Conan’s Alternate History About January 6th | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

hey there welcome to Conor O'Brien needs. a friend a fine program today Matt. gorley joining us hi yeah good to see. you and uh son messian and a happy. birthday to you oh thank you you uh you. had your birthday yesterday yesterday. yeah but you know I celebrate all month. but that's okay yeah what's that all. about I just I like it yeah I also get. confused by your Christmas celebrations. because you celebrate real Christmas but. also Armenian Christmas ours is real. Christmas yours isake Christmas just.

said and I wasn't even trying to be. funny was very offensive it was and I. and I apologize oh um oh yeah uh because. I shouldn't have said real Christmas I'm. sure people think of the Christmas on. December 25th and you guys celebrate it. when January 6th yeah I'm I'm sure that. I know now January 6th is like for. something else well yes of course well. there's a theory that the fracus I call. it fracus at the capital frack heard and.

I later long looked it up everyone. participating in that it was 98%. Armenians no and that they were rushing. they were rushing the. capital uh to exchange to to give gifts. to each other oh I thought to get the. trees left over exactly it was just a. misunderstanding it was it was a it was. an Armenian Christmas and people it just. happened to be the capital was in the. way oh okay okay there were a lot of. good sales and on their way to Armenian.

Christmas right and it was like God we. could go around the capital let's go. through it listen all right my birthday. was yesterday your birthday was. yesterday so you celebrate all month but. are is everyone else obligated to. celebrate your birthday all month she. always did this when she was my. assistant she would keep bringing up. it's my birthday month yes and it was uh. kind of a nightmare it's not a nightmare. isn't it just a nice way to see people. and just be like hey it's it's no you. wanted it was like extortion you wanted. it's not a slippery slope where you.

start going it's my birthday year and. then suddenly it's eternally your. birthday wouldn't that be great well. don't let me give you any ideas and then. it turns into my birthday year I just. like seeing people and especially now. it's harder for me to see people cuz I. have family obligations and so I like to. use it as an excuse to like go to dinner. that's nice yeah sure everybody should. do it let's get back to uh Armenian. Christmas now oh God Armenian is the uh. oldest sect of Christianity is that.

correct Arians are the first to adopt it. as their National religion that's right. yes that's the correct way to say it I'm. glad I glad I educated you uh you didn't. educate me I knew that pretty much. you're welcome I knew that me teach you. more about Aria work for you you're. going to teach me about Armenia yeah. what no you're you're not I think I know. more about it than you you might know. more about the Soviet sh's Armenian oh. really yeah Dr Dr korin why do you. always do Dr korin second those your two. big ones.

yeah no let's not do the Armenian list. again okay here's the thing I will say. to you um you do both though right you. do 25th that doesn't I don't like when. when people do both what pick one pick. one why I'm an Armenian. American away from us yes I don't then I. feel like yeah but guess what I believe. that's that's true so really US versus. them mentality I didn't start this yeah. I'm tired of immigrants coming into this. country and taking Christmas gifts from. me yeah Eduardo Ed that's just the way.

it is you if you come into this country. and you celebrate more than one. Christmas we've got a problem what if we. take the gifts you guys didn't even want. yes thank you oh oh my God this is man. the metaphors here are blowing my mind. cuz there is a lot of regifting at. Christmas from the white elephants and. things y why is it called a white. elephant this is really blowing my mind. so you're saying that you guys are. taking the gifts that we don't want yes.

but then bitching about it right all. right white elephant White Christmas yes. holy wait but why is it January 6. was he was Jesus born on January 6th I. know December 25th isn't really the. right way right don't Edo you are. married your your wife is Armenian. correct and and in Mexican American. culture or Mexican culture also January. 6 is celebrated because of the Three. Kings Day Three Kings Day so so January. 6 is also Three Kings Day possible no. you're really tangling.

to be so January 6 it's also Elvis's. birthday so technically it's King. Elvis's birthday is January 8th it is. yeah that's my dad's birthday too wait. your dad is born I was January 7 wait. you wait a minute bla you waited to. interject you wanted to make sure you. had something good and you jumped in. with Elvis's birthday and you were wrong. yes that's crazy I'm sorry. you're like a guy that waited outside. the house in case there's. trouble it caught fire other people put. it and then long after the fire was out.

you came rushing in and threw fluffer. Nutter all over the place and I set the. fire myself because I didn't need to. interject his birthday is actually. January 8th yeah not the six oh sorry I. thought he said the seventh his dad's. birthday can we straighten one thing out. think everything very clear we've. determined that January 6th was when the. capital was attacked it was an. Insurrection but also Armenian Christmas. yes but also three King's dayre is it. possible that a lot of the crowd and I'm.

I'm not making excuses but is it. possible that many people in the crowd. were excited about Armenian Christmas. and Three Kings Day and should we look. into this and then the they were on. their way to some big festivity and. capitals in the way is that. possible and yes there's ways to go. around it but often times I found it's. better to smash doors and go through oh. you do and then later on the left is. like this is an Insurrection excuse me. pull the crowd how how many were. celebrating Three Kings Day they.

arrested a lot of people who were there. and nobody mentioned Armenian Christmas. well I think after the fact you'd you. know what you're embarrassed yeah. probably embarrassed gotch it yeah you. don't want to disch it what if someone. was like it's Elvis's birthday maybe. they were early for Elvis's birthday. which is on the 8th guess what there. were like nine people the guy wearing. the buffalo horn hat the Bison dude the. Bison dude he was there celebrating was. his birthday and like most insane people.

wearing a bison hat he was 2 days off. yeah and two people there were. celebrating my dad's birthday yeah I. just think the justice department should. really figure out how much of the crowd. was celebrating other stuff and just got. confused or bla birthday too maybe they. were there for blae birthday when is. your birthday January 7th were you there. you know what there is usually a big. crowd in Washington that gathers the day. before bla birthday and then they. quickly remember that off by a day and.

so they try to rush to where blle is and. often times the capital's in the. way I just think this is an alternate. should be an alternate history show. where we explore other possibilities I. like this yeah yeah in fact stay tuned. for the third act segment of this. episode and we'll be back with another. alternate historical possibility yes. exactly yeah yeah Booth was just angry. that Lincoln was blocking his view of. what was happening in the theater.

yeah sir sir remove that hat sir I I'll. remove that hat when I'm no longer. president yeah you whipper. snapper if only I had a right daringer. blam alternate history is that your. Lincoln impression well I tell you four. score and seven years ago what that's. not that you I tell s many people don't. understand what Lincoln really sounded. like he had a high re voice many people. give him.

a four score in seven years ago no he he. did not have that voice he was described. at the time I like the other one that. one I know but I'm being in and my. accurate linking. is no no look who's here no don't do. that I'll take off my hat boo once you. settle down but I'm trying to enjoy my. American cousin see I mean honestly why. are you wearing a hat in the theater. though too right he didn't take it off. it was a thing with L he was a real. prick about it yeah yeah he ref no what.

are you talking about I don't know. nothing here is real let me just remap. the thread of this conversation I made. up that he refused to take his hat off. of course he took his hat off we be in. the simonian right now with a big hole. in it but the Armenians going through. the capital to get to Armenian Christmas. real I just think we should investigate. that that's all I'm saying wa but what. is his voice it was high and REI it was. that's real didn't Daniel de Lewis kind. of play it that way yeah Daniel de Lewis. gave him the real voice that they think.

he had and a lot of theater goers were. like what he doesn't sound like James. Earl Jones and that's not what Lincoln. sounded like so we actually did get a. little historical fact out of this. despite my best attempts and now you're. convinced that Booth shot Lincoln. because he didn't take his stovepipe hat. off yeah and it gave Booth an obstructed. view I'm only not convinced because you. keyed me that that was false so thank. you I now know the truth but that would. have been warranted okay terrible.

a terrible segment a segment spoken like. a true Christmas denial sometimes I want. I think someone should bust into this. room right now and shoot me with a. daringer cuz that is the only way to end. this I volunteer oh you know what and. you're a guy that would own a daringer I. got itan you know what you got a bit of. a boothy vibe to you you do you're a. little what are you talking about the. greatest actor he's a guy that would own. a daringer can can you imagine a guy. busting a guy busting it and he has oh I. got at a local flea market I do not own.

a darer singular yeah okay first of all. you own Daren yes I do one on each leg. garter I loved it someone busting into. your house and you're like don't worry. honey and you're putting a ball into a. little daringer and powder and you're. packing it in no no those are cartridge. based. guns little boothy all right little. boothy around he's a little boothy. around the eyes.