Bill Hader Shares What He’s Learned From Ali Wong | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

This is a crazy memory. Takes me back to. an SNL sketch of I think there was a. terrible disaster. I forget what it was. It's a I think it might be a Downey. sketch. There was a terrible disaster. Yeah. And a Jim Downey sketch. And what. happens is all the A-listers are gone. have been wiped out. And so the. B-listers have been elevated. It's just. a bunch of agents trying to figure out. who the new A-listers are. But I. remember there was one part where like. Charlton H is on an over capsized boat. and he's hitting people with a horse.

I don't know my mind. I love that. Yeah. Downey was always the. guy that would come up with a sketch. that you were like, "Oh, really? We're. going to do this?" Yeah. He was always. the guy that I would be like, "So, you. want me to do this? Really?" He's like, "Yeah, yeah, it'll be great. It'll be. great. Everybody will laugh.". Oh, god. Okay. I hope so. But yeah. Yeah, he was Well, and then you know the. sketch I always think of that I wish I. that so many people have told me about.

Dana Carvey told me about and everything. was Giant Businessman. That was the Jack. Handy one about the. Jack Handy was uh he had the office next. to the one where. Greg Daniels, Bob Odenkirk and I had a. had a had an office and Robert Small. would come back there all the time and. we the the bunch of us would just um. work on things together and um Handy had. the office next to ours and we of course. would stay up like three nights in a row. and Jack Handy would come in and he'd.

put in it's like he worked at a bank or. something. He would put in, you know, eight hours and you he'd type and you'd. think, well, that guy, you know, we're. staying up three nights in a row and. then he would his stuff at rehearsal. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. But giant businessman, I. love giant businessman was just Phil. Hartman is a giant businessman inside a. small. So, it was him inside a small. like apartment set. Yeah. Yeah. And he's like this and it's like and you. know, partardo and now the adventures of.

giant businessmen. And then it was him and then and next. door are people a band playing like loud. and then he can't concentrate. So then. it cuts to him and he's he's like in the. hallway and he has to like crawl on his. knees. He's like huge, barely fit in the. hallway. And he taps on the door with. his finger. And someone answers the door. and he's like, and Jesus goes, "Excuse. me, can you please turn your music. down?" And the goes, "No." And if you. ask us again, we'll kick your ass. And.

then it cuts to him back in his. apartment. He takes up a tiny telephone. and he goes, "Hello, witness protection. program.". Says, "This has been the adventures of. giant businessmen.". So the fact that he's a giant and the. fact that he's a businessman has nothing. to do. no and then he could step on these. people. that he could step on them and then he. got scared. and then so many people Al Franken and. Downey and Dana and everybody go I. remember him doing at the table and they.

said that was the biggest laugh that. they had heard at the table that it just. kept going into the next sketch where. people were like wait what. will Forte was like that he had that. sketch potato chip that people talk. about sometimes. I just that was like at the table read. it said the script said potato chip and. then it Lauren reads the stage direction. and Lauren went open on NASA and we all. died. We're like.

small potato chip open on NASA and we. all fell over. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, well, Forte, I don't. know where he's like one of those guys. like him and John Solomon when they get. together, it's like it they don't. it's like they don't know where it comes. from. Yeah. You know, it's just very. genuine and and he doesn't when you. would write with him, I would be laughing hard and he kind of. wouldn't be laughing. He would kind of. look at you like. Yeah. So, and then he would say the. funniest I've ever heard, but it.

didn't Yeah. He's like, "No, no, these. are jokes and we'll put them together, you But I always admired that, you know, cuz he never would try to put on or. anything. He was just very just genuine. He. came from a really pure place. Very pure. place. Yeah. I was always impressed with. that. Well, we have uh we've tapped out. We've. gone I mean, you've given us much joy. You've also given us some reality, which. I of course ignore. talked about people losing their homes.

and I made it, you know, about how I. don't. those really good sneakers. Okay, you can see it from my point of view. Now I get it. You know what I'm saying? No, no, but you know what I mean. The. ones with the really good art support. This year you Ralph's going Betty. Crocker. Who the hell is Betty Crocker? Why is this so inexpensive? My god.

Uh, hashes. Someone carry me out of here. Um, nine people with me carry me away. Um, I think about you from time to time. because you're obviously one of the. funniest people certainly I've ever met, but you're also um you're a very. sensitive person and you're a really. sweet guy. And I like it when we get to. hang out. And I've got to I'd like to.

hang out more and. maybe try and riff a little less and. find out how you're how you're doing. Like how are you? No, man. It's But that's good though. It's like it always gets around to that. It gets around. It always gets around to that. And you. always give me great advice. And the. thing I always feel like, you know, cuz it, you know, it became. like a big thing for me. It's, you know, it's a whole cottage industry. Like you. you you mentioned in an interview like, "Oh yeah, I suffer like really bad. anxiety and depression and stuff and. then everybody's, it becomes like a.

whole. thing where now it's like I would do. interviews and I'm like Google my name. and anxiety, you'll see everything I. have to say about it." You know what I. mean? And like depression and all that. But when I talk to people like, you. know, you or or or Marty or or these. other, you know, people I, you know, admire so much for so long and Yeah. And. you guys, we talk about it and stuff. You guys have been so great at listening. and giving me great advice and, you. know, so I I really appreciate that.

Yeah. Good just to know that that it is. also I mean everybody uh so many people. out there who in all walks of life have. this issue but it's also particularly an. occupational hazard. Oh yeah. In the comedy world I don't know what it. is but. it's something where it's. the flip side of the coin. Yeah. Totally. And I think I've just. gotten to this place though where it's. like kind of for the first time in a. healthier place. I mean, it's nice. seeing Ally, my girlfriend, who's, you. know, does stand up and is and but is.

like a very solid person. Like, she. makes breakfast for her kids every. morning, makes dinner, she's home. It's. like her priorities are so dead on. And. I'm like, "Wow, you can be really funny, really smart, and do all the cool stuff. and still have that, you know, be a a a. person, you know, a human, you know?". So, so that's been helpful. This is not No, I'm just. Now I'm thinking I got to start making.

food. Oh, you need to do a lot more than that. I know. What do you want? All right. What does everyone want for. breakfast? No, it's Benedict. Postmate it. You will get Honey Nut Cheerio. Dry Honey Nut Cheerios. I love this version of me cuz it is me.

just with that different accent. God may of a mouth. My house largely unscathed. Largely. unscathed as usual. Bill Hater, God bless you. Thank you for. being here.