you for a. minute. I think that you are um I tried. to end it right there. You saw you want. to go out on a laugh first of all. No, I. don't. I'm secure enough to not go out. on a laugh and we can just add one. later. I can take a I can take a laugh. from the old Lucy show and add it, you. know. Um I I really I really do I do. appreciate you and I think that's funny. that you backed away from the mic when. you started to say something nice so far. that our mics can't even so talented.

is that you always people love you. Do. you know if the most watched uh hike I. do hiking with Kevin on YouTube is Conan. O'Brien? Oh, my son told me that. That's. cool. Good to know. And you have uh Tom. Hanks on that. You have all the Hanks, Jack Black, um Paul Rudd, you Yeah. I. mean, and um Molly Shannon. Yeah. Um. Yeah. But you you have like you are so. famous and I think about this a lot when. I go places I don't get recognized. I.

think Conan would get recognized here. But you can go to Finland. You can go to. China probably and they know who you. are. Yeah, maybe. Is that hard to to be. that popular for no reason? It was so close. No, let's not. We're done here. We're. done. Hey Kevin, best of luck with your. movie. Come see me in the good light. starring Strue to Aan and Leven Havin,

executive producer Kevin on Fox Nation. Uh, and also Kevin on Fox Nation. Hi. with Kevin is on Fox Nation. Um I don't. know why I keep having you back, but. people do I don't either. People do love. it. Why do I keep coming? People do love. it. This this uh we'll see. We'll see. We'll look at the numbers after this. one. But God love you, Kevin. I love. you. And um just cover up next time we. go out. Okay. All right. I'll wear a. turtleneck. All right. Peace out.