Conan’s Staffer Explains How To React To Bear Attacks | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

okay uh this segment is airing after our. conversation with uh none other than. Chelsea Paretti and uh in that segment. we found ourselves talking about bear. attacks quite irresponsibly very. irresponsibly that was not a good we're. here we're here to um to clear the air. which is that no one in this studio. especially Chelsea predy but including. myself is an expert on what to do in a. bear attack we started saying some. but anybody who's tuning into conb Brian.

needs a friend to know how to survive in. the woods is a fool in my opinion and no. one should be listening to us and keep. in mind no lawyers contacted us we even. ourselves were like this is ridiculous. we're going to get someone killed yeah. we we are doing this because of our. conscience uh we wish want to make sure. that well Collective the three of us. together have one conscience okay okay. okay cool did you really read all those. books on bar attack I have read a lot on. bar attack but do I remember with great. Authority what to do and what not to do. no I don't uh do you think anybody knows.

now see but that's just what the Bears. want you to think you know what I mean I. think the Bears are also online putting. out a lot of misinformation exactly. they've got a Russian server Farm. working for them they're typing on a. computer grizzly bears love that whole. thing of just lie down in front of the. grizzly and we won't bother you that's. that's Grizzlies grizzli sitting at. computers putting that out there the. best way to avoid a bear attack is to. lather yourself in gravy and lie down in. front of a bear bring a gravy boat pour.

gravy on you lay down on a large platter. with an onion in your mouth and lay. still for the bear signed I am not a. bear so I don't know what to do in a. bear attack and we have a producer on. the show she's a researcher Jen samples. does an amazing job and she claims to. know but she said she texted in while we. were talking to Chelsea predy and she. said if you see a black bear attack. which sounded crazy to me because it.

sounded like the black bear could be six. miles away on a far Ridge smelling a. Dandy lion and your job is to race over. there and start punching it Jen samples. does uh she goes hiking and uh like. every weekend she's always doing outdoor. stuff always camping and she texted me. during the Chelsea par thing saying uh. if you see a black bear attack we can. get her on the phone should we get her. on the phone yeah get her on the phone. all right yeah let's call her up so my. question is what if it's a on the other.

linear no he's saying like uh Jen's not. here right now us should buy a bears of. present all right all right we got her. on the phone here you want to take the. phone and you can hold it okay why don't. you hold it I'm holding it yeah Jen Jen. can you hear us yeah okay yeah yeah yeah. Jen you're not being patched through in. any kind of sophisticated way that I. would expect from Eduardo who is a. mastermind instead uh blade just is. calling you on a cell phone and son is. holding it I'm holding it I just said.

someing I I'm saying of all people in. here I'm the one who's holding it which. is a really bad idea yeah because you. Dro stuff okay you dropped your twins. many times anyway so J we want to clear. the air because Chelsea paret was. talking about what to do in during a. bear attack we got the sense that she. didn't know what she was talking about I. she induced me to talk about it uh I. started saying but I'm not sure I'm. right and then you text in and say when. you see a black bear attack which sounds.

crazy to me you don't attack a bear. that's minding its own. business okay well what you do it's not. necessarily I'm not saying like go after. a bear that's what it sounded. like yes but like you want to like make. yourself big and like bang pots and pans. and like you know kind of just like make. yourself taller than the bear that's. what my wife did when I met her when I. met my wife and tried to talk to her in. a bar she started hitting pots and going.

la la. la la la la la la it took I had to reapo. many times over the years to get her. anyway so you're saying so you're saying. uh a black bear now a Grizzly what do. you do well okay so here's the rhyme. because we haven't even gotten into. polar bears and that's a whole other. bear oh my God what about koala. bears well yeah I don't know those ones. you know um but okay so the rhyme is as. follows it goes black attack I stand by.

that um Brown lay down so like play dead. because if you fight back a Grizzly. brown bear is gonna just kill you and. it's horrific um and then white good. night so you're just screwed like if you. if you run into a polar bear you're dead. I've always heard if it's polar Go. Solar meaning hly try yeah no try and. just get because it's responsible. they're they're they are bears that. respect uh going green and and being.

more responsible in your use of. electricity you bring up a kind of. interesting point Jen how much of this. is contingent upon this this rhyme did. they reverse engineer this is there. science to this where are you getting. your facts no I'm telling you there. because okay I listen to a lot of. podcasts about bear attacks also I am. fascinated by bear attacks and I've. spent a lot of time like camping up in. grizzly bear country up in Montana so I. do a lot of research and I like to be. prepared when I go out there obviously.

having be spray is key up there too. but yeah I it it's it's proven fact I. think I think that's like the go-to run. that like the National Park Service and. everything goes by so I say so so a bear. spray is good and also wearing the. cologne. Jupe they're just bottled the same Tracy. Morgan brought me was it Tracy Tracy. Morgan brought me a bottle of Jupe and. man uh I think that would work kind of. bear too Ard you have some confirmation.

here yes I can kind of confirm what. Jen's saying I went to the to mps.gov. which is National Park Service and they. say if a black bear charges and attacks. you fight back with everything you have. do not play dead there you go okay it. says and furthermore it says uh direct. punches and kicks at the bear's face and. use any weapons like rocks branches or. bear spray to defend yourself so that's. for black bears okay if a Grizzly SL. brown bear charges and attacks you play.

dead do not fight back cover your head. and neck with your AR heads hands and. arms lay flat on your stomach and spread. your legs apart keep your pack on it. will help you help protect you during an. attack stay still and don't make any. noise you're trying to convince the bear. that you aren't a threat to it or its. Cubs do not get up right away because. the bear may still be in the area wait. several minutes until you are. sure you know what I did I did some of. this research and I went camping not. long ago and I brought a casket with me. me and when a when a uh and a suit and.

when I saw a brown bear in the area I. put on the suit and got in the open. casket and you hired a bunch of people. to come to your funeral H I hired nine. people to just look sad and be around me. and they were all killed and pick it. they were killed because they were I. also brought food for them to eat cuz. that's what would be happen at a wake so. they were all picking at chicken salad. the bear attacked and killed them but I. was safe and then the bear actually. stopped and crossed himself and then. didn't he give a little speech he gave a.

short speech which is like this was a. life well. live and I think the I think they did a. good job on him he looks pretty lifelike. oh my God uh and uh he did remark that I. looked paler than most dead people he'd. seen and that was a b yeah yeah exactly. so anyway uh wow okay this is good we. just wanted to make sure Jen that we got. some real information out but I do want. to underline that when Jen said if you. see a black bear attack what she meant. is if the black bear has attacked you do.

not start searching for black bears uh. and and and then randomly just punching. them with P you know with your fists. that's I think a terrible thing to do. yeah yeah let's make that clear that is. not what I'm saying what it sounded like. it sounded like if you can find a black. bear punch him in the back of the head. go find one thank you Jen so much of. course of course don't koala bears have. like Gara garia yeah so that's what's. the rhyme for that uh well but.

definitely don't lay down and spread. your legs okay well I'm sorry come on. I'm just picking up the other advice. spread your legs that's what you said. about the brown bear spread your legs. that's just what the bear wants that. Bear's done any time in. prison oh why did anyway uh okay well. thank you very much Jen and I'm glad. that we were and you know what I think. we were responsible here I agree because.

sometimes people get confused they're. listening to a couple of comedic fools. talking and they might uh you know. misremember later on I think the Le the. lesson here is listeners should come. here for their nature facts from here on. out yes if it's polar Go. Solar.