John Mulaney Thinks Fatherhood Has Simplified His Life | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

what about you have you made progress in. caring about. whether people listen. to yourself. you made progress in caring about I. don't know about what people think about. it I think what people think about me. yes yes I have made progress it would be. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother. me at all what people think about me but. I've made a lot of progress right yeah I. would say this but the cycle is also. shorter now yes oh my God I said the. wrong thing those people probably hate. me now they probably don't they probably. give me the benefit of the doubt over.

yes that helps me because I think I've. made similar progress. in that way I used to worry. too much and I if you had asked me 10. years ago what's one thing you would. change about yourself I would say I. would I would very much like to not care. what people think of me yeah even today. coming in I saw Andy then I saw Jeff. Ross and. five years ago I would have gone oh I'm. gonna say hi but they don't want to talk. to me they have stuff to do they're. annoyed they have to talk to me they're. annoyed they have to talk to me they're.

annoyed they have to talk to me and now. I walk in I'm annoyed to talk to them. and you should be she was really on the. other point John Mulaney I'm not. submitting writer package yeah Jeff Ross. anymore I don't know if it should no. well first of all you should never have. been submitting writer packets to Jeff. Ross which I think Jeff looked pretty. good that was it seems like it's typed. it's got words on it giving them to. Frank Smiley was that not the right guy. to go to Frank Smiley's Frank smiley. yeah but you still he shouldn't have. been submitting a writer back into him. either I think you're getting him to Dan. Blair and prop I think I think your.

approach was all wrong all right that's. why I didn't get the big gig I submitted. three packets to that fire outside I. didn't get this thing I don't understand. what happened. 30 Rock or was it 50 Rock new I. explicit instructions. these are my ideas ma'am deliver them to. Mr O'Brien. you're at a dental hygienist office.

these go to Conan O'Brien uh do you care. what people think about you less as you. get older yes yeah I still care but I. care less yeah because I know. that I'm just gonna go away crumble turn. to Ash. how do you really deal with it don't do. a bit. don't do a bit don't do a bit about how. you deal with it uh how I deal with what. exactly let's get let's talk about it.

death or criticism no how you deal with. whether you think people like you or not. well I've talked about this before I do. a bit actually this is. wow. there it is. no ah. I've mentioned this a couple times. before but when I was a kid I wrote EB. white a letter and he wrote me back and.

in his return letter in a spider web he. wrote it he wrote it in spider web we. just had to do it didn't you just had to. do it. goddamn Pig just from the guy that. lectured me let's hear the real story. Conan that's the real story I didn't say. I wasn't going to do bits oh that's true. you never agreed to that never. uh anyway his response was what was your. letter to him saying uh well I can only. deduce that from reading his return. letter because it was so many years ago.

but. um uh and since then the EB white like. Foundation has found the letter but whoa. uh anyway he says in it he says some. nice things about my letter and then he. says as for your question if you're. concerned about criticism if you're. going to have a tough go as a writer. because I was telling him I was. interested in writing and but you wanted. no criticisms I need a very long I I. know I'm telling you this is what I was. worried about was being criticized I.

said I don't handle criticism very well. I'm afraid of it and he was basically. telling me you need to get over that. um I'm going to die soon and you're. going to be a talk show host anyway. you're never going to be a writer of no. pivot away from writing yeah as soon as. you can as soon as you can and squander. it in a foolish medium uh so that's what. I know that it was near and dear to my. heart and uh. I'm not gonna lie though I think if. someone has the wrong impression of me. it's hurtful but I uh as you go on I.

think as you know when you have kids. things I think having kids is a huge. reset because you think well as long as. they're okay then yep there's that and. also you know I was like. oh I've met the person I I've I now know. the person that I want to make laugh and. uh. uh like the only you know it's not the. only I like other people in my life but. if there's someone's eyes I want to see.

light up it's his my son when I get home. so yeah it does and all my anxieties are. poured into him as well in a good way I. think yeah and also being a parent's. made me dumb so my thoughts are. extremely simple and they're just kind. of on a 20 month old level and that has. made me one thousand times happier are. you funny to a almost two-year-old very. yeah and I am phenomenal at baseball. team. hahaha. I can hit a baseball far that you.

wouldn't believe how far I can hit a. wiffle ball. he has said things like whoa. and Dada do that yeah yeah I do I do. remember uh I think it was my. maybe it was my daughter when she was. like two or three watching me sink some. baskets and seeing her face think he's. maybe the greatest athlete that's ever. lived just picturing you bringing her in. a stroller to a public court in New York. City yeah and then you stand at the free. throw line I'm taking shot after shot.

she was in the Sun. and I there's a little thing that you. can a little hood that you can pull over. but I didn't do it because I thought it. would obscure her view of my shots. and the fact that I made two out of 11. uh impressed her and then she was very. sick from heat stroke but the point is. I'm a really good guy. no I can't even. um think past yeah is my I used to spin.

out about so many things and I used to. want to be so clever and wanted to be. this curated little prick and I now have. nothing in my head except yeah Malcolm. do that all right yeah baseball he wakes. up he wakes up at 4 50 a.m every night. when he goes to bed I go what time are. you gonna wake up and he goes seven and. we both laugh. and then he goes we say deal and we. shake and he gets in bed wakes up at 4. 50. I unzip him at 450. this happened.

two Wednesdays ago and he goes baseball. immediately I go you want to play. because game so I take him out get him. out of his sleep sack now he and I are. in the front yard 5 10 a.m in pajamas. and jackets and I take the ball and I. put it on the tee and he's holding a. wiffle ball bat and he goes two bats so. I hand him another bet now he has two. then I had to buy a third because when. we play he likes two bets so I need mine. I put the ball on and he goes that I do. and I go Dad I do I smack that Wiffle.

ball so far and he goes yeah good job. yeah good job I put a ball on for him. and I go Malcolm do that he goes yeah. Malcolm do that and he hits the ball. which is means he hits his hand holding. the bat against the T and the ball falls. off sure and I go yeah good job he goes. yeah good job Malcolm good job and we're. just two morons at five in the morning. the floodlights are like ring camera. lights are going off it's so early the. way he's saying baseball it makes it. sound like he wants to like does it. sound like he wants to bet on baseball.

oh yeah yeah. baseball yeah. yeah baseball he came from a time. machine to bed. yes as we all did like I. a big a big thing for me now is I used. to need so much to feel any kind of. happiness in the day and if I see a. garbage truck with him now we're both so. psyched it's like seeing a celebrity we. hide behind a garbage can and we watch.

it like in odd silence like we're two. women who see Courtney Cox at The Grove. we just walked Barefoot still in pajamas. and jackets following the garbage truck. holding Wiffle ball back and you look at. the thing come out and grab that yeah no. one impersonates a garbage truck better. than me in my son's eyes. and he goes. now at home you can yell garbage truck.

all day long that's something you yell. like if you got into water and it's cold. yeah garbage truck. when you're following the garbage truck. he and I have never discussed this but. we have a mutual understanding you do. not yell garbage truck at the garbage. truck like that would be disrespectful. yes there's an etiquette there's some. strange understood There's a garbage. truck yes. and he understands that yeah so I'm a. bad interview these days and I'm not as. fun to talk to at parties because. everything's so simplified both loving.

my son and being on his level if this is. a bad interview. then uh I wish all my interviews were. just oh how kind. be real for a second I am no that was. awful no that was Dreadful what you just. did that was Dreadful. thank you. um he said it like a horse. [Laughter]. fine. uh I'm gonna wrap this up but I am going. to tell you.

something I've told you before which is. uh you are a constant source of uh uh I. don't know joy to me anyway I just. absolutely love what you do and I've. said this before I love your mind and. your writing and uh your performing of. comedy and it makes me feel good about. things and about the way stuff is headed. and uh I am so happy for you that you're. finding peace and having a good time. thanks man with uh with your family. and it's a nice day for me when I get to.

sit here and trade stupidity with you. it's a joy for me thank you Conan you're. my absolute hero so you saying that. means more than I can say in words. as a horse. [Laughter]. all right thank you sir thank you.