Conan O'Brien Must Go: New Zealand Roundtable | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Okay, welcome. Uh, if you are listening. to this program right now, and you are. because you can hear my voice, which is. proof that you're hearing it. Again, we're doing something a little. different. We did this last week. Last. week, we did a podcast about the Spain. uh, Madrid episode of Conrian Must Go. because that's when it dropped. Well, guess what? Today is the day that. episode two in the series drops. And today's episode then is about New.

Zealand because that is where I. traveled. I am joined by the crack team. as opposed to the team on crack that. why not both. These are all good quips. Uh and we'll. edit them out. Terrific team. Mike. Sweeney of course at the helm. Came in a little late wearing one of one. of the three shirts he owns. Yeah. And I'm also joined by Jesse Gascal. It takes time to pick them out. Okay. Worth interrupting Jesse's intro for. that little little uh sprinkle. Jesse.

Gascal, terrific uh writer, producer, joke writer, and uh Jose Aoyo. Um also a. terrific comedic mind. And uh both of. you uh have joined. to us. I'm nervous. It's a trap. It's a trap. What you do is. you put honey in the trap. and then they fall into the pit and of. the spikes. Um this team, this unit has. come on most of the travel shows. just. about all of them if not all of them. Uh and so I uh and and I'm talking about.

the TBS days. um and all those con without border. shows. and now on the uh Max series Con must go. season two uh we are today discussing. the second episode in the series which. is New Zealand. Guys, what did you. think? It's out right now. Out right now as we speak. It's amazing. I I loved it from I. actually saw it um just to prepare for. this. Oh, was that true for you? You did some.

did a little homework. You did preparation for this. Okay. For this. And I saw it and I. You're not ever supposed to watch these. again. I know. I know. There's. uh So, uh how does it hold up? It holds up really, really well. Uh it's. Your voice went up. Sorry. No, go ahead. No, no, it holds up really well. And it. just it's you you jump from the North. Island to the south. cover it's we. covered a lot of ground. covered a lot of ground which is yeah I. mean that's hard in that country because. it involves flights and driving and.

one of the things that we have found is. in our travels is that um. you know we go and the premise of the. show is I visit fans that have reached. out to me through the podcast and so. these fans were pretty well distributed. around both islands um the north and the. south I learned a lot I had never been. to New Zealand before the people were. extraordinary. They were lovely. We. learned a lot about the uh the ancient. uh culture.

The Mouri culture and um. not so ancient. It turns out they've. only occupied the island for 800 years. longer than. Is that true? Oh, wow. That's what that's what they were. saying. Yeah. During that uh welcoming. ceremony, which I thought. was there before that? I think before that it was a medical. conference. Uh, get away. It was for No, it was for Bowshin Lom. And uh. and and it was interesting because when. we went before we began filming, we were. taken by a Mouri guide to this.

mountaintop that looked over, this is in. the North Island in Auckland. And uh. there was a a long discussion about the. history and then he led a ceremony. It. was kind of moving. Blessing the film shoot. Yes, he was blessing the the film shoot. Another another ancient right. Yeah. Which we should always do. Really? Yes. We should Oh, okay. So, when I go to the. American Girl store to drink too much. with a doll, which should be a blessing. first at the American Girl store,

um I uh yeah, it was it was it was. really nice to be introduced to the. culture and then um visit the fans and. we learned a lot. Our visit coincided. with something that is in the uh. Guinness Book of World Records which is. part of the show which is there is a a. ritual there called the haka which for. for to the uninitiated just it looks. kind of like a a a dance routine like a. very old kind of.

it's like a flash mob. Yeah, it looks. like a flash mob, but uh it's something. that's performed. It's been around for. I'm guessing hundreds and hundreds and. hundreds of years, and it's very. important uh to the culture. And they. tried to break the world's record for. the largest number of people doing the. haka at the same time. So, they filled a. stadium and I was joined by none other. than. Taikoiti. TaoTi who uh helped out. And so, that. makes for a fun segment. There's a there. were a lot of um I when I look at the.

footage of that now when we were editing. I was stunned by how many people were. doing the haka at the same time because. when you're doing it you're just you're. in yourself you're doing it you're not. quite aware but when you. when you had just learned it too so you. were probably focusing on the moves. oh I was just trying to remember. uh how to do this correctly and it's. intimidating because on one side I had a. you know Maui guide. and on the other side I had TA.

Yeah. So people watching from the Guinness. Book of World Records and it's being. recorded. So I was. Lots of news cameras. Yeah. Lots of news cameras. I was in my head. about let's do this correctly. I didn't go on the New Zealand trip. Um. cuz I was trying to figure out how to. leave my baby. Um but I. which is a code for battling your. addiction. I was in Exactly. It's a new You were at New Horizons. Oh, I fell off the baby again.

You know, it's crazy. Can I just back up. for a second that you. uh were with child when we went to. Norway and Thailand? New Norway and Thailand. And we didn't. know, of course, you kept it a secret. You know that I have a policy that no. one's allowed to uh. none of my writers. like Rumple Stillilskin, you you get the. baby. None of my writers are allowed to. reproduce. Uh, and it's a thing when you when you. work with me that you have to sign. Uh,

and so you broke the rules. And um, no, but so that was during the. That was interesting that Dot, who's now. how old? A year. She's a year and a half. Year and a half. Dot is was with us on. two trips, which is really kind of cool. Oh my god. That's right. I. She's been to Norway. I should have bring her on all of them. Well, actually, this means that she's in. the union. She's in the guild. She's in the writer's guild. Oh my god. Yeah. And uh. so now she's gonna bankrupt the show.

She shows money to the. guild. They're going to d you. Yes. You weren't. allowed to go. You. Well, I was I just hadn't quite figured. out a way to be gone for because I knew. the New Zealand show that that trip in. particular was going to be long. It's a. really long flight and the trip was like. almost two weeks I think that you guys. were gone. Also, this was you were. newly, you know, you were still getting to know. your daughter and it was completely. understandable that you were like, "Yeah, I don't I don't think I'm ready. to go on this trip.".

You guys were really really cool about. it, I have to say. But then immediately after that trip, um, you said, "I so want to get away. from this child. Sign me up for the. I saw the dies.". It's amazing. The child did come with us. Yeah. But. you stayed here. Yeah. Uh, it's amazing. Just weeks. later, you were ready to go to Spain and. meet Javier. Bardella. Somehow I did pull it together. for that. Pull it together for one of the most. magnetic, sexy. uh,

Mommy. Mommy, please. Not now. Not now, dog. No, but I was going to say. that I was at home and I was, you know, keep keeping track of the trip, but that. first day that you landed, I woke up and. all all the over the news were these. shots of Conan doing the haka and it was. just it was perfect cuz part of the haka. is that you do these really grotesque. war faces. And so the the still that I. kept seeing was you with your tongue out. and your eyes engorged like a gargoyle.

Yes. Yes. Of course. The hips thrust. forward. It was cuz I said engorged. Yes. Hips not engorged. Um, devoid of any. liquid. Deflated. That was our Yeah. the day we landed, which is probably the best time to learn. the hot. tearing off the bandage. 15 hour. Very quickly. We dove right into a. culture and. me at a stadium. Yes, exactly. Uh, in front of all of New Zealand. And. then uh we did I don't want to give away.

any secrets, but let's just say we it's. it it's worth watching that episode to. see what's happening at Stadium. Then. we're making our way through uh the. wilds. of the South Island. The the North. Island and the South Island are quite. different. The South Island is the. island where uh Peter Jackson. fil both islands. He was on both. islands. He was on both islands. Okay. But but yes, some of the the most. dramatic. Yeah. When the hobbits are hanging out.

in karaoke bars. and and driving catamarans around a. marina, that's the North Island. But when the hobbits are going through. Middle Earth, that's the South Island. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. There's rainforest. There's alpine uh. you know, environments in the South. Island. And we covered all of it. Beach. There's beach. Yeah. Yeah. some of the. distances we traveled. to get we had to go over this big. mountain pass to get to. Hokka.

Hokit tikka and that was quite a journey. before we left the north island we did. meet this young woman named Abby Howells. who was sort of getting me up to speed. on um I wouldn't say customs but. pronunciations uh how people uh. attitudes how slang. and she was without a doubt one of the. funniest people I've met. Yeah, her improv Yes. And was off the charts. funny. Yes. You guys were doing like a twoerson.

Oh my god. I would tour I would I would. do a twoperson show with her in Vegas if. I could. She's so funny and and really. delight and really delightful. She should be an international star. I. just. I think she will be. which not something I say about everyone. but amazing. She's kind of the breakout. I think kind of the breakout star of the. New Zealand episode Abby Hows. And I. just want to give a shout out to her. because. I'm hoping I cross paths with her again. She was so uniquely funny. She's just.

funny in her bones and uh and just a. just so much fun and I love the segments. with her. Yeah. Yeah. at. this one. is you guys do a great job of finding. these people. I don't know who they're. going to be. I get out of a van, I walk. up, they say, "This is Abby. Hi, Abby.". And within two seconds, I'm thinking, "She's hilarious. This is really fun. We. did so much improv." It was really.

I know. Well, and I normally wouldn't I. think I think someone telling me what. just watch this half hour of improv. would maybe turn me off a little bit, but it was legitimately so funny. watching the uncut version. Edited. Oh, the uncut. Yes. No. No. We. wouldn't. We would never. We cut it. down. You We would never ask you to. watch half an hour. No, Jesse. How dare. you suggest. It was hard to edit as because it was. because there was so many good chunks in. there. So, and it all built as it went. So, and it. just got funnier and funnier. And so,

then you're like, "Oh, how do we tighten. this up without losing any of these. great. I met the only other I I never meet. anyone with a first name Conan, but you. guys found someone in New Zealand whose. name is Conan O'Brien, and I met with. him. That was fun. He was also really. funny. He was funny. They were naturally. very funny people." And uh. that that was our talent booker, Gina. Batista came in one day. She goes, "I. got an alert that there's a Conan O'Bri. or something on her phone." and she. goes, "I don't know that there's a Conan. O'Brien.".

And he has one of my he had my MX he had. my MX card. We figured out where the leak was. And he was he was really funny, too. We found this a lot. It's one of the. things that I like so much about the. travel shows is that. you go to these other countries and. they're um very self-possessed. They're like, "Oh, yeah. Okay. I know. this. I've heard of this Conan guy." But. anyway, and then they get on to just. being themselves. And so the comedy is.

it's a different. They're not nervous around you. Oh god, no. No. They're there's a in a. little scent of in I don't know, disdain. No, just being laidback. Abby mentioned. that that's one of the sort of national. pride of of New Zealand is how laid-back. people can be. And they were all very. unflapable. And no matter, you know, just meeting someone in a in a DVD. store, guys just buying. renting videos and they're just like, "Hey, Conan." And they knew who you. were, but they're just like, "Yeah." And.

they're just kind of sleepy. You traveled 45,000 miles to be here, basically to the moon and back. to go see them. Hey, that's cool. Then we go to the. South Island and uh. that was. pretty fascinating just because the. um the winding van ride up over the. mountains. Yes. Uh through fog. Yes. There's a there's a. part of this life of making remotes and. there's no escaping it where if you're.

going to do this, you're going to be in. a van for a long period of time. Yes. And some countries more than others. And. uh yeah, New Zealand is a van country. You're in a van. Yes. It's not luxury uh transport. and there's no way. I mean, if you want. to get from which city were we in in the. South Island? Christ Church. Christ Church. We were in Christ Church. Then for us to get to Hokatika, which is. on the other side of the island south,

and this is getting closer to. Antarctica. That's the fascinating part. And I really wanted to go all the way. south. And if we had been that kind of. travel show that's actually trying to. inform people, um, we would have I would love to go. back someday and go to the very southern. tip because that's almost as close as. you can get to Antarctica without. getting on a boat. other than Pat like Patagonia. Patagonia I think is a little closer. We look and we looked into it and we're. kind of like Duneden and down that way.

There's wildlife and but you know Yes. It would be. yank you away from the fan and it's it. becomes a whole different show. Exactly. This will not be in the special but my. our we finally get to Hokatika. and uh what you will not see in the. special. is we check into this hotel and I was. taken up to this room that makes no. sense. I've stayed in every kind of. hotel room in my life. And this hotel. room.

there's you take an elevator up two. flights. to the third. to the third floor and then you walk. down and they say just go through that. door and you go through that door and. there's some more stairs. The stairs. take you up to an elevator that is not. functioning. It's not a functioning. elevator and hasn't been for a long. time. But then you like go up a ladder. and there's another door and then you're. in a hotel room and there's an elevator. door in that hotel room but it doesn't. open and that's in the like living room.

of the hotel room. It was just I. couldn't figure it out for the life of. me. And then we. they called it the penthouse suite. Yes, penthouse suite. But it's the. kookiest thing I've ever seen. And then. we. uh walked to uh a bar and there was. karaoke. at the bar. Yes. And was it you Jose who played a cruel. practical joke on me? Or was it Oh, it was Chalemi. It was Jason Shalmi.

Jason Shalmi called up a song and he. said, "You're next, Conan." And I went, "I don't want to do it." And I said, "No, no, you're next." And it was Led. Zeppelin. Yeah. A whole lot of love. Whole lot of love. which if you know the. song, you know, it's that I mean I don't. I don't know what the rules are if I can. sing. I can't really sing it right. Sing it. [Applause]. There's that part. But then there's. Led Zip won't file a claim for. Yeah. Not for that. I'll just say a cat. got trapped. in a grain fresher. But then, as you.

know, in that song, there's a long break. of just and so everyone's looking at me. So, I'm just girating in this tiny bar. and gyating and gyating and gyating. while the various weird 1969 noises are. playing. It's gone. It's. finally got. and and um I was looking at Chmi and I. was like, "You fucker." And everyone's.

looking at me like, "You need to make. this interesting, but it's impossible.". And then you finally get to the John. Bonuma. But again, that takes a while. It's the. worst song they do karaoke to. Some should not be on that playlist. I. agree. And and Jason Shalmi, wherever you are, I'm not gonna forget that. And I. will pay you back in kind. Oh, he's the only one who could pull. that off. So true. I have the whole thing on video. Uh, I. will say also it was Jeff Ross's. birthday. We celebrated Jeff Ross'.

birthday. That's right. That's right. That's why we did karaoke. Is that why. we did it? That's right. It was Jeff's birthday. Jeff Ross's birthday. And Jeff said, "I. want um. I want a whole lot of love in a very. small bar." And again, there were people. in the bar, regular patrons, who just. could have cared less about any of us. Yeah. They had no idea. This is a photo. of Conan just sitting there as it says. musical break 12 measures. Yes, 12 measures. And you know what I.

did? I sat down. I sat down and I I look like when. someone's about to be executed by a. firing squad and they allow them to sit. in a chair. Yes. I'm like Gary Gilmore just sitting there. waiting for it to stop. Accepting your fate. Yeah. Uh but anyway, um I meet a fan. there who lives in very remote. conditions and that's worth watching. Off the grid. Yes. Uh, so that was uh fun. It was a. very, again, none of these two shows are. alike because these countries are all so.

different. And um, I stress there are a. lot of travel shows out there. I promise. you, you will learn nothing from my. travel show. In fact, my travel show, as and I've. said this before, it robs you of any. knowledge you may have had of that. country. It is a protein that eats at. the brain. But I think it's funny. I. think I like to think it's funny. I hope. it's funny. And um. there's a couple of Easter eggs in it. Couple of Easter eggs. Oh my god. I get to do another dramatic. turn. A lot of people right now are If.

you like The Pit. with Noah Wy. If you like The Pit with. Noah Wy, watch uh my travel show. on Max because let's just say u New. Zealand has their own version of The. Pit, which is just as gripping and. intense. and I get to act in it. Mhm. And um you get to really see my. acting chops. Exactly. And I think Noah Noah Wy. should fear me. He should fear if he.

because if he saw this I think he would. immediately. That's why they rushed the pit on TV if. it wasn't ready yet and they they they. caught wind you were on Shortland. Street. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of the basic sound. editing hasn't been done on the pit. The. pit was going to cover a week at the. hospital and they found out you were. coming and they said, "Let's make it.". Donan's doing Shortland Street in New. Zealand and he blows Noah Wy out of the. water. So what they did is they just quickly. made it a day a day. and instead of having all the script. ready, they just a lot of it is just.

people reading medications. and contraindications. Uh, well, I um I want to thank you guys. again and and again a shout out that. you're here with me, but Mike Sweeney, Jose A Royal, and accent on there. Yes, I I thought that was important. Uh, and um, of course, Jesse Gascal and uh, so glad that you guys, they you guys. work so hard to make these shows come. out. And a shout out to the whole team.

Uh, Bl of course you were there. Um, Eduardo and Adam, you're in the studio, but you did nothing for these shows. Uh, Chalemi, shout out to you, Jeff Ross. Uh, I have I'm very lucky to have you. guys, and I'm going to say that. Um, and. then I'm going to quickly make a joke. about. um you guys being awful and a load stone. around my neck. or edited out. Shout out to Beex, our fixer in New. Zealand as well. She put together. and to Beck's beer. Okay. and tox which I probably shouldn't.

do because uh it doesn't matter. We do. have a Millerite guy to fix her. Yeah, Miller Lightite is the one who. found Abby how so. this is a segment called Too Much. Information. and also it's the end credit Hyundai. Excel company for they were amazing. renting us a car. The Kia bird. You were you were hilarious in many. different ways on listen I'm a painter. who uses many different colors. Yes. Yes. Yes. which which is my way of. saying funny in different ways. Um. anyway, check it out. It's on Max.

two dimensional. Uh there are two episodes now out. Uh. last week was uh of course Spain. Uh and uh this week is uh New Zealand. and uh you can tune in next week. We'll. be doing a podcast about the third. episode in the Conan O'Brien Musco. series and we'll see you then.