How Larry David Lied His Way Out Of The Army Reserve | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

there's something about your past that. doesn't make sense there's a lot of. things that do make sense but I didn't. know that you were in the US Army. Reserve oh yeah and I cannot imagine you. in any situation where people are. telling you this is how you must behave. and this is what's required it it really. tough I just can't imagine you tough uh. falling into line you did that for a. couple of years right I was in the um. yeah I was in the reserves to avoid. going of Vietnam mhm I'm kind of old you.

know oh yeah yeah no I know um I know. we'll bring that up second that's my. next question you seem very old to me. that's my next question which isn't even. a question I'm realizing none of these. are questions these are just. statements yeah so um yeah I was in I. was in the uh the reserves to avoid. Vietnam and. um I was in it I went to basic training.

I had uh occupational specialty school I. was I was a petroleum storage specialist. by the way oh there you go yeah yeah so. then I had to go to meetings once a. month for um the next six. years and to go to the the meetings were. near my parents apartment in Brooklyn. and I was living in Manhattan so once a. month I would go home and I had a. big uh I think the word was at the time.

uh. jro now you have that's do I tell this. no no no now that's he has one. anti-semitic com to my 2.5 score is one. to 2.5 this is anybody's. game. wow I'm excited I can't believe we're. competing I got this now I want. this so anyway I would stay with my. parents for the weekend and I had a wig.

and I would wear the wig and I was doing. this once a month and then in the summer. there was a summer camp that you had to. go away for two weeks so all these guys. uh were in my unit and then I heard. about a a psychiatrist who was writing. letters uh for like. $250 and so I went to see him and I. talked to him for you know 45 minutes. and he wrote me up this letter and the. letter basically said that I was. crazy and uh I took the letter and this. is I'm in for 2 years now so I know all.

these people imagine coming to work and. acting insane yeah which is what I did I. had the. [Laughter]. letter where's where's the major where's. the major I need to talk to the. major so they did it work I I saw. friends these are friends of mine I.

socialize with these people I see them. all huddled together pointing and. looking what's pointing at me what's he. doing what's with David what look at him. look at. him and then I I I went to see the major. and um and the major was reading the. letter and he he's talking to me I'm. answering his. questions and after five minutes he says. to. me can you drive home oh my God.

wow what and I swear I said this line. way before Dustin Hoffman said it in. that movie I said oh yeah I'm a good. driver and that was it and I got out. good for you yeah do you still have that. letter you must I don't think I do okay. we'll find it. yeah we uh but quite a I have to say. tremendous performance on my part yeah. tremendous.

and here it was spectacular yeah it's. really lighting and you know it's cuz. you were also the job I can imagine you. having which you did was you were limo. driver for a while and I don't know if. you ever did this but this has happened. to me many times where I go to the. airport and I get picked up and my wife. and I are in the back and we're chatting. and then I of nowhere the driver says. well I have a cream for that you know so. they've clearly been listening it's it's. like your phone when it knows you've.

been talking about maybe I'll get a. maybe I should go buy a new camping tent. and then your phone suddenly suggests. you know REI is just a block and a half. way and it's this Eerie feeling right. right were you a listener would you. listen in and and interject their their. conversations really weren't interesting. enough yeah yeah she was an old woman. she was practically blind she could see. a little bit right and I took complete. advantage of. her because she couldn't see she didn't. know if the car was filthy you're not.

and it was. filthy so she I I would hear from the. back seat is the car. clean I go yeah yeah spotless car yeah. yeah yeah yeah yeah always means not. true that's a giveaway and she said to. me you got your hat. on cuz I had a chauffeur's cap sure yeah. I said yeah yeah I got the I got the cap. on yeah I got the. Capa and then and.

and then one of her one of her friends. squealed on. me who would do that she saw she saw the. car the condition of the. car it was a. doson. she's she saw the how filthy the car was. and she squealed on me and um and that. was it I li I got fired.