Danny McBride Gave Conan A Dick Laser | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

very excited about our guest today. Normally we don't talk about the guest. in this part of the segment, but we just. taped Yeah. with the guest, uh, Danny. McBride. And Danny McBride, I'm walking. him out. We had a great time. It's. really fun interview. I love this. interview. And we've been wanting to get. him for a long time. Yeah. And we're. walking out on the way out. He went, "Hey, man. Uh, I got a gift for you that. I brought for you." And I didn't know. what it was going to be. And he's. fishing around his pocket. He takes out. what looks at first like a very. expensive pen. And then he said, "It's a. dick light.". And.

it's a light that shines a penis uh onto. things. It shines uh what uh it shines a. penis, I believe, onto Oh, I see it. Yeah. Yeah. It's a little guy. Yeah. I've had girls say that to me. What? Oh, I see it. Do you want Do you want to try. shining it on the wall so we can Does it. not turn off? Yeah, there it is. Yeah. Oh, a dick. Where? right on the door. It's right there. I don't see it. I.

don't see the dick. Oh, there it is. Yes. There's never been more call for that's. what she said, but I'll leave it at. that. There you go. So, anyway, this is. what Danny McBride gave me. At first, I. thought he was giving me a Mont Blanc. pen, you know, and I thought, "Oh, I. can't accept this." But, uh, this is. what he brought me, and I can um I can. now shine a cartoon penis. on anything at any time. What are you. going to do with it? What are your. plans? I'm going to the opera tonight.

downtown and I'm going to make sure that. there's a penis head on. That's a cute. little dick. I thought it was a vape pen. Yeah. I I. didn't know what to expect. I didn't. expect this. I thought it was a dick. pen. What am I? No, this is uh Oh, that's cute. Yeah. Not since Johnson. biographer. Robert Carroll have I been given a dick. pen by a guest. This is nice. You can. use it for drunken frat parties when you. don't want to leave like permanent. Sharpie on somebody's face. You know, it's nice. It's considerate. You don't.

want to draw. And also the time it goes. into here. You You play with it. Thank. you. You too. And drunken frat parties. Let me just ask. No, seriously. Isn't. that nice? A guest uh Danny McBride. brought a gift and it is the kind of. gift that a lot of his characters would. probably have in their pocket. Yeah. Sorry, this just recalled and you can. cut this part, but I just remember not. too long ago, Jamie Fox got into a fight. because I guess he was at a dinner. somewhere publicly and somebody from. upstairs was shining one of these pins. You can Why would you edit that out? Cuz. I don't I don't know if we want to put.

that business out there, but what are. you talking about? I just Someone was. shining a like Well, cuz it is like a. laser pointer. The headline is and this. is from TMZ. It's a Jamie Fox laser. penis pointer sparked dinner altercation. beef with jackass crew. So Jamie Fox is. somewhere and the jackass crew is above. him right at a separate area of the bar. restaurant. Still at it and they're. shining uh a a penis light so that a.

penis shows up on Jamie Fox. He becomes. enraged. Mr. Chows in Beverly Hills. Oh, that's a Wow. You know that's a fancy. restaurant. And if I go to Mr. Chows in. Beverly Hills, which I don't. I'm not. allowed in because of my own dicklight. incident several years ago. No, but if I. went there and someone was doing that to. me, I mean, that's the last place I. would think that would happen. Anyway, uh it's a laser pointer, though. It's. not really a flashlight. It's a No, no, it's a laser pointer, but when uh when. deployed, uh it makes uh this uh I guess.

very cartoonish looking uh male. genitalia. Yeah. And then you can shine. it on people. All that to say, be. careful or else you're going to get your. ass beat. What do you mean? What's that? What do you say? All that to say, just. be careful where you point that because. what happens if is that considered an. insult to some people? It depends. It. depends. It could also be an invitation. You're like, "Hey, see you from across. the room. Click clack." You know, like. or it's like you're going to be shot. with a dick sniper gun. You know what I. mean? Right. There's a sniper who's. who's going to fire a dildo at you.

Yeah. From like a skyscraper, but it's. going to be like Yeah. Exactly. It's the. aiming mechanism for a dildo. A dildo. gun. Dildo. Okay, sure. Uh, anyway, it's. a gift. Uh, guests don't often bring a. gift and I uh I appreciate this. We. could count on one hand. Jimmy Kimmel. brought barbecue, right? Randall Park. brought like cheap liquor store whiskey. Wait a minute. No, I thought that was that. cool it also. Hey, he also that was part.

of its charm. He went to the liquor. store and got like snacks and cheap. present judging him. Maybe present it a. little better the next time. He also. brought a drawing he did of me in a nice. little frame. Yeah. Which is one of the. worst drawings of me I've ever seen. Terrible. Beasty Boys brought fruit. tarts. I didn't know that. Billy Eyish and. Phineas sent a bunch of milks. afterwards. That's right. Different. kinds of milks. Every kind of milk. Every kind of milk. Kayie Quoko sent us. little equestrian mugs with candies in. them. And she sent it to the two of us. It's like, why didn't I get a dick laser.

pointer? Yeah. Well, I think it's uh. probably you not PC for you get a dick. You get a vagina one. Yeah. Oh, those. are Yeah, those are and those are harder. to find. cuz they're hotter tickets. Nobody wants. that. Nobody wants that. So, um Oh, no. And Arnold Schwarzenegger, he brought. remember he gave me uh 65 acres of land. in Austria. What? Yeah. What? Yeah. This. is for you.

It's some land in Austria. I hope you. enjoy it. Remember that. It's And I've. seen it. It's beautiful. 65 acres up in. the the the Alps. It's incredible. Yeah. It's amazing. Lucky. Yeah. Well, it's I. mean, but you know what I say that uh. Danny McBride dick lighter 50/50. Yeah. Oh, Chris Martin gave you a a little and. honey. And honey as well. Yes. Uh for. for Liza that Dakota uh that was for for. Liza. That's right, honey. That's right.

He gave me a like it's almost mandolin. sized tiny little guitar and he wrote he. wrote on it and I play that at home. It's really nice. It's got a nice bright. tone. That's right. And um you weren't. there for that. No, no. That's the one. that I where I went to Chris Martin. Lovely fellow by the way. I bet he is. We wouldn't know. Wouldn't know. No, no. idea. We didn't get anything. Yeah, that's kind of the way it should be. He. also bought us lunch. Oh, you. Yeah. Was it just a big pot of honey? No, they're delicious sandwiches and.

cookies. And we all ate there in the. sunshine. And he gave us pins. He all. gave us little love pins. Oh, that's. true. He really gave us a lot of cool. stuff. Yeah. And then he gave us robes. to wear. Yeah. He gives us those. amazing. And then he told us that Yeah. We had to live in a certain compound for. a while. It was amazing. Chris Martin. compound. Julia Lou Drifus. Devild eggs. No, I just made that up. Now I'm making. them up. That's a funny makeup. I like. those. Make some up. Um Michelle. Michelle Obama gave me scrimshaw.

She gave me scrimshaw that she had made. of a threemasted schooner on a whales. tooth, which is pretty cool. Okay, so. that was fun. It was a really nice one. to have. We've stopped talking in hopes. that you'll move it along. Yeah. I'm. just going to pretend I'm looking for. something. I'm just Yeah, I might need a. tissue. Yeah. Alpuccino gave me a grill. for my teeth. It says Thug Life on it. Remember that? And then he took me to. the dentist and the dentist put it on.

He went with you to the dentist. That's. so nice. He's like, "We got to go to the dentist.". What is this impression? Uh, that was. him. He was melting. He was I didn't. realize he was made of ice cream.