Ike Barinholtz (FULL EPISODE) | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Hi, my name is Ike Baron Holtz and I. feel bullish about being Conan O'Brien's. >> very very uh Teddy Roosevelt. bully. >> bull moose [laughter]. speak softly and carry a large. red-headed man. >> Yes. [music]. >> Okay. Welcome to [sighs and gasps] Coner. Bryan Needs a Friend. It took me a. second to realize what we were doing. [laughter] And I'm Conan O'Brien from.

the title of the thing. And uh this is. Son of Obsessian. [laughter]. >> This is David. This is David Hop. And. I'm just trying to come in with fresh. energy. I have an obsession lately that. I want to talk about. >> Yeah. which is um rappers that uh have. agreed to do a soundtrack for a major. motion picture and then they have to rap. about the movie and kind of get bogged. down in the plot of the movie. It's one.

of my obsessions. >> Yeah. lately. One of the things I was. thinking about and I think one of the. worst offenders uh was when um Hammer MC. Hammer uh for the sequel to the first. Adam's House movie. >> Oh boy. Do you remember this one? >> Remember this. family? >> Yeah. He had to rap about the Adams. family and he had to start I remembered. in the rap he I know this is a long time. ago and people listening right now are. like Conan, what are you doing?

>> [laughter]. >> What are you doing? And my love I know I. have loved ones that tell me that all. the time. What are you doing? >> Yeah, everyone says it. >> Yeah. I think every conversation I have. with you sort of begins with you going, "What are you doing? >> What are you doing? >> What are you doing?" And you always do. it like that. What are you doing? >> Why do I have an accent? >> I don't know. And [laughter]. uh you're always making a meatball when. you say that to me. You're like, "What. are you doing? What are you doing? What. are you doing?" So anyway, so MC Hammer. was getting into the weeds. You know, some executive said, "You got to mention.

Fester, you [laughter] got to mention. Wednesday, you got to talk about Gomez, you got to talk about, you know, and. then, okay, uh, and you think, okay, Conan, that's one example. Have you got. more?" And I do have more. >> Oh my god, you've been prepared. >> You did research. >> No, I didn't do research. These are the. ones I wrote them down as they came to. me. I remembered vanilla ice ninja wrap. >> YES. >> OH MY GOD, I remember that. >> Yeah. And And of course, and of course, you know, Vanilla Ice is he and and no.

uh uh offense to was it Mr. Van Winkl? Was that his name in court in court. documents? Um and no offense to him, but. again, he had to get bogged down. probably in talking about various. ninjas. >> Go ninja, go ninja, go. Yeah, [laughter]. >> ninja go. >> And they started break dancing. >> And they start break dancing. And then. did he have to get into the plot? That's. my favorite thing is when they're like. Michelangelo has to get the blue jewel. It's it's it's [laughter] at a show and. he's performing. It's in the movie. They're at a concert and.

>> Of course it is. Of course it is. Uh. Bobby Brown Ghostbusters 2. >> Oh my god. >> Remember that one? >> Yes. >> And and and it it just goes on and on. and on and I love it. And the reason I. it all came back to mind is the other. day, you know, I like to uh sketch. You. know, that's one of my things that I. like to do. I'm a doodler. I'm a draw. I. like to draw. I like pen and ink. So I. went into I'll give him a shout out. Blicks Art Supply. Hey, >> I like I can hang out in the Blicks. forever. I just love pens, paper. Um,

yeah, I'm from the streets and. [laughter]. >> but I'm there and I'm, you know, checking out some of the latest uh cool, [laughter]. you know, cool pens out of Japan. Uh, and I you need an eraser that you can. need, you know, that's K ne a D, you. know, a kneading eraser. Anyway, [laughter]. I'm checking out. Yeah. And then I had. to go out and get laid, you know? But. that's the order that I like to do. things is I like to get the really good. Japanese pen, a needable eraser.

[laughter]. >> And then I had to go out, you know what. I mean? And spread my seat all. over town. >> That's just the order that I like to do. things. And if people think I came in. hot today, maybe I did because. >> uh I was in uh Blicks here on the west. side of Los Angeles. >> Blicks or Blick? >> Blick. It's just Blick. But I sometimes. I go in and I go like, "Hey, I'm going. to bl it up, you know." [laughter]. >> Okay. >> And then, "Watch out world, cuz I'm. coming after, you know, once I get my. supplies, [laughter].

>> the little bag, >> my little bag, >> Japanese pens.". >> That's when I like to stroll the. boulevard and check for action. [laughter]. >> Anyway, I'm in there and what do I hear? Oh my god, it's Pitbull [laughter]. and he's rapping about Men in Black. three. And sure enough, this rapper has. has had to bend the knee to the studio. executives and he's talking about we got. to go back in time and he's explaining. the plot. >> Do you know what I mean? And again, that.

always freaks me out when rappers, you. know. >> Yeah. Well, everybody needs I mean, imagine how much money they have. You. should try to do a rap for a movie. >> You know what? I I think maybe I'm. jealous that no one's asked. >> Toy Story 5. Toy Story 5. Thank you. Thank you. Now, my guess is Toy Story. 5's coming out soon. I'm in it. And I'm. a little I don't know. I guess I guess I. was thinking maybe in the back of my. mind they might want me involved in the.

soundtrack. Yeah. >> You know, no one wants to hear from Tim. Allen and Tom Hanks anymore. You know. what I mean? Been there, done that. This. is my chance to shine. >> I know Randy Newman typ typically does a. lot of the songs for the Toy Story. movies, but maybe we change it up this. time. >> Well, it's probably getting late. My. guess is they've figured this out. already because they've been working on. this movie for years. Um, but if they. haven't, and who's to say I can't rap? I. did a movie last year. People thought he. can't do a movie. Well, guess what I. did? So, I think I could rap the plot to.

a movie. >> I think you can, too. First of all, your. beatbox is Your Beatbox. There you go. >> That's your beatbox game is off the. chart. >> It's not even chart adjacent. Yeah, >> I'm like off the chart and then so far. away from the chart. >> that no one can even see a chart near. [laughter] me. You know what I mean? >> There's no clipboard. There's no chart. Insight. If you had binoculars, you. wouldn't see the chart. >> I've heard you rap before and you do a. throwback where you go, "My name is. Conan." I like to take it back say.

what everybody wants to hear right now. >> Early 80s. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Every rap should start with my name is. Blank, whoever you are. In my case, Conan. My name [laughter] is Conan. And. I'm here to say I'm here to rap the USA. That's how every rap should start. >> You also throw Superman into any. Superman rides really well. Superman. Yeah, I got te about Superman's lost. escape an hour ago. You know, if you. beuh. >> it's a lot of. >> because I like to say uh you know those. bills will acrue. Um and then you won't.

be able to afford your beef, which was. my favorite meal in high school. The. cafeteria had beef. It's a juicy beef. >> Those are real hard lyrics. >> Um quiet. I mean, I respect Uh-oh. I'm. getting a call. All right. Now, from my. What do you think Rick Cell wants? That's my manager, Rick Ros. I thought. you were doing a bit and agent Rick. Rosen. Maybe he Maybe he's going to let. you know there's a rap. >> Hey, Rick. Rick, you're on right now. This is Rick Rosen. He's one of the. biggest agents in Hollywood. >> Yeah. Hi, Rick. >> In that Sona and uh and Blaze back there. and and and David. Rick, here's my.

question. Do you think they've locked in. the Toy Story 5 um soundtrack? Is that. probably locked in already? Or do you. think there's a chance I could do a song. that would be in Toy Story 5? >> A rap. >> A rap. A rap. >> I think I think that if you were going. to sing a song, they'd erase the. soundtrack that they have already locked. >> it. So you're saying that if Randy. Newman has already written like a great. song that's a tearjerker, but also a. beautiful melody because I love Randy.

Newman and it's set. If I said, if you. called them right now, you know, Disney, Pixar, and said Conan wants to rap about. the plot of Toy Story 5, they would. delete. I don't mean just bump it, but. [laughter] delete what Randy Newman has. done. >> I think they might even move the release. date. >> Oh my god. [laughter]. Oh, now we know why Rick We know why. Rick's been around. We know why Rick's. been around for a long time. >> You know what, Rick? You're the best. agent in the business. I can't I'm so.

glad I took this call and um I'm going. to jump off now, but I will call you. back when we're done wasting America's. time. I I'll call you right back. Um. [laughter]. >> I just hung up on him. That's how big I. am. >> This guy runs Hollywood. And I just And. guess what? I now don't have an agent. [laughter]. >> That was fantastic. And you know what? That's why that was perfect timing. >> Just surrounded by enablers. >> I'm so Hey, hello Sona. How are you? [laughter]. You're my biggest enabler. Haha. Good.

one, boss. [laughter]. >> Um, so anyway, that is the goal. The. goal is I want to rap and I really want. to get into the weeds on the plot cuz. that's my favorite thing is when the. rapper's like, they got to get the. jewel, they got to take it up to that. mountain. You know what I mean? They've. got to meet Papa Smurf. Do you know what. I mean? And then they got to go back in. time. But remember, don't crossfur. [laughter] Do you know what I mean? >> Don't cross the the whatever the purple.

river because that means that uh what's. another Smurf? >> Uh Smurfett. >> Don't say it like I'm an idiot. >> Smurfett. You idiot. The girl one. >> Okay. Well, anyway, >> one girl. >> These are the obsessions that I have. They grip me. And what did I do, Eduardo? Why don't you testify? I come. in hot today. And what did I make you. do? >> You made me play pitbulls back in time. >> Yeah. And you know what I [laughter]. did? I had to advance it to where? >> 44 seconds.

>> I said go 44 seconds in. I said start at. 44 seconds because that's where Pitbull. comes in with the rap. I don't want to. waste time not hearing Pitbull rap. Not. only that, oh my god, >> Conan texts me days in advance warning. me that he wants this to be the high. How do you know that? How do you listen. to it in your car? >> Well, you. duh. That's such a big duh. You know. what? I had to unlock my jaw [laughter]. to get this duh out like a snake. I had. to unlock my jaw to push more duh out of.

my [laughter] face. Yes, I heard pitbull. in a Blick's art supply store, right? With a Blick. And sorry, Blick. [laughter] Arts whatever. >> If they're going to give us free. you got to give their right name. Blick. >> I don't know. Who cares? They're lucky. I'm talking about them. [laughter] And. uh and and I I hear it. I'm obsessed. I. get in the car. I have to hear it some. more. Then I notice when Okay, I really. like it when it starts right in on the. on the rapping with Pitbull. There's a.

big preamble that takes 44 seconds. [laughter] before we get to hear about. Miami. You got to go back in time. >> He knows the exact seconds. >> No, I did. Well, that's what I'm saying. I know exactly what seconds. So, I said, and then I come in today. >> verse two. You're like, wait, wait, verse two. >> Yeah, I know. Ex What are you talking. about? You you played it three times in. the car when we drove around yesterday. >> And now I fooled David. So David was. driving me around yesterday. I make him.

wear a chauffeur cap, which I think is. illegal. And I sit in the back of his. What is What kind of car do you drive? Ay Hyundai. >> Yeah. He sit I sit in the back of his. Hyundai and I make him wear a tiny tiny. chauffeur cap. [laughter] It's It looks. like a little Yamaka on his head. >> and it's got a little rubber band that. holds it on his head. So I'm sitting in. the back and I and I fooled you because. I said cuz I've been playing with a band. recently and I said, "Oh, we worked out. a really good tune and we have a. recording of it." And he went, "Oh, really?" And I went, "Yeah, do you want. to hear it? It's the first recording.". And he went, "Yeah." And I started to.

play Pitbulls back in time and you for a. second. >> What did you think? >> I turned and I said, "You really. recorded this with the. >> I don't know. I'm usually I don't know. what happened to me. >> You can't tell when Mr. Worldwide is is. I thought like he made the band play it. >> and then he got me again later. >> and then he started to hear the rap and. it's Pitbull rapping and he thought for. a second I guess Conan could have done. that. >> Oh no. Oh blasphemy. >> And then later he said, "Hey, can I plug.

my phone in? I've been really into this. Tate McCrae song.". >> And then he went, "Okay, I'd like to. hear that." And then I hit, of course, what did I hit? Pitbull back in time. And blasted you again. AND YOU WERE. LIKE, "WHY DO I BELIEVE HIM? I've got to. I really want to play this new Tate. McCrae song." [laughter]. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me. twice, you're David Hopping. [laughter]. My guest today stars as Sal Sapperstein. in the Emmy award-winning Apple TV Plus. series, The Studio. He now has a new.

trivia podcast called Funny, You Ask, with new episodes every Wednesday. He's. a very funny guy, and I've always. enjoyed him very much. and uh excited. he's here today. Ike Baron Holtz, welcome. [music]. I'm so happy you're here. You are uh a. fine fellow, hilariously funny, and now. we get to hang. Now, we had a brief. interaction recently at a pizza.

restaurant, and I remembered saying, I. think to the waiter, "Can you escort. this man away?". >> Yes. Yes. I was there with my family. was my daughter's birthday. >> Mhm. >> And all I did was I just gave Conan a. wave across the restaurant and we sat. down. Couple minutes later, some of the. staff came out and said, "Sir, you need. to leave.". >> I signaled them. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Which was it was. >> And they took you away from your. daughter. >> Yeah. No. >> And then she started crying and she. said, "Why they take my daddy away?" And. I said, "SHUT IT." [laughter]. >> Which And now when we ever we see Conan.

on screen, my daughter goes, "Daddy.". >> Yeah. >> She points at him and goes, "Daddy.". which is nice. I'm fine with it now. after a lot of ketamine therapy. [laughter] I'm okay with it. I. legitimately want to be your friend. I. think a lot of phonies come on this show. and they say, "Oh, I want to be your. friend." And they they don't care. >> They don't. And you know what? I try to. follow up with a lot of them. >> I can't get through. >> No one wants to talk to me. >> I'm here cuz I truly want to be your. friend more so than these vipers. >> Yes. >> These are not your friends. They are. happy when you fail.

>> They are the little fish that grab on to. the larger, more productive mammal. and. um suck it of its life essence. >> Yeah. Yeah. I won't I won't suck your. essence. [laughter]. >> You will. >> No matter how much you ask. >> If you want to get ahead in this. business, you will suck my [laughter]. essence. >> It's the way it goes. Um Ike, we have a. lot to talk about and uh first of all, I. am a huge fan of the studio and I love. your work in the studio. You also have. this new podcast which is trivia based.

which I'm very excited about because I. know you to be. >> a uh a trivia maven. >> I am. I was going to say maven and you. beat me to it. >> You are a [laughter]. Jeopardy celebrity Jeopardy champ. >> Yes. >> You won a million dollar for charity of. which I'm told you took $600,000. [clears throat]. >> Well, I you know the phrase you got to. wet your beak. >> Yes. >> Yeah. The ch the charity got money. [laughter]. They got paid. They're fine. >> It was for I think pediatric oncology.

>> Yes. >> And you took $600,000. [laughter]. >> First of all, if you said to someone, I. want to give you $400,000. That sounds. pretty great, right? >> Let's leave that there. [laughter]. I have an infrastructure. I have. business. I have people that I have to. pay to make sure that I'm able to get to. Jeopardy. >> Okay. You talk that way, Ike. But when I. saw you at the pizza restaurant in Santa. Barbara, I did notice when you left, cuz. I made you leave. >> Yeah. >> That you got into a very expensive.

Bugatti. [laughter]. >> Yes. >> And the license plate was number four. charity. [laughter]. >> That's When I say I'm playing for. charity, [laughter] you don't specify. it. Did I get a Bugatti that has four. cars for my family? Yes. [laughter] We. drive up and down Monoscto. You've seen. everyone's seen a motorcycle with a pod. A pod here, a pod here, a pod in the. back, and the pod fronting. They're all. lashed. It's smaller Bugattis attached.

to the larger Bugatti. >> and they're lashed together. So, they. take up both lanes. >> Yes. >> Oncoming. >> So, cars have to He has a You have a car. that goes ahead of you. >> Yeah. You have a follow car. You don't. have a follow car. >> Well, you have a follow car that goes. ahead of you and lays down orange cones. to keep people off the road. This is why. I need money to pay these people. They. don't work for free. >> You [laughter]. That's what I All I wanted. to say was to get Ike Baron told who's. everyone's LIKE, "OH, HE'S SO FUNNY. He's such a good guy.

>> Ripped off this charity in the name of. charity." Jeopardy. >> Ridiculous. >> I also won a million dollars on. Celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire. >> That's true. >> Yeah. So, I've done two celebrity. >> How much money? And you got to keep all. that money. >> That money went straight to me, baby. No, that went [laughter] They both. Everything went to charity. every. diamond to charity. Unfortunately, >> this has kept me off these charity. shows. I won't I I I'm sorry. It has I'm. just be I'm sorry. I can't do it. I. can't do it. I work hard. I don't want.

to go on Celebrity Jeopardy if I'm not. getting a major piece of that dough. >> Okay. >> And that's just been my policy since day. one. [laughter]. You know, >> I do think you would do a good job. >> I think it keeps charitable. organizations, they get soft if they. just get the money. Do you know what I. mean? They got to work for it. earn it and it will make them stronger. >> Anyway, this may be an unpopular stance. [laughter]. >> and if anyone thinks that I'm on the. wrong track here, feel free to let us. know on I don't care.org.

[laughter]. >> It is good that you guys got an. organizational status for that. >> That is that to me that's reeks of.com. [laughter]. >> But you guys did the paperwork, you paid. the the the fees, and now it's an. organization. >> Not all the fee, but okay. [laughter]. Um, listen, we could squirrel on like. this all day and make me very happy, but. so much to talk about. Uh, we have. points of commonality here and that's. always a good place to start, which is I. remember it being. >> and I've thought about this a lot. recently. Um, that my interest in comedy.

really began with my dad and I know that. similar dynamic with you growing up. Chicago area, right? >> Big comedy house. Mom and dad both. Uh, loved SCTV, >> loved Saturday Night Live and some of my. early love Taxi. I remember like my. first memory was them watching Taxi. >> and thinking like Jim was funny and but. there is something about them laughing. that it's very nurturing. That's why.

because I don't want my kids to be in. comedy. We don't laugh at all in the. house. [laughter]. We watch serious documentaries. Yeah, I. I watch comedy, but I wear an iron mask. so they can't see that I'm laughing. [laughter]. >> And so I've watched some of the funniest. stuff wearing an iron mask. >> After watching Step Brothers and just a. full mask, >> just a full mask, noulation. I've. painted I Well, actually, I didn't paint. it. I'll admit to that. I had a very. good artist paint a frown. >> on the iron mask. So that Yeah, I cuz I.

don't It's the same thing. I want them. both working for the uh any kind of. electric company. >> Yes, that's steady. Good steady work for. the power grid. Everyone needs power. >> So you're watching your parents laugh. and then you get this jolt and one of. the cool things about your story is that. >> you very literally then pulled your dad. as you had success as you've had success. over the years. >> you have taken your dad along right. >> and and given him his chance cuz he. didn't go into comedy. My dad was a.

research scientist, doctor. Researcher. nerd. I [laughter] should have said. that. That was Sorry. I apologize. I. apologize. >> He told me he was a jock. >> Yeah. Sorry, guys. But he said it as he. was holding a microscope [laughter] and. wearing very short Bermuda shorts. That's when I knew. [laughter] I am. When someone tells me, and he didn't say jock, he said I'm a. real jockster. [laughter]. So, I suspected that wasn't the case. Uh. my dad wanted to be in comedy and he.

auditioned for Second City when he was. like really young and and and then he it. was just like too hard and my mom was. pregnant and he was like I'm just going. to go to law school. Let's go to law. school and make become an attorney and. have steady work. And then he kind of. took me to see my first improv show. And. I remember seeing like Amy Polar and. Chris Farley. Tim Meadows in particular. was so funny that I was like I want to. do this. And then years later, my. brother did it. And our dad was watching. from the outside looking. He was.

watching from the inside looking out. >> And long story short, he a couple years. ago got a call to put himself on tape. for a random show where they needed a. judge and that became jury duty. And now. he is an LA based actor. [laughter]. >> He's doing a movie right now with. Jennifer Gardner. >> I'm not kidding. [laughter]. >> And it's pretty wonderful. >> His career has far outstripped yours. Oh, me and my brother are. >> And the reason you're here today is he. canceled. >> Yeah. Okay. That's that's what it was. >> He was the big gap.

>> That's what it was. Okay. I get it. >> Is Allan is your dad, right? Alan is my. dad. >> Yeah. And so what's so cool is that and. and uh working on the studio. Um he. played a part in the studio. Didn't he. have a camera? >> He played the projectionist on the. studio. I know you're a fan of the. studio because um [laughter]. I I uh felt like everyone was destroyed. when we lost Katherine O'Hara. >> Yes. >> And she had this memorial service and my. family and I were appropriately in. Canada that weekend so we couldn't go.

[snorts]. >> And I talked to Seth Rogan when I got. back. I was like, "How was it?" He goes, "It was really beautiful. It was really. sad." Conan came up to me. [clears throat] and he said, "She was. incredible in the show.". >> Yeah. >> If you're replacing her, I would like to. be considered. Yeah. [laughter]. >> Yeah, I did. I did. And I was. >> Oh, man. >> I was Yeah. And I I thought it was. >> I It was the memorial and I had an 8. by10 [laughter]. >> and it had the quad split of me as a. nerd. >> on a safari. >> Yeah. On a safari. Me as an ice cream.

vendor. [laughter]. >> Ice cream vendor. It's a real neutral. specific. >> Yeah. And Seth said, "I don't think this. is the right time.". >> Yeah. >> And I said, "When is the right time? would later today be okay. >> So, that was that's on me. >> That is on you. Um, but they're still. trying to figure it out. So, yeah, [laughter]. >> the season's done. >> I get mistaken for a woman a lot, so. that's in my favor. >> I live in this neighborhood, so I see. you. I remember I was I was at my vet.

one time and I saw you walking down the. street and there was a guy in front of. you who clearly worked with you and you. were slapping him on the shoulder as. hard as he could. be a writer. Probably. a writer. >> It's like shaking. [laughter]. >> That would be either Mike Sweeney or. Matt O'Brien. I have I have certain. writers and Matt O'Brien in particular. No relation. I tell everyone he was my. cousin and I had to hire him even though. he's not funny. [laughter] And he's a. brilliant writer. He's really funny. He's no relation. It's just such a.

common last name. But um I'm very. comfortable uh giving him a physical. beating. And uh I'm very tactile, too. I. touch people. I I kind of grabbed my. friends and. >> I grew up with a lot of there's a lot of. uh grabbing wrestling and growing up. >> Irish Catholics and Jews are both. tactile like we like to touch. >> I like to get my hands on uh consenting. males. >> Um and um it's uh.

>> yeah, that covers it for the law. Um. [laughter]. I think I'm okay now. I'm good now. >> You're doing this outside. I'm just. Yeah. Yeah. Out on the street. Yeah. Just out in the street. >> You know, Matt O'Brien can take a. beating. >> I know, but you're There's people who. recognize you like, "Why is Conan doing. that today?". >> I'll just say later on that wasn't me. [laughter]. >> It was a different six. You're not. recognizable at all. >> Um, well, here's the thing. Because you. talk about comedy and these influences, the studio, I was really happy that that.

[clears throat] I heard you say this in. an interview, but I do love the studio. And then I heard you [clears throat]. talking a while ago about how much the. Larry Sanders show meant to you and I. thought, "Oh, this is interesting to me. because I love the Larry Sanders Show.". And there's a similarity in between. Larry Sanders and the studio. They're. both about the business and there are. specific ways if you're in show business. >> um that you can pick apart certain.

things and say, "Well, well, that's not. really how it is." And for me, watching. Larry Sanders back when I was doing a. late night show and there was one writer. on the show. [laughter]. >> Right. Right. Right. >> And Larry would be Lang. >> Yeah. I would see things that if you're. in it, you can pick apart, but those are. irrelevant because they're getting the. essential soul of it. Right. >> Also, I think too, if you did like an. exact version of what it's like, it. would be kind of boring, right? It would. be like it's like, oh, we're in a car.

or we're driving to the lot and we're. going to talk to a director and in real. life they show up, they say hi for a few. minutes and then they leave. But we want. people to watch it. >> Yes. [laughter] And also I always want. to believe when I'm backstage that there. will be show girls, two people in a. horse costume. Classic. >> I wanted to do a late night show that. had that backstage. So that almost. influenced what kind of comedy we did. I. wanted horse costumes. I wanted people. dressed as soldiers. I wanted.

masturbating bears. >> I wanted masturbating bears. I wanted. all that backstage, you know. >> Shout out Brian Stack, by the way. >> Brian Stack. >> Conan O'Brien, legend, Brian Stack. >> Yeah. >> Uh he is. And you know what? I had a. very sweet moment with Steven Colbear. Uh because Brian Stack, one of the great. all-time writers and writer performers. uh on my show, who did so many great. characters and was so prolific and was. such a voice of the show. >> Um he went to work for Steven Colbear.

after we shut our thing down and um has. done great work for him for many years. I went, this is a couple of months ago. I'm in New York. I call Steve and he. says, "Come on by." and I went and I'm. hanging out in Steven's office and we're. chatting for a long time about different. things, late night, war stories and then. he had to get to rehearsal and he was. going to show me out or have his uh his. assistant show me out and so we would. leave his office and there's a flat. screen up in his uh assistant's office.

right outside his office in the Ed. Sullivan Theater and on the screen. they're rehearsing a comedy piece and. it's Brian Stack wearing a ridiculous. costume with his wife Miriam, incredibly. talented Miriam, uh, and incredible. actress, really funny, and such a great, uh, uh, such a big part of our late. night show as well. They're both on. screen going like, "AH, YOU LISTEN. HERE." AND THEY'RE WEARING RIDICULOUS. COSTUMES. And I'm looking at it and I. realize I was looking at that in 1993.

>> Yeah. >> On [laughter] the screen as I went down. to my late night show. Here it is, 2025. at the time, and nothing's changed. Stack looks a little older. Niriam looks. exactly the same. And they're like, "Now. you listen here. I'm going to TELL YOU. RIGHT NOW." YOU KNOW, [laughter] WE'RE. THE WATERMELON HEADS or whatever. And. Colbear and I just lost it. Like there's. no escaping. this that face on a rehearsal cam and it.

will exist forever. [laughter]. >> But I have to talk to you about this. You had this experience. >> Yes. >> Because you. >> a threesome. >> You [laughter]. what? >> What is it? It says here a sixome. >> Well, there was. >> you had a threesome twice. I see you had. a threesome twice. >> Different separated by many hours. >> The [laughter] math. Okay. It says here. six. >> Six. >> You know what? I love my research says. here six [laughter]. >> Yeah. Six No, it's three.

Six. Three veg. OKAY. >> I'M TELLING YOU what h your researcher. is incredibly base. >> Oh, and there I [laughter] have to say. Yeah. Three drawings, too. >> Let me see. >> Oh, that is me. That is me. [laughter]. Okay, take it back. The guy's working. hard. >> You're giving uh. >> high-fiving the cameraman. Um [laughter]. >> well, it's my dad. He's my friend. [laughter]. and and he also happens to be doing a. great job. Get it, son. Get it.

[laughter] Um just like I told him. >> Got to go. >> You know what? Tell Allan that he's. mentioned [laughter]. >> in the podcast. Got to listen the whole. way. >> You got to listen to the whole thing. When you get to the sixome where you're. filming me. >> and you're listening with mom, just do. me a favor and be like, "Uh, I'm losing. the signal or something." [laughter] And. I just hit that plus 15. >> I don't know what happened there. >> Did they say sex? No. No. [laughter]. Uh, they said Rexom. Uh, >> Rexom. >> Rexom.

>> They talked about [laughter] Ryan. Reynolds football team. >> Um, >> what's wrong with you? >> What's wrong? What's wrong with me? It's. him. He's the one that did. >> I went there. I went there. I apologize. >> So, the um [laughter]. >> there's this thing that I heard about. years and years ago. One of the early. early travel things I did, travel shows. I did was I went to I can't remember. I. think it was related to some kind of. promotion. They were going to have our. late night show appear in some European. markets. They asked me to go to. Amsterdam and I also think maybe.

Cologne, Germany. And so I traveled. there and thought, well, we should. record this. So we're in Amsterdam and I. only found out later on that there I. think I was stopped by someone on the. street who said, "Hey, Conan, we're a. bunch of Americans who are doing. uh improv." Uh, which was how I began. It was an improv, not standup. And he. said, "We're doing improv uh here in. Amsterdam. Can you stop by?" And I. remember saying, "I'll try to" and then.

I couldn't because we were busy shooting. all this stuff. And also, I just didn't. want to go. Um, [laughter]. which I didn't I didn't have to mention. Why do that? Why not just say I was too. busy? >> Well, no, but I get it. You're in a. foreign country. You're working. Saying. to someone, "You want to watch some. improv?" Is it can be a tall order, especially for someone who's done. improv. But it was very mean what you. said. Please continue. [laughter]. >> Very hard, >> but I'm remembering now how not busy I. was. >> Well, now you're just gilding the mean. lily, I [laughter] would say. Yeah. No, I had my my research. I put my schedule. in.

>> Two whole days of nothing to do in. Amsterdam. >> in 1999. >> Yeah. [laughter] Just nothing. >> I have nothing. It's a tundra. It's a. vast. >> All I have is wake up and see the. Matrix. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> See the Matrix twice, it says. [laughter]. >> And then question mark question mark. Nothing else to do. >> Um, they wrote that down. I did not have. uh I didn't have time to go do it. But. then I later found out from Seth Meyers.

that he was part of that troop at that. time. Um and I'm thinking I wish I had. gone by and met everybody because that'd. be cool and see what they were up to. And it's this thing called Boom Chicago. that's in Amsterdam. And you did this. >> Yes. I replaced Seth basically. >> Right. Right. Like it was like 1994. Like these three American guys are. backpacking through Europe and they love. Amsterdam and they're like this is the. best city. The comedy is terrible. The. comedy scene in Amsterdam at the time. was still like old European cabaret.

stuff where it's like. >> you know uh Hans and Yope. And in the. second act he will wear a dress, >> right? >> And it was like what the. >> It always ends with let's go buy some. wooden shoes. [laughter]. >> Yes. >> Was the blow to every sketch. >> It a lot of clogs. A lot of clogs. very. clog heavy. [laughter] Um, and so. they're like, "What if we opened a. second city style theater that was some. sketch, some music, some improv and. stuff?" And at first it was just like uh. like five or six of them in the back of.

a bar. I believe Miriam uh Flynn was one. of the Tolen was one of the first ones. rather. >> Um, Miriam Stack. >> Miriam later Miriam Stack. And uh, by. the time I got there, it was like a big. theater like like it was like a 250 300. seat dinner theater. And the appeal if. you were in Chicago for me was like, "Oh, you don't need a day job anymore.". Cuz I had a horrible day job that was. killing me. And then at night, I would. do improv. And to go, I'd never been to. Europe. I was 22 years old. And I went.

and I had a threesome every day. [laughter] I was there for two years. That's like 7 That's like 21,000 sexual. experiences I had with all different. people. A lot of A lot of. >> Once you're in it, it doesn't matter. This was this was in the '9s. This was. >> different time. >> Yeah. Before 911. Um and uh it was uh. but it was incredible. I got there and I. learned how to perform big [laughter]. >> because in Chicago I was doing a ton of. improv in Chicago. And in Chicago you.

can kind of you can score without having. to go big. In Chicago you can come in. and drop a really funny reference. You. can play like kind of a cool character. and you're in a small room. You're going. to get a big laugh. But going there and. having to perform for people who don't. speak English necessarily, uh, or don't. understand your reference base at all. Yeah. Uh, that taught me how to, I. think, like be bigger and kind of. perform for for the masses. Well, I when. I was 22, senior in college, and about.

to graduate, I knew I was like, I don't. want to do standup, but I'm very. interested in improv. And a lot of. people in 1985, I would say, I want to. do improv. They didn't know what it was. Um, and so I wrote a letter to Solins. Bernie Solins. Bernie Sins. I found out. the name Bernie Solins. I wrote a letter. and it was this very formal. I wish I. had a copy of it. It was very formal. typed letter that said, "Dear Mr. Solins, my name's Conan O'Brien and I'd.

been, you know, president of Lampoon and. I've done all this work in comedy and I. wish now to do improv and I would like. to come to Chicago. Is there a way I. could join your troop?" I didn't know. about the classes. I didn't know. Right. And I basically got like a form letter. back that said um I was I was asking. basically can I come be a part of the. show as opposed to can I move to. Chicago, start taking classes and try. and work my way in. I just didn't know. what it was all about. >> Um I got a sort of a form letter back. saying that's not really how it works. Bernie Sandins just took some of his.

cigar ashes in an envelope and there you. go. Bernie S has a famous line where. they were he was directing a Second City. show or something and someone was. pitching a sketch and another actor was. like, "Yeah, but we kind of did a. version of this sketch in the last show. It's kind of the same joke." And Bernie. Solace goes, "Look, >> there's seven jokes." [laughter]. >> And it's all about how you tell them. >> Seven jokes. >> Yeah. He's like, "There's only seven. real. [laughter]. extra bonus ones, right?" Uh yeah,

sausage and then uh yeah, the cups. Yeah, >> dick. [laughter]. >> Da and then sausage. >> But I uh. >> yeah, I was intrigued by that. And so. when you guys talk about. >> there was a um I mean it didn't exist. when I was going there, but the idea of. being 22 and living in Amsterdam and. doing comedy, >> I would go I almost want to do that now. You can. >> like I at at my age I I would want to go.

and do it now because. >> I could make one phone call and you will. be in the Boom Chicago cast. They would. [laughter] be thrilled to have you. You're going to have to fire one of the. younger current cast members, but the. juice is worth the squeeze. [laughter]. >> I was going to say that same saying and. then I realized I don't know what it. means [laughter]. and I've never heard of it before and. that's why I didn't say it. Um, [laughter]. I think it's funny when someone who's. established in their career and very old.

and has like really is set financially. goes and takes work away from young. people. [laughter]. >> It's the funniest thing you can do. It's. funny to me. It's funny and it's a good. life lesson for them. >> Yeah. >> Work hard or not, it doesn't matter. Someone more famous and rich might come. in and take your anyway. >> Like Conan O'Brien can come in and go, "This Hey, you know what? This amuses. me. [laughter]. Great job you got here. Would be a shame. if something happened to it like I took. it. I'm going to LIVE IN THE FANCIEST. house in Amsterdam. My house is on a.

boat. >> Yeah, I'm going to [laughter] have a big. boat house and I'M GOING TO DROP BY AND. DO SOME BAD IMPROV [laughter] AND YOU. can hit the road. This is I'm so happy with all these life. choices I'm making here. [laughter]. >> Well, I I think that just sounds. fantastic. It sounds. >> It was so much fun and it was a great. group. It was, you know, Seth Myers, I. kind of replaced him, but he would come. back a lot. His brother Josh Meyers was. there, uh, Jordan Peele was there, Jason.

Sedakus, Liz Kakowski, K. Can Cannon, Joel Benjamin, all these great. performers uh, were there, and it was a. really great time, too. It was 99, 2000. It was before the Euro, so we used to. have the Gilder. You were on the Dutch. Gilder and it was two gilders to a. dollar. >> Isn't that crazy? I remember you guys. having leather pouches with gold coins. in them. [laughter]. >> Had leather pouches. You'd be paid by. someone tossing you a leather pouch and. you'd catch it. >> That was basically what it was. >> Tie it to your saddle bag and go. [laughter]. >> Get on our mule and go back to our. village. It was a beautiful It was.

really beautiful. It was a special time. for me. >> Nice show you tonight. Here's a sack of. gilders. [laughter]. >> But we still go back. I took my family. there last year and and uh it's. Amsterdam is an amazing city. Really one. of the greatest uh cities in the world. I love it. And that has nothing to do. with the uh abundant legal drugs. That's. a separate thing that I love. >> Has nothing to do with the charm and and. feel of the city. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And the drugs, you know, >> the drugs are good, >> which we have now in Los Angeles.

>> I know. >> Do you guys have any here? >> Should we do some [laughter]. now? Do you ever do that? Do you ever. micro dose? Do you ever do any of that? No, >> I don't really. >> for for like any moral reasons or you. just get that point. >> It's not It was not uh No, nothing. I. make I don't have any uh moral judgment. about it at all. I really don't. I just. um didn't ever feel like it was my. thing. And mostly I've been spending a. lifetime trying to understand my mind.

So the idea of throwing some cuckoo. juice in there didn't appeal to me as. much. [laughter]. >> You know what I mean? Putting in a an. accelerant or anything weird thing in. there always felt to me like no no no. I'm it's everything I can do to get this. thing to settle down. [laughter] What if. I told you by doing it it could help you. understand your mind deeper? >> Yeah. >> What if I don't want to understand it? [laughter]. >> What if I'm happy with this level of. understanding? >> Trying to get to the grave. [laughter].

>> My god. >> I look at the grave the way other a. tired person looks at a well-made bed. [laughter]. I just want to pull up the soil around. me and go night. [laughter]. >> Soon, my love. Soon. Soon the grave. beckons. The grave. Um, [laughter]. this is your fault. You know what? I. blame Ike. I really do. I blame you. >> I blame you, too, >> because you're an accelerant for this. kind of foolishness. >> I am. I am. >> Um, we could do this.

>> for thousands of hours, you and I, which. is the lovely part of uh having you. here. But I want. >> Which is why I should be your friend, cuz I know some of your friends in real. life, and I'm better than them. >> And guess what? [laughter] I know who. you're talking about. >> I would rather swap out. >> I'm going to say his name on the count. of three. One, two, three. Paul. >> Paul Rudd. [laughter]. >> Here's what I'm going to say about Paul. Rudd. He's richer. He's more famous. He's funnier. He's better looking. I am. younger and I am more loyal.

>> Yes. To my friends. >> Yes. Also, you know, Paul Rudd, and if. you're listening, Paul, I'm speaking. directly to you. [laughter]. >> He comes and goes with the tide. When. Paul's tide is up, you know what I mean? Yes. >> I don't hear from him. Yes. >> You know, but God forbid there's a. setback or a movie that doesn't quite. hit. >> Then he's comes running back. >> He comes running back. He's like, "Hey, Ka, what are you doing? What are you. doing? What are you doing? Cuna, what. are you doing?" But then the second. things start to hit again for Paul as. they always do cuz he's just doesn't age.

and he's perpetually successful. Then. he's gone again. >> You won't have that problem with me. Nothing hits. >> Right. I I [laughter] will always be. there. I'm a loyal I'm a loyal friend. >> Your You know what? Your career is. consistently ice cold. >> It's just Yeah. It's just never. interesting or good. And that's why I'm. [laughter]. ice cold. Ice cold. >> Well, >> frozen. Frozen. >> Just absolutely frozen. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Oh, you got Oh, I got a critic's choice. award for my character in the I bet you.

did. You came He came in. [laughter]. >> Did you see what he was wearing when he. came in? He had his critic's choice. award made into a necklace. >> and he had it and it was like 26 pounds. by. fan. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Listen. >> It was like flavor flaves clock. [laughter]. >> and he's That's shows the kids I know. what time it is. >> We were just about to get the word out. on whatever project [laughter]. on him. >> Sorry. >> I was about to I know. I was about to do. the professional part. Um, we have to.

just take a a second here and. acknowledge you're hilarious as Sal. Sapperiststein in the studio. You were. so funny in that role. It's funny. because you had a very specific idea for. who this guy is. And I know there are a. bunch of execs, many execs come to you. and say, >> "Oh, that's based on me, isn't it?". >> Because yes, they're all self-involved, but they all see themselves in what. you've created with S. >> Which says a lot about them, by the way. [laughter] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There are. definitely times where there's guys and.

ladies that I know who are studio execs. who will say that like, "Oh, yeah, you. stole that from me." I'm like, "Yes.". And then there's some that are like, "I. know you got that from me." And I'm. like, "I didn't. I'm struggling to. remember your name right now, >> but uh I I did not take that from you.". Uh but I think people see what they want. in the part. And uh it's really based a. lot off of my friend Eric Buyers, who's. an executive at Universal, except for he. doesn't do drugs and is very. responsible, right? But uh they love the. uh some of them love they the the work. isn't exciting making the movie is.

exciting but they want to where are we. going to dinner afterwards and that's. like my cornerstone of like where are we. going to go to dinner? Where are we. going to dinner tonight? >> Yeah, that's me too. >> Yeah. Well, dinner isn't for It's not. even noon yet. [laughter] Let me do. this. Really hungry. >> And I eat I'm I'm from Madrid, so I eat. at 10:00 at night. [laughter]. And I always forget you were born and. raised. You immigrated here when you. were 19. >> I have the face of Madrid [laughter] on. >> Look at my face. It's so Madrid. Yeah.

No, no, but it's always 10:00 at night. It's always paella. That's [laughter]. what Yeah. >> Um, always 10, always paella. >> I just got back from Italy, by the way. We were shooting the studio in Venice. for two weeks. >> How great is that? >> It was It was amazing. is an experience. you're having that makes me so jealous. that. >> you'd be part of something where they. say your job is to go live in Venice. >> and yeah, you're working, but then I'm. I'm sure there are times where you're. not working and it's time to go watch.

someone blow glass and drink really good. wine. >> Sorry, just this is Venice Beach. [laughter]. >> Yeah, they had me stand at a motor in. off Lincoln. >> Also, you have a travel show. >> Yeah. >> I don't know what you're talking about. You. >> I just remember You know what? I just. remembered who I am. [laughter]. >> I thought I was Gallagher 2, which is. Gallagher's brother, who I think is. dead. >> One of them is not with us anymore. >> I think neither one is with us now. >> They both went. >> I think Gallagher 2 went to mourn. Gallagher and fell into the [laughter].

grave. >> This just sets up Gallagher 3. This is. finally his time to shine. >> Then Gallagher 3 was there and was like, I should probably pay my respects. NO. >> Watermelon [laughter] explodes out of. the grave. No, what I'm saying is [laughter]. I guess what I'm thinking about is when. I do these travel shows, it's go go go. all the time, but if I was playing a. part and they said, "We don't need you. for 6 hours." That would be very. different. >> There was a couple times,

>> never happens on a travel show. >> There was a couple times where I was not. needed and I got to go explore Venice. and I saw them blowing the glass and I. went and drank a ton of spritzes. I had. dinner I had dinner with Michael Keaton. >> Oh, >> wow. Oh, it's a big one. >> What was he Was he there as part of the. show? >> He was sitting with his girlfriend at a. different table and I was sitting next. to them and I kept saying, "Michael, it's Ike from the studio and he didn't. you didn't acknowledge me at any point, but we were in the same restaurant. This. is the same thing you did to me at the. pizza restaurant.". >> Well, no, he No, you actively said, "I.

want him gone." Michael completely. ignored me the entire time. Good. >> Like I was And I was next to them. >> You know what it's called in LA when. someone's bothering you at a table? The. Baron Holts. [laughter]. >> No. The other day I was at an In-N-Out. and I'm just trying to enjoy my shake. and this guy gave me the full Baron. Holtz. [laughter]. >> I don't know who the he was. It. turns out it was Michael Keaton. Hey. Conan. Conan, remember me? I was in. Batman and I was like, "What do you give. me the Baron Holtz for?" [laughter]. >> I'm trying to enjoy my shake. >> I'm trying to I'm trying to sit at a. table alone and enjoy my shake at.

In-N-Out and you're giving me the full. Baron Holtz. [laughter]. >> Do you I mean this is who you are. This. is my namesake and I'm fine with that. and [laughter] it's something that my. daughters will have to kind of carry. with them throughout their lives. >> Wasn't even booked today and he comes in. and gives us [laughter] the full. >> Baron Hulk. >> I'm here. I'm here. Good luck getting. rid of me now. >> I'm part of the show now. >> He lives here. [laughter]. >> Um Jesus. Uh. >> all right. So I want to talk about this. new project. >> Yes. >> You love trivia. You've always loved.

trivia. You're very good at trivia as. you've proven uh on these different. shows. Are you good at trivia? >> I think I have uh my brain knows a lot. of different strange things it shouldn't. know, but I don't have command of it. >> Meaning, I don't think I could just go. bang bang bang. >> Let's find out cuz I brought some. >> cuz I don't recall, you know, and I'll. be like, >> it's not true. You would be crushed at. trivia. >> Here we go. So, this is just trivial. pursuit. I think this is like genius. three. >> So, I'm just going to run through these. What city's Lord and Taylor boasts the.

Waker Grand, the second largest pipe. organ in the world? >> [laughter]. >> Yep. >> I think I know this. >> I don't know this at all. Wait, what? Say it again. What's. >> What city's Lorden Taylor boasts the. Waker Grand, the second largest pipe. organ in the world? >> I have no idea. >> I'm almost sure it's Chicago cuz my aunt. Libby used to work at Lord and Taylor. >> Well, well, okay. So, the guy from. Chicago. >> I was wrong. It's Philadelphia. >> Boom. Okay. What hip-hop mogul mused? I.

feel safe in white because deep down. inside I'm an angel. >> Okay, I'm going have to go with flavor. flavor. >> Uh is uh. >> just cuz we came up earlier. >> That came up earlier. No, the answer is. a dear friend of mine, Sean Puffy. Combmes. >> You know, you documentary. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. But just for a minute. >> Yeah. Giving him the advice, whatever. you're doing, do it some more. [laughter]. >> Who became the first? >> Look at HIM. MOVE ON. ANYWAY, NEXT.

QUESTION. We get we can edit that part. out. Next question. >> I don't know at le Taylor. who became the first female British. royal to walk instead of ride in the. family in a family funeral procession in. 2002. >> 2000 British female royal. >> Well, it's not Fergie. We know that. >> it ain't Fergie. >> cuz she hates walking. Just a little fun. fact I know. >> 2002 she was on tour with the Black IP. So, it's [laughter] not her. It's not. It's definitely not her. >> Yeah. But she is a royal royal as many.

half the people in the black eyed piece. >> I don't know. I don't know her. >> A royal pain in the ass if you know what. I'm talking about. Uh let's see which. royal wise. Well, it wouldn't be Queen Elizabeth. There's no way she's breaking tradition. She's very traditional. >> You think she's going to get on a horse? Oh, no. She's walking instead of riding. in the procession. She ain't walking. anymore. >> No, she ain't walking. And and Anne. isn't walking. >> I think Ann's walking. >> You think Ann's walking? >> I think Ann's a walker. >> The answer is Princess Ann. >> Yay. Oh yeah. [cheering].

>> Incredible. >> How many. >> These are terrible questions. >> I know. This [laughter] is trivial. pursuit question. How many of every six. stutterers are male? >> All. >> Well, I'm going to go with uh five. >> Five is the answer. What do you know. that? >> What are you like a stuttering. enthusiast? >> Uh [laughter] which Grand Slam singles. title had Monica Cis failed to win. during the 20th century? >> Which one did she not win? Well, you. have first off to know all of them.

>> I'm I'm just going to say Australian. Open. >> Australian Open. >> I'm going to say US Open. Wimbledon. Last question. Damn it. >> What this is about a friend of yours. What hugely successful video was Joe. Francis inspired to make after viewing a. flasher tape sent in for his ban from. television video? This is your dear. friend Joe Francis. [laughter]. >> We are not friends. I. >> former business partners. >> Business partners. Okay. >> I saw what he was doing and I wanted in. financially in a big way and then I did.

everything I could to provide moral. support. >> You made a lot of money. >> I wish we were better friends. >> What's it again? What's the name of the. show? >> Uh, I believe it's Girls Gone Wild and. it is Girls Gone Wild. >> Yeah. >> We have a clip. >> Um, listen. [laughter]. >> Sorry. >> If you had a Girls Gone Wild clip, >> I would be. >> I'm like [laughter] Paul R, but instead. of Macking me, it's Girls Gone Wild. >> All right. So, let's get to your new. project. >> Here we go. >> Funny you ask. A weekly comedy trivia.

podcast. >> And this sounds like a labor of love for. you. >> It is. I I for years people were like, you should do a podcast. And I was like, I don't think the medium is going to. work. And a couple weeks ago, I was. like, the medium works, >> right? >> So, let's get into this now. We're not. on the ground floor, but we're on like. the 80th floor, >> right? >> No. I I I wanted to figure out a fun. podcast and I I just couldn't think of. like a fun hook and then I was like, "Oh. my god, what if I just wrote trivia. questions for my friends?". >> You write the trivia. >> Oh, I write the trivia. Not cuz not for.

me. I have a producer who writes the. questions for me. So, I don't see the. questions honor system. But for my. guests, what I will do is I will take. three subjects you know a little bit. about. So, for you, what are some things. that you wouldn't consider yourself an. expert on, but you know a little bit. about? >> I know a lot about [clears throat] the. Beatles. a lot about probably uh. American history, 19th, 20th century, that kind of stuff. >> That's good. Sorry, sidetracked. Do you. remember the last time I was on your. show was Beatles week and Paul Simon.

saying, "Here comes the Here comes the. sun to me and you.". >> It was a deeply romantic moment. >> What? >> That was not my show. >> That was You're thinking. >> your show, my friend. No, >> you were here. I was here. Paul Simon. was right here. Actually, no, you were. here. Paul Simon was here. I was right. here. And my salon was in my lap. I. remember that very clearly. [laughter]. >> He kept calling you Garf uncle. He kept. saying, "Are you Art?". >> Yeah. >> Um. >> and you kept interjecting and he said, "What's you give me the full Baron Holtz. here?" Remember that? [laughter].

>> I was I knew my name. That was. >> He didn't even know who you were, but he. [laughter] knew. He didn't know you were. Ike Baron Holds. He said, "What's this. guy giving me the Baron Holtz. for? I'm trying to tell a story.". [laughter]. >> So you would come on. I would write. questions about the Beatles, American. history, uh other things, and we would. come on, have a fun conversation, and I. will sporadically ask you trivia. questions, and then you will ask me. trivia questions, and then we do a big. speed round. And. >> so the guest shows up with their own. trivia questions. >> No, my producer Oh, your producer comes. up with me. Yeah, that sounds really.

fun. >> It's very, very fun. The reason I'm here. is to ask if you will do mine. >> I don't have time. I don't have I don't. have time. >> Okay. Not just today, but I don't have. any time. I've never been this busy. since I was in Amsterdam. >> That's when that's 27 years ago. >> I feel like David Chicago, right? It. looks like it's time. Okay, we'll figure. it out. >> Sounds like there's a little bit of a. discrepancy here between what you're. saying to the truth. >> I remember I have that thing. >> What is the thing, David? [laughter]. >> What is the thing? >> Never been more clear.

>> Yeah, >> he's just swiping through. Not just. months, BUT YEARS. >> [laughter]. >> HE'S just He has a whole year on one. page and he's just swiping. I see. nothing. I would be honored to do your. show. >> That I mean it it really I so enjoy you. You are so funny. You are such a good. fellow. Um you were always hilarious on. my show all the times you came on. Uh so. yes, the answer is yes. Yes. A thousand. times. >> And I feel like we are making really. good headway into the friendship arena.

This is the real reason I came here. Be careful with this guy. And when I say. this guy, I mean me. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Um I am a slippery eel. You will. probably never hear from me again. >> I I'm When I'm here in the zone, I'm all. heat and Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. But then. the minute you get out of here, I'm. like, what's with that guy? And then an. hour later, who was even on today? [laughter]. >> Right. >> You completely disassociated. within an hour of finishing. I don't.

know who was on. >> and it's David's job to bring me seven. baked feeasants and I just eat them. >> and you put the napkin [laughter] over. your head so that God doesn't see your. shame. >> Yeah, it doesn't see my shame. >> Um, >> no, I would uh I would love to come on. I would. And I do think we should be. pals. >> Oh my god, I wasn't expecting that. [laughter]. >> Woo. >> Now, are you up in Santa Barbara a lot?

We like to go there a couple times a. year. Yeah, I I'm sure you have a house. there. We. >> I have seven houses there. >> That's [laughter]. really building out. >> I just bought Oprah's house and kicked. her out. >> against her will. I bought it out from. under her and I said, "You've got an. hour.". >> But she's squatting now. She's actively. squatting. >> She's roaming around. She's Yeah, she's. hanging out in the garage. [laughter]. >> She's roaming around. >> What the. >> She said, "I didn't know lera said this. I didn't know legally someone could buy. your house without you letting them buy.

it. [laughter]. And but you know what I did? I have a. lot of money from these charity gigs I. do. [laughter]. I clean up and then I just buy rich. people's houses and tell them to leave. [laughter]. So you can stay in one of my 50. >> We'll take you up on that. That would. save me some hotel. We love it up there. We love that Santa Barbara. What a. beautiful beautiful. >> Okay, let's not do an ad for Santa. Barbara. I'm just [laughter] saying it's. it's it's a it's about a 90minute drive. from uh LA. You're there in no time.

There's a beautiful downtown. >> And don't forget the Cherry Blossom. Festival. >> Okay, let's move on. [laughter]. >> I don't know how this guy. >> from the tourism bureau got here. >> But um. >> just an enthusiast. >> Yeah. >> Uh sir, I wish you the best of luck with. your new podcast. I will come on. I will. be happy to come on. And um just. delighted to have you today. This was. >> Yeah, >> this is just not work. I don't know what. to call this, but it is not work. >> An easy Monday, >> right? >> Well, we don't say what day it is. I'll.

let you create the illusion that it's. happening as people are hearing it. It's. a good You know what? Just having a fun. Monday, Tuesday. [laughter]. in 2026, 27, 28. [laughter]. >> You know what I mean? This was a real. honor. You are the funniest person uh of. my generation. >> Jesus. Well, let's expand it a little. Okay. >> Why just your generation? >> The wig. >> You've seen some of these quote funny. people from previous generations. Not so.

funny. >> That's actually true. >> Yeah. I'm Look at them all. Let's just. click at the bigger all generations. >> Thank you very much. I got what I. wanted. Baron. [laughter]. >> Okay. This is part three of Blgate. [laughter]. >> Blgate. Aaron Blair's attempt, and this. is uh to fraudulently use uh IRS. loopholes to um bankroll his childish. fantasies. And we have uh Mr. David.

Melmed's here with us. And you are Are. you a lawyer? >> I am. Yes. >> Okay. [laughter] Cuz that's what we. hired you to do. Yes. >> But you might have been here to fix the. AC and we just hired you. Yes. >> Okay. Well, anyway, let's get back into. this um what I think is a major scandal. roing our podcast. >> Okay, so what are we talking about? Edibles. >> I would like. Can I write all that off? >> Say that. Sorry. Say that again. >> Right. Anything I mention on this.

podcast, can I write it off based on. Blaze logic? >> Maybe. Based on Blaze logic. >> Yeah, >> maybe. >> Based on the law. And again, I'm not a. Let me disclaim. I am not a a a tax. expert or an accountant. So, this is. just. >> Wait a minute. Wait a [laughter] minute. But. >> why did I bring you in? >> I I actually No, no. I I have a cursory. sort of uh understanding of what we're. doing here because I also and familiar. with the tax. >> This is ridiculous. >> No, no. He's going to say things.

[laughter] that are like I'm trying to. understand exactly how fision works. I. got a squirrel here. Can you help me. out? >> This This is for the listener. [screaming] Well, the squirrel I know. about nuts and hiding them for the. world. [laughter] I don't know much. about fishision, but here it goes. >> This is this is my protecting the myself. in the show. So, if someone hears this. and said, "Oh, I'm going to start. writing off X, Y, and Z." I'm just. saying I maybe. >> Kids don't do this at home. >> Do not do it. Yes. Correct. Um, so.

personal expenses that are not related. to the podcast, you cannot write off. So. if you're bringing edibles, I think I. heard that segment for for Conan, right? That would probably work more into. production than on air, right? So and. where production costs can affect Conan. and I am the uh opinion that we are here. to manage Conan, right? >> It could eat into. >> Yeah. You know, if it weren't for you. and for Blle, I don't think I'd make it.

in this business. [laughter]. But through your wise counsel, though. you're clearly not an an expert in. anything, >> and through Blaze incredible work of. buying these duads. >> and shoving them into the conversation, >> correct? >> Um like with a crowbar, I don't know. that I would have a career at all. >> I I think that that's why we're that's. why we're here. Um no, so I I'm saying. Blle maybe. I think you have to separate. yourself into when you are bringing. something on the show, are you in your.

role as a producer or as an onair. personality? >> Can I ask you a specific question? >> You can. >> Okay. And are you a producer? >> I call myself a producer. >> What is your title? >> I don't know. >> What do you mean you don't know the. title of your title? >> I swear to God, I thought you were here. to get lunch. I. >> Oh my god. >> I did. I kept wondering where's the. lunch? >> Wait, I just want I thought this kid was. getting us food. Can I ask Melan a. specific question? Okay, so like for. instance, we talked about how I watch. Bane clips on a plane. >> Great. >> Okay, which I love Bane. I watch a lot.

of Bane clips. Big fan of Bane. Now. that's been established on the podcast. as a bit. Okay, now can I buy a and this. is a real question. Can I buy a Bane. mask. >> as a followup and write that off? Because we it's been established on the. podcast. Can I buy a Bane mask and write. off? >> I I would say maybe. I think it should. all be submitted ahead of time. I think. what might be a problem here, Blle, and. I say this with all respect, is that you. are this um untethered child running.

around having these ideas and swiping a. credit card. And uh I think that's. potentially problematic. >> What I think you should do is um you. should go to Adam, I'm invoking you, and. you should say, uh here's my idea. I. want to buy a Bane mask. They're $9.99. uh 999. Um [laughter]. and uh I think it would be a good. segment and then you can think about it. Maybe you can approach me and we can. have a discussion. >> I totally agree. The whole thing I mean.

I think you know we have established I. think that Blaze is committing fraud. But the the one [laughter] the the what. I am hearing though from David and David. tell me if I'm wrong is this it's very. like tail wagging the dog, right? Like. it should start as. >> the show wants to do X Y and Z. So let's. go out and buy the necessary supplies, curiosities, whatever it is so that we. can make that happen so we can execute. on that. >> But to do it the other way around where. it's just we're buying a bunch of random.

curiosities and let's see if the show. can do that feels like it's in violation. of whatever. >> Yes. I think that is exactly I think. that's a very good way to articulate it. Not to say that what you're doing hurts. the show. I'm just saying if you're. looking to write off certain items, probably go about it the way that Adam. described it. >> So I guess my my next question is can I. have a company card to do that? >> I was going to ask if you had a corp. card. >> I don't. But I would re it would help I.

think with this situation. Don't you. guys think. >> I can put that sword on a company card? >> I I think you need a real accountant. company card flat. No, wait a second. There's no way you're getting. >> Wait a second. Sona had a company card. to put a bunch of lunches on. And puts. lunches on. >> Has she has one to this [laughter] day? >> Has lunches on it. >> I sure did. >> So, first of all, I knew that was the. deal when I hired Sona. [laughter]. That's what comes with Sona. >> in her contract. >> No, I mean, she's like Zorba the Greek. You don't, you know, she needs to have. access to all the things that make her. Sona. Um, I I think it's a little.

presumptuous to think that you should be. entitled to those same things. I just. I'm just saying like, okay, I bought a a. big Medusa skull. Okay, [laughter]. >> you're not helping yourself better and. better. But but but but a a Medusa skull. you have forever. Sonus just has a. lunch. >> What do you mean a Medusa skull you have. forever? >> No, you don't. Yes, I do. >> You have it until you get married and. she throws that out. But a lunch. you just eat once and you're done. A.

Medusa skull you have forever. >> Lunches. They are We talk business. Can. I ask a question? So, we have David. here. We should take advantage of it. What are are are there things that we. should be writing off that we're all. that we're not? >> Well, let me Okay, so. >> lunches. >> Lunches. Lunches. Yes. These are. >> I do you guys a favor? >> I would say anything to manage Conan. >> can be written off. When did I say I'm. sorry. When did I become. >> B? No, no, [laughter] no, no, no, no. You're on it. When did I become this.

virilent strain that must be contained? Oh no, a Conan got loose [laughter] from. the lab. >> That's the way the IRS sees you are on. air talent and we are here to manage. you. So anything we do [laughter] to. manage. >> the IRS knows that I'm a toxin. I love. it. Okay. So to answer your question, Adam, anything that sort of costs to. create, produce, protect the show is. deductible, right? Anything sort of.

personal performance, uh the. consequences of wrongdoing, uh we cannot. consequences of wrongdoing. Well, meaning you're bringing a mask on the. show for we have to say what what's the. intent. What's the If you're bringing it. on to have a potential write off, I. would say if you're. >> if we've discussed the segment, right, first and then you bring it on to sort. of you then I'm going to say maybe so. Bane mask might be something I could do.

>> It might, but I would probably bring. that up first then just bring it on and. start talking about. >> But don't you want to Can I just ask why. not just pay for the Bane mask? It's Why. do you need Uncle Sam's help? You're. well compensated and you should take. pride in spending your own money on. something as precious as a bane mask. You shouldn't need to invoke some weird. castle. Yeah. >> That you think you found to the IRS code.

to do it? Why not just be a real man and. when you buy a bane mask, [laughter]. >> own it? >> You know, in the true tradition of being. a a man, like a real man, [clears throat]. >> when you go to buy you know, your. whatever it's a bumblebee head. [laughter] or when you when you go to. buy um you know, oh, it's it's you know, the vision from Marvel comics, uh I want. to buy his panties. Uh why why can't you. just be a real man and say this is what.

I want to feel good about me and buy it. yourself? >> He's an android. He doesn't wear. panties. I think so to to just summarize. in terms of what the so these are sort. of personal lifestyle expenses which are. not deductible I think and so that's I'm. putting it into bucket unless. >> we. >> unless unless and this is BL you'd have. to accept this. >> but if you could prove that this was an. illness of his a deficiency if you could.

prove that this was some kind of a. handicap something he can't help because. something stunted, something never. developed, >> medical, like a medical expense, >> became neurological, but he never grew. into a real a real uh adult. And he's. trapped in this cycle of just more toys. and more ephemera and more and. he just won't break free of that and. won't go out into the world and and. really realize himself as an adult. He.

can't. Then this could be possibly his. version of a wheelchair or crutches. [laughter]. or a special seat that helps him sit on. the toilet because he can't make a poopy. without it. >> Does Conan get a tax credit for. employing? >> Yes. >> Yes. [laughter]. >> Okay. I think we cracked it here. And I. think we've been in the red for a while. now, which means we've gone way too. long. Um, >> we'll probably have to lose some of your. talking, Blend. >> I do think the real criminal here is. Bla's mom. I think that she's [laughter]. I think that she I think Mary Blair.

needs to go to prison. I think she is an. absolute criminal. >> I agree. I agree too. Yeah. By by and. look, we wonder why he's infantilized. and she's [laughter] sending his taxes. to Turboax. You when's she going to. diaper you next? You know, as she. insists on doing it. She wants to make. sure that my bottom is talked properly. [laughter]. So yeah, if. >> I could write them all out the diapers. investigation investigation into into. Mary Blair. Well, I'm going to end this. right now. BL, I find you guilty and no.

corporate car. [laughter] Agree with. that. Thank you.