Conan Learns About Autopsies | Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan

Another big part of pathology that, you know, most people know about is doing autopsies. Like we're the people who do the autopsies. I don't do them now Wait. in my current job, but that's something that I had to do in my training. And I learned how to do it. Wait. You've done autopsies. I've done 70 of them. Well, have you ever done any while listening to this show? No, that was because I did those autopsies. back when I was training. So your podcast was not on. Wasn't on yet? Yeah. So you were just, you were watching old episodes of Gilligan's island.

(laughing). You were watching reruns of "The Office". while you were deboning someone. Listen, Yaman. Yeah. Yes. I'm fascinated by autopsies. Yeah. I'm a very ghoulish man. I know you are. (laughing) Yeah. I'm fascinated by it. What's it like to do an autopsy? Yeah Can you just, I mean, first of all, did you completely start to disassociate yourself. from the fact that this is a person? At a certain point are you just working with. what feels to you like a piece of furniture? I mean, no.

Not a piece of furniture, but I mean, you have to like, not have emotions when you're doing it because. you want to do a good job. Yeah like a piece of, yeah. Yeah. Like piece of furniture. Like a piece of furniture. No, I'm saying. I'm not, listen. I'm just, I'm first of all, in interviewing you Yes. I am opening up a window into my soul, which is that I don't really connect with humans. (laughing). It's actually interesting. When I walked into my first autopsy, I thought I was gonna throw up. I thought I was gonna be nervous.

I thought I was gonna hate it, but I was completely fine. So maybe, maybe I'm a sociopath. Yeah. But you know what? We need sociopaths in entertainment. We need them in entertainment almost exclusively. And we also need them. in the fields of pathology and medicine. Yeah, exactly. So, but yeah, you just, you know, like you focus on one organ at a time and. you forget everything else. How often can you. look at the person on the table? And pretty much guess what happened? I mean, if a lamppost.

is sticking through their chest, you know, right? I'm guessing the lamppost. going through his chest at 80 miles an hour. was probably- That's probably. what killed him. Was probably what killed him or her. But if, are there times when you just look at the body. and go like, aah, I feel like this is gonna be the heart. or I'm pretty sure it's gonna be the liver. I mean most of the ones that I did were like hard. and you have to open the body and look. through every organ to figure out. what caused a person's death. Because you know, autopsies are divided into forensic and medical.

So forensic autopsies are done. at the medical examiner office. And you know, the ones that they show on CSI, but obviously not real life autopsies. are not like that. A lot more crude. [Conan] I see. A lot fewer answers. You know? I see. You know, these TV shows show you these autopsies. as if it's like the magic thing. that will give you all the answers. It's not like that. You mean, so, there are a lot of autopsies.

where it's just inconclusive. Exactly. A lot of them. Yes. So, and then I did, what I did mostly were medical autopsies. So someone dies at home without anyone, you know, witnessing that. Or someone dies within a few hours of being admitted. to the hospital. So you need to figure out why they died. Now, I'm gonna stick to this point. You're saying many autopsies are inconclusive? Yes, definitely. You meaning, were I to murder. (laughing). Oh, okay we're going here. Of course, of course.

Were I to murder [Yaman] Yes? there's a good chance. I wouldn't be caught. because many autopsies are inconclusive. Unless you did it with a lamppost. Yes. No, but what I'm saying is I think we've been taught. by these crime shows that we watch. "Forensic Files," for example, that if there's any foul play, the coroner's gonna catch you. That's true. You're making it very clear to me right now that, no, I have like a 70% chance of getting away with it, If I'm somewhat clever. Is that what you're saying? And is that what you're saying to my listeners as well?

And is that what you're saying on the record? The record, and something that can be taken. to the state licensure board. To the court. Yeah, by yourself. We also would like you to sue yourself. So yeah. Report myself, sue myself, and just lock myself up then. You're fine. You're a very chipper guy, who's destroying his own career. While laughing. In front of us. While laughing, which is... Have you ever- Yes. Have you ever been doing an autopsy.

and you're down there and you're in the chest cavity. and then you look up almost to a camera that's not there, and said this was murder. (laughing). Have you ever done that? I wish. You wish? Do you want to do it right now? You could look down and then look right up to us. and say, and say. And show us how you would do it. Yaman say "this was murder.". All right. So I'm like going through the chest. and I like, take out the heart. This is murder.

(laughing). That was good. [Conan] That's fantastic. That was really good. [Yaman] Was that good? Yaman, that was really good. Okay. Especially holding up That was really good. the heart like that. Yeah. I love that you held it up to the light. and you went, "this is murder.". (laughing). I still prefer the past tense. This was murder, but that's fine. Oh sorry, sorry. I think what Yaman is saying. is he just ripped the heart out of a live human being. (laughing). He committed the murder. The guy was in there for an infected tooth. He though you were a dentist. And ended with his heart. You pulled his heart.

out of his chest and said "this is murder.". Which, wow. That is fascinating.