Conan Conducts A Staff Review With Writer Laurie Kilmartin | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Okay, in the past, this slot has usually. been a time when I would talk to fans. around the world. Uh but today is a. little different. I'm going to uh talk. to someone who's definitely not a fan of. mine. Um no, we've been doing this lately and. I'm really uh enjoying it. Uh Oscars are. coming up soon. As we uh tape this, it's. uh I think it's about 3 weeks away. And. um we've been working very hard. I'm. working with an incredible team of. writers, many of them I've worked with.

for a long time. And I've been having them come upstairs. and chat with me a little bit. And um. it's been really fun. And that continues. today with Laurie Kilmartin. Laurie, thank you for coming on. Uh. >> Oh, I hope it continues today. >> Yes, yes. Um that's it. You're out. No, Laurie. >> It was all right. It was fun. >> Get back down there. Um Laurie, uh you are an incredible. stand-up comedian and you've worked with.

me for a long time. And um always done. an incredible job and worked with me on. the Oscars last year. And Laurie has a. very uh special uh role, which is. Laurie, because she's a great stand-up, she's the one that has become my life. coach when I go out into the world and. try Oscar jokes out. >> Oh, yeah. >> So, Laurie's the one that says, "We're. going to get you out there now, Conan.".

I say, "All right, okay.". And um you're very verbally abusive. And. then you uh you've been picking all. these amazing spots. Some of them I've. been to before, some of them I haven't. >> Yeah. >> And it's really fun. Um but you are so. dialed into these places and then you. watch me do my set and you have great. instincts about which ones work, which. ones may need a tweak, which ones. probably go by the wayside. But let's let's go back.

to the beginning, which is you. uh. come to my attention. How did that. happen? I'm trying to remember. >> Ooh, well, I started on the TBS show. So, I think I think that's a I I That. was my third packet. I think I'd done a. packet for The Tonight Show and Late. Night, too. So, the third one worked, I. guess. >> Yeah. Well, Tonight Show there wasn't a. lot of time there. >> Yeah, I don't know if you got a writer. reading. >> Hey, I was starting to open the envelope. when that thing blew up. But and. subsequently when you first came to work.

for me, I had not seen your stand-up. And then we toured together and I got to. see your your stand-up every night, which is phenomenal. Just phenomenal. >> Oh, thanks. Uh I I don't know. Like I. look back and like, "Oh, that bit was. still I was still working on it. It got. sharper." And uh but I'm glad you liked. what you saw. >> you have that kind of mind, you're never. going to say, "Oh, yeah, thanks." You're. going to say, "Uh This was. But um I'm telling you, it was. phenomenal. And uh.

and you have such a good eye and ear. that you've been. uh just a great help to me uh in terms. of. um what stuff works, how to tweak a. joke, when something isn't hitting the. ear quite right. And that's really. helpful. Um and I'm just curious, when did you decide, "Okay, I'm going to. be a stand-up"? Like this is because. that's a leap that everyone comes to. differently. How did it happen for you?

>> Well, um I would I had sort of I dropped. out of college and I had kind of a. breakdown due to various things all. colliding at once in my head, you know. >> You were a very good athlete. >> I was okay. I was a swimmer. I swam for. UCLA, but I was like it was they were in. a rebuilding phase. Like I would never. make the team now. They're. were like low-level Division I when I. was there and uh and so uh So yeah, and. then I had quit swimming and whatever. >> through this period of your life where.

things are rough. >> Exactly. And then I started to I don't. know. I went and saw some stand-up and. I'm not the only one that who's come to. stand-up this way where where. you see some great stand-up and you're. like, oh, I could never do that. That's. amazing. And then you see someone who's. not good and they're they're on the bill. and you're like, wait a minute. >> Yeah. >> That person's a comic. >> true inspirations. No one ever says. that. The true inspirations are people. like, how did that ass get up there? >> That's exactly exactly. So I saw a bunch.

of that and so I started in San. Francisco cuz I'm from the Bay Area. So. that's where I come. >> Francisco is such a great place for. stand-up. >> Yeah, it's weird. There's this guy named. Oh my god, his name was I forget his. last name. He was a a former porn star. who. and Native American and was like one of. like 11 or 16 children. Some crazy. backstory. But he was the bartender at the Holy. City Zoo and he knew Robin Williams and. he was around when Robin had started to.

and so he was sort of. the mother bird of all of us newer. comics and giving us stage time and tips. and stuff like that. And it and like. even though I don't know, I never had a. bad situation with him even though his. backstory sounds troublesome. >> Yeah. But he. >> John Cantu. >> Yeah, and he saw he saw something in you. and he was like, okay, he was. encouraging. >> Yeah, he was encouraging but he's also. running a class. So anytime someone's. paying, they're always encouraging.

>> But they're encouraging but also they. don't think you're ready JUST YET. >> ONE MORE SESSION. >> into the same thing in improv. Same. thing in improv. You're very good. I. think a little more work. Really? People were really laughing. Yeah. There's 11 more levels. You said this was the last one. I forgot. about the other 11. So just make that check out, too. Um, so you're doing that and. um.

you had you worked on television shows. before? Had you written for other. comics? Cuz that's a very different. thing. You write for yourself and then. writing for someone else's voice. >> Yeah, it is a big It is a big thing and. um it's weird because you can definitely. separate those two voices. There's never. been a joke I've written for you or. anybody else that I would have done. myself. Um so I people always think that, you. know, "It must be so hard to give up. that joke." It's like, "No, no, it. didn't would not work in my act about me.

complaining about being a mother, you. know.". >> It's really funny. Yeah, many times I've seen you do. >> Conan's like, "I'm not a single mom. Why. does she keep giving me this stuff?". I tried it last night. It killed. >> Um. yeah, it's it's fascinating to me cuz. that's another fun thing I get to do if. I see you or Brian Kiley tell a really. funny joke, I get to say, "Owned.". Owned. Too funny for me, huh? Like, "Why. didn't you give me that?" You're like, "You idiot.".

You never breastfed. Oh. Oh. Oh, you're right. You're right. >> Kiley did though, so he. he deserves to tell it. >> Yeah, exactly. I breastfed Kiley. Um. >> What the. >> Hey. >> One jag, two. >> Yeah. I always go too far. Um no, it's uh I'm curious. uh I know that you. um I don't do the late night my late. night show anymore and um I I think so.

while ago uh Jimmy Kimmel contacted me. and he was asking me about this Laurie. Kilmartin and I said, "You are an. absolute fool if you do not hire Laurie. Kilmartin." She. >> believe that conversation happened. >> She is the best. She is the best. Um, but Jimmy was high at the time and. forgot and then I had to call him and. tell him again. He was like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.". Uh, but. um. So, you've been killing it uh not just. for for me, but for Jimmy as well. And. now we're once again working on the.

Oscars and I'm curious. How do you think it's going so far? We're getting We're getting close. >> we're way ahead of where we were this. time last year. I think we have a lot. more jokes that are ready. We do and and it's like they could all. change in the next 3 weeks, too. Because. we keep coming up with Yeah, it's I. don't. >> coming up with new ones and then we. always allow for um Last year I remember. the actual show is a moving target. >> Yeah.

>> You can't lock down what you're going to. do a month out because in the world we. live in now, things change day-to-day. >> Right. >> And something that's a joke we might. have thought was really funny. uh in December. is now like, what were we thinking? That's not even something people think. about anymore. That's out of the news. No one cares about that. Um. the big thing I have to fight is. sometimes I just start to get tired of a. joke because I've. it's been with me for a while. >> Right, right, right. >> always been a little bit my issue when.

we when we toured together and I had a I. don't know, like a 40-minute stand-up. hunk. >> Yeah. >> I remembered sometimes being, I don't. want to say that again. I said that last. night. Um. so. I think that's one of the luxuries I've. always had is just riffing foolishly. about different things and I get bored. if I have to say the same thing over and. over and over again. >> fact, there's one joke you told last. night, I'm like, oh, you got to give. that one a rest for a little bit because. I think you are tired of it, you know?

So, but I won't say it now, but yeah. >> Right. Um that's good. We should try. them all out right NOW AND THEN. >> YEAH, let's do it! >> Then everyone's really all the writers. are really mad at me. You just. >> That thing went out. >> You just burned 80 jokes. >> You just burned 80 jokes. Yeah, that can happen where I just start. to feel. it's almost like my brain becomes overly. familiar with it and it's no it when. something's no longer magical and fun to. me, um. I can't fake it. >> Well, yeah, plus with you every night.

you you've told different jokes. So you. you aren't used to going up and doing. the same jokes and then finding like. trying to take 2 months to find a tag or. something like that, you know? So for. you it's it's got to feel really really. repetitive. >> I love the joking around between the. jokes so much. >> I know. >> that. sometimes I'm getting off on some jag. and people in the club are liking it and. I'm sure you guys are watching saying, "We're trying to try out these jokes and. you're going off on a 10 minutes about. your brother Neil and you're getting.

laughs and so you're getting drunk off. of it. Get to the jokes.". >> But I I do think that's what's so great. about doing these little sets is is. you're clicking into your stage persona. which is different from podcast and. bursting into the writers room and uh. >> know that it's that different from. bursting into the writers room. Bursting. into the writers room is sort of more of. my like MMA persona. >> Yeah. Yeah, but it but it it it gets it. gets that very unique muscle, you know, going again and and because you can't. like do 10 minutes about Neil at the.

Oscars. >> Oh, I'm going to. >> That would be amazing. >> You just see. Timothy Chalamet and Brad Pitt streaming. out. People who are up for an Oscar leaving. early. Okay, so he bought a lot of televisions. >> Trust me. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> But you get it out of that part out of. your system now, but you also get that. muscle ready for when you're in the big. show. And then you had some really funny. riffs after the jokes last night that we. all thought would work with the jokes. You did, too. >> Oh, good. So it's a process. I'm really.

loving it. I enjoy. One of the things I enjoy is. um. going to, as I said, some of the places. I've been before, but. there's this ecosystem in LA of all. these cool little spots. Some are way. out in Covina. Some are. I mean really, I mean who lives in. Covina? Oh, hi Eduardo. How are you? Shut up. Shut up. No, no, it's fine, you know. I. have my passport. I uh.

changed my currency. Um. Uh no, no, it's No, but it was and that. was one of my favorite clubs. It's. fantastic. But and uh Chatterbox in in Covina. Um. it's really fun because you get to hang. out with the comics outside. And it's. this. it's very communal. It's really fun. I. like all that young energy. People are. um really nice and then. uh. and and each club is very different. And.

they're places that I'm guessing you've. played all these places. And so. um and you do stand up You do stand up a. lot. >> I do. I do. I try to do it uh. four I'd say four nights a week. >> That's a lot of days. >> But here in LA it's it's like one spot a. night. It's not it's not great. Like in. New York you can do when I go back to. New York I can do like. at least six a night, you know, um on a. Friday or Saturday. And then, you know, one or two at least on a on a.

>> Here it's covering the distances. It's. literally I mean last night I was in uh. was it TGs? >> Yeah, TGs. Yeah. >> TGs. I was at TGs in Atwater Village and. so um. that's a long haul to get to. And but. once you're there. uh it's again really fun. It was great. So. >> great. I mean it was packed and And. great to have people so close to you, you know, just your surround sound of uh. laughter, you know.

>> also It's also fun to be a surprise. >> Yeah. >> There's some somehow the pressure's off. >> Yeah, for sure. >> you know, they're there and then. suddenly I show up and you can always. see them registering. um. you know, uh how I've aged when I first get up. there. >> Oh my god, I don't think so. I don't. think so. I don't think so. I don't. think so. I don't think so. >> it's funny. No, it's just funny how. people are like if there are people that. have only seen you on TV. >> Okay. >> and some of them have been seeing me on. TV since I was you know. >> Right. Or clips are coming up and stuff.

like that. >> up and they just saw me last night. talking to. you know, Mary Lou Retton when I'm 30. >> Oh my god. >> You know what I mean? >> Yeah. >> And I'm. >> But you're also a big presence. Like. you're a big person and you're like. stumbling not stumbling. >> stumble. >> I'm sorry. I know. Well, as soon as I. said it, I was like you're not. stumbling. >> Well, I I maybe I was stumbling. >> Like a giant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, it's. >> Yeah, but it's been it's been uh. >> It's going really well. >> It's been a good time. Now, um it's it. what's really strange this is all behind.

the scenes stuff is we're sort of. we're here at the office. This is where. we do the podcast. This is where we do. the uh. production and. editing for the HBO travel show. We have. all different kind of meetings here on. different projects. It's like our little. Keebler Elf tree. And what's going to. happen in. 2 weeks is we're going to move into. the Dolby Theatre. >> Right. >> And that's going to be I remember that. last year being oh wow, this is real.

We've been living here and imagining. things and then you actually see the. space. and. then we get into. um you know, we ordered some cookie prop. and it shows up. and I'm like we wanted a stuffed mule. and. we didn't. I'm just making this up, but. >> A stuffed mule would be great. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I want one now. >> Get a stuffed mule. >> I know. Yeah. then you're arguing with. really serious talented people about how. the mule should be you pictured it. differently.

And how is it going to fire a rocket out. of its ear? You know, all that kind of. craziness. But that's the part that. where things really level up. >> Yeah. >> Which is exciting. >> And I remember sitting at a rehearsal. last year and a lot of a lot of the. celebrity stand-ins or you know, they. just use you stand-ins and. a stand-in for Ariana Grande started. singing and I'm like, "Oh my god, she. sounds just like Ariana Grande." And it. was her. >> Which I DIDN'T THINK WHAT? >> YES, SHE was at rehearsal singing and it.

was like 25 of us in the audience and. like. >> You thought it was a stand-in. Hey, she's not bad. Did you tell her? You know, maybe you. should try. That's really funny if all of the A-list. celebrities, because they do have actors. often who look nothing like them. And. they all get up. they announce. they don't know who the winner is. But they'll say and the winner is. Timothée Chalamet and then a um you. know, uh.

a black woman will get up on stage, but. she'll give a real speech. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> as Timothée Chalamet and it's kind of. cool. >> Yeah. >> Uh. and. I channel that sometimes because I did. that once. >> Oh. >> that once. I think we talked about this, but I did it years ago at like a VH1. award when I was working on Saturday. Night Live and I heard, "Hey, they need. um seat filler stand-ins for this VH1. award." So I. you know, sat in the audience. We.

weren't working at the time. I think I. got like, I don't know what I got, like. $100 or something, but I went and I sat. in the crowd and then they said, "And. the winner is David Bowie." And I got to. stand up. >> Oh neat. >> and thank everybody and. >> I want to do that. >> It was fun. >> That sounds fun. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You're fired. Now you can go do it. So, yeah, that's going to Things are. going to get real. What else do you. remember from last year? Being. >> Well, what I remember now what we were. all talking about in the mono. team is that we want to make sure we. have big cork boards up in back where we.

are so we can keep track of jokes a. little bit better. I think we were just. like flipping through cards and trying. to Once we. >> like we were doing an illicit three-card. monte game last year. And you think, "This is the Oscars.". >> And I'm performing for all these people. around the world and we're like, "Where's that joke?" I don't know. And. then it's attached to someone's ass and. it has gum on it. >> Right. I mean, we'll have the mono set. but the stuff like you know, that you'll. say later in the show, it's if something. wins or something gets on a streak. I. guess we just want to have that space.

>> that. It's almost like coding. You know, if this movie wins, we have this great. joke. If that movie loses, we have this. great joke. >> Yeah. I remember us just like going, "Wait, we had something." And kind of. panicking and then thought of it at the. last second. But But it'll be nice to. have that a little bit more organized. And I think we hadn't gotten backstage. until. in in our area until the show was. starting in an hour. You know, so we didn't realize Oh, that. would've been nice to have had we had we. thought that. So, you know, that's the.

we'll be doing that better this year, I. think. >> Yeah. It is fun, I have to say. Um it's. a lot of work and it's nerve-racking, but. it is fun. And And then, um you know, you just And then you're always. thinking, "I hope it's a good room.". Last year I was I mean, I. I think last year I was thinking, "Is it. going to be a good room?" And they were. good. >> Yeah, I mean, we had the fires of. course, you know. And then I feel like. at this time last year we were also. awash in Sofia Carson drama.

>> right. We. had Amelia Batten. >> Amelia Perez. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> And, um you know, we were just trying to. figure out again, is that scandal Wait, what's the trajectory now? That's the. big story today, but will it still be. the big story in a week or how do we. handle it? And we wind up. Is she going to be there? And what's a. joke that isn't. doesn't go too far this way or that way. And just it's a lot of. trying to navigate.

>> Yeah. >> You know, let's pitch the sail correctly. so it catches the wind in just the right. way and it's. And we boy, we get into arguments. >> Yeah, for sure. >> Which is probably happening right now. just a floor below us. >> Mhm. Yeah. >> Yeah, my ritual is I like to come I like. to kick the door open. in a very dramatic way and you GUYS ALL. GO. AND THEN I COME IN AND I THINK I WASTE. TIME MOSTLY. >> YOU DO.

>> I DO ALL MY BITS. YOU GUYS ARE patiently. >> Um yeah, we we watched What's What's the. What do we watch yesterday for like a. half hour? Uh. Sarah Jessica Parker the sequel. >> like that. >> Just like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Someone was talking about there's a. something on that show so we watched. that. I said let's call it up and so. we're watching that and then we all. and I said at that moment if someone. from the academy comes by and we're all. watching it just like that and just like.

that they're going to say. we're screwed. But. yeah, we will pull up things on the. internet. I mean it's a typical writer's. room where. >> You have to waste time. I maintain that wasting time. is somehow useful if we're all laughing, but I might just be trying to justify. >> to say I think you're just telling. yourself that so you can waste. everybody's time. And just like that you. guys watch that for a half an hour? It was really enjoyable.

>> A whole episode. >> Yes, okay. There was an episode. specifically that took place in a. stand-up club and. >> Yeah, of a comedy concert? >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think. >> know what you're talking about. >> So, it was just, you know, it's one of. those things where. you know, we start chatting and then the. next thing you know, we're all watching. television. And then I can always tell. that, oh, I should have left 10 minutes. ago. Uh what I try and do is leave on a. laugh. If I get a big laugh, I try and. get out the door fast. But if someone. stops me on the way out the door, then I. think I have to get another laugh. It's terrible.

>> Well, it's the version of a writer's. room what you do on stage when you're. messing around with the audience up. front. It kind of gets your gets that. part of your brain going, but it's not. the official jokes, you know. I think. it's a good reprieve for the brain and. then we all go back to trying to deal. with the the setup that Cinders has 16. Oscar nominations. >> Well, that's the other thing, too, is. we're always looking for premises and. sometimes we look too hard and a writer. will write all these jokes about you. know, did you realize that uh the first. um best cinematography.

award was handed out in. 1947. And then they write five jokes about. that and I think I've lost the audience. with the setup to that joke. >> I still get made fun of cuz last year we. were sweating and Isabella Rossellini. was nominated, so one of my setups was. that she had a bed and breakfast in New. York. >> That's right. That's right. HEY, DID YOU. KNOW Isabella Rossellini is nominated. for an Academy Award? Did you know she. has a bed and breakfast in Rye, New.

York? >> Can you imagine like. top 15 jokes at the Oscars. >> down and. one of the Skarsgards is just like. what the. Yeah, Rye, New York. Yeah. Yeah, you can. you can TAKE THE TACONIC. CONAN O'BRIEN loses audience. After a strong start, O'Brien went on a. 30-minute discourse on how hard it must. be to run a bed and breakfast in upstate. New York.

>> when he's for the rest of the year. >> It's great advertisement. >> Yeah. Oh, she would be thrilled. Uh yeah. >> really though? >> She does. >> She does? >> She does, yeah. Is she there at the bed. and breakfast? >> I don't think so. >> Are you going to re-pitch this joke this. year? >> I will. >> And this year it'll be even funnier cuz. it's like uh Isabella Rossellini not. nominated this year. But did you know. she has a bed and breakfast in upstate. New York? >> Well, I did find out that Jessie. Buckley's great-grandmother was key in. the Irish Civil War uh fighting for the.

Irish side. >> Oh, there you go. >> Wow. >> Yes. >> Well, that's always bringing up the. Irish Civil War. always gets them laughing. >> Great premise. >> Yeah. >> That's a good one. >> Yeah, how about the salmon? You got any. good Irish famine jokes? Of course we won't have that problem. tonight cuz we got plenty of food at the. buffet. WELL, I'M JUST SAYING. I'M ALLOWED to do it. >> Oh, man. >> Oh my god. >> Well, this is really fun and uh I am. honored and thrilled that you're helping. me out again cuz you're the best.

>> me back. >> You are the best. >> you to Jimmy Kimmel for letting me have. 8 weeks off to come here, too. >> I'm I'm sorry, Jimmy, but uh. yeah, and he's mad about it, too. I can. tell. He's mad. Um no, that and you know. what? And uh. true thanks to him because uh. when you were on my staff writing jokes. for me, I would not have let you go for. 8 weeks for anything. If you were doing. a blood transfusion, I would not let you. go, but uh so thank you very much, Jimmy, and uh yeah, let's get back.

downstairs. >> back downstairs.