Conan Wants A Brazilian Butt Lift | Conan O’Brien Needs a Fan

Let's cut to the chase, Ahmed, and you're a very impressive person. but you're a plastic surgeon. And this is fascinating. because I think you can see me pretty well. and you've had a good gander at me over the years. Were I to have some plastic surgery, I'm not saying I'm going to, but let's say I was going to have plastic surgery. and you were going to do it for free. (laughter). These are all just "what if's". We're not saying anything. Although I see you nodding. which is kind of an oral agreement.

And keep in mind that this is for free. So you can give him the budget level work. Yeah. Yeah, you can-. [Ahmed] You got it. You can use plastic spoons to do the work. And plastic wrap. Yeah, no, but what did you suggest. or should I leave well enough alone? I've always heard comedians need to use their face. and have a certain elasticity. So I've left this masterpiece alone. But what do you think? You called it a Masterpiece? Well, I'm sorry. I was just borrowing a phrase.

Ahmed was about to use about me. I don't know if he was. Picasso. [Ahmed] That's right. I think he's compiling a list. Yeah. Of things he would do to you. Hieronymus Bosch. (laughter) Tell me Ahmed, what would you do? What would you do? If I came in and I said, help me, doc, help me. Help me with me kisser. (laughter). Let's start with some of your speech first. Maybe. Yeah. Why am I talking like a 1930s guy from Brooklyn? Hey there, Doc, help me with my kisser.

You gotta help me. You gotta help me fix me melon. (laughter) What would you tell me to do Ahmed? Well, going back to your episode with the Davids statue. that you said you would change to become you. So you are the standard of beauty. Thank you. I don't think there's much to change, because-. God he's good, I love him. [Ahmed] You have become the standard of beauty, right? I'm the cannon of beauty. Yes. Yes. But, you know, in a theoretical world-. [Sona] Yes. I did study some of your later videos, your recent videos. Bleh. [Ahmed] I think, you know-.

Nature has been cruel, time has been cruel to me, Ahmed. (laughter). Time has been cruel. You know, I think a blepharoplasty or a little eyelid, you know, nip/tuck would be good. What does that do? [Ahmed] Some Botox in the forehead. So, you know, what we can do is come in. and get some of the skin above in your upper eyelid. and we can trim some of that so it's not, you know-. Skin in the upper eyelid. Are you noticing, maybe everyone's, yeah, get in there close. Is everyone starting to notice.

and doesn't have the guts to tell me? Gourley? Sona? When I come in, do you see tons of folded skin on my upper eyelids? No, but if that's how you're going to end up looking. after this procedure, I would say maybe don't. Oh, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, here's my concern-. I want to stay employed. And what about, you said Botox in the forehead area? Yeah. That would treat those (indistinct) or wrinkles. Those lines in the forehead. Basically it paralyzes the muscle that we have. in the forehead. [Sona] You can't do that!

But you see that's the problem. Here's the problem we're getting into, Ahmed. I mean, let's be honest, as a comedian no one ever hired me. to be the best looking guy in the room. or the youngest looking guy in the room. They hired me for my ability to make them laugh. and I've always thought, well, if I start getting work done, isn't that going to freeze. this very expressive visage that I have? It's your moneymaker. It's your bread and butter and it's it looks good.

[Sona] Wait, Ahmed, can you- I got another money maker, I'll tell you about that. (laughter). Can you do something about the eye vein? Oh, oh, oh! Thank you, Sona. I have a very prominent eye vein. And the main vein? I know that. Okay. Let's settle down there. [Matt] Sorry. You always go to the cock lately. and I don't know what's going on. [Sona] Oh is that the cock? I thought he was thinking about killing you. You thought about the cock! What are you doing? It's all I think about. All I think about is the cock. You dirty rascal! When girlies around that's where my mind goes. I don't know why. but no, listen.

Ahmed. I have a prominent blue vein that runs. under my right eye. And because my skin is, to use a certain medical term, completely translucent. (laughter). I'm like the statue of the visible woman. You can see this vein all the time. and I was thinking, you know, in the past I thought, what if I got it removed. but it turns out it's feeding blood to my cerebral cortex.

(laughter). So I've not meddled with it. What would you do about that eye vein? Well I feel like that eye vein might be the area. that controls making fun of Sona. Yes. Oh, then we've got to get it out. Yeah you're right.`. We've got to get it out. That's my money maker. That's my money maker right there. (laughter). [Sona] Just kidding. So other than I'm not going to get Botox, Ahmed, because I fear it from my profession. [Ahmed] Yeah. My plan is to just let this face melt.

in front of America slowly. and sort of as an education to everybody. that this is what happens. I like that. To a corpse when it's left in the sun. How about lip injections? What? Oh yeah, yeah. Give him in the ass injections. Oh, you know what I want to get? I want to look like Lisa Rinna. (laughter). I want to look exactly. I want to look like Lisa Rinna. I want to get those crazy lips. (laughter). Wouldn't that be fantastic. if I had those giant crazy, what would you do?

Because I don't have much lip right now. My mouth is more a like a-. [Ahmed] We could do fillers. Fuck fillers, let's get Lisa Rinna to do a transplant. like you would a kidney. She gives you her lips. Yeah. I want Lisa Rinna and I on side by side operating tables. (laughter). And I want her to say just before she goes under, I do this for Conan. And then when she wakes up, her lips are gone and I have Lisa Rena's lips. And then I'm one of the Desperate Housewives.

[Ahmed] Yeah. Somehow I think I would lose my license on that. That's another thing I have no ass to speak of. (laughter) I keep coming up with more. No, literally, Sona just keeps, look. She has a list like Santa's list. [Matt] Yeah. It just goes and goes and goes. I have no butt and it's a curse. It's in my family. None of the men have any butt. So our pants just are always falling off. (laughter). And it's a straight drop.

from my shoulder right down to my heel. There's nothing there to interrupt the drop. A little tiny man could jump off my shoulder. and he would fall straight down to commit suicide. And he would hit right near my foot. Carpenters plum. Yeah. Oh no, I've done it. I had carpenters come in once. and they hung a carpenter's plum and it went straight down. It doesn't sound like those were carpenters, by the way, but sure. No, they weren't carpenters and you know what? They gave me a massage and then they filmed it.

(laughter). And now it's on Dutch television. I think you hired the wrong people. Anyway, Ahmed, here's my question. What could we do to fill that out? Because not only do I not have a butt but, I've described this before, it actually goes in a little bit. It's a little bit of a divot. and I keep knickknacks in there. It's just a little, it's like a shelf. You have a little concave? It's concave. It goes the other way. So is there something or do I have to go to Brazil for that? Where do you go to get your butt enhanced? Can you do that?

Is is called a Brazilian butt lift. Really? So what a Brazilian butt lift. Yeah. That's what it's called. And what that does is you take fat by liposuction. from other areas of the body. and you can inject that into the buttocks. in the superficial areas that are right underneath the skin. You have to be very careful because if done incorrectly. it can be very dangerous. It can lead to bad complications. Okay. Well, I've got the best in you Ahmed. And you're going to be my, I don't know if you're going to do this. Hey Ahmed, could you take Lisa Rinna's lips.

and put them on my ass? Yes and can you do this remotely where Sona. and I will do the procedure but you talk us through it. Yeah. Yeah. We'll do it over Zoom. This is actually something that I've been fantasizing. about is-. Lisa Rinna? Wait, Lisa Rinna's lips on my ass? You heard it here. What's your problem, Ahmed? You're waking up, honey, honey, what is it? That dream where Lisa Rinna's lips are on Conan's ass. (laughter).

Wake up, Ahmed. Wake up, snap out of it. (laughter).