Atsuko Okatsuka (Full Episode) | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Hi, I'm Otskcoatska and I feel honored. and a little suspicious about being. Conan O'Brien's friend. >> Now, where does this suspicion come. from? >> It's too good to be true. >> It's really not when you get to know me. [music]. >> Hey there. Welcome to Conor Brian Needs. a Friend, joined as always by Sonum. Obsessian. >> Hello. And uh wow [laughter] that was. >> hello you sound in Austral.

and uh Matt Gorly and I'm happy I've got. a bubblegum cigarette. >> Uh yeah. >> it puff puffs like. >> candy puff cigarette. Look at it. >> Yeah, it's got a little powdered sugar. in it. Um David Hopping. um from my birthday gave me a bunch of. boxes of uh candy cigarettes and um yeah. it looks like smoke's coming out cuz you. blow a little powdered sugar but. sometimes I have them hanging out of my. lip. They're just up in my office and he.

sent he gave me a lot of them. I'll be. honest with you. >> Do you think you look cool? >> I think I look super cool. >> I think you do kind of look cool. >> Yeah. And you know me I'm always kind of. fascinated with smoking me. >> because it would be a great prop. Uh, it. would be a great thing to have. Also, I. like all the accutraant to go with a. cigarette, you know, the really cool. lighters and maybe that little, you. know, art deco cigarette case. >> The one that stops a bullet, you know. >> Yes. >> Yes. Very. And I always think I've never. seen a movie. >> I always think, yeah. So, I've been.

trying to gauge when I can start. smoking. Now, listen. Let me go out of. my way to say, uh, people don't smoke. You shouldn't smoke. No one smoke. It's. bad to smoke. >> But you want to time it with when. >> I want to time it. I feel the same about. heroin. >> Yeah. [laughter] What? >> I'm serious. >> Yeah. Well, you know, people these. amazing experiences and you think, I. don't know, when I start to get, you. know, to within a certain amount of time. before uh my my my clock is going to run. out. >> Yeah. >> Maybe I'd start smoking and maybe I'd be. a really cool looking old guy who's.

smoking and I have a really neat like. sort of gold Dunhill lighter from London. and I have this little case of. cigarettes and I pop one. I got one. going on the side of my lip. It's. hanging off right there and people are. like, "Wow, he's really cool and he's. going to die very soon because he's. old." But what do we think? Is that. something that's viable? I mean, I don't. think I'll do it. But. >> it's like if you get diagnosed with. something terminal, like when you're. like 85, 90, is that what you mean? Then. you'll start then you'll take up. smoking. >> But the minute you're diagnosed with.

something like that, they're like, you. know, no, this medicine we're giving. you, there's still a chance. They never. say true. They always say there's still. a chance. doctor say, "You've got. exactly a week. Here's some heroin. [laughter] Go for it.". >> The doctor's giving you heroin. >> Well, my doctor. >> I want my doctor to say, "You have 45. years left, but um you this won't really. kick in till you're 50 for for 55 years. if you smoke these unfiltereds.". >> So, you know what I mean? So, I get to. enjoy smoking a cigarette for a really.

long time. >> I see. Okay. >> And trust me, I think I would hate. inhaling smoke. What I basically do want. is a more convincing bubble gum. cigarette. [laughter]. And I want a lighter. It puts a little. extra sugar powder on my cigarette. >> It caramelizes it. >> It caramelizes my bubble gum cigarette. >> I want to smoke. You just want the. accessories that come with smoking. >> That's what he's saying. Yeah, >> I know. But it's like you don't actually. want to take up smoking. >> I want though something hanging out of. my lip that I can play around with. Do. little tricks. I can blow smoke.

>> Some weed. >> What? Wheat? >> I don't know. [laughter]. Give me like a a piece of like a farmer. >> toothpick doesn't weed? Oh, that's the. same. Yeah. I love it if all my Noir. detective movies had Humphrey Bogart. chewing on some wheat. >> It's the opposite effect. >> Yeah. And he's like, "Of all the dames. to walk into my place, she walks into. mine. Look at those gams. Chomp, chomp, chomp. What is he? A horse? I could wh. away the hours. >> I'm just thinking other things that.

could hang out of your mouth that can be. acceptable. And the first image that. came to my mind was wheat that a farmer. does. >> Celery, a rudabagga. >> No, a toothpick. I think a toothpick. like cobra. >> Yeah. That doesn't match really looks. like you're trying hard. >> Yeah. Well, >> um, so you think heroin for you? I mean, we're talking and again, this is we're. telling people you can't do these. things. These things are terrible. We're. just talking about when you've got a. very short amount of time left, what are. the things we would do? >> Yeah. I've never done hard drugs, but I.

would love when I'm at death store to. know what heroin feels like. Cuz. everybody that talks about it, every. movie I've seen. >> No, no, no. It's all I don't think so. >> You don't think heroin is a magical. experience? Haven't you seen Train. Spotting? You go through a toilet. I. just I [laughter] just I just know that. >> Haven't you ever seen Requum for a. drink? >> Yeah, they [laughter] look disgusting. >> Yeah. That's what I'm saying. >> I know. I'm the You're the only guy that. looks at train spotting as aspirational. [laughter]. >> Wow.

>> I could hang out in a really grimy. Scottish. bathroom with a bunch of skin [laughter]. heads. No, I'm talking about the upswing of. heroin. And you have none of the bad. stuff after cuz you're dead of natural. causes anyway. >> Okay, this is so dark. I want to just be. the voice of reason and say I have a. bubblegum cigarette and I think there's. [laughter] nothing cooler than. >> talking about bubble gum heroin. >> Oh. Oh, okay. Okay. Well, that's. >> what I would do. I can't think of. anything that I'm like, I want to try.

that. >> You mean just before you go? >> Yeah. >> I think if you were told you had maybe a. month to live, you would say, I want a. whole room filled with hummus. Don't you. think? Cuz you love hummus. >> You can do that now. It's good for you. It's garbanzo beans. No, but a whole. room. >> Yes, I want a whole room. But also, no, it wouldn't be homeless. It would be. like just all the bad food you're not. supposed to eat. All the steaks, all the. candy, all the chocolate. >> But you know what? No one does that. No. one does it on death row. They do when.

they get their last meal. >> Fried chicken. >> You are dark today. Look at you go. You're very a dark uh dark blend today. You. >> really are. >> heroin. [laughter]. You thought about this. You had heroin. in your back pocket. >> What about this? What if they there was. a restaurant called Death Row. >> and and you go and there's different. cells instead of tables and you order. your last meal and you can say whatever. you want and it's like I want fried. chicken, I want a triple cheeseburger, I. want this and they bring you a very high. quality version of those things and then.

a priest comes in and sits with you. >> and then you're led out but instead of. to the electric chair it's to your car. where a valet hands you the key. [laughter]. This is brilliant. That's a great idea. He's dark. You're talking about. >> It's a restaurant. He's [laughter]. talking about death. I'm talking about a. good meal. >> Everybody gets morphine on the way out. Mostly if you die in a hospital anyway. So, it's. >> What is wrong with you? I would You know. what? I really want to try morphine one. day. Okay. You know what? Guess what?

Your restaurant's called Hospice. Um, [laughter] good luck with that. Mine's. called Death Row. It's a huge deal. It's. going to be on Melrose in Los Angeles. Everyone's going to go. I once had an. idea for a restaurant called Rest a Room. and every It's a regular restaurant but. everybody sits at an open toilet. [laughter]. >> What? No. But why? Oh my god. >> It's not real. >> It's just [laughter] a joke. >> But wait, how does it work? >> It's called Rusta Room. >> Yeah. You get your meal.

>> and your chair is a toilet and so you. don't have to go to the bathroom. [laughter] You have to excuse her. >> He's. >> Are you sitting there with your pants. around your ankles? So hard. >> Yeah. Is you sitting there with your. with [laughter] your pants around your. ankles? >> If you like. Sure. >> If you like. >> If you like. >> He had to say it's not real, by the way. [laughter]. >> Caveat. It doesn't exist yet. >> You two are the worst. >> Uh, you're restaurant. You're with us in. this. >> No, mine is like Willy Wonka's Chocolate.

Factory. My idea of what I want to do. before I die is Willy Wonka. >> Okay. >> Yours is smoking. Yours is heroin. Which. one is the sunniest one out of all of. these? >> I'd like to end on my idea for a. restaurant. Death Row. Everyone's This. is my idea. I know people listening. right now are rushing. >> It's a good idea. >> It's a really good idea. >> You got to have a hell of a like food. stock and and chef cheesecake factory. >> It's like the cheesecake factory. It's. got a menu that big. Um and I think you. call ahead so they can get it all ready.

You call ahead. >> This is a very expensive restaurant, >> but like I would want like In-N-Out. cheeseburgers. Can I call them? And they. would bring in another place. They take. care of everything. Okay. >> Yeah. Yeah. But you have to wear prison. overalls. >> and you're in a cell. >> and the priest is I don't care what your. religion and it's a Catholic priest cuz. that's what's in the movies [laughter]. >> and that's negotiable of phones from the. governor from the DA and all. >> and all the bad news comes in. Nope. Nope. The governor went to bed. >> It's not going to happen. And then you. get your really good meal and.

[clears throat] then they lead you. Uh-oh. It's Oh, you know what it is? It. is an electric chair or a gas chamber. And then at the last second um that they. you veer away from that and it's the. valet parking. >> and you get a little doggy bag. >> It's a great idea. >> Or it's the gas chamber and you sit on. it. It's an open toilet. >> Oh god. >> And say we're back in business. We're. back in business. >> All roads all roads lead back to toilets. for you. >> I just remembered we have a guest. >> A big toilet guy. >> Who's our guest today? My guest today, thanks for asking, is a hilarious.

comedian whose stand-up special, Father, is available to stream on Hulu and. Disney Plus. She's incredibly talented. Uh she's amazing. I cannot wait to speak. with her today. Welcome, Atskco Okatska. I have been aware of your work, which I. think is fantastic, for a while. And. then we met outside a comedy club in Los. Angeles. >> What a blessing. >> on the street. Um, and we were just.

talking about what a great experience. that is. I was getting ready for the. Oscars and so I was hitting all these. out of the way clubs. >> and we were outside the Alleion. Is that. right? >> That's right. The Alleian Theater. >> Alleian theater. And you know when you. stand on the sidewalk in Los Angeles, >> this is what's unique about Los Angeles. any other place you stand on the. sidewalk. But if you're on the sidewalk. in Los Angeles, people think that you're. unmedicated and dangerous. >> So, I mean, it's just so weird. But. there was this all these comedians. standing around. I was talking to them.

and then. >> all unwell. All of us. >> All unwell, including myself, >> peeing on ourselves. Who are we? Dogs? You know, we're. >> right. [laughter] People like on the. sidewalk. >> They don't have cars. Yeah. people were. >> if you walk in Los Angeles, there have. been occasions where uh you know, you. park your car and then you walk a couple. of blocks to the pharmacy and if people. see you walking in LA, the assumption is. something's very wrong. >> Yeah. Conan's going through a breakup.

Conan's [laughter]. You know what I mean? I always I always. tell my husband like cuz sometimes he'll. be like, "I'll go on a walk." I said, "On a walk? We We don't do walks.". >> Yeah. [laughter]. me, you know, we're very pale and we. we're like nighttime people and we we've. tried nature, but. >> it's [laughter]. nature is hard. Nature is hard for us. because we're very like we tried it. We. went to like Joshua Tree, you know, cuz. we got inspired by other people's. Instagram posts. >> and uh while we were out there in. nature, uh we were like, "Oh, no." We. ran out of things to talk about. Yeah.

>> Right. Things like that. Anyway, so I. said, "Don't go too far. People might. think we broke up." And so that's kind. of the thing. [laughter] But I love that. you describe nature like it's a. dangerous medication. [laughter]. >> I tried so. >> I tried nature once and um I really. didn't like it. >> Con. It's just you and your thoughts. >> Yeah. >> For hours possibly. >> You know what I mean? You're like, "Oh, you know, how long can I touch grass. for?" Until I'm like, "Okay, I've felt. it.". >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> And now it's back to my thoughts.

>> Okay, Oscar. You don't. >> It's terrifying. You don't go into. nature and then just touch grass with. your You don't kneel down and touch. grass with your forefinger. >> What do they mean by it? What do they. mean touch grass? I said, "Okay." And. like there's a trap. >> No. Okay. [laughter]. >> What's How long? >> I'm going to tell you right now as as. your No, please. >> As your friend and your physician, I'm. going to tell you right now, [laughter]. you're never to go You're never to go. and your botist, you're never to go in. nature again. I don't think any. [laughter] amount of talking to you is. going to make this a healthy experience. Do you said you're not supposed to go.

and just touch grass? What am I? >> No, you're just supposed to be in it and. walk around and breathe the air and and. and let it sort of gradually. It's not a. thing you accomplish. You're You have a. very sort of type A approach to I'm. going to go into nature. Now, you're. talking to someone and listening to. someone who also doesn't go into nature. [laughter] So, I don't know what I'm. talking about. I am not I should not be. your spirit animal on this one. >> Do you think what what is it? you don't. have time maybe to go into nature or. >> I think I too I think we have a lot in.

common. I think we have a lot in common. and I I know from your story and from. listening to your comedy we have a lot. in common. >> but one thing we don't have in common is. you walked into our place on Larchmont. here just minutes ago and I'm stunned. You look perfect. Doesn't she look. perfect? No, you really do. You're. you're very beautiful but you're also. the what you're wearing. I mean you. >> it's all perfect. Me? >> You? Yes. >> Mean bite. >> This is just me naturally.

>> Oh, that's how you rolled out of bed. >> Oh, you Oh, [laughter]. I'm just celebrating. I'm just here. celebrating. >> OH MY GOD. I'M JUST HAVING CAKE AND. WHAT? [laughter]. >> OH, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'm wearing, >> sweetie. I was just here celebrating. your birthday. [laughter]. >> You're trying to back me up here. You. invited me. >> It's true. But you always you you have. such a colorful aesthetic. You are. really you have Cheeit earrings. I'm. just I I'm I'm obsessed of everything. about your appearance. >> The the the outfit is just kind of.

perfection and the lines are I mean you. clearly this is how you present yourself. is important to you. I'm. >> look like I'm uh in treatment for. alcoholism. Uh [laughter]. I'm just wearing a. >> And sweetie that's a brand too. >> Yeah, >> that's also a brand. Well, I don't want. to I I'd like to I'd like to dress well, but then you do this podcast and we end. up talking about diarrhea half the time. So, I'm not going to put on a nice tie. to me because you usually take us down. that road. It's your favorite topic. >> You are so silly because you all have.

very specific brands that are so iconic. Aesthetically, yes. I think. aesthetically something that makes a. person iconic is can someone draw you. very well and yes literally you know. your. >> good caricatures already. >> That's right. Yeah. True. >> Iconic in like a silhouette like the. Simpsons, you know, in the dark. >> We see Sona's hair, your hairstyle. You. know, your glasses would probably be. prominent. You know what I mean? Like.

I've thought about this. >> David has his own brand of glasses. >> Yeah. Y'all are very aesthetically. icons, too. One thing that you and I. have in common is we both have very. distinctive uh hairstyles or haircuts. >> That's right. >> I not today. Today I didn't think about. it much, but usually I'm sporting this. kooky wave thing in my hair. I don't. know. It looks like. gravity. It's a swoop. It's. >> Yeah, >> there you go. >> I tried. [laughter]. >> Thank you. But. >> is everyone okay who has to hear that? >> No, I'm sterile now. Um, but you have.

this very cool bold haircut. >> Um, as worn originally by Mo and the. Three Stooges, and it's fantastic. It's. perfect. And it's very intentional on. your part. Is that true? >> It is. Yeah, it is. Uh, >> this is how your hair was when you were. very young. >> This was, you know, me when I was very. young. A lot of kids were cursed with. this haircut, they would say, as a kid, right? My parents made me do the bowl. cut. that they put a bowl on me and then.

>> is this part of the culture specific? Is. that what you're saying? >> I guess a lot of Asian kids had it, but. also um I've met a lot of people across. cultures who come, you know, with. stories about how they had it too, right? >> I think this is also very like before Mo. from the Three Stooges. Um friars, >> yes, >> also really. >> frier tuck and you know and yeah, monks. would have the bull haircut and you know. what I associate it with ease. It's easy. to give a bull haircut. My mom had the. Sears and Robuck hair cutting kit.

There's six kids. She'd line us up uh in. outside the kitchen and one at a time. would jump up into like a high chair and. right across. So all the photos of me. that you've seen when I'm a kid just. bang straight across. >> icon. >> and um. >> style icon [laughter] style icon. But I. do think if any culture is doing it, it's because especially with kids, it's. easy. >> So they probably just like snip snip. snip snip. You're done. >> Sure. >> And that's why they do it with kids. But.

most kids at certain point when they can. take control of their own look, reject. the bull haircut. >> You decided not to go that way. >> Yeah. Because I said if I'm gonna be the. weirdo self that I am on the inside, maybe, you know, I'll just show it on. the outside so that people will know. immediately. Right. Okay, you're safe. It maybe you're you're a weirdo. You're. a fellow weirdo like me, you know, and. uh you didn't. >> have to conform to, you know, I still. get a lot of messages once in a while.

from, you know, from guys who are like, you know, it would be more you would be. more attractive if you would just do the. long hair thing, you know. And it's. like, well, there were a lot of times in my life. where I felt like a bit of an outsider, a freak, you know, and um it's like. embracing that all the things that, you. know, I didn't. >> I was like, oh no, this makes me look. like such a I I can't make friends with. this haircut, you know, and now I just. want to embrace it and let people know. like, yeah, let your freak is it freak.

flag fly? >> Yeah. >> What a tongue twister. [laughter]. >> Freak fly. Yeah. >> Yeah. It can go dirty so quickly if you. say it quickly. You know what I mean? freak, fly, fly like that. >> Well, there's other fwords get get, you. know, I'm just saying it can easily if. you say it really quickly. It's one of. those things that if I was on the air. live and I had to say freak flag fly. really quickly, I'd be nervous. >> Oh, okay. You know what I mean? >> I meant sexually a freak flag like. you're kink. Well, that's my guess. >> Is that is is that the saying is the. saying more about sexual stuff than like.

um being a weirdo? >> I think it could go either way. >> It could be any way. Yeah. Any freak, any flag of any freak can fly. Yeah. In. any way. In any way. >> This is really helpful, Sona. Thank you. so much. >> Thank you. >> You have that's freaky. They fly it. >> Yeah. And no one knows more about a. freak flag fly. I mean, Sona and that's. [laughter] a compliment. You are very. comfortable in your own skin and you're. happy just saying whatever stuff you've. been up to, be it uh legal, illegal, uh. cool, dangerously wrong.

>> Well, she's like, "How did this turn. into looked around for help from. anybody? my diarrhea thing and now it's. on the freak. That's my flag. >> Let's get the focus back on Oscar if you. don't mind. >> No, but happy happy to. >> freefly diarrhea lady over here. But. that's not important. The important. >> That's very sweet. I think what you do. is um you know cuz you've sometimes I'm. like oh Conan like feel this is a. similarity I think maybe we have. I'm. not sure. I might be putting it on you. but like you don't want anyone to feel. like an outsider too. And so I don't.

know. I feel like you just sensed me. being like oh I don't know how the. saying goes. English isn't my first. language and you're like you Sona you're. a freak yes. >> you're crazy you do that was also a very. good you know yes and improv you know. teammate so she's like yes I what are. you doing and then suddenly no one. remembers. doesn't know English [laughter]. >> suddenly's. you know oh freak flag fly [laughter] is. that no one remembers it anymore this is.

the genius of con thank you so much. [laughter] the show. >> until you just brought it up. Oscar, [laughter] I I did a very good job of uh. you know, distracting from your pain by. brutally making fun of Sona. >> That's right. Father's Day is coming up. >> very fast. Hint hint, >> June 21st. >> Wow. We're not your children. >> My children are not getting me anything. [laughter] So, >> it's up to you guys to get me Father's. Day. They have never bought into. Father's Day, but you guys are going to.

You're my employees and you have to. [laughter]. Well, guess what? Luckily, Macy's has a. wide range of options, the expertise to. help you find the perfect gift. Macy's. is the answer for Father's Day. >> And um David. >> Yes. >> As my sort of surrogate son. >> Okay. A that's the son that I hired to. buy me things. >> Exactly. [laughter]. >> Uh I hope that you're prepared for this. Father's Day and I hope you've consulted. Macy's. Oh, I have done both of those.

things. And if I could actually have you. look at the TV, I have some gifts for. you first. >> Oh, there you go. You love a pun. We got. you a shirt that says The Grillfather. >> I love that shirt because you know what? I love the Godfather movies and I love. grilling and they've combined them with. the Grillfather. >> And are you ready to combine it even. more? Let's see the next gift. >> Yep. Let's go. >> Ooh, >> a ninja indoor grill. >> That's something that looks really good. >> It does. And then, you know, sometimes. when you're grilling, you know, you. might want to get rid of that that. scent, that smell. So, let's see the.

next one. >> Yep. >> We got you some Dior cologne. >> Oh, is that Savage? >> It's Savage. >> I love Savage. And I love that it does. mask the scent of charred meat really. well. >> Yeah. And you wear so much cologne. >> I used to wear Jup. [laughter]. >> Oh, no. >> Yeah. Remember when I got Jup? >> I do remember that. >> But now I'll have Savage. And I might. mix my Savage with Jup. You never know. I'm crazy. Makes a cocktail. >> So, happy Father's Day from us at. Macy's. You know what? I want to say.

thank you. Those are cool gifts. I like. them. I'll be grilling. I'll have my. sage on. I'll be wearing my grill father. t-shirt. I love it. Thank you, Macy's. Macy's makes it easy to take something. your dad already loves, make it feel new. again. Same vibe, better version. The. kind of gift he'll actually use and. appreciate no matter what kind of dad he. is. Check out Macy's online gift guide. for more ideas at macy's.com/giftguide. We have a lot of commonalities. It's not. just the hair. I I watch your comedy and.

I see how all of your instincts are to. um put people at ease. That seems to be. very important to you. And I love the. way you talk to an audience and get. involved with an audience. You're so. good at it. You're so good at talking to. people, sussing out the situation, teasing things out, and. kind of shining a light on what's the. funny thing that's happening here. without hurting someone's feelings, which I think is kind of a superpower. >> Oh, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. It like it's.

all about like, you know, wanting to be. seen and wanting others to feel seen, too. Yeah. >> Well, you've done this. Yeah, I want to. make sure I mention it now and we'll. talk about it later too, but you have. this special on Hulu called Father, which is delightful and amazing and it. is um you know up for Emmy. consideration, which it should be. And. you talk a lot about your childhood and. there are people that say comedians that.

say, "Well, I had a really strange. childhood." And then you hear about it. and you go, "Yeah, kind of." Your story. is. crazily unique and um sounds perilous, but you you you talk so well about it. and you're so funny about it that. sometimes the uh the reality of it can. get a little obscured. And so, if you. don't mind just talking about that a. little bit because you're born in is it. Taiwan? >> You're born in Taiwan, but you end up. kind of growing up in Japan,

>> right, >> in your early years, right? >> Mhm. And there's a lot of stuff going on. in your family. >> Yeah, so I'm half Taiwanese. >> I was born in Taiwan. Um, day one. already. Uh, so my dad is Japanese. He. stayed in Japan for my birth. >> Day one, the first face I see coming out. of my mom, and I don't remember this. obviously. People who are like, "Oh, I I. know I have my memory starts from day. zero." I. >> Yeah, >> I feel like [laughter].

>> Well, they're just lying. That's true. >> Or maybe they, you know, they're like, I. did IA, you know, how they're like, and. my past self was two cats, you know, [laughter] like I haven't had the, what. is it, the pleasure of uh having that. kind of um. >> I put some in your cake image. [laughter] Thank you. >> You'll have that image very soon. >> I'm feeling dizzy. Where am I? Oh, day. one. Oh, we're still on day one. Sorry. So, u my uncle is actually my uncle's. face is the first thing I see because. he's helping my mom uh get me out of her.

cuz he's not a doctor, but he was. studying to be an OBGYn. Um any my. family loves a discount and so. [laughter]. I think cuz I was like what he's why. didn't we have like a real doctor, you. know? And so I think that's why they. flew to Taiwan. They loved that there. was going to be a deal and that it was. uh. >> you're at a mall. >> relative. [laughter]. >> It's not like getting your ears pierced. Let's go to the Let's go to the birth. kiosk. >> and then we'll grab an orange Julius.

afterwards. >> Yeah, I'm just outside of a Claire's. [laughter]. >> It is a It was a hospital. But yeah, so. um so so day one that's already. happening and I find out later my dad. wasn't there because I guess the. relationship was already rocky. >> and um that's you know pretty pretty. pretty early on me as a me as a baby. And so 3 months after that I we all. moved to Japan to uh reunite with my. dad. Um, yeah. And so [laughter].

my mom, you know, so my mom suffers from. schizophrenia and, uh, my grandma was. heavily involved in orchestrating, you. know, my mom and dad meeting cuz she was. like, it's going to be hard to marry. this daughter off, you know, in in. Taiwan. Maybe we go somewhere kind of. far. Maybe we go to Japan where, you. know, my daughter doesn't really speak. the language. And so, >> wait, your grand [laughter] what? Your.

grandmother's trying to hide your mom's. schizophrenia or mental issues. >> There's mental issues. I think they. didn't really know what was wrong with. her, you know? >> Right. But she's thinking I she'll have. a better chance of marrying if we go to. a country where people don't understand. her. is kind of like my inkling because. I've said to grandma, you know, like you. there's Taiwan's a small country but you. know there's still there like I think. here's the thing at the time right a.

woman in her 30s single never had a. boyfriend they're like what's wrong with. her already too and so you know I think. there were multiple things going on. let's just let's just try a different. place let's just try a different country. and um you know she has a hard time. making friends. Something is off about. her, you know. So, I think it was a lot. of that. And then, so my grandma took. the reigns and saw in the newspaper they. were doing a speed dating event in. Tokyo. So, signed my mom up and went. there, you know, and there was a.

language barrier, but I think I I like. to think that, you know, when there is. though, all your secrets can't be. revealed. Yeah. You know. >> Yeah. >> Um, >> so you mean your grandmother just sounds. like a mastermind? [laughter] She gets. >> She's a criminal. Yeah. She's a. criminal. >> My grandma, don't get me wrong, she is. she's a criminal. She also then took me. to America. >> That's right. You live in Japan for how. many years? >> I lived there for 8 years. >> For 8 years. And then your grandmother. said, and I'm going to tell your story. for you. Yes, please. >> Cuz I think I think more men have to do.

this for women. [laughter] Um Okay. Okay. >> Your next one woman show, I should come. out at the top and just start telling. your whole story. >> I think [laughter] would love that. >> Yeah. No. And then you come out and have. me beaten. Um. >> you're helping me out. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm here to mansplain. what Oscar went through. [laughter] Um, but your your grandmother says to you, "We're going to take a trip and she. takes you here to Los Angeles, >> right?" Yeah. >> And then you realize over time she. kidnapped me, more or less. Is that.

true? >> Yes. Yeah. She said it was a two-month. vacation to Los Angeles. And again, uh, she's a liar. Uh, [laughter]. >> and [clears throat] Right. So, we're in. Japan and then suddenly and before, you. know, I'm living with my mom and grandma. in Japan, too. I was living with my dad. He full on had full custody of me and. then slowly, you know, was like, "Hey, what if we spend more time with her?". you know, "Oh, we got an apartment down. the street from your place, you know, and so my dad was like, "Sure." You. know, he's he was already raising two.

other kids uh of his own from the. previous marriage. So, >> um and then my mom's mental health. declined. Yeah. >> Uh pretty bad. She was very suicidal in. Japan. And so I think you know my. grandma was like, "Okay, we changed. locations again, which you know. [laughter]. at this point it's not I'm like sweetie, it's not the location, you know, [laughter]. right?" But I I get it like as a a. single mom for so long, my grandma was,

and then she was also now helping to. raise me. I think she was just trying to. get ahead before the next disaster. So, she um contacted my uncle, her son, her. other son who lived in Los Angeles. already. Hey, uh do you have any space. for us? Um I think we're going to try. living there. He's like, we have a. garage. She said, "That'll do." And so, um yeah, we came here, but she only told. me it was going to be a two-month. vacation. >> But you end up living for a while in a. really small space,

>> right? Right. um with your grandmother. >> and your mother. >> and your mother who has this very. serious mental illness. >> and. um that. >> you know is such an intense experience. but probably. uh contributed to. your abilities in comedy in some way. don't you think like being in that. situation was it did you feel like it in.

any way. um. helped you find your comedic voice. because you were in this really strange. situation? >> I think so. For sure. Yeah. And a lot of. it comes from it's not like the sadness. of it. It's really. >> for me, you know, like our need to make. other people laugh. I'm also a people. pleaser. um you know being quick enough to be. like without anyone noticing that like. what I just did haha ta is like mask the. fact that maybe this person was feeling.

insecure over here you know my mom. >> all my life I've seen her right suffer. right now you know even as we speak I I. know where she is you know in her bed. >> you know like unable to. >> move that much she she has seizures too. now And so she doesn't have any friends, you know, and I get to like tour and see. the world. Uh I get to hang out with. icons, legends, [laughter].

heroes of mine. >> You just said that because you don't. know our names. >> I'm going I'm here with icons. >> Yeah, that's what I say to the Uber. driver when I forget his name. [laughter]. >> You're an You're an icon. >> Icon Ma Matthew was it? And [laughter]. >> people call me Matthew. Sure. Um, >> no. And so, you know, and so it's this. that's that's where like my my want to. make her feel not so bummed out. And so, like, um, could you reach her crazy by.

being funny or outrageous? Is that the. way you could connect with your mom if. she was even in a debilitated state. growing up? >> Yeah. Yeah. I I was honestly afraid of. her most of my life. So, I didn't know. how to make her laugh, but I knew how to. make. >> my uncle and aunt laugh. >> because the family is so intense. You. know, we grew up. >> so they lived in the front house, but. there was like. >> at least in the garage, there was no. music in our house. There was no My mom.

and grandma didn't watch anything, you. know. Uh my uncle finally installed a TV. for us back there. And so I would watch. like Chelsea Lately and then that's when. I started like even learning what. standup was. But um you know when we. would have dinners together as a whole. family that we would just eat in silence. like you know we just witnessed a. funeral [laughter]. >> like it was nobody would talk just. silent and uh you know and then. eventually I think out of survival out.

of like making it easier for me I. started trying to make little little. jokes. Um, you know, I remember one time. we had another one of these silent. dinners. Literally just all you can hear. is just like things being cut on the. plate. One time my aunt asked for salt. We all jumped [laughter]. >> cuz someone talked. We were like. >> like. >> don't ever do that again. >> Always jumpy when when Maddie came in. with the tea that it's I think it's. because of that. It was always silent. It's like oh my god. [laughter] you.

know, um what happened? And it was just. she's like, "Salt, I just said salt. [laughter] and but um. >> you had to retreat to different corners. of the garage." [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> To think about what just happened. >> We're being attacked, you know, and um. she just she just wanted a little more. seasoning. [laughter] But um so then, you know, we would sit in silence and. one time I remember we finished eating. and I just said, "Well, that was really. fun. We should do it again." [laughter]. And and then my uncle cracked the.

>> That's my Okay, that's. >> that's. >> I couldn't get it out of my mom. >> Yeah, long stories. Yeah. Sorry. >> No, but no, but I mean that's [laughter]. >> that's we're not going to have any of. that. >> There'll be no apologizing here for. telling a really great story. Um. >> I think cuz I'm like, "Oh, you know, maybe I don't know how much you already. know or not." And I. >> No, but I'm I'm just fascinated by your. story and I I love talking to really. funny people and hearing how they made. their way. That's that's one of my.

favorite things. Uh or not just funny. people, but a bunch of the people we've. had on the show, whether they're in. music or acting or whatever, writers. I. just love figuring out how people um. sort of like salmon swimming upstream. they have like a little idea that. they're supposed to do something and. they develop it and then you can put any. obstacles in front of them. They usually. figure out a way. >> to get there and I don't know if you had. a lot of role models growing up. >> um who you know where you could see. someone and say if they can do it I can.

do it you know or this is this is. someone who's talking directly to me. Were there standups that really you. gravitated towards? >> For sure. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's. it was hard though because I never saw. So, I was starting to see standups on. like the Chelsea Lately show, for. example. Yeah. >> Um, >> and one of the first standup specials I. saw was Margaret Chose through someone. at church. I used to go to church. That's how they get immigrants. They go, "Do you want friends? >> Hey, [laughter] welcome to the country.

You want friends?" Right? We're like, "Yes, we speak your language." Oh, that's cool. We have free food. I like. that. >> Yeah. And then boom, suddenly, you know, I'm at Jesus camp. So, [laughter]. um, there I am. Go Jesus. Go. Go. You. know. Yeah. I'm the cheerleader for God. I'm in the choir. I'm an alto. I'm an. alto. >> Uhhuh. >> My uncle is a choir director. Anyway, [laughter]. >> sing a canata. Do you know what? >> Clearly, this was a huge uh inspiration. to you, this this religious conversion.

[laughter] The way you talk about it, >> I mean, it really came in my life so. quick. I mean I'm from Taiwan and in. Japan like Jesus less countries. >> Yeah. >> You know and then suddenly I'm getting. baptized willingly. I mean and then and. in a choir singing alto cuz I could. never hit the high notes. Alto is very. hard. >> Mhm. >> You know we we all know. >> No. Yes we do. >> Okay. Well alto you have to harmonize. >> Oh boy. No no no. I don't. >> Josh Groin the other day. He has to sing. the melody. Sing [laughter] it happy.

birthday dear. I'm going to. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Nobody cares. They're go, "Oh, that. sounded beautiful." Yeah. Because. someone was harmonizing, creating an. illusion that there's a whole group. >> Okay. You're very bitter about this. [laughter]. >> You've had so much success and you've. you've achieved so much and you can't. get past this. >> Well, [laughter] well, Conan, when you. get kicked out of the choir.

>> Yeah. by your uncle who is the choir. director? I don't know. [laughter]. >> Were you kicked out for because of your. musical abilities or because you were. causing trouble? >> I don't know. You just heard me sing. But [laughter]. we did a kata. Okay. I I only got to. perform once with the choir. >> We did a Do you know what a canata is? >> I was going to be quiet cuz I thought. everyone else would know. >> No, I have no idea. >> Tim Timothy Shalame would know. >> Yeah. >> But it's a [laughter] it's like a short.

opera. Short opera. >> It's a short. It's like 45 minutes long. We did a couple. >> That's a short opera. >> because I I [laughter] thought all I. could handle. >> WELL, I'M SORRY. >> OH, YOU and Timothy B. >> I mean, I went to Timothy B again. >> Oh, turns out. >> Kidding. I love opera. I was there last. night at the opera. [laughter]. >> Which opera? Lab. >> He only lasted He only last. >> Oh, wow. Nice. >> You had that in your pocket. >> Yeah, back pocket. Labam. >> Yeah, he left 40 minutes in cuz. [laughter]. >> I had you. It's a urinary issue. I love.

opera, >> but I can't go more than 40 minutes. without relieving my bladder. It's a. terrible [laughter] disease, and I'm. waiting for a big commercial that I get. to do. >> about a medication. >> You're right. It's ages. >> I put it out there. >> It's ages to even ask you ask our We. must respect our elders. >> We can't [laughter] We can't respect. THEM. >> WAIT, HOW DID I GET HERE? >> WAIT, I was. >> I've had this condition since I was 15. [laughter]. >> I urinate every 11 minutes. >> Sorry. You've been doing really good. Are you doing the. >> Well, I have a I don't want to tell you.

I'm wearing a device right now. >> It's okay. >> I've urinated nine times since you've. been guessing. Let me guess. >> This got dark and thanks a lot, son. >> I did this. [laughter] Let me guess. >> Uh the device you're wearing sponsored. [laughter]. >> I'm glad you asked, Osco. >> I'm glad you asked. Depends. >> I'm glad you asked. >> With PE on the go. [laughter]. >> P on the go. >> Um developed by NASA. Uh listen, I'm. we're going to we're going to try and. make sense out of this. And I know I can. do this, >> right? Right. Um, but you we left you at.

Jesus camp. You're getting kicked out of. the choir because no one appreciates the. incredible uh. >> It was an Easter performance. It was the. first one in the church. Um I I love to. sing aloud. >> Oh boy. >> Because he has risen and [laughter] I. don't know. Wouldn't you do that too, I. guess. So I'm not a trained singer. Choir is a voluntary basis. >> Yeah. They can't be picky. >> There's no audition. All is welcome. Well, guess what? That means I'm on. there too with my skills. My uncle call.

it ne nepotism. I got to join you know. uh pretty easily. And then after the. kata I was never asked back. >> Wow. >> Um he said you love to sing loud and. we could hear you. [laughter]. >> Wait. He wanted you to sing but not be. heard. >> because I was off a lot and he said. sometimes you would also sing in. English. We It was a Taiwanese church. We sang in Chinese. And boy, we could.

hear cuz I don't speak Chinese at this. point. A is confused. I was in. Japan. [laughter] I'm in Japan. Now I'm. in a Los Angeles in a garage. I left. Tokyo for this to be undocumented. We. were undocumented. We had no papers. My. grandma didn't because we were supposed. to be here on vacation. So we just. applied for a two-month play visa or. whatever that's called, tourist. [laughter] visa. And then we overstayed it. Boom. What. happens? Suddenly, we're here illegally. And and uh in Japan, I only spoke.

Japanese. Suddenly, I'm learning Chinese. because I'm half Taiwanese, too. Now, I'm living with my Taiwanese side of the. family. I'm confused. I'm Christian now. And now I'm singing alto. [laughter] Of. course, I'm off key. Of course, I got to. go into English sometimes. >> I think you put it best when you said a. is confused. [laughter]. Yes. >> You know, that was going to be the title. of my autobiography. Now you've got it. >> Out here for a pimp when you trying to. make money for the rent. [laughter].

>> So when I first saw Margaret, it was. just me like, "Oh, this is so awesome. Okay, now I know this exists and she. exists." And uh you know, well, also at. the time I didn't even know I didn't. know until I was like 16 that I was. undocumented and what that even meant, right? because I wanted to suddenly. drive like all my friends at school. Like everyone was getting their permits. and I said, "Grandma, I want to uh drive. too, you know, none of us drive. I think. it'd be cool and then I can drive us.

around. We don't uh the bus I don't we. don't have to take the bus anymore. You. know, you're old, you know, and um it'll. be easy on us." And she goes, "Well, you. can't you can't drive. You can't do that. because we don't have uh social security. numbers." And I was like, "Oh, like that. was the first time I had realized, you. know, >> what a way to find out.". >> I know. I was Yeah. Because I wanted to. do, >> by the way, you're here illegally. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Right. Right. So, it's like it it.

comes to like bureaucracy paperwork. stuff, right? That how would I know? I'm. a. >> I'm just, you know, a high school kid. >> trying to kiss boys. [laughter]. >> And I did. Yeah. That was that you don't. have to be an American to do. [laughter]. >> That was. school. Most boys don't ask for your. social security number. >> Oh, thank God. >> Before Well, [laughter] I was always a. stickler. Sometimes a girl would be. like, "What's smooch?" And I'd say, "Well, hold on a second. I'd like to see.

various documents." [laughter]. >> Yeah, we call. >> And that's Yeah, that's why I was a. virgin until uh well, Obama's first. term. >> Okay. We call that a narc. [laughter]. >> We're like the school snitch over here. trying to get kisses still. We're like, "Do not trust him." I'd sure like to. kiss you, but I'd like to see your. papers. [laughter]. >> Yeah, like this narc over here. And uh. No. And so, yeah, because I was. surprised because there's so much you. could do. I was going to school. I was. in the cheerleading squad. >> Were you a good cheerleader?

>> Um, I was I you know, as a squad, we. were okay. [laughter]. >> As a squad, we were so. >> together we were okay. >> Together, we were okay. >> Separately, we were awful. [laughter]. >> What a what a great recommendation. We're not very good. We're terrible when. we're apart, but when we get together, we're okay. [laughter]. >> Just. >> tune in. >> We really kept people's attention with. our spirits, you know? [laughter]. We were We really kept it. We were very.

selftaught. We didn't have a coach. Our. cheer squad, when people hear that I was. a cheerleader, they're like, "Oh, you. were a jock." I'm like, "No, no, you. don't understand. My squad, it was like. full of girls who were like, "If it went. for cheer, I would have joined a gang.". You [laughter] know, >> these girls were scary. These girls. >> I [laughter] didn't I didn't know that. I didn't know that being a cheerleader. was the last exit before gang. [laughter]. >> Well, >> that's hilarious. >> Welcome to Venice High School. Yeah. >> Early 2000s.

>> Sure. [laughter]. >> Okay. Venice. No, me too. I I was like, you know, I I I thought cheerleaders. were like the bring it on girls. >> Yeah. >> You know what I mean? >> Sure. And then here I [laughter] am. I'm, you know, I join and it's, yeah, it's my first, they were like the first. girls to accept me, right? So my first. friends were Latinas and black girls who. who called me Coco. They gave me a. nickname. >> Um, and some of the girls that I mean. they were like some of the girls were. their boyfriends were part of the Crips.

>> Oh wow. Um, one of them, Wanita, I. remember one time, um, her boyfriend. called her a to which she pulled. out a switchblade, put it up against his. neck, and said, "If you call me that. again, I'll cut you, and then I'll cut. MYSELF. [screaming] what. >> I was there. I said, >> I know." I said, "Damn, you are crazy. You are [laughter] crazy.". >> I mean, I get the first part, but the. second part seems extraneous. I'm going.

to say extraneous. >> I'll cut you and then later [laughter]. I'll cut myself. >> Wait, Wanita, I'm very afraid [laughter]. of you cutting my throat. What you do on. your own time later. >> The drama. >> Yeah, >> the drama, right? She was a poet, too, on top of it. I was like, "Wow." So, these were the kinds of girls. Once I. got my driver's license senior year, the. captain of the squad, she borrowed my. car during lunch, went got an abortion, came back for sixth period. What were.

your friends like? >> Oh my god. >> SO THIS IS THE CHEERLEADERS. >> This is awesome. >> When I say yes, when I say if it weren't. for a cheer, we would have joined a. gang. These are. >> suddenly my friends in America, you. know. And I was like, wow. Like I have. been snoozing. What is this exciting. life? There was we would go to um one. time we went to uh Denny's parking lot. uh where a fight broke out between the. cheer squad and the flag team. I had. never seen such a thing. [laughter] We.

were all in uniform. It was after after. >> the cheer team fought the flag team. >> Yes. Because one of the flag team girls. started dating. Oh. Oh no no no. One of. the cheer squad's ex-boyfriends. And I. said, "Oh, what what is this?" And. >> yeah, I was trying to get on board cuz. I'm such a scaredy cat. I don't fight. Literally like the only things I fought. are like helped fight are the voices in. my mom's head in that garage. >> and you know fighting for my life to. stay on the choir. That's the only.

things I fought for. >> Is this So the fight starts to go down. Did you. >> What did you do? >> So I was scared. I show up with Wanita. They're already everyone's in uniform. So. >> Wanita's just hitting herself in the. corner. [laughter]. >> I'll get you and then I'll get them. >> She should have done that. She should. Can you imagine? The flag team would. have retreated. [laughter]. >> Yeah, >> this crazy. >> I'm going to first punch myself, then. I'll get you if you're not careful. >> Incredible. >> When he was just backwards with. everything. >> I love this. >> Incredible. She's all She's all cartoon.

like [laughter]. >> I would love that. Oh man, I'm cheering her on cuz we're. cheerleaders. >> Sure. [laughter]. >> No. So, I'm on the sidelines. I don't. know what to do. And one is like, I'm. going to get in there. I'm going to get. in there. This fight started. People. were dragging each other on the ground. But first off, they march in. Okay. The. flag team comes in with their flags. [laughter]. I was like, is this Westside Story? >> It's Westside Story with flags.

>> And it's confusing because um it's it's. a like a the flag team was also like. Latin and like black girls, too. So, we. look like we're on the We don't know. who's fighting who. Thank God for the. uniforms cuz you'll get confused. >> The uniforms help a lot. At least with. Westside Story, it's like, "Okay, Puerto. Ricans versus the white people.". >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Similar dance moves. It's confusing. You. know what I mean? >> Yeah. >> These girls. Yeah. So, thank goodness. for the flags cuz then I go, "Okay, that's not my squadmate, right?" You. know, and the pom poms. We have the pom.

poms. >> Dumbest fight I've ever heard. [laughter] Easily the dumbest fight I've. ever heard. >> But I'm dying to know who won. >> People are going to contract. There's no. winning, sweetie. There's no winning in. violence. >> Yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. >> Wins. >> Except for maybe Wanita's boyfriend. [laughter]. who is who is at home going, "Oh, thank. God I have a break.". >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Tonight. But um. >> Have you kept up with Oneanita at all or. any of these people?

>> Um yes, we're on uh on on Facebook. Oh, that's nice. >> On Facebook. They still call me Coco. A. few of them have come out to see my. shows. >> Okay. That makes me really happy. Me, too. Yeah. >> And so, um, oh, I I was the you asked me. for my role. Um, I held everyone's. jewelry [laughter]. >> because they knew they were like, "Coko. can't fight." And I was like, "Oh, yeah." And I was just told yes. And so, you know, the seat in Cinderella, [laughter]. >> right? You had one of those TSA bins. >> Yeah, that's right. Or the.

>> clink clink. Let's have it all. Clink. clink. Now, get to it, you two. >> Coming up. There you go. Thank you. A. more, you know, uh, modern reference. I'm referencing Cinderella. I'm like, you know, the scene in Cinderella. He's. like, [clears throat and laughter] how. about the TSA yesterday? [gasps]. >> Where, >> you know? >> Yes. [laughter]. >> Anyway, I can help. I like to help. >> Thank you so much. Yeah. I'm like, you. know, Cinderella, Cinderelli, Cinderella. [laughter]. Who's watched Cinderella lately? Anyway, there's a scene where they're throwing. things at her and she's like holding the. jewelry and the [clears throat] clothes.

You'll not go to the ball. That was me. >> with the fight. I was holding the. jewelry and uh and then just uh shouting. positive affirmations because again we. were cheerleaders. I could do that. J u. a n I t a spellita. [laughter]. So those were all [laughter] Yeah. Why. did I I don't know why I went into. >> because I was asking you about this. fight. Um, and I'm curious because the. the Hulu special that you did, Father,

it you're talking about cuz so much of. what we talked about today, your. father's introduced at the top of your. story and then I think you guys were. estranged for a long time, >> right? Right. >> And this is your is this is you. reconnecting or reestablishing a tie. with your dad, >> right? Yeah, it's true. He didn't. He. missed out on my cheerleading days, my. choir days, my Jesus camp days, >> right? >> Um, in a way, it's cool though because. when we got to meet up and we really got.

to reconnect. >> Has he been living in Japan this whole. time then? >> So, he's been living in Japan working as. an engineer, raising, you know, my half. siblings. Mhm. >> And then so once we were undocumented, um another rule that I didn't know was. um you can't leave the US if you want to. come back in. Right. Got it. >> So we were stuck here and I suddenly, you know, I didn't get to say bye to my. dad who's in Japan, super busy, you. know, raising kids, single dad. Um and I.

didn't get to say bye to my friends. there. So, I just felt super like. suddenly, oh, like I didn't get closure from my. >> cut off you're cut off in an unnatural. way. >> Yeah. And then and then I got busy, right, with like cheerleading or trying. to get a driver's license. I finally got. my green card. >> um when I was 17. Uh we did the visa. lottery program. >> where you know you I guess my grandma. the hustler uh finagular um uh pretended.

we were in Japan still the whole time. and you uh she put our names in to the. lottery. >> I mean she go I mean first of all I want. I want this woman running my life. >> Yeah. >> And I also actually I want her running. our foreign policy. >> David's job away. [laughter]. >> He's right here. I think I think your. grandmother just would beat out David so. quickly. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you can't. do these things. You can't get me into a. Japanese lottery system to become a full. citizen of the United States. You've. never all the time.

>> You went to Lululemon today and bought. me some underwear. >> That's [laughter] true. I did do that. >> Yeah. >> And she would she do that? >> She could do that, too. She She could do. that, too. But she's doing like. international committing international I. don't know. I I say crimes, but she. really was able to with a network of. other grandmas from the church. And we. know grandmas, like the network of. grandmas, they're true. >> They're making it happen. >> Yeah. They're true like gangs, >> you know what I mean? They're telling. each other, you know, the best deals at.

at the supermarket or, you know, they're. telling each other like what loopholes, you know, to what bank to go with if you. want the higher interest rate or. whatever. And so through that she. figured that out and then every year she. would apply for the lottery and every. year you know our names wouldn't get. pulled and then on the seventh year all. three of our names. >> got pulled and so yeah and then that's. how. >> we got to get a green card. Um. >> well let me be the first to welcome you.

to America. >> Oh what a place. >> Thank you so much. >> I'm assuming I'm the first. It's been a. while. >> Yeah, >> but probably no one else had the. courtesy to say that. Okay. So, welcome. >> Thank you. I mean, you're kind of like a. diplomat, >> right? To so many countries to to many. countries, >> you're the orange-haired American man. that they'd rather see when you go. abroad, [laughter] right? And you've. you've done that for us. >> That is true. That is true. I'm I'm. trending ahead of [laughter] other.

orange-haired people who tend to show up. in countries sometimes. >> You've done that for I mean, you closed. the gap for us on like or you tried to. get ahead of it with Greenland. You know. what I mean? >> I think I've done so much for the world. >> You have, >> but I think like the alto and acquire, I'm also overlooked and uh I think. that's another way that we're. >> Thank you to the nod at altos. >> Yes, that's what I [laughter] do. I have. to ask you this before we wrap. Your. your father, how does he feel about this. crazy success you've had?

>> Is he Oh my gosh. Is he I'm guessing. he's really proud. Yes, he got to see me. perform a couple of times on my. international tour now. And so it's. cool. You know, I was saying like he. missed out on, you know, my choir days. or cheerleading days and stuff like. that, but also he kind of missed out on, you know, me struggling to in in my. comedy career, right? Like trying to. figure it out. I said, "Okay, finally, let's try this standup thing." And you.

know, it it's wild that after years of. trying it, years of doubting myself, uh. maybe I'll go to like art school instead. as a backup plan, which is a terrible. backup plan, [laughter] right? Uh why go. linear? Why with also an unemployment? I got a. degree in uh creative writing. >> and boo art. Boo creative writing. [laughter]. >> No, this is art school. So creative. writing is literally like if you want to. turn in two words that's your thesis.

[laughter] you know it's like that. So. um so you know he he missed out on those. years but then I was developing my voice. and then when we met again right it was. me doing an international tour back in. Japan um to thousands of strangers who. know who I am. >> Yeah. And uh in Japan, oh, when you when. you come back from like work or school, Yeah. you say, "Tada, I'm home." And. your family members go, "Okay, welcome. home." And so on that show where my dad.

was there, um, I tried saying it. I. said, "Uh, tada, I'm home to these. Japanese audiences." And all thousands. of them together said, "Welcome home." M. >> and I was like I almost broke down and. cried and you know my dad could. understand those parts and it was really. cool cuz it was like like you know I. hadn't been home like that in 22 years.

you know it's yeah so it was really cool. that that was how we got to reconnect. It is like your, you know, it's like the Superman myth. He's put into a space capsule and, you. know, when he's a baby and shot off and. then if you catch up with him 25 years. later, whatever, 10, 15 years later, he's Superman. And it's just this thing. that happened that you couldn't foresee, but it's magical. And I think an amazing. gift that your dad gets to see that. >> Sometimes you got to make people miss. you and come back, you know, hotter,

[laughter]. right? Isn't that the whole thing? >> Well, listen, Osco, uh the the special. is beautiful. It's on Hulu, father, and. I wish you all the best in Emmy season. because you deserve it. you are so funny. and um just uh you've got a great spirit. and it was just it's nice to get to know. you better because I admire you and then. to have you here and talk and we we got.

to chat a little bit and bond uh out on. the sidewalk outside of that comedy. club. But I remember leaving that night. and was like, "Oh, I this is unfinished. business. We have more to talk about.". So I was so glad you could come in and I. hope you come back. >> Oh, thank you for having me. You guys. are true kindred spirits. And if I may. now, I I cheer. [laughter]. [laughter]. >> Okay. I've really I've really set it up.

>> Yeah. [laughter]. Go. >> Give me a C. >> C. >> You got your C. You got your C. Give me. an O. >> O. >> You got your O. You got your O. Give me. an N. >> N. >> You got your N. You got your N. Give me. an A. and and we got Conan. >> Y. [laughter]. >> I like when you ended there was a little. bit of. >> because I. >> we got Well, Conan [laughter]. >> Osco, thank you so much. >> Thank you so much for having me. >> I was at the airport just waiting in one.

of those long lines and I kept saying, "Hey, let me through. I'm Conan. O'Brien." And they said, "Shut up. You'll wait in line." And they went, "Okay." And [laughter]. >> that's so sad. >> It's a really good story. But I was. hungry. I didn't have a snack with me. You got to keep your And I didn't want. to lose my place in line and go try and. find something. >> I know. >> That's when you got to have Neutrorain. on you. >> You got to always have a snack in your. bag. And when it's a Neutrorain, it's. perfect. >> It's perfect cuz it's the right size. It's handy. It's also nutritious. Okay.

You can go anywhere. It's made with 10. grams of whole grains, 10 vitamins and. minerals. These guys are obsessed with. 10. And no high fructose corn syrup. Neutrorain nourishes and it hits the. spot with delicious flavors. They got. strawberry, apple, cinnamon, blueberry. flavors. I just had a blueberry back in. the snack area. >> with a little bit of a glass of milk. >> You earned it. Nice job. >> Uh, [laughter] nice job. Each Neutrorain. crunchy bar contains at least 23 grams. of whole grains and provides a good. source of fiber.

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showstopping design, and America's best. warranty. Hyundai Hybrids, all that and. more. America's best warranty claim. based on total package of warranty. programs. Visit hyundaiusa.com or call. 562-314-4603. for more details. All right, we're going. to do a little segment. Uh, normally we. do this with Matt Gorley and we do. something called review the reviewers. where people call in with reviews and we. listen to them and then I respond to. their reviews. But Gorley's not here. He's on paternity leave and um because.

he's out and we don't have review the. reviewers, I thought I'd just supply the. call-in reviews myself. >> Oh, this is so sad. >> Yeah. So, let's listen. This is uh. >> Oh, no. >> This is Jackie. and uh he's coming to us from Cleveland, Ohio. And he says, let's play it right. now. >> You're pressing a button. [laughter] Why. are you doing. >> I listen to uh Conan O'Brien needs a. friend all the time. I think it's the. best podcast ever. Conan's mind like I.

listen to his mind work and I'm like. this guy's splitting the atom. [laughter] I don't even have a question. It's just that funny a show. And it's. like I also think I don't is it me or is. he like the coolest guy ever? [laughter]. I don't know. But uh I don't know Conan. I don't even have a question here. You're just incredible. [laughter]. >> Well, wow, that was pretty cool. >> Oh, yeah. That was so nice. Mr. Mr. Muny, I thank you very much. I don't.

think I'm splitting the atom. [laughter]. >> I'm just saying things that come to my. mind and it tends to dazzle, I guess. [laughter]. >> You know what I mean? I don't know. You. know, it's weird. If you have these. superpowers, you don't walk around. going, "Oh, wow. I have superpowers.". You're like, "I'm Superman. You know, I. can crush this piece of coal and it. becomes a diamond. Another day, another. dollar. You don't get amazed by it. because you've lived in this body for a. long time. >> Sure. >> What do you think about me? >> Yeah, >> good enough. >> What do you think about me?

What are who what what do you what's. happening? >> Karen Stson in Anchorage, Alaska, has a. call. >> We don't know. >> Um, hey, >> Conan. Um, yeah. Karen here and I listen. to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Why. would you need a friend? You know, I. would think you you'd have more friends. than anyone on earth. [laughter]. You just are the funniest, most. creative. Um, and I just I don't know. I.

saw you host the Oscars and I it's like. I'd do that guy. >> He's all that in a bag of chips. >> That's how people talk. I know I. shouldn't be talking this way, but. [laughter]. I love reacting. I'm only. >> Karen, are you listening to [laughter]. us right now? >> Karen, are you on the. >> I'm anticipating what you guys will be. saying. I guess I won anticipator of the. year award last year. I'm a really good. anticipator, but [laughter] I'll just.

wait for Sonas and David's Laughter to. calm down, which I'm assuming is. happening. >> But anyway, I just I don't know. I just. I listen to Con and I'm like, "Wowy, wowy. Woo. He's just the best." So. anyway, Conan, I'm just curious. Do you. ever think that you'll divorce your wife. and maybe be back on the market and hang. out at Anchorage? I sure hope so. A lot. of ladies up here will be pretty happy. Well, got to go now. Bye. Oh, look. It's. cold outside. That's Anchorage for you. [laughter] A.

little joke. Bye. Well, no, I don't. think I'll be divorcing my wife anytime. soon. Love my wife. We've been married a. long time. She's my soulmate. But hey, you'll be the first alcohol should the. deal go down cuz she may want me out. >> Yeah, she gets pretty exasperated. I do. this thing at home where I take pretend. calls. >> and Liza hates it. >> Oh, she does. Yeah. But it's so great. >> Yeah. She said, "Why don't you go do. that at work?" So, I thought I'd do it.

here at work. >> But anyway, you. >> Yeah. Well, no, no, no. I I didn't do it. here yet. I'm think I might do it. >> Karen said, "You're all that in a bag of. chips.". >> Yeah. That's how kids talk now, I guess. >> Yeah. Okay. It's funny. I hear you say. that all the time and literally nobody. else. Okay. Okay. >> Yeah. >> So, pretty cool. Victor Hidalgo. [laughter]. >> Where's Victor calling from? >> He's coming from Corpus Christi, Texas. >> Conan man, [laughter]. he's a man. You're the man. Conan,

you're one cool ombre. [laughter]. Is he Mexican? >> Uh, you're a cool guy, Conan. I'm. actually uh despite my name, I am My. family is from Sweden, [laughter]. >> but I I just use the word ombre every. now and [laughter] then. >> Okay. Just. >> Yeah. But my father is Lars and my. mother my mother is Torquia.

And uh yeah, I just go by Victor Hidalgo. cuz you know. Okay. >> But anyway, I just want to say the. show's amazing. And sometimes when I'm. sitting in my sauna and [clears throat]. and having a taco, [laughter]. I just think this coding guy is amazing. Again, no question. Just Victor Hidalgo. here from Sweden and I just think you're. amazing. >> Again, no question. Like he's. referencing. Jackie. I'm just.

>> anticipating. [laughter]. >> It's weird with us that everyone else. probably didn't have a question either. cuz what can you ask this man? [laughter]. >> It's like perfect. You know, we have an. old saying in Sweden, if if the skates. aren't bent, skate away. Skate away. And. uh I just want to say you're the best, Conan. You're absolutely amazing. And. someday I hope you and I can split a. Jimmy Chunga. [laughter]. Peace out. Wow, that guy's incredible. >> Peace out. He said, "Peace out.".

>> Yeah, he did. I don't know. I have to. say these have been amazing calls and I. don't I don't These are better than the. calls that are curated. >> by Gorly, who I think does a shitty job. finding callers. >> Do you think there's a caller from like. a Sona fan? >> Oh, well, I could try and find out. Let's see. I'll look through the list. here. Um, no, there isn't. [laughter]. >> Okay, >> I know that violates every rule of. improv, but no. It isn't. [laughter]. >> There's absolutely no.

>> single one. It's. >> Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We're. getting a call right now. We're getting. a live call right now. Eduardo, can you. patch this? This person says they're a. Sona fan. Let's see if they are. Yeah, let's patch them in right now. >> Hey, is Conan there? Is Conan on the. line? Yeah, this is Conan. What's going. on? You say you're a Sona fan? Oh, yeah. I'm a big Sona fan. Psych. I'm not a. soda fan. I just want to get on. [screaming].

Psych. Psych. PSYCH. I'M NOT SODA FAN. I. [screaming] just want to talk to you. You're the best cod. I don't even KNOW. WHAT SODA DOES. SON of seems like SHE. ASKED YOU FOR A lot of favors. I think. it's too many. >> Oh, I just say. you suck. David Hoping. You suck. You. suck. YOU SUCK. PSYCH. [screaming]. PSYCH. You suck. you, Finn. >> Baba. Baba. Baba. you, F. >> Yeah. you, son. I can you. Yeah, you stink. >> You you. >> You're dragging Conan down. He's the. best. ALL RIGHT. BYE. YEAH. BYEBYE, CONAN. [screaming].

>> JESUS, that was unpleasant. >> It said he psyched me out. He said he. was a fan of yours. >> You know what? Not all our fans are. good. I think that we don't need all of. them. >> Well, we do need that guy. >> No, I don't think we do. >> Says here he's a multi-millionaire and. he wants to give all of his money to the. show, [laughter]. >> which of course would mean it would go. to me. All right. Okay. Well, that was. Review the Reviewers and I thought it. went really well. Incredible fans. I. have. >> great fans. >> The best. Peace out.