You'll Pay For This | Reading Reddit Stories

- This episode of "Reddit Stories" is sponsored by DoorDash. Gotchu, delivered. DoorDash. Hello, welcome to "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories,". I'm Shane, and today's theme is payback. That's right, it's all about vengeance, and I'm joined by two guests. who are carefully plotting vengeance upon one another. (people laughing). Ian and Anthony are joining us. - Been plotting it for years. - Yeah, I got a bucket of rotten fish right above Anthony. and I'm gonna yank a rope. - This whole buying back Smosh.

and running this company together, it's all just an elaborate plot. to get payback on one of them. - Is it payback on me for having left for the six years? Are you waiting...? What's gonna happen at that sixth year? - It's something that happened in high school, probably. It probably goes way back. - Yeah, there's a bunch of shit there. - Oh, I'm sure. - Yeah, like, you... Like, maybe, like, one day, you didn't give me a ride home or something. - Ooh. - I had somewhere else to be. - Tough. - I had somewhere else to be, are you really gonna bring that up right now? - One of his girlfriends that he had to make out with. - God!

- These women, they just gotta be made out with sometimes. (Shane laughing). - How do we feel about vengeance? Revenge? - I feel like it's probably not healthy, but I do love a good revenge tale. - I love a good revenge tale. as long as it doesn't involve me, like, I don't wanna be the one on either end of it. I feel like at one point in my life, I thought that it'd be so satisfying. to get revenge on people that wronged me, but I'm like, "How much of my brain power and life. am I spending thinking about this that...?". I'm getting revenge on myself at this point. Not worth it.

- I think, what is the phrase? It's like, "Living well is the best revenge?". - Yeah, that's a good point, yeah. - Yeah, absolutely, like, being actually happy and moving on from someone. I get that, I definitely... It's fun to play out the fantasy of revenge. in your head in certain situations, but it's like... Like in LA, the amount of times. someone cuts you off on the road. and you imagine, like, "How can I get them back?". - That's a great example. - But it's like, the safest and best option. is for me to forget about this and live my life. - Yes, because most people own guns here.

- I mean, truely... - (laughs) I didn't even go there, geez! - No, no, actually, that is my brain, whenever people talk about, like, "Oh, if I was on the street and someone bumped into me. or said something rude, I would do this,". I'd be like, "I'm not trying to get killed.". - No, I'm trying to get out of there. I'm trying to... - I imagine the types of stories we're gonna read today. are a little bit more about the calculated revenge, not, like, intense violence, probably more along the lines of petty squabbles, whatever. - I'm excited to hear the stories that I'm involved in. - Oh, yeah.

I'm very entertained by reading 'em. - Have you ever taken revenge on anyone, Anthony? - Taken revenge... - Like, maybe somebody, like, messed up your Taco Bell order or something. (people laughing). - Are you alluding to something? - This feels... - It feels like you're alluding to something. - No. - Yeah, you're not talking about the time. I spit in your food, right? That's not... The time you didn't know about? - Information he just found out about. - The time you just found out about? I don't know, I mean, I don't think so,

at least nothing substantial enough. to have stuck in my memory, I'm sure there are little things like... I don't know. - Well, if it comes back to you. at some point in this episode, feel free to bring it up. - Halfway through the episode, I'll be like, "Oh, yeah!". - "Oh, my god! I slashed your tires!". - Yeah! Yeah, all my revenge is specifically against you. - Yeah. - Well, you brought up fast food. and that gets us into our first story. - Wow, okay. - Okay, good segue-way, Ian. - This first story comes from "pettyrevenge,".

it was posted a couple years ago, they write, "I got payback on an awful regular at my fast food job.". - Okay. Okay. - "So I, a 19-year-old girl, quit my crappy job recently. at a fast food chain that has a certain arch, and remembered this story which I though was funny.". - Wendy's. - Yeah. - [Shane] (laughs) Yeah. - The one arch. - Yeah. Well, the W is kind of, like... - The Taco Bell, the... You know, there's the arch, it's, like, a bit of a... - Oh, the arch of the bell. - Of the bell, yeah, there you go. There's so many arches,

they gotta be more specific. - "Unfortunately, this is a very true story, I know it's a bit ridiculous. We had these regulars that would come through. the drive-through nearly every day, and I was always the one handing food out the window. They were an older couple, and I was happy to make accommodations. to make handing them food and drinks easier, however, it became increasingly difficult. to allow their awful attitude towards me. For context, my branch of the restaurant. was one of five in my town, but the rest were 20-ish minutes away.

We were the worst-rated as we were small. but extremely busy as a result, and run by literal teenagers half the time. Lunch and dinner rushes were a mess. as managers were more concerned with stats. than actually running the place well. This couple would come through at our busiest time. and order the same thing, shouting at the order-taker, payment window and me for how slow we were. Our small kitchen was unable to accommodate how busy we got, so wait times were often 300-plus seconds, supposed to be 120 seconds.".

Okay, so that's five minutes? Doing that quick math? Yeah, five minutes. - Five minutes... Now, okay, so five minutes... - Five... You're waiting five minutes at a drive-through, that doesn't seem atrocious. - That's not too crazy. - I think... But I think the thing is, when you sit in a drive-through... - You do... It does feel like forever. - Time goes by so much slower. - It is very true, it'd be interesting... I'm never gonna do this, but it'd be interesting to, like, time it, like, press a timer. Like, when I pull up to, like, In-And-Out. and the line's way down the road, it's like,

"How long is this actually gonna be?". - I've seen some drive-throughs that have a timer. - They have a timer, yeah. - Have you seen that? There's some... - I seem to recall, was it Del Taco back in the day? - I don't remember, I mean, we used to go to so many fast food places. - 'Cause I remember seeing a timer, but I haven't seen it since, like, Sacramento. - I think they probably removed that shit, they're like, "This doesn't need to be public knowledge.". - Yeah, "You don't need to know.". - "This is private.". - But I think they move pretty fast. So they're operating at 300-plus seconds. (Anthony exclaiming). "Every time they'd yell at me for how busy we were,

how slow we were, how their food would be cold, how it wasn't fair to make an old couple wait and...". - (censored) off. - [Shane] Yeah, "And every...". - Wait with the rest of us. - Weaponizing your age. (Shane laughing). - "And every time, the man would ask. for extra cream on his latte. If he didn't get it, he would become irate. I would do it for him because I'd learned to take the bullet. for taking too long rather than deal with this guy, so much so he would call me his 'creamy girl...'". (people exclaiming in disgust). - No! - "With a shit-eating grin on his face,

and every time, I'd laugh, but explain that it wasn't appropriate. On this day, I was maybe 16, 17...". - [Anthony] Oh, that's worse. - Yeah, "We were flat-out busy, 600-plus seconds, when the cream couple arrived.". - (laughs) Oh, god. - "I asked them to pull into a bay. and we would bring the food out. so we could serve the next customer. whose order was prepared. He went ballistic on me, refusing to move, shouting at me, slamming his hands on the dashboard, classic temper tantrum. This went on for so long,

I started explaining to my manager the issue. who wouldn't take shit from the situation. and she phoned the police to remove the guy. This is usually enough of a threat. to get the customer to go, but not this time. He said something along the lines of, 'Every time I come here, we have to wait and my cream melts, and every time we come here, you're working. You are an awful person.'. I'm not the kind of person to take shit from people, you get the energy you give, but up until now, I had been forgiving, so I blurted out while he was yelling at me, 'So go somewhere else, it's called problem-solving, dude.'.

He was stunned before lashing out again, explaining this place was his only option. and there was no way I could make him go anywhere else, so I said, 'Wanna bet?'. Latte and extra cream in hand, I poured the coffee. all over the roof and window of his Fiat Panda. (Anthony exclaiming in surprise). "Edit to clarify, I was going to pour it out the window, but he was parked too close. As I was thinking about it, I realized that I could safely pour it. onto his car window and roof and not burn him, LOL. I then asked him again to pull around.

and his order would be ready soon and slammed the window. I then promptly burst into tears out of exhaustion and hate, and began making my way to my manager to tell her my crime. The police turned up basically straight after, we explained what was going on while 'Cream-Man'. was trying to open the window, they asked him to go. and explained he was now trespassing if he didn't go. Long story short, the next thing I saw. was this 70-plus-year-old man swinging at this copper. before quickly getting put into the cop car, leaving his very frail wife still sat in shock, latte-less.

Did this man deserve to get arrested? Probably not. Was it appropriate for me to pour coffee on his car? Maybe, maybe not. You decide if I'm the asshole if you want. Either way, it felt good, plus I didn't lose my job, LMAO.". - That's good, 'cause I feel like some of these things that she did... - Directly on the windshield, right? - But I mean, that shows that this manager's okay. - [People] Yeah. - This episode of "Reddit Stories" is sponsored by DoorDash. DoorDash makes showing up for the people you love easy. Gotchu, delivered. DoorDash. Order now. I was catching up with a friend.

and I could just tell they were having a really tough day. You know that phrase, "When it rains, it pours?". Well, it was a tsunami of problems for my friend, we've all been there. where there isn't much you can do for your friend. except just be there for them. I was racking my brain over how I could show a little love. and try to make them feel a smidge better, then it dawned on me. DoorDash. I got them their favorite ice cream, chocolate chip cookie dough. Even if chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. doesn't solve the world's problems, I knew it would make them feel a little better.

It makes me feel good giving to my friends. and DoorDash makes it easy. to make someone's day a little better. DoorDash offers more than just restaurants, they have retail items, health supplies, late night snacks, groceries and more. It's your turn to make someone's day better. Maybe you wanna send a thank you cupcake to your mom. or restock your roommate's snacks. that you stole in the middle of the night, or you wanna order. from your favorite restaurant for date night, whatever it is, DoorDash makes showing up.

for the people you love easy. Gotchu, delivered. DoorDash. Order now. Back to the show. "Edit, some more of the crappy things this guy would do. to explain my out-of-touch reaction.". - Yeah, bring the list. - "He would throw a temper tantrum. if we were too busy to top up on his extra cream, if there wasn't enough cream, we would have to remake the drink, the coffee machines. could take two minutes to pour sometimes, and would then complain about how long the order took. Often, he would ask me to add, like, five packets of sugar to his pre-syrup latte, which I would happily accommodate for if we weren't busy,

but I also would remind him. there were, like, three pumps of syrup in there already. He would then complain it was too sweet. and accused me several times. of adding more sugar than he asked for, remaking the drink would ensue. This was not the first time he refused to park up either, sometimes, he would, so it wasn't even. that he didn't understand the concept like some didn't, but I was always happy to reiterate what he had to do. Worst of all, he would personally blame me. if his service wasn't good enough, even if I didn't have anything to do with the drive-through.

My best friend was working on my day off. and he apparently started screaming for the pink-haired girl. to apologize for ruining his order. - "I need my cream girl! Where's my cream girl?". - He was asking her to apologize. for ruining his order when I was at home. I know I overreacted, I'll own up, but this is borderline abuse, LMAO.". Okay, I don't think she's overreacting, this guy sounds insane. - Yeah, I mean, like, it's funny. 'cause I thought at first, like, this sounded very much. like the United States, but it sounds like it's the UK,

but I think, like, really, like, I feel like they're from. the "the customer is always right" generation, where, like, they feel like... - Certainly in the States, that's, like, how old people, like, act sometimes. - But that's, like, what was, like, hammered into them, like, "Customer's always right, customer's always right,". and it turns out, like, that's not true, but they have this, like, level. of, like, I don't know, like, indignity about everything,

about, like, "No, I know what's right.". - They're entitled to everything, right? I'm so confused by this behavior, I'm like, "Someone's serving you, like, getting things for you, making things for you,". I'm like, I can't imagine... Yeah, they're from this generation. that feels like, "I paid you $10, I get to treat you any way I want.". Bro. - Yeah, I feel like when it comes to revenge, like, for fast food employees, I'm kinda always gonna be. on the fast food employee's side... - Sure, of course. Of course. - What a rigorous job,

and people are horrible to them. - Yeah, and I do think, like, it's really... It's obviously not "Cream Girl's" fault, but I think what the manager could have done, and this is what plenty of managers do do, is they just ban those customers, they say, like, "You're being a nuisance, you're constantly harassing my employees, you're done,". and you can just ban people from... I mean, I'm assuming in the UK, you can as well, but you can just say, like,

"No, you're not welcome here anymore.". - Is it hard to ban people, though? Like, to identify...? Like, 'cause he's just going through the drive-through... - I mean, this guy is such a regular, they probably could clock it, but this sounds like a power trip for this guy, like, this isn't, like... He doesn't actually care about the latte, I think they go for the... They're bored and they get the kick out of doing this. - There's, like, some other emotional shit. that he's not dealing with. and he's taking it out on someone else. - [People] Yeah. - Imagine going... Like, I can't imagine going to a fast food drive-through. and being like, "Give me my cream.". Like, "I need my cream," like, that's...

I'm just begging them to spit in my drink. - And they're going at the busy times too. - "It's not sweet enough, it's too sweet," like... - I'm like... Yeah, I'm like, "Dude, if you're this specific. about your coffee, why are you going to McDonald's?". Like... - Bro, yeah, what? - And I know McDonald's now is more... Like, as expensive as any coffee shop, but it's just like, if you're gonna be hyper-specific, if it matters that much to you, like, you can't expect that of fast food, like, they operate on speed. and getting you the stuff as fast as possible,

not precise orders, you know? - Yeah. I mean, people love their routines, right? - And part of his routine is yelling at Cream Girl. - Yeah. It's like, you love your routine, but you gotta understand these fast food employees, like, they see the line that they're in, but I think they cannot comprehend. that these people are taking care. of other people's orders as well. - The lack of empathy is just wild. - Yeah. Well, people really do dehumanize, like, the second people are in a service worker outfit,

like, you're no... They're no longer human to them. - I never worked at any food industry. - Yeah, I never did service work. - But you did work at Chuck E. Cheese, so... - And you were in the mouse costume, so you were kind of, like, able to spy, people probably forgot that there was a person in there. (indistinct). - I mean, I feel like I probably experienced, like, the flip-side when I was Chuck E. because I feel like the parents were never mean to Chuck E. - No. - It was... - He got respect. - It was the children that were (censored) evil assholes.

- The children were evil. - Yeah, always kicking my shins. and pulling on Chuck E.'s tooth... - [Shane] Oof. - You got revenge one time. - But I think... - I don't know if I could say that. (people laughing). - When you killed those five children, and then, stuffed... And stuffed them in animatronics. (laughs). - I might've thrown them into the dough-maker. (people laughing). But, I mean, like, the only thing. that, like, some adults would get really angry over. at Chuck E. Cheese. was we had a one alcoholic drink per person rule.

because they didn't want drunk parents there, obviously, 'cause they drove their children to Chuck E. Cheese. - It's kinda crazy they could serve alcohol there. in the first place, right? - It's insane to me. - Yeah, so they would have, like, that you could have, like, one beer or one glass of wine, and some adults would get really angry about that. - Fuck. That is so embarrassing. - They're like, "How am I supposed. to have fun with my kids unless I'm drunk?". - It's really embarrassing, like, that's one of those moments you gotta be like, "Huh, something going on here?" Like...

- Yeah, re-evaluate. Yeah. - Like OP... It almost doesn't seem like OP got revenge. as much as there was just a reaction. That's just, like, a human reaction to some crazy incident. - This guy's calling this 16-year-old. his "creamy girl" in front of his wife. I think she's allowed to dump a latte on his Fiat, like, I think that's fine. - I mean, I love that she didn't get fired for that. - Oh, that's great. That's really great. The comments on this, someone said, "The dude was sexually harassing you.

with the 'creamy girl' bit. On top of that behavior. and his constant verbal harassment of a minor, he should have been banned long ago, but to answer your question, no, you're not an asshole for standing up for yourself. and telling that creep off, especially when he was already told to leave. at the threat of the police being involved, good on you.". Someone said, "No, the customer is not always right, and yes, he and his car deserve to be creamed. Well-played and touche.". Someone said, "What is a flat panda? I feel old.". Fiat, they wrote "flat," OP says, "It's a car model, they're fairly old now and small,

his was early-2000s at best.". Someone said, "Yep, it was definitely my age, I don't have my glasses on and read 'flat,' not 'Fiat.'". (Anthony laughing). - Flat panda. (Anthony laughing). - No, honestly... - I wanna drive a flat panda. - A flat panda. - This makes me think any video I see. of fast food employees getting vengeance. on customers is always great. There's a clip of a guy, like, getting really mad. at the employees at a Taco Bell, and he leaps over and squares up to this Taco Bell employee. and he throws a punch,

the Taco Bell employee dodges it. and perfectly knocks him out... - Hell yeah. - And I'm just like, "Hell yeah, dude,". I'm like, "This is my pay-per-view.". - You know the Waffle House executives. are watching like, "We need that guy.". - Dude, the Waffle House video forever ago. where someone threw a chair, and the employee, she catches it? - Yeah, that's the coolest thing ever. - That's, like, what are you doing? Like, no. Anyways, our next story comes from "amitheasshole.". (Anthony exclaiming in anticipation). It's posted only, like, a month ago.

- Ooh, we're heating up. - "Am I the asshole for 'humiliating' my ex's new girlfriend. in front of our friend group?". - Okay. This is probably pushing it, probably? - "My ex's new girlfriend...". - "My ex's new girlfriend.". - "In front of...". - "In front of our friend group,". so it sounds like... - Oh, "our" friend group. - This sounds messy! - Her and the ex are still in the same group. Tough. Here we go. "Posting from my inactive account. because I have some friends lurking in my main one. I, a 22-year-old woman,

broke up with my boyfriend, who's 24, around eight months ago. We decided to mutually call it quits. and parted on pretty good terms, which is good. because we just so happen to share a friend group. After a rough patch, I decided to start. taking a bit more care of myself, eating better, going to the gym, going to therapy. The shift was pretty evident, both in my attitude and the way I look. My friend said I looked much happier and healthier, and I began gaining confidence little by little. Now, I am a huge nerd. I play DND weekly, I have thousands of hours in 'Stellaris,'.

and most relevant to the story, I like to cosplay as a hobby. Most of my old cosplay involved characters. that didn't show their face or body too much, Hornet from 'Hollow Knight,'. Mono from 'Little Nightmares,' et cetera, but since I'd been feeling more confident, I decided that for the big con in my city, I'd like to try something different. A friend convinced me of going. as Viper and Chamber from 'Valorant,'. so for the past six months, we've been pouring. most of our free time into the cosplays. Three weeks ago, I sent a picture of me wearing the cosplay.

to the group chat asking for feedback for the final details. My ex immediately DM-ed me, asking me to please not wear that cosplay to the con. because it might make his new girlfriend uncomfortable.". - Oh, (censored) off. - What? "Bro, you're too hot.". - (laughs) Yeah, "Hey...". - "You're way too hot.". - "Please not be hot.". (Anthony laughing). - "I asked what it was...". - "I'm afraid of being horny in front of my new girlfriend.". - "I asked what about it would make her uncomfortable, but he refused to elaborate. I knew he was dating someone new,

but I didn't know she was coming with us to the con. I tried to explain to him this was the work of months. and I couldn't just throw it all away. just because a girl I'd never met. felt uncomfortable about it. In the end, I wore it to the con and it was a huge success. I tried to keep my distance. from the larger chunk of our group. because my ex and his new girl were with them, but we did spend a good part of the day with them. Throughout the whole thing, the new girl kept making snide comments at me. and laughing whenever I got asked to pose for pictures. Everyone looked uncomfortable, but nobody said anything.

After leaving the con to have dinner, though, another friend asks the new girl. if she would like to try cosplay as well. Her answer was, 'Why would I need more attention from guys? I already have a boyfriend, I'm not a slut.'". - (laughs) Oh, my god. - Oh, my god. - "I snapped and told her. to stop acting like a pick-me bitch. just because I got attention all day. She started to cry immediately. My ex steps in asking me to apologize, I tell him I'll only do it if she apologizes. for the way she's been acting around me all day.

More and more of our friends. start to join the screaming match and it gets so bad, we end up getting kicked out of the restaurant.". - [People] Oh, my god. - "It's been five days and my ex is threatening. to leave the friend group if I don't apologize. I honestly wouldn't care if he did, but some of our friends are asking me to do so. to stop him from leaving. Should I cave? Am I the asshole?". Oh, my gosh, all right, I kinda want to see... So Viper and Chamber... - Do you know that character? I don't play "Valorant.". - They must be hotties. - I don't play "Valorant," I can only assume.

similar to "Overwatch" type of vibes... - Two names, I wonder if there's one... - They gotta be baddies. - Okay. - There are two, how do they dress up as two of them at once? Is it one character? - One day, they probably dressed as Chamber, one day, they probably dressed as Viper. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, okay, okay. - But they are not... They're, like, a fully covered costume still, like, it's not, like... - Yeah, but the... I'm guessing which one is Viper. has very form-fitting clothing. - Yeah, sure, not that it matters, right? I think for cons, you're allowed to dress up.

as whatever you want. - Absolutely, you could be as slutty as you want, who cares? (Shane laughing). - But I'm just... I'm, like, picturing what's the situation here, the ex's new girlfriend is clearly super insecure... - Super insecure. - And by that comment is calling OP a slut, she says... - She's like, "Why would I wanna be a slut? And if you think this is about you, then you're an slut," I guess. - Yeah, yeah, "Oh, sorry, I'm not talking about you, I'm just talking about, like...". - "I'm only talking about sluts, and if you think it's about you, then I guess you are one too, but, like, I just say it.".

- That's crazy it got into such a screaming match. that they got kicked out of the restaurant. - I love that, I love that the whole friend group got into this. - What if the restaurant owner's like, "Hey, I'm kicking you out, not because of your causing drama, I don't like 'Valorant.'". - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - "Just get out of here.". - Right, yeah. He's like, "No, Viper mains gotta get out.". - That is... I think that's so embarrassing on the boyfriend's part too. Like, you'd be, like, "Hey, like, no, that's my ex, like, we're not...". And for him to ask her, it's like, hey, you're not dating,

you're completely separate people, like, you don't get to dictate. what she wears to a Comic-Con convention, like, that is what these are for, people go to cosplay. - I feel like this is very, like, young brain behavior. - She's 22, he's 24... - Yeah, like, very early 20s or something. because I feel like by the time you reach a certain age, you're like, "Oh, I'm, why am I putting all this energy.

towards something I don't like?". Like, if they truly didn't like her, why are they so obsessed with her, you know? - I also just, like, wonder what this ex. told his new girlfriend about his ex, about the OP. - There must be something. that's, like, really setting her off, though, like, I agree, like, maybe he said... Maybe she was, like, prying, "Do you still have feelings for her?". And he's like, "I don't know, maybe," or something, maybe it was some weird... - I mean, like, because she's apparently, like.... - Changed her look. - She's...

Yeah, she's changed her look, maybe he said something about it, he's like, "Wow, she looks, like, really good now,". or whatever that maybe set this girlfriend off. - I mean, it's also... You have the element, like, of they are still friends, right? He's still friends with his ex, which is totally fine, but some people, clearly, like, in the case of this new girlfriend, are uncomfortable by it 'cause they're just like, "What if he wants to get back with her at some point?". I don't know. - And that's the first day that they met too. - That is true, yeah. - Yeah, that's so awkward.

- Is it the first day that they've met? - If I'm the new partner, I'm gonna wanna definitely, like, make some good impressions, like, I'm gonna wanna, like, show up as my best self. in front of everyone, and they're just, like, starting fights. and being really petty. - See, I think I knew at a young age... Like, I know they're young, but I knew that... I'm like, being insecure about someone's ex. is, like, such a red flag, that I'm like, your best bet is to be chill. and not make a big deal about it, or if you're gonna say something, say it in private to them, be like, "Hey, like, I'm...".

"I feel it's...". "I feel uncomfortable about this situation.". I mean, even if it's irrational, like, that's how you have to handle it, you don't go and make rude comments to them to their face. - I think that takes a level of emotional maturity. and vulnerability to admit when you're not... When you're feeling threatened or jealous. because I think when you do that... - [Shane] It's tough. - It's admitting that you are the one. that has the work to do, you know? If you say, "Hey, I'm jealous of your ex in your life,". it's like, "Oh, I have work to do on myself.

to not be jealous," it's not the ex's fault, it's my fault that I'm feeling jealous, at least that's what it sounds like in this situation. - This girlfriend too, her comment is really messed up. because it's not just insulting the OP, it's insulting potentially a lot of people. in that situation by saying, "Why would I...?". Like, in regards to, "Would you ever do cosplay?". They go, "Oh...". Like, they're basically saying. anyone who does cosplay is a slut. - But you know that she's not saying... - I know that she's not, but it's still just, like... - She's saying this directly about OP.

- 100%, and everybody in that situation. probably recognized that, including the ex. - And she probably... I don't know, maybe she also felt. maybe a little jealousy. that OP was getting all of this attention at the Comic-Con, like, making these, like, snide little, like, quips and stuff. whenever somebody asks to take a photo of her, I think that stuff is, like, it's cool, like, you've spent all this time on a costume.

and people wanna share their enthusiasm. and take pictures of you or take pictures with you. - It's funny, though, to be... Like, it's funny to be jealous of that. when it's like, yeah, they... 'Cause they're at a convention. where dressing up as cosplay is the point of it, so yeah, they're getting attention. 'cause they're doing that, but I also believe... Like, I see what you're saying 'cause people who get jealous. and aren't clocking, like, the irrationality of it, she's jealous, it's like, "Yeah, yeah, 'cause they're doing. the thing that people do here.". This episode of "Reddit Stories" is sponsored by Smalls.

We've talked about our favorite dinners all the time. on this channel, but what about my cat's food? They deserve the best meals. that are not only healthy, but tasty. Smalls' fresh cat food is protein-packed recipes. made with preservative-free 100% human-grade ingredients. you'd find in your fridge. Now that my cat is getting a balanced diet, she sheds less, has fewer hairballs and she has tons of energy. Other brands pack their products with carbohydrates, preservatives and harmful artificial ingredients. Smalls packs their food with high protein.

so she's fueled up and ready for the day. Birdie's dinner consists of fish licks, bird broth and fresh ground bird. She loves all of it, and I love Smalls. because it's delivered straight to my door. You can try Smalls risk-free. They'll refund you if your cat won't eat their food. So stop serving your little carnivore. a bowl of processed shortcuts. For a limited time, because you are a "Reddit Stories" listener, get 60% off your first order plus free shipping. and free treats for life. when you head to smalls.com/pitreddit.

That's 60% off your first order. plus free shipping and free treats for life. when you head to smalls.com/pitreddit. And now, back to the show. The verdict is, "not the asshole,". comments, "I'll apologize after your girlfriend apologizes. for implying that we, the people cosplaying, were sluts. Short, sweet, and to the point, let's see his hypocrite ass respond to that, I'd also tell your friend group that is your stance, it's the most fair for everyone involved.". Someone said, "Not the asshole, so it was perfectly okay for her to bully you all day,

but the second you clap back, which anyone would do after being called a slut, she's suddenly the victim and you have to apologize? No, she shouldn't give if she can't take. She started it, it's not your fault. that she's so ridiculously insecure. that she has to tear you down to feel better about herself. It's not your fault she's immature.". Lastly, someone said, "Not the asshole, keep in mind you're 22. and this is probably not your forever friend group. If they want you to go against your values. to keep the peace, don't. You're not the one in the wrong.". Yeah, I mean, early 20s,

you could keep a lot of those friends, but it's... You should not devalue yourself. for your friend group or minimize yourself, I will say the ex, I don't like that he is trying to control. the dynamic of the friend group, he's like, "I'm threatening to leave if you don't abide. by my girlfriend, who I'm bringing into the fold,". like, it's like, "Hey, this is the friend group, they...". "You guys have to operate as your own.". - Yeah, I feel like there is still room. for, like, a level set of, like, "Hey...".

You know, bring everyone together, bring all the parties together and be like, "Hey, like, I reacted this way. because what you said was really hurtful. and the actions that you did. throughout the day also hurt me. I'm sorry I, you know, reacted in this way, but there was hurt there from things that you did,". and so, I think there's a way out of this. and there's a way to, you know, preserve the friend group.

if the OP wanted that, but it would require both parties to be on board. with that sort of, like, level set. - It would require a lot of work, I think OP should probably talk. to the other people in the friend group first. about the situation 'cause if they're all there. and witnessed all this, it's tough, man. Man, when you're in a friend group. and two people start dating, and then, they break up, it's like... (Ian exhaling deeply). "All right, like, that's on them to manage that," I...

If I was... - That's why Anthony and I have never dated. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, 'cause it would just be, like, really tough. - We didn't wanna risk that. - Yeah, it'd be really tough. - Yeah. Tough choice. - If I'm, like, the friends in the friend group, I'm pissed at this guy because I'm like, "Hey, like, you are doing the thing. that breaks up friend groups,". like, I'm sorry, man, like, this is the situation, you gotta navigate this...". - And he's trying to control OP... - And the friend group. - And the friend group, yeah. - By saying, like, "I'm gonna leave if this...". "People don't accommodate me,".

it's just like, "Dude, (censored) you," like, I'm sorry. - Okay, then leave, I guess? - Yeah, like, it might be what has to happen, one of them has to go, it sounds like, if... But he is bringing the insecurity about... (indistinct). - Yeah, his insecurity is causing all the issues, or I mean, I guess and the person he's dating, but, like, it's going through him, and then, he's saying, "Everyone needs to change because of my insecurities.". - Yeah, or, "My girlfriend's...". - Or, "My partner's insecurities.". - "Update...". (people exclaiming in excitement). - Okay! - So let's see what happens here, this is five days later.

- Okay, some shit's gone down in five days. - She's like, "I found a cosplay I'm doing. that's even sluttier.". - "I'm cosplaying as your girlfriend!". - Full tiddie out... - "I'm Bayonetta.". (people laughing). - Yeah! - All right. - "I'm Silent.". - (laughs) Yeah, "I'm Silent.". - Dude, imagine showing... - Silent? - That was from "Metal Gear Solid V.". - Oh. - It's basically, like... - I didn't get that far. - She's basically, like, fully naked. - Is a bikini warrior. (laughs). - Is that late in the game? 'Cause I only played the first 40 hours.

That game is, like, 200 hours, I swear. - Yeah, I think it's halfway 'cause "Metal Gear V," yeah. - Am I thinking of "V?". - No, I think you are, yeah, the open-world "Metal Gear.". - Yeah, I was, like, 40 hours deep in that, I didn't see her. - I think she probably comes in about 50 or 60 hours, I don't know. - Anyway, I gotta hear this update. - [Shane] Oh, right. - Sorry, I got distracted. - "Wow, I didn't expect this post. to blow up as much as it did. Thank you for all the support, understanding and kind comments. First of all, I want to apologize if the redaction. in the original post wasn't the best. English is not my first language. and I kind of wrote it in the heat of the moment. Second of all, my ex left the friend group.

and took his new girl with him.". Good riddance. "After a final attempt at making me apologize, he left the chat through a long paragraph of text. and a block to every single person involved. The two ex-friends who asked me. to apologize to him followed suit. I'm not surprised in the slightest. since they've been his friends longer. than they have been mine. I will admit I'm a bit heartbroken about it, but I'll get over it. Of course, my ex DM-ed me. to call me an immature bitch one last time, then proceeded to block me as well, I'm honestly fine with that.

Now, for some clarifications on the original post. Yeah, I admit the screaming match. was very immature and impolite of us. I don't wanna make excuses, but after a whole day at the con, we were all tired, hungry and very annoyed. Emotions were running high and we behaved very immaturely. Thankfully, that particular place. is used to dealing with con attendees. and weren't too harsh on us. We did leave a big tip as an apology. To everyone asking if I'll post the cosplay, I am flattered, but while I believe. I've become a bit more confident in myself...". - They're like, "Oh, we just gotta see it.". Yeah, nice going, Reddit.

- "We'll be the judge.". - "Cool story, let's see the photos.". - "We'll be the judge if it's slutty enough.". - "I don't think I'm ready to blast it. to thousands of people on the Internet just yet, maybe I'll upload something. to my main account at some point, but definitely not here. Just in case anyone wants to know. what the screaming match scene looked like, only five people out of the 11 were wearing regular clothes, the others were all in cosplay...". (person laughing). - I love that. - "Viper, myself, Chamber, two...". (indistinct). "From 'Genshin' and a friend's original character.

Again, thank you all, and sorry if you were expecting a more dramatic update. I'll reach out if anything more interesting happens, though I really doubt it, see ya.". That's so funny. - If I saw this, if I saw someone recording this on TikTok, I would be watching this whole clip. - Yeah, I wish that... - That sounds awesome. - Oh, I'm sure fights happen at every convention. 'cause they are... It's always hot. - I'd love to see a fight at a furry convention. - Yeah, oh, I'm sure you can find it. - David Attenborough's narrating it from somewhere. (people laughing).

- "As you can see, the foxes have gotten into a tiff.". - Oh, man. I know I got some Google searches in my future. - Yeah, yeah. Oh, my god, we combine these first two stories. Furries getting in a fight at McDonald's. - Hell yeah. Oh, I'm in. - Some prime entertainment there. - I never thought about people going to a con as their OC. - As an original character? Yeah, if they're putting stuff out there, I don't know. - [Ian] Interesting. - People do all sorts... People really go for niche things. - They really do. - 'Cause there was the few times back in the day. where we would go to Comic-Con and I was like,

"I'm rarely recognizing things," like, and I'm in... But nobody's gonna go as the most popular stuff. They gotta find the, like... - They got to show that they know ball. - Exactly. - They're like, "I went as the chef. from episode 219 of 'One Piece'. that was in the background,". but that's gonna to be a really sick (censored) ref. for, like, five people there. - The one person that gets it, yeah. - You seen all the Chosen... There's, like, this... There's this trend of people going to these cons as Chosen, there's videos of them coming down escalators.

- It's so funny. - There's just, like, 50 Chosens down an escalator. - What? - I would be disappointed... - Have you seen these popping up? - No. - Oh, people really go as the Chosen a lot, it's a great costume for a con. - I am very honored. whenever I see people dressing up as the Chosen. - [Anthony] So dope. - If people get in a fight as the Chosen, I will be disappointed. Like, that's... 'Cause that goes against the character, like... - Chosen uses words. - Well, at our "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories" show in London, these two people went as Zocdoc. - Oh, I saw "Zoc" and I saw "Doc.".

- One shirt said "Zoc," the other shirt said "Doc.". - That's the deep ref right there. - I was like, "You guys are doing free advertising.". (people laughing). Okay. - So this dude split up the friend group, entirely split it in half. - Split up the friend group. - And in such a lame way too, being like, "I'm gonna write this huge paragraph. and I'm gonna block everyone so you can't respond to it.". - "And everyone's a bitch!". - Embarrassing. - It is embarrassing. - It was... (Anthony exclaiming in disgust). - Anyways, moving on.

I don't feel like either of these have been, like, revenge. as much as these are people standing their ground. in a very fair way so far, I believe. - I mean, it's kind of, like, a big reaction maybe, but it seems appropriate for the situation to some degree. - I'm on their sides. - Our next story comes from "trueoffmychest,". this was posted in 2023, "My ex-girlfriend got revenge on me and I'm so broken.". (Anthony exclaiming in dismay). Whoa. - Oh, this is from this perspective. - Yeah, interesting.

- This is gonna be a... - The vengeance receiver. - I feel like this is gonna be a heartbreaking perspective. - Yeah. "I, a 25-year-old man, have been with my ex-girlfriend, Carly, 23, for nearly 10 years. We were high school sweethearts. and had a good relationship up until. after she completed college. Adulthood has been putting a strain on our relationship, so bills and finding sustaining jobs has been a challenge. We started arguing a bunch. and just started overall being annoyed. with each other's existence. We weren't sleeping in the same room, let alone being intimate.

It was a tough time to say the least. We tried therapy and I felt like it wasn't working. I honestly wanted to be done, but I couldn't break up with her because we lived together. and she helped me get out of debt, so I did something horrible. and I started cheating on her. with her childhood best friend.". (people exclaiming in disgust). - Her other childhood best friend? - "I thought she would never find out, and my gosh, I was wrong. Yesterday afternoon, I came home and she wanted to talk, and without hesitation, she jumped straight into it. and asked me point blank if I was cheating on her,

and I, of course, tried to lie. and she just starts laughing and says, 'I knew you weren't going to admit it, but I was going to give you the benefit of the doubt, so now I just feel less guilty.'. I just confessed to her and she just looked at me. and didn't have any expression nor speak. When I finished, she just laughed. and told me, and I will never forget it, 'Honestly, it's fine because Louie was over last weekend. and we had a great time.'". (Anthony exclaiming in dismay). "My heart dropped to my stomach. because Louie is my big brother.". (Anthony laughing). (Ian exclaiming in shock).

- Oh, my god! - Oh, that is diabolic! - Damn, this is messy. - Diabolical! - This is messy. - You kept it in the family? God damn. - "I just thought it was a low blow on Carly, given she knew how insecure I was about my brother, he's the golden child. and literally always did things 10 times better than me. I'm stuck having to have some sort of...". - Six inches taller. - [Shane] Yeah. (laughs). - Bigger dong. (people laughing). Eight-pack, maybe even 10-pack.

- "I'm stuck having to have. some sort of relationship with him, and meanwhile, she can just drop her friend. My chest and heart have been hurting so much. since I found out, and I'm so broken. I know I was wrong for cheating first, but if she knew...". (Anthony laughing). "But if she knew, why didn't she just break up with me first? I called out of work. because I feel like throwing up just thinking about it. Edit, I did not intend for this to be a viral post, I'm just extremely hurt and I get I (censored) up, also, yes, I know she did because she offered video proof.

and my brother has been dodging my calls.". - (laughs) Oh, my... What the hell? - "I'm going actually insane right now, and all you people here are just obsessed. with kicking me while I'm down and it's (censored) up, like, I get it, LOL, so funny, she won, good for her. Also with the debt she helped me pay off, she just did it from her inheritance, I didn't ask her.". - (laughs) I was just her inheritance! - If she asks for the money back, I will be willing. to set up some payment arrangement with her.". Oh, my god. - [Anthony] This is insane!

- This is so messy. - And he's the victim... He thinks he's the victim. - And she's offering to send him a video. of her (censored) his brother. (Anthony laughing). That's crazy. - This is chaos. - Oh, my god. - Oh, my god. - You know what? Okay, okay, there's a million things going on, one is him going, like, "Why didn't she just break up with me?". Like, buddy, we could ask the same thing of you.

and you're giving all these excuses of, like, "Well, the situation's weird. and we're living together and stuff,". I'm like, "Yeah, that's kinda why cheating is so shitty. because yeah, you're stuck in that situation,". like, if you're gonna cheat, you need to just break up, like... - He's like, "If she could have just cheated on me. with anyone else," like, he's... - So that it wouldn't have been too hurtful. - Yeah, "It hurt me too much.". - Like, you already chose her childhood best friend... - Yeah, which is diabolical. - Like, it's already... I mean...

- And also, like, to say, "I didn't think she'd find out,". how dumb are you? Like, of all the people in the world... - Dude, if you're gonna cheat... If you are going to cheat, you have to know that. that shit is gonna get found out. - Especially someone so close to her, right? - Oh, my god. - The closest person outside of a brother, maybe. - What the (censored)? - "She one-upped me slightly.". (Anthony groaning in dismay). - Yeah, it's like, "Duh, she's gonna find out.".

Okay, though, the best... Childhood best friend and his brother, diabolical human beings. - Oh, they're horrible, everyone's horrible. - What the (censored)? - Everyone sucks here. - Everyone here sucks. - Like, that's not... I guess it's not her childhood best friend. - No. - Like, what the hell? And then, his brother... Like, his brother just sounds like he's the devil, like, just living to ruin his life. - I mean, I think that dynamic happens. a lot more than we think. - Oh, awful. - Probably.

- Of, like, people... I mean, you... I mean, I think a lot of times, like, I feel like we've all kind of heard stories. of, like, people where it's like, "Oh, this, like, couple got divorced, and then, one person started seeing. the other person in the family,". like, I feel like that happens not, like, often, but often enough to know it's, like, an existing truth. - Only one out of every 10,000. writes a Reddit post about it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. - This episode of "Reddit Stories" is sponsored by Zocdoc. Life has some pretty big moments, like moving to a new state or starting a new job.

Getting situated and "starting over". can feel like a daunting task. That's why I use Zocdoc. Zocdoc lets you search and compare local in-network doctors. Imagine just logging onto the free Zocdoc app, entering your location, adding your insurance, and just like that, you can line up. all your appointments for the year. Dentistry, primary care, dermatology. can all be taken care of in one app. They have more than 150,000 providers. within 200-plus specialties across all 50 states.

There's no need to be stressed about finding a new doctor, Zocdoc is there to help you out. I had been pushing off doctor's appointments for years, and when I downloaded the app, it made it so simple. that I had all my doctor's appointments set within a week. It's incredible. Your health matters and taking care of yourself. shouldn't be complicated. Find and book the right doctor with Zocdoc. Head to zocdoc.com/pitreddit to get started. and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's zocdoc.com/pitreddit. (upbeat funk music).

(loud rustling). (light thudding). Back to the show. Oh, my god, so basically, she helped him out of debt, so she was basically, I think in many ways, like, supporting him, and they... - But out of an inheritance. - Yeah. - It was just her inheritance, she didn't earn it. - It was just her inheritance, I don't know, I... - It was free money. - Free money. - I... It's just, like...

It's impossible to be on this guy's side, like, and all the things he's giving, I just kind of struggle with it, it was like, "We weren't sleeping in the same room, let alone being intimate, it was a tough time to say the least, we tried therapy and it felt like it wasn't working,". it's like, all right, like, then have the conversation to break up. - "Everything in the universe was telling us to break up, but I just had to sleep with her childhood friend.". - Yeah. Were they married? - I don't think they said... - Girlfriend, no, they're just dating, but I mean, 10 years, 10 years is like a marriage,

I mean, it's... They're living together, their lives are intertwined, but... - I couldn't imagine, like, dating somebody. from 13 to 23 or whatever. - Yeah, 25 or whatever, yeah, 23. - That's... Like, you just... - [Shane] That is wild. - You're a completely different person. - I mean, I get... Feel that feeling of being, like, kind of trapped. in a relationship where you're living in a house. and you're, like, in it way past... That you're in the relationship way past its prime. and you're like, "I...". - And you don't know any other relationship. - Yeah, and you're like, "I feel like this isn't working, but I don't have enough experience in my life.

to know is this the way that just relationships. are just supposed to be this way?". But, like, when it gets to the point where you're like, "We're sleeping in different beds and I'm cheating,". it's like, that's a.... And therapy isn't working. - I just... I don't understand, I'm like, "If you are cheating on someone, the relationship is over,". like, you are... If you are at that point where you have no communication. and you're just operating, I'm like, "You don't sound like you like each other, like, why are you doing this?". Especially at 25, I'm like, "I don't understand,". it's not like you have kids and it's like, "Oh, we're supporting our children together and stuff,".

it's like, come on, man, there's always... And this is a tough thing. when a relationship's not working out, there's always a really good reason. of, like, "Well, we can't break up. because it's so uncomfortable and it's awkward,". it's like, yeah, breaking up sucks, especially if you live together, it is super inconvenient, it's gonna be an absolute hassle, but you gotta do it, like... - And as much as it hurts now, it's gonna hurt worse later, like, if they broke up... - It only gets worse. - Like, if they broke up a year prior, the pain would have been a lot more manageable than this. - It's also just funny that, like, he feels indebted to her.

to not break up with her because she paid off his debt, but not indebted enough to not cheat on her. - Right? And, like, the debt stands out so much in his mind. that he's adding it in this post... - Yeah, and also in, like, the most hurtful way too, like, there's only... Outside of, yeah, relatives, there's... Like, that is the... Probably the most hurtful person. that you could cheat on. - Yeah, it seems almost purposeful, right? 'Cause, like...

To, like, completely... - Like he was trying to force her hand? - Almost like... - Force her to break up with him? - I don't know if... - It's like he was sabotaging it. - Yeah, yeah, he was trying to sabotage. - I'm picking up a few context clues from this, one is that when he lied to her, so she asked him, like, flat-out, like, "Are you cheating on me?". He lied and she was like, "I knew you would,". she had already gotten her revenge, but she clearly, at this stage, had zero faith in him. and had such disdain for him, and this behavior clearly had been....

She had probably caught him. in a million lies up to this point, also, I'm guessing that this affair with her best friend. has been going on for a while. if she slept with his brother a week ago. and is now asking... Like, it sounds like this timeline, this was not, like, "I slept with your best friend once,". it's like, stuff had been happening, so I think she was so beyond done. - This guy lost me so many times, though, he's like, "Yeah, and then, she asked me. if I cheated and I lied...". - And I know he's not asking for our opinion,

it's just a confession, but it's like, "Dude, you're not gonna get sympathy from Reddit. if you're saying...". Like, people don't... Like, they're not gonna stand with a cheater, even, like... - Especially not Reddit, Reddit hates a cheater. - Yeah, I mean, I just think, like, people nowadays. really hate breaches of trust, like... - Yeah, that's what it really is, is the deception of it all, like, no one wants to be, like... And, like, it's not... A one-time deception, obviously, is horrible, but... And then, to be repeated and repeated and repeated, it, like, just exponentially increases in pain. - Right.

The comments on this, "You didn't just cheat, you went to her best friend all while you continued. to reap the benefits of living with her, how is what you did somehow less worse. than her going to your brother? And only in the aftermath. of you doing it first, mind you, so she'd hurt you too. You really aren't a victim here, my guy, and I don't know why you expected anyone here. to fall over themselves telling you otherwise.". Someone said, "This post is so funny, you go and cheat on her, but when you get the same treatment back, somehow it breaks your heart, please.". (Anthony laughing). Someone said, "If you had a bad relationship,

then why didn't you break up with her? You decided to cheat instead, and now, you're mad that she did it back? You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm glad she gave you a taste of your own medicine.". - Damn, people are glad that... - I mean. (people laughing). - I mean, like, yeah, I think he's still allowed. to feel hurt by what she did, but at the same time, it's like, yeah. - He's probably more allowed. to be mad at his brother, but her, it's like, "Dude...". - There's just, like, this weirdness. where, like, when someone's being so hypocritical,

it's like, "Bro, look at yourself. in the mirror for a second, why are you getting your feelings hurt. when you're looking at the situation in the mirror?". - Yeah. I really think, like, it seems like cheating. really messes with people in their head, like, getting away with it. seems like it really does something, like, I almost think that's worst-case scenario. is to get away with it because I'm like, now, your brain is like, "Oh, I got away with that,". and, like, I'm just like... (Shane exclaiming in disgust). Like, I almost think that scares me more. than the repercussions, you know?

Like, I'm just like... I just think it's bad for you. - I feel like it would be such a haunting feeling, right? - Totally, to just... To live like it's... I think it's the same with doing anything. and getting away with it, like, people who get away with a murder or something. where I'm just like, "You're now living day-to-day. in this weird simulation of, like, 'Everyone's talking to me as if I am someone. and nobody knows me,'" I'm like, it's gotta be isolating, and that's why, like, I know, like... Isn't it a weird thing that with cheating, the cheater can develop a resentment.

towards their partner for, like, not knowing? And, like, it's a weird... I'm like, it's one of those things where I'm like, I don't wanna deal with the psychological horrors. that come with that. - Yeah, and, like, a lot of times it comes up on this show, like, and you even mentioned, like, when someone is so concerned. about their partner cheating, so often, they're the ones cheating. and that's why the idea is planted. in their head in the first place. - It's often the biggest red flag. is, like, severe levels of suspicion. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And that's just their own anxiety going crazy. because they're anxious about this own...

Their own situation, so they're being anxious about everything. - 'Cause how... You can't trust anyone. if you know you've gotten away with something. - Yeah, yeah. That's true, it's like, "It's so easy for me to get away with, everyone's getting away with something.". - It's truly, like... It's, like, a horror to me. - Yeah. I agree. - Anyways, moving on, 'cause that is the revenge so far. - That was crazy. - That is revenge. - That was the first, like, real, true diabolical revenge. - Also, that was some "Game of Thrones" revenge. where it's like, the revenge had already been lain.

- Right. - Quite literally. (people laughing). It was like, "Oh, I've already done it.". - I wanna see the scene, like, reenacted, with, like, "Game of Thrones" theme, right? - I could see that. That'd be a good episode. - I wanna see, like, the girlfriend comment. and be like, "Yeah, and I'm with his brother and he's great. Everything is awesome.". - "Taller, longer, wider, faster, stronger.". - "We're buying a house.".

- "Richer.". - "I'm already pregnant with his child.". - "Better hairline.". - "Better...". "Way better hairline. Bakes a really mean baked ziti.". (person laughing). (Shane exclaiming in desire). Yeah. - What is that? Whatever. - Pasta. - Okay. (people laughing). - All right, our final story comes from "pettyrevenge.". This was posted the week of Christmas 2025. - Ooh, Merry Christmas! - "I ate a bag of 'rich man's nut'.

so my boss would stop coming into my office. and eating the 'rich man's nuts.'". Okay. - Coming into the office... (indistinct). - All right. - The way this is phrased is... - Yeah, it's a lot. - There's a lot going on here. - "It's the holidays, so the company I work for. gets a lot of gift baskets from our clients and vendors. I work in a department that because of the work we do, we rarely get gifts and treats. unless one of the other departments. shares their gifts with us. Thankfully, someone shared a couple of baskets. with nuts, candies, crackers, et cetera.

The VP has been coming into our office almost every day. to pick from our gift baskets. He doesn't do this to any of the other departments, and I have seen him get a couple of baskets himself. and never shared them. We had an unopened basket and he opened it, then chose the most expensive item, a bag of pistachios, and ripped into it, stealing some of our pistachios, then said, I love the 'rich man's nut.'". (people laughing). - Is that 'cause, like...? - Are pistachios the "rich man's nut?". - They are more expensive. - Oh, wow.

- Especially if they come pre-shelled. - I gotta learn about the harvesting process of these things. to justify the price of these rich man's nuts. - They are delicious, I do, like... I feel like pistachio's on a lot. of, like, expensive, like, desserts and stuff. - Yeah, like a Middle Eastern dessert. - Yeah, like baklava which has pistachio on the top. Is...? What is it? Dubai chocolate, is that pistachio? - Yep, that's pistachio. - Okay, so the vice president is coming into their office, grabbing pistachios and saying, "I love the rich man's nut.". - And these are gift bags...

- These are gift baskets. - That were for the workers. - For the workers, for departments, they're a department that doesn't get many gifts, so, like, someone else gave them some of theirs. and this vice president's waltzing in, taking the best things from their basket. - Do you remember? We had somebody back in the DeFy days... - What are you doing with your fingers? This sounds like a mystery... Mysterious story. What is this? "Remember when we had...?". - "Come with me to the pistachio farm.". (people laughing). - Do you remember? There was an executive at DeFy.

and there was a bowl of M&Ms, and they would walk in and just, like, grab M&Ms, and somebody was like, "Oh, I saw that person not wash their hands...". - They didn't... Yeah. - "When they go to the bathroom.". - Was this when I worked there or is this...? - No, this was in the dark ages. - Okay, this is the year after. (laughs). - And then, they would, like, walk into this room. that had a bowl of M&Ms and they would just, like, stick. their dirty little wiener hands on... (people laughing).

Into the M&Ms. - The hands were bad enough, the unwashed hands were bad enough. - The rich man's nut, if you really... - The rich man's nut, yeah. (Shane laughing). They could have been peanut M&Ms. They might have been. - [Anthony] Oh, boy. - Yeah, I do remember this. - Oh, those wiener hands. - "This man makes five times what I do, when the opportunity came for him. to fight for raises for us, he didn't, and now, he is coming into our office. and stealing our gifts and eating our rich man's nuts.". (Anthony laughing). "This cannot continue. I decided that I'm going to eat every single pistachio.

I don't particularly like pistachios or nuts, but I am not gonna let him come in here. and steal my rich man's nut. I'm gonna eat them all to myself. and enjoy every single last minute of it. I have eaten four sleeves of nuts, the basket is now empty, my body doesn't feel good, but my pride is intact knowing I am full of rich man nut. while he cannot take anymore...". (people laughing). - There's lots of other ways to get that, you know? - "I am full of rich man nuts.". (people laughing). - You can just get on, like, a sugar baby, like, website.

- Okay. (laughs). - There's lots of other ways. Why didn't this person just...? I don't know if you're finishing the story. - It's... Yeah, it's over. - Okay. - Okay. (laughs). - Why didn't this person just, like, hide them? Just tell their department, "Hey, like, this guy shouldn't be stealing. our rich man nuts," like... - You didn't have to eat them all at once. - I don't think this counts as revenge. because that also means. the rest of the department doesn't get the rich man's nuts. - Yeah, yeah. Revenge on one person.

- What are you doing? - He cut off his... - [Emily] He's like Robin Hood, but if he kept all the money. - (laughs) Yeah. - [People] Yeah. - What the (censored)? - Eat from the rich and... - You're like, "If Robin hood ate the gold coins.". (people laughing). - He cut off his balls to save his wiener, you know? (people laughing). - What? - Oh, my god. (indistinct). - What is the term? "Cut off your...". - The rest of the accounting department's like, "Hey, man, where did the pistachios go?". And he's over here, like, filled to the brim.

just like, "Uh...". - Pistachios are so filling, I got a bag at the airport. thinking I was just gonna chow down on the... I was so full by a third of the way through. - Yeah, they're, like, really fatty. They're good for you. - But that's a... That takes effort. - Yeah, he's got a lot of fiber. (Anthony laughing). - I don't know if... I don't know how much fiber's in pistachios. - I don't know, I just know they're really good for you. I don't know pistachios in particular, I'm thinking, like, almonds and stuff, walnuts... - Yeah, okay, they might have some fiber. - Yeah, yeah. - Comments, "I mean, you could have taken them.

to someone who would enjoy them, but I still approve, that guy is a jerk.". Someone said, "Life pro tip, you have enough pistachio paste inside of you right now. that if you dipped yourself in dark chocolate, you'd be the world's largest Dubai chocolate.". - That's a thought. - Wow. - But you'd also need, like, filo dough too. - Yeah, yeah, you need a lot of stuff. Someone said, "That's nuts." (laughs). "Just put the best stuff in your drawers. and leave the cheapest for him,". OP said, "Bro, that's the (censored) thing, we hid them twice and he still found it and ate our stuff.".

I think your vice president is a squirrel. (people laughing). - I was thinking, he's like... Yeah, he's like a... - Sniffing around for them. (laughs). "Where's the nuts?". - He's like a truffle pig, you know? (people laughing). He's like, "I know they're around here somewhere.". (indistinct). - Pistachios. Yeah, I don't know if that counts as vengeance, I think vengeance would be you'd have to swap them out. with, like, those super spicy nuts or something like that, you gotta get 'em, but he was unharmed in this process. - There's so many fun ways. he could have gone about that revenge, right? - He could have swapped them out all for shelled pistachios.

- Oh, or if he really wanted to put in the time, he could have taken them out of the shell... Taken the pistachio out of the shell. and just gave him bunch of shells. - Oh, a bunch of shells. - Bunch of shells. - Or went through all the pistachios. that have shells on them. and only left in the ones that are... You know how sometimes, they don't quite...? Like, there's not enough, like, of a gap. to actually open them. and you, like, break a fingernail opening it? - I really can't do anything that I have to shell, I struggle with that stuff,

I'm like, "I don't wanna work for this.". - Okay, privilege. - Truly, yeah. - I'll crack those thick-ass nuts in my teeth, though, and it's scary, it's scary, you're like, "I might lose something in the process.". - You know, what he also could have done. is attached the bag of pistachios. to, like, a string, like a pulley system. so when he grabbed the pistachios, two logs came down and smushed him. - Yeah! - Oh, fire, okay. Great, great. - (laughs) You know, he could've done that. - That's gonna be an awkward... (indistinct). - He walks into the office. and the guy's hanging from the ceiling like, "Whoa!".

(people laughing). Yeah, you know... - Did this guy not watch "Home Alone?". Were his wheels not turning? - Yeah, clearly, I mean, he can up his game here. - Yeah, instead, he hurt his stomach. Instead, he felt full. - Yeah, congrats, man, you ate a bunch of pistachios, you could have just... If you're gonna eat them all, just take the pistachios home. Like, what are you doing? Why eat them all in one sitting? - There's so many other things he could have done. and he chose the silliest option. - All right. - I wanna know if the dude came in. and was like, "Where are they?". - [Shane] "Where are my pistachios?".

- He's like, "They're in me.". - "They're in my belly...". - "They're in me.". - (laughs) "Then I'm gonna eat you.". (people laughing). - Just tears open his stomach. (Shane laughing). - All right. Well, that was our final story. - [People] Wow. (people cheering). - Some good vengeance today. - Was there? - Nothing... Well, nothing beats the one guy who... - The brother. - Got... Yeah, who cheated on his girlfriend, and then, she slept with his brother, that's peak vengeance. - That's peak. - The rest was kind of silly, but still good.

- If anyone sleeps with my childhood friend, I'm gonna sleep with their brother. - All right. (people laughing). And you heard it here, folks. - It's the way the cookie crumbles. - That's just how it goes. - How it goes. It's the only logical thing. - Hey, look, it's what you have to do. Anyways, thank you both for joining me. - Of course. - Had a great time. - [Anthony] Thank you. - And... (people laughing). - "Of course.". - I don't know, the way you said it, I was like... - I'm just wrapping it up! I'm just wrapping it up.

- Sure. - Look, yeah, you walk into my office. and I have a bowl of pistachio nuts. and I'm like, "Go ahead, Ian. Help yourself.". You're like, "What are you...?". - "Eat the spicy ones.". - I'm on the phone with your brother. (people laughing). - No! No! - Calling your brother now. - This is how I find out I have a brother... (people laughing). 'Cause you (censored) him! (indistinct). - "And I (censored) him!". (people laughing). - "I went on ancestry.com...". - "I have a brother?". - "I am your brother!".

- "And I (censored) him!". (people laughing). - And you're just like, you just put the pistachio back in there. (people laughing). Okay. All right, thank you both for joining... - Thank you. - And thank you for watching, we'll see you next Saturday, goodbye. - [People] Bye. - Thanks again to DoorDash. for sponsoring this episode of "Reddit Stories.".