We Saved These Stories For Them w/ The Basement Yard | Reading Reddit Stories

- This episode of "Reddit Stories" is sponsored by DoorDash. Gotchu, delivered. DoorDash. Hello and welcome to "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.". I'm Shayne. And today the theme doesn't really matter. because we have two incredible guests joining us. From "The Basement Yard,". we have Joe and Frank here on the couch. (everyone cheers). Dude. - Thanks for having us much. - Thanks so much. - Thank you for being here. I feel like we have been like wanting this to happen. for so long. - Same. - Like, on any of our shows. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I feel like we've like shouted you guys out. I feel like you guys have talked about us occasionally.

- Yeah. As soon as we heard you say like "The Basement Yard,". we're like, "Yo, we gotta get over there. "They got a big audience.". - Yeah. I will say, I will say I was a little afraid meeting you. because I don't know if the cameras are adding the amount. of muscle this dude is sitting here with, but last time we spoke about you, we wondered like who would win in a fist fight. - And I saw this, and Joe said he would drag me around the ring. - Drag you around... (everyone laughs). So we didn't know-. - I was like, "Let's look up his like height, weight,". whatever. (everyone laughs). All right, so like just bicep curls. All right, great. - Yeah.

So we were afraid walking in. that you were just gonna walk in. and full on just start decking us. - Just fully open and just bam! - [Frank] Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Say it again! - No, I am truly so excited. I am genuinely a fan. - As are we, man. - Courtney was the one. who like told me about your guys' podcast. And then we would listen to it a lot. when we're like on long drives and stuff. It's so (beep) funny. - Thank you, man. We're really excited. - Well, great. You guys know Reddit. - Oh yeah. - You know Reddit. You've been on "Two Hot Takes," so this is, you've already-. - Yeah. - And honestly, like I really appreciate people.

who are able to find the most insane things on Reddit. - Yeah, our producers are incredible at this. - And I hope you have therapists as well. because obviously reading some of this-. - I'm sure everyone does a little bit of therapy work here, you know? They throw pies at each other. It's a nice community. - Yeah. I have been told, I think we have a pretty legendary story in this one. One that's like very famous on Reddit. We're finally doing it. - Okay. - [Shayne] And I've been wanting to read it for years. - You guys held it for us? - [Emily] Yes! - Oh my god. - We've been holding it for a while.

We're like waiting for the right moment, so... - Don't (beep)-. - Yeah, I know. (everyone laughs). - Do not mess this up. - Pressure. - Here we go. Our first story. Comes from Am I The Asshole. This was posted in 2019. - Excellent year. - Pre-COVID. - Excellent. Yeah, excellent year. - Wonderful vintage. - [Shayne] Yeah. (Frank laughs). I hardly remember 2019, I feel like. - It also doesn't, it seems like two years ago. Was (beep) a long time ago. - Yeah, it's decades at this point. - Truly. - [Emily] Seven years. - Yeah. - Yeah, even hearing that, I'm like, "No, not seven.".

- Stop. Don't say that. - Not seven. - Okay. "Am I the asshole for throwing away. "my boyfriend's potentially illegal yogurt collection?". Okay, so I did find this one. I found this one and I sent it. I was like, "We gotta read this shit.". "I'm a 29-year-old woman. "My boyfriend is a 30-year-old man. "We've been living together for two years in a little studio. "in a very expensive big US city. "My boyfriend grew up rurally with lots of space, "enough to collect all kinds of things. "He collected action figures and video games.

"and all the normal kid stuff when he was young, "but as he grew older, "he became interested in more unusual things. "As a teen, he had eight guinea pigs. "of different types from different breeders. "Since Tide Pods were released seven years ago, "he saved one of every kind of Tide Pod. "He's got a big box of an international variety. "of electric insulators, those little ceramic hats. "that power lines wrap around on power poles. "He's not a hoarder. "He's usually neat, just used to having lots of space. "for his bizarro collections.

"At his parents' ranch, "he has two big rooms full of containers of weird. "and impressive things. "He recently became interested in yogurt. "He's always hated dairy products until about a year ago. "He's not just started drinking milk. "and sharing ice cream with me, "but he's found a love for yogurts. "So he now collects them, of course. "The problem is that they're perishable. "So until earlier today, "our little 550 square foot studio. "contained about 2,100 cups of yogurt.".

(Frank laughs). "It comes in tons of varieties. "Different types, flavors, textures, containers, "made by different companies and different countries. "This is like crack to my boyfriend. "So he tried to pretty much save a sample. "of everything he could find. "He filled our fridge, bought a new fridge, "and then another tiny bedside fridge. "He said he didn't want to walk to the fridge at night, "but it was obviously a ruse to get more yogurt space.". (everyone laughs). - Okay. - I think he's tricking me.

- Yeah. - "These fridges all filled up with his yogurts. "And if you keep them for long, they smell bad. "Sometimes the packaging breaks. "So our apartment was smelling like rotten milk. "for the last two weeks, "and my boyfriend's attitude was, 'Oh, it's fine,'. "and, 'Just deal with it for a little longer,'. "until I pulled the plug and threw it all out this morning. "I was looking at my groceries, "which I had to put beside the fridge. "because there was no space. "and everything smelled like death. "And then I kind of snapped and threw it all away. "My boyfriend is understandably upset.

"We've been arguing about whether I crossed a line. "by throwing away his stuff. "And he's especially upset because he, of course, "had rare yogurts that were hard to find. "In particular, he had some Cuban and Iranian yogurts. "that you can't get in the US.". - Hell yeah. - "But I know that we have trade sanctions. "against Iran and Cuba, "so I don't know if it was even legal for him to have them. "I asked where he got his Iranian yogurt, "but he kept insisting, "'The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here,'.

"and that the real issue. "was me throwing out his precious yogurts. "without his permission. "Am I the asshole here? "Do I need r/LegalAdvice? "Thanks in advance. "I'm so exasperated.". - Well, let's start with, it sounds like these people need r/Help. (everyone laughs). - Yeah. In general. - You want to know what it sounds like? - Yeah. - Don't you dare. Don't you dare! - He does this. - You do this? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - I mean, not Iranian yogurt.

- No, no, no, no, no, no. - Not Iranian yogurt, obviously. - I mean, I'll be honest with you, I might have to get in the yogurt game. This sounds pretty sick. - I've never tried, I love yogurt. - Big yogurt fans. You said yogurt, I saw Greg quiver over there. Like, he was pumped about yogurt. - Greg was like, "(beep) yeah.". - First of all, this sounds like it is like a weapon of mass destruction. Like, when yogurt, it like inflates and stuff. and like it'll pop. - Oh, it gets gross. - Remember those old fart bags when we were kids? - Yeah. - That's what, they're sitting on 2,000-. - Wait, are you talking like a, not a whoopee cushion? - No. - You're talking like a fart bag.

- Do you remember them? - You never had fart bags? (everyone laughs). - You ever heard of fart bags? - You didn't have fart bags? Where did you grow up? - Please show of hands-. - I grew up mostly in Arizona. - Oh, Arizona- - You can't have fart bags. out there. - Arizona, they would explode, it's too hot. - It's too hot. I mean, it was a bag. It was a bag and there was a cartoon guy farting super hard. and you would press it and then it would start inflating. And then it would explode and it would smell like shit. - I've never heard of this. - Dude, you need to get your hands on this some fart bags. - I need to start collecting fart bags. - He threw one in my apartment. - Oh yeah, I did. A couple. - How recently?

- A couple years ago. He's also left that apartment. - He's a bad guy. - You had to leave because of the fart bags. - Yes! - Yes, those are them. - I've never seen these before. It's probably a good thing I didn't know about these. - Just throw them on the company card. Get some fart bags in here. - We're gonna be having fart bags. - It's a great bit because you do it. and you throw it back and forth like a hot potato. - Until it explodes. - And then it pops. And it pops with might, let me tell ya. - Also, and it smells like-. - 'Cause it's like the fart spray. I've heard about fart spray. - It's so bad. It's so bad. - Also the glass ones.

You ever have the glass ones? No? Did we just have like chemical warfare? - You also have shrapnel or what? (Frank laughs). - Well, here's the thing. Back to this. - Yeah. - When this person was talking about like there's rooms. and there's containers with... - Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. - You have containers. - So you're a collector? - I am a collector of... - Unable to throw outer. - No, no, no, no, no. First of all, I like to hold onto sentimental things. Sue me. - This is how it starts. - Everyone, sue me.

- Sentimental yogurt. - See, this is where it's getting out... I have gotten better. You know, I have, you know, kids and there's a, they have a lot of stuff and we have a lot of stuff. So like I've gotten better with getting rid of stuff. However, this guy's tapped in on the market. He understands that there are freaks out there. He might be one of them. Okay, whatever. I don't want to use the big freak word, but he's gonna get it because of the yogurt. He knows that people are going to buy that stuff eventually. - No, he's not. - He's not selling it though. - There's no way. - He will. He shall. - But it's perishable. It's already gone bad.

- Wait until it says, I think it said my boyfriend, I threw out my boyfriend's stuff. Wait until they got to pay for a wedding, then he'll get rid of his gen one, you know, Tide Pods. and he'll pay. - Gen one Tide Pod. - If you can't marry me and my 2,000 containers of yogurt, you can't have me. - This does sound like moving toward hoarderism. That was the hardest sentence I've ever said. in my entire life. - Move toward hoarderism. Hoarderism. - And it's also, we are already there. This guy is sprinting towards psychosis here. (Shayne laughs). This is like, this is well beyond like collecting.

- Do you collect? Do you have anything that you love? - I'm not-. - This isn't collecting. Collecting is like a, like, you know, I got like-. - I have toys. I have Megazord and Spider-Man toys. Sue me. - This is what it is. - But those do appreciate in value. - He's never gonna sell them. - Never. - But they're. also not perishable. - Correct. - But they're also, they mean something. Like, they're cool. - I also have like old beer cans in my fridge. 'cause it's rad. - Okay. Do you have like one of each? - No, I-. - What do you mean? I don't even know what that means. - You've never seen like the thing where people are like-. - I'm collecting. You wake up in bed and just a bunch of beer cans fly-.

- No, no, no. Like, you ever seen like the like garage, like grandma's garage fridge finds. where it's like a Star Wars can of Pepsi. or something like that? - What channel is that? - [Emily] Yeah, it was The Episode One Machine! - Yes! Yeah, in Pittsburgh. - Okay. - Oh, like a 1998 something. - Yes. - Okay. - Stuff like that. But when it comes to yogurt, we're getting out of control here. - If it's a special edition thing. - If it's from Iran... - If it's from Cuba or Iran, you will keep it. - I love that he started collecting yogurt, so then he was like, "I got to go international. "See, I got to start expanding.".

- But you got to enjoy it. Like, I think when it comes to foods and stuff, I get like, you get like something special. Like, the only thing I compare it to. is like a very special bottle of wine or something. And people like hold onto it. Sometimes you hold onto it for too long. And it's like, I think it's important. to like enjoy those things. - Yes. - Yes. Yes. - So it's like, dude, you got this Cuban yogurt. Have it. - I think the thing that should have happened here. is he should have tried, enjoyed the yogurt, and kept like the foil. That's a middle ground. - That's a smart-. - And you could have like a stamp book. of yogurt foil wrappers. - I love that.

I love that. I'm all in on that. - Yeah, you want it worse, somehow. (everyone laughs). Somehow that is worse. - How? - Because the yogurt isn't the foil. The yogurt is the yogurt. And you've already eaten the yogurt. - No, it's the memory. It's the memory and then you have proof that you had it. - Yeah, you ate it. It's in your body. And then like it was part of you. But you're gonna, if someone, if I went over to someone's house, if I went over, bro, if I went to your house and you were like, "Take a look at this book,". and I start opening it and it's just collected yogurts, I'd be like, "I'm getting out of here.". - You do nothing. You do nothing. You'd support me in my psychosis. - [Joe] I would get out of there.

- No, you wouldn't. - Okay, but other scenario, you're 80 years old. You're trying to tell your grandkids about how it's like, "I had this Iranian yogurt,". and they're just like, "He's (beep) lying. "He definitely didn't.". - They're not gonna say that. - But then later on, they find this journal. They go, "Oh my god, Grandpa was telling the truth. "He really did have this.". - I'm a simple man. Something that you will come to learn about him is... Black hole in here. - That's not true! - Zoom in on the black hole of a heart that he has. - That's literally not true. - I believe that energy exists in items. and like moments of time and stuff like that. So like I'll hold onto some things.

because I feel that they tell a story. - Yeah. - It's a gateway drug to 2,000 yogurts in your apartment. - Yeah. There's a limit. - Bro, if you are single, forget about it. The house will be filled with things. - My wife does a lot to reel me in. - That's what I'm saying. Like, if you were just left, you know, if you were-. - To my vices? - Yeah, if you were like just unleashed. out of the yard running around, there'd be a lot of stuff in your apartment. - See, why do you have to compare me to an animal unleashed? (crew laughs). - Yeah. - Do you collect anything? - I... I'm kind of in a similar situation. Like, you know.

Courtney and I's place is not like big enough to like... I care more about having space. than I do about collecting things. Like, I love reading. I love like having books. I wish I could have like a library. where I just keep all the books, but... I moved a couple times and I had a lot of books. and I was like, holy shit, this is so much to move. I'm getting rid of these. - I know what you want. You want a ladder on wheels. - Oh yeah. - I want that too. - I want to do the Belle thing and just roll around. - Yeah, just like swing your leg and like-. - Yeah! - Like Stanley Tucci and grab a book.

- Just kick your foot off and just be like, "Ah.". - Exactly. Exactly. - [Frank] I'm on board. - The dream. - So you'll get there. It starts with books. It ends with Iranian yogurt. - Absolutely. No, but like I was saying, I'm a huge yogurt fan. - [Frank] Sweet. - I've been typically on Skyr. - What is that? - That's like the Icelandic. - Do you open it up and it's like, "What?". Does it fart at you? - Do you not like yogurt at all? - No, I do, I do. But sometimes you open a yogurt and you're like, "Oh God.". - No, no, it's pretty like solid. and you stir it up and it's got like a-. - Like, when you open it, does it like spit at you a little bit?

Just like (makes splatter sound). - I hate that. You know what he talking about? - What kind of yogurt are you having? - No, I'm having that yogurt too. I'm with you. - [Frank] Hell yeah. (everyone laughs). - All right. - We got fart bags and spitting yogurt. - Fart bags and spitting yogurt. - To put a button on this, I don't think she's the asshole. She's clearly in survival mode and had to get-. - Yes. - That place was a hazmat issue. She did the right thing. - You gotta have balance like when you're living. with someone of like, this is my collection, but this is also your space. He's not respecting her space at all. - At all. I will say I would have advised. against throwing out all of them in fear of my life.

- Yeah. - Because it's like, this is clearly not... - It's true. You're making a bold move. - This is an unstable thing. that I could be doing. - Yep. - Yeah, I don't think she's the asshole, but it is like you're about to throw out-. - She's brave. - You're gonna throw out this man's entire collection. - Yeah. - You don't know how much money he spent on this. It's at least $5,000. just if you're doing like typical yogurt math. - Right. - But then you don't know how much these rare yogurts cost. - Yogurt's expensive. - The verdict is not the asshole. Comments. "'The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here.'. "I hope at some point in my life I find a way.

"to seamlessly drop that into conversation.". (everyone laughs). Someone said, "Not the asshole. "Seems like he is a hoarder. "Hoarders who stock everything away neatly do exist, "and him having two rooms full with his collections. "and him even slightly thinking it's okay. "to keep old rotting yogurts speaks volumes. "Not to mention those yogurts could turn. "into a safety/health hazard. "This isn't just him being used to having lots of space. "Him buying two more fridges. "with who knows what kind of an excuse for that, "again, speaks volumes. "Not to mention him tolerating a smell of rotten milk. "He clearly needs to work on this.

"Make sure that he gets some help. "'cause he definitely is a hoarder.". Someone said, "Info. "Hi, OP, just one question. "What the (beep)?". (everyone laughs). Lastly, someone said, "Everyone sucks here, but mostly he. "He sucks because he is a hoarder who filled your apartment. "with an utterly absurd collection of rotting milk. "and now has the gall to stomp his feet. "over you getting rid of it. "You threw out his shit with no warning. "If you'd made an ultimatum like, "'You have two days to turn the yogurt collection. "'into a collection of yogurt labels. "'and throw out the rotting dairy. "'or it all has to go in the trash,'.

"I'd be like, slay queen, "but as it is, "I'm assigning a small part of the blame to you.". So it's kind of what you said. - I love how people are breaking this down with like real, like genuine- - Yeah. - There's always a Redditor who like busts out the glasses. Like, all right, let me... - Let me figure this thing out. - This episode of "Reddit Stories" is sponsored by DoorDash. DoorDash makes showing up for the people you love easy. Gotchu, delivered. DoorDash. Order now. Smosh has been traveling around the world, Boston, London, Montreal.

It has been amazing, but I'm going to be real with you. Those flights exhaust me. You don't get substantial food. It's crowded. I'm tired, and I just want to shower. The first thing I do when I land back here in California. is order from my favorite restaurant. I use DoorDash because no one looks good. when they get off an airplane. I refuse to be in public. So snuggling up on the couch. with a few of my favorite dishes. is the perfect way to end my trip. I order it the moment I'm sitting in my rideshare. back to my place and when I get home, it's there waiting for me.

The relief I feel when DoorDash is there, it's one less thing to think about. Maybe I'll convince the Smosh team. to have us tour a bit more. What can I say? I love my DoorDash ritual. DoorDash makes showing up for the people you love easy. Gotchu, delivered. DoorDash. Order now. Back to the show. Let's move on to our next story. That was a solid one though. I read that story and I was like, this is incredible. - Yeah, that's wild. - [Frank] Now I want yogurt. - I really want to try Cuban and Iranian yogurt. - What was the one that was like a, it was like a, like not spark plugs,

but it was like something like that. - Oh yeah, he collected... - [Joe] I was like, what is that? - I don't know. - It was like the caps for transformers on power lines. - Yeah. - How is he getting that? - He's climbing. - What is going on? - [Shayne] He's climbing up and getting them. - [Emily] Electrical insulators. - I mean, he's getting illegal yogurt on the dark web. I'm sure that he's figuring out a way to get those-. - What of your collections do you think. is the most valuable thing you have? - Ooh, that's a great question. My children. - Okay. (crew laughs). - I am collecting- - You're collecting children.

- I'm collecting children. - We'll move on from that. (everyone laughs). - It is right now isolated to just my own. No, I would say, seriously, I have three copies in box Pokemon games. So I have- - Which ones? - Pokemon Red, Blue, and Gold right now. In box. I bought them like pre-Pokemon boom and they are-. - Pre-Pokemon boom as in like? - Logan Paul walking out with like a card on his neck. and stuff like that. I buy toys that like I had as, we had as kids. I don't know. You didn't have fart bags, so who knows.

what you played with? - Okay. - Yeah, what do we do? - I do have like the original 151 Pokemon card collection. from back when I was a kid. - I thought he was gonna say 151 like the alcohol. (everyone laughs). - I do have Bacardi 151. - I got 151. After they discontinued I got it. - I got a whole fridge full of Bacardi 151. And I'm not drinking it. - Cool. Let me know if you ever want to sell that to me. - You have the whole first collection? - Most of it. Yeah, because like when I was a kid, I was collecting them over the course of the years. - But see like I'll get toys. 'cause I was a big Power Rangers kid, and I will let my kids play with them.

- Totally. - Because like to me, the idea of like it just sitting there. and no one touches it. So like I buy it, the kids play with it. - I have a hard time. with leaving something in a package, right? Like, I don't do that. - Especially yogurt. - Especially yogurt. - Hell yeah. - I had yogurt this morning. - Skyr? Skyrs? - I had some Skyr. - Skyr. - It was incredible. - We need to get some of that Norwegian yogurt. - Yeah, I don't know what's going on over here. - Our next story comes from Am I The Asshole. This was posted this year. - Fresh. - "Am I the asshole for telling my best friend's stepbrother. "that he isn't a short king?".

(everyone laughs). Sorry, dude. You're 6'2". - Yeah. - I don't know what to tell you. So this is a 25-year-old man. "My best friend Oliver, who's a 21-year-old man, "and I have been friends for 12 years. "Honestly, we're more like brothers. "I think it's funny, my girlfriend Naomi, who's 25, "and I are, I think, pretty average for height. "She's 5'7" and I'm 5'11". "But Oliver and his girlfriend, Angela, who's 24, "are on a whole other scale. "Oliver is 6'7" and Angela is 6'2".

"We rarely talk about our heights, "but I bring this up because it's important. "Oliver and his stepbrother, Jim, who's 22, "don't have a great relationship. "They didn't really have the chance to interact. "Oliver used to live with his mom. "while Jim lives with Oliver's dad and stepmom. "Oliver would invite Jim to do stuff, "but Jim never accepted. "Anyway, Oliver's dad. "was having a little get together yesterday. "and he invited the kids that moved out and their parents. "Oliver, Angela, Oliver's stepsister who's 23, "and her fiance, a 25-year-old man, plus Naomi and I,

"and a couple other close friends. "Jim kept coming over to me. "and telling me that short kings should stick together. "He kept trying to say that he and I are short kings. "because Oliver is so tall, but we aren't. "We aren't short. "I'm 5'11". "If I had to guess, I'd say he's around 6'1". "After Oliver and Angela, he's the next tallest. "We're tall. "Oliver just happens to be extremely tall. "Anyway, the sixth time Jim started telling me that,

"I straight up said, 'Dude, you aren't a short king. "'You aren't even short. "'You're taller than almost everyone here.'. "And I guess that pissed him off. "because he didn't talk to me. "for the rest of the get together.". (everyone laughs). "I got an Instagram message from Jim this morning. "about how I humiliated him in front of his family. "and how he wanted an apology. "I just left him on read. "I told Oliver about it and he said I shouldn't apologize. "Am I the asshole for saying. "my best friend's stepbrother isn't a short king?". - What the (beep) is going on?

- He's the only person that's like, "No! I'm small!". (everyone laughs). - The only guy in the world like, "I just want to be tiny!". - Yeah, what are you talking about? - I think short kings has become like such a community. It's just, this is just someone wanting to be in a community. And you're ripping that. Also, Oliver, short name. Just want to say that. Just want to throw that out there. - He's 6'1". - I know. - He's 6'1". - Oliver, when you, close your eyes. Neither of you closed your eyes. (everyone laughs). Picture someone named Oliver. - Stayed glued to you there. - Picture someone named Oliver.

- I'm picturing a dog, honestly. - Oh, I'm picturing like a little like British orphan, you know? - You're thinking Oliver Twist. - Oliver Twist. - Think of a hungry British guy. - It's like even if he was 5'11", I'd be like, no, but all right. - That brings up an incredible debate. Is short king, like, is it relative to-. - Well, it is. - To people around you? - It is technically relative, right? 'Cause it is based on just the average heights. of human beings. And that varies by country. Like, you go to some of those Northern European countries.

where every guy is like 6'8". Then yeah, like if you're 6'2" you are a short king. - I'm not going there. - Yeah, we can't. - They start their days with Skyr. - Yeah, we can't. I think their urinals are like at our neck. - Like showers. Oh, what a lovely water fountain. (everyone laughs). - I just think it's funny that he's so mad that it's like, "Hey man, I'm sorry, you're tall.". (beep). - I hate to break this to you, dude, but you're not a short king. What the (beep)? - The (beep) are you saying, dude?

- It's like you're embarrassing me in front, the whole family's here. - (beep)! - You're embarrassing me. - Oh. - Yeah, I mean, I don't think it's relative to the people. who are in the room. - Yeah. - I think it's like, bro, this guy is something. I don't know what he is, but he's not a normal person. 6'7". What are you talking about? - Yeah. It's ridiculous. - I do think that we need to like really pick. what that word means. - It's fair. It's all over the place. - And people are like, "Oh no, it's a good thing.". But it's like, but you're saying it in like a condescending way.

- [Shayne] For sure. - So is it a good thing or a bad thing? I'm cool with eiver. Eiver? - Eiver? - Who is he? I don't know. I'm cool with either, but like we should know what's going on here. 'cause everyone be like, "You're a short king.". And you're like, "What the hell?". And just like, "Oh, it's a compliment.". I'm like, "I don't need this.". - But clearly this guy really does view it. as like a good thing. He wants to be-. - [Joe] Needs it. - He desperately needs it. - Absolutely. - You got to wonder how this guy called him out. 'cause maybe that's a lot of it. - I mean, we've all been there. where like someone has gotten under our skin to the point. where you're just like, "You're just, just shut up.

"You're not a short king, dude.". - Six times also is outrageous. Like, one time you're like, "Oh, I get it 'cause there's giants here.". But then like six times, like, "Dude, have another bit. "Say anything else.". - I think maybe this guy just didn't feel connected. to anybody in the room. and he's trying to relate to this guy. - [Frank] Exactly. Yeah. - And he's just like, "Here's our bit.". And then for the guy to be like, "(beep) you, get out of my face.". - You can't do six in a row though. - I don't belong... Yeah, no. - Just grabs him by the collar. You're not! - You're not. You're big.

- You're big! (everyone laughs). - It's clearly like a community thing. Like, this dude wants to be, he just wants to get like the short king love. He wants to be something and someone and-. - Maybe he has some 151. 'cause that might get him a little emotional. - Oh yeah. - I swear to God, I'm short. - I just want to be short. - I'll never be that. Like, this tall dude. What was the tall dude's name? - It's like Jim or something. - That's a tall name. - I'll be honest with you in the beginning of that story, I was like, if I have to memorize everything you just said, I'm failing-. - Sorry, we're talking about Jim is the one who's 6'1". - Jim. That's a tall, powerful name. - Jim does sound like a tall man.

- Oliver. - Jim. Jim. - I am Jim. - Jim. - Yeah, like, it just hits like-. - Woodsy. - It is woodsy. - Lumberjack. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then Oliver? - Yeah, what are we talking about? - What are we doing here? - He's wearing like an ascot. - He's like, "'Ello. "What are you doing down there?". - Please more, more. - The verdict is everyone sucks here. - Yeah. - Yeah, I also, I think that's fair too. I wouldn't be the person who's like, "We're not!". Like, what do I get out of that? I'm not with you! You're not short!

- We have nothing in common! - Yeah, yeah. - I don't like you! - See, I could see myself being, like I could see myself going home, not saying anything, going home and just being like, "Oh my god.". But then I could see myself having a couple drinks. and just being like, "Just shut up, dude.". - Yeah. - Yeah, I don't know. - I would feel like I would try to like give it. in like a more like soft way of being like, "Dude, like, hey man, you're pretty tall.". - Like, you're big. - That's cool. Like, you should love yourself for who you are. Like, yeah, dude. - Yeah, you like, you encourage him like a t-ball coach. No, you're good. You're good.

You'll get up there. You can jump. - You're pretty good. - Probably touch rim. (everyone laughs). - I like to think of this guy. who's 6'1" walking down the street. whenever he sees like a really short guy, he's just so jealous. - He's 6'1" going up to dudes who are 5'2" and being like, "Hey buddy, me and you, right? "Short kings.". And they're like, "(beep) you.". - Am I right? Like, leaning. (everyone laughs). - Hi. - He's like, "Aren't we the same?". (everyone laughs). Comments. "He was obviously making a stupid joke. "in comparison to Oliver's height. "He probably thought it was hilarious.

"to call y'all short in comparison to him. "since y'all aren't short. "The joke could probably land once, but he wore it out. "It sounds like you didn't pick up on the joke. "and took it too literally.". Someone replied to that saying, "I was also in the stupid joke camp. "I am saddened if it wasn't a joke.". Someone else replied saying, "I'm sure most of us have encountered some random. "or a family member making a dumb joke. "and wore it out hours ago and either grin and say yep. "and keep it moving. "or you're an asshole that snaps and says, "It's not (beep) funny, okay, Ted? "'We got it the first five times you said it.'.

"You hurt Ted's feelings and embarrassed him. "and all he was doing was trying to be funny.". And then producer note under this, Emily wrote, "Wait, who's Ted?". (everyone laughs). - No, that's super fair. - I think they were trying. to just like infer like a different situation. - Yeah, yeah. - I mean, this just sounds like an absolute nightmare room. to be in. - Oh yeah. - This just sucks. You're surrounded by giants. and then one person thinks they're a comedian. - [Shayne] Yeah. - You can't throw six in a row at me. because I will at a certain point be like, "We heard it.". - Yeah. - [Joe] You know? - What I do understand in Jim's perspective.

is going to a party, especially like if it's like a family gathering. where you don't know anybody, but you kind of know one person. or you kind of have like one slight connection. with one person. But you don't want to be that person. just like who is glued to them. But you're like, (beep), otherwise I'm stranded. - Well, I think be a normal person. and just follow them around like a dog. Like, don't just like say this joke 10 times in a row. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? Just kind of like find your way like, oh, okay. Just kind of be in the vicinity.

- Yeah. - But I don't know, five jokes in a row. Even I would be like, all right. - It's tough. - Like, I'm not that guy. Like, I'm not like, I'm the type of person I order food at a restaurant, it lands. If it's not what I order, I'm like, "Ooh, delicious.". I'll just eat it 'cause I'm afraid to be like-. - I am that. - Hey, I didn't order this actually. But someone tells the same joke to me six times in a row, I'm gonna be like, "Hey, got it.". - Hey. - Enough. - But see in that situation, you would look at me and I'd be like, "Enough.". - Oh. - Like, that's the dynamic we got. - Oh okay. That's convenient. - Frank could do something like this,

but only if he said it like the second time. and someone was annoyed by it, you're getting 100 of it. He's going to tell a joke 100 times. - Yeah, but like in a like a tongue in cheek reference. When we were younger, there was a time where we hung out. and there was just a bunch of people we didn't know. and I decided I was going to laugh like... You ever watch "Arrested Development"? - Oh yeah. - Remember when Joe, where he's like, (stumbling). And I decided I was going to do that the whole night. Pissed everyone off. Didn't matter. - Yeah, he did. - Did not. - You had a great night. - Did not matter. Also breaking up hula hoop games, hula hoop contests.

That was a... You gotta commit. If you know you're being annoying, it's kind of funnier for you. to know that everyone else finds you annoying. - Sometimes if you're lucky-. - Sometimes. - You can push far enough-. - Yeah. - Where it gets funny again. - [Joe] Yes. Well, that's what he does. - So maybe Jim needs to hit that eighth or ninth time-. - Yeah. - He will-. - Where you find the sweet spot. - Listen, Frank will dig through the center of the earth. to find that funny again. 'Cause the second one is like funnier than the first time. - Yeah. - But you really got to push through, but it's a tough road.

The thing, it was his bachelor party. and we were in Austin and we were at a bar. and it was like this outdoor place. There was a slide. And then there was like people doing a hula hoop. What's going on by the way? - Okay. - [Frank] Contest, yeah. - But they were like doing like a hula hoop thing, and Frank would just walk by. and pretend to be like calling for someone or looking. and like knock into people's hula hoops. - Oh, you're just ruining their-. - Yeah. Strangers. Strangers. - And like the first time it was funny. Second, third-. - First time was a mistake and he's like, "Oh, that got everyone to laugh? "Guess what? No one's hula hooping.". - This is their one time of year.

where they get to get together and hula hoop. - It got to the point where-. - And you were bouncing into them. - He told me like, "You're becoming a liability.". - I was like, "Frank, we have to leave now.". - Yeah. - Or I think I turned to someone else. I'm like, "I'm leaving him here. "I don't care. "I can't be around this.". - That's bough because you're the groom, so it's like, okay, we have to let him do stuff. - I'm not above leaving the groom. - They had to laugh at me. (everyone laughs). - We had to stop you. - Yeah. - Lastly, someone said, "Everyone sucks here. "Y'all too old for this.". And the last comment, "You all need to touch grass.". - Ooh. - Damn. Hit 'em with that. - Yeah.

- It's probably very easy for Jim. 'cause he thinks he's so small. He's like, "Can get right there.". - Oh, it's just right there. - It's not far. - It's difficult for Oliver. who has to like get on all fours. - Oh, breaks his back getting down there. - Being 6'7" is a joke. That's a joke. - It's silly. - Like, come on. - 'Cause you guys met Rhett and Link, and like Rhett, you see him and it's like, what are you doing up there? - I didn't like that. - [Shayne] No, it's not good. - I don't like that. Because there's two of them. - I will tell you this right now, the camera takes away like six inches from someone's height. - 100%.

- We have met several people and we're like... Both Rhett and Link. We did some stuff with Dr. Mike. He's tall. So many tall people. - You never really realize with YouTubers. 'cause they're mostly, they're either sitting down, you don't really get a gauge of it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You meet them and it's always shocking. - Yeah. - Dude, Rhett and Link, I just... Yeah, I just didn't really like that. We walked in, I'm like, "Both of you? Really?". Like, I get it, one of you, but both? Like, what are the chances of this? - No, truly working there, 'cause we were working like in their same studio.

for a couple years, and you'd be like in a room doing something. and suddenly you'd turn around. and he would truly come through the door like Gandalf. Like, "Hello there.". You're like, "Ah!". (everyone laughs). - We were at Mythical last year, and we met the first time and the first thing we said, we're like, "(beep), dude, these guys are so tall.". (Shayne laughs). And then I came back for like this Golden Globes thing, right? And you had to wear like a suit and like dress nice. So I'm in the hotel room with Greg. and I wore a burgundy suit. And I was like, in my head, I didn't say it out loud,

but in my head, I'm like, "There's a chance that the staff is wearing this color.". Like, it's just one of those colors. Sure enough, when I got there, the staff was wearing the color, and I was like, great. The first people we see, Rhett and Link. I'm like, Jesus! Now I'm dressed like the staff and I look like I'm an ant! I'm like, this is a horrible night. - Tough. - It's tough. Man, it's tough out here. - Tough for him. - It's tough for him. That was a really tough night. - Not for me. - All right, let's move on to our next story.

This next one comes from Am I The Asshole. This was posted in November of 2024. "Guy on New York City subway.". New York City! - Hey! - Oh, oh, oh! - That's a place. - "Guy on New York City subway refused to move his satchel. "from the seat next to him so I can sit. "Am I the asshole for sitting anyway? "I boarded the train after work during peak hour. "I noticed there was only one potential seat. "left in the train car. "This well-kept guy had a double seat to himself,

"wearing good slacks, designer leather shoes, "and a trench coat. "He was sitting in the middle. "and had placed his satchel on the left of him. "There was space next to his right, "but not enough for me to sit comfortably. "I tried to get his attention so I can ask him to move over. "He had his earbuds on and looked straight ahead as I waved. "I knew he could see me, "so I leaned a bit over to be more in his field of view. "He took his sweet time to look up at me. "I politely asked for him to move a bit over so I could sit. "He looked at me up and down, down and up,

"actively checking me out before saying, "'For you, I'd rather not.'. "I am a diagnostic medical sonographer. "having just got off a 10-hour shift at my hospital. "I had a long day, which included finding advanced cancer. "in an eight-year-old. "I wanted to sit. "And I said, 'Excuse me, seats aren't for your bag. "'or for you to hog to yourself.'. "He again checks me out in disgust before saying, "'I'm not arguing about a seat, "'especially with you looking like that.'.

"How was I looking? "Tired with my hair up in a messy bun. "I'm somewhat average built, thick legs, tall, "in case you were wondering. "So I said, 'I worked a long day just like you, "'and there's no way you're implying. "'that your bag is going to occupy a seat. "'before a paying passenger.'. "The vibe he was giving was very much a, "'You're not worthy to be in my presence, "'let alone sit next to me, peasant' vibe. "I was taken aback to be frank.". Frank. - Hey. - "He said...". (crew laughs). "He said, 'Like I already told you, "'I'm not arguing over a seat.'. "And then proceeded to stare ahead into the abyss again.

"in the attempt to ignore me. "The bitch switch was flipped at that point. "That empty space to his right, "I decided to wedge myself in. "I was sitting one way or another. "And as I got to do so, "he slides over so I end up brushing his lap. "and tried to push me from behind so I'd fall face first. "He was on that type of petty time, and I had the time too. "He was short, definitely not as strong as me. "So I stood my ground. "and wouldn't let him shove me face first. "He's actively pushing me forward, "and I'm forcing myself to stay in place.

"In the scuffle, his man purse fell. "and the seat to his left was now completely available. "So I sat like musical chairs. "And boy, did he not like that I won a seat. "He grabbed his man purse from the floor. "and decided to stand in front of me. "I assumed to try and assert his frail male ego, "I mean dominance over me. "After a shouting match in which he quickly realized. "that I wasn't going to back down from, "he then continued to go on a whole rant to himself about, "'Bitches gotta respect when they're not given a seat,'. "and a bitch like me is probably ran through.

"and no man wants bitches like that. "Oh, and the fat bitches like me should be walking home, "not taking a train.". - I'm sorry, what is going on? - I don't know! This is New York City. - No. - "Sorry, I consume food and not crack, sir. "I looked him dead in his eye. "and laughed at him the entire time. "He also did not like that, "but I definitely wasn't going to have him think. "I wouldn't bust his ass if it came down to it. "I grew up with boys, "and I definitely could have taken on his oompa loompa self.

"He ranted on and off. "throughout the entire 35 minute train ride. "Before he got off, he said, "'Don't get passed around too much this holiday.'. "And I laughed and said, "'You must have me confused for your mama, sir. "'Have a nice Thanksgiving.'. "Am I the asshole for making my way. "into a seat I essentially paid for?". - It's the greatest city in the world. (everyone laughs). It's the greatest city in the world. That is why you live in New York. - [Frank] Yeah. - You want that. - See, I understand why New York City could be overwhelming.

and scary for people. - Yeah. Yeah. - Because of stories like that. The subway is at times the Wild West. - Totally. - That is insanity though. I mean, I've seen, we've seen some stuff on the subway. That is... - I could tell you as someone who grew up taking the subway, if I go to sit down and someone's like, "No,". I'm getting off the train. - Whoa. - 'Cause clearly there's something going on here. and there's psychos on the train.

- Yeah. - So I'm not gonna play this game. I'm certainly not going to assert myself. and sit on his purse or whatever she said. - She's tired though. She worked-. - Yeah. - She gave her background of like the day she's had. - She's like, "I found...". - She's like, "I-". - I think she knew that she was like gonna get to the point. where she was also giving it back to this guy, and she'd be like, "You know, I did find cancer in an eight-year-old, "so like let's take it with that as well.". - I'm assuming she's in like scrubs or like medical-. - Assuming, yeah. - And I'm like, damn, so you're really gonna like deny a medical professional-. - How far we've come from when they were, you know,

New York was like, "They're heroes,". and now he's calling her a bitch. - It's literally, and it's also like. that scene in "Harry Potter". where Voldemort and Harry Potter are like, their wands are at each other. And it's like they're like pushing each other. And she's like, "I'm bigger than you.". And he's like, "I've got a purse and I'm a man.". - Yeah. From my perspective, he's like pushing her butt. Like, she's like fighting back. It's like, okay, wow, all right. - I really like musical-. - She also was trying to paint a very, a comedic picture. She's like, "His man purse fell.". Like, eh, we-. - All right. - She was short.

What was it? He was short and small and not strong. - Yeah. (laughs). And also not strong. - Yeah. - Yeah, no, she hates this man. - Oh yeah, I mean, I do too from the sound of it. - And what was it his rule? He said something-. - Don't be bitches for bitches be bitches or something. - Bitches gotta respect when you deny them a seat. - He started throwing out poetry. - Right. - Clearly. Yeah. - Yeah. - I mean, it was a beautiful haiku. - Yes. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He had written those down. - Yeah. - He got them from somewhere, but... I'd love to see what kind of podcasts he listens to.

- Right. - I think the LA equivalent is like when you're driving. Like, drivers in LA are crazy. When someone's doing some insane shit, I'm like, you know what? I'm not gonna try to win here because you might have a gun. And I'm scared of you. - Yeah. - So I kinda am, like I let people get away with shit sometimes. - The subway's one of those places like , there's almost, it's like, you ever see the thing. where it's like there's rules to like picking the urinal. in a bathroom? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like, if there is one seat open between two other people, leave it alone. - Yeah. - You don't take that.

- Really? - Because you don't know why that's open. There's oftentimes you'll get on the subway. and you'll see like a puddle of liquid of some sort. So like it's just best if you see-. - Might be for your own safety. - Exactly. So it's kind of-. - They're like warning you. - People also say that if you get on the, if you get in a train car and there's a lot of open seats-. - Get out. - Also a problem. (everyone laughs). - It's like, what's going on here? - It's too good to be true. - What's going on here? - Because like people that move into the city, they have to learn that. But like you learn it very, very quickly. Like, we grew up and it was like characters, man.

Character. Like, literally like what you see online. where like you'll sit down. and there'll be people like doing like break dance flips. in your face and stuff like that. - That's awesome. - Literally doing like- - I love it. - Like a back flip and it's like touching the, like the hair of your nose. (everyone laughs). And you're like... - It brushes your front hairs. - Literally. - That's so cool. - Crazy. - Have you been on a subway in-. - Yeah, yeah. I've been on the subway in New York several times. It's just intimidating. I mean, New York in general intimidates me. because I've grown up completely in the Southwest.

where there's just so much space. You're never like boxed in with other people, like moving around. So like in New York, immediately you come out. and you're just in crowds constantly. And everybody's so used to it. But in LA, we meet people, like every person you see, you kind of give the like, "Hey, how's it going? "Like, whatever, blah, blah, blah.". You have to stop doing that immediately in New York. 'cause nobody's doing it to you. And also you run into 20 people immediately. within the first five seconds. - Right. - Yeah. You can't say hello to 20 people on the street. - You cannot. - Also, I remember like one of the first times I was.

in Denver, I was walking around. and some random lady was like, "Good morning.". I was like, "What the (beep) was that?". - Yeah. (everyone laughs). - The (beep) does she want? - I don't have anything. What are you-. - No. - I was like, yo, we just left our Airbnb. and she said, "Good morning.". Like, she's coming back tonight. - Yeah. - Like, she knows we're staying there. - It's Colorado. You're up in the Rockies. You may not see someone for two weeks. - Yeah, dude. - [Shayne] You get lost. - Yeah. So I was like, "What the (beep)? "Good morning? What is that?". - That doesn't make sense. - Yeah. - I don't think I heard a good morning until I left, like 18 when I went to college or something like that.

Everything before that was just like, just grunts. - Totally. - You know? - Or just nothing. I remember the first time like I was in New York. and I went to like a CVS. I needed to just get some like random shit. And I truly was like, "Oh, thank you.". And I think the cashier just looked at me dead in the face. just like... - Well, like those pleasant... (everyone laughs). Those pleasantries at a certain point-. - You get so tired. - Are inefficient. It's just like, don't please me, don't thank you. because you're not getting it back. - And it's kind of refreshing. I was like, this is cool. There's almost more of a connection between New Yorkers.

in that way. - I mean, think about it like this. How long does it take you to say thank you? Half a second? Think of a half a second times 400,000 in a day. That's a lot of seconds that you-. - It's very true. - So like New Yorkers are just like efficient, you know? - [Shayne] That's true. - We don't need this. We don't need the pleasantries. - This episode of "Reddit Stories" is sponsored by Wayfair. It's back to school season, which means it's time to get your dorm ready. or give your space a little summer refresh. After a busy summer, I love getting everything back in order. and there's no better time to spruce up my place. before the holiday season begins.

That's why I use Wayfair. Wayfair's furniture is built for everyday use. and is designed to last. I recently got a new desk from them. and it feels incredibly durable and high quality. I was able to find a piece. that perfectly matched my style without going over budget. Wayfair makes shopping so easy with helpful search filters. and over 20 million verified five star reviews. from real shoppers. I especially love when people post photos in their reviews. It makes finding exactly what I'm looking for a breeze.

Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase. and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. ♪ Wayfair, every style, every home ♪. - Back to the show. The verdict is not the asshole, for her, that she stood her ground, she fought. - Oh yeah. - They're on her side. Comments, "As a lifelong New York City subway rider, "this took too long.

"Refuse to acknowledge you when asking for a seat? "Don't ask again, just sit, especially after a long day. "He had it coming refusing to acknowledge you early on. "I would've read into his outfit, sized up his knuckles, "do less work than you, and be ready to throw hands. "Enjoy the holiday.". - Size up his knuckles? I don't even know what that means. - Yeah. - Just like pull up your pants and like square up. - A lot of comments are thinking this story is fake. - I honestly got that a little bit. - Yeah. Someone else said, "You don't sound like you're from New York City.

"This argument wasn't that significant. "I've seen far more interesting things. "with no recording happening, "including recently a far more dramatic seat related one. "I'm not sure if it actually happened or not, "but your reasoning doesn't match the reality. "I've experienced plenty of times.". Someone said, "To be honest, this sounds perfectly Philly to me.". Oh. - Dude, Philly is another world, man. - Yeah. I've heard. - Philly is another world. - I've never been to Philly, but-. - Sucks. (everyone laughs). - He said it. I don't know if any Philly people in the house.

We apologize. - I just hate Philly, like, sports. - Well, yeah, they win the Super Bowl. and they destroy the city. - But also the last time I was in Philly, I got sick. and I was like, "(beep) this city.". (everyone laughs). - They (beep) did this to me. - I got a flat tire and I was just like, "This place sucks.". - Yeah, and he got a flat tire, same time. I was like-. - Find a way to blame Philly for everything. - It's a very interesting place. I will say the line about, like, where he's like, "Don't get passed around during the holiday season.". He was sitting there and he was thinking so hard, like, "I need to absolutely eviscerate her," or something.

And he came up with that? - [Shayne] No, he's-. - Sucked. - Don't have a lot of sex over the holiday. What? - Yeah. The (beep)? - Am I supposed to be hurt by this? - Lastly, someone said, "Fellow New York City strap hanger, "not the asshole all day. "He knows better than that. "That guy is lucky that you weren't a crazy person. "To be honest, I usually don't get into it. "with random people on the MTA. "because you never know if someone is unwell.". - Yeah. I mean, there have been videos that have come out. of, like, crazy stuff. - Oh, yeah. - Just do you.

You're not gonna... Whatever. I'll stand. - Totally. - I'd also rather stand. because there's the whole thing when you have a seat. At least for me, like, when I have a seat, I'm like, first of all, when the train is packed, you got everyone's balls, they're right here. I'm like, "I'm good. I don't need this.". - For sure. - And people are like leaning because the train is-. - Why are the balls at your eye line? - 'Cause I'm sitting down and they're standing. - And they're all 6'7". - Yeah, that's right. They're 6'7". - They're all really tall. - But it's like everyone's crotch is right there. I'm like, "I'm good.". Also then you get into this thing. where you want to offer your seat for somebody.

Like, I remember when I was in high school, I would sit on, when I would get on the bus, it would be kind of packed sometimes. And a woman would get on the bus and I'm like 17 years old. And this woman, I don't know, maybe she was like 40 or something, but I'm like, "Do I get up or is she going to be offended. "that I think she's like geriatric? "Like, hey, sit down, grandma, or something.". - Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah. So I'm like-. - Hold her hand. - I'm overthinking too much, so I'm like, I'll just stand. - There's also, I mean, the typical thing. with being on any form of public transportation. is like when you're sitting this close to someone,

like when it stops, you guys are going to like bang together. and rattle together. So just stand up. Just stand up and hold the pole. that has every germ imaginable on it. - And then lick your hand afterwards. - Lick your hand. - Let's build the immune system. - Get acclimated. - Get acclimated. Exactly. You know what I mean? - It's part of the New York experience. (everyone laughs). - Who doesn't love some cholera or whatever it's called. - What the (beep) is that? Is that a new one? - No, cholera's been around. - Cool.

- I'm not gonna tell you about it. Go figure it out. - All right. Our next story comes from Am I The Asshole. Posted in November of 2023. - A solid year. - I mean, yeah. - I don't know. What happened? - I don't remember. - "Barbie." Barbenheimer. - Oh, Barbenheimer. Jesus. Was that three years ago? - Will be. - I haven't seen either of them. - It will be. - They're good. - It seems messed up that you didn't watch "Barbie.". We watched "Barbie" for the culture, obviously. - Yeah, sure. (crew laughs). - So... - Out of respect for society. - If you don't watch "Barbie," you hate women. Just want to say that. - I want a lawyer.

(everyone laughs). - "Am I the asshole for causing a scene. "after I, a 23-year-old man, "lost a costume contest to a dog? "Three.". Put the age of the dog in there. (crew laughs). (everyone laughs). - The dog is three. - The dog is three, which is around the same age. So they're peers. We actually read this story about a year ago. in one of our live shows, but we didn't tape it. So I'm very excited to be reading this here. It's an incredible one. "I am genuinely losing my mind here.

"So I love Halloween. "I love making costumes and put a lot of effort into it. "My friend hosted a big Halloween party at her place. "and said there would be a costume contest. "for who had the best Halloween costume under $50. "Third and second place would win $25. "and first would win $50. "So not a huge money prize, "but enough to offset the price of the costume. "And to me, it was more about the fun of the game. "I wanted to win, so I pulled out all the stops. "and went as Zoro from 'One Piece'. "and only had to buy $40 worth of material. "When I got to the party, I saw other costumes.

"and there were some fierce competitors, "but honestly, I think I had the best costume. "I thought maybe it was too obscure to people. "who don't know anything about anime. "and that might not go well, but it was a good costume. "When the winners were announced, I got second. "This bummed me out kind of, but hey, I still did well. "And again, if I had went with something more ubiquitous, "maybe people would've got it. "However, the issue arose when they announced first place. "First place was a dog dressed like a pirate. "in one of those shitty Party City pirate costumes. "So if I had lost to another person, I wouldn't have cared.

"But I had a few drinks in me. "and my inhibitions were lowered and it was a (beep) dog.". - Yeah. - "So I out loud asked the host, 'Really? "'The dog won?'. "And she said yes and was gushing about how cute he looked. "I said that it was a dog. "and it didn't even have a say in what it was going as. "I told her that this didn't seem exactly fair. "She told me to lighten up. "and that it was supposed to be fun. "I told her that it's ridiculous. "she's about to give the $50 prize to the owner. "for spending 20 bucks on a cheap Walmart dog costume.

"when me and whoever was in third place. "actually made our costumes. "She got mad that I called her ridiculous, "and things kind of escalated into a full-blown argument. "that required my friend breaking us up. "I was then kicked out of the party. "for embarrassing the host like that. "So I don't think I'm the asshole. "because like obviously that's not fair. "If it was a dog costume contest, "but having a bunch of people compete. "and lose to someone's inbred bulldog is so (beep) unfair. "I think I was justified in saying what I said. "People there said that I should have just taken the 25.

"and called it a day. "Am I the asshole?". - This is an "I Think You Should Leave" sketch. - Oh yeah, 100%. - It's... The (beep) dog won? - What the (beep) is he even wearing? - The (beep) dog. - The dog can't even speak. (everyone laughs). Dude, that is so funny. Also-. - Just digging your heels in. - I am on board with this person. They are absolutely not the asshole. - Yeah? - I would've been right there, and I would've been veins popping out of my head screaming,

"It's a (beep) dog!". - You would've joined his pirate crew. - I would've been so mad. - You have to imagine he's drunk, dressed as Zoro from "One Piece.". - Yeah. - Fighting people. - The pride that goes into putting a costume together. - It's true. - Like, you put work into it, and to just be absolutely... Oh, I'm angry for this person. - I think there's something hilarious. about you're going to a costume party. and then as soon as you get in there, you size everyone up being like, "No, I got this shit.".

- Yeah. - It's like, bro, it's supposed to be fun. Like, what are we doing here? - It's for $50. - Yeah. - Like, yeah. The first place prize, you win your money back. Right? Like, that's kind of all it is. 'cause it's like, okay, it has to be under $50. So if you spend 50 bucks-. - The dollar amount doesn't matter. It's about pride. - It's pride. Oh, he doesn't give a shit. - It is 100% about pride. If I lose to a dog in anything costume related, I am absolutely-. (everyone laughs). - I immediately was like, losing in a race.

- Yeah. If I get outrun by a dog, I'm like, I think you should expect that. - Anything costume related. There's one thing that you could possibly-. - Scorched earth. - Specifically dog. - Scorched earth. I'm absolutely... And everyone at the party is getting it. If I see anyone defending that dog, your costume sucks, you suck. Every single person there. - He's like, "Shut the (beep) up, Batman. "Who asked you?". (everyone laughs). Dumbass. - Stay out of this, Green Lantern. This is between pirates right now. - Yeah.

- Yeah, 'cause the dog is also a pirate. He lost to another pirate. But like a shitty pirate. - Dude, and also getting kicked out. Like, on the way out, I'm just imagining, am I (beep) nuts? - [Frank] Yeah. - It's a dog! - Yeah. Like the kicking and screaming, dragged out of a party while the dog is just sitting there. chewing on a bone or something. - Yeah, everyone's like having fun and like talking. and like having drinks and he's like, "Is no one upset about this? "We're being robbed!". - There's a conspiracy going on here. - I mean, it would've gotten...

And I'm a huge dog lover. I love animals. In that moment, I would've hated every dog on the planet. 'Cause it would've been an affront to the human race. - Yeah. - You've won a costume contest, right? - I have won a costume contest. - What did you dress up as? - Yeah, that's a good question. What did you dress up as? (Frank laughs). - What is it? - I've won two costume contests. - Holy shit. - Yeah. - What was the second one? - First one was at our-. - You should let a dog win one. - Yeah. You got two in the bag. - Christ, man. - Honestly, no. I would've been so pissed. It was at like our second grade Halloween.

and I dressed up as Goldberg from WCW. (everyone laughs). - Wait, second grade? - Yeah. - Where? In a class? - No. We had like the Halloween dance at school. And I was Goldberg. And I won because I was in character. - I was giant and bald. - I was in character, that's why I won. I was walking around and I was like. You know. (everyone laughs). And then I won... I can't remember exactly what I dressed up as. - Oh, you know what? It's coming to me right now. He was Two-Face. - Okay. Which one? Like, from "Dark Knight"? - Like Aaron Eckhart.

- Okay. Yeah, yeah. - So it was like, it was a really good costume. He was wearing a shirt and he like burned it. So it was like half burned. - Whoa. - Or whatever. - And the pants, I like legit like lit them on fire. with Axe body spray. - Most importantly, half his face as well was... - No, no, no. Nope. We're very careful with what we say. It was a dark red. But in pictures, it can appear to be darker. - Yes. - Ah. Got it. - So if you see a picture of it, you're like, "What are you, Frank?". - It was a-. - And you won first place.

- I won. And let me tell you something. - So the judges-. - And if I had lost to a dog-. - Devastating. The dog just with a Riddler hat on. - I mean, I remember, it was at a bar. (everyone laughs). - Robin? - What the (beep)? - I was at a bar and it was like the prize was like, it was like $200 on bar tab. - Oh damn. - Yeah, and I had drank enough to warrant needing that. - Bacardi 151. - You know, but I did win. And I remember the other people there. were like Party City costumes.

It was like dressed up as like Smurfs and stuff like that. - Yeah, he walked in there. and he blew the roof off honestly. - You cared. - You also, you dressed as something. - I just put on like a wig. - A wig and glasses and that was it. - Are you not a big costume guy? - I mean, I didn't know that we were going out that day. - Oh. That's tough. - No, he's not. He's not a big Halloween guy. - I'm not a big costume person either. because we dress up so much here that I'm like, I don't want to. - That's fair. - This is my job. - I'm like, yeah. - I'm not like a huge Halloween person, but if I'm going to something, I think that you have to like dress up.

- Oh yeah. - Like, I'm not gonna go and just dress like this. and everyone's in costume. - I'm not gonna do that. - I'm above it. Like, no. - I gotta be respectful, but I'm not gonna, I'm not typically the one to put in a ton of effort. - Are there any costumes you've put like effort into. that you're super proud of? - There was a couple years ago... I mean, my wife really helped me like get into it. The Ryan Gosling from "Blade Runner.". - So you just dressed up as another good looking white guy? - Okay, no. We did like, we did the whole makeup.

and like we got the like-. - Oh, like a little blood on the side of his mouth. - Hey, it was a whole thing. - Because you got punched. - I had a nose bleed and I was hot. - We had specific stuff. - Who are you? Punched in the face? No, I'm Ryan Gosling. - Okay. Shit. (everyone laughs). The verdict was asshole. (Frank gasps). The verdict was like, hey dude, come on. - I forget what story we're on now. - We're on the dog. - Oh yeah, yeah. - Lost to a dog. It's like, hey, you gotta kind of, you gotta take it. This was their... Look, they didn't establish a ton of rules,

but, you know, the rules weren't laid out in writing. It was just like, hey, it's a costume contest. Now, if I'm going into a costume contest. and they tell me a dog is competing, I'm pulling out. 'Cause you're gonna lose. Dog is gonna win. He's the asshole because he took it too far. - No, absolutely. - I mean, you're there for the party. It's not to win $50. - Oh, that seemed to be all he cared about. - Yeah. - I have a question. Does this make me the asshole. that like it also would have depended on the type of dog? - Well, it's a bulldog. - I love bulldogs, love them. But like if I lost to like a Pomeranian or a Chihuahua,

I am furious. If it's like a, if it's a golden doodle or like a Labrador. or something like that, I'm less angry, still furious. (Shayne laughs). - Comments. "You're the asshole. "I respect the work you put into your costume. "for the money you saved doing so. "I also understand that you were frustrated. "with the whole situation and the alcohol didn't help, "but here's the thing. "You lost to a dog. "Get over it. "Your friend clearly likes dogs over people, "and regardless of what the dog was dressed as, "it probably would've won anyway. "You recouped some of the money you spent. "Apologize to your friend, the dog's owner,

"and anyone else you got into an argument with. "There will be other Halloween parties in the future. "Maybe just accept the invites. "for ones that are no pets allowed.". Someone else said, "Why did you think that the dog wouldn't win? "It's a dog dressed like a pirate. "You're a dude dressed up like a dude. "Of course the dog-". - [Frank] That's fair. - "Of course the dog was going to win. "If you had dressed like a dog, you might have won. "You're the asshole.". I love that he also, he was so mad he came home and he wrote this out. - Also gave the alternative. Like, if it was a dog contest and I pulled up. and I was Zoro and I won.

It's like, all right, dude. - Valid. - You're going crazy. - Be honest. - Yeah. - Would you be angry? - I'm trying to put myself in these shoes. 'cause I wouldn't compete. 'cause I don't care. - 'Cause you don't care. Yeah, yeah. - Trying to lace up these boots. (everyone laughs). - Sure, I'd be maybe a little annoyed, but I would not say anything. I would not be frustrated enough to say anything. - The only possible way that I would be upset. at something like this is if the prize was legitimate. - Oh yeah.

- Like if it was like a thousand bucks. and you gave it to a dog, I'd be like, "Bro, what are we doing here?". - Yeah. - But it's $50. - I think, I also love dogs. So if I saw a dog in a pirate costume, I'd be like, "You got to give him first place.". - Yeah, yeah. - Like, look at this. Look at this little guy. - Any other place, but second also, I'd be like, "How are you going to give it to that guy. "when this dog is right here?". - Yeah. Exactly. - You guys are better people than I am. - It's also kind of an equalizer. If at the party you're like worried of like, oh, I hope people aren't mad at each other. for who got first place. Give it to the dog, so that nobody's mad at...

Like, it's like, oh, we all lost to this dog. - Yeah, yeah. - You can't be mad at the dog. - And it's 50 bucks. - It's 50 bucks. - The dog isn't getting the 50 bucks. Its owner is getting the 50 bucks. and he's gonna use it on who knows what. - I mean, it's fine. It's fine. - I will say this, I will recant and apologize if the guy, if the owner, man or woman or however they choose to identify, says like, "I used that $50 to buy the dog a treat or food.". Then I'm like, "You know what? "Okay, you did the right thing.".

But if they're just like, "Oh, look, we went out to lunch and I had a steak sandwich,". doubling my anger. (crew laughs). - So you care what the people spend their money on? - Absolutely 'cause that's my money they took. - What's funny about this guy. is he's not mad at the dog's owner. He's mad at the dog. (everyone laughs). - Who even let this piece of shit in here? - All right, let's move on. Our next story comes from Am I The Asshole. Another one from 2019. "Am I the asshole for telling a friend's friend. "that he couldn't keep the jackpot.

"that he hit on my antique slot machine? "About $700.". (Joe laughs). - I thought it was gonna be like $700,000. 'cause you said jackpot. - Well, a jackpot on like a little antique slot machine. - Okay. - That he had in his house. - $700? - I'm aware of this story. I have read this story before long ago. It is a good one. "I had a party at my house last night. "I have an antique slot machine from the 1940s. "that is in absolutely spotless.

"and working condition in my living room. "My grandma was a showgirl. "She got it while dating a count room guy. "prior to meeting my grandpa. "Over the years, people have played it. "and maybe won a few quarters here and there. "Maybe a max of $50 at a time. "As far as I know, the jackpot was never hit on it. "So however it works, there was probably about $700. "in the jackpot reserve that had built up over the years. "I'd never bothered to have it cleaned out. "since it just seemed like a fun novelty. "Well, a friend's friend hit the jackpot last night.

"I was (beep) floored. "when he legit thought he could keep my $700. "His case was he'd been playing with his own money. "and I would've kept his quarters. "My argument was I'd be happy. "to give him his quarters back if he'd asked, "but I'm not a casino, "and while I'm not destitute, "I can't afford to give someone $700. "Argument caused the party to wind down. "and one of my best guy friends. "basically told the guy he'd be in real shit. "if he tried to leave with the money, "but the guy left threatening to come back with the cops.

"and sue me in small claims court. "I have no idea if that was realistic, "but no cops came back. "So was I the asshole for not letting him keep the money?". This is crazy. - What kind of person is this? (everyone laughs). - That is-. - We've got all sorts of like different sorts. of like old school villains. Like, guy who collects yogurt. - Yeah, yeah. - Guy who hates dogs. - From like the Batman 60-. - The gambler.

- Come in here and leave your money, but don't win it and I can't give you. Like, what are we doing? - Yeah. - It's not your money. I'm not a casino. Correct. So you have a collection of people's money. You're a thief is what you are. - I wish I could ask a lawyer though, if cops come back, he's like, "I was gambling.". It's like, aren't you all in trouble? (everyone laughs). - Exactly. Excuse me, authorities. We just ran an illegal gambling ring. - I have a slot machine. I'm like, isn't that... You would get in trouble if you're operating it. I don't know.

I don't know that shit. - Dude, I kind of agree with you there. - I would need to know. Now I would be pissed. There's a lot of different situations. If I had the slot machine in my house. and I was just putting quarters in it every day, and then a friend came over and put one quarter in. and then won all the money that I had been putting into it, I'd be like, "Hey, like that's... "I've been putting money into this thing for a long time.". But it's also like-. - I mean, but if you as the owner of the slot machine. are allowing other people- - Other people. - To play, you are in theory like relinquishing-. - Yeah. - The opportunity that they might win.

It might be a really small percentage. - We need to keep tabs on who all's putting money in. - So like either you don't let them play. and they don't get anything in there, or you do let them play. and they get the opportunity to win it. Right? Am I crazy? And that's $700. Like, that's-. - That's a lot of money. That's a lot of money. - $700 in quarters too. - And they're like doing it with the shirt. where they're like, (laughs). (everyone laughs). - They're like, "Whoa!". You need to walk over to them and be like, "Why don't we get you a steak dinner, huh?". Walk off with them. - We'll count that for you.

(everyone laughs). - Ooh. - I'm thinking about the feng shui of this living room. - Yeah. Where is it? 'Cause this has got. to be a pretty decent sized slot machine. - Dude, you know how good it probably feels. to crank that son of a bitch down? - A 1940s one. Well, they do, you still can crank them at like, you can also just press the button. - Stupid. - Just fake. - Dumb. - I hate the button. - I need the old school ones. Even the computerized ones, I'm like, these are, they're rigged. I'm never gonna win anything. - I'd like to crank-. - Whoa. - Pretty much everything. Oop. - [Shayne] Whoa.

(everyone laughs). - On camera? - Nope. (Frank laughs). Pretty much everything though. Like, if I could turn on the electricity of my house. with that like switch like that, I'm into that. - Like the Tower of Terror. - Yeah, like Frankenstein. Like that kind of thing. - No, it like sucks like I think about this. with like modern cars, how it's all like electric panel stuff. I miss like you want to, I want to like dial things. - We have said this. We have lost out on buttons, levers. Dude, levers are so sick. - I love levers. - We need them. - I also like the roll down of like-. - Oh yeah.

- (beep). - I want that as an option. - Because if I'm gonna yell at someone, the effort going into rolling this down-. - Oh yeah. - It makes it more like-. - You know what I need? You can keep everything. Give me back the phone. Give me back the, what? (beep). And just hang it up. You know what I mean? Slam it down, or like a payphone and you're just beating the payphone. - It's not the same. Like, being able to just be like, "What?". Bang! And then just the sound of the click. - Or like even a flip. Like, if we have to go there, like that's fine. - Or even like the old phones, like you can just, what?

Bang, bang, bang. - Yeah, dialing in. - Yeah. - Operator! - I slam it like de Niro. - We have nowhere to put our rage nowadays. - I know. Dude, I mean, slamming, I've done that so many times. just because like I just, it's for fun. Like I'm like in a movie. - You just press the button on your iPhone and then just. - Well, the iPhone is so wacky. - You break it. - Whatever. - It sucks. - It does nothing for me. It does nothing for me. - It sucks. - I mean, pillows, pillows get a lot of it in,

you know, in my house. - No, but you're talking about like-. - Scream into a pillow. - Tough like buttons and dials. - Yes. - Like, clicking things and stuff. - Oh, keyboards. Smashing keyboards. I broke so many keyboards. - Someone was showing like, oh, for their baby, they made one of those like busy boards. where it's a bunch of like things. And I remember looking at it and being envious of this baby. Of like, I miss that. I want that. - They have one where it like, it has like buttons, a knob, a, you know, like a dial that like clicks. - I have that.

- Do you? - I have one, yeah. I legitimately have one of these squares. My sister bought it for me. - No, it's (beep) awesome. I mean, look, I still drive like a 2012 Honda Civic, so it's still got all the buttons and shit. And I'm like, this is prime. - Yeah. - This is luxury now. - Absolutely volume should be on a... - Oh. - Yeah. - Just to like this. - I don't want to just be like... - Oh my god. - Or this. You know how like some of the steering wheels. have like the volume control on there? - Yeah, I'm not into it. - Bring us back to the times where we could crank.

- Crank it. - Yeah. - So maybe you could argue. if you are operating this slot machine, but you need to have this in writing of like, hey, you are paying money. to experience the joy of the crank. It's not about gambling. - There's so many other ways to explain that. - You get to crank it. - You want to enjoy this crank right in my living room? - Give me a quarter. - Are you cranking it in my living room? - Grandma, former showgirl, we know what that was. - What's going on? - (beep).

- Yeah, that's awesome. - In the 40s? - You know Grandpa hated that slot machine. - Yeah, yeah. - She's like, "This is my most prized possession. "Got it from my ex.". And he's just like-. - (beep) this thing. - Yeah. I feel like also if I'm going to my friend's house. and he has one of these things, and I'm like, "Oh, like a thing.". And he's like, "Yeah, you got to put quarters in.". I'm like, "No. What?". - Yeah, switch it for a tap or something. - How do all of his friends have quarters? - That's another thing. Who's got change? - Carrying cash? No way. - The verdict is asshole. Comments. "You're the asshole.

"You left money in the machine. "knowing people might win some of it.". - Yep. - "You were perfectly fine letting people use it. "as though it were real. "and keeping their money if they didn't win. "and let the jackpot build. "And now that someone actually won, "you don't want it to be real anymore.". 15,000 up votes. Someone said, "I think this is the best comment here. "Originally I was going with not the asshole. "because I thought it was a bit tacky for the friend. "to think he should get a payout from a novelty machine. "that's in someone's home. "But I think you're right. "and I agree with you're the asshole. "OP knew there was a possibility. "of someone hitting the jackpot eventually. "and never made it clear with his friends.

"what his expectations were if anyone ever hit it. "And if he never intended to pay out any winnings, "then he should have had a policy in place. "where he gives people their losses back. "instead of keeping their money.". Someone else said, "Not the asshole. "I don't usually post in here, "but seeing everyone claim you're the asshole. "for not giving this dude $700 seems asinine to me. "He could not have had the same expectation here. "as he would in a real casino of winning a bunch of money. "I doubt it is even legal anywhere in the US to do that, "so why would he expect it at some guy's house? "You weren't exactly smart about this or previous times,

"but you're not the asshole for not giving him $700. "I'm assuming that you didn't rack up the 700 plus dollars. "from other people's money. "If so, then you are running an illegal casino. "and not only do you owe that guy the $700, "but you're also treading thin ice. "that the cops don't bust down your door. "In the future, don't let people play with their own money. "Clean the machine out. "and let people play using your quarters. "There will never be hard feelings that way.". 11,000 up votes. - Who's that dork?

(everyone laughs). - That's a guy who knows casino law. - Hey, you're skating on thin ice here. The police get- - Hey, buddy. - Shut up. - Well, that's Grandma's ex-boyfriend that said that. That's exactly who said that. I used to work in a count room. - I know this stuff. We have an update. - Oh! - So OP made a lot of edits and updates to this post, up to 12, so we've picked some of our favorites. and trimmed for time. Okay, so he wrote, "Edit. "Sorry, guys, I can't answer such witicisms. "as why are you so shitty? "Because I've been banned.

"Wow, so since I'm a baby gangster. "who has been running an illegal gambling operation, "both things that have been said, "I might as well just go whole hog and start running guns. "and pimping underage Andean alpacas. "to people who would pay for the privilege. "I'm really that bad? "I just thought I had a cool thing my step-grandma got. "by banging a dude from the count room.". - Got it. (Joe laughs). There it is. - Jesus Christ. "Edit three, gotta address this one directly. "If this was really last night, "give it a week or a month and see how many friends,

"especially mutual friends are no longer talking to you. "Forget our votes. "Listen to those. "Also forget small claims. "You need to worry more about hearing. "from your state's gambling commission. "And he was lying about much he put into the machine too. "He said $75. "Who the (beep) walks around, much less. "even gets $75 in quarters. "when going to a party at a stranger's house. "And in addition, "I will gladly, gladly call our state gaming commission, "Arizona, and ask what trouble I might be in. "I will also update on when I can.

"People can't be this dramatic in real life. "I'm a ducking Instagram influencer for my job. "The phoniest, most vapid, saddest job a person. "can have right now. "And I'm still blown away by some of these comments. "Call me you're the asshole all you like, "but don't be stupid. "and claim to have knowledge you don't in the process.". Edit number seven. - Jesus. - This guy. Holy-. - Oh my god. - (beep). I think he's getting asshole. 'cause everyone's just like, you, just stop. - Shut up. - Relax. - You're chronically online. - If you're bringing up the gaming commission, I'm out.

- Yeah. - Condescending like, "Oh, I'm a baby gangster.". Like, ew. Now you are an asshole. - And then he brought up he's an influencer. And so we're all just gonna hate you now. - Immediately. - The most vapid job you could have. - And listen, I am an asshole! I'm the worst person anyone knows. Edit seven. "Info, we need to know where the money came from. "Did the money in the machine come from you putting it in. "or playing the machine? "So this is all guesswork. "based on what my grandma said the jackpot could hold. "There's a window that shows the coins in the jackpot. "The space behind is about the size of a big shoebox.

"She said it gets full at $800. "It was more than half. "when she and my grandpa gave it to me. "I always guessed $500. "In five years, it's now seven eighths full. "I play it from time to time, "so I'd say $100 of that is mine and $100 is friends. "I think the jackpot. "and normal payouts come from different boxes, "so last night was the last night. "I've ever seen that window empty. "I know nothing of the machine or how it works. "or how to change settings, so I may be so wrong,

"and a slot machine nerd could correct me. "if I'm way off base.". Edit number 10. "This dude wins the comments for all time.". Someone commented, "I bet you look like Jared Fogle or some shit.". (everyone laughs). Jesus. - Oh my god. - People hate him. - I mean, and yeah. - Yeah, well, I bet you look like a pedophile, man. How about that? Hit you with that. Edit 11. "So the plot thickens. "Thank you to some very helpful people who own slot machines. "who DMed who are also able to suggest experts in my area.

"I was able to call a local person. "who works on antique slot machines. "My slot machine is highly customized, "but it's based around a pretty well-known model. "from that era. "Don't want to say exactly. "because only a few of them exist anymore. "And he said I could tell right away if the machine. "was broken or had been tampered with. "In my very, very, very amateur job of checking it over, "it does appear that this little piece is either broken. "or misplaced. "So it looks like this piece of shit guest. "actually broke my machine to steal my money.

"There wasn't a jackpot at all. "I don't have confirmation of this. "until the repair guy is able to come later this week, "but it looks like that's what happened. "The guy said there's an outside chance. "that if that piece was broken or tampered with, "that it was an accident, but he wouldn't bet on it. "I still don't care if I'm the asshole. "till the cows come home. "Posting here has probably allowed me. "to get to the bottom of this and (beep) that guy.". Final edit, edit 12. - This is wild. - And we are skipping other edits. - There are more additions here. than there are like "Harry Potter" books at this point.

- It's kind of like, hey man, maybe you're not the asshole for the situation. You're the asshole. just kind of as a person. - Just in general in life. on Earth. - Just as a person. - Also, I don't care, I don't care. 12 edits. - Oh yeah. - You care. - You care. Edit 12. "While the amazing and levelheaded moderators of this sub. "just ever so politely informed me. "that I will not be allowed to update this post. "So the short story is the winner almost certainly. "was hitting the machine. "and caused the jackpot to spill out. "So had I been a real casino, "I would've enacted the malfunction voids all pays.

"and plays clause. "So yeah, I was totally in the right. "(beep) the sub, (beep) the moderators, "and (beep) those of you on your stupid high horse. "Most of you, however, were cool.". (everyone laughs). (beep) you, (beep) you, (beep) you. - Some of you, pretty rad. - Most of you guys though, you're friends. - You guys are good. Everyone who agreed with me. (everyone laughs). I mean, it's just-. - This guy is sweating at his laptop. - Dude, I mean, I would pay $700 to not care about that.

That's crazy. - I mean, I guess-. - They've now learned the law. and like the name of the clause. - He took a class. He went to law school. - If I'm the person who won the $700, at that point I'd be like, dude, keep it. Like, relax. - Also, I guess influencing is not going well. A lot of time. Lot of time. - Yeah. - A lot of time. - Yeah, a lot of time. Hey, man. - If this is from the '40s, people collect like vintage coins and stuff like that. So if there are coins from like the '40s and '50s in there. that are worth something, you know-. - Yeah, some of her grandma's ex's coins are in there. - Yeah, they're...

(everyone laughs). - There's "Pirates of the Caribbean" treasure in this thing. - There's cursed coins in there. - Yeah. - All right. Our final story. - Oh boy. - All right. We've been saving this story for a long time. So you guys should be thankful. - I'm very honored. - Honored, honestly. Yeah. And nervous we might mess it up, but that's another-. - No, no, don't worry about it. This comes from Ask Reddit, and this was posted in 2022. "How would you get a small cylinder, "5.1 inch length, 4.5 inch girth,

"unstuck from a mini M&M's tube filled with butter. "and microwaved mashed bananas?" (laughs). - This is- - Who did this? (everyone laughs). - I can't finish it. - Can we go from the top? - Yeah, sorry. - So I can get all of the ingredients. - I'm also gonna be doing measurements here, so... - Yeah, go ahead. - "How would you get a small cylinder, "5.1 inch length, 4.5 inch girth,

"unstuck from a mini M&M's tube filled with butter. "and microwaved mashed banana?" (laughs). I'm gonna say that without laughing. "Filled with butter and microwaved mashed banana.". - Yeah. - Yeah, huh. - Yeah. So that's the post. - Keep reading. Oh, that's the whole post? - Well, he's asking a question. - Oh. - He's asking a question, how would you get a cylinder. out of a cylinder? - Yeah, I mean, I think, you know... He's (beep) the hell out of that thing. (everyone laughs).

- 100%. - He's... He's going to town. - There's no cylinder. - And also, yeah, and also, M&M cylinder. Call it a butt hole, dude. (everyone laughs). You stuck something up your butt. and you're trying to figure out how to get it out. - A mini M&M's tube filled with butter. and microwave mashed banana. Well, we have a bunch of comments here. and I feel like the story-. - Oh yeah, we do. - OP is extremely active in the comments.

- He's desperate. - [Shayne] He's desperate. - Multiple accounts. - I don't think there's, no matter how you interpret this, it's a bad situation. - Yeah. - You probably should go to the hospital. - Probably on the line with like an MD clinic or something. - But he's saying it's a cylinder. - Yeah, yeah. - Saying it's a cylinder. - Aren't they all? - Allegedly. - Yeah. So someone commented, "LMFAO. "The comments OP replies with are hilarious. "It's your (beep), bro. "You stuck your (beep) in a mini M&M tube of butter. "Go take a cold shower and relax.". OP said, "It's a cylinder.".

(everyone laughs). - Hold on. No one's talking about my penis. It's a cylinder. - My penis is unrelated. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Cylinder, guys. - It's a cylinder. - Right. - Someone said, "Does the cylinder go all the way to the end of the tube? "If not, it might be safe to create a small hole. "in the plastic at the very end to equalize the pressure.". - Who's this guy? - Another guy who's (beep) a mini M&M tube.

- Spent a lot of time in like high school chemistry class. - He spent a lot of time in M&M tube. - Let me ask you a question. You up against the back of this thing? Is it vacuum sealed? - You blowing the sides out or like scraping the back? - So what are we looking at here, huh? - Yeah. - OP responded, "I don't want to risk a blade. "coming that close to the cylinder.". (everyone laughs). - Hell yeah. All right. - The cylinder must not be harmed. - Of course. I mean, it's sensitive. - It's sensitive. - I love how he also had the exact measurements.

of the cylinder. - Right. - Where he's like 5.1. Girth of four point something. - 4.5. You know, that's how a cylinder typically is. - That is correct. - I do appreciate that the mashed banana. was microwaved as well. - Yeah, you got to appreciate that. - I mean, well, they're going for realism here. - It's the details. - Yeah, they're trying. - We actually had a story we read in a previous episode. where a guy was talking about that. with a Pringles can filled with banana peels. - Who is this? (everyone laughs). - Who is that? - Who is...

Who are you talking to? Is this Andre the Giant? - So that's Oliver from the previous store. - He was putting his foot in it? (Shayne laughs). So I have this five gallon compound bucket. - Imagine you're at the snack aisle of a grocery store. and you're looking between the Pringles cans. and the mini M&Ms bottles. And the guy's like, "Need any help?". - Well... - That's a very humbling decision to make, just like-. - Which size are you looking for? - There's gotta be something in between. - For the cylinder I'm looking for...

Someone said, "Wait.". OP said, "It's been three hours. "The cylinder hasn't changed size yet." (laughs). - That's the-. - He's admitting at that point. Like, the cylinder changes size. - Right. - Yeah. I mean, maybe, you know, stand out in the cold. for a couple minutes. - Oh yeah, yeah. - Heat and cold does things scientifically to things. - But the problem is if the pressure's there, it's gonna be-. - There's a constriction. - It's a vacuum. - [Shayne] It's a vacuum. - It's more of a ring.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Really holding in the blood. - No, but like between the end of the cylinder. and the M&M thing, that area right there, like you could split the atom. with the amount of pressure in there. - Yes. That's a full real vacuum. - Yes. - Yeah, yeah. - I wish we had a mini M&M's tube here. - So maybe I just haven't had one in a while. - Are they still around? - Yeah, you pop the top like a-. - [Emily] They're little. - Yeah, they're not very like-. - Well, okay. Emily, sorry. Emily, you said they're little and you went like this.

- Yeah, she's like, "They're little.". - What M&Ms tube-. - Excuse us. - 'Cause there are the ones that you get for the holidays. Do you know those? Like, the clear plastic. And those are like long. - It's out of control. Like, they have like the candy cane. - And they kind of have like the top. that's like a character or something. - Yeah. Those are too big. - Absolutely ridiculous. - They hurt. - They're overkill, some might say. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably. Yeah. Way too much. - Don't need all that. - It doesn't fit or whatever. - No, a mini M&M's tube, some would say not mini. - Some would say...

Fair. - Well, all jokes aside. - Yeah. - The mini M&M's tube, the way that I'm thinking about it right now is mad small. - I was thinking like, they're like this. - They're like this. - The mini M&Ms tubes? - Brother, brother, brother. - No, they're like this. - They're like this. - No, no, no. I'm talking about the opening, dude. - Oh, the opening. - They're small. - It's pretty small. 'cause yeah, you can barely get like a finger in there. - That's what I'm saying. So how would you possibly-. - You definitely can't get two fingers into there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I actually do think-.

- I mean, you can. - When I'm trying to eat my mini M&Ms, you kind of, you can't like, you don't pull the M&Ms out, you just kind of like-. - Two fingers? How (beep) hungry are you? - I'll be honest-. - Starving. I love mini M&Ms. - Attacking it like a honey badger. (everyone laughs). - Like Winnie the Pooh. He's just like, "Give 'em!". (Shayne yells). - Turn it upside down. - I'm honestly shocked. that they don't come with a hole in the back of them. because like there have been instances. where like candy and toys, they'll have like-. - Where like cylinders get stuck in. - They can get like stuck over like the mouths of people.

and it could like cause breathing issues. That's a real thing that happened. - Whoa. Jesus. - It happened with like Poke Balls in like the '90s. Remember like the Burger King Poke Balls? (Joe laughs). - I love how people are nodding their heads. - Everyone is nodding. Thank you so much. - They all know exactly. what you're talking about. - In the '90s, Burger King had like Poke Ball toys. that came for like the movie that came out. And someone put it over, a kid put it over their nose and mouth. and it suffocated them. - The ones that had the gold cards inside of them? - Or like smaller ones, but so they-. - I collected all of those.

- Yeah, me too. - I had them all. Dude! Let's go. ♪ Collecting ♪. - They put holes in the back of them now. so it doesn't do that. Remember like the-. - Yeah. - Challenge that people were doing? The same idea. So I'm shocked that mini M&Ms don't have that, so like you can just rip this thing right off of your crank. - I don't think that they're planning. on people (beep) the life out of one. (crew laughs). - You have to assume some dude out there is gonna try. - Yeah. - A lot of people are like saying yes to that in the room. What is going on with the people in this room? I imagine that when M&Ms as a company, Mars, I think is-.

- Mars. Yeah, you're correct. - When they establish like, you know, listen. (Shayne laughs). What if we make it in this tube? One person had to have raised their hand and just say, "Guys, do we know what we're doing here?". - Yeah. - And they said, "You're a pervert.". - Yeah. - And he was like, "All right.". - Yeah. - Fine. The one scientist at Mars was like, "We gotta be really careful with what we're doing here.". - I'm shocked this person had to ask for help. Butter and mashed banana, that's a seasoned tube sex haver.

(everyone laughs). Like, this person knows what they're doing. This ain't the first time this has happened. - Yeah. His whole pantry. - You don't start-. - He's (beep) everything. - Yeah. You start down the food pyramid and you land-. - You land in that guy's pantry. If you're a container of some sort, the tube of Jif butter is like, "First time here?". (everyone laughs). Welcome. - Yeah, you get used to it. Don't worry. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyways, there's one final comment left by OP. and he just said, "Hospital.". (everyone laughs). So... - Yeah, you gotta-. - You gotta go. - You gotta bite the bullet and you gotta go and be like, "All right, listen, there's a cylinder. "somewhere on my body.". - And you know the doctor's just like, "Just let me see it.". Like, the doctor has seen it before. - The doctor's probably so chill. - Yeah. - And it's just like, wow. - There's a lot of that that actually goes on. Like, I know through someone that I know. who's a doctor. - Sure. Okay.

- Yeah, I'm trying to... - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - How many degrees away from me can I get? - Goes to another school. - No, it's one of my brother's friends who's a doctor, and he used to tell him stories all the time. He's like, "Yeah, some guy came in. "He's got like something in his anal cavity.". - Totally. - You know what I mean? So these are probably, it's not that crazy if you're a doctor. You're like, "Yep. Okay, what do we got today? "Tube? Yep.". - Yeah. No. It's just normal for them. - Have we gotten any updates since. or as far as we know, they're still in the hospital? - They might still be there. The cylinder is...

We don't know the state of the cylinder. - I have a question for you. - Yeah. - Say you do this. - Okay. (everyone laughs). - Where's this going? - All right. - You keeping that as like a relic? - Collector. - Am I collecting the tube I (beep)? - Full circle. It's not yogurt. But like, do you hold onto it. and you just like keep it on your mantle. and you're just like, "I won.". - Keep it on your mantle? - You would have to assume. that the doctors are able to remove it. without having to take it apart. - He put it back together. - You put it back together.

- He-. - I'm throwing that thing away. and I'm never telling anyone ever. - Really? - Also on the mantle with like your grandma's ashes. - Oh, so what's the M&M tube? I wouldn't want anyone to ever see it or touch it. - It's for you. You don't need to tell anyone. - I don't need that either. - It's a special-. - No. No. That's a collection I definitely don't want. - Yeah. - Anyways, we're ending on that note. - Unbelievable. Thank you for saving that for us. - Of course. No, I'm glad we did. Thank you guys so much. This was a blast. - Thank you.

- This was a blast. I'm very excited. You guys are gonna be on. or have already been on other stuff on Smosh. - Yes. - So I think you're gonna be on the Games channel, "Smosh Mouth.". We're gonna have more fun. But this was awesome. - Thank you for having us. - Thank you. - Thank you so much. - Thank you for saving that wonderful story. - Of course. - And for giving Frank ideas as well. Thank you so much. - I'm gonna text you pictures of exotic yogurts, I find. Just so you know. - Oh, I thought you were about to say-. - I'm not having sex with any tubes.

- You said I'm gonna text you, and I was like, what? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Okay. Yogurts is fine. I'll accept that. - But if you ever come over and you see a mini M&M tube. on my mantle- - Scared. - You know what happened. - I'll be very scared. - All right. - All right, anyways thank you both for being here. and thank you all for watching, and we'll see you next Saturday. Bye! Thanks again to DoorDash. for sponsoring this episode of "Reddit Stories.".