Conan Questions A Crime Scene Investigator | Conan O’Brien Needs a Fan

so tell us a little bit about yourself. Alan what do you uh what do you do I'm a. crime scene investigator oh jackpot holy. holy I love crime uh I've committed. some crimes uh and that's unfortunate. yeah well just try and catch me. um wait I just admitted you keep me. talking for five minutes you'll have. everything you need the worst criminal I. would fold so quickly oh yeah sure I. killed him yeah I just don't go looking. in the back in that shed.

near the elm tree in my in my yard I. mean if you didn't say it I think Sona. would probably she would yeah yeah but. you would give details they'd never even. ask yeah exactly I would just be. immediately saying you know it's harder. to kill choke to death than you think. and. um but listen this is a serious. profession so you are a crime scene. investigator. this is I mean I have so many questions. I figured you might yeah so are you.

dealing with a lot of homicides do you. go to a lot of homicide scenes wow. Kansas City we we deal with um violent. crime mostly yeah okay is it. particularly high in Kansas City. um it's been lower in the past right so. at this point. it's getting up there yeah because when. I think of Kansas City I think barbecue. first.

um you must have seen some crazy stuff. just insane stuff did it take you a. while to get used to seeing people who. had violently met their end does it or. or did you quickly get used to it um I. don't think you quickly get used to it. if you quickly get used to it then maybe. um you should see someone which a lot of. people do and that's fine right that. means you're a sociopath I believe no. empathy yeah that's kind of a problem. however there is kind of a work mode. that you get into and you. compartmentalize and you say okay I'm. here to do a job and you know if if.

you're conscious of it you're able to. process it at a later time and just kind. of do your job and then you know maybe. later you go home and go okay what just. happened let me try and do this in a. healthy way and not go like drink a. six-pack in the shower and cry I would. just cry I would cry all day I'd cry. when I'm working yeah you cry anyway. yeah I do and you also drink a six-pack. in the shower. you do all this and you've never seen a. dead body okay so we have to get into.

the nitty-gritty here and I I don't you. know I want to be tasteful about this. but this is what you do and it. fascinates me and I Know It fascinates. Sona as well who cares how David feels. about it. um I'm sorry David you know David I Care. thank you thank you by the way we've now. determined I have no empathy so yeah and. I'm like what's the big deal it's a. bunch of dead people yeah. watch it Alan okay uh one push of a. button and then absolutely nothing.

happens. um so uh okay how many what's the most. homicides that you've uh encountered in. one day I think three three in one day. and they weren't it's not like they all. shot each other these were separate uh. I was gonna say it's cheating if they. all shot each other which is right only. happens in really old movies. I've always thought in those scenes in.

movies where people are holding guns. right at each other and it's supposed to. neither one will blink I think just if. one of you pulls the trigger you win. yeah yeah so what's I don't understand. those scenes but anyway I'm taking us. away from the pot of gold we have here. which is uh you come upon a homicide. scene what's the first thing that you. are looking for so we will talk to the. officers who responded they will give us. a bit of a rundown of what you know what. may have occurred because of you know.

the technology today oftentimes there's. video of what happened so we'll watch. that and try and under get in get an. idea of kind of what we're looking at. and then we will walk through the scene. look and see what we have and assess. what we might need equipment wise and. all that and then we'll start taking. photographs this is true I've noticed a. lot there's video of every everything. now which completely has changed the. game I would think because more and more. crimes even if there's no video in the.

home everybody's got a ring camera. people have uh you know stores any. business has a camera there's sometimes. the city itself has has put cameras. everywhere so you can see which vehicles. were in the area and right and then when. you go to Home Depot and buy the tarp. and the shovel and the duct tape that's. always a bad idea that's always a bad. idea yeah I say and Mike are you writing. this down Conan no listen oh trust me. I've thought about this one you get them.

slowly over a long period of time so. um but are you ordering off of Amazon no. that's still bad no no no okay you don't. go off of Amazon you just get them very. slowly and the more that you can just. the more that you can pick up something. like you're talking to somebody or over. at their house uh they say I'm gonna go. and check on the uh the beef stew that's. simmering and you you just wander over. and you see that they've got a shovel. and you pick it up and you put in the. back of your car. you need to plan a good crime has to be.

planned out maybe at least a year in. advance and you pick up things slowly. and quietly also I've had all my. fingerprints burned off I don't know if. that does anything that doesn't I know. you know what I did it and then I didn't. think about the DNA component yeah so um. you know if you if you committed the. crime uh Barefoot we could get your foot. prints as well yeah but I'm always when. I'm when I murder I'm always wearing. bright yellow Crocs but you're also very. recognizable on a camera and I feel like.

if you see a camera pointed at you. you'll start performing doing it this is. a problem now and is that there'll be. footage of there's a guy in Crocs. wearing a wig and he's doing bits oh. he's doing the string Dance Now. between the string dance and he's saying. stick around there might be more murder. after these messages and then you again. I'm arrested and this is after quietly. picking up everything I needed over a. six year period yeah.

sorry.