Adam Devine (FULL EPISODE) | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

[Music]. Hi, I'm Adam Divine and I feel exuberant. about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Hey, uh Conan O'Brien here. Welcome to. Con O'Brien needs a friend. And I'm. watching. Sona has a bag of popcorn and she's. whipping it across the room. Yes. Yes. You know what's impressive? Sona.

started whipping popcorn across the. room. Gorly trying to catch it in his. mouth. There were some failed attempts. I decided to start the podcast on the. action. And um what's interesting is. Sona threw two. accidentally. Accidentally. And one went into your. mouth and now you're choking. Are you. okay? I'm never better. One of them went in which was very. impressive. You okay? I am. okay. Um, look, I never said we were a. real podcast.

You know, it's funny. It was reminding. me of you were throwing popcorn across. room. I have two dogs, Loki. Wait a minute. You'll see. Loki and Odin. Uh, Loki's a. mature seven-year-old uh dog. And one of. his abilities is I can just drop a. little treat and he can snap it out of. the air. He's very good at it. Odin's is a. one-year-old uh pup and a goof. And so. I'll drop it for Loki and he'll just. snap it just as you did right now. Just. snap it out of the air. And then I'll.

drop it for Odin and he it bounces off. of his head and then he snaps his mouth. like 2 minutes later. Uh he's just he's a total clown, but. he's slowly he's slowly getting the hang. of it. And so I just had when you were. throwing the popcorn across the room, I. have this ritual every day where I'm. trying to teach Odin to be able to snap. it. And I'm I realize that you're. slightly smarter than my one-year-old. dog. Thank you. But you know what? It was on me. I. wasn't It was hard to throw popcorn and. I just couldn't get that. It's not.

aerodynamic. Yes. Long distance to get. that popcorn there. Yeah. But we pulled. it off. We did it. Yeah. You're you you're a good food. catcher. Hey, thanks. There is a reason. That's what my wife calls me. She just. You're just a food catcher. That's all. you are. That was fun. I think we've got a loose. vibe today and I want people tuning in. right now uh to know that we're a bunch. of fun regular folk that just toss. popcorn around. We lost all of it. All of it. Whatever we set up, you just. I just ruined it. Yeah, it was a nice.

moment. I had to get. Can I throw popcorn at you? No, I don't think so. And you didn't even mean in his mouth. You just wanted to pop. You want to use a different food? Yeah. Super hot fried chicken right off. the frying pan. Burning my face. Scorching it. Yes. Hot. soup. Hot. Really really hot. Sweet and. sour soup that you throw at me with a. hose.

Um I'm just I'm glad. that we're happy and we're having a good. time and and the I'm going to just say. it. I don't use the word vibe much, but. there's a good vibe today. It's like. we're just a bunch of pals having fun. That's all. We're a bunch of goofy goofy pals. throwing food. Yeah. Throwing food around. Hope we. clean up afterwards. I'm not going to cuz I didn't throw any. Oh, but um. that means I have to. Eduardo and I, by the way, are the. people who have to clean up the studio. So, I'll clean that up. No, no. I'm going to say I'm going to. say that's on Matt and Sona. They should.

have. I would never I just ate all the. pieces on my seat. Well, Eduardo is the head of the studio. Eduardo, is there food allowed in here? Typically, we try not to allow food. here, but for you guys, for you, these. aren't food. These are I had no idea. Wait a minute. Edward, never heard this rule. Excuse me, just a second. Eduardo has. the floor. Now, I also want to preface. again, Eduardo is the genius who. designed this beautiful studio that. everyone compliments us on. And so, again, props to you, Eduardo. I knew.

that we weren't supposed to have. liquid. It's just good studio etiquette. to to not have food or drinks in the. studio. But this isn't your typical. studio anyways. It's a podcast studio, so we kind of built for some food. I now hold on a second. So, uh, that's. really a recording thing that you're not. supposed to have food around cuz we've. had a ton of food in here all the time. Never said a word. You're more you're more tradition. No, because you know it's a good vibe. So, I. try to just, you know,

he's cool, Dad. But like for example, if. I were to bring in a goulash, would you have said something? A big hot. steaming goulash in a big ceramic bowl. and then just been like goulash for all. slopping it around. Coca-Cola and Mentos. Is that cool? That Yeah. No, that would not work. Um, like I said, the it's it's a podcast. studio. It's it's whatever you guys want. it to be. Just. Well, no. I I respect your uh both as a. both as a technician and a craftsman. I. respect the work you've done and I want.

to honor it. And maybe we should honor. Eduardo by not having food in here. I'm cool with snacks like like anything. that's contained. That's why like I. prefer. she was throwing the food across the. room. But you say, "Okay, let me list. some foods." Goulash. No. Probably. No. Okay. Um just a big. boiling meaty stew. Definitely. No. Okay. Tacos. Tacos. I'll allow it. Tacos you allow. But what about my. beloved Boston Chowder?

Get out of here. Mscal Palomas. Yes. There we go. Oh, I see a trend here. Wait a minute. This doesn't feel fair. What about a lot. of corn beef and potatoes? Out of here. Oh, man. What about some uh quesadillas? Oh, yes. More, please. I see what's going on. How about some Armenian gra? Grab the goo. Depends on the day of the week. Okay. Is there the goo? What is it? What is What would be an. Armenian dish that I should have yelled. out? And don't say because I know.

there's a lot of dried fruit. Kush. Crush. Kush. Kush. What's that? Kush. It's. It's a hoof soup. Soups. What? Don't. Come on. Lama. Lama. Let's just go. That's the Armenian. pizza. Kush. We've talked about this. It's, you know, it's like a peasant dish. kind of. They take all the parts of the. animal that they didn't eat and they. throw it all in a in a soup. But a hoof. You wouldn't You wouldn't. eat the hoof. You can eat the hoof. It's hot. But hoof is what? Hoof is a hardened. collagen. We It just melts down.

I think um I don't know enough about it. I know there's going to be so many. Armenians mad at me, but I I always grew. up thinking it's hoof soup. Maybe there. are no hoofs. All right. Maybe it's just got a bad. name. Eduardo is busily searching for it. on the internet. Won't come up. I don't even know. It's on the dark. You have to go on the. dark web. I don't know how you. Hey, if you want some If you want some. hoof soup, you don't just go on You don't just type. that into Google. You got to know a guy. You got to know a. guy who knows a guy who knows a horse. Okay. And I also don't know how you in. English how how you do the sound.

Yeah, I tried Kh. I think you do an X. Oh, I see. X A S H. Kush. Yeah, that's a good excuse I'll use if you. know I tell my wife I'm like, "Hush.". And she's like, "Don't you tell me to be. quiet." I'll say, "Just wanted some hoof. soup.". That's worse. It's it's so I did find it. actually k H. or the way you spelled it. So it says. kash is a traditional Armenian soup.

often made with cow feet or other beef. cows. Cow feet. They can't mean the hoof. though. Well, there's no other real part of the. foot. It's got to be. You got to you got to use the whole part. of the the whole cow. So, is there a saddle in there? I mean, what's going on? Okay. There's no saddle. It also says it's often consumed as a. hangover remedy. Mhm. Yeah. I'm bad. You have a little of that and you're. like, I'll never drink again. Anything. Nothing's going in my mouth again. What? You got a hoof in your throat. The idea.

of consuming anything again. All right, I'm trying to get this show. going. My guest today has started such. TV shows and movies as Workaholics, Pitch Perfect, and The Righteous. Gemstones. He also has a podcast called This is. Important. Hey, that's a great title. Yeah. Uh, which releases new episodes every. Tuesday. I'm excited he's here today. Adam Divine. Hey, you did the pause. Welcome. I did the pause. I did the. pause. Yes. Our long national nightmare is over.

Yeah. There's a slight pause there before you. say my name cuz I think you were. exuberant about being someone else's. friend and then remembered it was me and. I could see the life leave your body. Well, I I I am bad at reading. Not much of a reader, are you? No, no, no. You put me on the spot. reading. I'm going to make my own. Actually, when I was a kid, they thought. I couldn't read. Uh because I would like kind of read. ahead a little bit and then make my own.

story up, right? And then they're like, "He's an idiot. He can't read." And then they put me. into class like a remedial reading and. they're like, "We think you can. He just. is making his own up." Like, he's highly creative is what he is in. third grade. I had heard that there was. this Evelyn Wood speed readading course. where people and there was advertised on. television where you could read really. fast. I thought that was I just went to school. and told people I could do it and. they're like prove it. So, I picked up a.

book and I flipped through the pages. really fast. and I wasn't reading, but I was flipping. through it really fast because I was. trying to I was embarrassed. So, I was. covering for the fact that I had said I. could do this and then I did it with. another book and another book and then. they asked me what the books were about. and I was just saying stuff that kind of. sounded like it would be the book of. You're like George Washington save the. day. Yeah. You know, it was a big Yeah. And. so, and they were like, "Wow." And they. told the teacher Mrs. Sollet and they. said, "Conan's a speed reader. He can. three. He just read three books in like.

2 minutes and she came over and saw what. I was doing and basically said, "You're. an idiot. This is Knock it. off.". And I remember being so embarrassed I. turned beat red. And I said, "I'll never. do a stupid thing again.". More red. Yeah. And I was drinking that. day. Um, Adam, it's a thrill to have you. here. Good to be here. I remember you first. came onto my radar because my assistant. who's with me today son Obsessian and. joins me often. I remember she was my.

assistant. and from the day you started working for. me. every day you would come in and you were. constantly talking about this show. Workaholics and you were obsessed with. it. I was I love that show. Yeah. Thanks. And when I hear that someone that. something else is really funny I'm. furious. Yeah. Furious. I understand that. um you know like what. this can't be funny how am I involved. and she said you it has nothing to do. with you. and I said am I in it and you know it. was that that level of pology.

did I write for this or did they steal. my journal and create a TV show. there must be some way you know and um. but no and then uh she started showing. me clips of the show which was hilarious. and then I started having you guys on. and it was a perfect. mix of my audience what you guys were. doing which was so inventive and again. my favorite kind of television and. entertainment is when good friends are. entertaining themselves.

and almost defying people to say look. you can like this or not but this is. what we like. and I thought that was pretty cool and I. thought we'd start there because Sona. I love it. you you were I mean you had. you had made like pictures and posters. it was crazy relax. Okay. You went to Adam's watched it. You went. to Adam's house. You were outside my. house smelling my underwear. Yeah. Is that weird? I was a fan of your. show, so I thought I'd just drive. I remember how excited we were cuz you.

you were our favorite. And now not so. much. But back then, uh, with the intro when I walked in, that's when it diminished. And I'm like, Kimmel, you're number one. Uh, no. Adam Divine. Doo. So, we were super excited when we came. and I was just tell I had a um a. Hollywood meeting a few minutes ago. right before I came here and I was. telling the story. They were talking. about Danny on this show and and I was.

like, "Oh, I'm about to go do that." And. talking about you and how we used to. McBride. Yeah. And we used to uh come. and do the show and how one time we were. scheduled to perform, but then a portal. to another realm opened up and instead. of us performing uh or coming on and. being guests uh a portal to another. realm opened up and the wizards actually. performed. You remember that? Yes, I do remember that very well. Gangster rapping wizards from another. realm and they look kind of like us, but.

I wouldn't say identical. They had. beards. Yeah. So, uh yeah, that was that. was pretty cool that you had them on in. ourstead. I've had this theory for a. while that often times in show business. and and in life in general for anybody, you you think that your destiny is one. thing and it's your failure to get that. and you pivot and you get something that. feels lesser to you and that is actually. the real path to where you should be. going. And I know for you you're. convinced when you went to college that.

you wanted to was it UCLA? Yeah. You you thought this is where I. have to go, but it was too expensive. You couldn't afford it. So, you went to. a different school. Where'd you go? Orange Coast College. Yeah. Which is a community college in Orange. County. Yeah. So, you feel like, oh, you know, my path to my real future has been. blocked because I don't have the money. I'll go here instead. And that's where. you meet Kyle and Blake. So, again, this proves this idea I have. that that wasn't where you were supposed.

to go. You went where you were supposed. to go. Yeah. I mean, are are you and my mother. are the same person cuz she says this. all the time, but I do. I thought I had a new idea. I do listen to your mom's podcast a lot. Yes, it's good. It's skank talk. Skank talk with Penny D. Hi, Penny D. Hi, Penny. Yes. I So, so yeah, we we met. there and it was like a a kissman thing. I just thought Blake was so funny and so.

different and he had a cute tight little. afro at the time. He didn't have those. look and I always like kind of girls. like think he's sexy but that was not. the case in community college and he was. very funny. And then Kyle uh who ended. up directing a lot of our stuff and is. now a big director. We were like, "Oh, you guys make videos? I make videos. I'll show you my videos from high school. and you guys show me yours." And then as. they were showing me theirs, I like was. sinking down in my seat. I'm like,

theirs are so much better than mine. Like the the quality of their video cuz. Kyle's just a talented director. And it. was just me going like I think if it the. frame just holds on me the whole time. That's a good shot. Hey man, I think your way is my way. Also, I don't understand why I'm not in frame. So if the camera's here, that's all we. need. and you can be off camera, deliver. your lines off camera. Uh, so their. stuff was so much better and then and.

then it was kind of off to the races. from there and then we just sort of. clicked. And it also is the type of. thing that when you spend when you're in. your like I mean we were teenagers, we're 18 years old at that time. When. you're that age, you spend 100% of your. time Yes. with those people. And so we just had so. many inside like the way that we talk. and the way that we communicate with. each other and is so familiar that um I. think when we finally got our shot, people were like, "Oh, I can tell that. they're great friends. I want to be part.

of that.". The chemistry was all there. You had. done your 10 what Malcolm Gladwell would. call the 10,000 hours of we've we've. done all our stuff. which I'm going to. go back a little before that which is. something I wasn't aware of. Um which is. you went through a pretty traumatic. experience when you were a kid. Mhm. Um two, first of all, you were Catholic. I'm still reeling from that. Yeah. And. uh you know that's and and David, you.

went through Catholicism as well. Yeah. We I have a I have a one-year-old. now and my my my wife was like, "We have. to get him baptized." And I know other. no other way. So I'm like, "Yeah, he's. he's Catholic." And my wife is like, "No, he's not.". Yeah. And I'm like, "It's just I might as well. just make him Catholic. I don't know.". Yeah. Like that's what I know how to do. You. kneel, you stand, you do this thing. Yeah. It's that that's the thing. And um. No, that is not how we're raising our. son. So. yeah, my wife uh is Episcopalian and uh.

was not raised in the Catholic church, but when we had our our kids, I was the. same way. And I was like, you know, they. will be. and it just came out of me and she was. like, well, we can. all. Yeah. Like something took over my body. on the third day. Jesus rose again. I rose in the air. I spun. My arms went. out. Um, and they were. And, uh, thank. you, Liza, for going along with me on.

that one. It made my folks really happy. That's cool. Um, but it's funny because. you do this show about megaurches now. and which is hilarious show which we. will talk about cuz I love it and uh. Danny was on talking about it as well. It is the polar opposite of the Catholic. experience. Did you know when you were and going. when you were a Catholic going to. Catholic masses did you know that there. was such a thing as mega churches out. there? I think they were just sort of. starting by the time I was like when I.

was a kid I don't think they really. existed in like the 80s early 90s I. don't think. or if they existed they they weren't. quite what they. were Yeah. And then and then I remember. in high school when I'd have to go to. church and uh and then my friends would. go to church and they were just. Christian. They didn't even like there. wasn't like another thing that you said. wasn't like I'm Christian but I'm. Catholic or I'm a Christian. Yeah. They're like, "We're just Christian.". And I'm like, "What?" And they're like, "And we have rock climbing walls." And.

I'm like, "What?" And they're like, "Yeah." And. there's a cotton candy machine, right? Huh? Did you eat a wafer? No. Gummy fish. Yeah. Swedish gummy fish. Gummy fish. Yeah. Um No. And it's also like there's music. Uhhuh. And And who's playing? Fish. Fish is. playing. And there's a light show. and and loaves. Where does this happen? At the sphere in. Las Vegas.

I want this religion. Hard benches and. you know. parables. It seemed very cool. But you went through that. But you went. through something um very intense that I. didn't know about which is you were on. your bike and you were seriously. injured. Yep. Kablammo. What happened? Uh Kablam mode is the medical term. You. could just dumb it down for the rest of. us. I was cablam mode. We got a Kablammo. here. I saw that there's an episode of. The Pit where they go, "We got a. Kablammo.". We got one Kablamo coming in. We need.

fully kabammed. We need three cc's a. feel better quick. So, what happened? Cuz it's pretty. heavy. I I was hit by a cement truck as a. little boy. I would. You were on your bike. I was on my bike. My uh Are you guys. squeamish? Nope. Squeamish. So, Holy. Oh my god. Yeah. So it looks like uncooked chicken, but um it is my leg. And. is that with skin grafts then over it? Yeah. Yeah, that's skin graft. So the. the skin was ripped off and the other.

leg's a little better, but it was half. the leg and I broke everything from the. knees down that they had to reconstruct. my legs and then my left femur and then. some ribs and I punctured along and was. bleeding out of my ears. But then. they're like, "No brain damage.". I beg to differ. I just based on your. work. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Yeah. The doctors are. looking at at workaholics. Uh uh we. might have gotten it wrong 25 years ago.

We've pitch perfect workaholics. Uh wait, are you looking at cat scans? No. No, just the work. No, his filmography. So, I mean uh we're. laughing a lot, but horrifying. And were. you were you unconscious for a long. time? Yes, a couple weeks. It was a medical. induced coma and then uh. Yeah. So, so essentially three. symmetrics I lived in the suburbs and. three cement trucks were going up the.

hill as two were coming down or some. version of that cuz new houses were. being built everywhere. And uh my friend. was across the street and he yells come. on as in let's go and I took that as. coast is clear and he goes come on and. I'm like okay and I walk out after the. third cement truck passed and so I. couldn't see the other side of the. street. and was hit and I flung uh I said 500 ft. cuz that's what my mom told me and.

that's what's in my Wikipedia page. But. then I I did another podcast and I think. Theo Vaughn was like 500 ft. That's so. far. And I'm like, "It's really far.". Yeah, I guess it is. He goes, "How far. is the longest field goal ever kicked?". And it was like 162 ft. And I'm like, "I. wasn't kicked." My mom's a liar. Yeah. I don't know if I was even hit by that. It's me saying I'm a speed reader. Yeah. I went 100 miles. Yeah. It was my mom like trying to judge. up the numbers of me getting hit by a.

cement truck. She's like, "It was 500. ft, too. It wasn't even a small. distance. It was 500 ft.". Oh, Penny. And it wasn't it wasn't 30 tons. It was. 80 tons. It's 80 ton cement truck. So, one of the heaviest in the world. When you're hit by a cement truck as a. kid and you get that kind of damage, you. don't need to juzj it out. I know. I know. I know. It was also carrying dynamite and it. blew up. Yeah. And then he had a gun on him and. he shot him. He shot him in the leg so. he couldn't tell. So, you couldn't tell. He was in the lake so he couldn't tell. Uh and and then the funny no I mean.

funny but I was hit in one county and. landed in another because because the. the road was the dividing line between. the counties. Uh so that was a fun thing. that we got to talk about. But so so the. recovery process because you're in a. wheelchair for a chunk of time. Yeah. for about two years. It was God, middle school was really cool for me. And uh it was kind of a cool cool. experience to be the crippled kid. Um.

yeah, so I was in a wheelchair and I uh. you know would get on crutches and then. have another surgery. I had something. like. 26 or 28 surgeries during that time. And. uh yeah, and then and then my eighth. grade year, so that was the summer going. into sixth grade. And by 8th grade, uh I. played football. Wow. And by the way, the worst guy on the. team. It was the coaches being like, "He.

can play.". And then they're like, "You're a. defensive lineman.". Yeah. So it's just me just like going. falling over and our quarterback getting. sacked. You're just your entire body is. made of recently healed bones. Yes. That doesn't sound like a good idea. Who would let you play Penny? Who would. let you play? Uh my doctor actually, my mom was like, if the doctor says you could play, you. could play. And the doctor was like, I. don't I don't see what's wrong with it. If he wants to play and my mom's like,

"You son of a. How dare you?" Uh and then I and then I. played. But uh you know, I was I was. really really bad. And then so I thought. I was going to be like this athlete as a. kid. I was like that was my whole, you. know, I'm like I'm going to be a. professional baseball player. No one in. my family's athletic. So this was a pipe. dream. But that was my my goal. And then. after I was hit, I always my I have a. very very funny family and I always. liked making people laugh. And then I. started to call into radio stations. And.

I would call into the radio station in. Omaha, uh, 1067 The Edge or 1019 The. Edge, and I would do different voices. and different characters. And then that. became like a a little thing on the. radio. because you're confined. You're like, "This is you at home, wheelchair, maybe. not going to school. You can't be having. fun, so this is what you do.". Exactly. And this was sixth and seventh. grade. And then they were like, "Come on. down. We want you to be part of the the. drive time hour." And so my mom loads me.

into the minivan, takes me down there, my legs are can't bend, so they're fully. just extended in front of me. She picks. me up, she puts me in the wheelchair, wheels me into the radio station, and. they're like, "Oh, we didn't realize you. were a crippled child.". Jesus, we thought you were an adult man. Oh no. By the way, a sad weird adult man who. only talks to us in character voices, but we didn't know you were. So, we. can't pay you and have you be part, you. know, we can't have you on staff, but we.

can pay you in like CD cranberry CDs. I. have I have all the cranberry accepted. still cranberry um wall flowers. Uh god. yeah all the good all the hits. and then uh like free concert tickets. and so then that was sort of my segue. into comedy where I was like oh it's you. can being funny you can do cool things. and get cool things. that yeah that is the the um crucial.

moment I think for a lot of people in. our industry is the moment you and some. people realize it or know it really. early but the moment when you realize. wait a minute there's a use for this. thing I. I just thought I was, you know, entertaining slash annoying my. brothers and friends to no end all the. time. And then someone links it to. that's great. Here's a cookie. Here's a. free t-shirt. Wait a minute. Here's a. here's a job here. Here's a job there.

And it's you can't believe it. You can't. believe it. I could not believe. I was so excited. and the fact that my mom was getting her. hair done. She was she has this. beautiful poof, Penny. And so she was. poofing this thing up at the salon and I. came on the radio and someone in the. salon said, "Oh my god, I love this guy. He calls in all the time." And my mom. was like, and and I remember once that happened, I. was like, "Oh, I can My mom like I'll.

put some shine on the family by doing. this thing cuz I'm not going to be the. professional athlete that we all thought. I was going to be.". There's still time. Yeah, there's still time. Young man, yeah, cornhole is getting uh in the. Olympics. Do you have any residual pain from what. you went through in your life or is that. all behind you the physically? No. Up until maybe 3 years ago, I would. say, "Yeah, it's basically behind me.". Like I have a creek in the knee or. whatever. But in the last 3 years,

it was crazy. I uh I suddenly start to. have spasms. and my muscles will get super tight and. the doctors couldn't explain it. And. they told me at one point that I have. this autoimmune disease called stiff. person syndrome. Oh. Which is essentially like a a death. sentence for the most part. And people. die within like 6 years usually. And so. they told me that I had it. And they. told me I had it a month before Bo was. born, my son. And I'm like, "This isn't.

a cool thing to say to me." So I'm on. the toilet at 4:00 a.m. looking at. videos of people with stiff person. syndrome. I'm like, I I I don't want. this to be my life. And then 6 months. goes by, or then they tell me, "Well, maybe you don't have it." Cuz I had one. of the markers, but not the other marker. in my blood. And they're like, "Maybe. you don't have it." And then 6 months. goes by and I'm shooting gemstones and. they're like, "We do think you have it.". So I then I went to Philadelphia and I. met with the oldest man alive who uh.

coined the phrase stiff person syndrome. He's like the guy. and he told me I absolutely don't have. it and it's all residual from my. accident. Um, but it's it is a weird. thing where like. it's harrowing. that I can't. I mean I I you know it's a weird thing. because I still want to act and want to. do all this stuff but I have a hard time. standing for more than like 15 or 20. minutes at a time and I can't. run and move in the same ways that I. could just a couple years ago. So, I'm. I'm doing a wild amount of physical.

therapy and and that kind of stuff. Like. now that I'm in between uh in between, you know, jobs, uh I'm still writing, doing all kinds of other stuff. But as. far as being on set goes, I'm just like. physical therapy, body work, acupuncture, chairo chitherapy, like. every everything. So, I'm in the midst. of it now. It's uh I mean clearly you've. been through you went through this. massive injury, but it is just true. The. the best analogy I've ever heard is that. when you're born, you're dropped into a.

current that's taking you in the right. direction and very powerfully and you. just get bigger and stronger doing. absolutely nothing, you know, and then. as you get older, the current starts to. slow and then it comes to a standill and. then it starts to go the other way. And. so you actively have to work at staying. just where you are. Yeah. And I thought, yeah, I think that's the best. description. of the aging process, which is I do a. lot. just to stay where I am, you know? It's not.

I used to work out a lot to like look. strong and get muscles and now I'm like. it's just like. holding like holding weights like just. isometric holds and just all this stuff. that I was like I'm never going to do. this. Now I work out like I'm an. 88-year-old grandmother like who's just. like doesn't want both of her hips to. snap if she misses a stare. You have pool You have pool noodles. totally with a bunch of other old. ladies. Absolutely. I just have my hair in a.

hairet. There's nothing to do with it. Yelling at you with your noodles hitting. her noodle. You go to the salon with Penny now. Totally. I got to work on my penny in. here. Yeah. Um, well, I have to say I wouldn't. know any of this cuz I mean in all your. work, but in in your latest work in. Gemstones, you're just always so. physically present and funny and great, you know, and and you you know, we've. covered you do you meet the fellas, you. guys do workaholics, you start to get.

traction. Pitch Perfect. when Pitch Perfect comes along. and you are up for this role, you didn't. even really know what the role was. Is. that true? Yeah, that is true. I We were shooting. Workaholics and it was they were like, "The producers really like you for this. Pitch Perfect movie. You should go. audition." And I'm like, "I don't have. time. Like, I have my own TV show. I. don't have time." And uh they were like,

"Make time. This is a real movie. It's. Universal. go. And so we made it so I. wasn't shooting the scene after lunch. So I could go during lunch. I could. drive my ass down to Santa Monica or I. think it was Santa Monica audition and. then get back before I had to do the. scene later in the day. And so I'm like, "All right." And I go and I'm looking at. the sides as I get there and I think. it's a baseball movie. I swear to you, I. think it's Pitch Perfect. I think it's a. baseball movie.

That would be my first assumption. Yes. I'm like stretching out in the. parking lot like, "All right, maybe I. got to. uh" And then I see all these guys. singing and I'm like, "That's not going. to help you with the baseball movie, pussy.". Look at these losers. Oh boy. Someone didn't play baseball in the. fifth grade. And so, uh, and then I actually take a. look at the sides and I'm like, "This.

isn't baseball at all. There's a lot of. singing in this baseball movie. And so I. go and I I do the the scenes and it it. went well. And they were like, "What. song did you prepare?". And you had not prepared anything. I had not prepared anything. And they're. just like, "Well, it's whatever like song that you know a. lot of the words to. We just want to. know you can carry a tune." So the. weirdly the first song that popped into. my head was whatever happened to. predictability, the milkman, the paper boy, the evening. TV, which is the full house theme song.

And then somehow I got I have no idea. I. walked out of there. I'm like, they all. laughed really hard, but I'm like I. didn't prove I could sing. I don't think. they wanted like a 80-year-old jazz. singer to to be the lead of. I love that there are. actors out there listening right now who. are furious. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who do everything they've gone to. Giuliard. They can they they find out. they research the role and then they. hear you. I don't know. I thought I was.

sing. I don't know. I guess I'll do the. full house theme. You're hired. Yeah. Okay. Thanks. I'm. definitely way more prepared in the. things I do now. But I think there is a. special if you could care less about. most things, it goes better. If I think. when you care too much and you're too. wrapped up, you get emotionally tied to. a thing and you like you want it too. much and it comes off as like a weird. manic energy when you come in the room. You're like, "Hey, how's Oh, pleasure. Pleasure to meet you." And you're. talking to the the casting director, the.

producers like, "I don't want to hang. out with this guy on set.". No, they can smell it. There's a. pheromone you put out when you. I had when I auditioned. when they had a test for me for the late. night show to replace Letterman. I was a. writer on the Simpsons. Yeah. You know, had no business even. auditioning for this thing, but Lauren. knew me. Da d d d d d d d d d d d d d d. d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d. d d d d d d he said you know maybe. whatever a bunch of sort of things came. together. I thought there's no way this.

is happening. So, I went into it. thinking, "Well, this is fun. I'm gonna. pretend to be a talk show host.". And um that was the spirit that I did it. in. And then a couple of weeks later, ring ring, you're replacing David. Letterman at 12:30. And I was I was. completely unreed for the next two. years. Yeah. Once you had the job. Once I had the job to actually do. Hello everybody. Welcome. I hope you. like the show. We're going to try our. really hardest. I hope you like it. It's.

going to be good. I hope. Yeah. Oh my god, this guy's awful. And then. you know you the the sheer volume of it. knocked that out of me. But um I know. what you're talking about. Yeah. You just are It's better you didn't. know. I think so. And I I've I mean now as my. career has has grown and gone on, I'm. like I'm definitely more prepared with. things, but I still try to bring that. energy of like. I I've been around long enough that if. this thing doesn't go, I'll find. something else or I'll I'll put another.

thing. So like don't put too much. pressure on on one thing. And I think it. I think it helps. [Music]. I have this me weird ghost memory of. hosting the MTV Movie Awards and I did. something with you, but I don't remember. what we did. I'm sure there's a. I do you I have no memory. You came and like you were slain on the.

guitar and then I came and helped you. sing this like. I don't remember. I don't remember. It was such a fever. dream. You know what was so crazy is all. I remember about that is I said, "Yeah, I like to try things." And they said, "Hey, do you want to host the MTV Movie. Awards?" And I thought, "That's funny.". Even then I was old, but I was like, "No, but you know what I mean." I was. just like, "Okay, sure." And all I. remember is they put me in something. that hides you and it and it lifts up. and reveals you as like rock music.

plays. Yes. Rock arpeggios play. And I. remember just a voice going, "Ladies and. gentlemen, MTV. coming over." And just before they said. my name, smoke started to fill the. chamber. And I'm like, "What the fuck?". Cuz they didn't do that at rehearsal cuz. they wanted smoke to billow out. And I I just. Yeah. I just knew then that this is. insane. I shouldn't be on one of these. shows where there's smoke, but you But. thank you for helping me. Of course. I hosted the MTV uh movie.

awards in like 2017. or 18 or something like that and I'm. dressed as the I didn't have I was. shooting a movie uh The Game Over Man. with the Workaholics guys and. I didn't have time to do a lot of. rehearsals. So I flew down the day. before the uh or the day of the event. and we just rehearsed the big opening. sequence in the morning just that. morning. We only ran through it twice. and I'm dressed as the the beast in full.

beast makeup and I'm like supposed to. walk down the stairs and then I hook me. up to a rig and fly through the audience. and I tip over someone into uh like he's. dressed as a canal or I think it was. Blake Anderson and he falls in and the. stage starts on fire. It's like a whole. thing and and everything has to be. pretty perfect and it's a whole song and. dance number and I remember the crowd is. behind is the back of the stage but I'm. facing them and then I turn around once. the curtains open and I'm facing them. and I'm like trying to think of the.

lyrics like as as so I'm like sort of. mouthing them and I think the audience. thought I was really nervous which I was. moderately nervous but they're like you. can do it. you can do it Adam. and girls being like, "It's okay. You. got this. You got this." And I'm like, "This is making that's making it worse. It's making it worse." Uh, but it's a. weird It's a weird weird. Sounds like you've had plenty of these. I've had so many moments where I be. suddenly become aware that my life is.

very strange. Oh yeah. And one was shooting a thing in a car in. a open topped convertible. Bentley with Mr. out and there was a scene that required. us to be driving in the country in. upstate New York and he's driving and. we're driving for a while and I fall. asleep next to him. Really fall asleep. genuinely cuz it takes cuz it cuz I'm. I'm tired and I put my head back. and I I fell asleep hard for like maybe. 2 minutes and I woke up and I'm looking.

straight up and it's fall upstate New. York. beautiful leaves are passing over. my head and I turn my head slightly and. Mr. te is driving in a car and I don't. understand what's happening. And I. thought that's what show business is. some if you that's I mean that's what I. love about it is. when you have moments of I'm just I'm. looking out at this people. I just. knocked over a human candalabra. Um I'm. dressed as the beast. What's happening?

What's going on? It's so surreal that I. had a a surreal moment with you when you. called me to do that bit on the movie. awards or whatever you were hosting. Uh. I was in a hot air balloon. What? Yeah. I was literally flying in a hot. air balloon with my ex-girlfriend at the. time and we're soaring in the sky and I. get a call. My agents told me, "Hey, expect a call." And I'm like, "I'm. getting on a hot air balloon." And. they're like, "Uh, someone's going to be. calling you. you have to pick up.

They're going to be calling you. Pick up. if you can. I'm like, I'm currently. getting on a hot air balloon. Can they. call in a couple hours when they're. done? They're like, no, he's going to be. calling you. And I'm like, okay. And I. didn't know who it was. I could have. called you later. I know. I know. That's why I'm like, agents are just like, it's happening. now. It's a game of telephone that's. constantly like, watch it now. Yeah. No, I'm It could be It could be in an. hour. Uh, so I'm like in a hot air. balloon. I get the call from you and. you're like, "Hey, you want to do this. thing?" And I'm like, "Yeah, I'm in a.

hot air balloon." You're like, "Weird. joke. Haha." And I'm like, "My serious I. seriously am." And then and then we. landed. And we landed. It was in San. Diego. And when we land, we land in. these like rich people's backyard and. they come out with champagne and they're. like, "Oh my god, this has never. happened. You landed in our backyard. Do. you want to race uh go-karts?" And we're. like as they're like tying like putting. the balloon like deflating it and. everything and we're like okay they have. a full go-kart track that we just got. her like race and we raced with their.

children for like an hour as they. as they put this balloon and I'm like. this is a surreal like Conan just called. me in a hot air balloon. And it was. Yeah, it was just. It's one of those things where, God. forbid, a crime or a murder had happened. somewhere around that time and you. needed an alibi and you said, "I was in. a hot air balloon and then we landed and. there was a go-kart race and I just. talked to Conan.". It sounds like Rock him up. Yeah. It sounds like a little kid who's. just like caught in a lie who's just. saying stuff. and then and then.

um so I'm curious about Righteous. Gemstones. Such a funny show. Um, did. you know Danny McBride? Had you guys met. before you started working on this. thing? No. Uh, John, you guys have an amazing chemistry. together? Yeah. Thanks. We're uh. that whole cast it's it really is one of. the great casts on television right now. And so and you all feel like you're so. sympotico. And so I was I was thinking, did you know Danny? No. No. I think he.

like knew Workaholics a little bit and. seen some of my other stuff and his. writing partner John Cererry uh wrote. for us on Workaholics for one season. Okay. So, I think that might have been a. connection, but he uh yeah, he he just. asked if I wanted to be play his brother. in something and we he was like, "Would. you mind coming? We've never met. Would. you mind coming out and and having a. dinner?" and I went to Charleston and. met him and David Gord Green and Jody. Hill and we had this nice dinner and. everything. But actually the very first.

time I met Danny, he doesn't remember. this really, but it was at the um This. is the End premiere. Oh yeah. Uh the. movie. Yeah. Very funny movie. And. so. we were at the after Seth Rogan and and. it Yeah. And so I'm at this afterparty. and I'm like kind of I was pretty early. on at this point in my career. So, I'm. like really excited just to even be in. the room and I'm like, "Oh my god, like. all these comedy heroes are here." But. Danny for me is like on a Mount. Rushmore. Like I I love the guy. And so.

I'm trying to. like I smoke weed but not like Seth. Rogan does. And so he's going toeto toe. with he's like here, here. And so I'm. like, "Okay, I can keep up.". And this through the cloud of smoke. Danny appears and I go, "You're Danny. McBride." And he's like, "Yeah, man. Hey, nice to meet you." And I go, "You're a bright shooting star.". I swear to you, dude. I said he was a. bright shooting star.

And then. and then he's like, "All right, man.". And I went and grabbed my girlfriend and. I was like, "We have to leave." And. she's like, "Why? I'm having a good. time. This is a fun party." And I go, "I. just called Dana McBride a bright. shooting star." And she's like, "You're. right. We do. We do have to go now. We need to leave immediately. Yeah. You're not allowed to be here. anymore. I love his whole thing where he, you. know, he lives in uh Charleston in Char.

lives in Charleston with his people and. they I love that he was talking about it. here on the podcast. They just live in. Char you like he's not nope not going to. live not going to move to LA any of. that. We're just going to make our. stuff. He had lived here for years. So, it's. not like he doesn't have a base here, but he Yeah, they they were just. shooting I think um uh Vice Principles. his his series right before Righteous. Gemstones and they just by happen stance.

couldn't shoot where they in Wilmington. I think uh North Carolina and they had. to shoot in Charleston and they really. hadn't spent much time there and they. shot there and they fell in love with it. cuz it's one of the prettiest places and. they all live on an island 20 minutes. from downtown and When I was there, I. rented a house on the water and and. everyone just drives in golf carts. It's. idealic. It is so fantastic. And Danny, to your point of like us being such a.

great cast and feeling like we know each. other, he does such a great job and I. feel like I learned so much from him. about like being a leader. Uh he takes. his people out all the time. He does. little parties. He does get togethers. He's, "Hey, everybody come over. uh we're grilling at the house, we're. going to go swimming, we're going to go. out on a boat, whatever it is. And you. really feel like you you were jumped. into his gang right away. And it was. Yeah. I'm not down with any of this. Yeah. I'm so sorry.

No, I mean, you're just putting. something out there now that then. expectations. It'd be really nice if you can invite us. over for like food and parties and. stuff. I will arrange for a table uh for all of. you at Pikito Moss. I will not be there. Someone who looks. kind of like me will be there and you. guys will cover the bill. Arrange a table. I would love a a a Conan impersonator. just shows up. wiggling his head. And you can see the. strap that's holding his wig on is under.

his chin. Flip-flop chip chop. All right. Well, you guys have to cover this. Remember. Kona's not paying for it. Flipflop chip chop. Yep. That's my. the old tagline. That's the old tagline. Um, how do you like being a dad? I think. I haven't seen you since you became a. dad. I I mean, I love it more than I even. thought I would. Yeah, it's uh it's not. funny to say that, but it's it's true. It's okay to actually have a human. emotionally.

Not often. You're allowed one. People don't like. it. They don't like it. Um, yeah, it's it's it's great. And he. he every day is so fun. How old now? Uh, he's 15 months today. Wow. Okay. Which is like I never thought I'd be the. type of person that was like after a. year to talk about months. But it is. important because you if cuz like at a. year if he can't say da da that's. totally fine. But by 13 months he's like. a total idiot. So so you really keep. tabs on on every little thing where I'm.

like da da da da. Yeah. And you're taking another page off. the calendar. Come on. D I know you got it. You got it. But. you'd be such a fun dad. I think I can. see you. a lot of it is and it was I mean I loved. being silly with my kids and still do to. their dismay, but I I just ate it up. with a spoon. I It wasn't like, well, time to get on the floor and act like an. idiot. I'm always on the floor acting.

like an idiot, so there should be kids. around. It's weird if there's not. Uh yeah, it's it's unreal. And I'm I'm. like learning new thing. Like I can do a. great Elmo like uh he's like thrown for. a loop. He thinks I'm possessed. I'm. like, "Hi Bo, it's me, Elmo.". Wow, that is good. It is good. Like come over here. Play. Put your toys. away. And then he's like,

"Yeah, it's kind of scary, actually.". Yeah. I didn't know I had it. And then. all of a sudden I'm like I act like I'm. possessed. Elmo is in control now. You will go to the ATM. Yeah. You will use this pin number. Okay. Elmo. Elmo can create all kinds of. hell. Yeah. Elmo's a maniac. It turns out. Uh. yeah. So it's it's it's been a blast. I'm I'm loving it. I'm so thrilled that you came by and did. this. Me, too. Yeah. I'm I'm a big fan. And.

this was. well I I just uh you've always been. incredibly nice to me and and so just. getting to hear you tell your story uh. and take us through it is it's so funny. I'm just imagine a lot of people. listening to it who are big fans of. yours getting kind of inspired who don't. even know half the that you've been. through. All the Symmetra kids out there. They're. like I can walk. You never know.

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming by. Of course. You're a fine fellow. And uh. please come back. I'm glad you came around on me. Yeah. Cuz this. it didn't it didn't start off great. Yeah. I'm glad you came around. I have. to tell you when you walked in the door, I was mad. Yeah, I know. I noticed that energy, you know, and I like your work, but when. I just got this energy of pure evil. Well, it's cuz I I went with the suede. jacket, you went with the standard. leather, and it was it was kind of a. battle from there on. Yeah. Whenever I'm. wearing leather, just regular leather,

tanned leather, and someone else has. suede, you're a monster. How dare they? It's just It's on. I feel threatened. I. feel threatened. Makes. sense. Hey, Adam, thank you so much. Of course. Thanks. Occasionally. I like to reminisce about my uh comedy. showbiz past. and this just popped into my head and uh. it takes me back to this very particular.

time in my career. I I just did we. weren't even recording and I did a bit a. very stupid silly bit and I'll explain. what that was in a second but it. immediately reminded me of this time I. think back in maybe 1993 or 1994. and is when my show is first starting. and as you a lot of younger people don't. know this but um when my show first. premiered in uh in September of 1993 you. know I was very it was new it was very.

raw I was uh you know very. inexperienced, very young. I was. replacing the great David Letterman. So. as you can imagine there was a lot of. criticism and doubt and people were like. who who hired this guy? And it was. choppy waters for quite a while and. people thought we maybe this isn't going. to work out and everything. And then uh. Dave invited me on his show. His show. was on CBS and it was the big number one. show at the time. And this was a big.

deal to get to go on Dave's show and, you know, promote the show that we were. doing a couple of blocks away, his old. show. It was a big deal. And so I was. thinking of what to do, what stories. could I tell. And then it's just a total. cuz I was always goofing around. It's a. total joke in the writer room. I mimed. I acted out doing something where I. said, "What if I just went out?" And. again, I wasn't serious, but what if I. just walked out there and David Letter, you know, if David Letterman said, "All. right, well, this next gentleman took.

over our old show on uh at the late. night show that's on at 12:35 on NBC.". And I think, you know, please welcome. Conan O'Brien. And there's the band is. playing Paul Schaefer. And I walk out. and I shake Dave's hand and I sit down. and Dave says, "So Conan, how are you. liking the new show?" And I say, and. this is, you might have to check out. Instagram for this, but whatever, but. because I'm going to act it out that I. Team Coco podcast. at team Coco podcast. and that I would say he would say. welcome cone and I you know how's it. going over there at the new show and I'd.

say well Dave I got to tell you I just. think. oh my god. you glitched. oh my god. why would you think this what is wrong. and absolutely freeze and the reason. this came to mind is just before I froze. I I used something I used to like to do. is say I got to tell you something I and. I would freeze And I got pretty good at. it where I could really freeze and. commit to it. And the whole idea is I. would freeze. and I would not have told Dave.

beforehand or his producers or anybody. And so I was pitching this as you know. the way I love to pitch this is the. worst thing I could do. Yes. So I'm pitching this. The writers are laughing really hard. and Robert Smeiggel who's the headwriter. at the time and uh you know brilliant. headwriter and everything said you have. to do it. Oh man I'm nervous already. And I was. like, "What? I can't." And he and he. said, "You have to do it.". That's not. And you just freeze. And I just knew. that. what would happen is I'd go like, "Well,

Dave, I just think that I. And then Dave would like watch for a bit. and go like, "Uh, hello, Conan. Conan, Conan." And then he'd probably be like, "Uh, Paul, I think we have a situation. over here." And no matter what they did, I would stick to it. And then Dave would. just say, "Okay, I think we're guess. we'll just take a commercial.". Yeah. And Robert Smeiggel, he can deny it if he wants. Robert Smiggel said, "Not only should. you do it, you have to do it. You have. to do it." And I was saying, "I don't I.

don't think I can do that. I'm barely. not getting cancelled now." In fact, we. were cancelled at one point for like 30. minutes in in by NBC and Burbank and. then they realized they didn't have a. replacement. So, I mean, I'm not even. hanging by a thread. They had to stick with you. They they. were like, "We literally don't have. another person drive around and and try. and find someone." But that's how bad it. was. So, I'm not just hanging by a. thread. I'm hanging by a thread of the a. tiny thread that came off that thread. Why would Why would Rob think that?

That's. cuz Robert thought it was so great and. revolutionary and would just like No. one's ever done anything like that. It. would be like an Andy Kaufman and I. would stick to it and I would. And you would never unfreeze the entire. time. I would not unfreeze. They would go to. commercial. They would probably just say like, "Get. the out of here.". Yeah. I would go across the street and that. America would in that moment realize he. has broken the sound barrier of comedy. And I was thinking I don't think that's. what's going to happen. So what what did happen? What did happen is that I didn't do that.

and thought of some stories. And because. I was new and nervous, I did by today's. standards, I did, you know, like that. was okay. I'm sure it wasn't uh I didn't. have the confidence or I think people. hadn't tuned into my rhythm yet too. And there's no way to know which way. Dave Letterman would have gone with. that. He could have liked it or he could. have he. loathed it. Um. any normal person would I absolutely. when he does it, how we deranged. Yeah. And so that's just for you comedy nerds.

out there. That's the world I was in. where Robert Smeiggel and God bless you. Robert still the funniest, most. prolific. It's it's Robert Smileer, Jim. Downey, take your pick. These are just. insanely top of the best comedy writers, prolific. Um, and and so essential to uh. the DNA of my late night show, uh that. and that he was pushing me to do that. Crazy. And if I had said to him, "Okay, I'm.

gonna do it." He he wouldn't have. stopped me. He wouldn't have stopped me. He wouldn't. have said, you know, he wouldn't have. chased me down to the west side and. said, "Wait, wait, I thought about it. I. thought about it. Don't do it." And. there's an alternate universe. I don't. know if you guys in the sci-fi world, you know, where there's an alternate. universe where things play out. differently. There's an alter alternate. universe somewhere where I come out and. Dave says, "Conan, uh, how's it going. there with the new late night show?". Well, David, I got to be honest. Oh my. god, that would have that Conan is just.

like working. in accounting or something. Although I do like this part where he's. just frozen and you and I can just have. a conversation. Yeah, but we never would have met. No, that's true. But we have it now, so. let's not waste this talking about him. Yeah. And maybe you and I could just just talk. about some. Which comedy bit do you think triggered. that memory for him? Do you think it was. sanitized pirate or when he picked up. the tissue and went tissue? I barely. even know you. Um, I did hold a wet wipe. uh this in a perfect square to my eye.

during one of the breaks and I put it. over my eye and said, "Hey, check it. out. Sanitized pirate." I do a sort of. Allah Robin Williams, you know who's you. know sanitized pirate. Um. there's no I don't know what's wrong. I. need to go to a doctor and there is a. hospital. half a block down from where we close. the medical center. We need to get me there. But that is. just I'm just telling you know longtime. fans that um that maybe there's a 1%.

chance it would have catapulted me into. a new realm. That's the thing is there there is that. tiny chance where it could have been. this stellar almost previral moment but. there's also this big chance of like oh. wait who is this guy? What's he doing? You know it could have killed up could. have killed you. Easily could have could have it would. have killed me. It would have killed me. There's no internet now. It's not like. people can share it and be like, "Look. what this guy did." It's like. be like, "Uh, something's wrong with. this guy.". Yeah. And then cancelled the next day.

Internet can sometimes save you because. people can be really upset about. something and then they the internet. rallies behind you and they realize, "Oh, no, no, people out there get what. he was trying to do." Anyway, uh, that's. just something that came to mind. I. wanted to share it. I thought that was. worth our time. Memory. It makes Robert look crazy. I love you, Robert. You're a genius. And. who knows, maybe you were right. We'll. never ever know.