Bill Burr Doesn’t Like What’s Happened To Sports | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Well, you've changed your life a lot, right? You've you've cleaned up your act. a little bit. I mean, I feel I have. My. wife, I don't know. I just don't know if. I'm ever going to get over that hump. She's uh First of all, I love your wife. Listen, enough about you and your your. your private desires. I'm just saying we live in an. experimental age. We live at a time. I. mean, you're sucking an aluminum dick. I. mean, hey, and I have no shame about it. I got to tell you, the second Hold on a. second. The second the second the tie.

comes off. I'm telling you, man. This. guy he becomes a different guy. Yeah, there's always a clip on. No, my wife my. wife is is the is Yeah, she's the best. She's the best. You guys came over for. dinner and uh she's fantastic and I and. and it's like I feel I accomplished the. same thing. I found the right person. I. found someone who is on me. Uh. understands me. Uh does not let me get. away with Sometimes she lets me. get away with a little just because. she's like, "Uh, let him go." Yeah. Just. let him sort of blow out the lines a.

little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Let him. go. But yeah, Nia is amazing. Yeah, she. is. She is. But, you know, it's it's. it's constant like you know, you know, I. just when you're up like me, I I. do need I The one big thing in our thing. is I I had to let her know I I need an. add a boy every once in a while. Okay? You can't just every day be read. me the riot act. I mean, I know I'm a. up guy and I know that I'm. difficult to live with, but every once. in a while, you know, I did make waffles. this morning. You know, I don't remember. that being brought up.

Is that one out of boy anymore, by the. way? Is that just expected? Yeah. Boy, no one says a boy. No, no one says a. boy. How about there you go? There you. go, Cody. There you go. You did it. Look. at you. Look at it. Becomes real. passive. Look at big boy over here. It. becomes real passive aggressive. There. you go. There you go. Look at you. Must. be nice. Must be nice. I got that one. I. got that one from somebody who's. completely up their life. He. goes, "Oh, yeah. You know, you're out. there in LA doing things." He goes, "You.

Christmas is coming up. You got money. for gifts. Must be nice. Must be nice.". And I just like, "Oh, yeah, it is. Life. is pretty good when you're not doing. drugs, getting fired every two weeks.". So, I'm sorry. This guy is coming to you. with a real low bar. Oh, you know, must. Oh, no. That was it. That was it. Must. be nice. That was it. Must be nice. You. got some sneakers you can put on your. feet. Yeah. It's just It just was one of. those things. And I always told him, I. said, "Listen, dude. If you're in a. hole, if you're reaching up, I'll try to. pull you out, but if you're face down in.

it, digging it deeper every day, I'm not. I'm not getting involved in. that." And he just couldn't get his head. around that. And then he get I don't. know. The last time I talked to him, he goes, "I've been working out. I've. been working out." I go, "Oh, that's. great." Wait, I thought he was turning. his life around. He lost a fight to his. son. Wait, that was his workout. He came at. his son and lost. No, he was working out. because he lost a fight to his son. So,

he's like, "Oh, man. I got to I got to I. got to lay off got to lay off this. shit." It's just. No, but that's one of the things the. craziest motivation for I got to hit the. gym. I know. I'm signing up. Hey, well, what made you come in? Well, I'm. fighting my uh my my 17-year-old son, and he he got the better of me. So, this. that was my wakeup call that I need to. work out so I can beat the out of. him, right? And people always say like, why why is why are so many people from. Massachusetts funny? And I always go. like, cuz that is the kind of person you.

run into all the time. And he said that. without a bit of funny, wasn't supposed. to be weird or anything. He was just. straight up talking to me going like, "Yeah, man. He's he's strong now." I. mean, he actually like knocked me down. and stuff. So, you know, I've been doing. the curls and it's just like, do you. ever think of just like maybe going out. to like have a cup of coffee and figure. out what's going on with you guys? Like, I don't think you want you really want. to you don't want to fight your son. I. don't think he wants to fight you. No, dude. No, I know. I know. But still, you. know, just like, you know, it's it's one. of those uh and another thing, too, I.

always remember when you were in. Massachusetts is people would always, oh, you know, that guy. Oh, dude, that. guy's a character. He's a character. And. and everybody is like this like uh it's. it's like they're very like uninhibited. and and they get into like their these. these habits and these things that they. do and um and they don't realize like. how colorful they are and it's not until. you travel and you go back and you just. you come back to Massachusetts you're. like these you go to like I don't know. what it's like now because like sports. is like so I don't know I I can't stand.

the direction that it went into but when. I used to go to like tailgates at the. Pats game, you when you were. like drinking on Route One. We used to. park in this guy's backyard and then you. walk down train tracks, active. train tracks, people walking, holding. hands with kids and then you would go up. the under route one up the thing and. then walking and just the that you. saw, the stuff that people said. It was. a comedy show from all the way like. people trying to be funny, people not. being just being who they were. And then. you you get to your section before the.

giant, you know, screens took. over. Yeah. There was a class clown in. every section and I used to try. to be that guy and sometimes I was and. then there was sometimes there'd be a. guy funnier than me and then I would. just be entertained by him and that. happened at Red Sox games, Bruins games. big time, Celtics, all of those things. And um I think like these TV screens and. all of this that they have now is. it's just like crowd control. Like the. second there's a stopage of play that's. like you know they got these dumb races. and your section has to root for it to.

like win a t-shirt and. It's dumb. When you I was of the era. where my brother and I would go down to. Fenway Park without it. Just would. think, "Hey, let's go watch a Red Sox. game." And we'd walk down and you could. get bleacher seats. Oh, yeah. For like. eight bucks. Yeah. And we would get. bleacher seats and we would sit in the. bleachers. No planning. No. Like we got. tickets and we would go and we'd sit up. there. And what they did was they hired. this back when the red they stand on. Conan's shoulders and then pull himself. up over the green monster.

What's happening up there, Luke? Slide. down the Luke. Who's ahead? The Reds are. giving us a shellack. And then then the. beginning of his comedy career. Hey, you. guys were supposed to pull me up. you, you Redheaded And. then they go, "Hey, that's the title of my. autobiography.". That was supposed to be a surprise. Random house next year. you, you. redheaded I was doing a. pre-promotion for it. Thank you. Uh, no, but we would sit in the bleachers and. what was hilarious was they used to hire.

like football players, uh, these massive. linebackers from, I think, Beu, and they. would, you know, at guys with massive. necks, and they were the crowd control, but not professional crowd control. Their job was just if anything got out. of line, if they saw some people like. get having a little too much to drink. and maybe getting into it, starting to. fight a little bit, these guys with. massive necks from BEu would go running. up and they would whale people and that. was more, we went to watch that more.

than we could watch the game. Well, the. art of bouncing back then, it was nobody. knew how to deescalate a situation. It. was all just ramping it up. I I still. remember I was doing this gig at Nick's. Comedy Stop and downstairs was a. nightclub and I still remember the night. these guys they kicked this dude out and. I don't know if this guy ever walked. again. They basically it was a dance. floor, you know, you're in there super. loud, you know, Bel Bib Dvau. era, like that was playing, you. know, poison or something. And then you.

just heard this commotion. And I looked. over and I think it was two bouncers and. they had just grabbed this guy, picked. him up and started running full speed. with them. And there's like innocent. people there. And the crowd just parted. like that. And they they had him like 9. ft in the air. And the door jam is like. eight. And they were both running like a. 440 with this guy and like from the. middle of his back to the back of his. head just slammed into this middle thing. and he folded in half like a chair. Just.

threw him out onto Warrington Street. I. remember everyone like I like that you. can't I like that you can't get through. this without laughing cuz dude it was. that's the most Boston part of this. So. anyway, his spine is seven. No, but now like there was like no. cameras. So it's just like like if you. ever did that today, forget about. there'd be cameras. The owner of the. club would be like, "Dude, I'm going to. have a lawsuit every weekend. You guys are fired." So they just threw. that. Everybody was like, "Oh." And. everybody just went.

and then the music's still playing and. like it was the funniest thing ever as. far as like it took a good minute for. relaxed dancing to happen again. It was. kind of like. Yeah, it is B of DVO. No, it was definitely like the tone had. been set. I'll never be like they they must and. then they must have done that more than. once because they were working together. They just grabbed the guy. I knew a guy. that was a bouncer who said sometimes we. would just walk up to somebody just to.

start a fight and we just walk up to him. and be like, "Hey man, you got to get. out of And they didn't they didn't do. anything and they would just do it. hoping that they would because they you. know a lot of guys were on juice back. then and it was you know it wasn't the. the cream that they have now that also. has like a suntan lotion or whatever a. sunscreen in it whatever these guys have. now that's what I use it was the it was. the horse tranquilizer so they like. wanted to get into fights and uh I. somehow I avoided all of that I avoided. all of that like past a certain age.

I just stopped I was like these guys of. like people getting their ears. bit off and stuff you You know, I knew. this guy like, you know, used like his. party trick. He would eat a light bulb. I Oh, yeah. Gums bleeding, smiling at. you and it's just like, "Yeah, these. guys these guys better time. These guys. are on another these guys are on another. level. I'm just going to stick to the. comedy." And uh yeah, there was there. was some really uh interesting there was. a lot of characters back then. A lot of. characters.