Conan Talks To An American In Scotland | Conan O’Brien Needs a Fan

Where are you right now? I am in a small village. called South Queensferry in Scotland, just about 10 miles West of Edinburgh. Wait, so when did you move to Scotland? The story is that, okay, about eight, nine years ago, I had, I was running a half marathon on the Isle of Skye, and it was beautiful, and you know, and then I have these things called oatcakes, which are like the rustic oat based version. of a communion waver, wafer,

and I really liked the weather. And so five years passed, I mean, forward after that, I was having a really bad day at work. and my boss was gaslighting me. and I just kind of stared out the window. and then I went back to my desk. and I booked a one way ticket three and a half years ago. Best decision I ever made. Okay. Wow. Listen, there's some things I need to clear up with this story. So you were in Scotland, you went on a marathon. Okay? You realize, okay. Yeah, I don't wanna lie about that.

Yeah, no, no. People wouldn't know. Good way, good place to interrupt, but so. (Sona laughing). So you run a half marathon in Scotland. You realize it's really pretty here. Then you eat an oatcake. (Matt laughing). You went to great lengths to describe it. as basically 55 communion wafers stuck together. You, you wash that down. I don't know what that had to do with the story, but I'm guessing you liked the taste of the oatcake. Then you go. It's amazing 'twas very Scottish. Okay, then you go, then you go back home to the United States.

You're having a bad day at work. And suddenly you start to think, I don't need this shit. I can go someplace where I can eat communion wafers all day. (Sona and Matt laughing). Yes. I'm outta here. And so then you moved to Scotland and you're living in, what is this town like? Is it a big town? Is it a small town? No, I don't know the population. It's a very small town. It's picturesque and beautiful. It has a very long and sordid history of burning witches.

And a friend of mine actually lives in a house. where they burned the last witches in South Queensferry. It's a very interesting story. Why did they just? Feel like I should check, are you a witch? (Sona laughing). I wish! There actually, yeah. I mean, cause then I would like cast spells, and have more interesting things happening. It's for your safety, I just want, yeah. You know, I'm curious about something, which is, you said you have a friend who lives in a house. where they burned the last witch.

They were burning the witches inside the house? Well, no. Which just seems like a bad practice. unless you're using the witch for warmth, you know, throw another one, throw another witch on the fire, it's getting cold in here. (Sona laughing). I mean, if they had been seasoned over the summer, it would have worked, right? So she lives in this three-story house. that's called the black castle. It's not a castle, it's a three story house. It's painted pitch-black. amongst these beautiful idyllic little, you know, pastel colored houses. It's like a 400 year old house. So the owner and his brother had this Reverend in the town.

that really wanted to live in the black castle. for it's called the black castle. And so he basically maneuvered. and had three members of the owner's family. convicted as witches. And so. Ooh what! I, oh, it gets worse. Oh, I, listen, people do this in New York all the time. to get that really good apartment, we've all done it. We've all said, wow, that apartment faces the park.

That's fantastic. And an older couple lives there, and I've many times gone to the super and said, "I accuse them of witchcraft.". (Matt laughing). There you go. And then two short fires later, I'm looking at the park. So. If to burn a witch, the relative of the witch has to pay for the firewood. and it was so expensive back then. Yep. it's only fair. That that is what bankrupted the family. and let this evil Reverend buy their house. because of all of this, they called it the black castle.

So Mimi, first of all, you're a pistol. I'm just gonna say it. You are a pistol. Yeah, you really are. You are a delightful spice in our day. And I thank you for that, you.