They MESSED Up | Reading Reddit Stories

- Hello and welcome to "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories". I'm Shayne, and today's theme is all about messing up. Most of these stories come from a subreddit. called Today I (beep) Up, and boy, are people out there (beep) up all the time. I'm joined by two people who did not (beep) up ever. in their life. - I've never made any mistakes whatsoever. - Ian and Damien are here. - Roll the clip. No, I'm kidding. Hello.

You know what, Shayne? I messed up my voice, and it might be audible today to the listeners and viewers. - I heard you lost your voice, but it doesn't sound like it. - I've been saving it for today just for y'all. because I care about everyone out there. And I wanna do a good job. - Wow. That's so nice. - Thank you. Yeah, I feel like your voice has a certain tone to it. that I've never heard before. - You know what? I think it's also because like a game, like our friendship has sort of like. unlocked the next stage sort of. - Oh, I've unlocked a new skin for your voice. (crew laughs). - Yes. You have.

- A new cord. Okay, now for the sake. of making our editor's lives a little easier, I'm gonna say "today I messed up" most of the time, unless the title is kind of funny. based on saying "today I (beep) up.". - It's gonna be hard. It's a hard sell to think. that (beep) would not always make it funnier. - It always makes it a little bit funnier, but I'm gonna try not to. - Okay. - And also for YouTube Shorts, they don't like it. - Oh. - They don't like it. Yeah, that's how it goes.

All right, let's get into this. Our first story comes from TIFU for short. Today I messed up. - [Damien] Okay. - "TIFU and tits 14 years too late to fix.". Oh, they rhymed. They did a little half rhyme there. - Wow. They got a little jingle going. - "Today I messed up and tits 14 years too late to fix.". - I'm already on board. Not the asshole. - This guy's good. - Okay. - "Most of us have a name for our spouse. "or significant other.

"Playing with Siri one day I changed my wife's name. "on my phone to Tits McGee.". - Nice. - "And never bothered to change it back. "Obviously when you change the name of someone. "on your phone, that name is associated. "with all the contact information for that person. "So even though my wife's name isn't a part. "of her email address, every time I'd email her, "the name shown would be Tits McGee. "For 14 years I thought I was the only one that saw that. "However, every email I've ever sent. "that had my wife copied on the recipient saw Tits McGee.

"Every (beep) email, including our daycare center. "I'd like to thank the wonderful team. "at Chuck E. Cheese event planning. "for pointing this information out to me. "in an extremely professional manner.". They have the email, and look at this from Chuck E. Cheese. It says, "Yay, your party is booked! "We are eager to celebrate your birthday star with you. "See your party information below. "and get ready for a super exciting day.

"Your party information. "Contact, Tits McGee.". (everyone laughs). - Well, look, look, I mean, like Tits McGee. could be like an old Irish name. We don't know. - We don't know. - I think it sounds like one of the members. of like Chuck E's band. - Yeah, sure. - That's Tits McGee. - Well, you would know. - Oh yeah, you got Pasquale. He's the-. - Gotta have Pasquale. The pig. - I actually don't know any of the other names. - Watch the Rock-afire Explosion documentary. It's all about how it gets there. I'm not even kidding.

- Oh my god. So wait, Ian, you know all the names? - The thing that is seared into my memory. is that they had covers of famous songs. that was played by the band. playing constantly through the speakers always. And they had about six songs. that would just rotate like every season. And I will never get outta my head "Who Could It Be Now?". - Wow. - By the Chuck E. Cheese band. - Is it like Kidz Bop style. where they still have to edit it down?

Or is it just because it's Chuck E. Cheese's voice? Charles Entertainment Cheese. - I think it's like word for word, bar for bar. - Okay. - Yeah. Wait, isn't "Who Could It Be Now?" like about cheating. or something? - I think it's about Tits McGee. - It's about Tits McGee. It would be funny the songs that they choose. if they did like "Butterfly" by Crazy Town. or something like that. - Yeah. - Just like, wow, these animatronics are getting sexy up there. (everyone laughs). - Sexier, Shayne. - Sexier. Oh, it's by the way, sorry, really quick.

Chuck E. Cheese, Helen Henny, Mr. Munch, and Pasquale. - How did I forget that? - Mr. Munch is terrifying. - Yeah, he's like a big purple guy? - He's kind of like a-. - Like a Grimace situation? - They've all been rebranded. They're probably less scary-. - What is, sorry, why purple guys? Why nondescript animals that are purple. when it comes to food service? Grimace, Mr. Munch. - Purple doesn't make you hungy for pizza? - His name is Mr. Munch. - He used to be a lot scarier. They aged down all of these characters.

They used to all be like really scary looking. - He looks like he's 21 Jump Streeting. He's like 100 years old. (crew laughs). Look, yes, you (beep) up, this guy. It also hurts my feelings. to know that Siri has been around for 14 years. That kind of blew my mind. - Absolute shock to my system. - Oops. But also, like, someone's gotta have your back over 14 years. to be like, "Oh, by the way, I noticed you have Tits McGee.". - Have either of you ever accidentally. like done something similar to this,

a typo or a mistype or putting in something. that you didn't think was public became public? - Not quite. I've done two similar things. where it's like you send the text to the wrong person. So like both of them were embarrassing. One was like in college, my skateboard got stolen. It's how I got to class. And like a friend offered to either like make me another one. in his shop or give me one of his others, whatever. And I sent this whole long text to my mom on my Blackberry. So it was hard to type.

It wasn't the thing to have in college. I just had an old phone. And it was this whole nice thing like, "You know what, Mom? "I am making friends. "Like, this is great. "People have been really sweet. "Like, you know, they've got my back, "and, you know, I'm really starting to fit in here.". And it was to the friend. (Shayne laughs). I was just like, "God damn it.". And the other one was like, I don't know, sometimes, you know, you're in the talking stage with someone, you send like a little flirtato chips like photo, just like, "This is what I'm up to right now.". Nothing crazy. Just like, here's my photo. And I'd send it to like a work contact.

And it wasn't until like a day later that I was like, "Ah!". And I was like, "I'm sorry, married work contact. "who I've never had anything for. "This was not for you.". - It happens. - It happens. - I had a very similar situation to this. I believe I've told this story on here before. where during the pandemic we used to have meetings. all the time here at Smosh. And for funsies I changed my name on our Zoom calls. to Butt Idiot. - [Ian] Nice. - And I was like, "That's really funny. "I'm Butt Idiot, guys.".

And we're like laughing about it. Well, then I was also at the time. on a show called "The Goldbergs". and we would do our table reads over Zoom, and there'd be a roughly 50 people in the Zoom calls. And so I hop in to do a table read, and I'm a few minutes in. and I notice that my name is Butt Idiot on the Zoom call. And as I'm actively changing it, I'm like, "Maybe I can change it before anyone notices,". Sam Lerner is in there, and he goes, "Butt Idiot?".

(everyone laughs). And I was like, "Yeah, sorry, it was for a different thing.". I was like, thank God it was just Butt Idiot. Like, thank God I didn't put something else. - Yeah. - I also feel like, I don know, you played a goofy character. You're a goofy person. - It was a comedy show. Like, out of everything, it's okay. It wasn't a job interview. But still scary. - Yeah. - Anyways, some comments here. Someone said, "It's always amusing seeing the emails people use. "on job applications or as their personal email. "in their company's HR system.

"I've had to migrate tons of contact information. "over my career and it never ceases to amaze me. "Some that I remember off the top of my head. "Popper_oring, slimyandsatisfying, "Expecttobuttplayus, roofy-". - [Emily] It might be "Expectobuttplayus.". - Oh. - That's not even good. - "Expectobuttplayus, roofycolada.". Wow. - Oh no. - "And butt (beep) express. "Seriously, take a minute and make a work safe email. LOL.". Yeah, out of all those roofycolada is pretty bad.

- I think that's one you have to report. - I'm like, "Hey man, I don't trust you.". Someone else said, "There was a post the other day. "that said they had to submit all the financial docs. "to a loan officer. "and all the Venmo transfers had like 'sucked on tits'. "for the memo line.". - Sure. - Sorry, who among us on Venmo. has not said something ridiculous? - No, yeah. - Like, fart tax. - For sure. But now you can do it, 'cause there's a time. where you couldn't make your transactions private. Now you can.

- That's true. - Just for everyone to know. That can all be private. - Finally, someone said, "What's truly funny is it's gone on for 14 years. "and it took Chuck E. Cheese to point it out.". OP responded, "Yep. "Not even the daycare our kids go to has bothered. FML.". - Yeah. - FML. That's a-. - That's a throwback. That's a throwback. - Well, clearly the most professional people. come from Chuck E. Cheese. I'm living proof of that. - As we know. - You breached containment and now we're all here. - Exactly. - Siri is 14 years old.

That is wild. They can basically serve in army. (everyone laughs). - They yearn for the mines. - Yearn for them. - That's crazy. That's so crazy to think about 'cause I've never used Siri. I've had Apple products, but I don't see the need myself to be like, "Hey, can you tell me what the time is?". I just look on my phone. - Yeah. - So like I-. - [Shayne] I know. - I only use her to tell me what the air quality is. and what the UV index is. - I just pull up my weather app. - Yeah.

It's usually 'cause I'm like putting clothes on. or something. - [Shayne] Ah, there you go. - I'm about to go out, I'm like, "Siri.". - Siri, is the air stinky? - Yeah. - Yeah, it's a real bad one today, buster. - Am I gonna get a sun burn outside? - I do use, so I don't set it off for anyone, Amazon device. often for weather specifically while I get dressed. - But also Alexa, buy 20 rolls of toilet paper. - Wow. You just kicked off a bunch of our viewers. - Hell yeah. - I mean, or the toilet paper industry. This is insider trading. You have toilet paper stocks.

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That's zocdoc.com/pitreddit. Zocdoc.com/pitreddit. (bright music). Back to the show. Our next story also from TIFU, Today I Messed Up. "Today I messed up by saying 'YouTube Torte Tuli-Os'. "over and over, causing me to lose a job. "at the literal last minute.".

We'll all learn together. - Who among us hasn't? - "Not today, but a little over a year ago, "I, a 29-year-old woman, had an interview with a company. "that I nailed. "The whole time I was thinking, 'Yes, bitch, you got this,'. "while nailing every question. "They told me during the interview. "how impressive my cover letter was, "how they wanted me to come do a paid shift. "to see how the position fit me. "and how they thought if this position didn't work, "they could look into another. "at a new location they were opening in 2024. "I was ready to get up, give a stellar handshake,

"and wait for a call I knew was coming. "This is until they gave me one final for fun question, "who would you put on your Mount Rushmore? "I knew it was coming, "so I already had thought of my answers. "I gave my first three. "and bonded with the three male interviewers. "on some of our people matching up. "With a bolt of confidence, "I added that my fourth and final choice was Paul Hollywood. "from 'The Great British Bake Off'. "To my surprise, no one knew who he was.

"or had the love for him I did. "Flabbergasted, I said that I watched the show. "and had his most recent cookbook. "I went to add. "that I had watched some of his YouTube tutorials, "but that's not what came out of my mouth. "'YouTube Torte Tuli-Os' came out. "I was shocked and went to correct myself, "but kept repeating 'YouTube Torte Tuli-Os.'. "It started with just me calmly saying this phrase again. "to just see if it was just a one-time mistake,

"apologizing once or twice. "It quickly turned into frustration. "I began angrily repeating 'YouTube Torte Tuli-Os, "'YouTube tutorials, YouTube Torte Tuli-Os'. "over and over and over, getting more and more frustrated, "feeling like I must prove myself. "After about two minutes, but it felt like 20, "the most intimidating of the three men interviewing me. "said, 'YouTube tutorials,' giving me an out. "But I had too much pride. "I tried saying it once or twice more.

"before saying YouTube videos instead. "The interview quickly ended. "and went from a, 'We'll schedule a time. "'for you to come do a paid shadow shift' to radio silence. "Who knows what could have been. "if I hadn't picked Paul Hollywood as my fourth person. "on my Mount Rushmore. "TLDR, Paul Hollywood ruined my chances. "of getting my dream job.". - Damn. - YouTube Tutorte... YouTube Torte Tuli-Os. YouTube Torte Tuli-Os.

(Ian laughs). I'm trying to say what they accidentally said. It's hard. - I'm gonna... Hot take. I don't think that was Paul Hollywood's fault. - Yeah. - I know. I don't think it was Paul Hollywood's fault either. - He has the eyes of a husky. - I know. He really does. I just think their speaking got a little stodgy there. in the middle and that's okay. - Yeah. Little stodgy. - I think (laughs). - That happens. - They hit soggy bottom. - They hit soggy bottom. - I mean, look, this sucks obviously, but, you know, I think a lot of job interviews is showing.

how you handle things under pressure. Some people have speech impediments. Sometimes people also just mess up what they're saying. That's okay. I think the doubling down and being like, "No, I have this," after someone's like, "Tutorials.". You're like, "I know what I'm saying, "but I'm gonna say tutuloodilies. "Tutuloodilies.". - Tutuloodilies. - That's uncomfortable as hell. - Yeah, OP I think left out when they tried to correct them, they go, "Shut the (beep) up, I've got this.". - Yeah, yeah. - YouTube Torte Tuli-Os. (beep) you!

- If I say it nine more times, it summons them. - I do think it's extreme that they were like, "You've got the job,". to one little flub situation for even two minutes. to being like, "Yeah, no.". - Well, can you imagine sitting there. and having to listen to somebody say "Torte Tuli-Os". for two minutes straight? - But one could could say, hey look, this is the type of dedication and perseverance. that I have. I won't give up. - I don't know what the kind of job is, but I was uncomfortable watching you, my friend, try to say what they said.

I think in a job interview situation, it's like two minutes of just pure discomfort. You don't want your customers to have that. - Professional saying words good job. - Yeah, actually talk real good now. - Yeah, I mean, that person wouldn't last a day. at Chuck E. Cheese. - In the mascot suit. - Throw them to the pit. - Not even at the front desk where they stamp your hand. - Whoa. That's awful. - Not even at the bar where they only give adults one beer. - [Shayne] Oof. - Is that right?

- One beer or one wine. - You can't get drunk at Chuck E. Cheese anymore? - Lord knows I tried. (everyone laughs). I wasn't even legal drinking age when I worked there. - I believe it. - Yeah. - Oh man. I definitely feel for this person. I mean, I can relate. - Yeah. - Obviously as an actor in so many auditions, like it's what you live in fear of, but it's also the inevitable. It just happens. - There's also like all those viral clips, like, you know, there was like that weather reporter who's like,

"Very percicification with...". And you just can't get through it. Like, you can have a little like hiccup. in the thought process, but you have to react with grace under pressure, not double down for two and half minutes. - That's also true. It's probably... If I'm going to wager a guess, it would be the like reaction to the situation-. - Yeah. - I think so. - That they judge them for, and we didn't get to see that. It does remind me of the story Amanda told on "Smosh Mouth". of her audition for "Barry", the show. - I missed this episode. - She's like, she rehearsed all day and then she gets in.

and she was like so like locked in, but she's like, "I started speaking and I didn't say a single real word.". Throughout the whole scene, she was just like, (mumbles). (everyone laughs). Dude, the clip of her saying it is frigging awesome. - I have to find that. - Yeah, watch "Smosh Mouth". Anyways... - I usually do. - We're doing ads for our own videos. I love that. - I know. Yeah. Now we got some comments here. Someone says, "One time a person. "who was interviewing me held out their hand for me. "to hand them something and I high fived them instead.".

Someone else said, "Hey, OP, if it makes you feel any better, "I was interviewing with a guy. "whose first language wasn't English, "so he had a bit of an accent. "When we were talking about my past experience in history, "he said, 'Oh, so you're pretty artistic?'. "But the thing was that he (beep) up artistic. "to the point that it came out sounding like autistic. "Now I know he heard it that way too. "because he instantly corrected himself. "while I was strongly and firmly answering with a yes. "Yeah, wasn't even quick enough on my feet. "to just laugh it off and be like, "'I understand what you meant.'.

"Nah, we just sat in silence for a solid 10 seconds. "before he started asking questions again. "Still don't know how I got that job.". Someone else said, "Baked-". - Well, that was not that person's fault. The interviewer botched it. Like, "How did I get that job?". I'm like, he felt bad. (everyone laughs). You have leverage. - Guilt them. - Yeah. Good. - Ah, someone wrote in, "Baked in a buttery flaky crust.". - Oh yeah. Baked in a buttery flavor crust. - Oh, have you not seen this? - No. - There's a local commercial for a restaurant. and they have like a couple, like an old couple there.

and they just need him, like as the camera pans past a table-. - Oh yes. - Baked in a buttery crispy crust. And he just cannot say flaky. - It's the Orson-. - And then the wife and then the wife tries to take it. and she fails it. - She keeps roasting him for not being able to say it. She's like, "It's flaky.". - It's flaky. - They were like, "All right, let's let the wife take it.". And then she goes, "Baked in a buttery crispy crust.". And then you see him like, "Oh!". (everyone laughs). It's so funny. - It's the Orson Wells. like can't quite get it right champagne thing.

Ah, the French. - Ah, the French. - Ah, French. - Yeah, but that guy was wasted off his balls. - But he started pretty bad too. Can I point out a little pet peeve? - Yeah. - I love Reddit stories. I love, you know... They always do things where like, "Is anyone a teacher that's dealt with this before?". And someone will go like, "I'm not a teacher, but my cousin has kids, so...". I hate that so much. And that's... (everyone laughs). I already was not on this person's side. when they were like, "Okay, today I effed up. "It wasn't today, it was like a year ago,

"but this one time...". I'm like, no. I'm like, just stick to the format. Like, we didn't ask for you. We're not asking... I'm not a doctor, but my sister sneezed once. And so I don't know. - Yeah, I feel you. - I get that. I think on a like just as far as entertainment value, I'm like, do you need to say it was a year ago? - Nope. - Like, I'm okay with that lie. Like, 'cause the subreddit is called today I did this. It's like, just say it was today. - I just-. - We won't know. I don't know you. - Yeah, I start the story with a like (sighs). (everyone laughs).

Here we go. - The funny thing is I thought like, you know, there's so many Reddit stories where you're like, could it be fake? But I feel like this one is so specific messing up tutorials. with Torte Tuli-Os. I'm like, this has to be real. - Oh, this is definitely real. I think these are real. Something that annoys the shit outta me on Reddit. is when people ask genuine questions seeking genuine advice. and the top 50 comments are just the dumbest jokes. you've ever seen in your life.

- Oh yeah. - And I'm like, guys, like come on. Like, let's let a real answer come through. - Yeah. - It's a pun. It's always a pun. - They always need a pun. Reddit is addicted to puns. Also on this, someone then posted a link to the subreddit Bone Apple Tea, which is perfect for this kind of stuff. It's a subreddit literally dedicated to mispronouncing. or mistyping things. In a recent post someone typed out "nickeled and dimed". as "Nickelodeon and died.". (everyone laughs).

- Nickelodeon and died? - Like, that dude really hates SpongeBob. - Have you seen people... Okay, people misspelling stuff. and realizing people really misspell stuff on the internet. is really funny. And someone wrote, "It donned donned me.". - It donned donned me. Yeah, yeah. - Like, don. Like, D-O-N. It donned donned me. (everyone laughs). And then it donned donned me. (everyone laughs). - Don don. - I saw one that was like ADHD, but it was like 80, the number.

- 80HD. (everyone laughs). - That's like a sick knuckle tat though. Like, 80. - Is this TV LED? No, it's 80 HD. - Yeah, (beep) 4K. We got 80 HD. - Update! - Oh. - She's sad. (everyone laughs). - Okay, we have a Torte Toli-O here. All right, update. "Not to sound cliche, but I didn't expect this to blow up. "I had posted this on a different subreddit.

"a long-ass time ago and only saw recently. "that it was deleted by mods. "I said (beep) it and posted it here. "hoping a few people would find it funny. "I appreciate all of the kind responses. "and stories of interview fails. "It made me feel less alone. "Also thanks, grammar police, "and the people who worried for my health, LOL. "Oddly enough, I have always had bad luck with interview, "from dropping my phone in the toilet. "right before meeting with the HR rep. "to accidentally choking on my own spit. "and having a coughing fit. "and to the now well-known Torte Tuli-Os. "I am often the candidate that looks great on paper,

"answers everything perfectly, "and then somehow drops the ball in the red zone. "I got really paranoid once this started blowing up. "and deleted a comment with my current situation. "because I would be absolutely mortified. "if this somehow was read by the people I interviewed with. "and I didn't want anything. "that could potentially give away my information. "Not gonna lie, "I came really close to deleting the post altogether. "just in case, LOL. "Within two months of fumbling this interview, "I got a raise and promotion at my current job. "Now I'm making more than I would have at the other position. "with better hours.

"It goes to show that sometimes your dreams. "aren't always what will make you happy. "Again, thank you guys for laughing at my blunder with me. "I am happy I was able to bring joy to you. "during these super weird times. "Also, if one of the interviewers is reading this, "I appreciate you taking the time to interview me, "regardless of how it turned out. "Please forget you read this post and let's please agree. "to never speak about this incident again.". - That's a good attitude. - Hey, there you go. It all worked out for 'em. - It's a comforting thought to think. that you could be messing up all the time.

and you just don't realize it. - I think everybody needs to hear that. - Yeah. (crew laughs). - Our next story. "Today I messed up by getting a tattoo of my mom. "in a bikini.". - What's up? - Oh, okay. - I don't know how that one starts okay. - "My dad passed away a few months ago. "I was really close to him and I miss him a lot. "My dad had quite a few tattoos, "but one of them I remember dearly. "It was this pinup style tattoo of a lady. "in a Hawaiian skirt and coconut bra on his calf.

"I always liked that tattoo. "even though it was pretty badly done. "Most of the color vanished over the years. "and I remember our dad letting us color in the tattoo. "with markers when he wanted to take a nap and keep us busy. "My mom always disapproved. "and I never understood why until now. "One day, about two weeks after he passed away, "I was walking around the city and came by a tattoo shop. "One thing led to another and I walked out of that shop. "with the same tattoo my dad had, "the lady with the coconut bra. "The artist did a great job at recreating the tattoo.

"and I was very happy. "until I got home and wanted to show my mom. "My aunt was there, my dad's sister, "and started laughing like crazy. "My mom looked quite shocked. "Not the reaction I was expecting at all. "I didn't understand what was happening. "until my aunt told me, "'Well, now you've got your mom on you forever. "'in a skimpy outfit. "'Great choice.'. "Well, long story short, my dad got this tattoo. "about a year after they started dating. "She wore this outfit to a party, took a photo, "and he got it tattooed a few weeks later. "Great. (beep) great. "I was a bit confused.

"because my mom has always had blonde hair. "The tattoo lady's got black hair, "but apparently she had a short phase. "of dying her hair black for a few months. "My mom always hated that tattoo. "They almost broke up because of it back then. "She made him swear. "that he would never tell anyone the story. "behind that tattoo, "hence why I don't know anything about it. "and I never asked. "I thought this was just a random tattoo he got. "on one of his many vacations. "Well, now I have a tattoo of my mom in a coconut bra. "Great. "My mom told me she doesn't mind. "and that it's kind of funny now,

"but I'm really thinking of getting it removed. "At least it's on my rib cage. "so I can hide it for the time being. "I really don't wanna show the world my mom in a bikini.". - This is a single digit IQ move. Like, you... (everyone laughs). Sorry. - I love that it's like she had different hair color. - She had different hair. - You're a completely different person. - There are two kinds of tattoo getters in this world. and I understand both. There are the ones that like research for years. and they're like, "Yeah, I have a little, "like it's a little bumblebee. "'cause my grandmother always loved bumblebees.

"and it reminds me of her.". And it's that and then there's like, "Yeah, they had like a flash sale, "so I got like Hey Arnold pissing on a wall for 25 bucks. "and it's all over the place.". And both are fine, but you have to know what you're doing, and if that one has like meaning to you. and also you know your mom hated it. Like, why wouldn't you be like, "Hey, Mom, I would love to honor Dad in this way. "I think it'd be a fun little thing. "Are you comfortable seeing this reminder. "of your husband who passed?". And like, oops. Like, you (beep) up every part of this. - I guess I see like it's been two weeks,

when he got the tattoo, it had been two weeks after his dad passed away, and he didn't know anything behind like this tattoo. I'm assuming the tattoo wasn't that detailed. - It must not have been. - It must just kind of look like general lady. - Like a sailor tattoo. - That's what I'm kind of assuming. is it's just kind of a cartoony looking like-. - But if he got it close- - What do they call that style. like American? - Like Sailor Jerry? - Yeah, like a Sailor Jerry, but it's like called like American. - But either way, like the idea that he got it close enough.

that when he walked in he was like, "Look at my tattoo.". And everyone's like, "Oh!". Like, they knew that was it. - Yeah, I mean, but the dad's sister and the mom. clearly knew the story behind it. But like his sibling didn't know about it. - The fact that it never came up. - Well, he says that the mom made the dad swear. never to tell anyone the backstory behind it. - Oh. - But I'm also saying like if you were to be like, "Hey, I got this tattoo and it's similar,". and you come home, people will be like, "Oh, that's the one just like your dad had.".

It was close enough that everybody was immediately like, "We know what that is! "That's your mom! Like, that sucks. - I mean, it definitely sucks. I think clearly everyone around him is fine, but it's uncomfortable for him. to know he has a tattoo of his mom in a bikini. That's rough. - It's super rough. Don't get it on a whim. - So I don't know, that's probably one that's gonna be hard to like fix, so you might have to get that removed. That sounds painful as hell. - That's gonna hurt. Rib cage tattoo?

That's a tough one. - Yeah, that's brutal. - I have an idea. - Okay. - Just hear me out. The bikini part probably fine. The head if it's already like all black with the hair. Turn it into, do you like the movie "Predator"? - Ooh! - Predator in a bikini, and that's kind of just like a-. - Hey, there you go. There you go. - Or Peter Griffin. - Yeah. - Oh funny. - I think that might be trickier with the big like-. - Well, they might have to erase. Yeah, like laser remove the head. and then get a different head there. - Yeah. - Peter Griffin's head. - There you go. 100%.

- Pretty cool. - Those are some free ideas for you. - [Shayne] Yeah. - [Damien] Enjoy. - Some comments. "I'd say keep it. "It's a reminder of your dad first and foremost. "If anything it showed his love for your mom. "You could think of it as a symbol of your parents' love. "if you wish. "No one has to know it's your mom. "If anyone asks, just say that it's a recreation. "of a tattoo your late dad had in his honor. "You loved it before, "enough to put it on your body permanently. "Don't let this new info ruin its memory for you.". 8,800 up votes. - I agree with that. - I definitely think,

my only reasoning for him getting it removed. is 'cause he's uncomfortable with it. - Sure. - I'm like, hey man, if you're uncomfortable remove it. Because I could see how some people could feel uncomfortable. about it. But you're allowed to tattoo whatever you want on your body. - Can I pitch a second fix? - Yeah. - Okay, it's the tattoo. Obviously it is what it is. Where was it on the dad? Was it on like the bicep? - On his leg. - On his leg? Get a tattoo around it of like a man's leg. So now it's not a tattoo of your mom. It's a tattoo of your dad's leg. - Dude, a tattoo of a tattoo? We going exhibit mode on this?

- You confuse predators, like zebras. Like, they'd be like, "How many legs does this guy have? "I'm not gonna bite him.". - Yeah. - It's true. It's very smart. Someone said, "Your dad is laughing his ass off in heaven.". OP said, "He definitely is. "He'd find it absolutely hilarious.". Lastly, someone said, "My dad had a scorpion tattoo on his arm. "I decided to get one to match his. "and took a picture to my artist. "Yeah, we can definitely do this, "but did you want the scorpion to have an extra set of legs? "So mine has the appropriate number of legs. "I brought it up to my dad later. "and he joked that it was a special Lebanese scorpion.

"He got the tattoo to commemorate his time in the military. "and spent a fair amount of time there. "I did find out later that the guy who did it. "used to do a lot of coke at the time, "so I just assumed he got hyperfocused on the legs. "and was going legs, legs, legs, more legs.". - He's like, "No, scorpions are arachnids. "People don't talk about it enough.". - Yeah, you know, scorpions is spiders. - Yep. - Yeah. - Well, that's a pretty big mess up. We've got YouTube Torte Tuli-Os, we've got Tits McGee, and now we've got-.

- Bikini mom. - Bikini tattoo mom. - That is rough. - How can we go from here? - We gotta see if someone messes up more than this. - Okay, you guys, three... Let's go. - Okay, our next story. "Today I messed up. "Random flea market item turns out to be radioactive.". - Yes. - This is why you have me on today! - Yeah. Is it a radon watch? - We always have a radioactive-. - It's either a radon watch. or it's not just uranium glass, it's milk uranium glass. It's gonna be chipped too and that's when it's (beep) up.

Sorry. - Here we go. - Okay. "I bought this random item in a flea market in Berlin. "because it looked cool and it was cheap. "It's been in my wardrobe ever since. "until I took it out yesterday to take photos of it. "because I found out about the r/WhatIsThisThing page. "Lots of people came back with different answers, "but a few people said it looked like it was radioactive. "and that I should go to my local fire station to check it. "This morning I phoned the non-emergency fire brigade number. "and explained the situation. "Two minutes later, three fire engines arrived.

"to test the object, which was in fact radioactive. "They then called for backup, "and three ambulances, three police cars, "and a counter-terrorism CBRN bomb disposal unit arrived. "They evacuate all the flats in the building, "and after four hours they finally removed the object. "It turned out to be thorium. "I'm not sure about the isotope number or radiation levels.". Here's a photo of this thing. Like... (crew laughs). My dude had straight up-.

- What the heck? What is that? - He had something the Avengers are scared of. - What is that? - Do you know about the demon core? - [Shayne] No. - Yeah. I was thinking about that too. - Look it up later. It's similar to what Emily was talking about, but it's like there are moments where it's just like, okay, as long as this one thing doesn't touch anything else, we're safe. But if it drops, oops, it dropped. Everyone in this room has got about of 24 hours. and that's the level of radiation you just got. It's happened like three times. So yeah, it's-. - Oh, I was thinking the thing. that's like underneath Chernobyl that's like-.

- [Emily] The elephant's foot. - Oh. - The elephant foot. - No demon core. - I brought back the elephant foot. from this cool place in Ukraine. - It tastes like fire. - "Thorium is a radioactive substance. "that if ingested or inhaled via dust, "it can increase the risk of developing lung or bone cancer, "which yep, makes sense why the various departments. "were called.". Wow. - But why is it in what that thing is? - This thing is mysterious in nature. - And they found it a flea market in Berlin?

- It's mysterious and important. - Yeah. They found it at a flea market in Berlin. - [Ian] Okay. - So... - Dude, I gotta go to Berlin. - I don't think you do. I don't think you do. We have to talk about why you thought that. - Actually what I want to do is I do want to go to Berlin, but just to go to that place where there's that, the ravers that were under the bridge. - Oh, the like classic like cyber rave. - That's in Berlin. I really wanna go there. - It's a huge historical moment. - Yeah. (everyone laughs). - It scares me that this this tiny little thing.

that this guy had caused this level of response. I'm like, how many radioactive things like that. are just around? - Yeah, some dude an apartment over. is like ruining your life without even realizing. - I'm like, I don't know. - Yeah. - Holy crap. Terrifying. - That sucks. - Comments. "You didn't mess up. "You provided valuable low stakes training. "for multiple emergency services. "Good firefighting crews train/plan for so many scenarios. "Radioactive threats being one. "This just happened to be the perfect thing to test. "with more real world variables. "than any training/planning could account for.

"You're out some money, but now have an awesome life story.". Yeah, you're out 50 ambulances that were called. - Yeah, right? - And you might have bone cancer now. - It's like you have an awesome life story. A short, short life story. - Short in debt life. - So fast. So done. (everyone laughs). - Someone said, "This is probably unnecessary, "but have they checked to see if you're radioactive. "from exposure?

"Like, if you have the radioactive material on you?". He said, "Yes, they did. "They got me to take my shoes off. "and scanned my feet and my hands.". Someone said, "And are you radioactive in your feet and hands?". OP said, "Higher than usual, but nothing dangerous.". - Yeah, you're really opening some information, like, "Yeah, they checked.". (Shayne laughs). What did they find? They did some tests. Like, are you good? - He's like, "Well, they didn't scan my mouth so...". (Shayne laughs). - Hey man, did you get bit by a zombie? Yeah, I was just out walking.

(everyone laughs). - Oh, so X-Men are cool, right? We can all agree the X-Men are cool? - [Shayne] Yeah, they're all sick. - Great. So now that we established as a base, got some news. - Okay, lastly, someone said, "I'm a trained radiation protection supervisor.". - Crow scientist. - Yeah, I'm a professional crow scientist. (everyone laughs). I'm like, of course there's a Redditor. who's a radiation protection supervisor. "So I'm a trained radiation protection supervisor. "so have some useful information on this. "Although others will have far more knowledge than me.".

Why would more people have more knowledge? - Supervisor. - Sounds like you should have the most knowledge. - No, the supervisor to the radiation trained specialist. - True. True. - My supervisor. "It's almost certainly almost entirely TH-232. "This has a-". - I was gonna say. - "This has a half life that is longer. "than the age of the universe, "so its activity will be extremely low. "It will off gas radon-220, which is an alpha emitter. "that you don't really wanna breathe, "but it will produce this at an extremely low rate.

"Welding rods and the mantles for gas lanterns. "are both typically thoriated and pose no significant risk. "Unless you've been licking it. "or inhaling powdered thorium from it, "I think any dose is likely to be marginal. "compared to background exposure. "If you've kept it in a cupboard in its shielding. "for most of the time, "I'm pretty certain you have nothing to worry about.". It's like as long as you're not licking it. Yeah, well, it's gross. - What's up? - Well, yeah, it tastes really bad. So I don't have much.

Wow. Hilarious. - That's awesome. - I'm glad that it's not, like we joke, but I'm glad that he's not dying from this. - I'm glad he's doing all right. Yeah, I'm glad. - I think flea markets are pretty cool. I go pretty often to find cool little things. And I'd like to also not die. - Well, you have some-. - You should bring your Geiger counter next time. - You have slightly radioactive stuff, right? - I have some uranium glass, which is cool, but I keep it behind like glass. So it's not... The particles it emits like they literally go like (whines).

and they just sort of, they don't go very far. The problem is if it's chipped or scratched in any way, that's when it's dangerous. So people have gotten me gifts before. They're like, "I got you this.". I'm like, "Thank you.". And I have to immediately like toss it. because it is dangerous. - Wait, people get you uranium glass as gifts? - I had like an a family friend. who's like much, much older be like, "I heard you liked this. "I had some of this in my house.". And I'm like, "That's so nice, thank you.". And I was grateful but it was not in a state to be safe.

And then I had one person send a gift to the PO box one time. that was just, it was like a little milk glass clown. It was like a really cool thing. And there wasn't an issue. It's just the kind of thing if it was chipped. or scratched it would've been. But it was well wrapped. and I was like, "This is really cool.". So I kept it. - Wow. - [Damien] But yeah. - You like stuff if it's radioactive or haunted. (crew laughs). - Both. Preferably both. - I do, yeah. Well, what is radiation if not the haunting of the universe? - I like that. - That's Michio Kaku.

Just kidding. I made it up. - Particle haunting. All right, our next story. - Oh yay. - Whoo-hoo. - "Today I messed up by never flushing toilet paper.". - Okay. - Uh-oh. - We got somebody that did not grow up in the US. This is a thing. - Okay. "If I read this title yesterday morning, "I would've been like, 'Okay? Why is that a (beep) up?'. "But after last night, "I have realized this is what normal people do.

"For backstory, I would never flush my used toilet paper. "for two reasons. "The first reason being that when I was a little kid, "a plumber had to come and mess around. "with the tank in the back. "and said that a bunch of baby wipes were flushed. "and not to do that. "My mom specifically told me, "do not flush anything that's not shit down the toilet.". - Oh. - "So that's what I did from that point forward. "The second reason was because there was always a trash can. "next to the toilet, so naturally my brain went, "this is where the toilet paper goes instead of the toilet. "And I would always put it in there.

"So that's the premise. "Slightly more backstory. "I've been seeing my girlfriend for a few years, "and in her parents' house, "she also has the same toilet trash setup. "The key difference is being that there's never a bag in it. "and there was never anything inside of it. "So I would flush the toilet paper down the toilet. "because I didn't wanna get shit on the bin. "But I would feel really guilty. "because I thought it would (beep) up their pipes. "So I would actively avoid using the bathroom. "at her parents' house. "Fast forward a year. "and we moved in together in an apartment,

"and I made it a point to grab a trash can with a lid. "for the bathroom so that it doesn't smell in there. "and a bunch of trash bags. "My girlfriend was confused but didn't really question me. "So this is where the (beep) up happens.". This is where the (beep) up. - Oh. - Okay. - Get ready. Here it is. - Okay. Yeah, here it comes. - "Last night I was visiting my mom. "with my girlfriend and her family, "so in total there's about 10 of us. "Earlier that day I had gone to Dave's Hot Chicken. "and got the reaper sandwich.". - Yikes. - "Which was now running through me with a vengeance.

"I went to the bathroom, did my deed, "then decided to be thoughtful and not stink up the bathroom. "by taking out the trash with the now used toilet paper. "I walked through the living room with the bag. "to throw it in the trash outside when my mom asked me. "why I was throwing the bathroom trash out, it wasn't full. "I said, 'So that it wouldn't stink up the bathroom. "'because I'm thoughtful like that.'. "My mom looked so confused. "and asked me why the trash would smell. "Keep in mind this is in front of everyone. "I'm close with my girlfriend's family at this point, "so I jokingly said, 'What? Am I not supposed to wipe?'.

"I cannot understate how quiet that room got. "I have tinnitus. "and I swear even that went away for a few seconds. "I just thought the joke didn't land. "So I went outside, threw the trash out, "and then came back inside to everyone. "still just as confused as I was. "My girlfriend's brother, who is my age, "asked me if I was serious. "I said I was. "And me being the dumbass I am decided this was a good time. "to bring up how weird it was that at their house, "they didn't have a bag in the trash.

"and that I felt guilty every time I flushed toilet paper. "down the toilet. "Everyone started laugh crying. "Apparently it is actually very normal. "to flush toilet paper down the toilet. "and I was the weird one here. "A 24-year-old, fully formed adult. "was not aware of the fact toilet paper. "can go down the drain and not cause issues. "I tried to justify myself. "to which there was no justification I could give. "and spent the rest of the night embarrassed. "And now my girlfriend's entire family. "and my entire family knows that for at least 18 years.

"I was not flushing my used toilet paper. "Edit, to people asking how the (beep). "my mom didn't notice shit covered toilet paper. "in the trash for years, fair point.". - Yeah. - "We had two bathrooms in the house. "One for the kids and one for my parents in their room. "My mom taught us to clean our own bathroom. "at like eight or nine, "so she would never really have a reason. "to go into our bathroom and vice versa. "She moved to a smaller house where she is currently living. "and where I lived up until recently. "that had only one bathroom for everyone, "three people including myself.

"How did neither of them not notice? "No idea. "I wouldn't just toss it in the trash though. "I would turn it shit side down, "so it's only the white side as a way to be polite.". - Sure. - "If it got on the bag, "I would just toss another piece of toilet paper. "to cover it up. "So unless you went rooting around in the bathroom trash, "which literally no one does, you wouldn't see it.". - [Ian] Yeah. - I have started to notice. that this is actually kind of more common than I thought. of people having very odd bathroom habits,

like pooping habits and not ever knowing. because it's a solitary act. - Yeah. - So there's no one there to correct you. There's that famous clip from a radio show. where a guy's talking about he's like, "You don't catch the poop when you poop?". - In the toilet paper. That's what I thought this was gonna be about. - He's like, "Oh, you catch it. "Like, you're supposed to catch it.". And she's like, "You've been catching your poop this whole time?". And he is literally blown away. that this is not what everyone does. - Yeah. - But I'm like, to be fair, we don't talk about this. - No. Yeah, yeah.

- When was anyone gonna realize? So I'm like, I get it. I'm a little mad at the mom for like making fun of him. I'm like, she told you don't flush anything. - It's gotta be so scary to have kids. You can (beep) up so easy forever. One statement. - Guys, I got a great idea. You know, I think I'm gonna leave this. and become a kindergarten teacher. - [Emily] No. - No. - Just to tell 'em the craziest shit. - I don't think they'll let you at this point. - Yeah, okay, 'cause I thought the story.

was gonna go somewhere slightly different. because I knew of somebody. that grew up in a different country-. - Sure. - Where the plumbing wasn't good, so you would have to throw your toilet paper in the trash. But then when they immigrated with their family to the US, they didn't, or at least this person didn't know. that you could flush, so they were doing the same exact thing. at like friends' houses and stuff, not knowing that you can do that here. - Yeah. - I feel so much anxiety.

whenever there's like a bathroom story. where like we've had so many Reddit stories where it's like, "And then the toilet flooded. "and then I fell into the tub," and like all these things. And it sounds like when he is describing like, "Well, if the poop gets there, I cover it up.". This is like every bathroom experience. for this person was like an event. - I know. - Of like, "I have to fix this.". I get like hearing something as a kid. and not being corrected. What I'm curious about is like municipal bathrooms, like school bathrooms. Obviously you're flushing everywhere else in the world.

Or like if you're even at a coffee shop, like there might be a trash can-. - Well, that's why you bring the poop bag. - You gotta bring your own poop bag and that's very polite. - [Shayne] And a poop knife. - And a knife in the bag. And it looks like a crime. And, but no, there's like a trash can across the way. Like, there's enough situations that like, I feel like even with natural curiosity, you just say to your friend like, man, don't you wish we could have the kind of toilets. at home that they do at the coffee shop. Like, it's just shocking it never came up. - Public bathrooms had to have been tough. 'cause there's no trash cans in public bathrooms.

- So he must have flushed them. - Nah, he was just doing Kobe. - Just hope he got lucky. - Some guy, "Ah, ah, ah!". (everyone laughs). (Shayne shrieks). Yeah, Marilyn, the day got worse. I gotta go. Click. - [Emily] Y'all don't have trash cans in your stalls? - No. Men's bathroom-. - Well, some do because they're like gender inclusive. So like some even like men's restrooms, they'll have like a little like something to the side. in case somebody needs to throw away a product. But not often. - [Emily] That's what we got. - Most public bathrooms I know of the toilet's like,

like in an airport or something, they do not have trash cans. - The airport I just went to did. - Next to the toilet? - Yeah. They got a few. - [Shayne] Dang. - Bro, you go to woke airports? That's crazy. - Oh man. - Do you guys get Xboxes in your stalls? - I feel bad. I feel really bad when I hear about these types. of bathroom things where people have a misconception. that they just live with 'cause I'm like, oh yeah, like you're saying, the bathroom was just like a lot of work. - Yeah.

- Like, this is an extra step you were doing. that you didn't need to do. That sucks. And I'm so sad. I'm glad he learned now. - How old is this person? - 24. - 24. - Okay, that's not that bad. - Not horrible. - Yeah, it is. What do you mean? - I mean, you know, that's-. - Well, I guess it's not as bad as 25, but like 24 sucks. - Now a big lifestyle change. Look, I-. - This person's so free now. They're just like, "And I just drop it into the toilet.". - I know. So much less work. I scoffed at it for a long time and then I got a bidet.

and I was like, this is great. - Oh yeah. - Dude, I got-. - It's wild, man. - Are we all bidet bros here? - Yes, I have a bidet with a heated seat and it's lovely. - I've got my bidet on fire hose setting, so it helps me stand up. (everyone laughs). - Do you have the like, whoa! - I hover above my toilet. - It's "Mario Sunshine". it's the second thing from "Mario Sunshine". - I never realized that thing in "Mario Sunshine". is just a bidet. - It was, and then Mario changed his life. 'Cause for years he was like, scientists were like, "We should make a sentient bidet.".

And it was just the worst existence. - Yeah. - You know that guy that does like the breathing exercises? Wim Hof? - Yeah. - He like perforated his colon. because he was using like a fountain as like a bidet. - [Emily] Oh! - Hmm. - Thank you. - He became the fountain. - Yeah. - Well... Anyways-. - Don't use public fountains as bidets. - Yeah, I would say so. - Hear that, everyone? Now you know. - We have some comments here. "Hey, if it makes you feel any better,

"I cleaned bathrooms in retail for a few years. "and you're not the only one. "I found a shocking amount of shit paper. "in the trash receptacles on a regular basis.". - Yeah. - So he is one of many. Someone said, "To be frank, a lot of countries have piping systems. "that don't support toilet paper, "so it's not an unreasonable thing to conclude. "Your mom gave you shitty instructions, "which led to your shitty situation. "This varies from location to location. "Almost everywhere I've been you flush toilet paper. "But where I was in Brazil for example, "we were instructed not to.". So if he does travel to other countries,

he's gonna be very prepared-. - That's true. - For the life there. So... - People will like check in after. and just be like (applauds). - Wow. You're really cool, man. - Like, you get it. Thanks for doing your research. - Anyways, next story. "Today I messed up. "by telling a stranger his triceps looked yummy.". - Oh. - Oh. - Okay. - And, Shayne, I apologize. - It's okay. Thank you, Ian. "I am a 35-year-old man,

"happily married to a woman with two kids. "Much to her chagrin, I am a chatterbox. "I love chatting with a stranger, "getting a piece of their story, and making a new friend. "I've been going to my local gym for five plus years. "It's a fairly close community, "so I know most people that go there, "especially the 5:00 to 7:00 AM crowd. "Well, last week there was a new guy there in the morning. "around my age that I'd never seen there before. "So in true me fashion, I strike up a conversation, "introducing myself, getting his name, "talking about our workouts, et cetera, et cetera. "Super nice guy. "Fun conversation until I finish off with,

"'Well, it was good chatting. "'Sure we'll see each other again. "'Keep working on those triceps. "'They look yummy.'". - Oh. - "I have never used yummy to describe anything. "Not to mention just a weird thing to say. "to anyone in my opinion.". - [Damien] Yeah. - "He gave me the most 'what the (beep)?' Look. "I've ever received. "I get all flustered, apologize, "say, 'Not sure why I said that.'. "Went to the other side of the gym and finished my workout, "hoping to God he doesn't need to come to my side. "I do public speaking for a living.

"I rarely get flustered. "I've been thinking about it for three days. "and want to find a new gym. "TLDR, tried to bro down with a stranger at the gym, "told him his triceps were yummy. "as we were wrapping up the conversation. "I was mortified. "He was hella weirded out. "And I'm now looking at options to leave the country.". - Okay, here's where he (beep) up, when you say something so out of pocket like that, you just gotta double down on it. - Yeah. - You gotta be like, "Yeah, they look yummy. "I just wanna munch on 'em. (growls)".

You have to establish dominance. You can't let the other person, you know, make you feel bad. - He's gotta put a foot up on a bench. and drape a towel over his shoulder and go, "You know Justin Bieber 'Yummy'? "Triceps.". - Yeah. - Yeah. - And just be like (barks). - 'Cause if you acknowledge that it was weird-. - Lick your lips. (everyone laughs). - If you apologize for it, you've lost. You've lost. - Yeah. I will say like, yeah, I think there's something to that.

Honestly I think you have to like double down. by like doing it to someone else, like people that you know and just be like, "Hey, Chris, good to see you, man. "Hey, keep your day yummy.". Like, "Hope your workout's yummy.". And then just be like, oh, that's my thing now. That's what I say. - That's what I've been doing forever. Oh boy. And those biceps, (beep)-able. (everyone laughs). - Or you can like, I don't know, if you know people in the gym have them do it too. and just be like, "Hey dude, the squats you were doing looked yummy.".

Like, they gotta have your back. - Yeah, it's true. - I think there's worse things. you can say. - Gotta spot someone. - I feel like you can recover-. - Oh, there's worse things. - You can recover from yummy. - Yeah. - As long as you're like-. - Name them. (everyone laughs). - I mean, as long as like it didn't come off. as like sexual harassment, you know? - [Shayne] Totally. - It does a little bit. - It does a little bit, but if it's like, but if it's from bro to bro, you know? - I'm imagining though that the way, his phrasing of it, like his, you know, annunciation of-.

- Yeah, those triceps look a little yummy. - I think he was saying like, "Oh yeah, your triceps are looking great.". But like, what he said was like, "Oh yeah, and your triceps are looking yummy, man.". And just being like... - It's worse that you didn't do anything with it. You weren't like, "Yummy!". It's like, "Oh, your triceps look yummy.". Like, it's worse that it's normal. - Like, it doesn't, it's like the way you're pronouncing it. doesn't sound like sexual harassment, even though the phrasing of it does. - It's rough. - It's also rough. that it's somewhere between 5:00 and 7:00 AM.

It's 6:00 AM in the morning. when he is saying this to this guy. - That makes a lot more sense 'cause my brain is-. - Oh, my brain is fried. - [Ian] Not working. - I don't typically like talking to people at the gym. 'cause I go early in the morning. and I'm just like, I'm out of it. Like, I am on autopilot here. - Yeah, that's definitely like Torte Tuli-O. kind of like zone. - Yeah. Someone said, "Ain't nothing wrong. "with appreciating a fellow bro's yumminess.". Someone else said, "I would just move to another continent. "and start a new life on a farm.".

Someone said, "Okay, I feel this. "I used the word tasty to compliment a coworker. "on her recent nails from the salon. "They were a creamy, pinkish, icing like color. "and legit looked delicious. "Oh, they did not let me live that one down.". Someone said, "You should have clarified. "that you have select tastes in human flesh. "That would've solved the matter for sure.". Someone said, "It would be kind of funny. "if this is how you found out you're bisexual.". - Oh. - Interesting. You know, I feel bad like making fun of this guy. because I do think it's great to like compliment people.

It's great to like support people. There doesn't always have to be this underlying current. of like, oh, what if you're attracted or whatever. Like, if you are, great, but like it's wonderful to just support people, but not everybody's down for that. And I feel like yummy is like a 10 outta 10 on the-. - It's a guy he just met. - Yeah. No, yeah. - I actually think like, in some ways it's better. that it was not like some, like a woman that he just started talking to. - Oh, in that way, I wouldn't be like, "Ha ha, you have to move.". I'd be like, "Ha ha. Stay away from her forever.".

I'd be like, "You have to go.". - Please, please don't call the cops. It's rough though. - Just give me a three minute head start to run first. - He did say that he followed up by saying, "I don't know why I said that.". Like, he did clarify that he immediately was like, "Oh, I don't know why I said that. "That's silly.". - See, I feel like that, yeah. When you do that though, then it's like, oh, I don't know. I think it makes it more weird. - Interesting. - I think you just gotta lean in, you know? - I don't know the tuck and roll for this situation.

(everyone laughs). I don't know how you lean into any of it. - Okay, what would we do if we were on the receiving end. of being told our triceps are yummy? - I've had compliments like that that make me, I just go like, "Oh. "Okay. Thank you very much.". - Exactly. That would be my reaction. - Sort of show like a little bit like, "All right.". But I still say like, "Thanks so much.". - I think, like I said, it's a lot based on the body language. and the way they're saying it. that I'm like, I'm getting that this guy's not saying it. in any sort of like harassing sexual way.

- Yeah. - He's saying it in such a casual nonchalant way. that I'm like, oh, maybe you are just a guy who's a jokester. or whatever. Like, just that's how you are. I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt. - Sure. - But it would definitely, you'd be thinking about it. - You're not starting at zero with this person. You're a little in the red. (Shayne laughs). You've gotta like build back. - You have a little debt. - You have a little debt, yeah. - Yeah. It's hilarious to read about though. - And, Shayne, those pants, scrumptious. - Thank you. - They actually, they do look like a nice tomato paste.

And I like that. - [Shayne] Thank you. - Oh, like a vodka sauce. - I'd say definitely a vodka sauce. - Yeah, like a-. (beep). - Yeah, like a vodka sauce. What are we saying? Vodka sauce? - Yeah, I think we're saying a vodka sauce. - Poll the room. Vodka sauce? - Little pasta diabolo. - Our next story. "Today I messed up. "I fell asleep in the bathtub.". Scary. - Ooh, that is scary. - Ooh, pruny. - "So I have the flu. "and a bunch of mini issues that came with that. "Ear infection, nausea, headaches, et cetera. "So for the first time in a very long time,

"I decided I was gonna soak in a bath. "I have like three bath bombs. "in the back of my bathroom cupboard. "I've had for maybe about two years. "because I usually shower, not bathe. "And I decided I wanted to use the glittery peach one. "To my horror, and apparently my husband's, "that peach glitter bath bomb is neither peach nor glittery, "but the closest red I've seen to blood. "I'm soaking and I knock out. "I must be a shallow breather. "From what I was told I was faced away from the door. "and the way my hair draped down made me look.

"as though I was faced down in the water.". - Oh. - "I am a very, very, very heavy sleeper. "I have like 20 morning alarms to wake up. "and still tend to get up late. "So my husband touching my leg didn't wake me up, "nor did his scream. "And apparently my skin felt ice cold. "My brother-in-law runs in and starts freaking out, "running back to find his phone, "and my husband tries to grab and hold me. "I imagine this was very dramatic. "And in that process, "my head goes under the water for a second. "and I pop up because I got water in my nose.

"I'm confused as to why my husband is crying. "My brother-in-law runs back in thanking God, "and husband is trying to find out. "where the blood was coming from. "I'm obviously terrified by the audience. "while I am butt naked in this bath. "And as if it couldn't get worse, "I was asleep so long the bubbles were gone, "so I was just exposed. "I yelled at them to get out and just stood up and showered. "Definitely not a fan of this situation. "Gonna stick to showers. "Gonna avoid my brother-in-law for the rest of my life.". We have a photo of the bath water, and it's like a...

- Yeah. - It's like a vodka sauce. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. Wow. - Oh my god. - That's so sad. - That is awful. - Yeah. - It doesn't matter, well, it does in the end, you know, but it doesn't matter if it's like real or not, your brain is experiencing that. Like, they went through the trauma of finding your wife dead. and bleeding in the bathtub. - Oh God.

- That happened to that person. That sucks. And yes, it's violating when she was like, "Yeah, it sucks that I was naked too.". I'm like, that does, but also like, but also-. - Yeah, it's kind of bad. But if we were gonna rank 'em. - That's like a little embarrassing, but like he was going through five stages of grief. in one moment, wailing. Oh God. - Oh my god. That is the king of all the mess ups. that we've read about today. That is the worst one. - Yep. - I fell asleep in the bathtub.

and caused unrepairable trauma. to my husband and brother-in-law. - On the plus side, now we know what our next April fools joke is gonna be. for Smosh. - Yeah... - I've never been more grateful that we don't have a bathtub. at Smosh. - Yet. (Shayne laughs). - I saw a little movie called "Nightmare Before Christmas". They got ones with legs that can walk, and I think-. - Oh. - I think that's what we need. - Ooh, I love that little clawfoot tub-. - Yeah. - That crawls around. Okay. - I like that. I like that. - Oh my god.

Also just kind of dangerous to fall asleep in a bathtub. - Yeah. That's actually so dangerous. - I guess like looking at the water here, it's not too deep. Like, it's a little shallow. - That must be. a damn good bath bomb. - I think she just had the flu real bad. - Yeah. That does sound really nice. I want a bath right now. - I don't think, no. - I see what you're up to. and we're gonna find you dead, we think. - Ah, you got me. You got me. - That's terrifying. - That's awful. - That is horrible. - That's really awful.

Someone said, "On the positive side, "it's nice to know that your family love you. "and ran around like the proverbial decapitated chickens. "to help the best they could.". - Well, yeah! - No, you don't have to love somebody to be horrified. by thinking you're coming across a corpse. - Steven, come look at this shit. - Oh my god. - Yep. - That's so embarrassing. - Ah, dude. All right. Who do we call for this? - Oh my god. Her blood smells like peaches. (everyone laughs). - I told her she needed to cut down on the sugar.

- OP responded, "They are super loving. "It's funny because they're seriously assholes kind of, "bully me often, but when I'm sick or hurt, "they both spring into action. "and help me in whatever way they can.". Someone said, "I work in 9-1-1 dispatch. "If someone called. "and we were told what you described in this post, "it would straight up go out to the firefighters. "as an obvious death.". Lastly, someone said, "Could be worse. "My friend fell asleep in the tub with it running. "and ruined like three apartments all at once, "so it could have been expensive and embarrassing.". - Damn. - And actually dying. Sorry.

- Yeah, yeah, or actually dying. Oof. Ah. Wow. That might be the worst Today I messed Up I've ever read. Like, I don't know how you mess up worse than that. - I think because-. - Like, in an innocent way, right? - Yeah, sure, sure. - As opposed to like, there's Today I Messed Ups. where it's like, "Oh, I committed a crime.". It's like, okay. - Yeah. - She didn't technically do anything wrong. - Right. Nothing really actually happened. - But like as far as like "Curb Your Enthusiasm". types of things happen. - That is a "Curb Your Enthusiasm".

- This is probably the worst one I've ever read. - Huge. - Yeah. - Yeah. I can't think of doing something worse than that. - Yeah. - Without committing a crime, - I could. - Okay, go-. - [Damien] I'll save it. - Okay. Our final story, and this one is awesome. - [Ian] Okay. - "Today I messed up by making a five big booms joke. "on a first date.". - What? - [Shayne] Aw. - Is this you? - Oh, I'm so sorry you fell asleep in the bathtub.

We'll give it a boom. (everyone laughs). "Wow. "I never thought I'd post on the subreddit like this, "but I came back from a first date a couple of hours ago. "and I'm still feeling absolutely mortified. "So maybe writing it out will feel cathartic. "I, a 20-year-old woman, recently downloaded Hinge. "for the first time and began swiping. "I've never gone out on a date through a dating app before. "So safe to say, I was absolutely shitting bricks. "for tonight's first date with Brian, 22-year-old man. "Although we started talking off of the app. "prior to the date, we hadn't actually spoken on the phone.

"So I didn't really know what to expect. "in terms of how our conversation would flow in person. "Fast forward to tonight. "and we ended up meeting at this cute paint bar. "Everything was going great. "until the topic of pets was brought up. "He noticed the lock screen of my cat. "and asked if it was mine. "I said yes and asked about his pets. "As I remembered, he had a pic with two dogs on his profile. "He got out his phone to show me pictures of them, "and sadly told me how one of them, "a white crunchy looking Yorkie named Roxy, "had recently passed after New Year's.

"Now I have no idea what possessed me in that moment.". - Oh no. - "Maybe Satan. "Maybe Satan, maybe Roxy. "But I simply responded, 'Aw, she gets five big booms.'". - Oh no! Oh, the brain rot. The brain rot. No! - If she died after New Year's-. - Did she do it? - Please tell me it. doesn't have anything to do with fireworks. - Did she just sit there and go, "Boom!". - [All] Boom, boom, boom, boom!

- He's like, "Roxy exploded.". - And then after that he's like, he goes, "What?". And she just goes... (everyone laughs). "He weirdly looked at me and just went, 'What?'". (everyone laughs). "It was in that moment I knew I (beep) up. "He didn't get the reference. "I knew I had already shot myself in the foot when I said it. "as I'm awful when it comes to sensitive topics. "like death or grieving. "But I had hoped he'd let out a little laugh. "and we'd move on. "But no, I initially tried sweeping it under the rug. "by saying, oh, it's nothing. "It's just from this silly video.

"But he proceeded to ask me to show it to him. "I awkwardly laughed and went, 'Really?'. "Really. "So I opened up TikTok and showed him the clip. "Brian and I'm assuming Roxy, RIP, didn't find it funny. "He just sat there and went, 'Oh, I get it now.'. "From that point, I knew the date was doomed, "so I just gave him an apology.". - Oh, she got, the date got a doom. - Yeah, it got a doom. "From that point, I knew the date was doomed. "So I just gave him an apologetic smile.

"and tried to make the most of things. "by placating the situation. "Thankfully we were wrapping up with our paintings by then. "All in all, now I know not to try to lighten the mood. "of a grieving dog parent by bringing up a brain rot joke. "Especially on a first date. "Sorry, Brian, and sorry, Roxy. "You deserve more than five big booms.". - Especially on a last date actually. - Yeah. Final date. - Yikes. - Final date. - I just love like having to explain Costco Guys. in the year 2025.

- It's all about the Rizzler now. - Yeah. - The Rizzler's taken over. - Yeah. - Cornered the market. - Oof. I gotta give people a little bit of grace on a first date. Like, if I'm on a first date. and you're hitting it off and one awkward joke gets said, I'm like, we're nervous. Like, I think a great thing, like when I used to, when I was dating is like kind of establishing. that you're nervous on a first date. Just being like, "Oh my god, I'm so nervous. "Like, this is so weird.". 'Cause it is. Dates are weird. Especially first dates. - Yeah, 100%.

- So like if you (beep) up and say something like that, I'm like, come on. You didn't say something really insensitive. - No. And like, I think there's always this pressure. of trying to make yourself work for the other person. First date is like, let's try this out. Let's see how we interact. So, you know, yeah, that, you know, was not the best thing. to say about his dog passing, but there is somebody out there hopefully. that would be like, "Oh my god, that's so funny. "Like, I love that.". Like, your humor, like if you're not great with topics on death, they might not be either. That's how you both deal with it. You're not gonna work for Brian, 22.

- You don't fail a date. It's just like, oh, you guys weren't a connection. - Exactly. - That's all it is. - And some people, yeah, I mean like they don't deal. with like grief or loss in the same way as others. and some people use comedy. - Right. - Exactly. - It's just like-. - No, I mean-. - It's gotta match. You just kind of get hit with like an, because I'm sure they weren't expecting that dog to be dead. and so they panicked and then, you know, went to brain rot. - And that's fair.

And it's true. Like, I've met so many people. that in the like wake of like recent grief. will make a really dark joke. - Sure. - And you're just like, okay, like that's how you're handling that. - For me, I'll make a dark joke right off the bat. for myself, but for other people I really like to be, like maybe it's too vulnerable. Maybe someone doesn't wanna talk yet. So if I was just like, "Hey, I'm really sorry about, "you know, the loss of Roxy your dog.". Maybe they don't want that on a first date, and they're just like, "Ah, let's not kill the vibe, you know?". - [Shayne] Totally. - It's all about finding a match. - Totally. - Exactly. It's like, you know, you inhale some thorium,

get bone cancer. Like, ah, that's no very skibidi. - It's not. (everyone laughs). Pretty Ohio of you. - That's pretty Ohio of you. Some comments. "This post gets five big booms.". That had 2,000 up votes. Someone said, "If my date said this about my dead cat, "I'd think it was hilarious in its absurdity. "to be honest." - There you go. - Yeah. - Lastly, someone said, "This is almost cringier than (beep) to Cbat.". (Ian laughs). I don't get that reference. - [Emily] You read the story. (Ian vocalizes).

- Oh. - Yeah. - Cbat. I forgot the name of it. - Classic. Classic. - Update. - Oh. - Roxy's back! - She's now dating the father. The father guy. - He buried in the cemetery back there. You know, go up there and bury in the cemetery. - She's on date with Big Justice. - I think it's AJ Justice is the dad, right? - Oh, it's not Big Justice? Big Justice is... Who's Little Justice? I gotta brush up on my Costco guys lore. Sorry. - All right, onto the update.

"Oh my god. "I'm a little terrified. "at how over 800,000 people viewed my story, "but it looks like my faux pa. "made at least a few of you smile, so at least there's that. "Brian, which don't worry isn't his real name, "to all of our surprise texted me this morning. "saying how he had a good time last night. "and would like to see me again. "I guess the five big booms didn't scare him away after all. "In all seriousness though, "thank you for the much needed laugh. "And for those who were disappointed by my TikTok usage, "try not to worry about the future generation too much.

"We can be driven. "and also enjoy an extremely dumb joke here and there.". Nice. - That's sweet. - Yeah. - That's good. - Hey. Boom! (everyone laughs). - Of course we like a chocolate chunk cookie. - Wow. Well, it all worked out. - Yeah. - [Shayne] Pretty cool. - We haven't checked up on the thorium guy. We don't know if that worked out. - That one sounds like it'll be okay. with the sort of half life situation. - Given the half life three. - Well no, the half life is, oh, got it.

- And this is where we announce. we're sponsored by "Half-Life 3". Guys, it's coming. - It's coming. And it's a Smosh exclusive. - And it's also only gonna be on VR that you don't own. - And I'm Gordon Freeman. - He's Gordon Freeman. - You are. That is lore. - It's what we're announcing today. - Thank you both for being here. Thank you for not messing this up. - There's still time, but thank you. - Okay. (crew laughs). - Yeah, thanks for dealing. with my slightly less than normal voice. - I forgot about it. Is this now your normal voice? - This is what your normal voice sounds like now.

- Okay, okay. Change is weird but I think I'm okay with it. - All right, awesome. Thank you for watching and let us know what other themes. and subreddits you'd like to see on this show. And let us know your big mess ups down in the comments below. and we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye!