Conan Wants A New Species Of Quoll Named After Him - "Conan O'Brien Needs A Fan"

Picture this, you have a fan who is a biologist, but, like, an explorer, and they've gone into the Amazon, or into the jungle in Australia, or somewhere in the world, and they found a new species. What would you want that species to be? And they're your fans, so they want to name it after you. So what is that animal? It could be a plant, it could be a mineral if you really want, but what would it be named, and what would it be? Don't make it a plant or a mineral. No, no, no. It's not gonna be a plant or a mineral. I despise plants and minerals. Oh. I won't eat a salad,

and I think rocks are a huge waste of time. (lightly laughing). And should be crushed into the smallest size possible. What? [Conan] I do. I've always been-. What beef do you have? I've been anti-rock my whole life. What do they do? They're just there, and everyone's like, oh, look, it's a rock. So, no. What an important position. Yeah. Well, sorry. I like to stake out controversial positions, and I'm not afraid. I get some online hate for my anti-rock views, but I'll stick by them. Brenna, first of all, I love who said picture this, imagine there's a fan, and then you described yourself,

to a tee. You really did. A woman whose dad designs a dog toy, let's call it a Glong, and let's just imagine, if you will, that she studied reptiles, and is maybe going to study reptiles again, and go to, say, Australia. The only place you've been. So you're not fooling anyone, Brenna. It's clear that that was your way of telling me. you're a huge fan. And, you know, you just were too embarrassed to say it. Yeah, you got me.

Yeah, got you. What would I want? I would want, I have to say when I was over in Australia, I loved those animals that just sort of hang around, you know, like your sloths, or your, what's the one? The koalas. The koalas. I like a real chill animal. Mhm. [Sona] Huh. But I think that most people. wouldn't associate that with me. No. So it's probably going to have to be. some kind of a Lemur.

A lemur, with darting, Steve Buscemi eyes. [Sona] Yeah. And it's like me, it's hyped up, it thinks way too much. It's, it's on something, and it's hyper, it doesn't live as long as other mammals, but it's super jittery, and it's got a lot of ideas, and it talks too much. Yeah. That would be the animal that I would want. Am I describing an animal that actually exists? [Sona] Yeah. Based off of what you're saying, and, like, short-lived, kind of just like goes for it, and is also kind of orange.

(cheerful laughter). I never said orange. Brenna, I never said orange. I never said orange, and you really hit the short-lived thing. Let's not hit that too hard. You said so many things, and short-lived is what she went off of. Well, that's because I had in my mind, I was thinking of a quoll, which is an Australian mammal, [Conan] Yes. that only lives for about a year. Okay, well, yeah, but what a year. I know. I mean, it's only alive for a year, but the female quolls know it's only around for a year. So they, he's got like a bad boy reputation,

he's like a James Dean, they know. And so he gets a lot of action. He hits it, and quits it. Pretty much. Yeah, right. So that's a quoll? Yeah, it's really cool. You should look it up, and see what it looks like sometime. Yeah, Sona, do that for me, I don't look things up. Quoll? Quoll. How do you spell that? Q U O L L. Q U O L L. That's what I want. I wanna be a species of quoll. Oh my God. Let me see it. Oh God. [Conan] Let me check it out. Let me take a look at this quoll here. It's not cute.

It is cute. You know what, I wanna say, it is an exotic rat. [Brenna] It's not a rat. [Conan] It's a rat. [Brenna] It's not a rat. [Conan] It looks like a- It's a marsupial. I'm telling you what it looks like. Oh, does that mean it has a pouch if it's a marsupial? Yes. Okay. Hmm, look at me. Oh, you got a pouch. Um, yeah. So it's, it looks like a rat. that's traveled a lot in Europe, has family money, and has a fanny pack, i.e. pouch. That's what the quoll looks like, and you know what? We have to name a quoll after me, Conan O'Brien.

That's what I want. I want, I want the quoll. Why does it only live for a year? Does it ride a motorcycle? What does it, what, what's the problem with the quoll. You know, I was talking to my professor about this, and I had these same questions, and I'm not entirely sure if I got the answer, or if I just don't remember. (cheerful laughter). I love your honesty. My professor told me. He either, I dunno, I don't think I was listening. But we were on a camping trip, and he studies spotted quolls in Australia, and it's like one of the shortest lifespans of any mammal.

So I think they just, you know, they get what they need done quickly. Yes! Oh, see. [Conan] You have to be efficient. Yeah. If I was a quoll, and people would, were saying to me, "Hey, Conan, do you mind, I want to-". "Hey, hey, hey. I got a year. I got a year. No, I'm not. No, I'm not gonna tell you which corkboard, I prefer. That's your decision. I don't have time for this.". Yeah. What would you be, would you, like, be working on your novel? No, you just, you said it yourself, hittin' it and quittin' it all the time. Oh, yeah. Living life to the edge.

I would be traveling constantly. So many drugs. Oh, man, to be a quoll. Yeah. It's only a year, but what a year.