Conan Gets Tips On How To Get Away With "The Perfect Murder" | Conan O'Brien Needs A Fan

I want to get right into this because. you are from Framingham, Massachusetts, which is not far from where I grew up in. in old Brooklyn, Massachusetts. And. where are you right at this moment? >> At this moment, I'm in Framingham. You're in Framingham in Yeah. >> in my office/playroom. >> Okay, cool. And this is. >> And real quick, we have someone special. here with us today. >> Yeah, very special. Uh, >> is it me? >> Yes, it is you. [laughter]. Uh, please introduce our friend. Well, Andy Daly, who was on the podcast, is.

joining us as well for this fan episode. So, Peter, meet Andy. Hello, Peter. >> Hello, Andy. Pretty incredible to to. meet all three of you. This is uh this. is great. Big fan of all three, including a review I watched um when. that came out. I loved that. >> Oh, Conan loves this. Conan loves a. compliment for me. >> Keep going, Peter. Keep going. >> Keep going. >> What else? Did you happen to see Yogi. Bear the motion picture? [laughter]. That was in 3D.

I am enraged by anyone getting a. compliment. Uh even my children, but. [laughter]. but not Andy Daly, who uh is a true. genius. But um I am fascinated. Yes, I'm. very happy that Andy's joining us. But. you, sir, work for the DNA Innocence. Project. And this fascinates me because. I want to get away with the perfect. murder one day. one day very soon. And. this involves you, Andy. >> Is that what you think of when you hear.

the DNA innocence project is how can you. get away with the perfect murder? >> Yes. >> This is noble work, Conan. >> Well, I know they're helping people and. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I've got to get away with the perfect. murder. [laughter]. >> Doesn't you just saying you want to get. away with the perfect murder mean you're. never going to get away with the perfect. murder? >> I'm trusting that no one's listening. right now. >> Well, that's fair. >> Um, okay. Well, Peter, let's get serious. for a second. This is incredible work. that you do. Tell us a little bit about. it. It uh it's it's obviously this is.

science-based, but there's also uh the. law. Are are you a practicing lawyer as. well? >> Yes. Yep. Um so that's what I I uh it's. the it's actually the public defenders. office innocence program um for the. statewide um instance program. So I'm a. DNA litigator essentially. Um, I'm kind. of uh focused on DNA, but there are um. few other attorneys, including the. director of the program, who focus on. everything having to do with a wrongful.

conviction, including police misconduct, um, eyewitness, bad eyewitness. testimony, stuff like that. But, uh, my. focus is is DNA and trying to get DNA. testing to to prove innocence. I mean, DNA is uh and and the science of DNA DNA. detection is really a godsend because um. we're able to now solve these crimes and. prove people innocent when that wasn't. possible 25 years ago. >> Yeah, absolutely. It's really incredible.

uh how far it's come just even in the. last 10 years. They've made a lot. But. yeah, there's um there's a lot of there. are a lot of cases that are from the. 80s, '9s that, you know, people have. been incarcerated for, you know, 30. years, uh 40 years, and thanks to DNA, the discriminating power of like. figuring out that one person that it is. or isn't. It's pretty incredible um that. we're able to test those things now and. get somebody out. I think if you if you.

did not commit a murder, you should not. go to jail for it, right? And you should. be led out of jail for the murder that. you didn't commit it. But I'm not so. sure. >> Wait a minute. Wait a minute. [laughter]. >> Take. bold take. >> I think that's insane. >> In my opinion, if you've been in jail, >> someone's got to be in prison. >> But this is what I'm [laughter] saying. I mean, that space that we have built. for people to be in prison, you got to. put someone in there. >> I absolutely agree. >> Whether they did it or they didn't do. it. >> No, but [laughter] I'm saying the. opposite. I disagree. If you've been in. jail for like 40 years for committing a. murder and then it turns out you didn't.

do it. I in my opinion they should let. you out of jail. However, >> another bold take. >> I don't think necessarily the person who. did do it should I mean if you get away. with something for like 40 years you. should they should be able to you know. just pat him on the back and say. congratulations. >> You think you think statute of. limitations on murder. >> It's more than that. You're actually. saying like you deserve something for. your winess or something. >> I think so. So not just like a reward. Not just you don't not just you don't go. to prison, but you also get a new car.

>> A new car would be great. I mean, anybody could use it, [laughter]. >> but I think some kind of acknowledgement. that you are the top you are in the top. echelon of smart people in our in our. world that you got away with a murder. for 40 years. You'll lock somebody like. that up. >> No, I I think you bring up uh a very bad. point. [laughter]. Um, but but this is I mean it really is. incredible. >> Wait a minute. What? >> Spoken like someone who's gotten away. with murder for a long time. [laughter].

>> That's true. >> I'm just saying if you like killed. somebody in college, whatever, just. because [laughter] a bunch of guys were. out and it seemed like a fun thing to. do. If [laughter]. >> all these years later, you're 55 years. old, you have a family, you're. successful in show business, you work in. comedy. >> Yeah. You work in comedy or whatever. And you a new car would be great. [laughter]. >> Anyone could use it. >> Um, Peter, did you ever think The Innocence.

Project could be so funny? I mean, this. is the important thing. [laughter] Um, >> it's just good time. It's good to laugh. Laughs are the cure for everything. Um, okay. Well, so [laughter]. here's the question. What are the best. ways? Because I do want to get some real. information, then back to your idiocy, Andy. Um, but the best ways to uh what. are the best sources of DNA? Is it. saliva? Is it blood? Is it semen? Uh, is. it hair? What are the best ones? Is it.

DNA? [laughter]. >> Yeah, just DNA in a bottle. >> DNA. >> The very best that Yeah. Because it just. stays around so long is is bone. But. that's not what we really see in our. work for like what we'll see in a case. Usually, it's going to be blood. uh. semen. Those are probably hair now. Uh. that's kind of more recent as far as. >> people don't leave behind bone at the. scene of a [laughter]. of the crimes that they commit. That's. I'm the. >> You know what I love? I love a guy who's.

back from a crime and he's really smart. He's like, "Well, the perfect murderer.". Well, damn it. Where's my tibia? [laughter]. >> I have to sneak back in and get my. tibia. I need to limp back in [laughter] and. put my tibia back in this leg bone sack. >> You're telling me the bone man killer. leaves one of his bones at every murder. scene? How is this man walking around? So, wait a minute. You can I didn't. realize bone was such a good uh source.

of DNA. For how long? If could you prove. that like a triceratops killed. [laughter] a Stegosaurus? At what point can you find the bone, but. there's no DNA? >> That's a good question. And I don't know. the answer to that. >> And do you agree with me that it would. be pointless to put that triceratops in. jail at this point? [laughter]. >> And and that triceratops that. triceratops should get a car. >> Yes. [laughter]. >> A specially made car. >> Hey, that triceratops is chewing around. that new Nissan Leaf.

>> Oh, you haven't heard about him? [laughter]. >> Uh, we're idiots and we apologize, but. at the same time, we're doing what we. do. And these are the murders we commit. These are called comedy crimes. [laughter]. But we're right to commit a crime. Uh. it's almost impossible not to shed. something. I've got a lot of hair, rather distinctive hair. Um you It's. very hard not to shed some DNA. Maybe. even impossible cuz aren't we shedding. skin cells all the time? I know I am.

[laughter]. >> That was had a sexual conation and it. doesn't compute. He's so proud of the. skin cells. >> How was the party? pretty good. I'm. pretty sure I left some dead skin there. >> What do you think conception is? [laughter]. >> I'm sorry. Uh, Peter, please continue. I. mean, isn't it kind of impossible not to. leave some DNA? >> Yeah, it I mean, like you said, shedding. So, skin cells, if you touch. anything, you're going to leave some. touch DNA, some skin cells back there. Wherever you're touching, you're going.

to hair is going to fall out. Saliva, if. you're talking, um, you know, that could. come out. >> I just had an idea. I would have myself. laminated before I committed a murder. [laughter]. Fed into one of those laminating. machines that does business cards and. stuff. >> So, you leave no DNA, but a guy walks. into a building who's completely. laminated completely. >> and expects to get away [laughter] with. >> kind of hops shuffle hops in be a little. loud. >> Um, can I come in please? >> Uh, no. >> Could you um kill yourself? I can't like.

[laughter]. >> can't move my hands. Yeah, we're just shedding stuff all the. time. It's incredible. It's incredible. [laughter]. >> Mhm. >> No, it's true. We just can't uh you. know, and and the other thing is um I. guess a big problem is you the police. come to a crime scene and they leave. their own DNA. They're eating their. donuts and they're, you know, walking. around with their nightsticks and. saying, "Move it along now. Move it. along." So, they contaminate a scene.

So, you have to make sure you you that. their DNA doesn't mess stuff up, right? >> Yeah. Uh yeah, absolutely. Bla mentioned. that that he could he had the idea of. bringing in a spray bottle of blood or. like a I don't know like a garden hose. or semen or something like garden. >> Well, I was just saying if semen lasts a. long time, you could you potentially. carry a ziplockc bag full of a lot of. different kinds of semen and then just. throw it around. >> Hey, I've got that. [laughter]. I've been wondering what to do with it. I've got nine different kinds of semen.

in a bag in my garage. Different kinds? [laughter] Yes, >> I jerked off a grasshopper. [laughter]. >> This one's called Wet Velvet. This one's. called. >> Different Strings called the Opal. Avenger. [laughter] And. [laughter]. >> well, um I I feel I feel bad because. you're doing really good work, Peter. >> We [laughter] haven't even let the guy.

talk. >> We haven't even let you talk because I. just said I jerked off a grasshopper. >> [laughter]. >> And um [laughter] you're a really smart, good man who's trying to help people. And we're awful. We're just awful. people. >> None of us can watch Dumbo ever again. [laughter]. >> Or I need to see it right away. Pick your poison. Peter, um [snorts] uh. I'm I'm curious. Uh, and I'm desperately. trying to keep this on an even heel, but.

is the science, it just keeps advancing. I would guess that it's just going to. get better and better and better. Is. that correct? >> Yeah, it is. I mean, there's new stuff. coming out now about, you know, we've. been able to for the last few years get. something from uh 7 trillionths of a. gram of material and take that and and. turn that into a DNA profile. And. [snorts] now we're at the point where we. can take, you know, some fractured DNA. and then run that through your family.

tree and figure out, okay, well, this. person from that family was in that area. around the time. >> Wow. >> And sort that. It's pretty It's amazing. stuff. >> There's something that fascinates me. I. I listen to I'm a history buff. I also. enjoy. um crime stuff and um I listened to a. very long podcast recently about the. Lindberg kidnapping and um in the 1930s.

Charles Lindberg's son is kidnapped from. the home and they got some ransom notes. and many people for a long time have. said the person who was convicted and. sent the electric chair Bruno Hman. possibly didn't do it. And there's one. way they could really tell is if they. took the stamps off of the envelopes, which they still have in New Jersey. They still have the stamps, and test. that DNA, it might it wouldn't maybe.

exclude Hman, but if his DNA is on one. of the stamps, they know that he. definitely was one or the only person. who uh who committed the crime. And the. New Jersey refuses to do it. >> Why? >> They won't. They just they won't say, but they just say we don't want to do. it. I suspect it's because what if they. test it and there's a chance that Bruno. Hman didn't write any of those notes.

They sent this guy out of the electric. chair. Um I I but everyone's dead. >> Why not? And I don't know why they do. it. And I think they've sometimes said, "Well, we it's a historic document. We. don't want to destroy to test the DNA. They'd have to destroy some evidence, but I don't understand why they. wouldn't. You could find out. They could. find out. They could test it today and. and tell us what the answer is in a. couple of weeks. >> Yeah. I mean, and we actually see that. kind of a lot um in our work where we're. kind of asking DA's offices u.

prosecution offices to test something. because part of the process is getting. them to to agree to it or, you know, fighting about that in court. And a lot. of the time they're saying, "No, we just. we we don't think that we should.". >> Yeah. Because basically. sometimes it's we worked really hard. We've got this person. We think we have. a pretty good They're in prison. We. don't It's a It would be naturally a. frightening thing for them. It shouldn't.

be, but a frightening thing for them to. maybe admit, "Oh he didn't do it. She didn't do it." That would be So. they'd rather just not find out. I I. mean sometimes they have other reasons. too like in the grand calculus of the. case does it actually matter that much. or not? I mean in this one obviously um. that would be helpful to know. I think I. got I think the question for New Jersey. is you know do they think that the. science isn't there cuz saliva can. deteriorate uh faster as far as a DNA.

biological sample. So, you know, do they. think that they can use the science. probably the newest science that I just. was talking about kind of like um. getting little fragments of DNA? Maybe. they could do. But. >> it is something that you we we try to to. fight for getting that testing just like. what uh they should be doing with the. envelope stamp. >> This is why when I send a letter, I use. blood and semen on the stamp. >> Oh, no. Not going to help you at all. >> Oh, you're right. It's the worst thing I.

can do. >> And it also takes so much time. [laughter]. What kind of semen though? >> And which goes first? >> Well, as long as you have a cricket. handy [laughter]. and a little cricket porn. >> Um, cricket porn. I show it on a little. projector [laughter]. to a cricket. Oh, for Christ's sake. [laughter]. >> We were doing so well, too. For. >> No, we weren't. >> No. Oh, you're right. [laughter] Well, no. I think my. >> Oh, for a second there. >> For a second there, I think we were on. an even keel. >> On New Jerseyy's behalf. New Jersey.

doesn't have a lot of cool stuff. >> You're from New Jersey. >> I'm from New Jersey. >> So, you don't think they have the. science that the rest of the world has? >> These envelopes are pretty cool. These. are like the Lindberg baby kidnapper. envelopes, >> right? Cuz they got Billy Joel and these. stamps and that's about it. >> They don't really have Billy Joel. He's. out there on Long Island. >> Sorry. You're right. [laughter]. >> They don't even have Billy Joel. >> They don't even have Billy Joel. New. Jersey has nothing. >> Oh, no. That's not true. They had Bruce. Springsteen for a while, but he just. bought an island in Cree and uh he's now. a Greek citizen. So, everyone's getting.

out of New Jersey. >> Yeah. >> His last album was all about how amazing. it is in Greece. >> And they say he's lost his touch with. his fans. >> Creek girl, [laughter]. >> the Aian Blues [laughter] Mitch born in. the Parthonon. >> I'll edit that out. [laughter]. >> No, I don't think you will. >> I will. >> Why? >> You'll see. >> No, come on. Leave it in. It's good. stuff. I enjoyed it and now us talking. about it makes it even better. >> I'll edit all this out.

>> None of us are going to be trace. >> How about you leave us and you take out. Peter [laughter]. >> all his good work and it's just us. jerking off crickets and [laughter]. singing born in the parthonon. Um, I think what I'm learning is it's just. good not to commit a crime because with. the science and you'd think I'd have. learned that from my early Christian uh. teachings, but no, none of that stuck. I. just really wasn't paying attention. I. thought that none was hot. Uh, but since.

then, I I I just think it's who commits. a crime now because you're going to. leave the. >> Oh, people do do it. >> Oh, still crimes are still happening. >> I think so. Yeah, people do commit. crimes. >> You sure? I think so. >> From time to time, >> are crimes of passion the predominant. type of crime? Like, is premeditated. crime just not as much a thing anymore? >> I don't know. I think it's it's still. certainly a thing. That's good to know. Still happens. Yeah. But they're not I. mean, they're not thinking as thoroughly. as can I, you know, jerk off Grasshopper.

and then use that. >> You know what, Peter? We've ruined you. [laughter]. >> You're now they're going to play this to. discredit you in court. >> I know. OH MY GOD. [laughter]. WELL, ANYWAY, I Peter Tilly believe Oh, you do? Do you? [laughter] We. >> bring that. >> Exhibit A. A grasshopper [laughter] or. cricket. >> A cricket. >> I believe we've invoked both over the. course of this podcast. We've spoken of. grasshoppers and crickets and their. semen. >> Hey, you know what? Thanks for clearing. up something that didn't need [laughter]. to be in any way.

>> in no way needed to be straightened out. [laughter]. I just love you got right in there and. fixed a thing that wasn't broken. I just. wanted to say we've talked about both. and I'd like to say it again. [laughter]. >> The other thing I think that we've come. a long way is that people now understand. DNA science and that it's a real thing. better. I mean, in the OJ trial, it was. still fairly new and you could, you. know, there was some sense that what's. all this medical science gobbledygook. have to do with the fact that uh those. gloves don't fit uh as well as we think.

they should, even though he's wearing. other gloves. He had catcher mits on. when they had they tried those gloves. on. I'm sorry I'm really getting deep. into the case, but I think people should. know it. It's up there with the Lindberg. thing. Um, is there anything you want to. tell us or any questions you have for. us? Because you're an expert in your. area, but look at us. We're an expert in. Oh, I just remembered I just remembered. who we are. [laughter]. >> Yeah. I mean, uh, a big thing that I,

uh, you know, think about or encounter. is I'm having difficult conversations. with people all the time. Um, you know, clients that I'm trying to work with. And, >> um, I'm personally, I I think, you know, comedy and being um, a little bit more. lighter in conversation can go a long. way, especially uh, with somebody who's. kind of living dayto-day uh, behind. bars. and wondering if you have any tips. about maybe how to uh bring comedy into. conversations that I'm having. >> Oh my god. If you're talking to someone.

who's been wrongfully imprisoned and. they're not sure they're going to get. out of prison and you want advice from. us. >> on how to make your conversations with. them when they've got like what is it. one minute on the phone to talk to you. and there's a long line of people behind. them. >> This is a good time for jokes. I think. Yeah. If you're like, "Well, Conan. O'Brien and [laughter]. >> Andy Daly told me.". >> I've got some important information. about your case. But first, a type five. [laughter]. >> I think I can get you out. But holy Oh, we got the evidence back and something I.

got to tell you that's going to change. your life. But first, I was talking. [laughter] to Conan and Andy and Matt. Gorley. Um, I don't know. I I uh I I. don't I I have no advice here on this. because I I feel just ashamed that I'm. talking to you. [laughter]. >> Yeah. I don't know. I don't know how how. you would lighten that moment. >> Yeah. Or even funny voices. Like you. could tell them the things you need to. tell them, but [laughter] like in a. funny voice. >> I might do it. I don't know. Just uh I.

spoke to the attorneys. [laughter]. I don't know. Um, >> the evidence came back and you did it. [laughter]. >> Just like YOUR. >> That's delivering [laughter] the good. news to you. >> Yeah. Have Donald Duck. I mean, have. have [laughter]. Donald Duck say, "Your semen's all over. the place.".

>> [laughter]. >> AND SO IS mine cuz I don't wear pants. now. >> I don't want to buy. [laughter]. >> The prisoner gets off and he's crying. He's [laughter] laughing so hard and he. gets back to his cell and his cellmate's. like, "Oh, good news. No, terrible. [laughter] news. BUT DONALD DUCK TOLD ME." OH, >> PETER, I think we've changed your life.

forever. >> You have? In the best way. >> Next time I My brother lives in uh in. NITK and I've got I've got family all. over Massachusetts. So, the next time. I'm back, maybe we'll bump into each. other. That'd be cool. >> That'd be wonderful. That'd be. wonderful. I appreciate it. >> I want to shed some dry skin on you. [laughter]. >> I'm going to grab a when I see you, I'm. going to grab I'm going to keep a lofah. in my back pocket. [laughter]. It's like a guy that put shreds cheese. onto your pasta. [laughter]. I'm going to come over and here's a. little something for you. Take that to.

the lab. >> Yeah. Plant this on a crime scene, you. >> Peter, this was a delight. Thank you so. much and keep doing great work. >> Thank you guys. Thank you very much.