Selects: Star Wars Holiday Spectacular | STUFF YOU SHOULD KNOW

hi everyone it's Josh and we can. officially kick off the holidays with. the annual release of our Star Wars. holiday special episode I hope by now. it's become an annual tradition in your. home rather than a deepening annoyance. and I hope it brings you glad tidings. rather than rage listening I know some. of you have been at it since September. but let the 2023 holidays. begin welcome to stuff you should know a. production of iHeart.

[Music]. Radio hey and welcome to the podcast I'm. Josh Clark with Charles W chucker Bryant. and Jerry Jerome. Roland uh the wook mother yeah. Mala uh that was the wook wife oh and. mother yeah sure Chewbacca's bomb is not. with them any longer she left she was. not about to appear in that she went out.

the window mhm I'm excited about this I. have to say uh we should say Happy Star. Wars day yeah today is um December 17th. um I have my opening night tickets do. you really sure. wow you don't I you care you into it oh. yeah I will definitely go see it in the. theater but um why won't be their. opening night sure I've gotten really. Adept at like. ignoring spoilers people talking about.

stuff all like so I can I could. conceivably see this movie a month after. it comes out and still go in fresh yeah. that's I'm an ostrich yeah you you black. yourself out yeah you go dark I I do I. make myself go to sleep basically you go. to the dark side uh I've been there a. while now uh well Happy Star Wars day. though I'm sure that I think this pairs. nicely with Christmas Star Wars day it's. all come together yes um we already.

missed life day though so happy belated. life day Chuck are they celebrating it. this year November 17th yeah but it's. every 3. years Arcane yeah man nice job okay so. it's every three years started in 1978. let's do the math shall. we quick math break I believe that La. 2014 was the last life day man we just. missed it and then again in 2017 Okay so. 17 we'll celebrate life day we'll put on.

our red robes uh our Ultra long straight. ironed wigs sure and we'll celebrate. life day the way it was meant to be yes. and if you have no idea what we're. talking about we are talking about life. day which is a celebration uh that. Wookies in the Star Wars Universe have. every three years yeah it's like their. Christmas yeah they celebr Hanukkah or. their K Quanza or their T supposedly. it's sort of like Earth day too they. celebrate the diversity of their e EOS. system uh and also remembrance of the.

dead and they also give gifts they're. like the fins basically yeah it's uh. it's a very interesting part of the Star. Wars cannon it is and it's almost. entirely made up dashed off you could. possibly Say by um George Lucas in the. 70s yeah um and it's the basis of what. has become derided is like one of the. worst things that ever happened to the. Star Wars Galaxy well not only that one. of the worst things ever aired on.

television yeah in this galaxy yeah at. first that sounds like hyperbole like. come on it's because it was Star Wars we. had high expectations but it's really. that bad yeah the people who say that. haven't seen even a second of it yeah. yeah however I watched it uh when I was. a kid uhhuh then again this week yeah. and you watched it twice this week yeah. I watched it last night and this morning. there's something about it it's. mesmerizing it really is it's one of. those things.

that you start watching it and you want. to turn it off but you want to see just. how absurd it can get almost yeah and it. starts absurd it stays absurd in the. middle gets increasingly more absurd it. gets a little less absurd finishes super. absurd yeah it's just a train wreck in. every single sense of the word top to. bottom it's extraordinarily difficult to. overstate how bad this is yeah and some. people you know in researching this you. read about it you read descriptions of. these things.

and it it it just can't possibly be. gotten across until you see it so. luckily as we will see you can go on. YouTube and watch it and you may even. enjoy this episode more if you pause go. spend two hours yeah watching this thing. and then come back and laugh along with. us yeah there's a great uh over the. years there have been uh many segments. of it on YouTube from badly dub VHS. tapes yeah but uh there is one really. pretty good version of it in full um and. brought to you by WHIO Dayton Ohio.

Channel 7 woo Ohio because that flashes. up on the screen periodically yeah um. man it is high quality yeah it looks. good it has to basically be the copy. that the actual um affiliate broadcast. yeah it's like that that quality. compared to the other stuff floating. around on YouTube it's clearly recorded. on a 1978 VCR yeah which really. expensive very expensive I did some. calculating on West Egg okay um so the. average VCR went for about $11,000 they.

were brand new $1,000 in 1978 money so. they were about $3,800 in 2014 money. crazy luckily there were some rich. people out there recording this stuff. and the wealthy have saved us all again. yet again as they always do yes uh we. need to shout out some articles that we. uh use for this there's great a great. article in Vanity Fair called the Han. Solo Comedy Hour exclamation point yes. by Frank dejo and and then there's uh.

the the Star Wars holiday special was. the worst thing on television ever by. someone we kind of know Alex pck of uh. from motherboard yeah which is uh not. wired it's a vice vice yes we wrote a. little bit for motherboard back then and. we had a call without we're like we're. like old motherboard vets yeah basically. wasn't there one more there was another. one and I don't know who wrote this one. Chuck uh yeah it's the the title's the. Star Wars holiday special George Lucas. wants to smash every copy of with a.

sledgehammer which was a famous quote uh. supposedly at a convention by Lucas yes. which is not correct he didn't ever say. that no okay that that sounded like. something that people made up yes but if. you go on the internet you will quickly. believe that he did but apparently he. didn't so let's I'm sure he felt that. way though clearly you know because he. did appear on Robot Chicken in I think. 2005 on the therapist couch talking. about how much he hated the special all. right so let's set the background shall. we show so we go back to.

1977 yeah summer getting the old Wayback. machine all right let's do. it all right here we are there's. wooderson yeah I'm just a little. six-year-old excited about Star Wars I. am uh I've just turned one yeah so you. don't know what's up yet I please. forgive me if I urinate myself no. problem okay uh so what has happened is. Star Wars has become a huge huge hit.

seemingly out of nowhere yeah uh. establishing George Lucas is one of the. brilliant young minds in film making. even though it wasn't his first movie it. was his first huge huge breakout hit oh. yeah for sure talk I mean talk about a. breakout hit like no one had ever seen. anything like it before no 2001 had come. out in the late 60s yeah but it. wasn't still it still isn't accessible. to all audiences you know it's a. cerebral film yeah it's not an adventure. movie Star Wars this is like basically.

swashbuckling on the screen but uh you. know in a galaxy far far away Star Wars. just changed everything and it came on. just like a a hammer yeah um there a New. Hope by the way yes and I know we're. going to get stuff wrong nerds so just. just go ahead and get your little. fingers ready to email us like if it. wasn't driven home that I'm not a nerd. by the fact that I don't have Opening. Night tickets or any tickets yet give me. a break okay and by proxy Chuck too okay. yes thank you so. um it's it's. hard to State how great Star Wars was in.

everyone's mind yeah right Bill Murray. came out with that Lounge singer Star. Wars thing yeah it was everywhere and if. you if you just listen to the lyrics of. it he's really it's just Bill Murray. singing about how much Star Wars is. awesome yeah right yeah so by the. following year um George Lucas was he. wanted to figure out a way to keep. audiences just engaged with the whole. Star Wars franchise that he was just. starting to build. but he knew The Empire Strikes Back was.

a couple more years out sure so um he I. think he was approached by some TV. Executives who said have you considered. doing some sort of TV special they're. all the rage right now we have a we have. a Graphic that's really awesome that we. set aside just for tv specials here at. CBS why don't you let us let's get. together and do a Star Wars special. that's right producers Gary Smith and uh. Dwight himon uh we're working over at.

CBS and they say this is a great way to. keep the Spirit Alive while you're. making your other movie maybe move some. more toys yeah which George Lucas got a. cut of all the toys sure so it was right. before Thanksgiving and he said there'. be a lot of people watching TV um pre. holiday season or I guess in the holiday. season well the weekend before. Thanksgiving it's like everybody's. shopping sitting around family like. waiting to actually do stuff that's. right perfect time to broadcast. something on TV so Luca says all right. let's do this uh I don't have a ton of.

time but how about this I'll get i'll. get a story together and then you can go. hire a whizbang team of of Veteran. writers and producers and directors. whatever genre you think is appropriate. and those are the words that will haunt. George Lucas to his grave yeah so uh. Lucas said here's my idea I want it to. be based um on Wookies and I want it to. take place on their home planet of uh. kazook or wi Planet C is that how you.

say it kazook that's how it's pronounced. in the episode the holiday special but. it's also pronounced different ways. other times I would have pronounced it. Cas go spell it k a h y y YK yeah which. I mean I guess that sounds like. Chewbacca's Planet sure uh also called. G5 623 wi Planet C or Edon is a mid RM. planet right so the whole reason. apparently that George Lucas was was. interested in featuring the wookies was.

it is what we in Show Business call low. hanging fruit the reason why it was low. hanging fruit was because they had just. established the different scenes that. would make the cut for Empire Strikes. Back yeah and uh what how did you. pronounce it again kazook kazook had not. made the cut uh even prior to this. apparently for a New Hope George Lucas. had whipped up a 40 page what's known as. the wook Bible it's like a 40 page. supplement that's all about kazuk and.

Wookies and Chewbacca and his family and. everything about wooked right that's. right so he's like I've got this thing. already you know established I love. Wookies um they didn't make the cut I'm. a little sad about that they're not. going to kazuk is not going to show up. in Empire Strikes Back let's let's build. the entire special around Wookies it's. basically the one demand me George Lucas. has yeah that's it I'll be totally hands. off from this point not which he kind of.

was he totally was and it was actually. this experience that apparently taught. him to be the very Hands-On person that. he is famous for being it came out of. this Christmas special absolutely he he. was burned and um he had an iron grip. after that on everything so uh here's. some some of the folks behind it uh. Bruce fanch famous uh TV writer you. probably seen him on Hollywood Squares. wasn't he suspected of being Thomas. pinchon for a while oh I don't know or. was Thomas pinchon on Hollywood Squares.

I have no. idea I I may be confabulating some stuff. confounding yeah there's some con of. some sort going on sounds like it yeah. so banch was hired as a writer uh a guy. named uh Lenny rips was hired as a. writer who has some great quotes in that. Vanity Fair article he does uh his first. quote was we were really excited because. this is Star Wars how could it lose yeah. Famous Last Words uh who else was hired. there was a a husband hband and wife. team uh the Welches yeah who are the.

parents of of folk singer Gillian Welch. M who I'm a big fan of and I had no idea. that her parents they were producers SL. songwriters of the day they were big on. the variety show scene which would turn. out to be a really key cog in this whole. experience so I feel like right about. here Jerry should insert a needle coming. off of a record sound effect yeah okay. thanks Jerry so Chuck you just said.

singer songwriters yeah what would that. have to do with Star Wars yeah well. actually in this Star Wars holiday. special for those of you who hadn't seen. it there are musical numbers they. decided from the outset that there. should be musical numbers and the reason. that they decided that there should be. musical numbers is because the people. who sold George Lucas and at the time it. was um star the Star Wars Corporation. was what it was called yeah um on the. idea of doing this TV special was that. everyone would love a variety show yeah.

it was the 70s great idea let's do a. variety show the problem was this. apparently George Lucas didn't watch. enough TV yeah and he also overly. trusted people who talked to him sure. because by 1978 yes variety shows had. dominated television for over 10 years. but it had come to an end it was getting. stale yeah we're talking a Carol Bernett. show one of my favorites had just been. cancelled after 11 Seasons that's a big. red flag chair had just had its last.

season yeah um I mean what else like. heha was heha was still going on. probably they didn't know when to quit. hea is still on solid gold had yet to. come on and take up the Manel that that. wasn't a variety show it was a little. bit and there was talking in between the. songs yeah remember the Mandrell sister. show I never watched that one what was. with that country chic thing that. happened it yeah it was a big deal in. the 70s it's kind of happening again I. think oh because of that dude the guy.

who won all the CMA Awards uh I don't. know he's like he's he came along he's. like actually country his dad's like a. coal miner for real from Kentucky I. think I know who you mean. Chris yeah he's he is good he's come. along and been like what are you guys. doing well there's a Revival in like. good country music again that's great. like in the tradition of Merl Haggard. and John cash and I guess it's probably. where the Country Sheet came from. because there was actually good country. going on yeah Johnny Cash had a variety. show did he really oh yeah I knew they.

did like a a Sunday singing thing like. out in Virginia yeah he had his own. variety show it was actually pretty good. there are some like really great. performances do you know how many Nerds. are like get back to Star Wars I know. I'm so sorry all right so the variety. show is is dying sort of and so they. figure what a great time to take the. biggest movie property on the planet and. and wedge it into the variety show uh. milu I don't know if wedge is the right. word I think maybe uh Nestle it in there.

yeah and then start hitting it with the. blunt edge of an axe until it mashes. into that crevice you know that's right. because this is the time when Fantasy. Island had just started um Mor and Mindy. was about to change things Charlie's. Angels was getting huge it basically. television as we knew it from 1980 to. whenever the real world came along yeah. just Escapist television is what they. called it was was starting and it was. the hip new thing so basically if they. had turned Han Solo and Princess Leia.

and Luke Skywalker into maybe you know. sexy detectives it might have gone over. even better but they went the other way. they decided to latch on to this. extraordinarily stale um genre of. television and they hired the best in. the business yeah like there was there. was there was a quote from I think Lenny. rips who was saying like we had. literally a Dream Team a variety show. Dream Team mhm and everybody was good. but but there were probably no bad. welders on the Titanic either was a.

great quote Yeah uh the guy they hired. to direct it initially was a dude named. David acomba and uh he had made his name. uh for Welcome to the Filmore East it. was a concert documentary with Van. morison uh Van Morrison and the birds in. 1971 and he actually was at USC Film. School the same time as Lucas even. though they didn't know each other and. um he only ended up directing about. three segments of the thing before he. quit yeah before he walked off some say. he was actually let go uh but we'll get.

to him in a minute and he replaced him. okay uh as as we get along down this uh. Gross Road well let's let's take a. little break because I'm I'm overly. excited all right. [Music]. okay learning stuff with. josua and. Char stop your.

all right so we've established most of. the main players we'll we'll get to a. few more MH uh we should point out that. um Mark Hamill and and Harrison Ford and. uh Carrie Fischer sure uh Peter mayew. they had no grounds to refuse to be on. this basically yeah pretty much they. were not huge huge Stars yet they could. throw their weight around and say this. is terrible and I'm not doing it they. were they were big overnight because of. Star Wars for sure but they weren't to.

the adoring public sure back at the. studio they could still be bossed around. and and this was the result of it and. you can tell also um just from watching. the actual special like Harrison Ford is. not happy to be there at any point oh no. um Princess Leia is clearly on. drugs uh was she on drugs at this point. she if you watch it she's she's on drugs. especially the ending scene Mark Hamill. uh looks like he's happy to be there.

actually he was fine but apparently he. said no I'm I'm not doing a musical. number yeah and if you watch his part. wedging a musical number in there would. have been even more painful sure um but. they they everybody who was part of the. actual Star Wars franchise that wasn't. wearing like a full body costume yeah. was like I'm I really wish I wasn't here. and you can tell oh yeah in fact in the. uh opening uh credit sequence they're. showing the picture the you know the. faces of the people right and uh you see.

Harrison Ford as if he's flying the. Millennium Falcon and you can you can. just hear the guy off screen going now. look at the camera and just give a nod. just look at the camera and give a nod. and he finally you can tell he's pissed. off and he looks up at the camera and. just sort of smirks yeah and points to. the camera like okay I'm looking at the. camera and then goes back to what he's. doing yeah it's pretty awesome I felt. bad for him so early on uh valan and. others of did did you feel bad for him. though really I mean like come on. it's Harrison Ford it's Han Solo he has.

to go do this for like five days yeah. felt terrible for him I think it's. hilarious that they had to do this. especially now well early on valan and. others knew that they may be in trouble. because uh they decided not to subtitle. any of The Wookie dialogue right and. they literally started after a brief. opening scene setting it up here here's. the basic plot is Han Solo is trying to. get Chewbacca back to kazook in time for. Life day so he can celebrate with his. family That's the basis of the entire.

two hours That's the basis of the entire. two hours they encounter a space battle. and they're delayed and the next two. hours are kind of what's going on while. the delay is happening back on kazuk. back on kazook because you hear like oh. okay well Han Solo and Chewbacca evading. the Imperial Guard and all that stuff. for two hours I would watch that sure I. would too yeah that's not what they show. killing time at the wook household that. is what they show yeah that's what they.

do it's people hanging out waiting for. Chewbacca worrying about him yeah and. then killing time while they wait for. him to come back yeah literally so um. and so hold on so you say there's a. setup right yeah that's the initial. setup and then Chuck that's followed by. this yeah it's followed. by literally 10 minutes 10 solid minutes. of. incomprehensible Wookie speak so let's. let's join it for a second shall we yeah. let's all enjoy. [Music].

[Applause]. [Music]. [Applause]. [Music]. [Applause]. [Music]. it. [Applause].

[Music]. and again you said 10 minutes and you're. not exaggerating you're not being. hyperbolic you can time it that's it's. 10 minutes of Wookies talking to each. other with no subtitles fortunately I. couldn't follow it at first like I. didn't even know who it was I thought it.

was might have been Chewbacca's mom and. dad oh yeah that's and little brother. sure and I don't find out until later. when Mark Hamill shows up via a Skype. call yeah and says he really explains. everything that had just happened like. you're Chewbacca's father right itchy. your Chewbacca's son uh lumpy lumpy yeah. and you are Chewbacca's wife oh Mala. yeah thank you so before everybody. starts like freaking out we know that. that's actually their nicknames their.

real names are his father is uh ATI cook. ATI cook it's really hard to pronounce. molat Buck is his wife and his son is. lumpo. warum but as named by Lucas but yeah but. Lucas also named him lumpy itchy and. Mala yeah so um they're all back there. ringing their hands trying to figure out. ways to pass the time uh until they get. word from Chewbacca that he's made it to.

uh what is it katchuk kazuk kazook um. you say ketchup ketchup or catsup if. you're fancy yeah um but Chewbacca is. having trouble getting back to kachuk. because. kazook because there's a a blockade by. the Empire and they're looking for. Rebels specifically Chewbacca who I. didn't realize this he's the most famous. wook of all did you know that yeah of. course I didn't know that well well I. mean he's the only one that really. appears in the movies I mean to thatg.

we're seeing like you know these. people's view of the universe what about. back. on kazook yeah he might have just been a. Fly by Night wook right yeah but not the. case very famous W yeah and he really. loved to like soak in his Fame all right. so he realizes there's a problem valan. he goes to Lucas and was like I don't. know man uh this is your world but it. may not be the strongest thing to do to. set this in wooky land and have all this.

comprehensible dialogue and he says he. was met with a glacial stair uh well he. he put it a little differently than that. well he said glacial stare he did the. glacial stair that he got was for this. quote he said these people just talk in. what sounds like fat people having an. orgasm he goes if you want you can set. up a tape recorder in my bedroom and. I'll do all of the fying for it yeah. he's a large guy he is so uh that's what. got the glacial stair but valan later.

said that from this there was one. development meeting that Lucas attended. and it was here's the Wookie Bible tell. me what you got and banche said he and. the other writers and producers and. director were just kind of throwing. ideas and George Lucas would either say. like no that doesn't work give him a. glacial stare or say yes that's exactly. it yes let's make this a variety show. yeah and there was a little bit of um. background there the the Cantina players. in the band had appeared on other.

variety shows at that point yeah and I. think it went over fairly well just as a. short segment on like the Richard prior. uh variety show or uh Donnie Marie yeah. um man there were a lot of variety shows. but that's what I'm saying it was that. was television that's what you did like. the brdes um the the the show had its. course and then it became a variety show. it was just everybody loved variety. shows. by this time though everybody was sick. of variety shows and so it really was a.

terrible choice in fact they even hired. a couple of writers from uh Shields and. Yarnell which I hadn't heard of had you. oh yeah I watched it it was these creepy. this mime couple who had their own. variety show and uh they figured these. two will be great because they are used. to working without words right so and so. there is a certain logic to the variety. show it's not over the it's not just. that variety shows were popular at the. time it it somebody was like well.

Wookies you don't understand what. they're saying so this is all going to. be very physical so these people who who. did what is it Shields and Yarnell yeah. that that's a perfect choice that that. makes complete sense you can see this. whole this whole process of leading up. to the point where it was produced and. shot and everything yeah a series of. like oh we have this problem well here's. a fix yeah but that leads to another. problem well we'll fix it with this and. and no one's stepping back and being. like all we've done is create a series.

of problems that are going to come. together and make one extraordinarily. large problem that will become legendary. no one did that and so the whole thing. was was made that's right and it uh. eventually airs on uh November 17th 1978. a Friday at 8:00 pm eastern time that's. right and according TOS neelon ratings. it um attracted 13 million viewers uh. lost the second hour just in the US. it aired in six or seven countries total.

yeah but no one cares about that I guess. not cuz none of those are on the. internet you know uh it it finished. second to the loveboat in the second or. I'm sorry from 8 to 9 and in the next. hour actually finished behind part two. of a miniseries about Pearl Harbor. starring Angie Dickinson so yeah it. didn't even win their respective hours. no 13 million that's that's not bad the. thing is apparently if you look at the. neelon ratings graph for the first hour. yeah we know about that graph it's okay. yeah we do and then after a a very.

important part which we'll talk about. soon um it just drops off at the end of. the first hour and that actually. probably made the executives at CBS. cringe for a number of reasons number. one is this special was originally. supposed to just be an hour but so many. advertisers wanted to sign on that they. extended it to 2 hours and it shines. through you can totally tell that this. thing was never supposed to I think an. hour might have been stretching it to.

tell you the truth oh yeah it's 30. minutes of content 40 if you're generous. an hour me and then two hours it becomes. one of the worst things that was ever. put on television all right well let's. take a break and then we'll talk a. little bit more about the actual um even. don't want to call it content but it is. content in the strictest definition sure. right after. [Music]. this.

learning stuff with. josua and. Sh stuff you. should all right so the show itself. we've given you the the main plot line. uh which again is that chewy is trying. to get back to his home planet to. celebrate life day with his family right. that's it and again we almost barely see.

chewy yeah the rest is his family on. kazook waiting for him to come back for. a life day yeah so um some of the. various things they did uh there were. guest stars there was Harvey Corman from. the Carol Brett show okay one of my. all-time favorites him or Carol Carol. berneta both he's great yeah he actually. if you watch what he's doing you're like. this guy's a comedy genius for sure well. apparently he too was like the only one. on set that was bringing levity he was. joking around and kind of kept spirits. up good for him that's what I say and he.

had three three different parts yeah he. played uh uh well I don't even know the. names actually we could look them up but. he played a uh he played a Julia Child. like cook There's an actual cooking. segment a long one a very long cooking. segment where uh Chewbacca's wife um. makes ban the stew to kill some time to. kill some time uh because there's. on her planet and in our living room.

yeah so Harvey Corman is in drag as a. forearmed Julia childlike uh TV chef. right and I think it's gormand is her. name gormand that makes total sense yeah. uh he also plays um there's this one. weird bit where Chewbacca's son tries to. figure out a way to trick the. Stormtroopers that the Empire had come. and kind of because the blockade raided. the house and other properties so he. tries to trick them uh by I think think. rigging a Comm link mhm uh to speak in a.

a different voice so he has to watch the. instruction. manual he watches an instruction video. which was Harvey kitel as a robot it oh. it would have been wonderful it been. Harvey Kel oh what did I say Harvey. Harvey cor oh man Harvey Kel murder. someone in the middle of the. instruction Harvey Corman and then the. final role he had was as a uh a bar. Patron in the Cantina uh that drinks he. has a hole in the top of his head like a.

volcano where he pours his drinks in. that's how he drinks and he he loves bar. Arthur did we mention bar Arthur was in. it bar Arthur is not only in it Chuck. she sings a song she does she is the uh. boun to everyone she manages or maybe. owns the can she's the owner yeah the. what's the MZ what MZ def Cantina uh no. Musta is a rapper oh yeah I think you. mean MOS Eisley yes yes that Cantina. she's the owner bar Arthur is the owner. be Arthur of The Golden Girls but in.

this case be Arthur of ma because as one. of the people who wrote one of the. Articles we base this on points out. she's just basically playing mod as the. owner of the Cantina yeah and her song. comes because um they uh basically say. there's a lockdown so you got to call. last call MH um at your bar so she calls. last call by singing a song to everyone. right and again we can't possibly have. this script lead anywhere else but. Chewbacca's house while his family waits. for it so all this takes place as part.

of a public service announcement. basically broadcast by the empire about. how immoral life on tattooine is so. let's go see what's going on in the Moz. Eisley Cantina as it's being shut down. for curfew. yeah all right this is incomprehensible. but uh it goes on um so they're in it. there's also Art Carney yes Hy probably. the star of the whole thing really he.

has the most lines I would say the most. comprehensible line right yeah so he. plays a uh a Trader a human Trader um. that is uh recently been with Han Solo. and chewy and actually gets to kazook. and says they're on the way it's all. good yeah a Trader not traitor yeah a. Trader is in trades humans for you know. money no he he sells Goods yeah a Trader. he doesn't trade humans yeah he's in the.

human. trade no he isn't really yeah he trades. humans like he sells humans I looked it. up in the in Star Wars encyclopedia it. said that he was in the human trade huh. so in this Christmas special yeah. apparently they sanitized his his. background because he's basically just. selling like gadgets and novelties and. stuff like that to the wookies and the. Empire uh who were occupying the area. yes he comes bearing gifts. um yeah cuz he's a friend of Chewbacca's. family yeah so he comes bearing gifts.

one of the gifts he gives is a uh um. sort of like a little digital insert to. a oh I guess you would call it a virtual. reality haird dryer hair dryer like a a. beauty shop hair dryer right he gives it. to Grandpa itchy Grandpa itchy um sits. under this haird dryer Pops in this uh. digital cassette and it can only. described as softcore porn apparently.

the writers who were interviewed for. this said that was totally the intent. they were trying to get what amounted to. softcore porn that would pass the. sensors that's right so it's. all you can't even say it's inuendo it's. too obvious and overt for inuendo. instead it's just it's just it's just. gross it's really gross um Diane Carroll. sing yes she is um a Vegas staple shows. up and starts basically tantalizing um.

grandpa itchy who again this is. Chewbacca's elderly father who now. engages in some sort of well he's he's. watching virtual reality pornography now. and this is a pretty lengthy segment in. and of itself well yeah and she. literally says to him like now I can see. you're really excited yeah it it's. pretty rough to watch yeah so then. you've got another musical number. because also again he he shutters yeah. it's really strange uh all right so.

there's also a uh I know it seems like. we're jumping around but it's it's so. mindblowing we're not like this is. pretty much like blow for blow um. actually I forgot earlier on in in the. in the special um there's one of my. favorite sequences is when uh Grandpa. itchy goes over to uh lumpy and. basically sets up remember the the. Hologram chess board that they played in. A New Hope yeah basically kind of sets. that up and says here just play this he. pushes the button which is clearly a.

1970s cassette. recorder and another uh like it's like a. Cirus solay uh Acid Trip yeah um gymnast. routine happens in front of the kid's. eyes yeah and again this all just it's. not like it shows a snippet they show. the entire segments like five six 10. minutes long of all of these things so. you would think okay they've gone to. this hologram well a couple of times why.

not go to it again well they do they do. to kill more time while the Imperial. Guard is ransacking their house um AR. Carney apparently uh I guess is trying. to get one of the Imperial Guard the. leader I think or one of the leaders who. looks like somebody from Space Balls by. the way very much so um and the writer. of the Vanity Fair article by the way. said um this this is so incomprehensible. the special is George Lucas didn't even. have the Schwarz with them at the time. so anyway AR carne's distracting this uh.

uh Imperial leader um while they're. ransacking the wook's house Chewbacca's. house with a hologram and this hologram. instead of being an acrobat or Diane. Carrol or any kind of porn or anything. like that is Jefferson. Starship and they decide that they're. going to play light the sky on fire. which apparently is about UFOs it's a. little music video basically it it's a. yeah it's the predecessor to like um.

video kill the Radio Star you can tell. um and again it is the whole lengthy. song yeah the whole thing so every time. that somebody's like we need to escape. mentally from what's going on here in. our house let's go into the video world. it's not just and they don't cut back. and forth no it's okay here's five. minutes of Jefferson Starship performing. this song yeah and even the Jefferson. Starship guys um were like yeah was sort.

of a weird trip like we didn't get it. but we did it right they gave us some. money yeah and some cocaine well. probably so so we said yeah Chuck I. think though um there yet another. segment like this is. actually widely regarded as the high. point of the whole thing oh sure agreed. so there is a cartoon actually yeah that. uh lump lumpy watches yeah Lumpy's like. the Imperial Guard is still ransacking. my house I think I'll entertain Myself.

by watching a cartoon on my little um I. don't know what it I guess it was an. iPad and uh he watches this cartoon and. it's it's actually remarkable for a. number of reasons it's the best part of. the whole special yeah generally agreed. upon as such not just us and it. introduces Boba Fett it's the first time. Boba Fett ever makes an appearance in. the Star Wars Universe yeah it's. actually not a bad and you can't find it. in the um the one version I told you to. watch they removed it for copyright but. you can watch a separate version right.

you can find it on its own yeah and it's. um it's very much reminiscent of like. the cartoon style of the day like a. he-man or something for sure even even. it's even a little more artsy than that. yeah but it does have a plot that you. can follow that makes sense as a Star. Wars thing yeah and it introduces Boba. Fett like you said and um it's actually. not bad um it's like Luke and R2 and. C3PO yeah and they're like they crash on. a planet or something like you where. you're in it and it's the first time we. see in Darth Vader it's the first time. we see Boba Fett and that he is uh that.

he is just doing whatever he can do for. money right like Luke trusts him at. first c3po's like you sure you should. trust him this quick and he's like oh. 3PO you and your non-trusting ways sure. and then it turns out he's selling them. out to the dark side so it's it's. basically Boba Fett is an allegory for. George Lucas. himself um so the cartoon comes and goes. and that was the thing thing that came. at about the end of the first hour mark. and after that everybody just turned off.

their television sets yeah I don't. remember did you watch this when it came. on yeah I remember watching it but I. don't remember much about it like if I. made it through it all I mean it was I. was seven and it was on till 10: so I. probably didn't make it through it all. yeah um plus probably Disturbed who. knows I just remember that I have to ask. my brother he might have a memory of. this oh bet he does I'm sure he met. everybody afterward or something like. that you know has a picture well he was. 10 at that point so cynicism had you.

know become a thing in his life probably. all by then sure didn't that when. cynicism kicks in I I could see Scott. holding out to 1415 yeah maybe so so um. Chuck the whole thing finally does end. and actually there's a guy uh his name's. Nathan Ren he he writes over at the AV. club he had a great quote he basically. said that one of the great redeeming. values of this um this special is that. it does eventually end yeah you know the. first part the quote is uh I'm not. convinced the special wasn't ultimately.

written and directed by a cent bag of. cocaine yeah and it like go read his his. review of the Star Wars holiday special. because he goes on to describe exactly. what that must have been like that. development meeting where the bag of. cocaine is pacing back and forth talking. about what should happen right that's. what it feels like but it doesn't and it. ends even more it takes this bizarre 2. hours and wraps it up in just a nice. bizarre bow. yeah so what happens is eventually Han. Solo should we say spoiler.

alert eventually Han Solo and chewy make. it to the planet they park on the far. side of the planet because they know the. uh the Imperial forces are there and the. exercise will do uh chewy good yeah so. they have to hike over there they. eventually make it back home uh they. find a storm the Stormtroopers at their. house right um uh their tree hut. yeah the the paintings that set this up. I don't think we we mentioned I don't. even call them matte paintings it looks. like someone painted something in on the.

wall and they just like put a camera in. front of it pretty much yeah yeah so. they get back and um uh Chewbacca Han. Solo hides around the corner Chewbacca. steps in front of his son to protect him. sure Han Solo jumps out and the. Stormtrooper trips over a pile of logs. and falls over the balcony and dies in a. holiday special so they wouldn't even H. not only could he not shoot first with. greet. but they uh couldn't even have him like. wrestle the Stormtrooper and throw him.

off he trips over a log right in Han. Solo has his hands thrown up like wasn't. me it might as well been a banana peel. you know right but again uh this is. basically produced by VA villians. starring VA vilans why not have the one. death take place from basically what. amounts to somebody slipping on a banana. peel exactly it's a it's a perfect way. to end it so that's uh that that guy. basically represents the end of the. Imperial threat for the rest of Life day.

yeah and um we we then see life day. being celebrated which is celebrated by. lots of Wookies assembling in what looks. like a giant Olen Mill's portrait yeah. um and all of them are wearing red robes. sure and I know I'm up talking and it's. because my mind is still having trouble. like wrapping around this and then um. Princess Leia comes out with C3PO m is. Mark Hamill there the whole gang's there.

if I'm not okay the whole gang's there. and then they all gather around to hear. a great quote from Princess Leia which. we will read um. verbatim this holiday is yours but we. all share with you the hope that this. day brings us closer to freedom and to. Harmony and to peace no matter how. different we appear we're all the same. in our struggle against the powers of. evil and darkness I hope that this day. will always be a day of joy in which we. can reconfirm our dedication and our.

courage and more than anything else our. love for one another this is the promise. of the Tree of Life Q song right and we. should also point out the tree of life. has never been mentioned up to this. point I had no idea what that was just. makes a sudden appearance at the end and. when you say Q song by Q song you mean. Princess Leia starts singing yeah and. apparently that was one of the big. contingencies on Carrie Fischer being. involved yeah she was going through a. phase where she was like I kind of like. singing Bruce valan calls it her.

Mitchell period yeah and she somehow. convinced them to let her sing as. Princess Leia and she does and again uh. I've said that she looks like she's on. drugs this is the point where she really. does look like she's on drugs and it's. not just me um other writers who've. written reviews of this it's really. obvious that. she possibly smoked a decent amount of. pot before she shot this shot this scene. but she sings okay it's fine it's just. the the fact that um Princess Leia is.

singing and actually Bruce fanch had a. really great quote too he says that um. she very much wanted to show this side. of her talent and there was General. dismay because this was not what we. wanted Princess Leia to be doing yeah. she did it anyway so the whole thing. ends with her singing this song about. life day oh yeah which is set Loosely to. the John Williams Star Wars theme yeah. [Laughter]. uh so along the way the director. original director quit uh a new director.

Steve binder was hired to finish the job. and bring it in uh and he did over the. original $1 million budget of course. always uh he did bring it in and um at. this point uh George Lucas had uh he was. he was working on Empire Strikes Back he. didn't know what was going on he wasn't. around for the shoot no it wasn't until. aired I think that he actually saw it. yes and it was a travesty obviously if. you haven't noticed that by now uh. critics hated it uh Star Wars fans.

really hated it everybody hat the people. who were in it hated it Lucas hated it. um even Harvey Corman secretly hated it. yeah even Harvey kitel hated it actually. he loved it but uh Lucas has been asked. over the years about it a lot and he. doesn't talk about it much uh but in. 2005 and I don't buy this for a second. he says um it was an interview he said. the special from 1978 uh really didn't. have much to do with us you know that. part is true I can't remember what. network it was even on but uh it was a.

thing that they did that's a lie there's. no way he doesn't know that was CVS yeah. uh we kind of just let them do it I. believe that uh it was done by I can't. even remember who the group was but. there were a variety of TV guys I'm sure. he remembers a few of them uh we let. them use the characters and stuff and. that probably wasn't the smartest thing. to do but you learn from those. experiences yeah I think they even use. some of the footage from the movie at. the end it looks like some of the space. stuff like a highlight reel of the gang.

well and during the um it looked like. some of the they had some insert shots. of like uh Imperial Cruisers and Tie. fighters and stuff that like from the. movie remember when uh when Chewbacca. like leans back and puts his hands. behind his head that's in there it's. it's like a just a highlight reel from. the movie saying like if feel like this. go see the movie well and also that. means it doesn't match the look of the. rest of it at all yeah that's true it's. just sort of they tried they definitely. tried um and George Lucas is totally.

full of it because in 1987 he told. starlog magazine that the Christmas. special would be out on video cassette. very soon yes and in 2007 two years. after that quotee you just read where. he's like I don't even know what you're. talking about basically um he apparently. uh considered releasing the Christmas. special as a bonus on the um the DVDs of. the first. three right but did not didn't and and. apparently Carrie Fischer told Lucas. that if you want me to do um DVD extras.

commentary yeah commentary then I want a. a clean original copy of the holiday. special yes so why go ahead so I can. play at parties when I want people to. leave it's pretty great it is so uh and. there is one of those clean copies is. floating around out there so you can. watch this in it in its entirety some of. it like the cartoon was removed due to. copyright infringement that kind of. stuff but as as the case with the rest. of the internet you can just go find it.

elsewhere and and piece it together. there's also the original ads that aired. in Baltimore yeah that are just. fascinating yeah those are always fun GM. ads where one of the guys who's in. quality control is he says did you watch. it I don't think I saw that one he goes. um we really care about these cars. that's no Jive man on a GM at and he's. like dead serious oh they were trying to. be hi yeah um it's pretty good stuff uh. here's my final thought on it I love it.

it does not taint my Star Wars. experience or my love for the franchise. okay and I'm glad it is out there. because it it's a it's a fun little. stain that shouldn't be taken too. seriously mhm uh I think it adds to it. actually because it's campy and awful. yeah and I don't know somehow that. enriches the rest of it I'm with you you. like it oh yeah I mean I watched it. twice I wouldn't have watched it a. second I wouldn't have made it through. the first time I let me take that back.

as I'm a pro yeah so I would have made. it through the first time I wouldn't. have watched it the second time if I. wasn't there wasn't something about it. and I figured out I think the thing that. I like the most about it is Lumpy. Chewbacca's son yeah played by an. actress named Patty Maloney who frankly. is hands down the best actor in the. entire thing she like her responses and. everything is just awesome I think think. my favorite parts are uh well there's a. great vilhelm scream yeso trips over the.

log Jerry would not have noticed it uh. and then there's a part where all the wi. dialogue you can't understand but. there's clearly one part where where. itchy and lumpy are having exchange. where lumpy you can make it out goes I. love you yeah yeah yeah I noticed that. but it's covered up but someone was like. we have to have at least one exchange. where you sort of know what they're. saying sure or they were like I think. she said I love you should we have them. redo it and the director's like no I.

want to go and Chuck there's one other. thing that I figured out from watching. this what's that it's not readily. apparent the whole thing is made all the. more odd and that there's situation. after situation after situation where we. as normal audiences were trained to. expect a laugh track but there's not a. laugh track had there been a laugh track. it would it might have been less bizarre. are but the fact that it's missing just. makes your it agitates the mind so it's.

this whole additional element that it is. weird I never thought about that there's. just weird moments of silence all. throughout it yeah like when Arc carne's. doing his thing yeah telling jokes yeah. uh okay I agree with you Chuck don't. take things too seriously I think that's. the great lesson in this yeah and in. that's the lesson of Life day it is and. in 2007 uh Rift tracks the great uh. Mystery Science Theater 3000 guys Mike. Nelson Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy uh. provided audio commentary for the full. version of the special so uh try and go.

grab that if you can as well oh you can. it's on their site cuz it's great I. think it's like eight bucks and those. guys are awesome and um they are at. least uh I think Corbett listens to us. so hey. Corbett you got anything else. no no I think we did this there's some. good stuff go read the Vanity Fair. article uh Han Solo Comedy Hour there's. a book called How Star Wars conquered. the universe that has a very interesting. chapter about this that's where we found. it asserted that George Lucas never said.

that he would smash this thing with a. sledgehammer right um and there's also. an entire website dedicated to it star. warsh holiday special.com yeah and uh if. you want to know more about the Star. Wars holiday special we have a ton of. Star Wars stuff on how stuff works by. the way yeah we have cool um sort of fun. articles about the Death Star and. lightsabers videos with Holly fry from. stuff uh you missed in History Class. yeah who she knows her stuff she does. um so you can just type Star Wars in the. search bar howstuffworks.com and it'll. bring up some cool stuff for you since I.

said search bar it's time for listener. mail uh hey guys just finished listening. to the voyich manuscript podcast found. it super interesting especially the. theories on its definition or origin I. know Josh mentioned Chuck's theory of it. being drug induced is somewhat. surprising or even unlikely given the. language in the manuscript follows. linguistic laws uh only founded in the. past 100 years but if you think about it. it's a tough it's tough to stray away. from familiar structures especially for.

something like language I think back to. when I was younger and Friends invented. their own languages or even in writing a. song or poetry creativity can sometimes. be limited by what we know uh so just. thought I contribute that to the. conversation nice thanks uh big thanks. for all you guys do I found the podcast. after moving to San Diego in the last. few years for some noise uh around my. apartment so basically we were blocking. out noise we do that which I love uh and. then as a way to get through traffic on. my commute home from work you guys are. far more interesting and enjoyable than.

television and YouTube videos sure I've. listen to hundreds and we'll continue to. listen to hundreds more keep on keeping. on that is from Amy J Moffet thanks a. lot Amy in San Diego does that mean like. place of the whales in German or. something like that yeah. uh yeah if you want to get in touch with. us you can tweet to us at sysk podcast. you can join us on. facebook.com/ know you can send us an. email to stuff podcast house storks.com. and as always join us at our home on the.

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