Updates ONLY | Reading Reddit Stories

- Hello and welcome to "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.". I'm Shane, and today's theme, updates. Yeah, it's a good one. And before we get into these stories, I have an update for you. Later today, we have our 100th episode, our live show, and you can get tickets at live.smosh.com. It's gonna be a 4:00 PM Pacific Standard Time. Get your tickets, check it out. And if you're busy today, you can still get your ticket. and then watch it anytime until March 23rd.

It's gonna be a doozy. - I totally can't wait. - It's gonna be a doozy. - It's gonna be... - It's going to be a doozy. - We won't be able to go back there again. That's the true. - Yeah. (bouncy music). Ian, Damien. - Hey. - Hello. - Hi. - Thank you for being here. - Hey, we're happy to be here. Updates are... I mean, it truly is like the greatest gift to mankind. - It's the bread and butter. And from what I've heard, butter might come up later. - Do you think when like... Do you think like in the '50s...

- Yeah. - after the atomic bomb, the guys that worked on the project, it was like, "Update: hydrogen bomb.". - Ian, you started this the most Ian way possible. - Hey, butter. That sounds cool. - I've heard that one of the stories later involves butter. - What's y'all's favorite butter? - I mean... - Drop it in the chat. - I like standard or Irish butter. - Irish butter's good. - I once said Irish fed butter,

I think, in like a Smosh meeting many years ago, and someone's like, "What do you mean grass-fed butter? You don't feed the butter. It's the cows.". I'm like, "It's called grass-fed butter.". So yeah, Kerrygold. - [Shane] Okay. - Yeah, I got Kerrygold at home, but butter from the Brittany region of France, very good. - Whoa. All right, fancy man over here. - That's some high-grade butter. The little salt on the top? - Yeah, it's some good stuff. All right. Let's get into our first story, shall we? - Yes. - Yeah. - This one comes from relationship_advice.

and also BestofRedditorUpdates. "Ex-boyfriend and I were van-lifing across country. He kicked me and all my stuff out last week. I am now two states away and have his dad's watch. He's demanding I deliver it to him.". - Oh my God. - Okay. - There's a lot to unpack there. "So yeah, like the title says, we were both remote workers. and decided that we could van-life. and see things while still working. We lasted about a month, and last week he flipped out over the way I sipped my coffee.

and told me I had to leave. I thought he meant like we would pack up. and figure out how to get me home. No, he meant I needed to get out with all my shit. in the middle of a state park in New Mexico. and figure it out. I was scared and pissed, so I hurriedly packed everything and got out. A very nice older couple had heard the screaming. and saw me with a pile of my stuff. and asked if I needed help. I said yes, and they said they would drive me. to Albuquerque in their RV. and we could figure out what would happen next. Well, it turns out they're the sweetest people ever,

and we eventually came to the conclusion. that it would be easier for me to travel. with them home to Kansas. And now they've allowed me to stay. paying them insanely fair rent, food, et cetera. I just have to edit the wife's book. and help the husband with his guitar playing. Well, it turns out in the hurry of packing, I grabbed my ex's watch that was his dad's. I got in touch with him and told him I was sorry, it was truly an accident, and I had no intention of keeping it, how would he like me to get it to him. He said I needed to meet him in Utah. I said that was ridiculous, I could send it to him.

He said that it was too valuable to trust to mail or FedEx. and needed to be hand-delivered. I said I was in Kansas and not coming to Utah, but I would return the watch to his brother. when I go home in March. He said no, the only solution was for me to drive it to him. I said I didn't even have a car. He said, 'You're probably (beep) half of Lawrence. Use one of theirs.'. At that point, I blocked him. The watch is pretty valuable. and has a lot of sentimental value, and I will return it. It was my oversight that I have it in the first place.

What are my obligations. to follow his instructions to get the watch back to him? - Whew. - I feel like she's asking. more like on a legal sense. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Like... - We're both lawyers. - "Do I have to give it back to him?". - Yeah, okay. Here's a great way to try to get your stuff, belittle the person, and say that they're (beep) like a whole city? - Yeah, I don't know what is what he's thinking there. - Like, she has the watch, brother. - Yeah. Well, beyond that, we don't know the story that led up to it,

but I can't think of many things that would justify. abandoning somebody in a place that they have no resources. Like, if that nice RV couple had not come along, that would've been a very dangerous situation. It already was. - 100%. 100%. - Like, so many things could have gone wrong. So yeah, in my mind, he owes her. I know this is BestofUpdates, so it could be like, "Ooh, I'm a werewolf, and he didn't know I was staying in his van. in the first place, and he heard the coffee, and that's 'cause I was hiding.". - Look, this is the thing. She's a nomad.

There's no way he can find her. - Then why is he so angry? (Shane laughing). - I... - Or /nomad. - Oh, I get it. - He's not mad 'cause he's... - Wow. Okay. - Yeah. Thank you. - [Shane] Pretty good. - Sorry I'm a little slow. - Was it really the coffee sipping? - Oh, it sounds like they got on each other's nerves. immediately. - Yeah. - They lasted a month van-lifing. - Oh, that's right. - But van-lifing, it's like... Living together with someone is a huge test. Living in a van?

- [Ian] Yes. - Down by the river? Together. - Yeah. - Oh. No, insane. Like, that's a lot for some people. It clearly was too much for them. - I think a lot of people are sold the fantasy. of van life without the reality that comes with it. - [Damien] Yeah. - It's tough. - It's all pushed by big van, by a really big van. It's a bus, really?. - Yeah. - This guy is a massive jerk. I mean, for one, dumping her off just randomly. in just some place.

- I wouldn't do that. - And just leaving her there without a car or anything. - I wouldn't do that to somebody. that I was even, like, remotely close to. - I think there's nothing that can justify that. Like, even if a second comment related to something like, "I found out that you, outside of our relationship, slept with five of my closest friends,". you can be as mad as you want. You don't abandon them in the desert. And I understand that's hard, but you're responsible for their safety. - She's extremely lucky. - And so is he.

- Lucky that someone was able to like pick her up. - It's the beginning of a horror movie. - Yeah. Lucky that someone was able to pick her up. And lucky that the people who picked her up. weren't serial killers. - Yeah. - I mean, like it's this... - Or anything else. - [Damien] Yeah. - Yeah, it happened to be a sweet old couple. But like... - What if it's editing the wife's book, but it's bound in, like, people's skin? - Yeah. - Okay. We kind of glossed over that whole part. that she was gonna edit her book. and do what for the husband? - Help him play guitar. - What is going on?

- I know. This is a lot. - They're not real. It's like a Tom Bombadil situation. where they just really need breakfast, and it's like, "Well, welcome to the land of plenty. I'm the spirit of Middle Earth itself.". - She might still be in the desert. and she's hallucinating all of this. - So we'll get into some comments. A lot of users pointed out that this reminded them that... They were making comparisons. to what happened to Gabby Petito, which shows the severity of this type of situation. Other people said, "You gave reasonable options. Let's say he files a police report that you stole it.

You have proof that you contacted him. and asked where you could send it. He declined.". - Yeah, it's hard when you're really trying to compromise. and someone won't wiggle at all. and eventually you're like, "I guess that's it.". - Yeah. - Yeah, I mean, if you took this to Judge Judy, I think she would rule in the woman's favor. - Totally. Someone said, "I'd say she needs to stop catering to him. She has his brother's address. Send the watch to him, provide him with the tracking number, and be done with it. 'I've sent the watch to your brother's address. Here's the tracking number. It should be there in X amount of days.

Do not contact me further' is all she needs to do. For a guy who stranded her over sipping a coffee, she doesn't need to bend over backwards. for this small of a mistake.". That's what I agree with. - And you can also have the receiver sign for it. - [Shane] Yeah. - Yeah. - And if there's nobody there, then they come back later. - Yeah. Someone said, "The guy abandoned you. You offering to mail it to him. is honestly an impressive move on your part. He's continuing to insult you. after you made that very reasonable offer. Do not meet him in person. If you do, you're potentially putting your safety at risk.".

I agree with that. Lastly, someone said, "Leave the watch in the middle. of some state park like he did to you.". - Yes. - Ooh. - Yes. Petty revenge. - There's the argument of being like, !I don't have the watch.". - Just an iced-out lizard. (group laughing). - A photo of Sasquatch. and it's like, "Whoa. He's got bling.". - He's got the (indistinct), you know. - Okay. What do we think is gonna happen next? Do you think she's gonna mail the watch? Do you think she's gonna keep the watch?

Or do you think she's gonna go try to meet him? - Oh gosh. - Are those our only three options? - It could be a secret fourth option. - Since this is an update, something tells me... I feel like if she mails the watch, then the story's over. So I don't think she's gonna mail the watch. - Okay. - I think she might meet him somewhere. - I think she's going to go to mail the watch. and she'll get like called back. Like, "Can we talk to you about this package real quick?". Like, I think there is something about the watch or what...

- You really think there's drugs in that watch. - Not that there's drugs in the watch, but like we already know that sipping coffee is either, this is an unreliable narrator, which I don't feel right now, or he was up to something. where it's like, "You're acting weird. and you're gonna draw attention to the van, and we've only been doing this for a month.". Like, there is something involved. that would tie him to something, a murder. I don't know, it just... - Interesting. - He really wants that watch hand-delivered. that doesn't want the feds involved. - You're expecting a reveal. - There's gonna be a reveal.

- Some character development on his part. - Or is it gonna be that the book and the songwriter, they're somebody that we know. We're like, "Oh, it's Dr. Seuss. and it's Simon and Garfunkel.". - Okay. Here we go. Well, so lots of...". This update came a week later. "Well, so lots of mixed advice, but most people said. the best option was to contact his brother. Before I did that, I decided to unblock my ex. just to give him one more chance to give me an address. where I could ship the watch. Actual text conversation.

'Me: Hey, I'm sorry I blocked you. I just didn't appreciate the insults. But I want to get your dad's watch back. Can you let me know where to send it? I'll pay for shipping. No problem.'. Like less than 30 seconds later, he responds. 'I stashed the watch in your bag. because I wanted to prove to myself. what an awful person you are. And good job at proving me right again.'". - That is such bullshit. - It doesn't make sense. - That is... - Manipulative. - She literally contacted being like, "Hey, I have your watch. Can I give it back to you?".

- "Oh, but you won't do it in the exact way. that requires you to drive across the whole country, huh? Now we see who's crazy.". You know he just (beep) up and the watch got misplaced, and he is like, "Actually, it was a test. It was a test and you failed. And you're a bad person.". - I actually believe he did put the watch in there. - Seriously? - I think it's a manipulation tactic. Now, it doesn't really matter, I mean, at this stage, 'cause I don't think she should ever be. in contact with him again. She needs to stay away from him. But I think it's very likely that he's telling the truth.

as a means of kind of like keeping her close. - Keeping contact? - Yeah. - [Ian] Yeah. - It also doesn't make sense. Doesn't make sense. He's like, "You proved me right. You're a bad person.". And she's like, "I'm trying to give it back to you, dude.". - Yeah. - Well, I gotta say tests always work. Relationship tests always work out in Reddit stories. - Test everything everyone all the time. - All the time. Trick people too. If they tell you something happened, tell them it didn't happen. - Yeah. - After he sends that, she writes, "I was like, wow. So many people in the original said. that he probably put the watch in my stuff as I was packing.

in order to force communication. and force the opportunity to see him again. Well, you were exactly correct. I didn't even respond to his text and blocked him again. I have no intention of keeping the watch, so I decided now it was time to contact his brother, who, along with his wife, has always been very nice to me. He was super appreciative, and we spent a couple days. going back and forth figuring out the shipping. But the watch arrived to him on Friday and all is good. He even Venmoed me $1,000 for being so honest, contacting him, et cetera. I make really good money,

so I told him it wasn't necessary at all. But he insisted, so we agreed to donate it. to a food pantry here in Lawrence.". - That's awesome. - "But I'm still so creeped out thinking about the day. when he kicked me out of the van and he was screaming at me, calling me all sorts of names, and scheming to stay in touch with me. He was slamming all my stuff into bags, but that was cover for him hiding the watch. The fact that it was so deliberate, yet he thought of it so quickly, is so scary to me. We got along so well before we left, and he always seemed like such a great guy.

I don't know if the confined space of the van is too much. for any couple or if it brought out a side of him. I didn't know was there. Makes me sad and scared at the same time, but relieved it's over. - I wonder how... Sorry. Go for it. - I think we're about to say the same thing. - Like, how long were they together before they went... - I know. We don't have that info. - 'Cause t's like you didn't see any kind of signs. and this just happened once you started van-lifing? - It's tough, man. I mean, with so many relationships, people... You have those blinders until you don't.

- Sure. - You have those blinders. until kind of like the bad thing happens, and then you're now aware of that. Like, it's almost the difference... Frankly, it makes me think of what we talk about. with so many age gap relationships, when an older guy is dating a younger woman. and it's like, they're probably not going for a woman. in her 30s because she has dealt with a guy like you. - She can clock. - And now she's gonna clock it, so you can't get away with that. But I think it's different for every person.

- I also think I would question. how spontaneous that was when she's like, "Yeah, I just thought of it spur of the moment.". But we're forgetting that he was like, "Ah, the coffee. You're sipping the coffee.". Like, I don't know, and I don't wanna get like too personal for anybody else, but like, if you've ever been in a relationship. where the other person starts being a little bit like, eh, and all of a sudden it's like, "Oh, dinner. You just want to have dinner on a night,". and you're like, "I don't know what this is,". and then later there's something behind it. - Sure. - That for me is like,

it sounds like he planned this whole thing of like, "I'm gonna kick her out and then have her come back, and that's how you do this.". And the fact that he's just like, "Coffee? You are drinking it with your mouth lips? Get out.". Like, that's so made up. - Yeah. - By him. - Well, I'm glad she's out of it. - Yep. - Happy ending. And she got $1,000 out of it. - And she got a...? Who gives somebody $1,000 for just like a simple task? - So we believe from the comments. that it might've been a Rolex.

- Okay. - [Shane] Which... - But still like, it's just like she just shipped... She still just shipped a watch. And they're like, "Here's $1,000.". Like, they're not gonna get $1,000 from the brother. - But it's also their dad's watch then. If it's the brother. - It's the sentimental value. The brother cares about it. It's a whole family thing. So... - And that's the thing that Bbno$ has for the brunch, and he has the Patek for the show. - Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. - He's got the Rollie for the brunch. - Crazy. - You're best friends with him now. I can just say it. - Yeah. (laughs).

- I didn't know that's what he said in that part. - Yeah. He's got a Rollie for the brunch and a Patek for the show. - Okay. I always say thought, (raps indistinctly). - Yeah, he said it. Yeah. - Yeah. Damn. He's gonna claim us now. Now he's gonna take all the money from this episode. - Yeah. And then he's Baby money man. - Now, he's Baby with money. - Baby with money. - Baby (indistinct) and he's, "Money called and reloaded.". - Okay. Our next story comes from phcareers, a subreddit dedicated to careers in the Philippines. - Oh, I was like, "Pharmacy?".

- Yeah. And it ended up on BestofRedditorUpdates. "My boss just haha reacted to my message. asking for a raise.". - Ooh, you gotta kill him. Or her. I don't know your boss. - "I posted here a while ago asking if having 13K. as a salary as a software developer was enough. I'm a graduating student and this company hired me. after my internship. When I accepted the role, I expected to do. the same tasks I did during my internship, so I thought the pay was fair.

But then they gave me more complex tasks, like creating a payroll system, which meant studying thousands of lines of code, hundreds of tables, and the whole process from scratch. Mind you, it's just me and my senior in the team. I took it as a challenge and slowly learned to enjoy it. But now I feel like the minimum isn't enough. because I'm handling so many projects. and my tasks have leveled up a lot. Today I finally got the guts to message my boss. to ask if a raise was possible. I was polite, just asking if it could be considered, and explaining why I felt I deserved it.

She just haha reacted and even sent a heart eyes emoji. I don't know if it was sarcastic, but I was just asking a simple yes or no question. I didn't even mention a specific amount. Now I feel like I'm being treated like shit. As much as I want to leave immediately, I still need the money. But this really motivated me to start looking. for another job as soon as possible.". Okay. According to one user, $13,000 in the Philippine peso.

is close to 224 American dollars. - A year. - So they're not being paid 13,000 USD in the Philippines? They're paying 13,000 Philippine pesos? - Philippines pesos. - Got it. - Yeah. - Which totals 224 American dollars. - We'll have to assume that it's probably not great wage. - Now, well, and she's not happy with it. Right? - But also Philippines mention. (Damien imitates fireworks). - I hope somebody just puts a lot of like stuff.

- Hell yeah. Like a halo-halo. Yeah. Yeah, Jollibee. - So she texts her boss going, "Hey, can I get a raise? Would a raise be possible?". And the boss texts back, "Haha. Heart eyes emoji.". - Yeah. - "Haha.". - I don't understand the heart eyes emoji. But I mean, when you texted me for a raise, I sent you the little monkey emoji. - You did. - And I felt like that was pretty clear. - Yeah.

- "Dance for it. Dance, monkey, dance.". - Yeah. Yeah. - "Dance harder." - "Dance, you man.". That's weird. I feel like the haha would've been disrespectful on its own. But the heart eyes makes me think, did they mean to respond to this message? - It might've been an accident. I'm getting the sense that this is an accident. - I think I made two mistakes in the past few minutes here. One, I went too crazy detailed. with what I thought the update was, is two, I don't think we're supposed to be solving. a mystery here. I think I'm just supposed to listen and talk about it.

So I was like, "Maybe she was actually...". - "What's going on here?". - You have the answers. - Let's read these comments first. "Your boss is deflecting the conversation at hand. 13K, as you're already aware is too low, especially as a starting salary. Immediately drop your job as your priority in life. and prioritize getting a job that knows your worth.". Someone else said, "Save up. while planning your exit strategy. Don't make it obvious.". Lastly, this is translated from Filipino. "Those who work at McDonald's are paid even more.".

Okay. So I wanted to get a baseline of like, "What is this?". And so it sounds like this person's really getting screwed. They're making payroll systems. They are... - [Ian] Yeah. - learning whole lines of code. They are having to teach themselves new skills, and they're not being compensated for that. They're being absolutely used here. and disrespected by their boss. And at the very least, it might have been. an accidental text, but the boss should have followed up. by being like, "Sorry, that was an accident. Let me consider your proposal.".

- I would agree. But even those... Like, I have had moments where I will be scrolling, like, "Where's that text?". And I'll be like, "Oh, I never texted my friend. Who did I text?". And then I'll scroll down and be like, "Oh, I sent that. to the wrong person like a week ago. They must have been so confused. And now this other person must be mad at me.". So, at best, I think they were like talking. to someone completely different at the time. and just picked up their phone, responded, and then... - Yeah. - I could see the haha being the response. - I could see it. - I mean, it's not a good response. - No, it's a bad response. - But the heart eyes.

I think the heart eyes might have been for somebody else. But I think we'll find out very soon. Very shortly. - I'm gonna throw out one more before we do. - Okay. - I think this boss. is actually being so supportive. The haha is like a belly laugh, like, "Haha!". And then their eyes are hearts 'cause they're like, "I love that you've come into your own. and found your worth." - Oh, that's cool. - They're like, "I was gonna pay you dirt. until you recognized what you're worth.". - They're like one of those weird TikTokers that are like, "What do you think your tip should be?". And they're like, "Just 20% is fine.". And they're like, "I would've given you a $1 million. And that's the lesson. You should have known.".

- Damn. - Damn. I can't believe that content exists. - It does. - It's very real. - [Damien] It's very rough. - Okay. Update from two days later. "Thank you for the advice and for giving me a reality check. Here's an update on my story. I waited two days for a proper response, but I guess that was her response. Regardless, I had already planned to resign. and was just looking for another job to transition into. Just a day after posting this, I was able to quickly land. an international client from OLJ. OLJ is an open-resume and job-posting board.

who is paying me four times my monthly salary.". - Okay, so it was monthly. - It was a monthly salary. - [Damien] Still. - "The task seems easier than my usual work, at least in theory. But I still have some concerns since the tools are new to me. and different from what I am used to. However, I believe we grow the most. from challenges that scare us. And stepping out of our comfort zone. is where real learning happens. So, thanks for motivating me to apply. Haha. I immediately submitted my resignation. My boss later replied apologizing for the late response.

and saying she was actually considering my request. She could have mentioned that when I first asked, instead of just reacting with a haha. and an emoji, though, LOL. She then asked if I could at least work reduced hours, as many of their clients had started with me. That made me smile because, suddenly, she saw my worth. Yet when I initially asked for a raise, it seemed like I was not even worth a simple reply. Not even a two or three-letter response like "yes" or "no.". Unfortunately, I did not do what some of you suggested,

haha reacting to her message or replying with just an emoji. Instead, I told her that I had already made up my mind. and kept it polite because I did not wanna burn any bridges, as I still appreciate the experience. I gained from the company. Thank you all for helping me realize my worth. I have learned my lesson. and will never go through that again. - Aw. Yay. - Very nice. - That's very heartfelt. - That would've been so funny, though, to just be like, "Haha.". - Yeah. Yeah. - "Haha.". - I think that would've fallen under the category, though... It was a few Reddit stories back, when you were like, "And then on the plane everyone cheered.

when I said this thing. And I stood up and everyone was like, 'Yeah.'". That would've been too much. So... - Yeah, I like what Spencer said of like, "When you go all Reddit on them." (laughs). And it's true. It's like you see some comments living out the fantasy. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And it's like, I respect what she's doing. where she's like, "I'm leaving.". - Keep it profesh. - They're screwed over. on like a real level. - [Damien] Yeah. - I can just walk away. and not have any sort of like... - Absolutely. - Yeah. 100%.

If the only thing holding you back. from your entire company falling apart. is one person googling, "Am I getting taken advantage of?". like, not the best system. - A lot of companies. - And I mean, even if that boss was considering a raise, there is no way it was gonna be even close. to what this person's making at this new job. - No. - [Damien] No. - It's like, yeah, just like... I think that was a really good move of just being like, "No, I'm just gonna keep it professional. I'm just gonna leave. No drama.". 'Cause I think like some people,

they really want to have that moment. - Yep. - And it's like, you don't know where you're gonna be in five years. You might need a reference. And you wanna leave a good impression. when you leave a place of employment. - I agree. Not that the person doesn't deserve it. It's just a matter of being strategic. - Yeah. It's your career. - It's an investment. You are sacrificing a little bit. of personal satisfaction now. to be like, "And another thing.". But you could really benefit later.

- Totally. Especially like as young as that person is. You don't know where you're gonna be in 10 years. - Totally. - Well, it sounds like. even after they graduate, they're still a student. - 'Cause they're always learning. - Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah, dude. - And everyone clapped. This next story comes from relationship_advice. and also BestofRedditorUpdates. - Okay. - All right. Expect an update on this one. Well, the last one was just very sweet, but I remember where I started. versus like, "And I got a better job.". - So this could be crazy.

This is a 24-year-old woman. "My boyfriend, who's 30, keeps disappearing. into the bathroom for an hour or more. with a stick of butter. And the butter is gone when he finally comes out. - Oh no. I was like, "Guys, look, he could be...". Oh, it's gone. - Because at first I was like, "Look, I love Infinity Nikki. Final Fantasy VII Ever Crisis, like the mobile games are on point. Fire Emblem Heroes. I can be on the toilet. - [Ian] Right. - But the butter? - I hear about some people really go into the bathroom.

and they're there for like an hour. - I used to have stomach problems. But even before then, I would do that. As a teenager, I would have my PSP and just be like, "This is like a PlayStation in my hands. I'm just going to keep being here.". - I haven't seen this in probably over a decade, but there used to be like magazines in bathrooms. - Sure. Yeah. - And I'm like, people really sat in like red magazines. - Well, you didn't have a phone. - Right, before phones. You're just like chilling in there. - [Emily] "Reader's Digest.". - "Readers Digest." - "Readers Digest.".

- Is that what it's from? - [Emily] That's why it's called that. - Stop. - No way. - No. There's no way coming... - It's "Reader's Digest" 'cause it's from the bathroom? - [Emily] I believe so. - That's such... - But Emily, if that's not true, then you need to go on TikTok and lie, and spread that lie everywhere. - You gotta go time travel and have a tight five. - That's so believable. You're like... Are we gonna get an update? - She's so locked in right now. - Someone told that to you and you believed it, and you have held that information. - This is like an Oceans... - Yeah. How long have you been just going around... - Did someone tell you that in middle school, Emily?

(group laughing). Emily, I love how often that happens to all of us. - Okay. But guys, guys, guys. All right. Look, we have a big audience here. Now, we have the chance to do something really funny. - We can do this. - Everyone go out right now. and tell people it's called "Reader's Digest" because... - Because it used to be in bathrooms. - it used to be in bathrooms. So you're like digesting your food and you're reading.

- Yeah, yeah. To everyone watching and listening, let's spread a huge lie. - Let's do it. We don't do that enough here. - Here's here's the deal. Emily, one, loved the enthusiasm. with which you were sharing a fun fact. And I'm sorry that it turned so strongly on the sign wave. straight to the other direction. We all have done this, though. It's the thing where it's like, "Oh, you swallowed your gum. That's gonna take seven years.". It's like, "No. No, it isn't.". And then when you really think about it, you're like, "Oh, there's no way. If I ate a quarter, I'd poop it out.". Like it's all those things.

Can I say, Emily said that to us with so much conviction. - Yeah. - And she immediately goes on the computer, and it's like when they're in the elevator in "Severance.". I watched her entire perspective on life shift. - [Emily] I've been living a lie. - That's an easy one to hold for a long time, 'cause when do we think about "Reader's Digest"? - Never. - Never. All right, let's get into this story. - Yeah. Let's see if this can top... - Before we get into this, what's happening with the butter? - I don't remember what happened. Oh, okay.

I was like... - The boyfriend is going into the bathroom. with a stick of butter, he's in there for an hour or two, and comes out with no butter. - I'll tell you exactly what it is. Man just loves butter. And he is embarrassed about it. I think he's just going in there... - And eating butter. - and he is just going (imitates sucking sound). Like, you know the hotdog shooter? - [Damien] Yeah. - Somehow that's the most innocent option here. I guarantee that's what's happening. Some people just love butter. - I'm gonna pull the (indistinct) link. because that was what I was gonna guess. But now to keep it interesting, I'll keep it the opposite.

I think the man has a hard time with digestion issues. and he has the thought of just... - Greasing it up? - I was gonna say greasing it up. But honestly, no, I think that's rough. I think... - That's awesome, dude. No, keep that theory. - I was gonna say it with full conviction, but I really, honestly, I think he's just eating butter. - Okay. We got... - I think he needs gamer fuel. I think he's playing a mobile game and he needs energy. - Two votes for eating the butter. I'm just gonna say he is doing something else. - Shane, one way or another, it's going inside this man.

I don't know if he's eating it. or it's making its own way down. - He's made of butter at this point. - He's just like, puts the border on the his skin. - Yeah. That movie was influential to a lot of people. - Oh no. - Okay. Okay. "I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. and we finally moved in together. Ever since we moved in, I have seen a new side of him. It's a very odd issue. and I can't wrap my head around what to do. At first, I started to notice. butter was disappearing quickly.

I assume maybe I lost track of how much we had. or maybe he was cooking when I wasn't around. I don't know. But one night a few weeks ago, I saw him try to stealthily take a stick of butter. from the fridge, which I pretended not to notice. And he took the butter with him into the bathroom. Now, I have noticed my boyfriend spending an hour. or more of time in the bathroom since we moved in. But I never saw him take the butter before. I was so confused. When he came out of the bathroom about an hour later, I saw no sign of the butter. But I also saw he did not put the butter back in the fridge.

It was gone. I tried to subtly keep an eye on him, and over a week he did this three separate times, and each time a stick of butter disappeared. Finally, I said one day, 'Where did all of our butter go? I hardly used any this week and it's gone.'. He pretended to not know. and said maybe we had forgotten to buy it. I said, 'No, we had four sticks before. Now they are gone.'. He just acted like it was a mystery. and said, 'Guess we should order up some groceries.'". - He began sweating profusely and said, "Butter. I hardly know it.".

Then he ran out the front door. - He's sweating and she's just like, "Yeah, that's butter.". - Oh, I read something about some guy. that was eating a ton of like meat and butter. and cheese and like... - That's keto. - He was sweating out like white stuff out of his pores. It might be... - I'm so mad that I know that. - And do you know that "Reader's Digest...". - [Ian] No. - Yeah, yeah. "By now I was getting very confused, so I ordered groceries and made a point of saying, 'Good to finally have four sticks of butter.

This should last us quite a while.'". (Damien laughing). - And he's just like, "Haha. Yeah.". - "He made no comment. On the first two days, whenever I used. a small amount of butter, I would remark about how much butter we had left. Finally, one day I saw him do it again. He took a stick of butter into the bathroom, was gone for an hour or so, and came back with no butter. I couldn't believe it. So when I made dinner, I acted shocked. that one stick of butter was gone. He said maybe we only had three, but he knew I'd been making a point of it.

The very next day, another stick of butter was gone. I listened at the bathroom door and heard sink water running. and thought I heard moaning noises. I was so confused. Finally, this time when he came out, I said. I know he has been taking butter into the bathroom. He got all flustered and said I must be mistaken. But I said I had literally seen him take butter. into the bathroom and come out without it, and that I know he's been lying to me. about the quantity of butter in our fridge. He then started apologizing for being misleading,

but said let's just not talk about it. And when he saw I was getting mad, he said, 'What if I just order my own separate private butter?'". - Just tell us what you're doing with the butter. - Or if you have a butter shame of some kind. You need to have your own private stash in the first place. Don't start the... - But as a partner, I would need to know, 'cause I'm worried about this person's safety. - I know. - I think you all just need to talk to your partners. Like, that's half of these Reddit stories, is like,

"I was trying to solve the butter ass mystery,". and I'm like, "Just ask him now.". - He's saying he doesn't wanna talk about it, but he goes... So she's like, "I was like, 'Okay, but what are you doing with the butter?'. He asked me to promise him. to never ask about his butter activities again. and to just put it behind us. He said, 'Just look the other way on this one thing'. and stressed how it is not a big deal at the end of the day. I was like, "Okay, I guess,". but I have been so confused and even disturbed about it.

Like, what is he doing with the butter? Why was he lying about it? Why won't he tell me? I don't even think he's eating it. because he is not an overweight guy, and I feel like if somebody ate that much butter, they'd become hefty. But he shows no signs of it. I'm just like, 'Who is this guy?'. Am I overreacting? It is just so odd. I see him in a different light and I'm not sure what to do. Should I just ignore it?". - That's insane. You caught him butter-handed. - I think, unfortunately, this is a similar... We had a story about a jar of peanut butter that you know.

- Okay. - Oh, wait, wait, wait. I think I... - I do remember that story. - Yeah. So they were doing gay stuff, right? Did I get that... - They were doing peanut butter stuff. I don't know. - Did I... Oh, I thought there was some other story we listened to. where it was like people in a room. and they're like, "Oh, it's so good.". - Oh no, that was with trying hummus for the first time. - Oh, it was the hummus. - Yeah, I lied to my parents (indistinct). - That's right. - Link to the episode but... - No, so there was a story where a roommate.

was using a peanut butter jar for reasons, and then putting it back in the pantry. - [Ian] That's insane. - So my inclination is to believe this. - But also like, how was it? - We don't know. But my inclination is that this guy is using the butter. for sexual purposes. - Yeah. Here's my question. She's obviously looking around the bathroom. after this, being like, "What the (beep) happened?". Like, "Can I figure out with my Sherlock mind space.

what is going on here?". Where's the wrapper? Butter you cannot grab a just stick of and go. There is a wrapper. - That's true. That's true. - So unless he's discreetly unwrapping it, that would be... I don't think you can flush like a waxed paper. - No you shouldn't. - Not good. - Well, you could. - Not good for those pipes. - Yeah. - I'm also amazed... - Not good for his pipes. - He's not eating it, right? - No, we don't know that. - People moan for sure while eating. I do it. - She's saying she doesn't believe he's eating it, but the butter is gone. - Yes. - Now she is saying that she's heard moaning.

- And the sink running. - And the sink running. Now if he's not eating it, how he's making the butter completely disappear is... I mean, this is "The Prestige.". - The true magic trick. - They need to get Penn and Teller on the phone. - Yeah. - She also did have the line in there of like, "I just can't believe," and I was like, "It's not butter.". Like, it's too well set up. So much of this is very, I will say, like properly written. of, "You must be mistaken about the butter.". This is all weird. - I mean, if I was a nurse, I'd be like, "Yeah, he put it up his butt.".

Because nurses, they find all sorts of crazy things. up people's butt all the time. - People be doing that. - But not butter (indistinct). - But I'm still thinking dude is just eating butter. and he's just ashamed of it for some reason. I mean, there's a lot of people that have fixations. on certain kinds of foods. My friend eats rocks. So, like... - Is your friend from "Never Ending Story"? (group laughing). We clocked the same thing. - No, I was gonna say he was a mountain goat. because that's all... - No.

- They like salt and they lick rocks. - Pigeons also eat stones. - And pigeons make milk. - What? - Pigeon milk? - Yep. - Interesting. - Okay. There was one comment. Someone said, "Okay, what the (beep)?". And someone replied to that saying, "Butter is the (beep).". - Butter might be the fuck. - Before we get into this update, there's one producer note here left by Emily. And she says, "I learned a lot today about butter stuff". with a unhappy face. - Butter stuff. - So the comments had a lot of theories.

We're not gonna read them. - Can I guess one more thing? - Go ahead. - So sorry. She said she heard moaning, but she may not recognize his moaning. I think under the sink there is a horrible monster man. - And he has to feed him butter. - He has to feed him butter. 'cause that's the most calorie dense. - Okay. - Oh. - That's possible. A little troll down there. - I have a theory but I don't need to express it. - I think we're about to find out anyways. - [Ian] Yeah. - All right, update. - Are we finally getting it?

Are we finally uncovering the mystery? - So this is posted a day later, and it's posted to "Today I (beep) up.". "Today I (beep) up by confronting my boyfriend, who kept secretly bringing sticks of butter. into the bathroom for an hour or more. and coming out without the butter. This morning I said, 'Look, yes, you should buy private personal butter for your activities.'. But I said, 'I need to know what you do with the butter.'. He got very quiet and then he said, 'Fine. I'll tell you just this once.'.

And he told me. He told me everything. I was so mortified and confused. I cannot tell you what it is, but I will say it is a sensual activity. Extremely sensual. It is definitely an inappropriate use of butter. I cannot even type what it is due to how graphic it is. On one hand, it's just butter. But on the other, I can no longer see him the same way. I am staying with my parents.". - Oh, no. - "To make matters worse, a friend of his found my other post.

and sent it to him saying, 'LOL, this must be about you.'. I guess he used to do it in college too, and he is furious, and now other people I know in real life. know what he does with butter. He is angry at me. for exposing his butter-based proclivities. Now I have probably ruined my relationship, and everyone knows my business, causing me shame and humiliation. I can't believe what he does with butter, though. And I don't think I can be with somebody. who does things like that.". - You can't say, "I can't believe...". - She said it like nine times. - Yeah. - Yeah.

- "I consider it a momentous (beep) for me. to have ever confronted him about it. This is my mistake because I can never unknow what I know.". So that means that she... - Oh, man. - She'd be fine not knowing this and continuing... That just knowing it, she can't continue to be with him. - Yeah, because that changes your whole way. you see somebody. - It's Pandora's butter. - Unfortunately, my brain is just thinking. of every single possibility.

- I'm thinking of like two different. I can't think of that many things that are untypeable. - There's something I'm thinking of, but... - Yeah, I think he's lubricating something. in the bathroom and then using it. - Making the water go down the sink faster. - Yeah, exactly. - Yeah. Look, taking the oddness. of this specific proclivity aside... - I hate it. I hate it. - No, it's unusual. Sure. In a relationship you are entitled to privacy. You are entitled to still have your own separate life. But there has to be communication.

There was no communication, and obviously something happening, and there's a break in trust there. And I'm being so real about this. When she was like, "You're doing something. that you can't tell me about. And it makes me uncomfortable because you're in there. for a long time, and I'm not allowed to know, and we live together.". And supposedly, they would keep living together. for the long haul if everything works out. - [Ian] Right. - So it is a lack of... Like, yes, whatever it is, is something that I probably haven't heard of before. and it's unusual and we're laughing, and like, I get it.

But it does... You just have to be communicative, again. - Yeah. Do you think he put his balls in his butt? - Shane? - What? I mean, she is specifically saying. that he's doing something with the butter, right? That what he's doing to butter, she can't like move past. - Well, we don't know. Like, maybe he just like flushes it down. I don't know. - It's a whole stick of butter.

- Because, trust me, if he's doing anything. with that butter, like lubricating something, I'm glad he doesn't put it back. - Well, yeah. I think you missed the core concept of the issue here. (group laughing). It's a whole stick of butter. - Yeah. - Whatever it is, I don't think there's a shower. going on after that. So, like... - I don't know, man. Look, man, we can think all we want. It doesn't matter. - Maybe I've got a real good sniffer for food. If I smell butter, I go, "There butter in here?".

Like, I don't think you can walk around... And that's my catchphrase, and I've always said it. I don't think you can do something with butter, not shower, not leave a wrapper behind, and then just walk around. and just be like, "Hey, everybody. What's up?". I'd be like, "I'm sorry, why do you smell literally. like Pam butter spray?". - I do feel bad for the guy that somehow someone knew. and now this is like everywhere. - But that's also not her fault. - Yeah. - Debatably, though. 'Cause I know you're going to Reddit for advice,

but we all know it's pretty damn public at this point. And like, again, he should have communicated. with his romantic partner that he's living with. Not shaming him for that. But it is his own private business. Whether it's the butt or not. It's like, who cares? That's your business. That's your life. It does suck that whatever it is can't be typed. and now his friends know. - I guess, on that note, her first post when she's truly innocently, like, "I don't know what's going on here. This is so confusing,".

and she doesn't think it's gonna be anything. But the second post, she does go... And she's posting that, "Oh, people have already found out who he is,". but then also still posting publicly saying, "What he's doing with it is so wild. I can't think of him the same way.". So she is kind of doubling down. - What if he is just eating it? You know? - [Shane] And she's just shocked. - She's like, "I can't ever look at you the same way.". - She's like, "You're not supposed to eat it. You're supposed to shove it up your butt.". (group laughing).

- "You'll get the calories if you eat it.". This story, because it's about the butter, it's funny. I think there's a very real version of this story. of when it comes to what people are into, like any activities they do. And it's tough 'cause, in a relationship, people might discover something about their partner. Their partner might even share it willingly and be like, "Hey, I can't. This is hard for me to handle. I'm not into this.". - Yep. - Yeah. - And that's okay for it to be a deal-breaker.

But it's also the guy needs to find someone who's okay. with what he does with butter. - And maybe even can be a participant in some way. - Hey. - [Ian] Exactly. - And there might be someone out there. - The world is large. There's somebody else there that likes. putting butter up their butt, I'm sure. - And you know what, I've actually heard a standup comedian. make a joke about that like offhandedly, which makes me think like, "Oh, maybe that is a thing.". - There's a community out there. - There's probably a community out there. - Little butter boys. - "Our next one comes from R/LittleButterBoys.". (both laughing).

- All right, our final story. And I'm a little confused by it. I'm not sure what this means. - Sound it out. - It comes from relationship_advice. "I, a 36-year-old woman, found out that my husband, who's 38, has a Camilla, a 42-year-old woman.". "A Camilla.". - What is the Camilla situation? I don't know. - If I can recall... - [Ian] Okay. - Because I watched "The Crown.". - Okay. Good, good. - So, Prince Charles? Yes. Prince Charles in the '90s.

- I was like, "Well, you tried.". - Prince Charles in the '90s was in love with Camilla. Like, he wanted to be married to her, but he was told he couldn't. because the royal family was like, "No, you can't. You gotta marry Princess Diana.". And he is like, "All right, I will.". But he treated her like shit. 'cause he just wanted to be with Camilla. So then, as soon as Princess Diana's dead, he's immediately with Camilla. But I also know this fact that Camilla wanted to wear... She had to wear gray to her wedding. because the queen wore white.

Or whatever she wanted to wear, I think the queen wore. And you're not allowed to dress. how the queen dresses at the wedding. So the queen fully shaded her. - So nobody gets to wear a little hat. - Oh, it was intentional. - Yes. - Dude, the royal family's just thinking like just (beep) up. - It's something like that. The queen... - on, like, so many levels. - All right, here, let's get into this. - UK mention. We'll have like crumpets go across the screen and... - Yeah. - "I've been married to my husband for two years now.

It's a first marriage for both of us. His family has been very good to me. They immediately accepted me, welcomed me in, started including me in family events. Really made it not even a second thought to say yes, when he proposed, after a year of us being together. I noticed on social media that there are always likes. from a teenage boy on post that he puts up about me. I thought it was a bit weird. that he's friends with a teenager, so I looked through the photos I could see on his profile. There are a few with my husband. from about eight to 10 years ago as well as another woman. When I asked my husband,

he said that the boy is his ex-girlfriend's son. He explained that they were very serious, but that she had ended up getting married to someone else. This seemed odd to me, so I asked my mother-in-law about her. the next time I saw her. My mother-in-law rolled her eyes and said, "Don't even mention Val. I am so glad that you came along. because that girl was so bad for him. She was unemployed, a single mother, and just very trashy. We never would've accepted her.". I am very successful career-wise and well established. My family is very prominent in the community. and well regarded.

The more I thought about it, the more it really felt. like my background had more to do with things than anything. I asked my husband about Val again. and asked if he would have married her, if not for his family. He said that one of the biggest reasons. she chose someone else. was because his family refused to accept her. When I asked what was different about me, he responded, "She was Camilla and you're Diana.". I asked him if that meant he would marry her. if anything happened to me. He shook his head, laughed, and said I was being ridiculous. and that he didn't think like that. I told him I wanted him to remove and block his ex.

and her son from his social media immediately, and to stop communicating with them. He's told me that he has a cordial relationship. with both of them, and that he doesn't feel it's fair for me. to ask him to cut them out. Is there a good way for me to deal with this knowledge? I'm losing sleep over the fact that I feel. like a placeholder that is there to please his family, and that he'll go back to her once his parents are gone. I'm starting to doubt every interaction I ever had with him. When I bring it up to him, he gets upset. and tells me to stop dwelling on his past. I wish that I'd never known this.

because I feel like all of my happiness has been drained. Is there any good way to approach this?". - That's tough. - Yeah. Well, he shouldn't have said the Camilla-Diana thing. - I almost think this is one of those situations. where it's like a gift. It's like he told you flat out how he feels about you. You should... I think that's one of those situations. where I'm like, "You should go.". - No. You think so? - He inferred that, "Yes, I would rather be.

with this person, but I'm with you.". - [Ian] Yeah. - That is what he said. - Well, she got... The Camilla of the story, she got married... - [Shane] She's married to someone else. Yeah. - She's married to someone else now, doing their own life. I don't think it's an issue. I think it was an issue that he worded it that way. I think that was really stupid. That was one of those like, us guys, sometimes we say just like one line. that's just like, "Shouldn't have said that.". - You're saying maybe he doesn't understand.

the severity of what he said? - Yeah, maybe it's like, "Oh, I was with someone, but now I'm with you.". And then my question is like, how well used of a phrase is that in the UK or something? Just 'cause like I didn't know the severity and it... - I think also like, yeah, I mean he probably loved her. and then life moved on. Like, it's possible for him to have loved her.

and love his new wife just as much. Like, I don't think there's any issue with that. I think what he said was really stupid. - Yeah. - [Damien] Yeah. - And was not like... He didn't take her feelings into consideration. and what that would do to her. - Right. - But I think, yeah, she has to get past this. If she doesn't, then it's going to eat at them. until it's over. - Right. - There's already a trust issue there about the past,

and it doesn't matter if it's like true or not, it's going to become true or be true. just because of how sort of it's impacted her. I think she needs clarity and communication, surprise, surprise, on that specific phrasing. Because there are also situations where it's like, "Oh, why did you and your ex break up?". It's not always gonna be like, "'Cause actually now we hate each other.". It's like, "Oh, well, she wanted to stay in Seattle. and I was gonna be moving to the Midwest for my job. We just knew it wouldn't line up.". And it's like, "Would you be together if you both lived in the same house?".

Like, "Yeah, but we don't. So now we're together and we're happy.". - 'Cause those hypotheticals could eat at you forever. - Yeah. Some comments. Someone said, "Considering Charles cheated on Diana. with Camilla, that was quite possibly the worst analogy. he could have made.". Someone else said, "Tell him that his analogy made things. a thousand times worse, as Diana was obviously nothing to Charles. but someone his family would accept, but who he personally didn't care about. As a result of said atrocious analogy, you have lost a lot of faith. in the strength of your relationship. And if he wants this marriage to work out,

he will at least remove them from his socials for now. and attend marriage counseling with you.". Someone else said, "I couldn't be married to someone. who told me that. He basically told you that he wanted to be with her, but you're acceptable to his family.". I guess what we're saying, though, is this at least calls. for a lot more conversation. - Yeah. - Absolutely. - To be like, "Hey, we need to talk about what you said.". - Also... Yeah, I guess it's also like, how well do you know the Diana-Camilla story?

- [Shane] Right. - Because did he just think it was just simply. parents didn't accept her so he found somebody else? Because these other people that are commenting. clearly know more about the story, and they're like, "Oh, he cheated on her with Camilla. and did all this other stuff.". And maybe she knows the story better than he does. and he's just like, "Oh, one woman, another woman. That's the story.". - I'm also assuming, if these people live in the UK, I'm assuming that's a much more well-known story. Tons of people here in America just don't really know it.

I mean, he's 38. He's 38, so it's actually... It is a known thing. I mean, I knew of it when I was a kid, so if he was a little bit older than me, he definitely knew it. And also, in America it's just like, "Oh, we know Marilyn Monroe was with JFK. That was a thing," you know? And so it could just be a casually known thing. My big focus here is on like, "You have to block your ex.". And usually for me it's like,

there's no reason why people on good terms. couldn't be friends with an ex. and stay following and keep in touch. Like, "Oh, I saw you up this thing. Hope everything's good.". But sort of where they're at now. is the trust has been broken. - Yeah. - Whether it's bad phrasing or not, they have to work on it under their individual terms. of like, "We gotta go to therapy and you gotta block them.". And then you earn it back, and then you talk about it later. But if your marriage is your priority, even though it's not great to be asked to block somebody, there's a specific reason why for this one,

not just like any ex. You know what I mean? - I see that. I see that. Well, let's get to this update. - Oh, there's an update? No, I'm kidding. - Okay, so this update came 20 days later. - Divorce could happen in 20 days. - So 20 days later, do you think they're gonna make it, is one question. - Gosh. I mean... - Do you think he's cheating on her, is another one. - Oh gosh. - I think the kid is his son. - Ooh. I like that. - That's a good possibility. - How old's the kid. and when were they together?

I mean, I'm gonna be really disappointed. if this broke up the relationship. I think he's an idiot, but I don't think that he was being malicious. - If there's no other reveals, then yeah. - I think he could also be very specifically. not meaning that with the phrase. Like, he could be just an idiot and he's just like, "Oh no, it's my two favorite characters. from 'Steven Universe.'" - [Shane] Right.

- And you're just like, "No, that's a wonderful show, but we're not talking about them.". - [Shane] Right. - [Ian] Yeah. - Okay. Let's see. "Thank you to everyone who responded to my previous post. A lot has gone down since I posted, and not much of it has been good, to be honest. I'm starting to wish that I'd left well enough alone, but I guess I'm stuck now. So I sat down with my husband and told him. that this whole Val thing was really bothering me. That I'd never heard her name before. for someone he held in such high regard. He explained that she had cheated on him. and had married the guy she cheated with.

They stopped speaking for a while, but they started being cordial again, as she was having problems in her marriage. and through her divorce. He swears on his life that there's only friendship there, that he can't ever forgive her, and that he has no interest in her romantically anymore. We share location history on our phones. and have cameras on our house, so I know he's not lying about seeing her. My husband was my first in a lot of ways, everything except my first kiss, so I tend to be a bit more jealous than others. My husband has more of a past.

and it makes me very uncomfortable, even though I know it's a reality that I have to accept. I'm also diagnosed as on the autism spectrum, so I tend to be socially awkward and miss certain cues, which caused me not to really have close relationships. up until him. I was over at my parents' house telling my mother about Val. She kept telling me not to worry, that everyone has a past, and that he obviously chose me. Little background. My father is a girl dad. I'm the third of four girls. He's been my protector my whole life, and he will go after anyone that hurts me. Dad overheard mom and me, and came into the kitchen.

'Are you serious right now? He's talking to Val again? I'm going to asterisk him.'. I asked my father how he knew about Val. I looked at my mother, and she was looking at him. with a horrified look. He said he overheard us, and it's not right for him to talk to other women. They tried to talk around it, but I demanded an answer, and they finally relented.". Okay. "My mother admitted that they had arranged my marriage.". - Whoa, baby.

- [Emily] It's a secret third thing, - It's a... And of all the ones. - I gotta take a lap for this one. - [Damien] Of all the ones. - Wow. - Of all the ones (indistinct) the crazy reveal. Is this the last one? - Let's go. - Okay, because I was about to be like, "Oh, okay. I can talk a little bit about my experience. being on the spectrum. I can see how she's stuck there.". This is a secret third thing. - "My mother admitted that they had arranged my marriage. We'd been seeing each other for a month. and I met his parents." - Sorry.

- It just dawned on me how much the Diana thing works now. And it wasn't just a little bit. He's like, "I mean that she was Camilla and you are Diana.". - This absolutely... - Sorry. - It's almost like he was trying to tell her everything. - You can't just guide cues past her like that. She'll talk to them every time. I know that. - "We'd been seeing each other for a month. and I met his parents. Shortly after, his mother called mine, explained about Val, how they were afraid he would go back to her,

and how they wanted to do everything they could. to make sure that their son married the right girl. I asked my mother why she agreed, and she admitted that they were afraid I was gay. and that I wouldn't ever have children. She said that's why my husband. was immediately invited to every holiday. That's why he was introduced. to multiple relatives in a very short time. That's why they referred to him as family. before he proposed. They were trying to set the tone in my mind. My head was spinning. I told them I had to go and I couldn't talk to them anymore. I drove home and felt like I couldn't breathe.

I walked into our house and told my husband everything. He laughed. He actually laughed. He told me that he'd figured it out a while ago. and thought I had too. He told me that his parents paid for me. to go on vacation with them. They made a point of getting everyone in the family. to share how much they liked me. They gave him extra gift certificates. to take me out to dinner and other events. His mother cleaned his apartment. and did all of his laundry while he was at work. so his nights and weekends were free for me. When he said he was going to save the money for a ring,

they gave it to him, and they kept telling him. what a good match I was for him. He asked his parents while we were engaged. if it had been the plan to keep him away from Val, and his mother admitted that it had been. He told me that he fell in love with me. while we were together, what he feels for me is real, and that he loves the life we have together. He said it doesn't matter how it started. because what we have is strong and real. I don't know how to feel. I can't even talk to anyone. because I'm apparently the only person. who didn't know this happened. I feel like such an idiot. I'm furious with his parents for doing this,

furious with mine for going along with it, and hurt that he didn't tell me the truth. once he figured it out. I don't know if I want a divorce. My husband has been trying very hard to be supportive of me. I've told him I don't feel like talking. He keeps asking me if he can get me anything. and asking me little questions to try to get me to talk, but I can't even get my feelings straight right now. I feel betrayed by every person. who is supposed to care about me, and I have no idea what the hell to do now.". - Okay, can I just say. I think we got the plot to "Hitch 2.".

- I didn't see "Hitch 1." I'm sorry. - Oh, no. - Nobody did. - It's just Will Smith hitching people. - I always get it confused with "Hancock,". and I'm like, "Oh, the dog.". - Ugh. Yeah, that's not a good movie. - And I get it confused with... - This fits the definition of gaslighting. Correct? Like massive group-effort gaslighting. Because they altered her reality. - It feels illegal. - This is a horror movie. - It feels illegal. - [Emily] It's "Truman Show." - Yes. - Like, people have issues with like arranged marriages,

but the parties are aware that it's happening. - Right. - I also feel like she would've also brought up. if it was something like, "Well, it is something. that culturally in my family we've done for generations, but I wish they would've asked.". This doesn't sound like it was a norm... - No, "We think she's gay and she won't have babies.". - Yeah, 'cause the idea... I mean, I can't speak on it. But in this situation, what really happened. was that she was mass-manipulated by everyone around her.

They're like, "Okay, we're gonna do all these things. to make this happen so that you think. that this is all convenient, that this is all working out, that, oh, this is perfect.". But it's that the whole family is secretly. making it feel perfect. - And the husband "figured it out". and didn't think to mention it to her? - It's just so disrespectful to her. - It's nuts. It takes away all agency. And now I can believe that maybe they fell in love. and it was wonderful then, but the fact that it's built in the way it is.

robs them of any authenticity there for themselves. I was gonna say before the big reveal, being on the autism spectrum, sometimes some of those... It's different for everybody, but some of those things can manifest in things. that are similar to OCD, where you have a thought. and you can't stop fixating on it. And the fact that he had a romantic past where she didn't... That could keep coming up, and it takes real work to get past that. But that being said, this being her first relationship,

at least to that degree other than the first kiss, it's doubly manipulative to be like, "Oh yeah, this is what we're doing. This is what we're doing,". because she doesn't have a basis to build from. She doesn't know what a different relationship looks like. And maybe families do do this. Maybe they constantly take each other out. and give each other gift cards. Like, might as well have been living in a bubble. and then released them and been like, "Surprise, we're not on earth. Hahaha.". - Right. - I don't know. Take away that last metaphor. That sucked. - When you were describing it, I was hearing the soundtrack.

to like a horror movie playing in my head. Everywhere feels like (imitates dramatic music). You know? If this is a real story, that is insane. - I think I believe this. - [Damien] I believe this one too. - Who you go to? Where's your support system after this? - I know. When they're talking about like, "Hey, is there anything. I get you, do you want to talk?". I don't think they're realizing how much the base,

the ground level has been shattered. It's not just, oh, some trust. It's like reality, identity, ego is just dead. - [Shane] Right. - Yeah. - The reasoning is insane too, of like, "We thought you were gay. So we thought this would be...". It's like what do you think was gonna happen? - And they're like, "We need to put a baby in you.". "We didn't think you were gonna have a baby. We need to get that baby in you.". - Yeah, "You have to have them to carry on our family name.". - Some comments on the update. "Wow. Just wow, this is some 'Truman Show'-level betrayal.

I'm sorry, friend. If I could, I would give you the biggest hug.". Someone else said, "My dear. This sort sort of happened to me in a roundabout way. in my early twenties. When I realized what happened, I left and started my own life. I had great adventures. and fell in love with a wonderful man. We just celebrated our 30th anniversary. You do what makes your heart happy, not those who arranged a manufactured relationship. you weren't even part of. Sending you bravery and compassion. Trust your heart, not them.". - That's very sweet. - There was another comment by OP saying. they are looking into therapy, which I think is...

- A good first step. - [Shane] probably good. - It's great for everybody, but especially now. - When you're trying to discover. what your reality truly is. - Yeah. You get to do that fun thing to your therapist. where they have heard everything, but sometimes you can get them to break. and they go, "Oh my God.". And you're like, "Uh-oh. Was that that bad? Oh no.". - "Oh my God.". - Yeah, you'll get a gamer score trophy. if you get your therapist to cry.

- I've never done that one. I've gotten them to laugh. and I've gotten the, like, shocked face. I didn't even think about crying. - Yeah, if you give them a good enough story, yeah. I've never made a therapist cry, but my life's pretty boring. - You just try making fun of them. Like, "Oh, therapy baby.". And they're like, "I'm not a therapy baby.". - Yeah. Hey, guys, let's work to send our therapist to therapy. - They all probably go to therapy already. - It's called the mirror. - They should, yeah. - All right. That has been "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.".

Thank you both for being here. - Thank you, Shane. I appreciate you. - And thank you for watching and listening. And once again, we have our live show, today, 4:00 PM Pacific Standard Time. Get your tickets at live.smosh.com. And hey, if you can't watch it today, you can still get your tickets. and watch it anytime until March 23rd. The VAD will be available. And it's gonna be a wild time. There's gonna be updates. - "There's gonna be updates." - There's gonna be updates. - The audience is gonna go crazy when you say "updates.".

- [Shane] I know. - Oh, I cannot wait to see that. - To have an audience full of people is gonna be so cool. - Oh, I'm getting chills. Chills. - Oh no, are you sick? - Butter? - Butter? Butter? - All right. - Get your butter out. Get your butter out, guys. - Okay. - And then get your butter in. Sorry. - We will see you guys hopefully later today. And we will also see you next Saturday. Goodbye. - Bye. - Bye.

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