Denis Leary Isn't Conan's Friend... He's His "F**king Cousin" | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Hi, my name is Dennis [music] Leary and. I feel like I could give a about. being Conan O'Brien's friend cuz I'm. already his cousin. It's true. >> [laughter]. >> It's true. You know. >> First of all, we were just acquired by. PBS. So, [laughter] that whole rant up. top and I'm guessing your entire. interview is not going to fly. >> I'm I'm not I'm going to I'm going to. reduce I'm not going to You're going to. reduce the fuckage? Yeah.

>> [music]. >> Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien. Needs a Friend. Joined as always by Sona. Movsesian. >> Yeah, hi. Matt Gourley. >> Hi. And um I'm going to let people have. a little peek behind the scenes of how. we work here. Uh. I noticed something recently. which is we always have uh the interview. start with the. uh guest saying "Hello, my name is" and. then blank. And I feel blank about being.

Conan O'Brien's friend and we give them. a physical piece of paper and that's the. way we've been doing it now for is it 5. years? 6 years? >> Almost eight. >> It's over 7 years. >> 7 and a half. Oh my god. We're speeding. towards the grave. All right. Oh. Walking hurriedly towards the grave. Okay. Uh and um. what I noticed is that guests, not every. guest, but maybe one in three. they get fidgety. And so there's this. piece of paper in front of them and they. would do this a lot with their paper and. slide it around. And it would distract.

me. I think sometimes you would hear it, Eduardo. >> Yes, every now and And I just started to. notice there must be a better way and so. finally. for the first time recently, we started. I suggested isn't there a better way. where there's no physical piece of. paper? So, we started putting it up on a. screen over there on the wall so there's. nothing in front of them and they can't. fidget. We tried it out for the first. time recently. and we're doing it. The guest says. "Hello, my name is" blank and I feel. blank about being Conan O'Brien's friend. and we're to the races. Everything's. great. And then I start to hear.

Oh. >> And I'm like, "What the hell?" And I. look over, and you, Matt Gourley, >> Yeah. the podcast maestro, >> Yeah. the producer, You were like You. were shuffling your. >> and you kept. >> crinkling it and uncrinkling it, and I. kept looking at you, and you were. looking at me. You weren't picking up on. my signal, and then I had to point at. you Yeah. during the interview at your. paper, and you made this oops Yeah. face. What were you doing? >> In my defense, it was in the Kevin. Nealon episode.

>> Yeah. And you guys were just insane. Yeah. And so I think I was just like uh. disassociating. You know. >> Because it was uncomfortable. >> Cuz no no no it wasn't uncomfortable. I. just normally don't do that kind of. thing, but I was rolling the corner of. my paper. >> god, it was so loud. Well no well. >> apology not accepted. >> Oh, then apology rescinded. Oh. Oh. How. do I get that apology back? Cuz now I'm. reconsidering, and I would like the. apology. >> really show me that you want it. Where. is it stored, the apology? At my apology. safety deposit box. >> Okay, I've got to get in there. Trust my.

new heist movie with [laughter] my. friends. Me and my friends got to get. into that vault and get that apology. back. Oh my god. The worst heist movie ever. >> Yeah. For an apology. >> It's all of us in some villa in France. that we can't afford cuz we got no. money. And we're all toasting each other as I. unbox the apology. Wait, and you open. it, and there's nothing in there. This. year my apology comes out. And. [laughter] it disappears into the air. My apology into the ether.

>> Yeah, it just goes So anti-climactic. And then someone comes in and says, "Get. out OF MY VILLA.". >> [laughter]. >> "YOU NOT PAY ANYTHING.". YOUR ITALIAN ACCENT. >> I thought they were French. I know. What. is Was that a French. >> can own a villa in France. And in this movie, because I can't afford [laughter] the. really good French villa, I go to the. Italian villa in France, Eduardo. >> Oh. So the Italian villas are subpar is. what you're saying? >> No, this one just happens to be I would. never generalize,

>> [laughter]. >> but this guy really doesn't have his. together. Except he's on it with the billing. >> [laughter and gasps]. >> Anyway, um yeah, so I think I have to start. taking paper away from you because I'm. going to have other interviews that go. up. >> one time in a hundreds, three almost 400. interviews, one time. >> first time that we had removed that was. the best part. It was the first time I. had removed paper from the guest to try. and stop this problem when I hear. crinkle crinkle crinkle crinkle crinkle. crinkle and I'm like, who's ordering. crinkle cut fries? And I look over and.

there's Manuel and So you're you're not. above this. You're often doodling on. your paper. >> Yeah, doodling is different. That is an. artist expressing himself. >> Oh, no. >> Oh, like you Oh, like you know about. noises that come up in the Oh, yeah, you. do listen to the podcast. Do I make a. lot of dink dink dink noises? No, what. you do is this. Yeah. Yeah. >> That's me. Well, I'm very I have a high. moral standard. >> But the audience would know that. I I like it's me that's me.

disapproving of the morality of the. people around me. I'm tisk-tisking them. That's not So I should leave those in? No, you should take them out, but you. should put them in a box and put them in. a safety deposit box. I've got one of. those. Movie ends with me and my gang. at a at an at an Italian villa in. Switzerland. >> [laughter]. >> No, an Italian villa in Ireland. What? And uh we open up the box and all. these. come out and then a guy comes in and. says, "ARE YOU GOING TO PAY your bill? Now get out or I'll throw this pile of.

POTATOES AT YOU.". OH, CUZ IT'S IRELAND. >> it all together. God, he's good. Who's. talking? Conan. About who? Himself. Uh anyway, no more paper for you, no. more paper for me and I'll try not to do. Yeah, why do you guys even. paper? >> When do it No, but when you do it um. usually as you're about to begin a. thought, so you'll go like. a th- Another thing you al- Another. thing you always say coming into a. response to a guest is.

You know, it's interesting that or it's. It's very funny that and then you'll go. and then say something, yeah. Yeah. >> It's very erotic when I think about it. It's erotic? >> Do you think it's a turn on for women? >> Not at all. Really? What do you mean? Yeah. >> Yeah. What do you mean? Yeah, what do. you. >> When I was Like they wanted When I was. single I used to go. Oh, yeah, this is really good. >> Oh my god, it sounds like you're trying. to. >> it when guys make creepy noises at them. Like that really works for a lot of. girls.

>> And that's me. I'm in the bathroom, they're in the bedroom. >> Oh. I'm just talking to the mirror. Oh. I don't know what's happening in this. scenario. >> know what happened. I You know what? Why. do you guys even need paper? Like I. never have paper in front of me. Just. don't have paper. >> [laughter]. >> what do you need a I have to write. notes. >> were my assistant, you never had any. paper. [laughter]. Yeah. I used to ask you to write things. down and you wouldn't do it. >> Yeah, but look who's not Who's not. making noise? This guy. >> [laughter].

>> Will you admit that you rarely had paper. uh when you were my assistant? >> why I didn't have paper? Because I was. using an iPad with the writing stylus. cuz I was trying to save paper. >> drawing dicks and butts. You were. drawing dicks and butts with your. >> But I was also taking sir notes. [laughter] IT WASN'T ALL JUST IT WASN'T. all dicks and butts. I remember the time. I I went over your notes. I looked over. your shoulder and you were drawing. butts. >> Okay. >> [laughter]. >> I I think there was a reason that I was. drawing butts. Ray, remember when Gorley.

made a lot of noise with paper? >> [laughter]. >> You know what? You're right. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I love it. I just um also remember. when he sneezes and blows his nose and. his nose a lot. Remember when you all over the table? That was one time. Hey, remember when we. got along and made a great podcast? No, I don't. I don't [laughter] either. All right, let's get started. >> Yes. Uh. You threw your papers on the floor. TO. PROVE A POINT.

MY GUEST TODAY is a comedian and actor. who you can now see in season 2 of the. Fox comedy Going Dutch. Are we related? Are we not? We just don't know, but. you'll find out. Dennis Leary, welcome. >> [music]. >> I want to say one thing before we get. started, which is you and I have known. each other a long time. We've hung out. We've enjoyed each other's company. You. always go out of your way to tell me. that you've been listening to the.

podcast and then tell me what happened. on the podcast. So, some people say, "I. love the podcast." And you can tell. they're they're just reading it off. their phone that I have a podcast. But, uh Dennis is a true blue fan and he's. always going on and on about two other. people in the room who aren't me. >> Okay. All right. This enrages me. All. right. So, listen. This is a perfect. opportunity for me to say this. I don't know what this means. I don't. really listen to podcasts, okay? So, the but I I listened to this because. it was on the radio and I drive. everywhere. Even in Manhattan, I drive.

everywhere. In Brooklyn, I drive. everywhere. So, I was like, "Oh. my god, Conan has a podcast." And once I got in. now, my One of my favorite things on the. old TV show. I can't I can't remember which iteration. of Who knows? Call it. >> [laughter]. >> But, when you and Sona were doing the. bits Yes. >> Okay, those filmed bits were. genius, right? So, I love those. So, once I started listening to this, I just. told these guys this backstage. I was. like, "Listen, I like the podcast.

>> [laughter]. >> I like most of the people that are on. this show, I know. I've either worked. with or I've hung out with or I've known. for like forever before we were famous, like Ben Stiller or whoever, right? >> Sure, yeah. So, I I'm interested, but. not what really brings me in is when. these two, when Gor- Gorley and. Sona are arguing and on you. It's some of the funniest. YOU, MAN. YOU. IT'S SO MAYBE MAYBE A LITTLE. MORE artistic than that. [laughter]. Okay. >> Not just yet. Go suck a dick. It's so good.

>> That's Now you're onto something. It's. so funny. And also, it's just. when you're firing back at them, that's. really my favorite part. So, like when. I'm at Sona just before you I've been. here for like 4 hours. Conan [laughter]. doesn't get here until like a minute. before you start shooting. He's too big. of a star. >> Yeah, I was downstairs and you could. hear my helicopter landing on the roof. of the building. >> [laughter]. >> Well, I thought it does it land where. the pool used to be? Why the would. you Why would you. >> a pool when we bought this building and. I covered it right away. >> Why? Because you can't go in the sun.

WHAT ABOUT EVERYBODY ELSE? >> [laughter]. >> SONA OBVIOUSLY CAN GO IN THE SUN. I. can't. I want to swim. TAKE IT AWAY. TAKE IT AWAY. I CAN'T go in the sun. anymore at all. I used to go in the sun. all the time. I can't. Now I'm just. Every time I go in the sun I get a. melanoma. Okay, so. >> [laughter]. >> Wait, it happens instantly? Instantly. If that light here this light this light. is going to I have melanoma before This. is how I know this is how I know that we. are related is that uh. >> [laughter].

>> It's from the skin cancer. You are. It's so funny cuz people get hung up, you know, like. who What's your skin color race all that. kind of stuff and we're not just white. You are a deathly pallor and I think I'm. whiter than you. >> Yes, but we're not even white. We're. like we're into a different It's like. translucent. You guys are ultraviolet. >> Yes, yes. Yes, it's like a UV form of. >> [laughter]. >> of skin. Yes, yes, yeah. It's. see-through. >> We emit light. >> Yeah.

That's how white we are. >> Yeah, people have used me in People have. used me in mines to get copper out. >> [laughter]. >> We are literally walking lamps, okay? So, OH, HERE HE COMES. GOOD. GOOD. >> [laughter]. >> OPEN THE OLD TEXT AND WE'LL READ IT. >> find my phone. Get Conan over here. Conan, [laughter] look in there. Always keep a Conan or a Dennis by the. bed. >> So [laughter] funny. >> Just right there in case there's an. emergency. All right, let's crack into. this right away because there's a lot to. talk about. I want to say another thing.

about how old we are. Yeah. Um cuz it's. when he told me. I just out of the I know I just did a. gig with you. I know we'll do our I'm. not In my mind, I think I'm like 40. Yeah. And then when I see somebody like. you who's in my age group, I go, "Huh, Conan doesn't look like he's 40. anymore." [laughter] Yeah. And that's what might reminds me that. I'm almost 70. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah. You feel older by looking at. Conan. >> I provide that service for everybody, by. the [laughter] way. >> I just say that? I don't just admit.

light, but I will help you determine. >> [laughter]. >> how old you are by just looking at me. >> Wait, I'm just aging in your presence. Yeah. Oh my god. >> Yeah. Um I saw Brian Kiley downstairs. cuz. >> Brian Kiley has been with me. uh From the beginning. Those guys are. downstairs. They're working on the. Oscars. And Brian Kiley's been with me. since I think 1993. Brian Kiley from Newton, Mass, and part of the Irish mafia. And um he.

went to my Sunday school. We had Sunday. school instruction that happened, I. think, on a Monday night. It was called. the Santa Col. We'd go out to like. Brighton, and we were taught by nuns. once a week. You know, parents would send their kids. to make sure they got proper Catholic. instruction. >> yeah. Uh sons and daughters. And so, I. would get driven out there with my. brothers, and Brian Kiley was one of the. kids that we used to talk to. >> Yeah, and it was always about the. Bruins. >> played hockey with him. Oh, really? You. did? Yeah, in Charlestown of all places.

>> How's he play hockey? He has no leg. muscle. >> [laughter]. >> So. >> He works He's a guy that works out all. the time and he has this incredible, you. know, buff torso and then two. uh pork slim jims. >> [laughter]. >> hanging off of his hanging off his. pelvis. Well, he This is how good Well, we don't have to waste a lot of time. talking about Kylie. But Kylie looks the. same. Yeah. He looks literally because. he was bald when we were like 20. Yeah. >> Um and he and he was. always in shape. >> Yeah. And so now. >> He looks the same. He looks exactly the.

same. He's Brian Kiley with glasses, you. know, cuz he's he's getting old and his. eyes are getting old. >> years old. >> He's 110 years old. >> He fought in the Korean conflict. >> He did. Yeah, so we played and he was a. he was a comic from my generation in. Boston. >> joke writer. Just a great joke writer. >> talking about him? Uh you know what? I. have the same thing when we're talking. about another comic and it's not one of. us. I have an egg timer that goes off. after 3 seconds. >> [laughter]. >> Like why are we talking about this. person? He's a great writer. >> I may have mentioned this, but uh we had.

Gene Simmons on the late night show. years and years and years ago and we had. some sketch that he was going to uh be. in. and I can't remember the context, but. for some reason he oh said okay to a lot. of the different jokes, but then there. was one joke that involved him just. saying and I take a like a Jazzercise. class with Richard Simmons, the workout. guy. And he put an X through it. And our head. writer. at the time said, "Well, you don't like. that joke? What's your problem with it?". And he said uh.

"He's welcome to mention me anytime, but. I I I I don't need to mention him." And. our writer said "Well, wait a minute. Do. you have a beef with him or something?". Went, "Not at all.". Uh but he said, "No free rides.". That was the the thing that Wow. haunts. me. He said He said this. He said, "No. free rides." And what that means is. Yeah. Why would I mention someone else. unless I'm getting something for it? Literally another person. Like, "Hey, Gene Simmons, how are your children. doing?" Those guys free rides. Those.

guys Are they well? No free rides. >> god. [laughter] Isn't that crazy? Well, if you can't monetize it. right? >> If you can't turn it into a Kiss quiz in. art, what's the point? Uh anyway, um I. want to get to the bottom of this. >> impressed, by the way. A couple I'm. going to say something nice about you. now. Oh god. This These go nowhere, by the way. [laughter] He's not going to I'm. not going TO SAY IT. NICE. NICE. NICE. NICE. AND THEN YOU CAN. COME in with. >> [laughter]. >> uh you know eat a dick. Yeah. Yeah. I. just want to say, he did um uh.

the Comics Come Home concert I do in. Boston every year for the Cam Neely. Foundation, uh which is a charity I've. been involved with. >> A big charity you've been doing for like. 20 something 29 years. Next year's the. 30th. Anyways, he did it this year. He. was. We knew he was going to be funny on. stage. The band loved doing um. Road Runner Road Runner, yeah. which was. really funny. But he was so nice. to everybody, including like my baby. sister backstage and and all these other. people there. I We went up to the VIP. donor dinner, which is people who really. donate a shitload of money to.

the hospital and the cause and. everything. And and was funny up there, took all the pictures with her. He was. so nice to everybody. And then. he was a complete later on. >> [laughter]. >> You know I I know when to turn it off. >> Yeah, it only lasted like 9 minutes. >> around and when I'd see it was only me. and Dennis. >> [laughter]. >> or Menace Calco, too, I'd just I'd be. like, "Okay, I'm I'm going to tag out. now.". >> [laughter]. >> Screw you guys. I mean, you're still a. dick. Yeah. Part of it he was like, "No, you were really It was nice of. you to do that." And every And you. killed. And the When you were backstage.

talking to my baby sister, she loves. you. And she was like, "My god, Conan. was so nice." I was like, "That's. front." But he was nice to you. for like 5 minutes. Yeah. Yeah, a little. I don't know why I did. that. >> that. Oh no, no. Well, this is the. thing. And and then we'll get to. uh the question I had for you. Eventually at the end The the skin. cancer question. >> [laughter]. >> I just I want you to look at something. and tell me cuz there's got a ridge. around the edge of it. Oh yeah, yeah, no, that's you got to get that taken. out. >> [laughter]. >> So um. you you said to me, "Hey, can you come.

do the the Cam Neely thing?" And I said, "Yeah, I've never been able to do it. before cuz I'm always taping." And I. said, "No, this year I can do it." So I. said yes. I go to Boston and I'm not thinking and. then I get to. I'm like, "Okay, what am I doing now?". TD Garden. So this is an arena, okay? And I think, "Oh, it's an arena." And I. I I get up to the stage and I peek. through the curtain, completely packed. I swear to God, I think everybody in. Boston was there.

And you have a moment of, "Jesus Christ, look at this. This is I mean, an arena, this is what people see when they're. playing the last game, you know, in the. basketball season in the championship, this is what you're looking at." And it. was packed. The next day, the next. morning, I'm walking around Boston like. Newbury Street, I'm over near the. Hancock Tower. I'm just running some. errands. I'm going to go hang with some. of my family. And people are just. yelling out windows, "GREAT JOB LAST.

NIGHT!" "HEY, HOW DO I GET A FUN?" LIKE. EVERYONE IN town had been to this thing. It's really impressive what you've built. because yeah, there's there's a lot of. different charities, but I'm hard. pressed to think of one where everybody. in that city goes. >> Well, listen, it's awesome. Cam Neely, you know, who played for the Boston. Bruins and is a hockey Hall of Famer. You know, he's the president of the. Bruins. He runs the team. So it's like, you know, they're they're they respond. to the cause. Boston's such a great. comedy scene.

And the the it's still thriving there. So the guys coming back and who who came. out of that scene, but people like you. as well who were from Boston. Anyway, that that comes in to do it, they. appreciate that. But, Cam, you know, he. has turned that charity into such a big. success. And he's, you know, he's a very. present guy in that city. People love. him. They love the Bruins. It's a hockey. town. It's a sports town. So, um I think they see us within that light. as well, you know? We're at the Garden. where the Celtics and the Bruins play.

Like, I saw Conan at the Garden last. night. Which is so cool. For me growing. up, the idea that anybody saw me at the. Garden, I thought that was so crazy. because it sounds like I I mean, to me. it just makes me think, "Yeah, and I. drained a three-pointer." I was like, "Ah, no, I didn't. I around.". Well, you know what's so funny is like. because of our families, um like I'm back backstage in my. dressing room and and and a couple of. the areas are like my sisters and my my.

older brother and and a bunch of my. cousins, right? And then I go and. introduce Conan to my baby sister like. in the cafeteria where they're serving. some food or whatever. And then the show. gets done and I was like, "I got to go. and thank again thank Conan cuz he was. so good." And I go in his. dressing room and there's a cousin I. don't know if she's a cousin of mine, but she's a cousin of yours from. Worcester, who's in there. Was she espousing a conspiracy theory? >> [laughter]. >> If it's a cousin of mine, then probably, yeah. So, I walk in and he goes, "Hey, this is my cousin blah blah blah." And.

she's like I just remember she went, "This is my Was it Her name's Katherine, but we call her Boo. Okay. And her. husband is Arty? Let's just say he's Arty. Yeah, she's. married to Arty Lange. >> [laughter]. >> Which is not going well. Anyways, it was. so funny cuz she was telling us some. weird story about Worcester. And she was. like, "Uh this is my husband Neil" or. whatever his name is. And he's just like. a guy saying nothing in the corner. It's. cuz she's There's no room to talk around. any O'Brien or Reardon. I know. It's so. funny. You've gotten me to what I want. to talk about, which is. um you.

uh I didn't even know this, but a number. of years ago you said, "Hey, I'm your. cousin. We're related." cuz I think you. didn't know it either. I had no idea. So. we we tried to look into it. You're from. Worcester, Mass. Yep. All my people are. from Worcester, Mass. >> Yep. My father's side of the family is. from just outside Worcester. My mother's. side of the family is from Worcester. So. the Reardons are from Worcester, the. O'Briens are from like um towns outside. Millbury, Sturbridge. And so. >> Basically Worcester. >> Basically Worcester. And my grandfather.

was uh directed traffic downtown in town. in Worcester, and that was the job he. had. >> we say Wooster. Wooster. Wooster. Wooster. >> And I used to go and hang out uh with my. cousin there when I was growing up and. hang out in Wooster. And there was one. thing to do and one thing only, which is. for some reason there was a. um museum of armor. Oh, yeah. From like. the 14th. >> Armor. Yeah, armor. >> Museum of armor. And so people would. say, "Did you go to the armor museum?".

Yeah, and literally what it was, it's. not even that well curated. It was just. a big. >> Horrible. It was a big old office. building that hadn't been used that'd. been shut down in like 1920. And they. filled it with armor that they didn't. clean. >> [laughter]. >> It was just I think some of it most of. it wasn't on a mannequin. >> just horrible. It was horrible. And it. looked like a hoarder's attic of armor. And so I remember I'd be staying at my. cousin's and my aunt would be like, "GO. SEE THE ARMOR. WHY DON'T YOU GO SEE SOME. ARMOR?". THAT WAS A BIG HIGHLIGHT IN WOOSTER. >> LIKE WE DID THAT YESTERDAY. DO IT AGAIN.

[screaming]. >> [laughter]. >> AND BECAUSE IT'S WOOSTER AND THAT'S WHAT. YOU DO. >> There's not a lot. And you'd walk around. and go, "Yep, there it is.". >> Now they have a minor league. uh baseball team for the Red Sox, Polar. Park, which is downtown. >> Used to be the Pawtucket Red Sox and. they moved. >> They moved to Wooster. Yep. And it's. Polar Park, nice little ballpark in in. downtown Wooster. And they have a minor. league hockey team. And so things are. looking up. This is how And the thing is. when you're from Wooster. >> Only.

[laughter] that's really funny thing. Yeah. The mill closed in like 1902. Listen, let me tell you. When I was. growing up and and there Some people are. still bemoaning this. It was the heroin. capital of New England for a while when. I was like a teenager. I was there. >> [laughter]. >> But we were literally like, "Hey, we're. famous for something, right?". >> [laughter]. >> And then and then I think it's now. Lowell. Anyways, it's like 10 years ago. >> crown? Lowell took the crown. I don't. know. >> [laughter]. >> And I was like, "We So now we have. nothing?" So Lowell took what? The.

heroin capital of New England. We don't. even have that. I [laughter] think we. still have the armory. Yeah. But um. yeah, and the thing is um Worcester This. is how Worcester-centric people get. And. don't get me wrong, I love Worcester and. my whole family's there. It's big It's a. big deal and the people are lovely. Um and it was a big part of my growing. up cuz that's where I'd go see my. grandparents and cousins. So it's very. near and dear to my heart. But I will. say that when you're in Worcester. it's kind of like that New Yorker.

cartoon where you're the center of the. world and then as you get farther away. it just says North America, South. America, but it's all Worcester. I know. what you're talking about. Exactly. The. thing is everything's Worcester-centric. and nothing exists outside Worcester. when you're there. So. I had the experience of um when I got. the Late Night Show in 1993. there was all this specula- First of. all, my my own relatives were like, "What the hell? You're going to take over for. Letterman?" And I'd be like, "Um yeah, I. guess so." I mean, what the hell you. talking about? You can't take over for.

Letterman. They were I think they did it. I remember my family my you know, cuz my. everybody still lives in Worcester and. they were all like, "Who Hey, do you. know this guy?" And I'm like, "Nah, I. don't know this guy.". >> No one knew that guy. And so over for. Letterman? Yeah. I was like, "Yeah, I. don't know." I don't know. I don't know. We'll see. >> Good luck to him. >> Yeah. So um And hey, look at us years. later. Here you are covering up pools in. in [laughter] Hollywood. That's how I'm. known. How was that pool? EVERYBODY INSIDE. >> [laughter]. >> FILL IT WITH CEMENT. UM.

so so I. >> [laughter]. >> I am there. I'm in Worcester visiting my. uncle. And. Jim and we called him Gavin and um Wait. a minute. What? That makes perfect. sense. Yeah, we his name was Gavin. That's what we called him Uncle Gavin. And Uncle Gavin said to me, "I know who. your first guest should be.". And you know, at the time people were. saying, "You know, when you have your. talk show, you can have pretty much. anyone as your first guest. Anyone will. be like, 'Oh my god, first guest on a. talk show and if it goes, then I'm.

always going to be the first guest.'" So. you pretty much have whoever you want. And he went, "I know who it's going to. be and this is what you're going to do.". And I said, "Who?" And he said, "Bob. Cousy.". And I said, [laughter] "What?" And he. said, "Bob Cousy. Bob Cousy.". >> Oh my god. >> star out of Holy Cross College in. Worcester who was a big star for the. Celtics in the 1940s [laughter] and '50s. back when people shot He would shoot his. uh whiter than me and he would shoot his. free throws between his legs. Like he'd.

Granny. >> Granny style. >> Granny style. He would shoot them. between his legs and great player, but. this is 1993. and and I'm being. >> way, he's still alive. >> Yeah. Oh yeah. And And God bless you. I'd have him now. I'd have him now. >> But as my first guest in 1993, can you. imagine if I said Bob Cousy? >> Um You know, when I was a kid. >> how and I said, "I don't know if that's. going to work for the first." And. they're like, "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING. ABOUT?" IT'S BOB COUSY. IT'S BOB COUSY. Everyone's going to go crazy. Yeah, everyone in Worcester is going to go.

crazy. >> lived in the night what they call the. night section of Worcester which I can't. remember at that time when it was when. we were growing up, but on Sundays, you. know, when your parents would drive. around and look at houses that you're. never going to live in after mass on. Sundays. [laughter] Yeah. Cuz we lived in Main South. We lived in. an apartment in a two and a half decker, not even a three decker. So. my my father would drive us by Bob. Cousy's house. >> [laughter]. >> In the nice neighborhood. He's like, Bob. Cousy's house and we're like, yeah, we. know. We go by it every Sunday. Yeah. [laughter] You know what I mean? They go to the armory now. He He had a.

He had a driving school for a while in. Worcester. What? >> Yeah. A driving school. Bob Cousy's. driving school. >> to drive like Bob Cousy. >> I mean, like what is that? >> [laughter]. >> What the does he have a driving. school? >> So, um. I mean, it's so crazy. >> I want to ask you about because this is. something you can relate to because of. what you just said. And I wasn't going. to talk about this, but when you're uh. Irish Catholic and growing up in, you. know, in you're in Boston or you're in. uh Central Massachusetts, there's this whole thing of what kind of.

Irish are you? My mother um was, you. know, had been the first in her family. like to I'm not the first in her family, but her generation was the first in her. family, obviously, to to go to college. >> Yeah, yeah. And she um. she had really worked hard and she had. uh become a lawyer and she used to uh. sometimes talk to us about how we are. not. you know, we are not we are lace curtain.

Irish. And my brothers and I would sit. you know, and my sisters would be. sitting around being like, what are you. talking about? >> What? >> And she'd say, you know, we are not. triple decker Irish. You know, she she. would have. >> out of Worcester and become a lace. curtain Irish. >> No, exactly. And I'd say, Mom, WHAT ARE. YOU TALKING ABOUT? JUST CUZ you moved to. Brookline? Yeah, and also. >> [laughter]. >> also I'd look in the corner and be like. a ham hanging on a rope. And my brother Neil was hanging off of. it like a bear in the woods. >> [laughter]. >> I mean, all of our behavior. >> What? we would have potato fights. There. was I mean,

there was nothing about us that was at. all respectable in the way that we. behaved, but she was just willing it to. be so. I think this is so crazy because. when I heard lace curtain Irish when you. when you grow up in. in Massachusetts, especially in our age. group like the Kennedys, right? This is before, you know, RFK Jr. This. is like, you know, when the Kennedys. were the Kennedys, right? So, I still. remember actually This is like one of my. first memories. growing when I as a kid growing up, like.

I don't know why. It's the summer of. '63. My parents couldn't afford to go. back to Ireland when they came over in. in '49 and '50, they couldn't afford to. go back. Then, uh in 1963 was the first time they could. afford to go, but they can only take one. kid with them cuz that's they didn't. have enough money. So, my older brother. Johnny got to go and the rest of us got. dispersed to other apartments and. cousins. [laughter]. Now, by the way, let's keep in mind, this is 1803. >> Yeah, yeah, that's right. So, we ate. coal for breakfast. >> remember that summer really well cuz. that's the summer that JFK went to. Ireland.

>> Yep. >> But, I remember being at Logan and my. mother and my father get on this plane. with my brother, who I really hate now. cuz [laughter] he's going to Ireland. And I got stuck with my Aunt Betty, who. had no kids and who who gave me a Bible. It's the summertime. >> Oh. Gave me a Bible. >> the summer It was a summertime Bible. I. had a good one. [laughter]. CHARLI XCX SUMMERTIME BIBLE. >> [laughter]. >> IT'S BIBLE SUMMER. IT'S BIBLE SUMMER. I don't know why that. didn't catch on.

She [laughter] keeps flogging it and. it's not catching on. >> god. Uh. anyway, she took us I had to go to mass. every day. I had to go to mass every. day. And then she'd walk me over to. where my sister Marie was at my my. cousins, the Lucys. They were a couple. blocks away where all the kids were. having a blast in their yard. And she. was like, "I don't want you to get too. dirty. We have to go back." And I'm like. and I That was a month of the But. anyways, also that when my parents came back, which I still remember, that.

Kennedy was in Ireland, which was a big. thing, but then he he spoke at Holy. Cross that summer at the end of the. summer. So, he drove through the. neighborhood with the cover on the car. Yeah. Huh, unfortunate choice. In. Worcester, Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> right? There's nothing to worry about. Worcester. >> Yeah. He went to Yeah, and that was like. 3 months later when he got Right. Killed. And I remember that because that. I remember the nuns telling us to go. home. Cuz we lived in the We went to. school in the neighborhood where we. lived. So, you know, it was I think I. was I was in art class, I think, that.

day. We were in art class and the nuns. were like, "Everybody go home." We're. like, "What?". Cuz they had They knew the kind of thing. >> me to go home, I wouldn't question it. for a second. [laughter] Wait a minute. Are you sure we can't have more Catholic. instruction? CUZ I THINK WE GOT 40. minutes left. SIT DOWN, MR. O'BRIEN. >> just got a new Bible. >> GOT MY SUMMER [laughter] I GOT MY SUMMER. ASSIGNMENT BIBLE. YEAH. Uh that that. that summer lives in my That was so. horrible living without Betty. Oh my.

god. >> Well, mass every. >> me up with a tie every day in the. summertime. It was horrible. Mass every. day. >> Mass every day. I didn't know they did. With this stupid Bible. >> [laughter]. >> Stupid. >> why you were chosen to go with Betty and. the other ones got Because she didn't. have any kids and they felt bad later. when I asked them but they were like, "We wanted her to have a kid." But why. did you [laughter] get Why did you have. to go to Betty? Because I was her. godchild. Oh. >> Oh, there you go. And has. Her husband.

>> You drew the short straw. >> Oh my god, it was so horrible. Anyways, but thank [laughter] god I. lived past it. So Well, she's here today. Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> Let's bring her out. She's 100 and I'm still alive. Um [laughter]. No, it it's so funny because there's. this There's this life that I knew. growing up. and it's everyone's Irish. Everybody's. Irish Everybody's Irish and. Massachusetts and so.

and and you know, we don't get to choose. what our makeup is. Uh that's just what we are, and it's so. interesting to me how comedy. was just. it was just I don't know, it just felt. like a cellular thing. It didn't even. feel like a choice. And I don't even. mean as a profession, I mean. everybody would be funny. Yeah, you. probably had this experience where I. hung out with some Irish comics in.

Dublin and everybody was really. hilarious. Then we decided to go into. town and get a drink. We hailed a cab. and the cab driver was funnier than any. of us. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just something. >> in your family. I'm I know from what. I've heard you say before, I know in my. family this is true. My parents were. really funny. All my aunts were really. Everybody was sarcastic. Yeah. And so. I'm sure your family was the same. >> Same thing. And And really funny stories. and people just laughing their asses off. around the table. eating some of the unhealthiest food.

that you can imagine. >> worst. The worst. Oh my god. >> waiting for the Surgeon General to say, you know, ham is fried ham with butter. is actually lengthens your life cuz then. [laughter] I'd be in great shape. >> I remember there was an Italian family. that lived next door, the Corellis. Their mother used to cook like while you. were out playing football or baseball or. street hockey in the street in the. summertime, she would come out with. homemade pizza or Yeah. I mean just. unbelievable. So my brother My brother.

and I My brother ended up marrying an. Italian girl. My brother was like You. know, Mom, Mrs. Corelli makes the best. And she's like, I can make pasta. I can. make spaghetti. And we're like, oh, please don't. >> [laughter]. >> Right? And so one night she made this I'll. never forget this. She She I loved her. I loved my mother. She just passed away. this year. She was 98. Wow. And she was lucid right up to the end. But you She was She was Irish cook. You. know what that Yes, I do. Boil it. It's. like that [laughter]. You remember Don Gavin, the comedian. from Boston? He had a great line one.

time. He was like, um, I was I was. eating my mother's food and and my. brother turned to me and said, "This. tastes like shit." And I went, "You can. taste it?" That sums up. >> [laughter]. >> Irish food, right? So, I remember my What I remember very. clearly is. my mom would say, wanted to make uh she. used to make spaghetti with meat sauce, was you know, what she thought was. spaghetti meat sauce. And basically what. it was was many packages of hamburger. meat Yeah. >> that are that are fried up in a giant.

and then you put some pasta in there and. there was I don't even know if there was. sauce, but. for years and I loved it, but I thought. that that was spaghetti with meat sauce. And so, when I went to when I, you know, finally left home and then I'm in New. York and I go to an Italian restaurant, um, I was I think I was berating a. waiter. Like, "Sir, >> [laughter]. >> there should be six hamburgers. There should be at least 3 lb of ground. beef that's been that's been fried.

>> [laughter]. >> in this I mean, basically I thought it. was a burger.". >> And there's too much flavor. What's. going on here? >> [laughter]. >> WHY DOES IT SUDDENLY TASTE GOOD? WHY. does it taste good? Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> Uh it was crazy. I And also, then my. brother married an Italian and there was. a lot of Italians in the neighborhood. There was Armenians in our neighborhood. There was. It was crazy. We went to the same school. for 12 years, right? So, you had all. these different Puerto Ricans, these. different kinds of food and every night. you're eating stuff that you can't. taste. >> Yeah. Yeah. And then on Fridays when.

they have fish, it's fish sticks. Oh my god. >> Yeah. Yeah. And my dad putting ketchup on the pasta. Oh. Oh, yeah. Well, that's I mean I. mean, what Where Where do we live? And. like you're like, I Listen, go out the. back door on the porch and look across. at the porch [laughter] across the. alley. You There's Puerto Rican people. eating really good food. Can we go over. there? The Corrales are right over here. Oh my god. Oh my god. >> [laughter]. >> My father My father ate literally he ate. meat at everything he ate had to have.

meat. Bacon and [laughter] eggs, steak. and eggs, and he smoked five packs a. day. I I shouldn't have talked. I smoked. for 52 years. >> Well, I I I remember very clearly. I getting the talk show and doing the. talk show. It's like 2 years in. It's. starting to level out. It looks like I'm. going to make it. I went to some with my. girlfriend at the time some. uh fancy kind of resorty place in. California cuz I had a week I think I. had a week off which never happened. And. we went out and I think it was, you.

know, sort of north of San Francisco. right on, you know, cliffs and and it. was a very uh supposed to be like a very. you know, wonderful. uh health conscious place. And I'll. never forget I went in the morning to. get my breakfast. And they had laid out. this table today that I'd be delighted. with. Fruits, granola, different, you. know, juices, all that kind of stuff. And I started to get mad and I was. holding my plate and I was sh- like.

shaking I was so mad. My girlfriend's. like, "What's your problem?" I WAS LIKE, "THERE'S NO EGGS. THERE'S NO BACON." AND. SHE WAS LIKE, "HEY, CHILL.". >> [laughter]. >> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. AND THEN I. WENT OUTSIDE. I I put the plate down. I. walked outside and I started kicking a. tree. What? >> [laughter]. >> I was so mad. And you were like, at what. age is are you at that point? >> like 32 and I was like, Hey, listen. I'M WITH YOU BECAUSE AND. keep in mind at that time I went and got. a cholesterol test and they said my.

cholesterol was like, you know, 350. and they base and I remember having this. image in my head that if I stopped fast. at a traffic light in my car, a. cholesterol meter would come crashing. through my chest cuz I was made of. cholesterol. But it's not your. fault. That's your parents and your. grand It's It's It's Ireland's fault. >> Yeah. But this morning, you know, my. wife makes granola, I put some berries. in there. That's what I had this. morning. But I still, when she's not. looking, put six slices of ham. >> [laughter]. >> Ham on a rope. I love I love bacon, man.

Oh, yeah. >> bacon. And by the way, I love Ireland. But, um. I I've got a lot of cousins there, and. I'm shooting a television show over. there. Yeah, I want to talk about that. Yeah. So, uh it's funny cuz my. generation, like two of my cousins took. over the family farms, which are very. close to each other in Killarney. My My. mother and my father met in Killarney. Um and and so, it's so interesting. because help healthy food, like many. other things, have come to Ireland.

Ireland is doing great financially, and. it's the film and television industry is. booming there. And And other As I've. grown up, Spanish food and all these. other kinds of food have come into Even. in Killarney, you go into Killarney, that you can get French food and Span-. which is fantastic. I went, this is not. that long ago, 15, 20 years ago, maybe, went back to Ireland with my mother, and. we went to a restaurant in town. A bunch. of cousins my age and their kids and my. kids. And it was this like really nice.

Spanish restaurant, which I'd never been. to. And they're like, "It's great." We. get there, and my Uncle Dennis, who I'm. named for, my mom's brother, and my mom, we're It's like 20 people at this table. We go in there, and we order, and they I. think they're ordering, right? And then, next thing I know, we're all talking and. everything. One of my cousins comes in, and he's got. fish and chip bags from the from the. fish and chip place across the street. Like, they're just dripping with grease. Brown bags. And I'm like, "This kid's. going to eat." And he hands a bag to my.

mom and a bag to my Uncle Dennis, who. are way down there. So, I go to my. cousin Mahal, I go, "What's going on?". He goes, "Oh, they. they won't eat the Spanish food, so, you. know, they're allowed to bring in fish. and chips.". I go, "Ma, you" She goes, "I'm not. having this stuff, this Spanish stuff. >> Yeah. Everyone knows Spanish food is. awful. [laughter]. She literally She wouldn't even eat real. Italian food she didn't like. She was. like, "Meat, potatoes.". I had When I lived in. >> Also, we're like vampires when you show.

US A VEGETABLE. >> [laughter]. >> MY I HAD WHEN I. WHEN I LIVED IN CHARLESTOWN, my. girlfriend, my wife now, um. we had my my sister Emery and my mom. over. cuz my mom was in in Boston getting some. health stuff done. And so she steamed. some salmon and some broccoli and. some kind of potato dish. And she served. it. And my sister Emery, my mother, we're all talking and everything. So. they bite in. And my sister Emery goes, "Hey, this broccoli, it's hot.".

>> [laughter]. >> AND AND SO AND Emery goes And it's. green. My My girlfriend Ann goes, "No, no, no. I I know Ann. I steamed it." And she. goes, "No, no, but it's hot.". >> [laughter]. >> And she takes her plate and my mother's. plate and goes into my aunt's kitchen in. the apartment and reboils the broccoli. Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> I. I understand. I understand. In the apartment where my. mother literally My mother said to me. one day, she goes She was there. When we.

were growing up is in the '70s, my. parents got the like avocado green. refrigerator and stove. >> Yep. You remember that? Yep. So my. mother's in the kitchen of that. apartment. And she she picks up an. avocado. And she goes, "Now this is an. avocado, right? This is like This is. 1985.". >> Yeah. Yeah. This is an avocado, right? And I go, "Yeah." She goes, "Huh. Yeah.". And I go, "What? You've never seen an. No, no, I've seen avocados. I'm just. saying that's an avocado." And I go. >> [laughter]. >> Spoken like someone who really is around.

avocados a lot. I'm like, "Ma, >> [laughter]. >> I said when we were growing up, didn't. you have an avocado colored She Yeah, she goes, "We had the color design and. the kitchen was avocado, but I wouldn't. eat those things. She goes, "They're so. greasy and soft." I'm like, [laughter]. "Oh my god.". "GREASY AND SOFT? WHO WHO WOULD describe. an avocado as greasy?". And And also, people who eat grease. >> [laughter]. >> Eat grease. >> Ma, it's green. That's You came from a. green day. I'm old dial.

>> [laughter]. >> It ties into our whole. I I remember saying this to my mother. like. >> [laughter]. >> I can't. My mother said this one time, this kid that we grew up with one of my. best friends, a raging alcoholic. Died. from alcoholism very young. And I And. she goes, [laughter]. "This is just a theme. You'll recognize. this one." I go, "Yeah, so listen, he he. he's coming over. He quit drinking.". This is at her house in Worcester. He's coming over, he quit drinking, so. don't give him anything. She goes, "Okay." He walks in the door, she says, "Hi." We sit down, and then next thing I. know, she cracks a beer and puts it in.

front of him. I go, "Ma, what are you. doing?" And he Of course, he's like, "Hey." Like this. [laughter] She goes, "What?" I go, "He can't drink. You can't. drink." And he goes, "I know. Yeah, I. can't I" She goes, "No, that's just. beer.". >> [laughter]. >> Beer doesn't count. >> Guinness doesn't count. Beer doesn't. count. Right. No, Guinness is. >> [laughter]. >> Guinness IS LIKE A GLASS OF MILK. OH, that's growing up. That's like It's like. a loaf of bread. >> Yeah. Oh, my god. >> He can't be an alcoholic. All he DRINKS. IS BEER. >> [laughter].

>> MA, HE HAD 35 BEERS. HE'S OKAY. >> [laughter]. >> HE'S DRIVING A SCHOOL BUS IN THE. MORNING. HE'LL be all right. My brother, I would be in a car with my a van with. my brother. When we were like in our. 20s, and he'd be like I he'd have a. cooler full of beer, and I'd be like, "You're driving and drinking beers?" He. goes, "Yeah. It's not like I'm drinking. booze.". >> [laughter]. >> WHAT IS HAPPENING? IT'S A FASCINATING I. DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. YOU KNOW. WHAT'S SO FUNNY? This all makes. perfect sense. >> even sound like comedy to me, cuz it's.

just [laughter] You're like a We're like. two fish, and you're describing water, and these two lizards over HERE ARE. GOING WATER WATER AND I'M LIKE WHAT ARE. YOU TALKING ABOUT [laughter] OF COURSE. NO ONE would have a hard vegetable you. need to boil that until it's a. paste and it's great I have to tell you. LIKE. >> [laughter]. >> A GREAT PASTE. SO FUNNY. I HAVE a because of my algorithms and my. on my Instagram feed on my phone. everyday comes up comes clap.

like from last night there was one this. morning I saw. you know. people fighting at a hockey game in. Massachusetts right a kids hockey game. the one this morning was you see these. two guys go oh yeah like say it again. say it again there's a it's a girls. hockey game you can see the girls. stopping. >> [laughter]. >> and then you see a woman come at a woman. of course it's Massachusetts and she. hits the first GUY HEY. >> [laughter]. >> YOU SHUT UP AND LEAVE him alone there's. always a woman every girlfriend I had. that was from Massachusetts.

could fight. the Nebraska sisters oh my god. you did not want to mess with them now. it's crazy these are kids hockey games. kids oh yeah last night oh my god I. thought you were going to say like fans. from like you know no no it's. Massachusetts a fight can break out at. any time. >> but you know what's interesting is the. whole. uh. culture there's something in the whole. culture and it's in the it's in the. comedy scene and everything there's just. this people think of like New York is.

tough and you think. Boston. uh you can almost hear people have like. gravel when they talk and like in their. it's it's in their persona it's in their. language it's everything is very. abrasive and I remember we used to have. in the early days of late night I would. have all these Boston comics come on and. some of them you know you'd have a comic. on who had only been in the clubs in. Boston. >> yeah yeah yeah and I'd be there and I'd. say all right everybody and now we got a. great you know. here he comes and I'd. throw to a here's a brand new comic in.

Boston he's been a big big deal in the. Boston comedy scene. Here he is. And a. guy would come out and he'd have his hat. pulled down over his eyes. >> [laughter]. >> and he'd be like, "Eh, yeah." And it was. pure vitriol and anger. And I remember. my audience would be like, "Jesus. Christ! [laughter]. Make that monster go away." I know. It's. so crazy. It's so crazy. Cuz they had. lived in a They had grown up in a sea of. lava. And this was their first time. out, you know? >> most amazing I mean, there's a lot of.

great comedians over the years from my. generation uh through Bill Burr's. generation and even now. But that I went. to college at Emerson College with. Steven Wright. Yep. So in college, Steven was the shyest human being on the. planet, right? But really funny, quietly, really unbelievably funny. And. he So when he started doing stand-up, that was one of the reasons I got into. it is because somebody told me, "Hey, Steven Wright's doing stand-up. >> Yeah. after we graduated at a Chinese. restaurant in Cambridge. Where there's a.

town I was like, "A Chinese restaurant. in Cambridge with a town Steven Wright?". And I went and he was He was so. different from. >> Yeah. Lenny Clark was hosting that show. That's how I went. >> going to bring up Lenny cuz I saw him at. the Cam Neely show. >> Yeah, yeah. Lenny Clark, just this. absolute Mount Rushmore icon of Boston. comics. And I loved hanging out with him. because it was like, I'm so glad he's. he's here. He was really funny. Uh, he's. >> the Fred Flintstone of Boston comics. He. literally.

>> looks like Fred Flintstone come to life. And he talk He's really loud. >> He's a great actor, too, but he's. This is the way HE TALKS. YEAH. >> [laughter]. >> UM, HE LOVES YOU. BUT UH, he's he was. hosting that show. And it was a talent. show and Steven Wright was just so he. His jokes were like haiku. It was so so. beautifully written. But he was the only. person like that. You know, everybody. Bobcat Goldthwait came out of my. generation. Everybody was loud. Bill. Burr, um you know, everybody was sarcastic and.

loud and quick, you know? The crowds. were tough. You know? But, Steven to. this day, he's like a It's like he's a. diamond, you know? No, he's I mean. I always think if. Steven's stand-up was always these jokes. that are. polished stones. that are really precise. Like. some of the most famous ones, like Small. World, but I wouldn't want to paint it. Yeah, yeah. [laughter].

It's incredible. That joke is just like. Yeah. What are you talking about? You're. coming up from that in that scene, and I. know that you were interested when. you're at Emerson, you're interested in. comedy. >> Yes. Right? And you started uh like a. comedy group that's I think still going. today. >> Yeah. Yeah. Um The Comedy Workshop. So, you knew this is something I'd like to. do at an very early age. Yeah. So, when. I was growing up, my my dad was a. mechanic by trade, but he was a great. musician, and he played in Irish bands, and he played accordion. Like after a.

wedding or. uh you know, any kind of big family. event, people would come back to our. apartment and eventually the house we. lived in. Um and my dad would play. accordion, and there was always music in. the house, but my dad was my and my mom. so funny. So, like so funny and. so sarcastic. Like the moment you walked. in the door from school, "What the hell. are you so happy?" Like they would start. in on you, right? So, we were all funny. in response to that, naturally, as you. know. Um. and then when I was a kid, a teenager,

uh. I saw Monty Python. Yeah. And. and Richard Pryor, like almost like the. the rebellious new Richard Pryor, like. 1972, '73. I was like and then George. Carlin. And I was like, "What the. is this?" Right. >> Monty Python just made our heads. explode. Yeah. I mean, that was crazy. That was the new I always I've told Eric. Idle this a million times. That was the. for me anyway, that was the atomic bomb. blast. That was the Oppenheimer moment. of Yep. Oh, sketches don't have to end. >> Yep. >> like, well, and so it was, you know, I.

guess we really are the fat head family. and then the curtain comes down. Um, that they they just blew everything up. in this lovely way. >> were like the Beatles of of comedy. I. never to this day nothing has ever done. that atomic say although I did prior and. Carlin and especially Carlin cuz he was. talking like he was in the neighborhood. He was talking about Catholic school and. nuns and seven dirty words and all that. stuff. Uh, so then I was like and then Saturday. Night Live happened. Yeah. And that.

first cast and I was like Belushi. especially I was like, what the is. this? >> Yeah. You know? It's still true. Like I. at that same time in music although I. was a. more of a Stones fan. I mean I don't. really remember seeing the Beatles on to. TV and stuff but I like the Beatles but. I David Bowie. Mhm. The first time I saw. Bowie I was like my brother and I were. like, what is this? >> Yeah. Uh, which was that just music. [clears throat]. >> he's androgynous, I'm androgynous. [laughter].

I remember that really clearly. You know? You felt seen. >> I felt seen. You felt it for the first. time. >> David Bowie was singing to [laughter]. you. And he was also saying, hey Conan, you want to try this outfit on? >> [laughter]. >> Yes, I do. And yet he still seems. tougher than me. >> Yeah. Oh, he beat the out of me. along with the Sikorsky twins or. whatever their name is. >> [laughter]. >> Um The Sikorsky twins. Uh, no, but I. it's so. >> [laughter]. >> So it's interesting to me that you see.

that happening, you start this group and. then you start getting up on stage. >> be fair though, I the group was started. by me and a and a bunch of other Mhm. friends of mine at the time. Uh, we because we couldn't the the juniors. and seniors would get the acting roles. Rightfully so before before graduated. You had to. wait in line. There was a seniority. system. Everybody had to play a major. lead role in a play or a musical before. you left the school to get your degree. cuz it was acting and writing, right? So, we got there and we're like, we're. never going to get on stage. Then we. found out you could for you can get.

money from the student government to. form a theater group. We were all comedy. nerds. We loved SNL, which is the. beginning of SNL at that time, and. Python, uh Pryor, Carlin, um. we all loved those shows like the Mary. Tyler Moore all those funny women on the. Mary Tyler Moore Show. It was Yeah. So, a bunch of us formed the the. the group and it was it was packed with. talent. Lauren Dombrowski was my. girlfriend at the time ended up being. one of the producers of Mad TV. Um Mario. Cantone was in the original group who's.

just like who was as funny at that time. when we were 18 years old as he is now. Um. there were so many talented people in. that in that era. Um and then there was. a couple of guys who. later in the comedy works up who ended. up writing on on The Simpsons. Um. John Frank Yep. Yep. John Frank he's. hilarious. And at my generation after I. left the comedy works up then there was. David Cross and I mean Laura. Kightlinger. I mean there was an. an insane amount of talent at that. school. Um.

It still is. I have to say. I'm often back there in Boston. A lot of. my uh you know, siblings live around the. area and so I find myself in Boston a. lot and I'm always talking to people who. are really sharp, really funny and then. it turns out they're Emerson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Emerson there's something in. the water at Emerson. So many great. people have come from there. >> Well, it's just the it's the type of. kids. it's the theater kids from high school, the funny kids from high school, the the. best dancers, the film Those are the.

kind of kids who go to a school like. Emerson. So, that's like it's more. you're finding people more like. yourself. Yeah. You know, like in high. school I was really funny. You know, I I. I didn't I wasn't going to make it as a. hockey player, but I was really funny in. the back of the class. Right. And uh and. then. I was trying to make my friends laugh. But I didn't think that that was going. to turn into something, but here we are. Right. You're covering up pools, I'm. your guest. >> [laughter]. >> You own a building. You own a building. >> I own a building. I had nuns who told me. I had one Spanish nun and she was right.

in her way. I I flunked Spanish twice in. high school. She's like, "I'm just going. to give you a a passing grade to get you. out of the building, Leary.". >> [laughter]. >> And she was like, "WHAT WHAT ARE YOU. GOING TO DO WITH YOURSELF? What's going to happen to you? You're. not going to go anywhere.". >> [laughter]. >> Hey sister Judith Cappenman, that was. her name. Yeah. Sister Judith Cappenman. No free ride. >> Yeah. No free ride. >> Don't mention her. Right somewhere right. now Gene Simmons is going like, "Why. [laughter] did he mention her? Why should she get a free ride? SHE'S A.

CATHOLIC NUN." SHE'S [laughter] PROBABLY. DEAD. WHY should she get a free ride? >> Listen, she has to be dead. >> [laughter]. >> She has to be dead. She was like 90. You. say it like you say it like someone who. hired three hit men. No, I KNOW. SHE HAS. TO BE DEAD. >> [laughter]. >> BUT I'VE HIRED THE BEST. LIKE CONAN. SEVEN TIMES. YOU KNOW THAT THAT'S THAT. REALLY is. the same nuns and the same priests for. 12 years. There are nuns where I'm like, "Is she dead? She's got to be dead, right?". >> [laughter]. >> I would never say it. >> It's That's not a good sentence. She has to BE DEAD. SHE HAS TO BE.

>> SHE STILL BE ALIVE? >> [laughter]. >> NO ONE SURVIVES A CAR BOMB LIKE THAT. >> IN A BARREL. WITH. SO SOME MAN BLOCKED out and we dropped. her in THE MYSTIC RIVER. HOW IS SHE. ALIVE? WE DROVE HER TO CHINATOWN, threw her off. the bridge. [laughter]. And she's back again. >> me of? In the first In The Godfather, the first one In the first Godfather, when Solozzo finds out that the Don is. still alive They shot him and he goes, "HE'S STILL ALIVE.". >> HE'S STILL ALIVE.

IT'S BAD NEWS FOR ME AND WORSE FOR YOU. IF YOU CAN'T make this deal, Tom. But I. always I always Always is like a It's a. thing in my brain. Still alive. Yeah. And that's what you're some of they're. going to come and tell you, "No, no, she's around. SHE'S 150." STILL ALIVE. WELL, I'LL TELL YOU THERE WAS ONE GREAT. NUN THERE AND that was the theater nun. at the at St. Peter's school. >> a theater nun. >> [laughter]. >> She. She put me in plays. and and I loved it cuz the hottest girls. were in the plays and eventually like my. brother and all the jocks were like, "Yeah, we want to be in the plays too. now and hold the girls and everything.".

But she. >> [laughter]. >> she. HEY, ARE THERE ANY GOOD HOLDING PLAYS? HOW MUCH HOLDING IS THERE IN OTHELLO? >> [laughter]. >> THAT'S HOW THEY RANK THE PLAYS. NO, BECAUSE she would tell you like grab. her by the the bosom and by the rump and. lift her up for the dance review. numbers, right? So I told. >> I want that part. Yeah. I told my. brother and those guys they were like, "What do you mean you get to grab?" I'm. like, "Yeah." Anyways, Bill Murray told. me the same story. a whole acting.

philosophy [laughter] around as much. grabbing as possible. So Bill Murray. said I heard him tell the same story one. time and he was at at a Catholic school. and a nun made him be in the in a. musical. Right. And he went in and it. was the hottest girls and he was like, "What is this?" Anyways, that nun Sister. Rosemary Sullivan at St. Peter's. and I wasn't a great student. She said, "Listen, I can I I took a night class at. Emerson I have connections there. You. just audition and you do a written essay. and then you do a like a live audition. Right. And and you can get a scholarship. and that's how I got the scholarship at. Emerson she got me the audition. So.

that's how I got into Emerson it changed. my life and I stayed friends with her. till she died. She followed my career. She was a great nun, but there there's a. lot of nuns that I literally still think. like she can't is she is she alive? Is. she out there? Cuz they were so. mean. They were like they were like a. just like a cult of angry women. who just hated kids. >> Okay, that's all the time we have. They could hit you. This microphone. isn't working. I can't even I. My microphone isn't working. He's still.

afraid. HE'S MEGATRON. >> [laughter]. >> I'M TERRIFIED OF NUNS AT THE CENACLE. WHEN THEY WEAR THE HABIT, I MEAN the. thing is you have to remember there's. the habit which is black. THEY'RE LIKE. IT'S LIKE you know it's it's a Marvel. Universe villain. No, no, no. They were. literally villains. Like this girl you. weren't allowed to have pierced ears and. this girl showed up with pierced ears. right at the beginning of after the. summer and we were you know you're. changing classes you're all in the. hallway and we heard this scream and.

this nun had torn this girl's. earrings out of her ears so she's. bleeding. Yeah. >> god. >> And and threw the things down and gave. her detention. We're like this and they. used to grab the girls and hit them on. the back of the legs and grab them and. measure their skirts. But they could hit. you and like when you went home and said. ma I got hit by Sister Judith Capman and. they said what did you do? What did you. do? Yeah, what did you do? What did you. do? Sure you had it coming. Which but most. of the time I did have it coming. But. I'm just saying they didn't they. hit you. Sometimes they hit you. just cuz they could. To be fair your.

skirt was THE PROPER LENGTH. >> [laughter]. >> I WANT I GOT TO MAKE SURE I MENTION Oh. my god. the show Going Dutch which. you've been working on which which by. the way. >> the skirt because David Bowie was so. [laughter] good. HE WAS HUGE. I HAD A CRUSH ON THIS GIRL CONAN. YES. Going Dutch you know I just cuz one of. the writers who's helping me out who. uh Skyler is a fantastic writer and he's. been working for you and um he uh he.

worked on the show and I said how is it. and he said oh it's you know where it's. in Ireland and I said you're shooting it. in Ireland which is not where the show. takes place no but it is. it's fascinating to me that yeah that's. where so much production is done now. >> Yeah. Well we're shooting there because. the show is set it's based on a real. army base that was in the Netherlands. that got shut down. >> It's a funny idea. >> Yeah it's because of black market you. know drugs are legal sex is legal. prostitution is legal in in um You've. been sent to the least necessary base. >> Now that base in real life is closed.

down. Right. >> So, we're telling the story our military. advisor was at that base. But, I Ireland matches the Netherlands. in terms of landscape, right? And um we. have villages where we can shoot. So, uh. we were we shot it in Ireland so we. didn't have to deal with the military or. anybody in Amsterdam in terms of what we. were going to do. Um but my son. developed that project and he's the. executive producer so it's the first. time I'm like my son is my boss. >> what what what what what what what is. that like? >> bizarre. [laughter]. >> What is that like your son telling you.

let's try it again? I It's interesting. cuz we do a lot of improv, right? It's. great writing and and the the uh. showrunners on set um uh Joel Church. Cooper, he's the guy that Brockmire with. Hank Azaria. He's a brilliant writer. And uh and some of the writers are on. set and their their pages are great. So, we do the pages, but then we always. improvise from that and sometimes he. comes in in the morning and goes forget. the pages. I change my mind or we come. in and go, "Hey, what if we did" So, there's a lot of improvisation. So, my. son has a great sense of humor and I and.

I trust him. He developed the the. material with Joel. Um he'll just come. in like anybody else and go, "Dad, that. sucked. Um you guys were great. Dennis, you were terrible. Let's do something. else. You try something else. You guys. do what you were doing." Or he'll come. in and go, "Hey, Dennis, that was funny. Um you guys that was great." So, it's. like I'm just another guy on the set. I. happen to you know, and and he's You see. my son, he's huge. He was he was. backstage. Yeah. He produces He produces. the the uh concert. Yeah, he was. backstage at the Kimmel thing. It's. funny cuz I have to I've been looking up. to him since he was like 14. But,

[laughter] he's 6' 7" my son. So, it's. like when I when I'm when he goes like, "Hey, that wasn't very funny, Dennis.". I'm like, "Okay, Jack.". >> [laughter]. >> But, he's got a great sense of humor. My. son is really funny. Uh you know. He puts it When I met him he put his. plate on top of your head. >> [laughter]. >> It's so funny because. >> a beautiful uh Caesar salad. cuz my. son's name is Jack and he's 6'7" and Cam. Neely's. uh son is also named Jack and he's like. 6'6". So, the two of us are like, you.

know, looking up at them. It's so I. think we have a psychological advantage, but neither one of us wants to find out. if. >> [laughter]. >> if we would actually win in a fight. >> get into that. Not getting into that. Um. >> [laughter]. >> listen, I wish we could do this all day. because this is this is not You know, I. always say about the podcast, this is. not work. I don't know what this is, but. it is not work. And then there are days. like today where it's just I mean, uh. you and I can finish you finish each. other's sentences. So, I dedicate this. episode to the Learys in Worcester, the.

Reardons in Worcester, O'Briens. scattered all around Massachusetts. O'Learys. >> O'Learys. We found out but when we were. at Comics Come Home what cuz one of my. sisters was there. Like I think we. chased it down somebody chased it down. to a Reardon. or a Daily. There was a Daily in your on. See, I don't know. I've never quite. figured out what our connection is. I. mean, we're all related somehow. >> Your mother was a Reardon, right? It's. uh we all come from that same green. rock. Yeah. [laughter] We all look the. same. Yeah. You guys look alike.

>> Yeah. Yeah. Look look at like my legs. start here. Yeah. So, [laughter]. um but I think it was that there's. Dailys on Reardons on your mother's. side, right? Yeah. Yeah. So, I think. there's Dailys in the Reardon side and. then those Dailys came out of Cork, which is where the Learys were Yeah. and. went into Kerry and one of them ended up. in Killarney. So, that's where I think. it it all connects up. So, that Daily. was involved But some people think, "Oh,

so you and Dennis used to see each other. at Christmas and stuff growing up." I. was like, "No. We're cousins the way. Sona and I are cousins.". >> Yeah. Huh. [laughter]. I'm complete. I'm so armo. You have no. idea. Um. fiber Well, listen, you got to Let me. just tell you something about purebreds. like us. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah. Tell me. Okay, we can't we can't. go out in the sun. And we And don't put too much spice in. the in the spaghetti. >> any. Don't put any. Don't put any. You. know [laughter] what? Let us boil it. Yeah. We'll take care of it.

And we don't have drinking problems. >> [laughter]. >> No, we don't. We do not. You just drink lots of beer. >> Yeah. No, listen. Beer is not alcoholic. There's no alcohol in beer. There's no. alcohol in beer. I said to the idiot. organic. >> [laughter]. >> Jesus. All right, well you got to come. back cuz this was really fun. Yeah. And. uh and this is like Hey, watch the. language. [laughter] I'm trying to reach. the kids. >> one time. You know what? God bless you.

>> And I didn't say. >> [laughter]. >> Somewhere some dead nuns are very proud. of you. Murdered nuns. Yeah. Ones that started. their car at the wrong time. >> They're climbing out of the coffins AS. WE SPEAK. NOT AFTER WHAT I'VE DONE. >> SHE CAN'T BE ALIVE. ALL RIGHT, DENNIS, go with God. We'll see you later. >> That was awesome.