Ayo Edebiri (FULL EPISODE) | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

[Music]. Hi, my name is Io Deborri and I feel. optimistic, hopefully not a misguided optimism about. being Conan O'Brien's friend. Hello there and welcome aboard the good. ship. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. I'm. the captain, Conan. Of course. Uh. there's the cruise director, son of. Obsessian.

Oh, hell yeah. I'd be a great cruise. director. and working down there in the engine. room covered in grease. Matt Gorly. Yeah. Never uh you never get. to come topside. No. I thought you were going to call me. gopher. No. Oh god, no. Around the around the. other passengers. No. No. No. You're. down. You were covered in grease. You're. hard of hearing because of the giant. turbines turning all the time. Yeah. You're rarely allowed out. In fact, when. the ship is sinking, you're not even. told it's sinking. Aw. Um, listen, you know I love you, man. Do I?

I don't think you. based on never been a single sign that. you love me. So, I don't know. Not based on my behavior towards you, sir. No, certainly not what other people say. Uh, no facts, no evidence. I think you. hate me, sir. I do not hate you. You just don't like me. No, I think it's Oh god, what's the. word? There's indifference. Oh, that's almost worse. leaning towards. rage. That's worse. Yeah, rage.

different rage. I don't have a word for. it. But listen, no, I of course I. respect you. Uh I think you do a great. job. Um I can't look you in the eye when. I'm lying. And it's just respect is is a begrudging. respect. It's a begrudging respect. That's true. I just want to make sure because we're. recording this a little ahead of time. and you know, one of the things we don't. do is we're not very topical on this. podcast, but now I've got it in my head today cuz. I don't think this is going to drop for. a while. We really can't be topical,

right? You know what I mean? Uh so I don't want. anyone saying, "Well, you know, next. week is that big national holiday or. hey, in two days." But we do know when. this is coming out, so we can say things. like Fourth of July is just around the. corner. I know. You still don't understand. I still understand how this works. I see. I'm suspicious of that. What if. we say that and then for some reason. this gets bumped, you know, because uh.

some huge figure says, "I'll do the. podcast, but it has to air on that. date." And we go, "Huh, we've already. got this all set for someone else and it. has to move." What if they wow, Fourth. of July? never people look out the. window and it's snowing, but it's still. Fourth of July and they live in. Antarctica. Oh, you see the twist I put at the end? Twist. What are you saying? That we don't have. big names right now and if we have one, everyone gets. these are big names. I'm talking about. the new Pope from Chicago.

He's not coming on this stupid podcast. My my cell I'm just saying what if my. cell phone rings and I pick it up and I. go, "Hey, Conan there." And I go, "Hello." And he goes, "This is a new. pope." And I go, "Wow. Oh my god, it's. incredible. Congratulations." Yeah, I'm. thinking I, you know, I used to be down. in Chicago and Diversity. I'd be driving. down Diversity and I'd be like, you. know, I I'm I don't like I like White. Socks. I'm not a Cubs guy anyhow. And.

I'd be getting my sausage and I was. thinking, I like this Conan podcast. I'll do it someday if I become Pope. Probably a 50/50 chance. That's a good Chicago. Yeah. And then he you know and you know. again now we are getting topical but if. he wanted to do the podcast that would. bump anybody. Yeah. And also I would want to ask him did you. use some of your Chicago. ways. to influence the conclave? What are you saying? I mean when you bring a knife you bring. a gun kind of thing. They bring uh black. smoke. You bring white smoke.

He was in there just going like oh. really you're going to vote for that guy. eh or that guy from Portugal? Maybe at the conclave he was walking. around behind them with a baseball bat. I don't I see you're going very. cartoonish and very big apologize. I. think No, no, you shouldn't apologize. I. begrudgingly. respect you. Yeah, I forgot this was a sober and. serious podcast. I think it's more like uh hey, you want. you wanted remember when you wanted to. help moving that couch? You know, you had that place over on. Sheffield. Remember when you had that. place on Sheffield? Who helped you move. the couch?

Hey, you're saying Matt's cartoony? Uhhuh. My pope. Whatever this is. My pope did a lot. My pope. He did a lot of favors for. people and also your poop is Dennis. Fina. Yeah, it's like he did a lot of favors. for people and also he knows the cops. He'll take care of that ticket for you. Yeah, but the guy in Rome, what's that? They weren't even in Chicago. Why is he. bringing up sofas he moved for people? Cuz he was always playing the game. He. was always saying like, "Hey, you from. uh where you Yeah. Yeah. Where from? You're from Thailand, eh?" Yeah. Hey, uh.

you moving out of that place? Yes, I'm. moving out of that. Hey, I can help you. Uh, couch. I got some guys that could. move it for you. You don't have to hire. anybody. You see, is it like he's it's like he's. controlling the alter boy union or you. know, he's just got his fingers in every pie. He's just he's he's he's pulling all the. strings, you know. That's how he got the. game. That incense fell off the back of a. truck. Don't worry. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. That just fell out the back of a. truck. Hey, don't be asking a lot of.

questions. Yeah. you know, and um and then uh he. becomes pope cuz he's just working it. Anyway, my original point is if this. pope if my cell phone rings and I hear, "Hey, this uh I asked a buddy of a buddy. of a buddy and he says I got Conan's. number. Is this your number there, Conan?" I'm like, "Yeah, this is my. number." "Hey, uh you know, uh I'd like. to come on that podcast there. That'd be. great.". podcast.

Come on that. podcast. Yeah, I like to come on that podcast, you know, and uh we could uh we could. get some uh some sausage and we could. close down a couple of streets for maybe. a blues fest and then uh we could have. that uh you know, anyway. And then I'd. be like, "Shit, we got to bump the guest. today. so that we can have that pope on." You. know what I mean? I'm glad you didn't stay topical. Yeah, cuz that's that was really important. Oh, these popes don't change too fast. This guy's going to be around a long.

time. I know, but he's not going to be the new. pope in when this airs. It's still a big deal. Eduardo's nodding his head. He still is. Even when this comes out. Oh, you think. in June the fact that there's a pope. from the south side of Chicago is going. to be an old story? This is big news. Is it that big? It's huge. It's new for at least a year. How old is. like a newlywed? You're a newlywed for a. year. Yeah, you're a new pope. He's going to be a new pope. And also. the fact that he's from the south side.

of Chicago. When he came out on a balcony, he was. wearing a white socks uniform. What What happens if we have Jude Law on. who was in a show called the new pope. and then we have to bump him for the new. pope? Yeah. What do you what you. got this this uh gory working for you? You know, you're on a good roll and this. guy brings up Jew. What the is a. Jude L? What the hell is that all about? How's. he helping you? It's a deep dish pope. Yeah. Oh, and who the is that Bl. guy making jokes other people have.

already made on the internet. What the. You're trying to do original. material and you got these two weights. around your neck. Pope saying, "What the fuck?". Yeah. Okay. This is very You're you're bor It's. borderline Andrew Dice Clay Pope. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And by the way, uh he did. some good work. A lot of good work. And. Clay, I have a lot. And he's also be he. has matured into a very fine actor. He's. been in He's worked with Scorsese ai ai. ai ai ai ai ai ai ai ai lot so I'm not. going to have him put down on my watch. okay. I I love it. yes did you know that a lot.

yes. that's not a put down I think it's. I don't know what the you're. talking about the problem here. and ble when did you see anything in. this conversation that made you think I. better get in there and help. I better jump in and save the day. you're welcome you're welcome here. I better jump in and save the day. this is a very anti- pope sentiment. coming from you isn't supposed to be. welcoming everyone in do you did you. think this was antiope I love this pope. I No, I It's not. What do you mean? I think you I think the pope is very. welcoming everyone in. You're being very.

anti- pope right now. How? How? Because you're welcome into. pop. Wait a minute. You think that me. applying that this pope used all of his. Chicago muscle to get the pophood meant. that and yeah, it's called the pope. That's what he's saying. He's saying. you're Conan. You role playing as the. pope. You're being very anti- uh Pope by. not welcoming anybody into this. conversation. Oh. Oh, that's just I thought you were. just on the Pope. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And and listen, um, you know,

I I apologize and I think it takes a big. man to apologize. I apologize to you, Matt, for ever questioning your addition. to this conversation. And Bla, when you. jumped in, I don't, you know, and said. that he's the deep dish pope. I don't. think anyone said that yet. uh that that. big big congrats to you. So, and thank. you both. Um so, let's get into it. Yeah. He lived in Peru for like 20. years, right? Yeah. But, you know, was he really was. he really there as much as he said he. was? I think he was leaving a lot on.

weekends to go to the White Socks games, you know, and check out the Bluesfest. So, the accent is still so thick for. just having lived in Peru for 20 years. But, okay. Was he really there the whole 20 years? I think he was. Yeah, I think it's okay. Let's check those plan records. I think he's bopping back and forth. He's like, "Yeah, I got to go to O'Hare. I got to get to O'Hare and then I got to. take the Versy to Sheffield and then I. got to see the Blues Fest and get some.

sausage and I'll get back to Peru. quicker.". Um, I don't know. I guess I'm going to. hell. Or maybe I'm in hell now. Maybe. this is hell. My guest today is a hilarious writer, actor, director, and comedian who stars. in the hit Hulu series The Bear. And. hey, to and guess what? Let me tell you. something. Oh yeah, she's huge. She's a She's a huge star. And so when you said, "Hey, are you. implying we don't get big stars?" We get. all the big we get the biggest takes. place in Chicago. That's what I was saying. That's why I.

said, "Hey, cuz the bear takes place in. Chicago.". Chicago. I'm excited she's here today. Io adri. welcome. [Music]. No, you okay. Wait, I forgot that this. is the start cuz you came in hot. So. then I started coming in hot. That's okay. I like it when we start off. hot. You came in uh and I I got to admit I'm. a little high energy today and and also. you're one of those people where I start.

doing bits right away. We ran into each. other at I don't know if it was an Oscar. thing or whatever. You and I were. somewhere. I hadn't I don't think we had. really formally met each other and both. of us doing bits right away like idiots. Foul foul behavior in public. Yes. But then you did me this great. kindness which is my my children and I. this is to their credit. Um they're not. having the whole Conan O'Brien stick. Never have. Never been into it. you uh.

made a quick video for my daughter who. adores you and you made a video where. you basically said, "No, no, your dad's. okay.". That's true. And I sent that to my daughter and it it. got me like 24 hours of solid street. It didn't look like she was in like a. hostage situation. Yeah, cuz I had I had my gun up to my. head anyway, so I brought my gun. Um. she did it all herself. She held herself. hostage while she made me a hostage. video. Well, I always carry on a gun in. a newspaper. A lady must. A lady must.

Um, but that wasn't the Well, that was. the first time that we met. But do you. remember the first time we should have. met? We should have met when I saw you way. across the street or I thought I saw. you, but I wasn't sure it was you and I. was with my real assistant, the one who. actually does things for me, David. Hopping. Come on. You. trained for like eight years. Oh, you. trained him. If you trained him, he. wouldn't be doing. But anyway, this is a dragger. This is like a I like. I was going to say a dragger, but that. doesn't make sense. But I just like the.

idea. Every Let's all drag each other. Just you. Wait, there's a terrible thing to say. Did you just say that to IO? That's terrible. Yeah, that's terrible. You made IO cry. I love her. What was that all about? Sona. all of you. That's how I drag. I'm not. good at it. Um, no. What happened was I was with. David and we were trying to figure out. there's a group of people across a wide.

street and we're looking and we're. thinking is that IO and we weren't sure. and then I thought should I cross the. street and say hi are you IO and then I. thought no don't do that I don't I. didn't know what to do so I didn't do it. and I didn't realize that you guys. so it was me Lionel Boyce who's also on. Bear with me and then Tyler the creator. and then one of our other friends. So, it's like we're like four black people. on Launchmart basically. And then we're. like, why is this like there's this.

white guy across the street who's really. tall and he's walking kind of weird. And. then. I have a limp. And then I was like, well that's well. that's like that's Shirley Conan. O'Brien. Like look at his head. And we. were. And then look at his head. And then Lionel was like don't be. racist. Like you can't just say like a. tall white guy and be like that's Conan. And he was like, "And Kona wouldn't walk. like that also." But then like now that. I'm also thinking about you, like had. this group of like four black people and. being like, "Well, surely I can't cross.

the street and just be like, "Are you. are you the famous one?" And then and. then also we were like, "Oh, that's. Well, he was kind of walking funny cuz. he kept kind of looking back, but we. were in this like weird Mexican standoff. of like recognition.". Also, you guys were kind of partway. behind a tree. and and so I see hiding. I see. Yeah. And um you know I and so I. I said to David and he was like I'm not. sure. And then I mean David is welcome. to come in at any point and straighten. out this mixup. Uh he might be off doing. some real running some real errands. Um.

but he's coming. Okay. Well, I'm sorry. I trained him. I taught him everything. You didn't teach him anything? But we. were trying to figure it out. David. wasn't sure. We weren't sure. And then. we got upstairs and I was like, I'm. telling you, I'm sure that was IO. And I. wish I had gone across the street and. said something. Is this the first time you guys have. confirmed this and talked about this? talked about it at. this Oscars party or something maybe or. something. Yeah. Okay, David. Here, David, you can. take my mic. You can take this mic right here. Take. someone's mic and uh. David, your disposition has been called. out as sunny before. Yes.

That's nice. I think so. I don't know. Amazing. This is him. And by the way, this is David in a terrible mood. Yeah. Hello. How are you? Yeah. I heard we're all yelling at each. other. So So David, um confirm what happened. You weren't sure it was IO. I wasn't. sure it was IO. And you were about to. like yell across the street and I was. like, you can't just yell going. Yeah. And there was a fear of what if I'm. wrong? And then I'm that guy who's just. like uh misidentifying. uh black people. A black person. Yeah.

And I didn't want to do that. No, you. can't even say that anymore. So true. But um I I I didn't want to be that. person. But then also we were like, well, we. can't just be like accosting tall white. to people and being like, are you like. are you the one of the most most. famously tall white man of all time. So, but then I felt like we were just. kind of like getting closer and farther. away at. and then we just kept walking. It was the perfect It's a two lane. There's traffic going two ways. So, it's not a narrow street.

It wouldn't have worked even under like. better circumstances. Like too much was. going on. I know. But, you know, we're here now. We're together. I'm so happy you're on. the show. We have a lot to talk about. because you were raised in Dorchester. Yes, sir. In uh Boston. And I of course from come. from the the nasty side of town in. Brooklyn, Mass. Uh. Dirty Dog. Dirty Dog. Um and you have been honored. I think you got. So, what? This is a real honor.

It is. It's like messed up. The Wasn't. there an IO day in Boston where all of. Boston uh on April 10th, the mayor of. Boston honored IO by declaring April. 10th IO a debris day in the city of. Boston? Excuse me. Has there been a Conan. O'Brien in Boston? Quick answer. You don't have Wait, you don't have a. day? I never had a day. Never. Oh, and what they're going to do. is say you have St. Patrick's Day. They're going to try and use some. Oh, cuz you're Irish. Yeah. Very good, Sona. Very nice. Very.

nice. You know what? You've gotten better. Hey, you're getting better at that, too. No, I've never had a day. And I'm. That's actually shocking to me. But. you've been like hasty put No, wait. Hasty is just women. No, hasty pudding is guys and used to. dress up as ladies, but now it's men and. women. Yeah. Wait, what the heck? What's going on? What do you mean? I don't know. I just feel like I You. should get Let's fix that. I don't know. What do you do? Did you go.

to Boston on your day? Okay. I kind Okay, I'm grateful for the. day. I'm grateful for the day. I had no. idea that it was happening. If I knew. that it was happening, I'm the type of. person where I would have not gone cuz. it just that sort of thing just makes me. so anxious. And so they were just like, "Oh, come to your high school." And I. was like, "Cool. I'll just like talk to. the improv kids." And then they were. like, "Actually, you're going to be. talking to kids in the auditorium.". Which is like my nightmare. Like I was. training to be a teacher and I quit. because high school children are so.

scary with their eyes. And then also. like the school that I went to is a. public school, but it's like it's for. smart kids. Like you have to take a test. to get in. Like it's that whole vibe. And every student there is like going to. become like a doctor of like Adams or. something like I don't know. Doctor of Adams. Uhhuh. Okay. I literally was like stupid for my. school. Like I was like, "Yeah, I'm. going be like a teacher and go do some. like improv at night." And everybody was. like, "Good luck, kid." Like you are a.

waste. And uh yeah, ultimately, but you got a day. But you did you go to. your school for your day? I did go to my school cuz I thought I. was going to just talk to the improv. kids and then I ended up talking to the. mayor and then the mayor was like, "I. have a surprise for you." And in the. clip, which I have watched, like I think. I look upset, but it's just cuz I'm like. dissociating to survive cuz I'm like, "I. can't believe this is happening." And I. also know that my mom's going to be so. annoyed cuz she's going to be like, "You. never tell anybody when you're getting a. day." And it's like, "Well, cuz I didn't. know I was getting a day." Yeah.

You never tell anyone. You're like, "You've gotten lots of days.". No, that's just like that's the voice of. my mother in my head. That's She's that. type of She's. Again, you get a day and I don't get it. By the way, Sona and I both have Boston. days, too. Yeah. This is You're always They're. always And they're not even from there. Um. handing everybody. You get them at the airport. Personal. As you get off the plane, they. hand you a day. Um, if you go to the Logan Duncan, I guess. you could get I think that's uh you're. on record for saying you think the.

Dunkin Donuts is better in Boston. You. can taste the difference. I do. Why do you know that? I know a lot of things research. I know everything about you. What am I thinking right now? Three, two, one. I'm paler than you thought. Oh, ultimately, yeah, probably. Yeah, you can actually see the veins in my. face and it's freaking you out. I'm like. I can see like the back of your ear. through your cheek. What the. You're looking at me like that model of. the the visible woman. Yeah.

Um the uh. Is it one tall man or two two two little. two smaller men? Um. we have things in common. We both grew. up in Boston. We clearly both like to riff and uh. screw around constantly and and be. silly. You grew up with anxiety. I think. like a lot of uh people that get into. comedy, I had anxiety, too. Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did. Pretty cool. Talk to your therapist. Okay,

your therapist is here. I shouldn't have put you under my like. my HIPPA exemption. I knew I shouldn't have done that. But I love that you um and and you're. very smart and you have very serious. parents who were they must have seen. this comedy thing coming with you. They. didn't see it coming. Oh, well, I think it just like they. didn't. Can I just say something? Can I say. something? I leave out of camera. Okay. Can I say something though? I.

noticed it too. You reached for that. tissue like Liberace or a magician. You. reached like this way. I mean, if we. have footage of it and then you plucked. it up and you did this big turn in the. middle of talking. I'm sorry. the mic. too. Were you. I thought a white dove was going to come. out of your jacket. I'm so sorry. It's like Pen and Teller doing ASMR. I'm so sorry. I was going to sneeze and I just thought. it was a Oh my god.

Surely nothing will happen. I'm here to visit the king of France. But first. Oh Jesus. I love that you didn't let that go. You are addicted to prop work. Oh my god. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. I was listening to an episode in the. car, not going to lie. Um, your parents serious parents. Your parents, they're serious people. You grew up in a. Pentecostal. Yeah.

Uh, well, yeah. But my dad wasn't really. that Christian, which also is funny cuz. I I was like. I I have these like memories of like. going down to his home office, which. also it's like, hey man, if you're a dad. and you got a home office, whatever. Anyway, but then I'd go to his home. office and then I would be like, "Hey, like. it just would be really cool if you came. to church just cuz like if the rapture. happens, me and mom are good." You know. what I mean? And you're going to be like. in hell. And he but he to his credit. would just be like I mean like maybe.

girl like he'd be like I don't think so, but thanks. Thanks. He's like I know how to get I'll I'll. take the offramp. I'll get there. Thanks sweetie. Yeah. So, I was like. low-key more religious than my parents. at one point. But yeah, I think that. like I all that kind of that was like. how my anxiety manifested like in like. and I had to be very prepared for my. future or like I kind of would care. about things even more than my parents. did cuz I was just projecting my own. sort of like fears about like. disappointing them or whatever. And so.

like I think I would just be like and. I'm going to be like a doctor of course. And they'd be like cool you're going to. be a doctor. And then my. sophomore year of college when I changed. my major I I was like well also then I. was like okay so I might not be a. doctor. I might be a teacher. And they. were like okay sure. Yeah. And so then. you know I was like I I not going to be. a teacher. I actually want to study art. And they were like yeah girl like you. know we you we've been raising you in. our house right? like every single thing. that you've done or you care about is.

like related to. comedy or the arts or whatever. Like I. would I would my mom would get really. mad at me cuz I would delete episodes of. Oprah cuz I was teoing your show and. like 30 Rock and like I was like I was. just like inhaling all that stuff. Yeah. And so they were like, "Yeah, duh.". Like, "Okay." But it was it was also. very like my dad was like, "Like like I. mean we can't help you. Like just as a. heads up, like we don't have any. connections. We don't have any like.

resources. So like if you want to do it, just you have to be. weird cuz your dad and I were very. tight.". And I kept saying, "I will help Io." And. he was like, "H, how could you help her. in comedy?" And I went, "Okay, this is. back in the 2000s, early 2000.". He's a tough He's a tough guy in that. way. He's a tough guy in that way. Yeah. I'd say, "You sure I can help her get. started in comics?" Like, "She'll be. fine. What What could you do for her. anyway?". Conan. didn't know I was. Conor Brady. Um, yeah. But then also.

like it's been cool like with them. I. feel like I've been learning more about. them since I've been, I don't know, whatever enough to to pursue this. And. like my dad actually went to Emerson. and his dad made him drop out cuz his. dad was like, "You're the oldest." And. like we need to get all these other. siblings from Nigeria over here. So you. need to get like a real degree in. something that like means that you can. be like, you know, stable enough to.

support this family. And then you went. to law school after. But my dad loves. movies. Like he wanted to make movies. Wow. Um and now he just comes with me to. award shows. That must be they must be. through the through the roof. Happy for. you. I mean that's a nice thing. I uh. it's interesting. So when you told them, okay, I'm going to take this. I'm going to take this shot at writing. We were straight up in an IHOP in. Randolph cuz I also was like, we can't. do this on home turf. Like we have to go. to Randolph. And we I I literally was.

like, I'll meet you guys at the IHOP. Mind you, I didn't get my license until. I was like 24 years old. So I'm like, they're driving me to the IHOP. And. or you took a horse. Um and and so then we're there and I'm. like not talking to them in the car and. they're like like they're like are you. like are you dying or like what's going. on? And then I just started bust like I. burst out crying and I was like I'm so. sorry. Like I changed my major without. telling you I'm going to study. playwriting. Like I want to pursue the.

arts. And literally they're like eating. like a like a short stack. Like could. not could not care. My dad's like, "Extra hash browns, like let's go.". Yeah, they they were so like supportive. My Yeah, I remember I remember very. clearly telling my parents on the phone. that, "Okay, I'm graduating. I've worked. really hard to get into this good. college. I'm going to graduate. I wrote. a thesis. I'm a good student. I want to. get into comedy." And I remember their. attitude was very much like, "Which one.

are you?". Oh my god. We got six just, you know, they were and then the minute I could. pay my own rent, which was really. quickly. The minute I was like out there. and established and paying my own rent. there, they didn't care if I was in. pornography. I was just, you know, which. I I was okay at that, too. You did that. I dabbled. Uh, okay. Fake fans, but it won't sound. Um, uh, I think it was the same. I think. also my parents were like, "Yeah, like,

are you good with money? Like you're not. going to be asking us to like buy. tickets to the Yuck Yuck Center, right? Like then as long as you don't need as. we all know comedy comedy folks us. getting extra tickets to the Yuck Yuck. Center big thing. Well, everyone everyone has to pay their. dues. But yeah, like they were like if. you're if you're good then we're good. And I feel like the moment that they. could also kind of start to brag like. Yeah. which is like even when I was like a. writer's assistant where they were just. like oh my god like your name is going. to be in the credits of something. Well,

you had a I'm impressed with this. You. had I meet young people that just say, "I want to be a star." And they don't. have any plan other than that. I just. want to be a star. And then um you meet. people that really have a plan. And you. had a plan, which was. get yourself in a writer's room as a. writer's assistant. And you gave. yourself time to do that. Yes. Yes. That was a very smart I mean, I look at. it now and I think, yes, that was a very. smart way to go about it. What was the plan specifically? get into.

a writer's room. Plan was I still have my education. degree. So, I was like, "Okay, I'm going. to give myself basically two years to be. able to pay my rent and if I don't then. I'll go back and I'll get my masters and. then I'll just get my teaching. certificate like for the state of New. York. But I'll at least be happy that I. tried." I think it's like I try to make. I don't know a plan that like I'll be. happy with whatever the result is like. genuinely like I have to be happy with. it. Like there's no I won't create some. I won't give like failure is not an. option. That's like very I feel like the. immigrant child of me. I'm like there's.

failure is not an option. So whatever's. gonna happen I have to be happy with it. and also be able to pay my rent. Great. And so that was that plan. And then I. ended up while I was still in school I. got the PA jobs um through a friend of a. friend who was working at Jax um they. were doing like Broad City and Inside. Amy Schumer um and Sam B at the time. And then I think I just kind of got a. reputation for like being very. hardworking. And uh then I got a. assisting job at the show called The.

Rundown with Robin Thi that was on BET. first for a season. And that's when I. got my first writer assistant job. And I. just basically was like talking to every. single writer's assistant I knew and I. was like, "Okay, like what's like the. average timeline for being a writer's. assistant to like getting an actual TV. job? Like what does that look like and. what do I have to do to do that?" Uh, and so then I was like, okay, I think I. can give myself like 3 to four years of. doing this before then I start to get. like crazy and a little like like I feel. like then that's I don't know when I was.

like meeting writer assistants where. they were like I've been doing this for. like eight years or something. I was. like oh okay like you're not you're not. happy doing this so that some and some. people are but that's just like how I. felt. So, I was like, "Cool, I'll give. myself like four, three or four cuz I. kind of know myself and I know that's. when I'll start to get like restless, but also then I was doing standup." And. um. yeah, you were attacking it on like five. different fronts, which is uh. I mean, but it was cuz I liked it. Like I think. I do like I have met people else where. they're like, "Oh, and so you were. gunning for this and you're gunning for. that." But it's like.

I think at the base of it, I also just. really like to learn. So I really was. like. I and I become very obsessed about stuff. and so like I just loved who I was. meeting doing standup that I was seeing. like all comedy for the first time in. New York and that I could kind of take. on a different voice on stage than maybe. what might be my my like first instinct. And then also like I started like. writing like shouts and murmurss pieces. with my friend cuz I was like okay my. end goal is writing not performing. That.

also is a thing like I really did not. picture myself as a actor or performer. It's interesting because I've I get the. sense you still think of yourself first. as a writer even though. and I think sometimes people are like. are you are you right in the head? Um. so there is something like where I have. like um a. relatively. not always on but I think I do have a. good sense of like stuff where I'm like. I can't do this or I don't want to do. this or like I'm not interested in being.

this thing. Even though something that's. been interesting about like acting more. is that I think it's like oh people. start to have a perception of you and. that's also why I'm like whenever I can. get the chance I'm like I I like I'm. like like I I have to do something. that's a comedic thing so that people. like understand like this is actually. like my brain and like my sense of self. and not just like like looking cool on. red carpet which I love which is great. and which is fun. Do you like the red carpet? No, but um.

but but I think it's like I can. appreciate it as another type of. performance and I think then also like. in this weird way I'm like that's closer. to acting than it is to me and also like. weirdly like drag. I'm like basically. doing drag of myself I feel like and I'm. like become this vessel for like outfit. and like hair and makeup and I'm like. that's actually it's like a it's. something else. I'm like doing like like. a heightened version of.

like like a pastiche of myself or. something. I don't know. But yeah, thinking of it that way helps me because. I I had an attitude a little bit early. on because I just was so much into I'm. just going to I want to do these ideas. and I want to do this weird show and. then they would say, "Okay, well now is. the Emmys and you guys have been. nominated so you're supposed to go and. walk the red carpet." And I had a little. bit of an attitude of but I don't like. this. This is what I'm about. And when I. was young, but I was also like this is. what I'm about. And then I it just.

occurred to me it's part of the job you. like get over yourself. It's part of the. job. And and uh find a tux that fits and. and stand there and get your picture. taken and smile. And of you know, what. do you mean you you don't love it? No. one. No one does. I Yeah. I mean, maybe there. are people who are beautiful, beautiful. freaks, but who are like, "Oh yeah, this. is what I live for." But I think. actually most people are literally like, "Get me out of my skin. This is this is.

so insane." And so many people are. yelling at me also and they found they. all have a different way of saying my. name and it's so weird. It's so weird. Um yeah, but yeah, it is. like where I'm just like, yeah, this. like this helps me make like get to be. done with it and then get to actually. make stuff. So like. you did um I you have an affinity for. physical comedy. When did you know that? Oh my god. Like you kind of like using your. physicality. Um, and is that something.

that you always had or is it something. you discovered as you as you went along? I remember I don't know why this memory. just came to me when I was 11 years old. I remember I did my last split. I did my. last split. I did a split and I knew. that I was like paramedics came. I was. like, "This is for real the last split.". I was like, "I'm done." Um, I have yet to do my last. Okay, we're first. Come on now. Brag, brag about it. But. then I remember my cousin came and found. me up the went like up the stairs cuz I.

was stuck like I was I was just like. stuck and my cousin started crying from. laughing and I was like okay maybe like. maybe. stuck in a split. Yeah. Many such stories in my life. I love them loading you into the. ambulance and you're still in a split. on a gurnie. Yeah. On a gurnie. 11 years old. They're pushing you through the hospital. court. It's like the pit but they're. pushing you through in a split. Clear. Clear. 17 ccs of harstoneone. 11-year-old stuck in a split.

Third one today. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to the pit. Special device. They have a special. device that gets you out of the split. Um Yeah. So, I don't know. I think many. cases such as this in my life. Um uh and. I think like also doing standup, you. know, where you're just like trying to. figure out your voice and like who. actually am I in between all of my. references and things that I love and.

admire or whatever. Um and one of my. like all-time favorites is is uh Cat. Williams. And when I think of like my. favorite jokes of his, I'm like, "Oh. yeah, they're the ones where he has like. very physical. Yeah. act outs. I mean like somehow not. sweating out that perm. God bless that. man." Um. and I think also like growing up in the. church, huge huge element of physicality. in that obviously um and performance in. that. And then I just like I don't know.

I felt like I just was like, "Oh yeah, I. have these really long limbs. Like I. wonder what happens when they just keep. going." And I like how it feels also. when I can play with like how little. space I'm taking up and how still I'm. being and then like how ridiculous and I. am I get to be too. I want to get to this because. occasionally in my life people have. asked me about directing something and. my answer is always I've never thought. about it. It's not something I aspire. to. I don't know anything about that.

You've got to find someone else. And I. realize that I have a vision and that. I'm directing things all the time when. we make comedy. But whenever but I have. dictating. dictating. Thank you. Uh with an iron. fist. Yeah. Well, I'm you know. and an iron dick. Yeah. Okay. Let's take it easy there. Take it easy there. I've been there. Years between you. I Who am I but a. spectator? I think of think of chairman Mao as a. you know a director if you will. Um, but.

anyway, um, I, uh, I know that you. directed an episode in season 3 of The. Bear, the Napkin. Yeah. Yeah. And was that something where you said. and you got an award for it? I got a nomination. I got a I got a DJ. nomination. Let's just I'm going to say an award cuz. once you get the It's an honor to be. nominated. You won the Oscar for best directing of. the TV show. Yeah. The first. First time it's ever happened. A lifetime achievement. an Oscar for TV.

show. For 75 years of work, you beat Lucille. Ball's ghost. and my mom was pissed. We were all really mad. We thought that. was up. Uh but um I at my age do. not have the courage to say, "Let me. direct that and you did and did a great. job." What drove you to or what did you. summon in yourself or were you. encouraged by the creator of the. Definitely encouraged. Definitely. encouraged. Um, I've known Chris since I. was like 22 and I think well the first. time we met it was at a John and Vidies.

and if Chris is a there's like probably. two. this is Chris Stoer. Yeah, there's probably like two clear. pictures of Chris store like online cuz. he does not go outside. That man is. inside. Um, and like like and it's aided. by his own like also like like he missed. the Emmys where we like the first Emmys. where we like won everything cuz he got. co cuz he went outside the house like. like but he was also like get to be at. home like it's that's very Chris's vibe. So we met at a John and Vinnie's and he. was like yeah listen I'm probably going.

to be here for about like 30 minutes but. um I've met you we're going to work. together again and also you're a. director and I was like cool see you on. set whenever. Also, you're crazy. And. then bear started happening again maybe. when I was like 26 or something. Um yeah, 25, 26. And um and that whole. time like we would just talk about. movies, TV shows, things that we liked. and writing, producing like we were just.

always talking about these things. And I. at the time didn't realize it, but he. was speaking to me as if I was another. director and would ask me questions, thoughts, and also ask me why. Like why. was I thinking this thing? Where was it. coming from? Oh, what would you do? Or. oh, that's interesting. Like here's this. story. Oh, maybe when you work on. something else, you should talk to the. other director like see how that goes. And then kind of around the second. season, more intentionally, he was like, I'm thinking about this thing for you. Like I think that this could be cool. Or. do you think that this could be cool?

And if you do, like, are you going to. put in the work? And so then I just. really. I think I was nervous about I don't like. undertaking anything if I'm not going to. um be able to like do my best. And um so. I just really was like, "Oh, okay. I'm. going to like try to learn top to bottom. what this actually means." Cuz I think I. also didn't really have. an idea of what that job actually was. Although you had been around, you'd been. on set and you had been directed. So you.

probably had some sense of okay, this is. single camera. I kind of see what. they're doing here. Yeah. But like what does it mean? And. also like can I do this if I feel like I. don't know everything about every type. of camera and every type of lens, you. know, like I think I my fear was like I. had to know everything. But then it's. actually like well you should know a. good amount but also like be able to. know enough to help facilitate the. people who like who actually are experts. on the thing. I feel like and yeah. Yeah. So anyway, he just really aided me. And then I.

think I remember during bottoms Rachel. and I were talking about it and we were. like, "Oh yeah, like we do also do a. certain amount of like directing and. like thinking about things and shots and. we do have like ideas. You have opinions.". Yeah, we have opinions but they're not. just like based in us being actors also. like we are thinking about the shot. Like we are thinking about like what. would be funniest for the frame or like. okay like did make sure you get this. insert actually or like even though me. as an actor I might want to do this joke.

in a certain way because it would serve. my performance like actually if I if I. do less here it's it's better for like. the movie overall or if I you know like. whatever things things like that and so. yeah then I just uh kind of just kind of. went in and everything every day that I. wasn't working I was on set with Chris I. was shadowing him or I was shouting. other guest directors. Then if I wasn't. on Bear and I was on another show, I. would basically be shadowing the. director even if the director didn't. know it. So, do you have the bug now? Do you see.

do you see yourself directing more? I do, but not anytime soon because I. mean unless something comes up that's. like really, you know, I don't know, something really cool that is like. inspiring me. I think it's a sort of. thing where I'm like, "Oh, I actually. love this so much that I want like to. take my time and have the next thing be. really right." And um I'm like writing. again for me too. And or not for me, for. myself, for other things too. Um cuz.

I've I've missed that also. Like I've. missed in a weird way like being in a. room just writing for other people who. have like other things that they can do. And so I've been writing again. And you. you co-wrote an episode for season 4. Yeah, I did. Yeah. Which I'm excited. which I'm excited about. That I mean. I just anything you can do uh the best. quality to have is just to be curious. and be kind of voracious. and just I want to know more. I want to. know more and I want to evolve. And uh.

that is also I mean it's at the risk of. this turning into a seminar. I think. these are all really good things for. especially young people starting out to. hear that there is no secret formula. Also, luck is a huge part. Luck is a huge part. I mean, people that don't give it up for luck, I. need a. beating. Give it up for luck. Give it up. for luck. No, but even like I feel like lucky. enough that like when I was in rooms. that the people who were like my bosses. were also people who fostered curiosity.

Um, I worked uh I worked on I don't know. I'm big mouth and like Nick is somebody. cruel is somebody cruel um brackets but. like Nick is somebody where I'm like oh. you're very curious and also like you. know that like. when you are checking out young. comedians who are doing things that. people are responding to and you're. still making sure you get time on stage. and you're figuring out like what's. going on. you're inviting these people. to like be collaborators and share those. ideas. Like that only makes you better.

Like that keeps you active. Like that. keeps you going. Um and you actually let. those people like work or like if. they're interested in certain areas in. the room or on stage or whatever, you're. like you're bring you're bringing them. around. You're like showing them. um these things. Yeah. I know. I always say you you make a. decision early in your career. Um be. threatened by other really funny people. or just go towards them and and try and.

try and evolve. Go towards them threateningly. That's also. go towards Yes. Well, that was imply. Go. towards them with a mallet or a large. stick. and then try and beat them until they. get out of the business. Clearing the. path for yourself. and and others. I attacked Oden Kirk. I attacked Odin. Kirk many times back in the day in the. '8s. That's like that's somebody else where. it's like he and Naomi when I first came. out to LA they let me stay in their. guest bedroom like where. did you get the bill yet? Um yeah.

cuz they did that with me too and then. later on $600,000. for three months. to be fair egg in the room but um. quite a pretty penny which. you're free to keep. Quite a pretty penny. I also want to. congratulate you on becoming I mean you. started this joke which was an you. improvised a joke about being Irish and. then you kept going and there's this. crucial point where um a joke either. becomes like okay that's enough I've. done it enough I should stop or you.

double triple and quadruple down on it. and refuse to let it go which you did. because you made a joke about being. Irish and now it has resonated so much. that The people of Ireland have accepted. you as one of their own, which they will not do with me. Oh, sorry, brother. I am a figure of great shame in Ireland, but you. all the accolades. You are you get you got a day in Boston. and you're revered by the Irish people. I am rightfully loathed by the Irish and.

never a day in Boston. Yeah, I think your day could come um is. what I'll say about that. I got to keep. at it. unclear about the Irish. relations. We'll do we'll do the best. Yeah. I just. like I think like I remember talking. about this with a friend. I was like my. favorite type of joke lowkey might be a. lie. Like something where it's like it's it's. almost not even funny. It's mostly just. funny to me. And I remember in that. moment I saw like my like my like PR.

She was at the corner of my eye and she. was kind of like no no no no no no. Um. because I was just like it was just. depends on what the lie was. nonsense but it was just me being like. oh well yeah you know I was up in. Ireland and I was kind of chilling and. she was like okay sort of mental. breakdown sort of on the horizon. Um, and then yeah, I don't know. It just. kept going. But then also like other. Irish people too have been like, "What's. up?" And I'm like, "Yeah, what's up?". Didn't you claim that you you were the. donkey? You were the donkey and banshees.

of. I'm a good actor. I a very good actor. I. can do comedy and drama. and animal work. Animal work. I'm sort of like the Andy. circus of the Equin family. You just you. I love it. Your attitude is don't put me. in a box. I can be the donkey and. banshees of inner sharan. That's true though. Yeah, exactly. You can. I uh I've owe you an apology. I really. do. We'll think about how I feel about it.

Yeah. Um how much longer do we have on. the clock? You have uh six more days here. Great. Yeah. We're going to bring in some water. for you. On day four, I will have made a. decision. Um it is a delight talking to you. Really? It's over. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. I mean, we can go more. if you want, you know, but what are we. really going to do? You know, and you're. going to quickly look at me and go, "God, he's so sickly.". Um. or or. I don't It's fine. Yeah, it's all right.

The hell was going on there? I was like I don't know. I thought maybe. that was a doorbell. I thought it was a. doorbell you were doing. He is sick. He's terminal. The um. And also, I'm going to tell you. something. You were late. You were three. minutes late to this podcast. Wow. Wow. But um listen, I just, you know, I think. professionalism is important. Okay, then I'll just say that for real. For real, like you're on like one of my. I mean, you're talking about your. influences. I feel like you're one of.

mine and in a major way. So, this is. really. Oh, cool to get to be here. with you. before we put you on a. ventilator. Yeah. That ventilator's coming. I am I am uh I get a lot of optimism and. energy by meeting all these young people. that are out there doing it the right. way and and so talented and taking all. these chances and doing such good work. And you also have just such a great.

spirit. So, it's a joy having you here. I hope you come back. Next time I see. you way across the street, I'm Let's run into oncoming traffic. I'm going to run into oncoming traffic. I would love to see you have a. conversation with Tyler the Creator. I. mean, that is that would be great. Know who he is. Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah. You don't. No, I've looked him up in the in the. phone book. He's creator comics. Tyler. Tyler the creator and the destroyer. That was great. He doesn't even know who. he is. Everybody knows Tyler the creator. He's.

the creator named Tyler. He's in the phone book as creator, Tyler. the. Oh god, these people. Idiots. You're. surrounded by idiots. Surrounded by fools, charlatans, half wits dragging me into. the muck. As if you don't know creator Palmer. As if I don't know. And all sorted creations. Things he's created. Oh my god. Don't get me started on the. things.

Tyler's created. Don't waste your breath. Start at the top. I know, but don't. Oh, IO stopped me. from the longest list of Tyler's. creations. They don't deserve it. There isn't time. You're right, Io. Uh, thank you so much for being here. Come. back anytime and um you make me happy. Okay. Like in 2 minutes or. 20 minutes? Great. Give me a 20-minute. break. Bye. [Music].

We're going to go back to something we. did way in the early stages of this. podcast before. It was. like 1976. Yeah. It's maybe one of the dumbest. things we've ever done on this podcast. So, uh, I was absent for at least an. episode. I think it might have even been. more than one episode, the around the. Bob New Hart episode or something. And. this was back in the early days when I. wasn't really on the mic that much. And. you used Adam as me, as a stand-in for.

me, and never mentioned it on the. podcast. So, he would just say as me, you'd say like, I'm here with Matt Gory. and he'd go, "Hi.". Why couldn't we just Why couldn't we. just admit that? Well, I'm glad because it it ended up. being this thing that when I came back, we decided to play a game with the two. of you where you turned around, closed. your eyes, and Adam and I both took. turns saying hi, trying to get you to. figure out which one of us was was me. So, you guys remember this? Yeah. Yes. I. do remember I do remember this I do. remember this being. and this is really saying something for.

me. height of idiocy. and for me to say that. Yeah. And there was also no question. when it was Adam and when it was me. It. wasn't even like. also the the the part that made it the. dumbest is that we just kept taking. turns. So. and we didn't randomize it at all. cuz we didn't think about it beforehand. So, what we're going to do today is. we're going to try it again. Okay. And then we're also. I know. we're also going to add in Eduardo and.

Blade to the mix after that. We'll do a. round with just me and Adam. Okay. So, you guys are going to have to turn. around. or close your eyes. And Adam, you got to. come over to my mic so we're in the same. area. Still, do we do this? It's more that you have to close your. eyes. Okay. I also I have my eyes closed and my head. down like I'm very sad. I know. Okay. And we will randomize this time. Oh, wait. I'm This means I'm off mic. I. forgot about I forgot about the. microphone. Here we go. All right.

Hi. Hi. That's good. That's Adam. That's. Adam. Hi. That's Matt. That's Matt. Hi. That's Matt. That's Matt. Hi. Oh, that's interesting. Can we hear that one again? Hi. That's Matt. That's Matt. Hi. That's Adam. That's Adam. Hi, Matt. Hi, Matt. Matt. Hi. That's Adam.

Your voices are so different. You guys, I have news for you. But also, you can open your eyes. Three different voices. Yes. I want to I want I'm proud to tell. you you scored 100%. Yes. What? It's not that. Oh my god. You know what? Your personalities come. through even in in I mean it's barely. Was this hard the first time? No. No. You got the first time. We didn't know you as well then. Yeah, I know. That was in the early days. Okay, now the we're going to do it with. all four of us. Oh yeah, that's going to be tough.

I don't know. Eduardo. Eduardo says hola. Our range is kind of. Ardo's going to say hola. And Bla is going to go, "Hey, and everyone's going to have to adjust. the board." Matt tried so hard to make. his voice sound so different. It's always the same. I love I love this game and I don't know. why and I love it. It's fun. It's fun. And I do have to say you have. to really concentrate. But people can't. hide their essence, you know. It's true. Oh my god. Okay, so you you two come over here and.

Adam as well. Stupid the way we're crouching and. closing. Quiet. You got to take this seriously. We're so stupid. And then we'll make sure we're all on. the camera. I can't believe this is my job. Okay. photo is going to be incredible. All right, here we go. Oh my god. And Sona, you have to wait a second. You're just upset cuz I guessed it. before. No, it's not that. It's. just lean in. cuz sometimes Okay, go ahead and let's. three, two, hi.

Well, that sounds like Eduardo to me. Same Z. Hide. Oh, who? That still sounds like Eduardo to me. No, that sounds like I think that's. Adam. Hi. Hold on. They're coming too quickly. Say. again. Hi. That's. Bl. That's I'm going to say that's Matt. Hi. That's Matt. That's Matt.

Hi. That's Eduardo. Yeah, it's Eduardo cuz I think it has a. till day on it. Jesus Christ. I I I felt it till day fall to the floor. and make a clanging sound. Hi. That's Eduardo. That's I I think that's Adam. Um I think it's. Let's see. I think it's Adam after he's traveled.

He spent some time traveling. Uh and. he's been watching a lot of football. Hi. Oh my god, that's that's Matt just doing one of his. bits. Hi. That's got to be Blair. Bl. Hi. Just going so soft that we can barely. hear you is a technique. Try it again. Hi.

That's Bl. I think that's Bl. I don't think Bl's capable of being that. quiet. But it was such I was going to. say it's such belabored whispering that. it. when Blade goes through when Bla goes. through the TSA the wand goes off and. they confiscate 35 exclamation points. Who was that? Who was that? Conan, that. last one. Uh, let me hear it again. Hi. I'm going to say I'm going to say. it's Bl. Okay, we're going to do one last round. Hold on. You have to tell us how we did.

We will close your eyes. We're going to. do one last one where we're going to do. four in a row. It's going to be each one. of us does one and you have to say in. order which one of it is. Okay. Hi. That's mad. No, don't say it. Just Just remember. Oh I'm not going to remember. I'm. in my 80s. Here we go. We're going to start over. Hi. Okay. Hi. Hi. Hi. Okay. I think it's Adam first, then.

Matt. What do you think, Sona? Adam, Matt, Bla, Eduardo. Yeah. Okay, we're opening our eyes. Yes. Wow. Okay. This was a lot more difficult for you. guys. Yes, of course. A lot. You got You only got four correct. The. both of you. The both of you. And what were the mistakes that we made? Um, besides hiring. I'm not sure. But that last. I'm so glad I wasn't around for the. first version.

The the last one with the four of us, you both got right. Yes. All four in a. row. I didn't even have my headphones in. the whole time. Did I? You did. Oh, just kidding. Why would you lie like that? I thought you did. You're a sociopath. You know what's so great about this. game? Who lies about this game to in order to. How competitive are you? I don't think I have my headphones on. We have video. We do. What are you talking about? You're the. ones going like No, you can't just do it. quiet. You You had all these complaints.

Hold on. You always You always have to. complain about the game when you're kind. of like teetering on success. I listen to me, please. I It's about time someone listen. to me on this podcast. When do I get a chance to speak? Boy, said the idiot. Um. I do think it's a little unfair when it. gets down to. you're just like, "Okay, now it's just a. little bit of air." That's all. It's me. Maybe I'm being a little fussy. Fair enough. The great thing about this. game is it's not only fun and smart, but. listeners can play at home as well. Oh.

yeah, that's a really good point. And you know. what? If people play this and enjoy it, um, we will figure out a way to make. this into a game that you have to. purchase. Yeah. Home home edition. Voice box and you press it and someone. says, "Hi," and you guess. Remember on Family Feud? You're talking about a machine. I was. thinking it' be like an app or. something, but you're talking about an. actual machine. I would thought you meant like a board. game, too. Like on Family Feud when they. say you get to take the board game home, you know? You know what we could call. it? We could call it make hay while the.

sun shines. And there's a little box and. you hit it and it gives you a hay. And. if you correct, if you guess which of. all of us it is, you get to advance your. piece. Yes. Or hay maker. No, it's hi. We're saying hi. They've. been saying hi. Yeah. I It comes across as hi. I mean, doesn't it sound like hey to you? Hey. No, we just heard it like 40 times. It's. high. It's always been a high. No one ever. said hey. This game has made everyone so.

but that is why we should call it make. high while the sun shines. Make high. while the sun shines. It sounded like hey to me. I know that I. have a problem. You do. I drink before the podcast and. afterwards. Could be a fun drinking game. If you get. it wrong, shotty shot. Yeah. But we need to figure out a way uh. to make this something that we can. profit from. And I don't want the. profits going to some charity. I want. So I'm sorry, but. we need to You said.

No, I don't want. No, I said you we need to make this a. game somehow. We need to make it a game and then we. need to profit from it. And I don't want. to hear about these sick kids. I'm sick of that. Wait, hold on. What What is this Wii? Cuz Adam and I came up and designed this. game and we we we spent a lot of time on. it. We met outside of podcast. So you're basically you work at Apple. and you just went to Steve Jobs and. said, "Well, I thought of it while. working for you.". So I don't think you should. I'm an independent contractor. I'm not.

in any kind of like. Oh, you think that's going to work on. Steve Jobs? He's going to just He's. going to he's going to start his head's. going to start quivering a little bit in. his black turtleneck and then your your. brain is going to explode. I'm taking this straight to Smartless. No, you know what? If it's just the two. of you saying hi with no one guessing, it's just two dicks in a microphone. And. so we add another title. That's the. name. That's the name. Two dicks in a mic. Two dicks in a mic. That so many dicks. And I think all of us need to sell. Two. dicks in a mic would sell. And um well,

you know, just call it four dicks in a. mic is a good title. That's better than. my you know, God, I thought they said. hey and they said hi. Whatever. Okay, that was wrong. Um but I think that I. think it's called four dicks. You oversimplify. You thought they said. hey after you heard them say hi so many. times. Do you know that I was in a lot of. accidents when I was a kid? My a lot of. head injuries and that I was beaten. constantly by my brother Neil and still. when I go home to Brooklyn, Mass. I'm. still beaten by my brother Neil.

Okay, then we could call it hey and just. say hi. No, no, no. We've got the title. One, two, three, four, five, six. No, it's. four. What do you mean? Cuz you have two people at home. guessing. I mean, if it's a home. version, it's six of us, right? All of us saying hi. Yes. So, it's. You guys have Your voices are too. distinct. You can't. I can change mine. Listen to this. Just say hi. Why aren't you saying hi? Cuz I'm I'm too outside the box for. that. You You always want Picasso to. paint inside the lines.

Can you do hi like gorals? Hi. That's Gorl and Michael. That's Gorl and. Michael Jackson. Oh my god. So, do you try. and in the background you hear bubbles? I'm going to do it. Hi. Okay, you're just getting quiet when you. get anyway. Hey, if you're interested. Oh, that was a good one. Excuse me. Hi. If you're interested in six dicks and a. mic. being uh a game and listen, this isn't.

some free thing. This has got to be. something. People are going to think that's porn. Six dicks in a mic. That's why they're going to buy it. Then. they're going to get it and they're. going to think, "Wow, what is the mic? Why is there not a. camera? Sticks in a mic.". And you know what? If people buy it. thinking it's porn and then they find. out that it's this they get in the mail, this cardboard board game with pegs with. our faces on it and a little box you hit. that randomly goes, "Hi, hey, hi.".

Now, we have to make this. We have to. make this. That's what's in the box. But. on the cover is just a like dude named. Mike and. shirtless all oiled up. Yes. That's the cover is six dicks and a. mic. The cover is very male porn. And. then you open it up and it's this game. that we And Adam, I want to make sure we. we the worst people make this. that it's very cheaply made. And do they still can you still get I. want to be made of something that's kind. of toxic. Is Yeah. Is there a Parker brother who's been.

outcast from the other Parker brothers? Yeah. Parker Posie. It's Parker. It's. Parker Posey. Um anyway, we're going to. uh be looking for this soon. It's going. to be available six dicks in a mic. Coming soon to an alley near you.