Bill Burr Live From The Fonda Theater In Hollywood (FULL EPISODE) | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome. Conan O'Brien. [cheering]. [music] Hey, how are you? Thank you very much. Thank you. >> [music].

>> Thank you very much. [cheering]. What lovely LOOKING PEOPLE. PLEASE HAVE. A SEAT. EVERYBODY have a seat. Come on. YOU JUST WASTED A STANDING OVATION. Thanks for being here. We're very. excited to be doing. O'Brien needs a friend here at the. beautiful Fonda Theater. Yeah. [cheering]. Yeah. I had never played this theater before. This is my first. Who's been here. before? Have you been here before? Is it.

mostly music here or is there comedy as. well? Mostly music. Okay. So, this is. terrible what we're doing. Okay. [laughter]. Uh, no. I asked a friend of mine who. knows all the theaters. I said, "Where. is the Fonda Theater?" And he said, "It's kind of at the end of Hollywood. Boulevard where all the stars from the. Hollywood Walk of Fame kind of peter. out.". [laughter]. And I thought that is perfect for us. There's hardly any stars left when you. come down here, but the ones there are.

are like for associate producers, Bill Machinik, [snorts]. Staz Bullron. [laughter]. Uh four years ago, I wrapped up the late. night show. I did 28 years and I loved. it. [cheering] I loved every second of. it, but I thought I've done this. I've. done everything I think I think I can do. with this. Uh, it's a great format, but. I'm I'm tired of it. It's time to go. before someone asked me to go. I turned.

out to be very wise and [laughter]. I'll just go now. Leave the party before. you're tossed out. And so I did that. And I started saying, I love this. podcast thing. It's so informal. I'm. just in a little room. I'm with Matt. I'm with Sona. We're goofing around. There's no makeup. There's no fderall in. pageantry. I love this. This is great. And then we start doing the podcast and. it grows and it grows and people like.

you are listening to it. It's very. exciting. It's growing and people say, you know, Chair F is like, you know, we. should do it. We should we should get. some bigger and bigger advertisers. People really want to buy in. We buy in. Okay. Then they say, you know what we. should do? We should get it on camera. I said, "Okay, let's get it on camera.". And then a little more time goes by and. people are like, "You know what you. should do? You should get multiple. cameras on it. Okay. You know what you should do? You. should do it live in front of a theater. Get a lot of people here. You know what.

you should do? [cheering and applause]. You know what you should do? You know. what you should do? If you're going to. have cameras and you be in front of a. theater, you need makeup. You know what you should do? If you're. going to be in front of people and. you're wearing makeup and you got a. whole bunch of people in a theater and. you got cameras, you should get a band. [cheering and applause]. >> I am right back where I STARTED. [cheering]. WELCOME TO LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN. O'BRIEN. [cheering].

This was not the plan. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED. YOU DID [screaming] THIS. [cheering] You're all to blame. We have a uh wonderful show tonight. I. do want to I just mentioned the band and. I want to give them a shout out because. my good friend of 32 years, this man. auditioned [laughter] for the original. band. He put it all together. He's a. genius. Jimmy Vavino. [cheering]. Thank you. MY GOOD MAN WHO WAS ALSO. THERE on that first show September 13th,

1993. Scott Healey. [cheering]. [applause] Then we get to the scum that. came late to the party. They waited till they saw it was this. This guy right here, Andy Sansessi said, "I'm going to wait 32 years to make sure. it really works out." Andy Sensesi on. drums. Terrific. And Jennifer. J. Joe Oberly on bass. [cheering]. >> Stand up. Stand [applause] up.

>> My first major crush. bass player with that color hair just. knocked me out. Um, thank you so much for being here. I. love this place already. You're an. incredible crowd. Uh, very excited. Uh, and I want to start the show by bringing. out two people who are essential to the. goings on. I love them. I also slashlo. them. No, we're family. We get along. like family and I adore them and I. wouldn't have a podcast without them. Let's bring them out right now. Sona.

Messian and Matt Gorley. [cheering]. Yay! [music and applause]. >> How are you? [cheering]. >> Yay. [applause]. >> Love us and loathe us. >> So, first of all, >> what's up? HH. >> no one ever calls it HH. >> Uh, he gave a shout out for Hianda.

Heights. >> Yes. is that tell us about Hianda. Heights. >> Hianda Heights is a town in LA County. >> We are listened to all across the world. and people need to be informed. >> Yes, it's um it's a kind of place where. you would never go unless you had to go. there. Um the fanciest restaurant I. think was the Claim Jumper when I was. growing up there. And the mall, here's. what it is. >> I'm sorry. Can I say one thing? This guy. shouted out with great enthusiasm,

>> House of the Heights. >> And you proceeded to say, "It's the kind. of place you go that you don't really. want to go to and will never go to. again.". >> Well, here's the two things about Hian. Heights you guys need to know. One, Fergie went to my high school. [cheering]. >> The Duchess the Duchess Fergie. >> Yeah, that that's Fergie. Uh, and then. the second one is the Poet Hills Mall is. where they shot the where the back to. the future where the Delorean goes back.

and forth from the past. >> The third thing you need to know is I. grew up in Whittier which is next door. to Heights and we never went there. [cheering]. >> You if you live next door to Hosianda. Heights and you never went there. We. never went. You know what I love about. this conversation? It's pleasing next to. no one. [laughter]. >> That guy's pleased. >> This guy's over the moon. He's going to. go back to Hassianda Heights TONIGHT AND. GO LIKE TALK ABOUT US and they PICKED IT. UP AND TALK FOR 40 MINUTES about Hianda. [laughter] Heights.

>> Um, how are you guys? Everything good. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. That's terrific. >> I mean, we're I just talked about how. you bring so much to the podcast. [laughter]. and I got them going. I had some good. stuff and then I threw to you guys and I. get. >> Yeah, it's good. Did you? You know, I'm. not going to lie. I think I listened to. like nothing you said when we were back. there cuz Matt and I were just chatting. >> and then at one point everybody started. clapping. I was like, "Oh were we. supposed to go out there?" And luckily.

there's people paying attention. >> Incredible. Incredible story. Um, [laughter]. dying here where the stars just eb out. on Hollywood Boulevard. [laughter]. Are there even stars on the ground. outside the theater here? >> I saw some I saw a star and someone had. written on it so we could just go. >> This is the part of Hollywood Boulevard. where you can write in your own name. Yeah, >> this is also not the Henry Fonda. Theater. It's the Bruce Fonda Theater.

[laughter]. Peter, >> he was a sound editor. >> Yeah, [laughter]. >> you guys are probably curious about my. life lately. Uh, >> actually, no. >> It's such a simple thing. backstage. I. told them, "Why don't you ask me about. what I'm up to?" And they can't even do. that. >> No. >> Well, I was just noticing how this. audience is bathed in this beautiful. blue light. You guys look amazing. Look. at this. >> Wow. >> You know what I noticed? There's a bar.

And this is And I don't know if this is. a sign that things are going well in my. career [laughter] or poorly, but there's a bar in the theater that we. are performing in right now. Yeah, >> I say that as I say that as that's a. positive. >> I think so, too. I think we should take. advantage of it to be honest. >> Can we? >> Yeah. There's a there's a bar right back. there. Are we able to get any I know the. audience is. >> the audience is not getting drinks. because we're told you're all terrible. alcoholics. [laughter]. >> Would you guys like anything? Would you.

like anything? Sona, would you like. anything, Matt? >> The answer is always yes. >> Yeah, me too. Same. >> I'm on the wagon cuz I'm driving this. bus tonight. But what do you guys want? I uh Okay. Well, my my my my. uh. >> What distracted you? >> I don't know. >> There's nothing happening. [laughter]. >> Have you weird? You went I. >> I short circuited. >> Uh I mean, at least a cat or a puppy is. looking at a fly. You glitched. You had.

nothing. Um, listen, my usual drink is a. dirty martini, [cheering]. extra olives, and if they have the. cheese olives, those are my favorite. olives. If not, I'll take the garlic. olives. If not those olives, then I'll. just take regular olives. But that and. then I but I figure if I only get one. drink, I should like really maybe go for. it. So, should I I mean, I haven't had. one of these in a long time, but should. I just do like a Long Island iced tea?

[screaming]. >> Whoa. [cheering]. >> I meant like, do you want a beer or not? [laughter]. >> What about you? >> I want something special. >> Okay. >> Can you do a paper plane? >> Oh god. >> Okay, I'm going to go. >> Of course, >> there's not even this theater. >> Don't hurry yourself. [cheering]. >> I'll get these. You guys settle down. Hi. >> I'll high five. I didn't know you were. going to high five you. I'll high five. you. I'll high five you. I didn't I'm.

sorry, sir. I missed the high five. This. guy held his hand up for a high five and. dropped it before I got to him. [laughter]. That is the most humiliating. Even you. didn't have the energy for a whole full. high five. Yes. Where? Oh, the bar is. back this way. Okay. Hello. Where do I. do? Where do I go? Okay. This is great. You're actually making these drinks. You. are very good. What is your name? This. is great. Chris, it's so nice to meet. you. How are you? Nice to have you. I. think it's wise uh for to drink because. I am the host. And then I'm taking all.

of these drinks back up. This guy is. good. Okay. >> Oh, I want a vodka martini. >> Hi. How are you? Hi. I can't high five. you now. >> Is that a. >> I'm going to try to high five her. Hold. on. >> Can you hold my mic, PLEASE? YES, >> we did it. Impressive. >> Don't spill. >> You're an man. >> The last thing I'll see before I go to. sleep is that guy's hand dropping as I.

approach him. Here are your drinks, guys. >> Wow. >> Okay, now I have to gracefully get back. on stage. >> Oh, it's a good thing I work out so. much. But you knew that cuz of the shape. of my body. Cheers. >> Cheers, friend. >> Nice. >> Thank you. Cheers. >> Thanks, everybody. >> Cheers. >> Now,

>> okay. Well, now we're Bill Mars podcast. [laughter]. in all the best ways. Um, >> now it's going to get interesting. >> Yeah. No, it won't. You'll just get kind. of sloppy as always. >> It's true. >> It doesn't get more interesting. >> [laughter]. >> You were distracted before by nothing. and now you're drinking. [laughter]. This is the arc we are on at the moment. >> I just got back from New York. >> Oh, okay. Yeah. >> Yeah. And you're not asking me, so I'm.

just going to plow ahead. >> Okay. >> Hi. Hey, what have you What have you. been up to? >> Thanks a lot for doing that one thing. >> Did you just get back from anywhere? >> Did you do did you fly? >> You guys suck. >> Cheers. I say that with love. [laughter]. I just brought you drinks and you won't. even do the one thing you're supposed to. do. Uh yeah, I was in New York. Thanks. for asking. And um people in the crowd. are shouting it out cuz you won't do. your job. I was in New York because I'm. in a movie. I'm in a movie and I was.

[cheering]. doing something I've never done before, which is promote a movie. And it's weird. because I realize that it's a completely. different uh animal than anything I've. done in my entire career. >> Did you have to do red carpet interviews. and things? >> I did some red carpet interviews where. people uh actually asked me what are you. wearing? >> Yeah. And I proudly said pants. [laughter]. >> No, they say who are you wearing? And I. honestly don't know. I just say Sears. every time. But they um but the one.

thing I had to do which was so strange. is there's a screening. You go to these. like link there's New York Film Festival. and there's a big screening and you go. and you get ready and you there's a. whole crowd there at Lincoln Center and. everyone's excited and you you say okay. and here's the movie and then everybody. walks out at a bunch of these screenings. they do this the cast walks out and they. go and they sit down and have dinner. while people watch the movie. That is. the opposite of everything I've been.

trained to do. Yeah. >> So, my heart was getting, you know, racing more and more as I got close. I. was stretching. I got ready cuz I and. the same mentality of I'm going to go. out there and do a show for close to two. hours. But then I remember we shot this. two years ago. Yeah. [laughter]. >> And I don't do anything now. And so I. just walk out and people are just eating. their chicken going good chicken. [laughter] And I'm just I'm obsessed. with what's happening. What's happening.

with the crowd? Do I need to run out. there AND GO, "COME ON, WHAT DO WE. THINK?" [laughter] YOU KNOW, AND give. them a boost again. Do I need to rush. out there? I mean, I have all the wrong. instincts. I should never be in film. It's a terrible mistake. >> No, but you know, I saw your movie and. we should say the name of it. It's If I. Had Legs, I'd kick you. And it's. >> with Rose Burn. >> With Rose Burn. So, you have you're. you're complaining. Are you complaining. about having dinner with Rose Burn? >> She wouldn't sit with me. >> Oh. Oh, [laughter] no. >> That's in Rose Burn's contract. She's. lovely and she loves everyone. She's.

kind to everyone, but she will not sit. with me. >> And I thought, well, she's probably. sitting with someone really important. And then I saw she was sitting next to a. CPR dummy. [laughter]. >> She thought it was you. She thought it. was me. Yeah. >> I I love everybody having dinner and. then you're at a table by yourself. >> Yeah, that's kind of what happened. >> Well, that's sad. >> Are you okay watching yourself in a. movie and acting? How does it feel? >> I shouted out, "He's hot. Did you disguise your voice? >> I didn't. I forgot to. [laughter].

And then I shouted out, "Not Conan. speaking.". [laughter]. >> That fooled nobody. >> Oh, man. I was okay with it. I just It's. so clear that this is not something. that's in my so much in my world. But. >> don't say that. I saw it and I thought. you were great. The movie is amazing. >> The movie is amazing. I'm very proud to. be in the movie. I think the movie is. amazing. Mary Bronstein did this. incredible job. She wrote it. She. directed it. She's a badass. Roseburn, I. think, is one of the best actors working. anywhere in the world today. I thought.

she gave the performance of a lifetime. And I'm okay with what I did. I think it. was fine. And I'm very excited for the. movie. >> Was very good. >> Thank you for saying that. It was very, very good. >> You were fishing. You were fishing. >> And I just caught one. Okay. [laughter]. >> Oh, man. >> [music]. >> I think we should move on. Should we. move on to the matter at hand?

>> The big event. Yeah. >> Yeah. We have a special surprise guest. here. We're going to dim the lights. >> and uh have a little bit of an. introduction. And here we go. >> Let's do it. [cheering]. >> Hey. Hello. How are you? I'm Bill Burr. [cheering]. Do I DO IT NOW? HI, I'M BILL Burr and uh. [cheering] I FEEL WONDERFUL ABOUT BEING. CONAN O'Brien's friend.

[music]. [music]. >> Bill Burr. Ladies and gentlemen, uh, Bill. >> Hey, how are you? [cheering] How's it. going? >> It's going okay for me. How's it going. with you? >> OH, IT'S BEEN A GREAT WEEK. [laughter]. It's been fantastic. Yeah. Jesus.

Christ. >> You've been in the news. >> Yeah. I think the general consension is. IS IS HOW DARE YOU GO TO THAT PLACE AND. MAKE THOSE OPPRESSED PEOPLE LAUGH, YOU. PIECE OF [laughter]. I can't believe YOU WENT TO THAT PLACE I. CAN'T FIND ON A MAP. AND [laughter] AND. THIS BOT SAID I WAS UPSET ABOUT IT. So. now I am. [laughter]. >> Now let's paint a picture here. >> It's one thing to wear clothes made in. by sweat shop labor. IT'S QUITE ANOTHER. TO go to the factory and make them.

laugh. [laughter]. I can't believe how much anger I had. about this issue after it went viral. [laughter]. >> So you're here to apologize? >> NO. [laughter]. NOT AT ALL. IT was one of the most. amazing experiences I've had as a. comedian. It was incredible. And what. was the best part is my whole life is. I've been paranoid about the news. Like. I watch the news and I'd always go like. this doesn't feel feels like they're, you know, they're moving stuff around.

They're shifting it. So to actually kind. of be in the middle of one of those. stories and actually confirm it and. watching them lying their ass off, saying there was no women there, which. was a lie. It was just great to be at. home like I I KNEW IT. I knew. they were lying. >> All right. >> It's not all right. It's like that they. do that. >> You sound like anyone's uncle yelling at. the TV, >> but in the best way. Let me lay this. out. Let's lay it out for anyone who. isn't initiated. >> Lay it out, man. >> Let's lay it out, man. >> We got a track tape here.

[laughter]. >> Why didn't you turn into some ANR guy. from the 1960? >> Well, I just want to lay it out. I never. like to assume everybody's on the same. page, you know? >> Yeah. We'll do a bump on the concert. >> You went to Riad. [laughter] It was a. comedy festival they had in Riad and you. went with a bunch of other people. Yes. Much of a comedian. >> Yes, we went there and I was scared. shitless. Um, >> were you scared before you went? >> 100%. Cuz I had the same idea that part. of the world as everybody else. I. thought I was going to go there. There. was going to be a bunch of people. dressed like Yaser Arafat shooting.

machine guns in the air GOING DEATH TO. AMERICA. THERE'S ONE. CUT HIS. HEAD OFF. [laughter] OH MY GOD. SO, I. land in Bahrain and I'm going through. customs and the dude's standing there. He goes, "What are you doing over here?". I go, "I'm a comedian." We went to. Bahrain first. And I go, "Yeah, uh, I'm. I'm a comedian from America." He goes, "Oh, yeah." He goes, "You think we're. all over here waiting to cut your head. off?" He literally said that and I had. to be like, "Uh, no, no, no, I didn't. [laughter]. If I was more comfortable, I would have.

been and you thought I was be 600 lb. with camouflage Crocs coming in here. Weight, I don't know what." Um, so we're. going into Saudi Arabia now. We're. flying over there and all I'm seeing is. sand and like the highways. It literally. looks like the footage whenever they. show up right before a military strike. Yeah, I'm nervous. Right. So, we. go there and everybody's like, "Cool, right? Hey, how you doing?" Talking and. just normal sort of, right? And. uh I don't know. We we we were standing. we was in the round waiting to go on. I.

was really nervous and they were saying. like and and and well the great thing. about first of all the great thing about. the the uh the festival was the people. that put it together when they first. said that they wanted a comedy festival. over there. They said okay what is your. your restrictions with speech and they. had this whole long list and the. promoters were just like all right well. when we can't you guys aren't ready for. standup comedy yet. And to their credit. they said all right what do we got to. do? And they basically whittleled it all.

the way down to you couldn't talk about. any religion. Theirs, yours, anybody. else's, and you couldn't make fun of the. royals. That was it. Now, I know a lot. of people like, "That's up, man.". It's like, well, they just progressed. the ball like 10 yards. And it was. amazing. And we we get there, it's like. in the round, and I'm waiting to go on. and everybody in the crowd is dressed. like Yaserafett, right? [laughter] And I'm sitting there going. like, "Am I going to in the" And they. go, "Just let you know the front row is. diplomats." And I'm like, "Well, what.

the are they doing?" I already have. drymouth going, "What? Why did I say yes. to this?" And then the royals were like. up in the box, but everybody else was. like regular. So I'm waiting to go on. It was in the round. It was like 8,000. people. And I as I was like nervous and. And right before I went on, this. guy yells out dressed in that whole dish. dash thing. He goes, "HEY, BILL BURR, I. LOVE YOU. KICK ASS, MAN." AND I WAS JUST. LIKE, "WHAT? I can't believe this guy. knows who I am. And I went on stage and. like I just I don't know. I just started. doing my and they were laughing and.

I was doing stuff about relationships. and they were laughing. I said, you. know, I kind of noticed the chicks over. here, the hot ones, they wear the veil a. little bit lower [laughter]. and that got a huge laugh. So they're. they're laughing at me. >> They are laughing. And then I said, it. I'm going to do the joining a gay. gym joke with the dudes sucking each. other's dicks in the steam room. So, I. get halfway through it and the monitor. goes out and I'm like, "Oh, [laughter] Am I going to get arrested?". And it ended up coming back on, but like. I really have to tell.

>> Were they trying to edit you in that. moment or you think it was just an. accident? >> No, they didn't. No, it was just, you. know, I just it just. >> I love how you say the the gay gym joke. like you all know. [laughter]. >> Oh, yeah. No, what was so great about it. was the it was the people there. You. could feel it like they needed it. They. wanted it and they wanted you to push. and that's what the comics did. and. you're like your job was to just okay. we've gotten them to here now you can. move them to there and it's like as much. as people don't like what's going on. over there it's like they're not going. to progress with isolation so if you go.

over there and you just sort of like. move them a little bit towards us you. know I don't know we I feel like we're. moving towards them in a in a lot of. ways over here you know yeah I mean. Jesus Christ we're putting. grabbing moms and dads and sticking them. in a van for making illegally made. tacos to go to go to Alligator. Alcatraz. >> Yeah, it's insane. It's insane. And and. you know, someday they're going to be. out of brown people to put in those. vans. They're still going to have the.

vans. So, you shouldn't be feeling. comfortable about it thinking that. you're not going to be in it. Yeah, it's. up. It's really up. So, and I will say this. I do have to say. this because one of the people that got. the most amount of and I'm not. going to say any comedians names because. of all of these sanctimonious out. there that are just [laughter] who don't. really sincerely give a I don't. know what it is. Their parents didn't. hug them. It's bots. I have no idea. Like they go after your wife. It's like. she didn't open for me. Like I don't. understand. [laughter].

>> You're talking about online. >> Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Do you read that stuff? >> Dude, I haven't been online for like a. month. I I finally viewed the internet. the way I viewed drinking towards the. end where I was just like, I don't want. to be doing this, but I'm doing it every. day and this doesn't feel good. [laughter]. >> Right. Right. So, um, but what sucks is. you can't be off the internet cuz people. just keep texting you, hey, just. checking in to see how you're doing. And. I'm like, kind of doing fine, man. I'm. sitting here eating a sandwich. So, um,

no, but one of the comics over there, openly gay, went over there and just did. her act. And she was in the. middle of her act, and two of the. diplomats got up and she said to him, "What are you guys going to go get on. Grinder, [laughter]. >> dude?" 33 years of comedy. That's the. biggest balls of anything I've ever. seen. Yeah, dude. And our own. people were like, not all of them, but. like hardcore psycho gays were take. going after lunatics, man. It.

was it was Listen, what went going on. over there was was a super positive. thing. If you actually give a about. those people and how they're living over. there, there's going to have to be these. types of things to kind of pull them in. And I I will tell you, the Cheesecake. Factory in Riad, man, it's incredible. [laughter]. It's right next to the Pizza Hut and the. KFC. And if you want a pair of. Timberlands, it's across the street next. to the Marriott Caddy Corner to the. Hilton. [laughter].

>> So, but that's all fine. That's all. fine. I love how there was no outrage, too. The week before the Canelo Alvarez. fight, the head dude is sitting. right there, but everybody wet their. beak on that one, so nobody was upset. And that's the thing about being a. comedian is you're an independent. contractor. There's no ad money tied to. you, so everybody can just, you know, they release the bots so they can just. keep it going. And uh. >> did you know did you have an inkling did. you have an inkling before you went to. Riad? Did you or the other comedians. have any sense that there'd be this kind.

of response when you got back? >> No, I had no idea cuz I you know. what was funny? One time I did Abu Dhabi. and somebody one person text me, "Oh, you're going over there to get that. blood money, right?" And I go, "Hey, you. know, just for the record, I'm also. doing London, England on that tour, you. know, which is arguably the bloodiest. money out there." So there's. like that element of racism to it where. if brown people are doing it, it's. up. If white people are doing it, what are you talking about? You know, almost like sports. So, [laughter]. um, yeah, my my team doesn't cheat. Your.

team cheats. So, [laughter] I. mean, if we're going to do the blood. money game, I think the only places. countries I've ever played in that is. clean money was ma New Zealand and I. think Iceland. But then Iceland is weird. where over there they have an app, a. dating app that doesn't say, you know, if you're related, it's how because. they're all part of the same thing over. there. [laughter]. >> That's not a joke. >> That's not a joke. It's true. >> Yeah. >> Look at you guys. OH NO. NOW HE'S GOING. AFTER ICELAND. [laughter].

UM, NOW I'M REALLY UPSET WITH THAT. PLACE. I DON'T REALLY QUITE KNOW WHERE. IT IS TO [laughter] next to England. Is. that it? No, that's Ireland. That's Isle of man. That's. Iceland. [laughter]. So, um, no, I'm part of the I don't give. a what all these phony. people are saying. My thing is is I go. out to perform in front of. people and like I as I've been traveling. the world, I want to see more of it. And.

um, the thing that I loved about going. to these Arab countries is that their. sense of humor. They're silly. They're. really silly. and I'm a silly person and. like anchorman type of and but like. they yeah they don't show that. over here. So, it's kind of fun to get a. world view by going so like a little. more of an informed worldview than you. know if you sit on your couch and let. some talking head you know then you just. think it's machine guns and people. saying all of that stuff and it's like I.

don't know I I I it was a really like I. was like buzzing after the show. That's. that's what a good time it was. And uh. all of these that. didn't go and never will go. all they're. ever gonna see is, you know, the machine. guns and and you know, if that's how you. want to live, that's how you you want to. live. I I I I really I don't give a. Conan. And and if it affects my. career, I I you know, I've been to LAX. enough in my life. You know, I'll. sit home for a little bit. I.

will actually tell you LAX is slightly. sadder than Saudi Arabia. [laughter]. >> Now, there's something everyone can. agree on. >> You just brought us all together. [laughter]. THAT'S WHAT COMEDIANS DO. THEY BRING A. CROWD TOGETHER. You're supposed to. Yeah. >> I will say this. I will say, >> Yeah. >> I have devoted a chunk of my life to. trying to go to countries all around the. world. Um I don't always love what's. happening in that country, but I go and. my goal is. >> why didn't you change it when you were.

there for 8 days? [laughter] You should. have walked in. But the thing that I've always wanted to. do is try and find real people and make. them laugh and it gives me a kind of joy. that is very hard to describe to people. >> It's unbelievable. You know, when I I. did a gig in India one time and I didn't. realize like they're like ridiculous. like ball breakers which I just didn't. expect that from them. And I was doing. this podcast before I went over there to. like promote my show and they were going.

like, "Hey man, when you come over here, what are you going to talk about?" And I. sort of said some of the things. They. go, "Oh, yeah." They go, "You should. talk about this, you know, this. subject." Why don't you talk about this? They kept throwing out subjects. And. then I finally just go, "Wait a minute. Do you guys talk about these subjects in. your country?" And they just laughed at. me like they were trying to get me in. trouble. >> They were trying to set you up. >> Yeah. So then I was like, "All right, I. like these guys." And I just. >> They're It's that same Boston mentality. >> I I got there and this is this was and. it was it was a wild place and and the.

sense of humor was great. But then, you. know, you did see up stuff when. you were there. You know, I saw a. t-shirt said, "Real men don't rape." And. I was like, "Wow." Like, where am I? >> That's a real t-shirt. >> That is a real t-shirt. Like, you know, John 3:16. It's [laughter]. their version. Yeah. [laughter]. >> Yes. Someone holds that up at a football game. right by the goal post. >> Yeah. during a soccer game. They they.

they put that up. >> Have you talked to the other comics that. you went over there with and and. compared notes on the reaction since you. got back? >> Yeah, we all had like a great time over. there and then everybody else is just. going like, "Dude, what the what the. fuck?" Like, >> you know what I love that a bunch of. people went over, but because of your. success, you're one of the main names. that gets mentioned over and over again. So, congratulations. >> Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, you know, I I I. don't I have I haven't literally watched. any of it or I don't care about all of.

that performative. And it's like if someone actually. wanted to have a real conversation and. stuff like that, you know, I mean, I. could get all the way into like as far, you know, as like a a performer, you. know. Um, you know, my one of my. favorite things is is this this scumbag. [snorts] uh club owner. >> texted my tour manager because he heard. I was over there and he goes, "Uh, yeah." He goes, "Bring back a burka and. a sweatshirt in size oppression." Like.

that was his joke. >> So, I wrote back to him. I go, "Why. don't you start by I go, "Why don't you. concentrate on not ripping off. comedians, you piece of shit?". [laughter] And he never wrote back. >> Yeah. Cuz he's a. >> Was he going to give it a thumbs up? [laughter] No, but that's like. >> Uhhuh. >> No, but that's like No, I He didn't even. defend his position, >> right? Right. He knows. >> Yeah. He's like. >> that guy. Oh my god, I am a. >> Yeah. No, and you know what's f He's. just a typical club owner. So that's. like I'm saying with people where they.

you know I listen I could say so much. more about about some of the. stuff. But I I don't want to um. everything that you say they twist it. around. It's just another log to throw. in the fire. and all of these it just. none of them really give a. >> Like things like this have to happen in. order to gradually like progress and. then you know it's just it just it was. necessary. It felt it didn't it felt. right afterward like I I really and it. really was like the people and I vied.

with them and they were funny you. know they were funny people. So. I don't know what to tell you. I had a. good time. [snorts]. >> All right. Um, [applause]. >> on a more personal note, >> Uhhuh. >> Um, you've come on this podcast uh many, many times. I think you have the record. for being on this podcast the most cuz. you and I are friends. I'm. >> Do I get the jacket? [laughter]. >> We I spent that money on the drinks for. those two idiots.

>> All right. >> I just want you to know that in all the. times you've done it, you started out. saying you felt uh honored to be on the. podcast. Then you said great. Then the. next time you're on, you said all you. said good. And then the last time you. said all right. [laughter]. I was losing you. You had an iron. deficiency deficiency or something. But. I. >> Why can't Why can't you ask me what's. going on in my life that I'm slowly. slipping into the abyss. Why does it. have to be about you? [laughter].

Maybe I'm slipping into a a depression. you could check in on me instead. of being like the compliments I'm. graphing that my friends have like how. insecure are you about your friendships. with people that you have a record on. >> on April. of 2021 you were point out I'd like to. point out I let you talk for quite a. while. [laughter] about issues in your life I. wasn't listening.

cuz I was busy monitoring the different. responses you've had to I feel blank. about being Conor O'Brien's friend and I. made that tally. >> I get it. [laughter]. >> No, I get it. And I noticed that when we. hang out, >> you know, >> we both check out every once in a while. and think of our own but. somehow we sort of spin. Oh, yeah. That's right. I'm I'm hanging out with. Conan. How you doing, man? How you been? For the last seven minutes, I've been. thinking about myself. >> I um [laughter]. I went and saw you in New York and I. watched you do uh Glengary, Glenn Ross.

on Broadway, and you were spectacular. I. don't know if anybody here saw it. >> Financed by Saudi money. >> All right. [laughter]. >> No, I wasn't. I was kidding. >> Possibly. I don't know. >> I don't know. >> Yeah, >> I don't go. I I just learned my lines. >> You did more than learn your lines. You. were spectacular. You were You were. great. I We talked about at the top of. the show, but I've dabbled a little bit. with this acting thing, and I have a lot. of respect for because I know you've. been working at it for a while. Yeah. You've done a lot of different acting.

gigs and you've been terrific and I and. when I was watching this I kind of. thought. >> I think I felt like David Mamemoth wrote. this part for you. That's how it felt. cuz it so fit your rhythm. >> Did it feel right the first time you got. into it? >> It I played this guy David Moss. It he. talked like how everybody talked where. we growing up. He talked super fast. He. interrupted people. He didn't listen. I'm like I know this guy. [laughter]. But um what was fun was that first scene.

I would do with Michael McKe and and the. when it you finally get it going and. when it kind of like locks in with his. cuz we talk over each other and. everything and um yeah, Michael was like. um. like probably the greatest listener I'd. ever wor like cuz I swear to God, you. know, you do it every night and like you. know sometimes you you're doing the line. and it just it would come out just a. little bit different to the left and he. just would always just catch it no.

matter no matter what. And he would give. me something different like 128 shows he. surprised me every time. And um it was. it was very very easy to do that scene. with him. He's he's an incredible. everybody knows that but like to. actually get to do it. There was there. was so many nights when I would be doing. it and I would actually be out of this. scene being like I'm on Broadway doing a. scene with Michael McKeon. This is. crazy. Then it's like oh he. stopped talking. What do I say now? [laughter]. But it took it took a while to kind of.

get. >> Was it terrifying the first night you. went out and you're you know the. curtains coming up Broadway and you've. got a you know seven page monologue. [clears throat] you got to go. >> you know uh. uh when you when you. >> I would run away I would get on an ebike. and take off. [laughter]. >> It was it was it was weird. It was like. waiting to go on was was nervous but. like the live crowd actually made me. feel comfortable because this is what. I've been doing my whole career. So it. just I had to do like a this new thing.

where it's just like rather than doing. this, I'm kind of doing this to get to. that. But um the thing the thing I was. most nervous about is like what if I. forget my lines like like I can't like. if I forget a joke I can just say to. hell with it go to another joke when I'm. doing standup. So to do that, they call. it going into the white room. And I was. so afraid that that was going to happen. And that's what happened because the way. Mamemoth wrote it, he kind of like the. the monologue repeats itself twice. So I. would joke it was like he did two donuts. in the parking lot and then you drove.

out. So two times they say, you know, he. killed the goose or he killed. the goose. And I would get lost like. where the hell am I? So one night I I. was doing it early and I and I went into. the white room and I couldn't. remember anything. And uh there was a. line that that it had was like, you. know, what the hell was it? It was. something like um oh that's the God's. truth and it gets me depressed. I swear. it does at my age to see a goddamn That. was like the line. So I went into the. white room like a page before that and.

me and Michael just start improving and. like I got to set him up for the next. thing. So but he knew where I was. So he. just out of nowhere just looks at me and. improvs the line. He just goes, "Does it. make you depressed?" [laughter]. And I'm like, as a matter OF FACT, IT. DOES. >> ALL I WANTED AT MY AGE, OH MY GOD. ALL I. wanted these idiots to do earlier was. say, so what did you do in New York? >> And they wouldn't do that. And does that. make you depressed? [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So he did that and then we got.

through it and there was like an. elevator ride down and we laughed the. whole way down. like so many nights we. would laugh about something and then he. saved he saved me so many times and then. only once I had to save him but I was so. psyched, you know what I mean? That that. I would that I knew where we were and I. cuz he you know he helped me out so. much. So like the fact that one night in. all of those times um and it was just. also you know to work with a legend like. him and then of course all the other. guys but like oh my god Bob Orton Kirk.

and uh Kieran Kulkin what they were. doing you know once they really you know. got comfortable with it like I just wish. I was in the second scene longer um I. got to say Donald Weber Jr. uh John. Purichello and uh Howard Overshon like. we just you know we vied. There was no. egos. We all knew that Michael was the. guy. Um we all had respect for him and. we just we just we had a great time. We. had a great time. >> I I did have one I noticed one thing. which is I went back and I said I've. known Bob Odenkirk. We wrote on Saturday. Night Live together when we got started.

back in the day and um so I was visiting. friends backstage saying hi to everybody. and I I got to you and I could tell you. really missed cuz you're in New York but. you missed your family a lot and you. >> you were it just felt like you were. hurting a little bit like you you missed. you missed Nia you missed your family. Yeah, that's the thing that we didn't. take into consideration. Like Neo was. and I were just going like, "All right, well, you know, it's like a, you know, four month gig, you know, we'll come.

out, you know, 10 days a month and blah. blah." But we didn't realize we were. instantly going to be in like this. long-distance relationship. So, it was. really the one of the hardest times of. our marriage because it was like I was. lonely and she was swamped with the. kids. So, we both needed help. You know, usually in a relationship, one person's. starting to go down, the other person. pulls them up. We were both kind of. going, we were both sort of sinking. there for a minute, but uh we always. turn it around because um you know, we're meant to be together. So, it it. worked out, but it was definitely it was.

definitely hard. >> Yeah. I have my agency look after the. kids. [laughter]. >> True story. Yeah. William Morris and. Deborah, they're fantastic. >> Yeah. Yes, they are. >> Yeah. I'm gonna see them for the first. time in three years. Looking forward to. that. They have a script pitch. >> Oh yeah. And I've been going through. this the whole week. My agent. never even called me. He's been he's. [laughter] been under his desk. >> Listen, is that true? Or during this.

whole controversy you haven't heard from. your people? >> No. You know what it was? Was he heard. me on the podcast, you know, saying what. I said here that I had a good time and. it was, you know, a positive thing or. whatever. So he thought that that was. the mindset that I was in through the. week. And as the week went on and more. things happened and then like uh you. know I don't want to get into it but. like some of you know some of the people. that spoke up uh that was was all right. You know I I you know I I don't know how. to say to somebody hey man can you check.

in with me? I don't know how to do that. So uh you know it wasn't until the. weekend I was like dude are you going to. like call me? Then he was just I. I didn't know you know but you know my. we're cool. We're cool. So, I. >> think the important thing is when all. the people that are angry with you hear. what you had to say tonight, they're. just going to calm down. >> Absolutely. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Well, I'm not really. >> I heard you out and I stand corrected. You're going to get you're going to see. a lot of that online. A lot of I stand. corrected. >> Well, I got to be honest. What I was. trying to do here tonight was was not.

connect with the people. I'm trying to. connect with the bots. >> because [laughter] they're the ones that. really seem to control the narrative. >> Yeah. So, if I could just get the bots. [laughter]. to stop telling the mouth breathers what. to be what to look at. [laughter]. >> Go to that speaker. It's going to take. over [laughter] there. [screaming]. [laughter]. >> All right, time for your time for your. medication. Um,

>> morons. [laughter]. >> Bill, >> you and I have been in it together for a. while. >> Are you breaking up with me? That was. like the most [laughter] I never. want to see you again. I never want to. see you. >> You presented your argument and I don't. buy it. >> Yep. >> Um, you've been a good friend. I love it. when you come on the podcast and I. always. >> I love doing the podcast, man. And I. appreciate you having me on, especially. during all of this You're a. real friend, dude. >> You're a real friend. >> Well, listen, Bill Burr, you're a man. among men and I don't know what that. means.

>> I don't know what it means either. >> You know what? Letterman, David. Letterman said to me once, I did. something that I said something he liked. or something. And he went, "Will Conan, you're a man among men." And for the. rest of the weekend, I realized that. means absolutely nothing. Nothing. [laughter]. >> I love the guy. He's a hero of mine, but. that means nothing. >> I didn't notice it the first time. The. second time you said it, I was just, "Oh, it.". >> Yeah. >> Other men, you are in fact a man. >> Yes. Bill. >> Bill Burr. Thank you so much. >> No worries. Thank you, guys. All right. [music].

>> [music]. [applause]. >> All right, we're back. >> I have no idea what's going on anymore. How much of the drink have you had? >> I'm almost done with her, actually. >> Is that one? Have you been having both. or you just having the one? >> I just I'm finishing her up and then. she's on deck. Oh, okay. All right. >> Okay.

>> Do Do you want an olive? No, I don't. like olives. I hate olives. I love olive. oil. Love it. Don't like an olive. >> Okay, >> little fun fact about me. And that's. going to light up the internet. >> Well, [laughter]. >> don't ever say I never set you up for. anything. >> You like an olive. [laughter]. >> Drives home. I earned my money tonight. >> Comedy gold mine. >> Back to Hianda Heights. >> Hey, >> HQ, baby.

>> H squ baby. All the way. >> It's worth. >> Where do you live now? >> Pasadena. >> Okay. Give an address. [cheering]. >> Pasadena. What? >> I'm just saying people like. >> my address. >> Yeah. People like to visit you. >> I'm not going to give you my address. >> Very cool. Oh, you've gone become one of. those, huh? All right. >> People who like their privacy. >> Yeah. >> Uh-huh. >> Yeah. Um, that's all I got. >> Okay. >> Yeah. >> Little wasted. Yeah. Matt, what you got? Well, we have some questions from the.

audience that have been pre-selected. Do. you want to go to those? >> Uh, sure. I'll take any questions. >> Okay. We're going to bring those people. up right now here to the front mic. >> Usually, uh, on the show sometimes we. take questions off of a voicemail, but. since we have a live audience, we. thought let's cut through the middleman. >> This is Catherine, correct? Hi, Catherine. Katherine. >> Katherine. And where are you from, Catherine? >> I'm from Canada. >> Oh, wow. Well, that's a pretty big. place. Which part of Canada? Uh, small. town called Maple Ridge near Vancouver. >> Let's just say Canada. Um, [laughter]. >> oh, Canada.

>> Okay. Drinky. Drinky winky. That's. great. Sona native [laughter]. land. Stand beside it and guide it. [laughter] How's it going? >> He's saying they ripped him off. >> I'm so sorry. I tried to let you have. the floor and then they took over. How. can I help you? >> That's okay. It's a very serious. question. Um, if you could switch legs. with any animal, what would it be. [laughter] and why? >> I'm sorry. Switch legs with any animal? >> That's my best question we've ever.

gotten. >> That is a spectacular question. >> That is a great. >> Did you ask that because of my leg to. torso ratio, >> which is famously way off? >> No. >> Okay. >> What animal's on your shirt? Cuz I feel. like you're trying to direct us and. >> I'm not, but I think it's a a snake or a. dragon. Oh, snake. Okay. >> Okay. Again, helpful. >> Hey, >> you already have animal legs kind of. >> I know. I feel like I already do. I feel. like I have.

>> like ostrich legs. >> That's what I was thinking. >> I have very long legs. I think if I. could switch, I would go for even longer. legs. >> You know what I mean? >> Like what would that be? >> I don't know. Um, what's got the longest. legs in nature? Giraffe. Giraffe has. long legs. Yeah, >> I might just go for even longer to make. my human body even more of a parody. Uh, so I might go for that. I might go for. really long. Did you have any thoughts. in this area? Feel free to jump in. >> I did think you might say flamingo cuz.

it's kind of similar to. >> They have very thin legs. >> Yeah, >> I think they would snap very quickly. >> You know what I mean? I'm very athletic. I run around a lot. I perform a lot of. athletic maneuvers. And I think uh. >> no one who does any sport ever says. athletic maneuvering. >> I do a lot of athlet. >> and I think it would be dangerous for me. to have flamingo legs. I need uh a. giraffe has stronger legs uh worthy of. me and also spotted and I am spotted. So.

my body is No one wants to hear about. this but my nude body is covered in. freckles. >> Oh come on. even parts that never see. the sun riddled with freckles, which. I've been told by my dermatologist, who. has since retired at 35 cuz didn't want. [laughter] to see me naked anymore. That. my nude body was a horror show. So, I'm. going to say uh yes, it will match the. rest of me. Entire body naked, freckled. >> Perfect. Thank you. >> Thank you, Catherine. >> She cannot wait to get out of here. Look.

at her. She's hailing a cab right now. >> Next up is Nora. Hi, Nora. >> Hi. How are you? >> Hi. Um, my question for you is when it. comes to friendships, what is a green. flag and what is a red flag? >> Very nice. >> Okay. Uh, green flag is they've seen my. work. >> They're familiar with it. They know the. whole URA. So, yes, of course, they know. the late night show. They're familiar. with the uh Simpsons episodes. They even. know some of my sketches on Saturday.

Night Live, but they also followed me. through the Turner years. And they're a. fan of the podcast. A red flag. would be not really knowing the whole. URA. Maybe just being a fan of late night but. then losing touch or just knowing the. HBO Max show but not really knowing the. stuff before that. >> Yeah, there's your red and your. >> How do you have any friends? I don't. have any friends. >> He doesn't have any friends. >> The name of this podcast. >> is Conan O'Brien and it's real. I have.

since learned that it's. >> driven people away. >> Yep. Um, would you like to add anything. because I always like to find out more. Did you have any thoughts on this issue? >> Um, >> what are your red flags? What are your. green flags? >> Red Well, green flags I would say, you. know, if a friend because I know this is. a debate, especially in Los Angeles, if. a friend picks you up at LAX, that is a. green flag. >> You know, as we learned tonight from. Bill Burr, it's way too depressing at. LAX. >> We We would not be friends. >> But don't you also think if you ask a.

friend to pick you up at LAX, that's a. red flag. >> Yes. I mean, it depends on the friends. I guess it depends on how long you've. been friends. >> What? >> It depends on how long you've been. friends. I think if it's someone you. just met and we're like of Uber and. there's just so many ways there's so. many ways to get from the airport. >> putting that on someone saying, "Can you. is it's up there with I have a wet couch. that I want removed from my ninth floor. apartment. >> I don't even know why. Yeah, it's wet.

It's soaking wet. Um, and I need you to. help me move it. >> That's so specific. I'm worried that. that's happened to me. >> It happened two weeks ago and we still. don't know why it was wet. >> Um, no. It's just It just sounds very. unpleasant. >> No, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't even. pick Tac up from the airport. >> And what's your. >> My husband I love him. >> So that's a green flag. What's a red. flag? And don't say not be willing to. take you to the. >> Get good. Um, maybe like leaving you on red.

for texts, like never hearing back from. them. >> Oh. >> Oh, ghosting. Ghosting. >> See, I knew the term ghosting. >> Yeah, that's impressive. I'm proud of. you. You're doing it. >> Yeah. Ever since Benny Blanco slid into. my DMs. That's how I. >> do that. Don't do that. >> I learned that phrase so I could sound. cool. Benny Blanco has never slid into. my DMs and I don't know how he would. >> He's never going to either. >> No, he's never going to. But I'm going. to keep saying it until people think. that I know what's going on in the. world. Mhm. >> Um, yeah, I uh I don't know about that.

Yeah, ghosting people was But the other. thing, too, is when someone sends you a. text, there's this immediate expectation. that you're going to respond right away. And I don't like that. I don't like. that. I like the olden days, the olden. times when a letter would arrive and I. would open it with my letter opener and. I would read it to my wife who's. suffering with chalera and [laughter] a. fog is rolling in and there's a little. pete fire and I read the letter and then. I think I shall respond but first a trip.

a trip down to the waters and [laughter]. then maybe a couple of weeks later I. write back. That's I'm from another. time. I'm from a time when people. responded. And this thing now where. someone just texts you at 4 in the. morning like, "Yeah." [laughter]. And then you're supposed to text right. back, "Yeah." And you don't. Criminal. Criminal. I won't participate in this. new world we we're in. I object. I. object. I object. I object. I object.

And you're with me, aren't you? >> Well, I didn't say time frame. As long. as you respond at some point. It's just. when you don't hear any. >> I lost track of what you were talking. about. Like, were you saying. >> I just had two cocktails? >> No. No. Were you saying that ghosting is. wrong or people don't respond quickly? >> I think you should have a seven-month. period to respond to a text. >> What? >> And until that seven months has elapsed, you have not ghosted them. >> Not at all. >> I don't know if it's a timesensitive. text, though. >> Like, um, your eggs are ready. >> Sure.

>> Whoa. [laughter]. Your poached eggs are ready. >> Example. Yes. Yes. >> My wife, this is true. She does it all. the time. She'll text me in the house. like dinner. I don't keep my phone on. me. I wander the house like a nomad. A. man free of his phone. And she'll say, "I sent you a text that dinner was. ready. >> What is this? You must shout up the stairs the way my. mother did in our house." I was going to. say I feel like you guys are different.

cuz you're probably like I was always. shouting in the house and she was like a. lot more sophisticated. >> When she when she shouts in the house, I. also complain. I complain no matter what. she does. >> Oh, good. Okay, that's good. >> It's a no-win situation for any wife of. mine. >> Yeah. >> Well, glad I got that off my chest. [laughter]. >> Thank you for your question. >> Thank you, Nora. >> Red flag and green flag. >> Red flag. Welcome, John. >> Hello. >> Thank you. I was going to say welcome. back. That's not right. It's like when. you're at the drive-thru line. I.

shouldn't do that. >> Hello. [laughter]. >> Got a tight 10 minutes you're going to. do right now. >> I know. I'm so sorry. I'm so. >> these people. [laughter]. >> It's a long walk. >> I was getting worried. >> No. No. How are you? What is your name? >> Good. I'm John. Nice to see you all. >> It's good to see you, too. You're You're. very uh performative. I like that you. have a almost a Shakespearean vibe about. you, and I love it. You just entered. This is the scene. >> A skull in my hand while I speak. Okay, now I'm scared. [laughter].

>> Yeah, but probably smart. Uh, so yeah, I. have a question. You're waving at us as. if you're angry, [laughter] as if this. question wasn't even one you wrote. I. did write it. Um, thankfully, I think. >> so. >> Hey, John, you okay? >> I'm okay. >> Okay. >> I was totally fine. And then something. about the past few steps, I was like, "Oh god, I'm walking up to speak with. Conan and SONA AND MATT AND JIMMY VINO. AND THE BAND. But you know what? You. shouldn't feel that way. They're just. people. [laughter].

And he's a monster, >> but an elevated monster on an ivory. throne. Please, uh, fire away. >> So, Conan, you've become a magnet for. cameo appearances in movies. >> Y, >> uh, thinking throughout history, if you. could slot yourself into any movie, which would you choose and why? >> Wow, that's very good. That's an. excellent question. Thank you so much. >> Yeah. WHAT? [laughter].

>> WOW. SODA. [cheering and applause]. >> NO, >> you know, it's paying off. The drinks. are paying off. >> Yeah, you're answering for me. Me and. >> Deep you cuz you know I'm going to go. with that cuz you would be so. uncomfortable and it would be really I'd. get into it. >> No, I don't think you'd be into it. I. think you'd be really uncomfortable like. uh guys. >> What? What? What do you mean? What would. I be doing? and be like, "Guys, don't do. you know her name? Are you okay, ma'am? Are you okay? Can I help? Can I get you. any water?" That's what you would be.

doing. >> I'd be offering her water. [laughter]. >> Wait, but is he not playing deep throat? >> What? >> What? >> You think I'm the one who's. >> Well, that you said deep throat. No, she. meant the movie, not the character. >> No, John's saying what? >> But you immediately put me as the one. who's on the receiving end. >> Yes, >> I did. >> Good lord. But I meant deep to that, too. I'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to make. it in this business. [laughter] I GOT TO. GET TO THE TOP AND I DON'T CARE WHAT I. DO.

>> I got to put money on the in the bank. Uh food on the table. >> Uh no, sorry. I didn't mean to. What? >> No, I can't think of anything else now. >> Oh, I'm sorry. >> I'm obsessed. >> I'm sorry. You me you meant like a. cameo. Like what movie would you want to. be in? >> Oh man. Wow. That's a really good. question. You could play Deepth Throat. in All the President's Men where you're. in the, you know, >> the Hal Hullbrook in the parking lot. >> How Brookbrook in the parking lot. Yeah. No, it's terrible. You just lost the. crowd. Um, [laughter].

>> all right. >> You can't see this at home, but maybe. you can. They're filing out. >> Yeah. >> But now they're coming back to watch all. the presidents. >> Yeah. Excellent movie. Uh, wow. That's a. really good question. Um, I would love. to be, you know what, one of my favorite. scenes of all time is, uh, one of the. Pink Panther movies with Peter Sers, and. I just watched it again the other night, where, and I can't remember, there are. so many Pink Panther movies, but he, uh, is getting ready to, uh, interrogate the. staff of an English manor, and he's.

upstairs, and he jumps on the parallel. bars, and then he dismounts and falls. down a flight of stairs, completely. humiliates himself, but shoots up and. then starts interrogating the entire. staff and um there's like a police. there's a there's a butler who's just. there watching it all realizing what a. fool Cluso is and I would just love to. be that guy. I would love to have been. in a scene with Peter Sers as Cluso. That would be my dream and just be the. straight man watching Cluso completely.

humiliate himself. Uh it's it's one of. my favorite scenes in any comedy of all. time. So I'll say that and then Deep. Throat. >> Yeah. and I'll do whatever it takes. >> I just want to work in the business. >> Thank you so much. >> Thank you so much. Uh we have time for. one last question. Jasmine, hi Jasmine. >> Hi. >> How are you? >> I'm good. That's my husband. >> Oh, really? Wait a minute. Did you know. that he was going to go up first? >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Okay.

All right. Did you ever say like, "Let. me go first or something like that?". >> I tried. He wouldn't let me. >> Interesting. Interesting. Wow. Okay. I. don't like that. I think you [laughter]. should have a little coup's counseling. with me sometime. Okay. >> Um, so, uh, I'm a middle school 6th to. 8th grade history teacher. >> Oh, good for you. I love teachers. >> I love it. >> Um, and I'm always looking for ways to. make history fun and engaging for the. kids. And I know that you're a big. history buff as well. Um, so my question.

is, if you were to take over my job for. a day, what fun and exciting things. would you do with the kids to get them. also excited about history? >> Oh, >> well, knowing me, I would probably dress. as a historical figure. >> Yes, I've done. >> just for my own amusement. And I'd come. in and I'd want to be that character and. inhabit that character and answer. questions. I would need to turn it into. an over-the-top performance. And maybe. I'd have several costume changes where. I'm different characters. >> They might hate it. They probably would, but I would just do that. I would do.

that and there's no stopping me from. doing that. And I would make it I would. I would be asking afterwards, "How many. laughs did I get?" And you'd be saying, "That's not important. You they really. needed to learn about, you know, uh what. happened at the Battle of Trfalgar." And. I'd say, "But how many laughs did I. get?". >> Oh my god. >> Um and uh so it would probably be. detrimental to the class. I would. recommend to them what I think is the. best podcast in the world, which is the. rest is history. It's a podcast that's.

made in London and uh it's with these. two amazing hosts uh Tom Holland and. Dominic Sambrook and they talk about. history and they're really funny and. they tell you these stories and I. there's like 800 episodes and I may have. listened to half of them and um it's. everything a podcast should be ourselves. included. It is informative but also. really funny and it's stories and that's. all history is and so I'm very. passionate about it and I think um I.

think some people tune out when you say. oh let's talk about history or you. should study history. >> they're stories they're the best stories. that. >> I'm sorry it just felt like the right. time I'm sorry [laughter]. >> I hate it here. I really hate it here I blame the fonda. >> [laughter]. >> those pathetic stars out on the. sidewalk. They're like postits. They peel them up. at night. That's what I would do. But.

anyway, yeah, I I mean, I'll give it a. shot with your students someday. Maybe. we could try it. What How old are they? >> Uh sixth to eighth grade. So, they're. going to hate me. >> 10 to 13. >> That's tough. That's a tough age. That's. a tough age. They're probably going to. I'm going to do my bit and then as I'm. dressed as Napoleon, they're going to. beat the out of me in the parking. lot. >> They're just going to whail on me. You're just going to see a guy in a. paper hat getting wailed on. His long. giraffeike legs [laughter]. fluttering in the breeze. >> You're going to get cyberbullied. >> I'll be cyberbullied. I don't even know.

Yeah, I'll have to My wife will help me. get online so I can be cyberbullied. [laughter]. >> I'm one of those guys that needs help. getting cyberbullied. Can someone. assist? >> My manhood is going to be questioned, but I can't get online. [laughter]. >> Well, it was very nice to meet you. >> Thank you. I like you. You're a nice. person and you're doing great work. Thank you for doing that. >> Thank you, Jasmine. [applause]. >> Sorry, I didn't mean to. History is. important. >> You stink. You're just [laughter] a.

You're a terrible person. You know, I. really don't love you. Um No, no. What. we have is should be bottled and sold as. some sort of uh poison. >> Exactly. >> Yeah. Um that was really nice. I've had. a really good time tonight. Have you. guys had a good time? Are you okay? >> Quite a ride. Quite a ride. >> Quite a ride. >> Yeah. Yeah. Quite a ride. >> Yeah. >> What do you mean? It. >> was a roller coaster. >> Yes. >> Yeah. >> Lots of different emotions.

>> Um, how was New York? >> Yeah. >> Good night everybody. >> What's going on? >> Son of Obsessian. Matt Gorly. I love. him. You know it. I know it. No matter. what I say. >> [music].