Conan Used To Make Up Characters On The Basketball Court | Conan O'Brien Needs A Fan

Lucas, is there any way that I can help. you? I like to help people and you seem. like a nice guy and I'd like to help you. in any way I can. Yeah, sure. So, we were on the topic of. basketball and you were saying like. those um interesting phrases with like. driving to the hole and that kind of. stuff. Um, so I'm in a team with a lot of. introverts and uh I think. and I'm also kind of introverted but but. when I'm on the court I can get more. vocal. But um I think you could help me.

and maybe my team through me um be more. of a trash talking team. Oh yeah. Oh, you're you came to the. right guy. Yeah. I'll tell you a true story, Lucas. Uh I. used to play uh a lot of basketball with. just kids in the neighborhood. There was. a school across the street. There was a. hoop there. And so my brother and his. friends would get together and a bunch. of us would play and my sister Kate. would come over and play. She's a good. athlete. And um we would have these.

games, these just pickup games in the. neighborhood. And I spent all my time. describing who my character was. I would. stop the game and describe who my. character was, how how he had done time. in prison for murdering a fan in the. stands. but got off on a technicality. I. would go on and on and on. Then I would. talk constantly when they would pass me. the ball. I would start talking as my.

character go and it was so I mean. occasionally people would be laughing. but a lot of times they were just. annoyed and frustrated. and so all I did was talk. So yes, you. came to the right place. I swear I could. teach you guys to trash talk. I would be. so good at it. That would be great. Did that trash talk. open up anything like in the game for. you? Um, no. It in no way helped my game. It. in no way helped my game. Uh, because. there were long periods of time where. I'm holding the ball,

not moving, and not trying to score or. pass, but just monologuing. as my as my character, Nikki Fist. Nikki. Fist was actually one of them. Nikki, his name was Nikki Fist. P H I SS. Oh god. And he had done time in prison for. attacking a an old woman in the stands. and and she had died and he had gone to. prison for manslaughter but then got out. on a technicality. That is a real story.

And I remember my brother Luke holding. his head in his hands saying, "Can you. just pass the ball?" And I would be the. announcer. This is Nikki's first time. since being let out of prison. on a. technicality. May I remind you? Nikki Fist murdered a 72-year-old fan. in the stands. We have tape of it now. We'll go to it now. And they they were. just begging me to play. So, um I will. make your team more vocal. I will team. make your team uh great trash talkers.

Will you be better at basketball? No. Will you be worse? Yes. This will not help your game. Okay, that sounds like a good deal. Physically, is there any way I I can. help you physically like to train or. anything like that? I'm a very I'm a. very physical man. I am 6'4. Uh and uh I. have a very impressive physicality in. person. I know it doesn't come across on. screen. Shut up. Everyone who's here, just shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. In person, I have a.

very a physical aura. How can I help you. in that area? Well, um maybe. I mean, um, I've this. this is not a good way to start this. story, but I've completely given up on. gaining weight, even though I think I. still should gain some weight just to. like throw people around a bit more on a. skinny right now. I'm I don't I don't say I'm super. skinny, but yeah, I'm on the the I'm. more on the leaner side. How much do you weigh? And if you use.

kilos, I'm going to lose it. I want pounds. because we are the dominant empire right. now. How much do you weigh? I don't know how to convert this. Well, we can convert it. How many kilos? Uh I think I'm about 85 kilos from now. or something. Okay. 187 lbs. 187 lbs. Okay. 63. You know what? We're. not far off cuz I'm 64 about 191.

something like that. 192 somewhere in. that neighborhood. Uh, of course mostly. muscle that weighs more. Oh god. Uh, I do this when I'm lying. Uh, I never did anything wrong. Uh, I have. no lust in my heart. Oh my god. Okay, quiet. Man can look, can he? Anyway, you want. to you want to bulk up, right? You don't. want to just put on weight. Cuz if you. want to just put on weight, I would say. drink liquid ice cream. Literally, I've.

heard actors say that you just buy ice. cream, you leave it out so it becomes a. liquid, and you just ingest as much of. it as you can. But that's how actors put. on flab. But you want to put on muscle, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I. I used to like before like like I told I. had an intermission between the. basketball season, so I didn't play for. two years and I went to the gym more. often and I gained more Yeah. uh weight and more muscle, but once I. started playing again, I. basically didn't go anymore. And how does Zoe feel about this? Is Zoe.

content with Lucas right now? Lucas who. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she is. She's not complaining, right? No, she's not saying you're not man enough. I want more muscle mass. No, not that. I'm aware of. No. Well, she's been. calling us. We had some calls from Zoe. Can you talk to him? Can you set it up? Um, okay. Uh I I would say if you want. to put on weight quickly and I would. this is my advice for not just you but.

anyone in Amsterdam in fact anyone in. Europe I would say move to America. live here for 6 months. and you will put on a ton of weight just. and you won't even know what happened. But that seems to be that's just the. American way. It's our garbage food. Yeah. Just live just live here and you. will gain weight. So I that's what I would say is move. here. Now, it's not going to be muscle. It's not going to be lean muscle mass, but you will put on You'll go back to. Amsterdam. You will weigh 240 pounds.

and you'll have had three knee. replacements and you'll only still be. only 26 years old. How many kilos? 108 kilos. 108 kilos. You weigh 108 kilos. Yeah. What kind of. car do do you have a car or do you drive. around on a bicycle? I got a bicycle. I knew it. Do you ever go la when you're. on your bicycle? That's all we do. Because when I was in. Amsterdam, true story, I was standing on. a bridge and two beautiful girls, literally two of the most beautiful.

girls I've ever seen that were wearing. plaid skirts drove by together on one. bicycle, not a bicycle built for two, one girl and another girl, like you. know, and these women were I want to say. they were like 19, 20. They were one was. sitting on the on in front of the other. like straddling the front of the bike. and the other was behind and they rode. by and they rang the bell and they were. going la. and I thought this is Amsterdam. la. we live in Amsterdam ding ding.

If you do that for two seconds in LA. you'll be beaten with a pipe. Imagine if I got on the 405 freeway. Ding ding ding la.