Conan Sends A Passive Aggressive Message To His Producer | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Hey there, Conan O'Brien here. Welcome. to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Put a. little pause there. Adam West style to. add a little drama. It was very Welcome. to Conan. O'Brien needs a friend. Um joined by Son. of Obsessian. Hello. And of course Matt. Gorley. And guess what? This is a. different uh little take on things. I. got some gum in my mouth right now. Oh, I hate that guy. I know. People don't. like that. All right, I'm going to take. it out. But anyway, I just thought it. kind of made me look like a guy that. doesn't I don't know. I don't care that.

much about my work. I just do it. I'm. just kind of an artist, you know. You. just you forgot it in there. Yeah, I. forgot it was in there. And chewing gum. implies all of that to you that you. don't care about your work. You're an. artist. Just cuz you eat chewing gum. Um. I don't know. I didn't put much thought. into it and then you asked for an. explanation and the whole thing fell. apart. Uh like wet cardboard. Um the gum. is out of my mouth for those of you. What is it called when you hate the. chomping? Misophonia. Misophonia. I. think I have it. Yeah, I've got. misophonia. Um, oh man.

Sorry. Oh, God. I need to go. I just. wanted him to walk right into it. I want. to not be here anymore. No, I uh I've. been around people that have it and you. can't do anything. You can't have soup. You can't have peanut brittle around. people that have misophonia. Yeah. Doesn't matter. What are you. looking at me for? I'm just saying it's. it's terrible. You're not a victim. Let's put it that way. I think I'm a. victim in some ways. How so? Constant. expectations of greatness. Oh, I don't.

think anybody does expects that from. you. Wherever I go, I'm burdened by middling. expectations. No, it's it's it's. terrible for people that have that and. it's it's tough to be around. I know. What do you mean? Like it's tough for. you to bring around someone who has. that? Yes. Um my daughter was constantly. saying, "I hate the way that it sounds. when you consume the food that keeps you. alive." I mean defense, but in her. defense, what are you going to say? You. eat like an animal.

Okay, let's get into this. In a nice. way, but you eat the way you eat. Describe it. You've got the floor. First. of all, you're angry whenever you're. eating. I don't know why. I don't know. if you enjoy the food. And then you. inhale it as if all of your siblings are. just looming over you. They were, but. nobody is anymore. I know, but it's the. phantom leg syndrome. I'll tell you why I'm angry when I eat. Because I know that the food is. sustaining my life, which is causing me.

pain. But why can't it make you happy? I'm mad at the food cuz it's mad at the. food cuz it's keeping me alive so that. all this continues. Pretty dark, huh? Yeah. No, I uh I will. admit that I eat quickly. Mhm. I'm. getting better. I'm trying to chew the. food and be thoughtful, he said, lying. Okay, I figured because I saw you eat. not that long ago and it's the same. Really? Yeah. I didn't get any better. No, it's okay. It's okay to just be.

Well, Danny, your brother, did he eat. Does he eat quickly or No, he eats with. the calm assurance that he was the. oldest. He only had one sister and no. one was going to take his food. Yeah. Actually, your father was in the corner. brushing his mustache. He wasn't going. to take it. Okay, come on. Why don't go. back to Gillan his mustache? That's a. good-look mustache. There's no way that. it just looks that way. He's combing it. constantly. He's not combing his. mustache constantly. Frisk him. I bet he. has a tiny little comb. I'm not going to. frisk my dad. Well, I'm going to have. the police frisk Gil at the airport the.

next time he goes through. And I bet. whenever I bet whenever he walks through. the machine, he goes and they I mean, no, it's a metal comb. It goes What kind. of bing bing bing bing bing bing bing? Yeah, it's metal. And they take it out. and it's this tiny little mustache comb. And then he has to explain to them. that's why his mustache looks so good. This riff's a waste of everyone's time. Gil, my apologies. I love you. You're a. good man. You're apologizing. That's I. said it quickly. I know. Let's not draw. attention to it. Look, I'm on Nev's. side. Yes. I I think that uh I and she's.

made me very conscious of the way I I I. eat. And so she helped me. What's the. difference between inhaling food and are. you doing the kind of openmouth? That's. the thing that I have a misophonia for. I can't stand when an open mouth chewer. I don't think mouth chewer. Someone very. close in my life is an openmouth chewer. You're talking about Jeff Ross. Jeff Ross is a chomp chomp smack smack. man. And I think we can all agree on. that. Yeah, he's chomp chomp smack. smack. He'll be talking to me and be. like I'm not. So anyway um and I'm like. what what are you eating? And sometimes.

it's something that doesn't even need. chewing. Like a melting What do you have. there, Jeff? A melted. popsicle. Well, what are you chewing. for? It's 2 days old. It was in the back. of my car in the sun. So it's liquid. That's right. Anyway, I think we're. going to go out to the East Coast. Uh, we'll be there for the SNL thing. There's nothing in your mouth right now. Um, yeah, he's an open mouth chewer. Yeah, but he'll he'll hear this. Does he. listen to the podcast? I don't think he. does. Yeah, here and there. But we at.

least, this is my way of talking to him. now is through the podcast. Passive. aggressively. Podcastively aggressively. You know what? This is a great I'm very. passive aggressive and this is a great. way to talk to people who I know and. love in my life and and tell them how I. really feel. That's not bad. I'm going. to talk to the person who does the lip. smacking thing. Who is it? I can't say. Why? Who? Oh, wait. We're on camera. Who? Say. Oh, why are you doing all this mimming. on camera? Anyone can look up. It's.

going to backfire. You edit it. You can. easily I don't edit the video. Wait, you. haven't told her? You haven't told her. No, I've told her, but it's gotten to. the point where I can't say it anymore. Well, then this is the perfect way. Does. she listen to the podcast? Wait, I'm not. even saying this is a sheet. No, I mean you could have married. anyone. It's legal. Eastbound rolling out. We're going to. say what they say. You can't be done. person more than life itself. And this. is but a and and I have faults too. And.

so and probably greater faults. I'm sure. I have greater faults. Uh, it's it's. been discussed and it's been noted and. it's been put into the record and. there's nothing more I can do about it. Oh my god. How about the two of you, you. and this person that Matt's talking. about eat? You have a time minimum to. eat a meal and this person What are we. talking about? I don't think we can put. I don't know. I Eduardo speaks. Eduardo talks good.

adjust it as I think you could put like. a decel meter on that person to make. sure they don't pass a certain volume. maybe. There you go. We'll figure it. out. But that's the problem. It's not. the level of volume. It's almost worse. that it's slightly quiet cuz then you. start like I start straining to hear it. It's it's much my fault. It's a dynamic. Yeah. And I think it's fair to say that. in all relationships, especially the one. you're talking about, which is a. marriage. No, this is um my clergyman. Okay. Yes,

that's right. Pastor Samuelson, you eat. a lot of meals with them. Yeah, they. always get together for for beans. Yes, I take my dinner with my clergymen out. in the cloister. Um, you have oysters in. the cloister. Um, so horny. Listen, you got to admit. that was a that was the natural. It was. a home run. The lights exploded. Uh, Eduardo watched me trot in slow motion. around the field with Robert Redford's. body. Um, let's can we please just. actually give you a sandwich and say you.

can't finish this in less than 10. minutes. That would be difficult. The. same issue. I eat quickly. Uh, as do. most people that grew up in a prison or. penitentiary. Okay. Um, I put my arms. around my food to protect it from my. brother Neil. Yeah. Uh, who used one of. those supermarket grabbers to reach over. and get my food. He was ingenious. I. didn't have this oppressive sibling. thing. I think for me it was just let's. get this over with so I can do fun. things and live life. Food wasn't that.

exciting. Star Wars again. Okay. To live. life. Take you happen to be right. Yeah. Yes. I can organize my figurine. But take it easy. Buffett goes in front. Yeah. I don't see a problem with this. Mandalorian goes second. You're making. my point for me. R2D2 third. Well said. Sabart Rob beep goes fourth. That one's. not real. It's could be. There's a new. installment. So, you guys understand. Disney keeps cranking them out because. they can't stop. They don't have other.

content. I got a lot of editing to do on. this uh this one. Zar Darth Big Snacks. goes. fifth. He's from the planet Arc Snacks. Max. Okay. Look snacks. Now you're. getting personal. All right. Well, anyway, uh yes, live life to its You are. Zorba the Greek man. Just living life to. its fullest. M this small thimble full of iced tea. decaffeinated and then off to organize. my figurines. Oh, you're one to talk as.

Billmore Jazzy Roosevelt 14 volumes got. to be read by you. It's called knowledge. of history. Nerd off. Oh, please. I. think when I read history, I'm uh. educating myself about the history of. our nation. Maybe with an eye towards. how we should move forward. What you're. doing is living in a fantasy world of. Gax, Bixnor, Chaz, Bilny, Rex, Haxelax, Zor Bree,

and sounds. That's one character. Oh my. god. All right, my guest today. Oh god, there's no transitions in this universe. They were done away by the Empire. Oh, destroy all transitions. Excuse me. Excuse me. What's that? That. was a guy. That was Who was that? Darth. Vader. No, that was someone with. empisma. Okay, that makes sense. My.

guest today, how do we know Darth Vader. didn't have empisma and there was no uh. device assisting him? My guest today is. a I have I have I have some I have some. thinking. My guest today My guest today. You have some D. You're going to have to. go home and reconsider. You need to go. look in the mirror for a long time, buddy. I can't believe you're telling me. this and I'm taking it from you. I take. it from you. No, no, not no not guest. yet. I got to I got to. you of all people and you yourself are.

always admitting you're just projecting. Yeah. Why don't you go screw you dick. wish? Well, dick wish. This is what you. held up our our guest for. I hope you're. proud of yourself. You sure showed me. I. don't know how I'm going to recover from. that lethal blow.