Conan Asks Jon Stewart What Exactly Happens At A “Blow Job Factory” | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

if you're in comedy you're always I. think potentially 20 minutes away from. bombing it's just the way it is and I. always think about this in uh when. someone says um you know I'm doing a. benefit you can come out and and I. always think well okay but I got to. really think about they like no you. don't it's just it's a benefit people. have already paid the money and they. just want to know the name and that. you're going to be there and I think no. no no it has to be good because when it. doesn't I don't care if when 90 if you.

go out there and it doesn't feel right. and it doesn't go well it feels worse. than anything I could my life where you. feel like you've gone out there and. they're there to cure like we're here to. prevent cancer and you're eating it and. like they're just like you know it. wasn't bad enough that cancer is. ravaging our. community but now but now your set is. quite frankly yeah TR and giving us. cancer we're finding we're finding what. you're doing try like bombing at a.

benefit like there's almost an instinct. at the end of it with like folks I don't. have to be here you know yeah I we're. trying to raise some money here you. could be a little less. judgmental I'm not bringing out my best. stuff hey you don't want a children's. hospital you don't have a children's. hospital it is what it is yeah that. grind on it is a is a newer phenomenon. that sort of sense of striving and kind. of.

Neurosis I think was a newer kind of it. was a strange new manifestation in Show. Business that didn't like Johnny was the. guy who used to do these and he'd be. like I show up at 4:30 for rehearsal and. at 4:45 I'm scheduled for my first. I go back I have my first. yeah uh then I play cards with. Ed we have a couple of drinks we tape at. 6 and then I go home to the. Factory that I live in like there was no.

until Dave came along a Factory. do they manufacture people there that. give that's a great question or. do they do you get the at the. Factory Conan it's it's the most. common question that I get about blow. job Factory now first of all I will say. this I go there to obtain someone who. will give the. get a blow job on an assembly. line I don't disagree that it's somewhat. confusing I will also say this.

globalization devastated our. factories devastated them and now it's. all outsourced all outsourced they're. killing us in China they're eating our. lunch eating eating something else son. are you going to be okay son you and I. have discussed at length how this. country is bleeding factories. you know when and you were suddenly. shocked when Biden said blowjack. back better I said.

the alliteration man needs to step out. of the race or he could have said build. back either way it works any. word can be replaced by build. better I don't know whatever it. is it is there's a sticker being made. right now bumper sticker it better be it. probably already exists but he really. Dave changed the nature of almost the. personalities of the people that took. those jobs because.

it's interesting cuz Johnny Carson we. only knew him MH I mean he goes on the. air around the time we're born right and. then we don't are I don't come into. Consciousness full Consciousness till my. 30s but but I but I come into I'm seeing. when I'm seeing Johnny he's literally uh. and watching my dad laugh at Johnny it's. the early Johnny's at that point 11 12. 13 years in and it's set so he may have.

had that period in the early 60s you. know what I mean he may have had his. period of we just didn't see it he was. so established he was the only game in. the past was so different if you watch. those shows like what we had to try and. do every night is put on a circus like. it was you know you like this. entertainment how about this. entertainment how about I'll do this his. was an hour and a half told a few lovely. jokes and then Peter used to P it was. the very idea that these celebrities.

that you had never experienced in a kind. of less formal setting Richard Burton. sitting there talking telling a story uh. and it's Charming in and of its own. right and by the time we got along. there's 10 of them yep and and. everybody's gotta turn that like oh you. want to hear the record at 33 how about. at 78 and everybody's running as fast as. they can I've been talking about. this for a while which is uh comedy and. entertainment in general keeps getting. more and more and more and more.

compressed to the point where things get. faster and faster and faster so you can. watch this is just bear with me here but. you start with like Steve alen in the. 50s and then you get to Jack par and. then you get to Johnny Carson what. you're seeing is things are speeding up. going faster and faster and faster then. you get to Dave and that's feeling fast. but we look at those now you look at a. David Letterman from 1983 and sometimes. you you know it it's it was at the time. as we were seeing it Rev and spectacular.

and it still is but now it looks huh. this is really going kind of slowly. right then the pace picks up some more. then more then more then more and to the. point where I think it's. um I noticed that every time I watch. something on HBO or Netflix or anything. narrative it always they always they. they never tell a story in a line the. story starts with the murder then Cuts.

back to the beginning of the story when. they're showing up but then Cuts back to. the police showing up because they don't. trust you to sit still and they. shouldn't no no no and they and trust me. with Pulp Fiction I remember when you. watch Pulp Fiction you were like this is. but but the storytelling is not even. linear I don't know what's happening. here this isn't fair right and now you. can't watch like a cartoon on. Nickelodeon that isn't like flashback. yeah yeah no no we did uh I have I'm. shocked I.

when I watch most anything and I'm I say. it's gone beyond comedy but of course. it's in comedy everywhere is it's just. you know it's all on that molecular Lev. think about on the internet you know you. had and this was years ago and I it's. not around now but it sort of informed. some of it which was Vine and Vine was. basically six seconds give me your best. six seconds and it trained people in. sort of that the atomic nature it's like. the mate you're seeing the Matrix of.

entertainment or comedy where it it's at. its most fundamental building block yeah. and then there were people and you watch. it and I'm always amazed now like you'll. go on an app of Tik Tok or Instagram the. level of creativity within a compressed. time frame or of you know an event that. occurs and then the next two hours are. this explosion of neural energy and. content creation that that takes that.

kind my favorite recent one was you know. uh Donald Trump at the debate you know. they're eating dogs they're eating. people's pets well five minutes after. that I'm on the thing and it's that. audio with in suppose with pets looking. scared yeah like the the and I was just. like this is the greatest yeah people. are it's now at a molecular level it's. functioning in in Quantum comedy world. it's also one of the things you know the.

internet giveth and taketh away there's. the there's the pluses there's the. minuses uh but one of the things I think. has been great is it's been it's it's. the uh democratization of comedy in a. way because you me you know Co bear uh. you know meer John Oliver to get. everybody together and they're all. thinking of the best idea they can. possibly think of with their big teams. mhm but the funniest person the one who.

comes up with the best thing is probably. in a basement in Iowa and they shoot the. thing and it's already out there and and. it's and by the way it's out there 7. seconds after the event happen we are. the insurance companies of Comedy now we. are the you know the guys in leisure. suits who are like we're in some ways. the infrastructure of show business like. there is no more wasteful business than. show I mean I think we can all agree. with that which is why I think we need. to SA the planet and I vow I would say.

the Factory is You could argue. is the most wasteful business of all oh. cuz what is we don't even know what it. does wait you don't know what it does we. don't know does it wait till the end. what got outs you've been leaving too. quickly that's the problem no you got to. stay with it oh I always leave very. quickly no no no no no no no no no no no. no I always it takes minutes for.

what minutes not for. me I'm efficient I have a ruthless. efficiency when I orgasm come I'm in out. come on man what do you mean come on man. you've heard the stories you've been. around.