Conan, Sona, & Gourley React To Wedding Speech Horror Stories | Conan O'Brien Needs A Fan

Brian, uh very nice to meet you. I'm. told that you are a wedding vow writer. Is that correct? >> Yes. Yes, sir. >> and you don't just write wedding vows, you write any speech that would uh be a. part of a wedding ceremony. Is that. correct? >> Speeches, uh the wedding ceremony. itself, if you have a friend or family. member doing it, uh all the written. parts of the wedding that have been. largely uh neglected from professional. guidance. >> I mean, first of all, this sounds like a. uh job that's much in demand, but.

second, how did you create this gig? Where did the idea come from? >> Well, it's actually got a. uh I got a connection to you, uh. slightly uh adjacent. A guy named Doc. Sweitzer, a friend of mine, a very close. friend of mine, recommended uh. or introduced me to John Max, the. writer, uh the TV writer. And uh Max uh. and I interviewed him during a. uh during COVID. I, like many people, started a COVID podcast where I I just.

started interviewing friends that had. done something in their lives, and he. started talking about uh his role as a. ghostwriter, and I had officiated a few. weddings, and uh helped friends and. family write speeches, cuz before this, I was in politics. I wrote I was a. political consultant in. >> Sure. So, you had written speeches. before. >> Correct. Correct. And so, I got the I I. was looking to get out of politics, cuz. politics sucks, uh and. badly. >> That's. >> And it was. >> I'm That's what I hear, yeah.

>> Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was It was. soul-crushing, and I just, you know, I. felt a part of the problem, so I wanted. to get out of it. And so, uh I had this. idea, and I started looking around, and. there were people that wrote speeches, but there was nobody that was making a. real business out of it. A couple people. that had that had uh been doing it at at. some level or another, but uh but I went. on There was an app called Clubhouse at. the time where all of the wedding people. were congregating, cuz they had nothing. to do during COVID, and I I went in. there, and it's it's like an audio. conference room where you raise your. hand. I rose I I raised my hand and I.

said, "Hey, what do you guys think about. this?" And and they loved it and I made. a site that day and I put some stock. photography up and put an ad out and it. got a client the next day and I was. like, "Okay, this is there's something. here." So, we explored that. My wife and. I were in politics together and now. we're we're in this together. We went to. a conference and and started talking to. people and and my my wife Nicole was. like, you know, you've had a lot of. cockamamie ideas before, but this isn't. one of them. And that's all.

We figured it out. Yeah. >> the sweetest to you. >> Yeah. >> you're a real idiot, but. I think you accidentally hit something. >> I'm more about quantity, you know. >> All right. Well, Brian, I think about. speeches a lot. I watch other people's. speeches. Um I I take them really seriously. Let's discuss our dos and don'ts. My. first thing I would say is and I would. just want to know if you agree that. the biggest mistake people make is they.

go on too long. >> Oh, absolutely. I mean, what do you think the longest speech. So, I talked to wedding planners and I. ask them this question. Like, what's the. worst story you have? What's the longest. speech or whatever it is. The record is 50 minutes. >> OH. >> 5 0. >> 5 0 for which speech? For like who who. at the wedding is. >> a father of a this would be a father of. the bride's speech. Like, all of the. long ones are father of the. bride. >> I mean, it really depends on what it is, but I I I think that if you're if you're.

saying some words. at a at a wedding, I'm guessing it I. mean, you should really be thinking. about 3 minutes or 4 tops. >> 4 minutes. 3 to 4 minutes is plenty to. do justice. You know, I mean, you're. there you're there to give a gift, right? You're there to honor the couple, both sides, right? Not just one of them. Not just the person you know. You're. there no matter what you feel, you're. there to to make people happy. And and. and including them. And if you're going. even fight Look, you're you're in you're. in comedy. I'm a huge fan of comedy.

5 minutes is hard. Like five doing a. straight 5 minutes where you're funny, unless you're trained, it's hard. And I. I think people try to do five all day. long without being funny or without. having any instincts at all. And uh and. it just starts to drone. And so uh. 20 minutes is wedding disrupting and 40. minutes is like a wedding killer. I. mean, that's what kind of what people. are going to talk about. >> So when people reach out to you.

>> a crime and everyone should be arrested. >> Yeah. >> And and here's another thing, too, is. I think when um. people underestimate the value of. sincerity. That if you're talking at It's a very. important occasion and this is the. biggest day of these people's lives and. you're. if you want to be funny, great, but also. remember that that's a big thing that's. happening. And people sometimes don't. realize you can just be nice and you can. try and talk about the emotional uh.

power of the event without just trying. to kill. Does that make sense? >> Yeah, it. It does. I mean, sincerity as long as it. works towards the mission, right? I. mean, I've had clients where they don't. like. like they don't like the person they're. talking about. >> I see. Yeah. >> their best friend. and they don't like who they're marrying. or you know, I had one one extreme case. where a client who was marrying his. third wife, the kids uh.

did not particularly like the third wife. and we had to work around You know, it's. like, "Hey, what You have You must have. something to nice to say about them.". And they're like, "Well, they're good at. getting their nails done.". >> Oh. >> And you know, it was stuff like that. And so you have to work your way around. that and make it fun for the the at the. same time. So yeah, sincerity, but not. But this is not confessional, right? This is a time to to have. uh to to talk about the good parts and. to make, you know, to make it. entertaining but also. uh make them happy. And And so, yeah, no, sincerity is thing is fun uh or.

sorry, sincerity is important but it has. to be fun and it can't be something. that's all. >> I What I see a lot, too, is people at. weddings, if they're giving a a toast, you know, a. best man speech or, you know, a. bridesmaid speech, they think they really have to roast the. person and you just have to know what. you're doing if you're going to roast. the person because that can go horribly. wrong. And you've probably seen it go. horribly wrong.

>> Well, I haven't seen it go hor- horribly. wrong. >> heard? What's a horror story you've. heard of? >> The worst horror stories I've heard of. uh involve people disclosing things like. uh. past relationships, uh. cocaine use, um. uh. getting up there and Well, the worst the. hands down the worst was the. conveyed to me by a luxury wedding. photographer and she talked about how at. one wedding, a very expensive wedding, the father of the groom thought it was.

the right time to disclose that he and. the he and the groom went to a brothel. in South America. >> No. >> And yes. >> Well, it is a bonding experience. And. that's where he met his bride. >> Yeah, especially when you share the. prostitute, according to the to the. story. Wedding over. Wedding over, right? Everybody yelling. and crying. Yeah. >> That's your question? >> Yeah, I'm interested. I'm doing some. research. >> You know what? I've read about the. etiquette of this. It's fascinating.

I really didn't and I've got nowhere to. go on this. >> This is extreme Look, this is an extreme. story, but and most of the stories that. >> imagine being at a wedding where they. where With groom's father says, "And. then my son and I shared a prostitute.". >> Yeah. >> But I I love those moments. I prefer. train wreck moments and moments where. you cringe over a smooth wedding. >> I like it way more. If. >> I would rather have bad at your wedding. >> Bad is more interesting than mediocre, right? But But But not at a wedding, you.

know? And And so it was Yeah, I mean. most of the stories that are bad I I. have one where like the groom's best man. uh had everybody get ready and uh with. their keys. And at some point in the in. the speech he goes. uh jingle your keys if you've slept with. the bride, right? And so all the you. know, all the groomsmen like sorry like. stuff like that, but it's like. >> Crowd went like key jingling crazy. >> But even with vows, there's a there's a viral one about you.

know, where the where the. bride talks about how much she loves her. husband and then the then the groom gets. up and he goes, "I just want to smack. that booty.". >> Oh, come on. That's all he says. And. >> Wait, is that a bad thing or I mean. >> Well, if she's pouring her heart out to. him. >> Yeah, and then he responds with I just. want to smack that booty. >> Yeah, he wants to smack that booty. >> Yeah, but that's not okay. >> sincere. >> That's a vow. >> What I mean, how was her booty? >> And they were a very traditional couple. He was waiting to the wedding night to. smack that booty.

>> Oh god. >> You just want them balanced. You want. You want both of them to say that, right? If one's saying love and the. other one's saying booty, this is an. imbalance we've got to solve. >> Yes. Yes. >> That's That's why you need somebody to. look over it, you know? >> Yes. Yeah. >> That's why we started Vows and Speeches. We're doing this thing, you know? But we. It's all interview based. We do like an. hour-long interview to to drive it down. to like 3 to 4 minutes of speeches or 2. to 3 minutes of vows. >> So So what you're doing is you're. meeting with them, you're finding out. basic information, and then you're.

helping them write it. They're They participate in the process. >> Absolutely. No, I I interview them. I record it, so I try and get their. uh you know, in politics I had to I. couldn't write like myself. I had to. write like the person I was. representing. So, that's what I'm doing. here. I'm ghostwriting. And so, I. interview them. I'm asking questions. like, "Hey, when you guys moved in. together, what what what did you want to. throw out that they wouldn't let you?". You know, like what do they have an odd. collection of? >> His sex robot.

>> Sex robots, yeah. Yeah. >> Why do you want to throw me out? >> I have nowhere to go. >> Please. >> But, that would make a fantastic vow, right? Then now you've got a. personalized vow. >> Sometimes she'll leave town. You'll. still need me. She goes to the grocery store, doesn't. she? >> You make love robotically. >> Notice who's been cleaning the bathroom. >> It isn't her. >> Um so, you know, so you you pull all. that stuff together. You write about the.

robot. You throw that in. The crowd. loves it. And uh you know, the. especially the robot. >> If my wife and I ever renew our vows, I'm doing 20 minutes on a sex robot. >> She'd be worried if you didn't. >> I know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. >> She'd be the one to hire me. >> Yeah. She I don't know. So, I'd have to. like figure out how to balance this out. >> Do you have them read the speech or do. they memorize it usually? >> I never encourage people to memorize it. It's you could you could sit in your. room all day long trying to memorize. something.

uh like this, but this is the first time. they've read it in front of their. friends and family. They need something. to reference. I want them to get fluent. with it, so they can look up and and and. when you listen to somebody read. something for the first time, there's a. a cadence that I'm sure you've heard. where it's it's almost word by word. When somebody's read it enough times out. loud, they've got some muscle memory, and now they can uh speak sentences. And. that's really where I want them to get. to. But, yeah, we do delivery coaching. as part of it. There's no AI whatsoever. We've except for the transcribing.

process when I interview them. That's. the only time I ever use AI for this. But the writing itself is all me and. them and I'm I'm using as much of their. words and stories as as as possible and. you know, like sometimes we'll write. something that's. that's specific. specifically. new. but it but it's only to accentuate the. stories that they have. >> All right. Well, Brian, I have a pet. peeve. >> Yeah. >> I see. uh. now if I'm at weddings or occasions and.

people give up get up and speak. younger people primarily tend to read. off of their phone. And I just don't. love it. I would rather they have it on. a piece of paper and that makes me. probably sound like an old man. Um but. there's just something. >> I agree. >> that feels very inauthentic. You see the. glowing screen and the minute they take. their phone out and go, I just want to. say a few words. It almost gives the. impression that they used an app. It's. >> just wrote it right before they went up. and spoke. They just wrote.

>> Some of these people have spent tens of. thousands of dollars hiring. photographers and videographers, right? And now you've got a shot that's like. somebody took a like a flashlight and. it's for Halloween, right? Like that. coolish, you know, up up lighting. That's one thing. But then you but but. but all of the photographs will look. like, "Hey, they're looking at their. phone.". >> Yeah. >> Right? They're at the on stage but. they're looking at their phone. It looks. terrible. It's also hard to track. I. mean, it's also something if you're. reading off of it, you'll lose your. place very quickly cuz it's. >> people are going to hold on. Hold on.

Hold on a second. Yeah. >> Yeah, let me scroll for a little while. That's that's great video. So, so it's. very unnatural, you know, and yeah, so. there's basic stuff like that that we. advise them but mainly it's just like. you have people that are just good at. math or they're good at something else. and they're not they're good at science. They're just not the best writers or. they're terrified of doing this. publicly and and also some of it's just. they're just not funny and you need a. little bit of that humor, I mean I and I you know, I've been.

watching. you from the beginning. I I actually was. a big fan of Not Necessarily the News. back in the day when I was I I think two. or three, I'm not sure. And I. you know, I I know how to find like very. mild humor in what they're saying and. just just as an offset to the. sentimentality. You can't have like the. same tone for the same 3 minutes, otherwise it's going to be a very boring. song. >> I just think. uh. we all have that. situation where we see something go.

horribly wrong. But mostly I think the. biggest crime in public speaking is when. someone just keeps going and going and. going and you think it's ending and then. they go, "Oh, and another thing." And. then you just feel disrespected like. time is precious. And when someone's up. there going and going and going, you. just want to throttle them. >> Okay. >> people that have you you stuck people at. a table. >> I want to throttle them. >> You want to get violent. >> Yeah. >> And I feel and that was one of the. motivating factors for starting this. I'm like you. I can't stand it, you. know, and you put us at a table with.

people we're supposed to like, right? We're supposed to be talking and. laughing and whatever. You're asking us. to be quiet for four speeches sometimes. Maybe five if there's like a step. parent. And now and if they don't stick. to the timeline, we're in for like 40. minutes of people talking and not us not. talking. And you know, for people like. me, it's hard. >> Yeah. >> And so uh you have to pay credence to. that and give them give them the give. the audience the respect of of like. yeah, I'm going to keep this short, I'm. going to make it punchy and and and make.

it fun. And and if you just hog the mic, you're you're not doing that. >> I also think people should lie more. >> Oh. >> I think Norm Macdonald discovered the. perfect formula cuz he would come on my. show and these celebrities are always. trying to think of their funny story, you know, and I went and I got the cake. and it fell and that's when Harry Hamlin. said, and you're like, well, uh okay, great. Um. >> don't want hear that story. >> that sounds cool. It's a really good story, but um. But Norm Macdonald would come on the. show and just tell.

old salesman jokes from like the 1920s. that you could probably buy in the Sears. catalog, and it was insane. But he would. commit to them, and I would think, "Yeah, people should just say, you know, I just want to tell a funny story about. the bride." And then it's it's just the. plot uh, to some great uh, comedy movie. from the 1950s. But it it it. >> retold the moth joke like a thousand I. mean, a thousand times. I mean, that. that joke I mean, that. you're telling me he didn't learn that.

from a cabby? I mean, that that. >> Well, he didn't know he was going to You. know what? He wasn't doing that he. wasn't supposed to do that segment. He. was supposed to do one segment, and I on. the fly said, "Let's do a second segment, Norm." And. he was like, "What?". And then I. he just had to make it up. And he just I. mean, I think he had maybe told that. before, but he just went for it, and uh, it's become this. >> Alexander the Great or whatever. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Cuz my son Alexander. >> Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm I'm glad you're. out there. This is going to help people. immensely, and mostly you're helping.

their audience, because I want more and. more people who are giving toasts at a. wedding to get some advice before they. do it. >> Yeah. >> Cuz if I'm going to be sitting there, I. don't want to get violent. >> Like people uh, ask their friends and. family to do the officiants all the. time, and it's it's one of the bigger. trends in in weddings where you don't. hire an officiant, you hire a friend you. ask a friend to do it. But they don't. know how to do it. >> Nope. >> Right? They don't know how to write an. 8-to-10-minute narrative of a love story. and make it beautiful and funny and and. keep it going. They don't have no.

guidance. So, our our whole job here is. just to help people along with through. this process, and and make it fun, and. make it fun for everybody, including the. audience. >> Well, I'm glad you're doing it. It's. been lovely chatting to you, Brian. But I want to make sure this doesn't go. on too long. And I just got out on a big laugh. >> Yeah. Uh but Brian, take care. Thank you so. much. And. >> been a real pleasure. I love you guys. and. love you we drove across country. listening to you. and thank you so.

it's been good. >> I'm a national speech champion. I feel. like I had to mention that at some point. in this. >> And I've I've been married. >> Have you officiated a wedding? >> Uh yes, I have. >> So incredible. >> There you go. I have. >> Oh, I crushed it. >> Uh the couple immediately broke up. Because of my speech. >> How did I do? You said I officiated for. one of your friends. >> Yeah, it was really great. >> I did a great job, of course. >> Okay. >> All right. >> Well, Brian, go forth and continue your.

good works.