Conan Resisted Making A Joke After Adrien Brody’s Long Oscars Speech | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

I want to make sure that I uh I talk. about this because you've written a book. which would could be of help to people. which is how to write a funny speech. You say for a wedding, bar mitzvah, graduation, and every other event you. didn't want to go to in the first place. Yes. And uh your forward is by none other. than Carol Bernett. How did you pull. that off? Carol Bernett. Well, you know, I've. written for Carol. I wrote for her uh. 50th anniversary show, her 90th birthday. special, and um so I've got to know her. casually. Yeah.

And she's amazing. She's a magical person. Oh my god, isn't she? So um I reached. out to her and I said, um you know, I. have this book and if you would be kind. enough to write the forward. And of. course, approaching somebody like that, I'm always with but if you can't do it, I totally understand. No problem. No. harm, no foul. And she was like, "Yeah, send me the book." So, this is on a. Friday. Okay. Sunday, she calls me. She. goes, "I read the book. I loved it. I'm. happy to write the forward." I mean, who.

who does that? Would not be me. What is this about again, Conan? We've. talked seven times. Um, no, it's really. lovely that you that you got her to do. it. And the advice in here is very. smart, good advice for people, I think, about. how to be funny if you're going to give. a speech. The most important is length. Yes. And I can't tell you how many times I.

have witnessed someone, they get their. laugh. Yeah. And you're like, "Good, good." And then. they keep going and you're like, "You, Adrien Brody. [Laughter]. just witnessed that on the I was. backstage at the Oscars and I so wanted. to I thought it's late in the day. Don't. be a dick. So wanted to go out there and. say you thought you thought the. brutalist was long. Um. it would have been such a it was just. such a softball hanging there and I.

thought h. Yeah. How close were you to. very close to where you I was for a. second I almost said that speech needed. an intermission. Um, but then I thought, oh, I'm going to see. him in a minute and don't. his payback's coming from the world. Uh, people telling him for the rest of his. life. Why? Why? Um, but what you said, you know, how. many people get up and tell a speech, do. a speech, and they don't say who they are. They. just start talking about the person and.

you're sitting there 3 minutes in going, "Is this his aunt? Is this a teacher? Who is this to this person? I mean, it's. just important. can get up there and go, "Hi, I'm Aunt Betty and I've known so. and so since they were born." You know, just something as simple. gives you a connection. Yeah. I always get up if I'm giving a speech. and say, "I was this person's lover.". It's often not true, but it just gets. you right away. That is a great opening line. Yeah, we were lovers. Uh it was a very.

sexual and sensual relationship. I've noticed something that a lot of. people, it's a whole generational thing. They read off their phone. Yeah. Which I find a little offputting. I. don't like it either. I don't like it. either. And I've seen people do it at I. mean serious big like there's a casket. there. Yeah. And someone's like, "Well, my father and. they're wait a minute. I'm getting a. text." Uh it's weird. It is weird. Um you know, part of the. advice we give in the book is you can't. you don't have to memorize it. You know,

just if you have a card, have some. bullet points. Yes. Um, but also, you. know, practice it in front of someone. who's going to be at the event that. knows the person. That's a good idea, too. But reading is, um, yeah, that's a. big turnoff. Also, leave room space, like have ideas. of what you want to say, but leave space. for what's happened in the last 10. minutes. Uhhuh. So that I I was I'm looking around for. Okay, I think I know what I'm going to.

do. But if a coffee urn exploded 2. minutes ago, that's don't just lock into nope. This. is what I wrote last night. Make room for the coffee earn. Yeah. Be in the moment. Be in the moment. And um and and people. react to that so beautifully. They. humans know when something real is. happening. I don't know how they I like. humans. These humans I've encountered in my time. here on Earth, but they do. They know. when something organic is happening. And.

they can also sense uh when it's not. Yeah, absolutely. We have a lot of jokes. in there. Jokes to steal. Yep. For the events, but the beginning, middle, and end, it's really not all. that difficult. People can make it harder than it. actually is. Yeah. And look at it. It's handy, right? Small. It's not a giant tome. It's not a tome. No. Um, this is not a this is not a Torah. What's the stick you read with? Hey, thank you for the Jewish reference.

Well, I said the stick, so I don't I. don't think I get a lot of what, Adam? The what? The yod. The yad, fellow Jew in the group, how to write a funny speech for a. wedding, bar mits for graduation and. every other event you didn't want to go. to in the first place. Uh, with a. forward by Carol Bernett and it actually. is a very helpful book. And this was. nice to get a chance to sit down with. you and talk to you because you're such. a a fixture in the comedy business that. in in all the best ways that I'm.

constantly seeing you and we're crossing. each other in busy hallways and there. are show girls and people dressed as. horses and you know yeah people dressed. as German soldiers and you're on in five. minutes. Hey Carol, how's it going? Hi. Conan and we pass each other. So it's. this is really lovely that we got to do. this. And you know what I wanted to say. because I would be remiss if I didn't. I. mean to host the Oscars is really a. tough gig. It's really really tough. But. I will tell your audience that.

beforehand when I went to Wish You Luck. Mhm. You're So you said, "You know what? I. just want to have fun out there.". Yeah. And you did. And And that. was the that was the mission was uh. obviously do a lot of work beforehand. and prepare. Yeah. But I was determined to I mean it. actually is the thing that's helped me a. lot on the podcast and the late night. shows over the years is I learned a long. time ago if I'm having fun it's going to. work. So I can't contrive that. I just have to. figure out situations and things to say.

that I'm going to have fun doing. Yeah. And put enough of those together where I. will have fun and if I'm having fun, people will start to have fun. Absolutely. Yeah. So you really weren't. all that nervous going out? Uh, let's. say I had Oh, you're. It's yours. Oh, really? Oh. Um, I'm getting a text right now. Text? No, it's a spam call. I don't know why I. And it's all turned off, by the way. I. don't know why it made a noise. It was vibrating. Oh, I put it on vibrate. So, I have a. sensual experience.

Um, on you though. Well, it doesn't have to be this age. Just. hearing hearing something vibrate gets. me all. hot and bothered. Um, but uh, no, I will I would be lying if I. said I did a lot of preparation, but. when the time comes to walk and they. patch you, they they tap you to go out, uh, let's just say you're focused. I I'm not a nervous wreck, but I am I am. very aware. Yeah. You go into that tunnel vision, which.

I'm sure I mean, you've had a million. times when it's time to go. I don't. think nervous is the right word for it, right? cuz I'm nervous when I go to the. dentist. Yeah, this a different feeling. It's a real. intense everything. narrows. Everything narrows to like a. pinpoint of light. Anyway, congratulations on the book. Thank you. And thank you so much for coming. Oh, and uh come on come on back. We have we. have a lot to talk about. We sort of have a lot to talk about.

How come I'm the only one not talking. like this? Cuz you haven't had a small stroke.