Conan Is Living Off Of Hailey Bieber’s Skin Glaze Erewhon Smoothie | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

I'm going through a little bit of a. unusual moment right now which is um my. wife is out of town and my kids are. away. They're in school. And so I am. living alone in the house. with my two dogs and uh my daughter's. cat and or our two dogs and my. daughter's cat. And um it's just. becoming clear to me that I don't know. very basic things like how to feed.

myself and I don't cook. and you know li I'm just. you can't use like a delivery app. Can. you probably. Well, you know what I in in the past I. used to like call my son and say can you. get me a hamburger and he would do it. I. am using a delivery app. but I won't mention which one it is. unless they give us some money. Yeah. But anyway, um. I know which one cuz I get the email. confirmation. You get the email confirmation. You know. what he's eating? So I I I I try not to check. I want to.

give you some privacy, but then I do. anyway. And I uh. What do you mean? Like. that's so weird that you know what I'm. eating. I know. But have you noticed that lately? So I'm. I'm at home alone. Robbers, I'm at home. alone. Um. was Liza protecting you? She was. Liza's a badass ninja. But I'm. realizing like Liza is so I mean amazing. in a lot of ways but but when you I. don't even notice it but I come in the.

door and she just she's cooking she's. there's food there's or if we are. ordering she's ordered it it's all you. know what I mean it's just and I've. become I've reverted back to when I was. a comedy writer in the 1980s. and I was just on my own and I would be. coming I I just ate fast food. Uh, this. is before delivery. Sometimes I wouldn't. eat for a long time cuz I mean I'm I'm. stupid. I I'm to it. I'm a 19-year-old boy in a lot of ways.

and uh. Oh, no. Yeah. I I am. And so my wife is away for. the time being and I I'm stunned that. I'll And I'm not joking. Last night just. hanging around the house. I had fed the. I can feed the dogs cuz they have dogs. Okay, so I fed the dogs. Took care of. the cat. No, the cat can fend for. itself. The cat has its own app. Um, no,

I you know, I took care of the cat. The. cat, uh, everything's fine with them. I. can take care of them. And then I open. the refrigerator and because of the. fires, all of we're starting fresh with. all our food. Like, you know, we we. weren't in our house for a long time and. a lot of the food had to be thrown out. So, there's very little in the. refrigerator. And I open the. refrigerator and there's like two of. like chocolate milk energy drinks. And I I I just had one of those and then. tried to pretend that was dinner. Oh,

and that was at like 4:00 in the. afternoon. Oh, no. And I was like, well, that should do it. And then a couple hours later, I'm like, huh, I don't think that does it. And then I took some almond butter and I. put it on a piece of bread. And I. thought, I think jelly goes with this, doesn't it? This is stuff 5-year-olds. know. And then I had that, but it wasn't. even a sandwich. I just rolled one piece. of bread into a taco and ate that. standing up. I mean, it's just I'm over.

60 years old. I've had some. accomplishments in my life. And then I. went back and then I'm going through the. app like I do know I'm looking at the. app and there's just so many. so many choices I don't know what to do. and then I start to think well there's. one more of those energy drinks. the one I had before and I had that. again. So I had two energy drinks. Can you cook and anything? No. Really? There's nothing. No. You know what I can do? I can do. breakfast. Okay. So do you but when you wake up you.

don't you don't do breakfast? No. I can make breakfast. Uh a lot. I. can make breakfast. Yes, you said that. three times. I can make your honor, I. wish to state that I can feed myself at. breakfast. Lunch is a little easier. Uh oh boy, did. I do something okay? I stayed home. yesterday. So, I was at home the whole. day myself and I didn't have any. breakfast. I don't know why. And again,

I'm I'm rattling around the house. I'm. playing with the dogs. I'm walking them. And then I I. I drove around in my pickup truck and I. went and I parked on the street and I'm. walking down the street and I see an. arrowan and I go in and I wait in the. line and then I look at the smoothies. and I panic and get the only smoothie I. know which is the Haley Bieber smoothie. that made an appearance on this podcast. before. and so I said I didn't want to say I'll. have the Haley Bieber smoothie so I went. I'll have that raspberry one and the guy.

was like the Haley Bieber smoothie and I. went the raspberry one and he went you. want the Haley fever skin exfoliating. This is like when you have to buy. tampons for your. wife. Is that what you want? The one. that makes your skin glow so that Justin. Bieber loves you even more. And I went, "I'll just have the raspberry one.". Oh my god. And then he said, "What name?" And I was. going about to use a different name and. I went, "Nope, don't do that. That's. stupid. I just said Conan." So then uh I.

wait near the thing and then they went. Cohan. Cohan. I'm like, I just I just hoax at the. Oscars. It's Conan and I want the Haley. Bieber smoothie. They didn't get her name wrong. No. And. it said Cohan C O H A N on it. And then. I went and I sat alone at this little. table and it's the most embarrassing. looking smoothie you've ever seen cuz. it's got little swirls of red and then. there's like a creamy swirl. And I sat. there and I'm like slurp slurp slurp.

slurp. Why did you sip it there? because I. panicked and I sat and there's a big. picture window and bang bang bang. against the window and I look out and. there's a guy like a fan goes gives me. the big thumbs up and I have the straw. in my lips and I'm going slurp slurp and. I gave a thumbs up back slurp slurp and. then another fan bang bang bang bang. slurp slurp and I gave the okay sign. they're all running home I saw Conan. eating the hay Bieber.

skin exfoliating. oh wow Wow. Nature giving ovulation. life to come home soon. I know. I mean, I swear to God. It's not going to last. Please, can someone someone just find. out where I live and come into the house. and cook for me? Yeah. And it's going to bring you Haley. Bieber. I know. I'm going to go get like a blood test. and they're going to say, "Your body is. just made." They're going to look up and. go from the microscope and go, "Have you. been just living off of Haley Bieber.

smoothies?" because I'm her doctor and. you have the exact same DNA makeup. and your skin looks amazing. Sir, you have breasts now. You're leaving. I leave with a training. bra. My lips are all plump. Suddenly, people. are saying, "You should model.