Conan Sums Up The Civil War In 3 Minutes | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

You know, recently we did a segment. about a new voicemail number and uh. people could call in and leave a. voicemail and maybe we could answer the. questions and it worked. We've got some. voicemails. Oh, good. New voicemails. I. love to hear the Vox. popular voice of the people. Yes, I I. know. Sorry. So, I know you're new here. Um very excited to hear what they have. to say. Hit it, Eduardo. Hey, Conan. Uh, I am a high school US history teacher. and I have to teach high school juniors. um about Abraham Lincoln sometime around.

November, December. So, I was uh, you. know, I know you're a big Lincoln and. Civil War buff. And so, I thought, you. know, surely you can make a great. connection to the Tik Tok generation or. whatever they call themselves and help. me find a way to just really hammer home. the historical importance of the Civil. War. for Abraham Lincoln. So, if you. could help me out, that'd be great. And. also, that truly was the worst outgoing. voicemail message of all time. I loved.

it. Thanks. Is it me? It's all of us. Oh, I don't remember what the outgoing. voicemail message was, but my apologies. Kind of coaching Sona on how to do it. Yeah, there you go. Well, um, this is a. huge responsibility. You You're up to. it. No, no. to explain the significance. of of President Abraham Lincoln and to. explain the Civil War to these students. uh in what and how what length of time. I'll give you three minutes. Oh, that's. insane. Look, kids, you know, u put down.

your iPhones. Oh, you lost them already. You did. You lost them already. Just. photoshop his head onto a a dancing Tik. Tok person. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Yeah. Photoshop uh whatever you just. said. Um now what's help me Sona? How. would I communicate with the Tik Tok. generation? I'm beyond this generation. I don't know. I have no idea. I think. here. No, we don't get D. We don't get. anyone else in here. I think that. there's you have a really good way of. connecting with people, right? But and.

it's something you like, right? Uh Civil. War. Uh crazy crazy carnage. I mean, aren't kids into that? Mh. I mean, just. insane. You know how many people die in. if you added up all the John Wick. movies? Yes. Multiply that by like. 100,000. Yeah. Imagine just uh uh just there's a. whole bunch of John Wicks in the south. and there's a whole bunch of John Wicks. in the north and they just go towards.

each other. The ones in the north are. wearing blue suits and the ones uh in. the south are wearing gray suits and. they just go at it and they're headed. towards each other. And uh the White. House is like the the Continental, the. hotel that's run by Winston, who uh. who's uh so Abraham Lincoln was a. British guy played by Ian McShane. And. uh yeah, and he's the one that's sort of. watching in the background and really. not doing anything. Just sort of. sipping. Oh, you said Abraham Lincoln's. not doing anything. He's not. He's just.

sitting around watching the these. armies, these massive armies of John. Wixs fight each other and going, "And so. it begins.". Ah, yes. And now it has begun and just. keeps and and seems pretty ineffectual. and doesn't really do much at all. Uh, unfortunately that's Lincoln except he. did do stuff. Wrote amazing speeches. Gettysburg address. No, they're boring. You're losing them. Okay. Okay. Civil. War was started by the killing of a dog. What happens is the South killed our. dog. Yes. And um then the South called.

its dad and said, "Don't worry, it's. just some I just killed his. dog." And he went, "What? you killed the. North's dog. And then uh the all the. John Wicks from the North came after the. John Wicks from the South. And look, I'm. going to get a lot of mail from people. in the South saying, "No, they killed. our dog." It's like, "No, no, no. I just. had I'm from Boston, so you.". Anyway, all these John Wicks are. fighting each other. And it's absolutely. insane. And it goes on for four years. And you name it. Antidum, Cold Harbor,

uh you're losing them. You're losing. them. Oh. Oh. Oh. They're fighting just. steps in Japan. They're fighting uh you. know uh oh around the Arctic triumph and. when there's no door on the car and Sean. Wick's leaning out and he's firing. It's. so cool. Uh that Lawrence. Fishburn's there. Yeah. And Lawrence. Fishburn's there. That's a little bull. run. And uh and the car. Yeah. And then. wow. Oh man. And then every now and then. Abraham Lincoln thinks about his wife. who passed away a long time ago and he's.

really sad and he thinks about that and. that's Mary Todd Lincoln. Although she. would she didn't pass away in real life. She she lived and she was crazy. Batshit. crazy and uh spent a lot of money and. really lost it all the time. Yeah. She's. so hot. Yeah. So hot. Yeah. But anyway, that's what happened. It's just. incredible. You got to you got to check. this out. A John Wick that lasts four. years. Yeah. Check it out,