They Did WHAT?! | Reading Reddit Stories

(upbeat festive music). - Welcome back to some wild Reddit stories. I'm Shayne, and today my guests are Tommy and Noah. - Yay! (laughs) - Yay, cozy Saturday! - Yay! - Yay! - We have a little bit of a theme today. I would say it's stories. that make you do a little double take. - Make you go "What?". - Stories that make you go, "Uh, excuse me?" (crew laughing). - Double take three times. - Yeah. Whoa? (crew laughing). - Boing! - Yeah, so we have some very silly decisions.

being made by people. - Love that. I do that every day. - Yeah. Well, let's see if you can relate to these people. - I'm sure we can. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - Let's just hop right in. - Yeah. - Let's go. - Okay, first story, classic "Am I the asshole?". - Yes. - Am I the... ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). Yeah. "Yeah, yeah, for sure.". (chyron whooshing). "Am I the asshole for not participating. in my friend's scheme to convince a restaurant.

to buy his ketchup?". All right, I think there's layers here. (crew laughing) ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - "My friend Zoltar.". - No! - Fake name! - Okay, okay. - That's the fake name they choose? - That's the fake name they went with, is Zoltar. "My friend Zoltar, he grants wishes.". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). "My friend Zoltar," fake name, "has been obsessed with ketchup ever since I met him. He is always trying out different recipes.

to make his own ketchup. and getting me and all our friends to try them. Recently, he made his best ketchup yet. I tried it. It wasn't bad. It was ketchup. Now he has decided he is finally going. to break into the ketchup game.". - Oh, okay. - He's gonna take down Heinz. Finally, someone's gonna do it. - He's gonna take down Heinz. Talk about a monopoly, it's like. - Listen, Hunt's tried, but no, they couldn't do it. - "He is convinced. he's going to launch is own ketchup company. and grow it to be one of the top providers of ketchup. in the US. He literally has a photo of Heinz ketchup on a dartboard.

He throws darts at it and mutters things like, 'I'm coming for you!' (crew laughing). Anyways, he has a scheme he wants me and others. to participate in. Essentially, it involves all of us going to a restaurant, sitting at different tables. and enacting lines from a scene he wrote. It will culminate in all of us trying and loving his ketchup. and convincing the manager to buy it. He wants us all to memorize lines. The gist of it is one guy. is supposed to call over a waitress. and say he likes the french fries, but hates the ketchup.

I'm supposed to lean over from another table. and say, 'Sorry to butt in, ha, ha, but I have to agree. I'm tired of this old-fashioned, factory-produced ketchup. Where's the real tomato flavor?'. After a few other people do this, Zoltar is going to say, 'You guys won't believe this, but I'm a ketchup chef and I have a few samples. Would you wanna give it a shot?'. At this point, everyone is supposed to try the ketchup. and act astounded by it, and basically all exclaim. it is the best ketchup they ever had.

I'm supposed to stand up on my table. and make a trumpet sound effect. and then yell to the entire restaurant, 'We have the best ketchup ever made over here! Everyone come on over!'. One of the other people. is supposed to get the manager of the place over. and we are all supposed to try to convince him or her. to buy and order of my friend's ketchup. Zoltar is going to act surprised and embarrassed, and try to tell us to stop putting this poor guy, the manager, on the spot. He then assumes he'll make a huge sale. Then he wants to do this same operation.

at other places in town. I told him there's no way I am doing this. I hate public speaking/acting. and having attention focused on me. Also, the idea is just so (bleep) dumb and crazy to me. I told him that straight up. He acted offended and said I am ruining his dreams. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). I am astounded by this, but some of my friends agree. and think he is showing hustle. and that we should all help him launch his ketchup business. Aside from his ketchup obsession, Zoltar is one of my best friends,

but it seems our friendship is being ruined. A lot of people are telling me I am a jerk. for going against his dream and not helping out.". - I love this screenplay. - Yeah, it's very fun. (crew laughing). I love the trumpet sound effects. - This can't be real. - I mean, it's possible it's not real, but I don't know. - Think about the genius here, okay? When you- - Yeah, I'm ready. - Right, when you're starting your first business, what are you told? You're told to make a lemonade stand, right? - Yes. - Lemons, a lemonade stand.

Well, that market's already cornered. How many kids are there, right? How many blocks can you sell lemons? - Yeah. - Right? - Yeah. - At some point, the tomatoes are gonna start going bad. No one's buying them. You're gonna get 'em on discount, right? - Yeah. - And then you make your own ketchup. - Yeah. - And then you stand. next to the lemonade stand and you sell ketchup. It's a great idea. - You had me for a long time. - I'm trying to understand the reasoning here. It's so... That's like someone saying. that they're gonna take on Smuckers,

and their plan is to go to the local Kroger, get three people to fake shop, and say, "Man, I hate this factory-made strawberry jam!". - "Where's the tomato flavor?" ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). Like, it was the standup on the table, and do the (making trumpet noises). "Guys, we've got good!". It's like no one... I'd be like. - Yeah, wait, is that "Pulp Fiction?". 'cause maybe someone else in there. - Oh, yeah. - Would enact then the "Pulp Fiction" scene. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - The manager pulls out a wallet that says, "Bad mother(bleep)" and he's like,

"I am not buying this ketchup. Do you see this wallet?". See, I don't even know if this is... At no point do I feel like he has described. that he's going about the, like, legal way of starting a business. - That's true. - Right. - So I'm like, if, is he just bringing this. straight from his kitchen to a restaurant and saying, "Use this ketchup.". Like, I feel like there's a process. If this guy's making organic ketchup, he should try to get on "Shark Tank.". - You're right, you know? - And be like, "Sharks, don't you hate Heinz? Don't you wish you...

Don't you miss that tomato flavor?". - "I've got 57 reasons why my ketchup is better.". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - Let's see, I just don't know if many people are upset. with how Heinz ketchup tastes. I think it's pretty good. - I think people like ketchup. - This feels like a tough battle, and I think he's trying to go after Heinz too quickly. I think he should try to be like, "I make organic, natural ketchup,". and go to the right restaurants with that. Try to sell that. I gotta be honest,

if I'm presented with Heinz and then anything else, I hate to be a supporter of a monopoly, but like-. - Oh, yeah. - It's just... This is what it is. - Is it? When it comes to ketchup, I'm head empty. I'm grabbing the Heinz- - I don't care. I straight up do not care. - Grabbing that curvy bottle, hmm. - Yeah. Oh, glass bottle, glass bottle. - For sure. - Don't know why I did that. - That curvy, juicy, sexy bottle. - You know the plastic one that's like... - Yes. - Oh, yeah! And it makes a little fart. - All right, I can't move on without saying a hot take.

Plastic bottle ketchup, I think tastes like shit. The glass bottle... (Tommy shrieking). The glass bottle and the packets are good. - Yeah. - But the plastic bottle, for some reason, I think is garbage. - It's definitely worse. - The verdict, not the asshole, obviously. - Right. - Yeah. - This is insane. - Right. - Some comments... (crew laughing). Some comments, one comment says, "You're the asshole. Put me in touch with this man ASAP, please. I see promise here.". - Okay, that's insane. - So it a kinda light, that's a joke, you're the asshole. - It's Heinz with a sniper rifle typing that out. - Yeah, yeah.

- "Where is he? I'd like to see that guy." (laughs). - "Not the asshole. Good luck to Zoltar in taking down Big Ketchup. Heinz and Hunt's, you are on notice.". "Can your friend slap organic on it? He can charge $10 a bottle.". - See? - Mm-hmm. - Organic. - Mm-hmm. - "No one's an asshole, but all he has to do. is walk in and show them this ketchup. If they like it, they will buy it. (bleep) Ketchup chefs always scheming.". Also, ketchup chefs? - That's funny. - Ketchup chef, not a real thing. (laughs). Like, I feel like anyone who makes ketchup.

also makes other stuff. - Yeah. "No, I'm sorry. I only know one recipe, it's ketchup.". - "I only know how to mash tomatoes.". - You open a restaurant, get a plate and it's just ketchup. - Yeah. - He's got a red hat, one of those reds hats on. - Blood puddles. - Blood puddles. "Welcome to Blood Puddles. We've got ketchup.". - Do you guys have mustard? Ooh. (laughs). ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). Get outta my (bleep)... - Out. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). Our next story comes from r/Relationships. - Ooh. - Aw. - "I, an 18-year-old female, left my laptop open, and my sister, who's 15,

replaced everything in my hobbies and passions section. on my resume with just 'garlic bread' as a joke. (Noah laughing). I unknowingly sent it out to about 20 to 30 businesses, and now I have no idea what to do about it.". (Noah laughing) (crew laughing). Well, if one of 'em is Olive Garden... - (laughs) No way! - Then. "Yes Reddit, I know how hilarious this sounds. and I promise you this is not a joke, as I am genuinely freaking out right now.

I am soon finishing up secondary school, high school, and I'm looking for my very first job for the summer. When I was filling out my resume, I didn't have a lot of experience to mention, so I was advised to do a hobbies and passions section. I stupidly left my laptop out on the kitchen table today. while I went to the shop to get some tea, and my gobshite of a sister. thought it would be the joke of the century. to delete my hobbies and passions section. and replace everything with a single bullet point. saying 'garlic bread.'. Now, I had saved the Word document.

and closed it before leaving. She opened it, changed it without telling me, saved it and closed it before I came back. She knows bloody well. that I'm looking for jobs at the moment, and she knew I'd spent the afternoon working on my resume. Anyway, I came home with the tea. and knew I was happy with my resume. I didn't bother to recheck it. I had no idea someone would change it to garlic bread. while I was gone. I used it for multiple job applications. from an online hiring site, which had places hiring in my town. I'd say I sent this garlic bread resume. to about 20 to 30 institutions in total.

It was only after I sent them. that I decided to recheck my resume, when I noticed the horrific alteration. I am absolutely mortified. I immediately confronted my sister about it, getting a strong sixth sense. that she was the most likely culprit, and she thought it was (bleep) hilarious. She literally laughed until she cried, while I was standing there nearly crying. from stress and mortification. My sister has always been a joker, and she always gets away with bloody murder, but this was so serious. I'm sick of her pulling off this shite.

to everyone around her, thinking it's funny or cool or something. It was only when I explained to her. the full seriousness of the situation, and that I had sent it to 20 to 30 places. that she copped on and apologized. Not sure if she was being genuine, but the words I'm sorry definitely left her mouth. Then she had the audacity to blame me for it, asking me why I hadn't checked it before sending it off. I screamed at her that I had checked it multiple times. before leaving to get tea, and didn't expect anyone else to change it while I was gone. She then backpedaled. and insisted that she meant it as a joke,

with a 'just a prank, bruh' mentality, but I'm having none of it. I don't know what the hell to do now. to rectify the situation. I have never job hunted before. I don't know how serious this stupid mistake is. I live in a large enough Irish town, but small enough for businesses to spread gossip, so I'm terrified that they'll all know. not to hire the garlic bread girl. Should I email the places I applied to. explaining the situation, or will I sound like a complete knob? Technically, it is true that garlic bread. is a passion of mine.". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing).

- She's reasoning. - "Technically, it is true that garlic bread is a passion of mine, simply because it's delicious, but obviously it is not resume-worthy. The businesses probably think I'm taking the piss. and being extremely unprofessional. I'm so annoyed that this is my first impression. in the working world. I'm not even hired and I (bleep) up already. Should I resend them my application with my resume fixed? Should I move on and forget about the places I applied, and apply to new businesses with a rectified resume? Should I just (bleep) move town at this point, since I've clearly made a fool of myself already?

Also, how do I talk to my parents or sister. about her stupid, spoiled, bratty behavior?". That's awesome. (crew laughing). That's a pro-level move. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). That's a way to (bleep) with your sibling. - Yeah. - I respect it and I also love that, in my head, I'm picturing this all with an Irish accent. It makes me happy. - incredible. - I didn't need to hear them say Irish. and I was like this person's from. - Well, bloody shite, you know? - What was the first one? Gobshite? - Gobshite. - Gobshite. I'm surprised they didn't call it. like zingy toast or something. - I know. (Tommy laughing).

Figgy pudding. - Instead of garlic bread, they call it zingy toast. - Zingy toast. - Zingy toast. - I don't know, they got names for stuff. - I love zingy toast, yeah. - I didn't know that they had garlic bread in Ireland. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). "They have that there?". I love the like, "Well, okay, it is one of my passions.". (crew laughing) - Yeah. - No, well. - But also, who doesn't have a passion for garlic bread? (crew laughing). - True, true. - I... - In her head, the idea that she would be confronted with it. and she would have to stand her ground. and say, "No, I do in fact love garlic bread.

to the point of passion.". And then double-taking and saying, "Is that more reasonable, or is me leaving town completely more reasonable? Which one makes more sense?". - I think when you're 18 that that's a-. - Yeah. - That's how you think. You're like, "I gotta just get out.". - Honestly, it's one of the best pranks I've heard of. - I think if she resent the resume, now it's a lot of work, but if she resent it. and in her email be like, "Sorry, the last resume I sent was incomplete. I accidentally sent you an earlier draft. Here's the full..." - Like, before they even read the first one.

- Yeah. - Yeah. Try to get ahead of it, right? - Yeah. - Right. - I would show up in a garlic bread costume. - That's true. - Of course. (crew laughing) - You could commit. - And that's how you're gonna get hired. at the AM/PM. - Exactly. - The AM/PM? - The AM/PM in Ireland. - I don't know what she said. - "Welcome to AM/PM." - "AM/PM!". - "Welcome to AM/PM." ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - Yeah, I think that's probably the best solution. Just resend it. - Just resend it. - No, honestly, I don't think anyone cares. - Nobody gives a shit. - Yeah. - Nobody's gonna read that far. - Mm-hmm. - No. - Passion and hobbies? - No.

Also, don't put that on your resume. - Passions and hobbies- - No one cares. about your passions or hobbies. - So obviously it's really funny. How would you react if this happened to you? - Oh, the exact same way. I think gobshite is what I would yell as well. - I get a lot of stress over like work-related stuff. and especially like... I mean, the only thing I have a comparison to. is like auditions for stuff, and dude, the stress of that is intense. If someone (bleep) with my resume or anything-.

- [Noah] Yeah. - About how I come across, I'd freak out, 'cause I'm so terrified of coming across. the wrong way to people. - Did you just freak me out? Every time you upload a self-tape or anything, and you're like, "Did I do the right take?". Like, the idea that you would even put the wrong one, like, oh, my... That would kill me. I actually couldn't recover personally for a long time, so while I'm laughing, that would... It would break me for a while. - I'm stuck on why are you applying to 20 places at once? - I don't know what kinda jobs they have in Ireland. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing) (crew laughing).

- Shut the (bleep) up. - I love just sayin' bullshit. about Ireland. It's funny. No, I wanna visit, I hear it's great. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). "I don't know, I'm not allowed there. My family left in the 1800's and I can't go back.". - Yeah. - Some comments here. "If you have 100 applicants for a job. and someone sends you a resume. with garlic bread all over it, it would absolutely get tossed. I might be curious, but not enough to waste my time.". OP responded, "How about if it was mentioned only once. and everything else was okay?" (crew laughing).

Someone else said, "Your sister was seriously a dick for doing that, but she might've done you a favor. I have a couple of things on my resume. that have absolutely no bearing on my field, but get me interviews because they make me seem. a little more relatable and interesting. I know this because employers have specifically said. it's what made them bring me in.". Someone else said, "Did you apply to any Italian restaurants?". (Noah laughing). OP responded, "I did actually. Hopefully I'll hear from them. I can speak a little bit of Italian too. I'm winning here.". - "Garlic bread." (crew laughing). Nope. - Wait,

is she like really about garlic bread? - I guess she... Maybe the sibling was doing her a favor. Maybe it was like, "Her passion's garlic bread, but she doesn't realize." - I know this. "She never says it, but she makes the bread by hand.". - "Rebecca, your life passion is garlic bread, but you aren't owning it.". She's like, "No, I can't." (crew laughing). - I mean, garlic bread is great. Personally, if I had to choose garlic bread, Texas toast, I'm a Texas toast guy. - Mm-hmm. What's that? - It's the same thing in a different shape. (laughs). - No, it's not.

That's not the same at all. - Yeah, it's the same thing. - Texas toast is more. like a type of bread. Like- - Yeah, it's like. a country-style white bread. - Garlic bread. is how the bread is like seasoned, I feel like. - It's just garlic butter, right? - Texas toast is what you get in like... Raising Cane's. has Texas toast. - A barbecue restaurant? - Yeah, it's that big fat. - Fat. - I've had garlic Texas toast. - I mean, you can make French toast with Texas toast. It's... - Wait, how? No, no, no. - Okay, okay, hold on. - No. - We have someone from Texas. What is the difference. between Texas toast and garlic bread?

- Garlic bread is usually a baguette. that's been cut in half and sliced-. - Olive oil and garlic, yeah. - Texas toast is just a thick slice of white bread. - Yeah. - And it's sometimes garlic, and it's sometimes just like butter and parsley. - Thank you. - Glad I could help. - Yeah. - Thank you. - That's great we had a resident Texan. - Mm-hmm. But they're both great. - No, I love them both. They're great, whatever. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - Look, when it comes to bread, I'll eat anything. - [Tommy] Yeah.

- [Kimmy] He also thinks pizza's overrated, so... - Hold on, hold on, hold on. Kimmy just said... You think pizza's overrated? - This is like part of my lore. It's like the third thing on my description on... - I only know two. - Thanks. Yeah. - Sorry. - Oh, yeah. - I don't think I've ever heard this, man. - Why don't you... How do you think it's overrated? - Okay, don't freak out. It's overrated, it's not bad. If I'm at a party, I'm a little drunkie, I need some food in my body, they've get some pizza, I'll eat a pizza, sure. I'm not someone who's like, "Hmm, what do I want to eat? I wanna get some pizza!".

I don't have that. I don't care about pizza. But everyone's like, "I love pizza!". and I'm like, "All right, child.". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing) (crew laughing). That's it. - Okay, moving on. "Am I the asshole for letting my child. ride her pony to school?". (crew laughing). - Huh? - Whoa! - I really need to hear more, 'cause right now I'm thinking that. that sounds like the dream. - Yeah. - My take is it depends. on where you live. If you're in the middle of New York City, that's bad.

("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - How big's the pony? - Yeah. Here we go. It's a 36-year-old woman. "My child, who's seven, asked if she could ride her pony to school last week. For context, we have a small paddock attached to our home. where we keep two horses, one for me and one for my child. Every morning before school, my child gets all of her pony chores done before we leave. and we normally walk to school, which takes around 20 minutes. We live on the outskirts of a fairly populated city.

where it's not uncommon to see horses occasionally, but we are by no means in a rural village. I agreed to let my daughter ride her pony to school. because I thought it was a harmless, fun thing to do, and also it gives the pony some exercise, as we had evening plans and wouldn't be riding that evening. We arrived at the school gates, and of course, gathered a little bit of a crowd, which wasn't a problem. The pony is very good. and lapped up all the pats and strokes from the kids. One girl came bounding over from the year above my daughter. and started shouting at me, saying she wanted to ride.

I politely told her that she couldn't, because she doesn't have a riding hat. and she would have to learn on a safer horse. She immediately started hysterically crying. and pleading with her mom, saying he wanted to ride. Her mom looked at me with disgust and said, 'See, this is what happens when you have no self-awareness. and bring a (bleep) horse to a school'. and stormed off, dragging her kid with her. I was a bit taken aback but ignored her, sent my child into school, and walked the pony home. I was talking to my friend this weekend,

and she said I was in fact the problem. and I was blatantly showing off, that I should have known. that this would cause upset and problems. My response is 'I turn up to the school gates. in jodphurs and boots regularly, so everyone probably knows I have horses. Is that showing off too?'. All I wanted to do is let my daughter. do something a bit silly and fun, now I am really overthinking it though. and almost feel nervous to do school drop-off tomorrow. So am I the asshole for letting my daughter. ride her horse to school?

Edit: I want to clear some things up. Firstly, I'm based in England. Secondly, the pony never went into school grounds. There is a small patch of grass. about 30 meters from the main school gate, and we stood there so no child with allergies. would have to be subject to horse germs. if they didn't deliberately come over to us. This also means that I don't feel. like I should have to have run it by the school, and lastly, the pony is an ex-riding school pony. It has been surrounded by kids its whole life. and used to do kids' birthday parties and everything.

I know animals are unpredictable, but I was 99.999% sure that the pony would be fine. and appreciate the fuss off the tiny humans. He absolutely did.". Yeah. - Okay. By the way, the jodhpurs was mentioned. "Jodhpurs in their modern form. are tight-fitting trousers to the ankle. where they end in a snug cuff. and are worn primarily for horse riding.". Okay, so I pictured them... - Oh! - I pictured them in some "Downton Abbey"-esque clothes. - Yeah, they're doing dressage.

That's cool. - It's fun to think about an English Karen. - Yeah. - That's what I'm picturing. - What would you call English Karen? I'm not familiar with like British names, right? Corrine? - Elizabeth. - Elizabeth? - Elizabeth, Lizzie. - Lizzie, a Lizzie. - Ooh, okay. - Like Lizzie. - Okay. - Here's my take. Kind of the asshole, but not for the reason. that the other person. called them an asshole. - Mm-hmm. - And not really an asshole actually. Kinda just like, what a weird flex, you know?

I mean, I come from an awfully wealthy family, so like if someone... Like, I'm trying to parallel... Like, I don't care about horses, but if someone... That's my new hot take, is that I don't care about horses! (bleep) Horses! - Horses are overrated! - Yeah. (laughs). If someone... I don't know, like, it's the vibe of like, I don't know, someone showing up in a fancy-ass car, and being like, you know,

wearing a (bleep) ball gown or some shit. I'd be like, "Okay, why'd you do all that? We got math class in an hour.". I don't know, like- - I can-. I can see a little bit of that, but I really don't think that they're like truly an asshole, 'cause it's really like, you know, the intention, and then other people interpret... Like, if you brought the horse to the front of the school, I'd be like, "You're an asshole. That horse is gonna kick a bunch of kids.". But she was like across the street, 30... Kids ran across the street. - It's a good horse. - You know, like- - Yeah.

- She just rode the horse, like... - Yeah. - And the kid. wanted to ride the horse to school, so she let her do it. - [Noah] Yeah. - I don't see a problem with it. I definitely see a problem. with another kid wanting to handle. what doesn't belong to them, is not like... - That kid... - And then the mom being like. "Well, you should let my kid ride your (bleep) horse.". - Yeah, she did say, "Why don't you have any self-awareness? You shouldn't have brought a (bleep) horse here,". or something like that, but right after she cursed in front of children.

- That's the wrong take. - But for the wrong reasons. - If the horse kicks someone and then she said that, I'd be like. - Sure. - "Yeah, that's smart.". But she was mad because her kid couldn't ride the horse. It's like- - And that's... - No, it's a perfect lesson to be like, "Yeah, kid, 'cause it's not your horse.". - Mm-hmm. - Exactly. - "You (bleep) idiot!". - Exactly. - Yeah. - Or they would say it in a British way. - Yeah. You know, I can definitely see where you're coming from, where it's like's- - It's on the kid. - The kids. - It's just kinda like. - "It's my birthday, I'm gonna show up in a limousine or something.". - Right. - Or like, you know, "Let's order pizzas to school.". - Right. - "'Cause I get allowance. and no one else does.". 'Cause I can like see that, but-. - That's not being...

Like, this is not a problem. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm just saying, there is something- - It is kind of funny. - There is something about riding a pony to school. that is like, "Hey?". - Yeah. - But like, "Okay." (laughs). - It is also funny that like, 'cause we all grew up in, you know, cities, not like rural towns, so like seeing a horse is like, "Oh, you're usually wealthy,". when if you told me. that you had to get to school via horse legitimately, I wouldn't... You know, like, I know that as people like, "Oh, you're rich, 'cause you can own a barn. and other horses.". Like, they might not necessarily be in a position where-. - Because everybody's got a horse.

- Yeah. - Everybody. - Or it's just like they're... (Tommy laughing). That's how they get there. I don't know if that makes sense, that they might be- - Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, it definitely makes sense. - That's how I interpret it, you know? - Because I'm seeing it from-. - Like Kardashians, with a horse. - I'm picturing. a Florida school, which... - Mm-hmm. - There are horses, people have horses in Florida, but like I'm picturing like a regular-ass school. with someone walking upon and being like, "Who are you?". - Yeah. - I feel definitely in America. and I would assume England, too, but if you have horses, you have to be. It's hard to have horses and not be wealthy. - [Noah] Yeah. - I feel like- - It might be your business. - Based on my experiences.

At least, I guess, where I've lived-. - Yeah. - Right. - So that's fair, I'm sure there's places, but still... - Just interesting. - Honestly, as a kid, if someone rode their horse to school, I would think it's cool. - Do you have to have like a poo bag? You know like when you walk your dog, you're supposed to have it. on a leash and a bag. - Like a horse diaper? - Yeah, but a horse is like... That's a big-. - Dude. - Yeah. - They drop deuces, dude. - (laughs) Like what do you do? - Don't they... Aren't there like things that can like catch it? Like, isn't there like a little basket? - Like, it swings? - Yeah. - A little horse basket?

(Tommy laughing) - That's nice. - I don't know. - It's kind of- - Once again... Once again, our resident Texas toast and horse expert. - Tell us about... - "All right.". - Tell us about the poo bucket. - Usually you only have a poo, I don't wanna call it a poo bag, but what you're calling a poo bag, behind your horses if you're riding like in the street, like, in a parade or something, or like, with a carriage, like someplace where there's a lot of foot traffic. - Yeah. - But if you're... If it's like a green area, not in a city, you don't usually have one.

- Do they make them for ponies? - Yeah, they're just smaller. - Aw. - Mm-hmm. - Like even the cops in LA that ride horses. don't have bags on them. - And let's talk about that. Why are there police on horses in LA? - That's a good point. I've always, whenever I see horses, or like, police on horses, I'm just like-. - "Really?" - Yeah. - I haven't seen a criminal on a horse. - I think it's intimidating. - Exactly. - Yeah. - There's no old-school bank robbers-. - Yeah, I was like, "There's no train heists happening.".

- Yeah. (laughs) (crew laughing). - Can you imagine someone grabs an old lady's purse, like, is running through the crowd at the parade, and the police officer's like, "Don't worry, I'll catch 'em.". Gallops the horse through like 2,000 people! - Just knocking people over. - Yeah, and dude, that's medieval warfare. Get off the horse. You're still gonna have to run after him. - Yeah. - Poop falling in the street. - Yeah. - People stepping on it. "Aw." - Yeah. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing) - Yeah. The verdict was not the asshole. Some comments here: "Info, did you really think other kids would not bat an eye? Of course they wanted to ride the pony.".

OP responded, "I obviously knew people would show an interest, but I honestly thought the kids would be just, would just be happy to see a pony. and it would brighten people's Friday. The pony is mega safe, so I knew everyone could stroke him. and give him a fuss and assumed that would be that.". - Me and who? Sorry. (Shayne laughing) Who's gonna stroke me. and give me a fuss? That's what I was saying. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). That's all I was trying to say. I was trying to joke. - I know it's different, like, wording, 'cause it's in England, but hearing like... It's hard for me to... It's just weird.

- Honestly, I don't think it's fair for me to comment. on this story, 'cause I want to be that little child. who, every Friday, gets to ride their pony to school. Like, that is so wonderful. - Oh, yeah, I'm jealous. - Yeah. - I mean, imagine the smell of the fresh air. I mean, it's everything that I want in my life. - My earlier statement is from jealousy, for sure. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It sounds like a fairytale. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - [Shayne] I'm like, "Okay.". - Oh, it's brave. - They're having a fantastic life. - Yeah, and I'm grateful for my life, but I walked to school carrying my (bleep) saxophone.

(Noah laughing) - You play saxophone? - I did. - He did. - I had an alto saxophone. - Wow! - Which one was taller, you or the alto? ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing) (crew laughing). - [Shayne] Hey, oh, there you go! ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - Sorry, I'm sorry. - "The alto is one of the smaller saxophones, I'll have you know.". It was still a piece of shit to carry all the time. "Everyone sucks here because it's a kid drop-off, and you brought a fecking horse.". - Fecking! - Fecking with an E, "for your little girl to ride it on.

Parents wrangling little kids, teachers helping while trying to get started, you bring a distracting horse. kids would love to pet and maybe wish to ride. Your horse, your prerogative, but read the room a bit.". I think it's a little harsh, but I also see what they're saying. - Right- - It's like, you're gonna make the school a little chaotic. I see it more for... Where I think this fits more. is at the end of the day when you're getting picked up, if you brought the horse to school, that's fun for her to ride on and be like, "Let's get outta here." - That's great. - That's fun. - Mm-hmm.

Ride off into the sunset. - Yeah, like, "All right, go!". The horse just rides off with the kids. - Bunch of cans on strings going. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Just horsed. - It makes me think of... (crew laughing). it brings back a core memory of mine. where my mom sometimes would come to school to pick me up. and she would bring one of our dogs. - Oh, that. - Aww! - Yeah, that was so sweet. - Yeah. - She brought one of our dogs to school. So when I walked out, she was there with our dog, Jack, but our other dog...

She only brought one of the dogs, 'cause it would be too much to take both. Our other dog was so (bleep) pissed, and he took one of our TV remotes. and just ripped it to shreds. You know, like, he was pissed. He was like, "How dare you!". - Yeah. - "Took him over me!". - Someone else said, "Not the asshole. If you showed up in a really cool car or truck. to pick up the kids, does everyone get a ride? You also sound appropriately safety-focused, making sure the pony is good around people, for example. It's a nice treat if handled well. That mom did not handle it well.

But what do I know? If I had a pony, I'd ride him on my boat.". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing) - That man's dope. Wait, is that Jeff Bezos? Can you check the- - Yeah, yeah. He has the room. - That was him. - And then the last thing is, "This is the whitest thing I've ever read.". - Yeah. - Yeah. - Fair. - Oh, absolutely. Yeah, no, that's... Like I said, that's some "Downton Abbey" shit. - Yeah. (crew laughing). - I feel like in England... There's a lot of horses around... I don't know. - I don't know either. (Tommy laughing). - I don't know, I don't know. - There's a lot of horses.

Everyone has a horse. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). Everyone has a horse there. Everyone's a knight. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). Yeah, there's castles. (crew laughing). - They have flags and one's got a dragon. - That'll (bleep). - Yeah, whatever. - This episode is brought to you by Factor. It is December. (upbeat festive music). It is a bustling holiday season, and you might be looking for flavorful, nutritional meals. to get you through these jam-packed dates. There's shopping, there's... There's so much stuff to do right now, and worrying about grocery shopping and meal prepping, it adds a lot.

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So if you're interested, you can head to factormeals.com/PitReddit50. and use code PITREDDIT50 to get 50% off. That's code PITREDDIT50 to get 50% off. at factormeals.com/PitReddit50. (chyron whooshing). This episode is also brought to you by BetterHelp. It's the holiday season and my family, we are big on gift giving. My mom especially, she still, even though I'm in my 30's, she still gives us big stockings.

full of little tiny treats and gifts. It's fantastic. And I try to give good gifts. to all of my friends and family as well, and I give myself the gift every week of going to therapy. It is huge for me. Even when I'm not feeling like it, I always walk out of it feeling so much better, so much more organized in my head, and it's something that I always wanna recommend. to other people. Therapy is life-changing, so if you're looking into therapy, you can give BetterHelp a try. It is convenient and it is suited for your schedule.

All you have to do is fill out a quick questionnaire. and you'll be matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time. In this season of giving, give yourself what you need with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/PitReddit today. to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com/PitReddit. All right, back to the show. (transition whooshing). Here's our next story. "Am I the asshole for jumping out the train window?".

- How... I can't interpret that. You can open up windows on trains to jump out? - Maybe there was a police officer on a horse. - That would. - Yeah, totally. - We'll see. - Right, it's the Lone Ranger. - Yeah. (Noah laughing). - "I study in a big city, and my hometown is far away. from any major train station. The closest one is 45 kilometers away.". I like how all of these have been in the UK, except for ketchup guy. "While the train tracks are very close to my town, the train doesn't stop near it. What I do is I book a ticket to the nearest station,

then I jump out the window. The train varies in speed, but it's very slow when it's in that area, so it's never really dangerous jumping out. Never once gotten hurt. I don't like doing this. and I try to arrange for someone to pick me up, as there are literally no buses or anything there. One day, we had a family emergency and they needed me ASAP. I took the only train that day and did it. Looks like one of the train workers saw it last time. and recognized me when I came on the train. She asked me for my ID and I said "No.". She kept telling me to give it to her and I refused.

I know this is a common tactic ticket collectors use, you show them your ID and they keep it. until you do what they want. She got upset, walked away, then came back with another worker who explained to me. that they're upset and I can't do this. I explained I have a family emergency. and I understand their concern, but nobody can pick me up and they need me. They told me they don't care. I went to the bathroom and shit, there was no window there. Went to the other cabin and I think they caught onto me, especially since I brought my backpack with me.

Thankfully, this one did have a window, and I did it. They were screaming at me, I don't know what. On my way back, they saw me and were so pissed. I convinced them that it wasn't me. and I pretended like I was a foreigner. and I said, "I only speak English," and it worked. I feel really bad, but I did what I had to.". Okay... Wow. - They went to the bathroom and shit? - No, "they went to the bathroom, and shit, there was no window there. - They should have used a different word.

- Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Like, "I gotta get outta here.". - I mean... - Yeah. (laughs). "Oh, no, there's no window. It's snow." - "Oh!". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - This is one of those where I'm just like, it doesn't even matter if you're an asshole or not, you're breaking the law. Like, you are endangering yourself... Probably just mainly endangering yourself, but you could end up super inconveniencing everyone else. on that train if they have to halt the train. for whatever reason. - Yeah, right. - I mean, God forbid you like jump out and you do it wrong. and then you end up under the tracks.

Like, that's the reality of it, like, that's just why you... Or like you jump out, and there's a rock in the field you didn't see. and you hit your head on it, goodnight, and no one knows that you're in the field, and now your family is wondering where you are, and they have an emergency. It's like, that's why you don't-. - I've never dealt much with trains. in my personal life, but it's one of the weird things. I've learned from the Internet over the years. is like, don't (bleep) with trains, do not underestimate trains. - Yeah. - Yeah. - 'Cause they're so much more powerful than you realize. So it seems like, "Oh, it's going slow.

Just jump outta the train.". It's like, "Dude, if any part of that train gets you, like, that part of the body's gone. Verdict for this guy was asshole. - Mm-hmm. - Right. - Right. - In like a societal way. - Yeah, just kind of a-. - You look at the law- - I think it's just kind of, there's not much nuance to this. It's like, "Yeah, don't jump out of train windows.". In fact, someone said, "You're the asshole. Don't jump out of train windows, asshole.". - How about that? - That's good. - There you go. Someone else said, "You're the asshole. Nobody should have to tell you. that jumping out of a large vehicle. while it's moving is a bad idea.".

- Right. - See, I think that's where I stand a little bit more, is like, it's less that I'm like, "You're an asshole.". It's more that I'm like, "You're dumb.". - Yeah. - "You're gonna die.". - Yeah, the risk to reward is just not there. - Yeah, yeah, exactly. Someone said, "This is very funny, so I hate to say it, you're the asshole. You're a little rascal, I respect that, but you have to understand that if you get injured, those train workers will likely face consequences. So maybe take your mischief somewhere else.". That's true. - Yeah. - Yep. - My brain is still breaking. on the train windows opening. I've never in my life been on a bus.

that the window opened enough to get out of. - I think- - You know? - Yeah, maybe wherever they are, they're just not expecting... Like, people aren't expecting people. to jump out of the train. - Mm-hmm. I do like though that once they got in trouble. they just pretended to be American, and that seemed to work, right? - Yeah. - So they were like, "I'm sorry, I'm stupid." - "I only speak English.". - "I am obviously here and I'm dumb.". - Yeah, so I have no idea where this takes place, but yeah. - Mm-hmm. - That's what I do whenever I'm in trouble. "Sorry, I only speak English.".

And they're like, "You're under arrest.". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing) (crew laughing). - Yeah. - "I don't understand!". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing) - You're funny. - "Sorry, I'm American.". They're like- - Like, "Yes.". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - "In the car!" (laughs) - "We're in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and you're going to jail.". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). Okay, here's our next story. (chyron whooshing). "Am I the asshole for forcing my brother. to buy me a new engagement ring?". Okay. - Uh-oh. - Don't look that up. - " I'm a 26-year-old man proposing to my girlfriend. who's 24 on our fourth anniversary, September 30th.

I've been planning this for about a month, and I picked the ring a couple weeks ago. The one I got was on sale, so I managed to get it at a surprisingly low price. Last weekend, I told my brother, who's 33, about my plans and showed him the ring. He informed me that he was proposing to his girlfriend, who's 29, as well. The next day, my brother came to my apartment. while my girlfriend was out. He asked me if he could borrow my ring. to propose to his girlfriend. I thought he was joking at first, but no, his plan was to propose to his girlfriend,

explain he was using my ring as a placeholder, and then take her to pick her own ring later. His reasoning was that he didn't wanna spend. too much money right away in case she didn't say, 'Yes.'. I'd never heard of placeholder rings, so I said no and the conversation moved on. On Tuesday, he proposed to his girlfriend, with my ring. He'd taken it before leaving my apartment. I got distracted at work and didn't notice it was gone. until his fiance sent a picture of herself wearing the ring. to our family group chat. I called him to ask about the ring,

and he immediately apologized. and said he'd keep his promise and give it back to me, but at this point, my girlfriend had seen it. and his fiance had posted about it on social media, so it was pointless for me to propose using the same ring. We fought about it, and he confessed that while he told his fiance. the ring was a placeholder, he didn't tell her where he'd gotten it from. I felt more angry and betrayed. about him going behind my back and taking the ring. after I said no than the fact that he stole it. I also know his fiance enough. to know she wouldn't like to learn her engagement ring.

had been stolen from me, so I told my brother I'd tell her the truth. if he didn't buy me a new engagement ring. He fought against it for a few hours, but finally gave up and agreed. We went to a different jewelry store yesterday. and I picked out a new ring. I managed to stay in the price range, but the new one was still $100 more expensive. My brother bought the ring, but is still accusing me. of being inconsiderate and childish. He's insistent he would've given me the ring back. had I given him the opportunity, and I didn't need to threaten him. to spend so much money on me.

He's now refusing to talk to me. I don't know how to feel about this anymore. I usually talk to my brother about these things. and it's surreal that he's the one I'm fighting. I can't tell my girlfriend and many of our friends overlap. The only other person who knows about this. is our mom, who's divided. She thinks that what my brother did was wrong. and I'm right to be pissed at him, but I didn't have to stoop as low as I did. by threatening his relationship. Am I the asshole?". If you're threatening someone's relationship. with the truth- - Yeah. - You're not threatening their relationship. They threatened their own relationship.

- Yeah. - The older brother. is the younger brother in this scenario. - It's so sad. It should never be like that-. - Yeah. - Unfortunately. - That's crazy! Why is the mom divided? - Why though? - Yeah. (laughs). - Is it genetic? What's going on here? - I gotta be honest-. - (laughs) She's currently dividing. - (laughs) Right! - Yeah. - I gotta be honest, specifically with Reddit stories. that we read on this show, I am consistently shocked. at like family members' takes on stuff. that takes place within the family,

and I realize a lot of moms, grandmas, aunts, uncles, when it comes to their children or nieces and nephews, I wonder if it's that they're just so afraid. of taking a side, that they just kind of like do weird shit. But a lot of times, they really blame the wrong person, it seems like. I don't know. I'm also like, as the the older brother, I'm like, that would just feel so weird. - Dude, is she- - Like, icky. - Yeah. - Even if the little brother.

was like, "Oh, yeah, please.". I would still never wanna do that. - Why would I take your ring, if you're gonna propose? - If it's a placeholder, don't get. an actual engagement ring- - Use some string. - Yeah, do something- - Like a sweet little... - Do something that maybe. has some sort of personal significance, or honestly, I think then, in that case, like something small or whatever. - Yeah, you can just wait. - You could also just wait. - You could just wait. - My friends' proposed, literally, like with string. My friends' proposed, they didn't have a ring yet, and he proposed to her with like a string. and she was like, "Oh, my God, yes.".

- "Let's go pick out your ring together.". - Yes, exactly. - "So that it looks perfect. with all your outfits." - Yeah! - Like, what? - Did the brother not think about proposing. until he found out his little brother was gonna propose, and he was like, "I need to propose first,". but then like really quickly rushed and did this. 'Cause they were able to go. and he was able to buy him a ring, which means the older brother. could afford a ring. - He had the money. - So I don't understand this. They put it all over social media too. The brother didn't post, but the girlfriend, or the fiance, posted all this stuff.

with her with the ring- - Mm-hmm. - Which is also weird if it's a-. - Well, she doesn't know it's a placeholder. - She doesn't. - Yeah. - No, he told her... He told her it's a placeholder, he just didn't tell her where the ring was from. But that's weird to give you an actual engagement ring. and say it's a placeholder. - Yeah. - That's weird. You'd be like, "So wait, what's the deal with this ring?". - This guy and this gal, the older, the fiance's (bleep) weirdos. - This is just some weird shit. The verdict, not the asshole, 'cause obviously. - Whoa!

"Not the asshole. When you borrow something. after you've been expressly told you can't, it's called theft.". - That's right. - "Placeholder rings are a thing, but they're not actually proper engagement rings. They're usually something like a little plastic ring. you'd get out of a vending machine.". "Not the asshole. He should have had to fork over a lot extra. after how he screwed you over with this.". Someone else said, "This sounds like he feels that as he is older, he should be doing things like that before you. I would take a step back and reevaluate your milestones, and if he had to beat you there.

Is he normally competitive? Because this is not normal behavior at all.". OP responded, "No, he's not usually competitive. He's been very supportive of me throughout my whole life. I'm not trying to defend him, and I'm still pissed, but this behavior. is surprising coming from him.". Interesting. - Weird. - Weird. - So weird. Yeah, we'll never know. Actually we will, 'cause there's an update. (Noah gasping) - There's an update? - I love this show ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - "First, the good news. My girlfriend and I are engaged.". - Hey! - Yeah, there we go.

"I proposed to her on our anniversary, just as I'd planned. She said yes and we both cried. I love this woman and I can't wait to marry her. Also, my brother's single.". - Oh! (crew laughing). Wow. It was a placeholder ring 'cause it wasn't for her hand. - Oh! (Noah laughing). "A couple days after my post, my mom called me and apologized. After thinking it through, she realized that while I did threaten his relationship, my brother had brought it upon himself. She confronted him the next day,

and he ended up confessing that he wasn't going to propose. until I said I was.". Wait, what? - Yeah. - Yeah. - The theory that he was like, "Oh, you're proposing, then I'm gonna propose.". - Okay, so yeah, all right. "My brother is older, but I've hit many milestones earlier than him. He never seemed bitter about it. We've always been close and supported each other, which is why I was completely blindsided by what he did. Finding out I was proposing made him panic. He spontaneously said he was doing so too, but freaked out about picking an engagement ring, and devised a plan that, according to him,

made sense at the time: Use mine and take his girlfriend to buy a new one later. That plan was ruined when I said no, so he stole my ring. The new plan was to propose with it, take her to buy a new one, and find an excuse to visit me the next day. and discreetly return the ring to my apartment. I wasn't even supposed to know it was gone. That plan was also ruined. due to his girlfriend's immediate announcement. He knew she was doing it, but not that she'd show the ring.". (crew laughing). - Come... - Just imagine. - Really? - Imagine a photo, no hands in picture.

Just like, "I'm engaged." - "I'm engaged.". - Yeah. - Yeah. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - Like... ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - "Engaged!". - "Guys, just bought a new car. Why are you at Magic Mountain? It says nothing.". Why are... - "I just got a new car!". Me on a sidewalk. - Yeah, like there's nothing there. - Okay. "Then he got mad that I made him get me a new ring, because he'd told his girlfriend he'd get her one too, so his plan to spare himself the effort. of choosing an engagement ring. would end up making him buy two.

Basically, my mom got him to admit. his whole engagement was a panic move. She said he already seemed embarrassed. when they started talking, but was a wreck by the time they were done. She told him to apologize to me. and he called me an hour later to do so. He seemed sincere. Many of you said his girlfriend deserved to know the truth, and I agree. The only reason I hadn't done so. is because I thought that should come from my brother, so I took the opportunity to tell him. that if he truly loved her, he'd tell her the truth. He did. I don't know much of what was said, but she dumped him. He gave me back the first ring.

and refused my offer to pay him back. for what he'd spent on the new one. As some of you recommended, I waited two days after proposing. to tell my fiance what happened. She was furious, but reassured me that she loved her ring. more than any other. Since the first one was on sale, I can't return it to the store, so we're thinking of selling it. I haven't forgiven my brother, but because he's never done anything like this before, I'm willing to give him another chance. I'm going low contact for now. He'll have to earn my trust back. I really hope he does. I love him and I don't want our relationship.

to end over what he did. Both my fiance and my mom agree with me on this.". Yeah. I think this guy's handling it really well. - This guy's awesome. - And hopefully. this whole situation will make the brother re-evaluate. his view on his brother. - How many times in their life, as the younger brother, did he have to deal with the fact. that his older brother is unfortunately. just dumber than him, you know? (Shayne laughing). - Right.- Like, he's just like, "Oh.". - It's a panic move, but it's also one of the stupidest things.

I ever heard in my life. - Yeah, it's so stupid. - Yeah. - It's so stupid. - So I can't relate to this, because you know, both my brothers are a lot older than me, so they did hit every milestone, but it was a decade of in front of me, so I kinda was just like, "Yeah," like... - Of course. - "I will be doing that in 10 years.". And so I can't imagine having a brother closer in age. where those types of things might happen. I just simply can't relate. - Yeah. - But I imagine. it's gotta be hard. - Mm-hmm. - That's gotta be hard,

if you have a sibling who consistently is doing stuff, but I think none of us here are older siblings, so... - Thank God. (Noah laughing) - Yeah, so we don't know what the (bleep) to say to this. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - If I had a sibling, they'd be hitting every milestone before me, ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing) regardless of their age. There's gonna be a 6-year-old proposing soon. It's like, I'm glad I'm alone. (crew laughing). - Yeah, it would be tough. I truly feel for people.

Because I can't relate, I do feel for the older brothers. - Oh, I have so much empathy-. - Because I have no personal, like, I feel empathy, just of like, that's gotta suck. - Yeah, I don't have sympathy, I have empathy. The sympathy's gone, 'cause you did it to yourself. and it was really, really stupid. and you should have seen what happened. - Yeah. - I have so much empathy. for feeling like you're behind. and that you don't have a win anywhere. and you're really searching for it, you know? - Yeah, I have empathy for the feeling, but the decisions are dumb. - Yeah. - They're terrible. - And you're probably bringing this upon yourself. - Yeah. (laughs). And the girlfriend, like,

how much time did you waste of hers. that she has to now be like, "Oh, you've...". "Oh.". - What's so sad is she clearly was really excited. to get married to this guy. - Yeah. But good thing that happened, because obviously, this was some huge red flag that she-. - Yeah. - Yeah, so like. - I hope this is his awakening. - Mm-hmm. - Yes. - I hope he's like, "I need to get my (bleep) shit together.". - Yeah. - We have a couple comments: "Congrats on your engagement. While it's safe to say. your brother won't be the ring bearer, but hopefully he'll enjoy the wedding all the same.". OP responded, "Haha, yeah,

we'll save that role for someone else. I really hope we've worked things out. by the time my wedding comes along.". Someone else said, "Damn, your brother went full on Smeagol. and still lost the precious." (Noah laughing). OP responded, "I kid you not, my fiance has called him. Gollum more than once this week.". Someone said, "Marry this woman,". and OP said, "Gladly.". Very cute. - He's like, "That was the story, I did marry her.". - "Did he read it? Okay, I'm going now." ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - Yeah, dude, I (bleep) did that. Very sweet. Very, very sweet.

- I love hearing someone. with a good head on their shoulders in these Reddit stories. - I know. - It's a nice little, like, humanity's-gonna-be-okay thing. - It's really awesome that there's different kinds. Some of the worst stories are when someone, you're like, you're like, "They're not the asshole, but they don't realize it,". and they refuse to acknowledge of like, "Oh, shit, this person sucks,". and it's just like, "(bleep) Come on!". - "Come on, wake up!" - No, this person's great. All right. (chyron whooshing). "Am I asshole the for doing weird/awkward poses.

whenever my mother-in-law accidentally walks in on me. in the bathroom? - That's awesome. - What a... Yeah. (crew laughing). - "Whoa!". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - Both legs overhead. Oh! - Oh! - Yeah. - "So my mother-in-law, I'm a gal by the way, came to stay with us for a few weeks. till her home is renovated for Christmas. The problem is that she has been. randomly walking in on me while I'm in the bathroom. Thankfully, not once has she seen me naked,

because I started picking up on her behavior. after the second time in a week. She'd barge in, turn and say, 'Oh, sorry,'. then close the door. I tried talking to my husband about it, but he kept ignoring me, then flat-out said, 'So what if she's accidentally seen you naked? She's family.'. He seriously said that. We have a lock and I could have used it, but I have a past trauma from the idea. of locking/being locked in a room. after my brother locked me in the bathroom when I was five. So I came up with this idea. I'd go inside the bathroom pretending to use it. and wait for her to come,

because honestly, it's deliberate at this point. When she accidentally barges in, she'd see me in a weird/awkward position. For example, doing a ballet stand, standing on the toilet. or standing facing the wall with my hands up, fully clothed, of course. (Noah laughing). I could see how awkward and weird this would be for her, because she'd stand there for a few seconds. trying to figure out what I was doing. It was hilarious at first seeing her initial confusion, but she told my husband about it, claiming she's caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom. I cleared things up and revealed the reason why.

My husband was livid. He called me childish. and said that I made his mom feel terrified/weirded out. by my behavior. He said I should have acted maturely, and locked the damn door instead of playing mind games.". Oh, my God. We've had multiple stories of people barging in on people. and I don't get it, man. If I see a closed door, I am like, I feel nervous knocking. - Yeah. - 'Cause I'm like... I'm like... I will say, can I vent about something here? - Yeah, yeah, get it done. - Absolutely.

- I think we at "Smosh" have a pretty good general rule. of like, "Hey, once you're done using the bathroom, keep the door open." - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - So that it's clear. that it's like available. When people shut a bathroom door that is unoccupied, I'm mad. - I agree with that. - I'm like, "(bleep), Dude. It makes it look occupied.". - Yeah. - And I have to assume, and now I'm sitting there like, "Ah, shit, okay.". - "Oh." ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - Especially when 10:30 hits. and all of us are like, "You gonna shit, you gotta shit,

you gotta over there." - Yeah. - "We all gotta shit," and we're all just like waiting. It's like, yeah. - You guys should get a little number tab, you know? - Aw! - Yeah. - Oh, like the DMV - Like a deli. Yeah. - Oh. - Just like that, yeah. - You know what they do? They do that at hospitals now. You like that? - There's a shit number thing? - You pull a number at the hospital. Isn't that great? - Oh, my God. - Yeah, there's different windows, different needs. - Kinda neat. - And if you pull the wrong one, you gotta get another one. and then go in the other line. Yeah. - Oh. - There's a piss only bathroom? - No, that's to get medical care. - Oh. I got it, got, got, got, got, got, got got, got it.

- But yeah, I do not comprehend just barging in. on a closed door. I do not understand it-. - It's crazy. - At all. I think anyone who does that multiple times, especially after walking on someone, they're an asshole. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But I'm also terrified. of accidentally walking in on people and being walked in on. I one-time used a Starbucks bathroom. and accidentally forgot to lock the door. - Oh, no. - So someone came in. and they were like, "Oh." - I was luckily turned...

I was luckily turned away, so they didn't see anything, but I was there and I remember... So I shut the door, 'cause I think I had to pee really bad. I shut the door and I kinda just stumbled immediately there, and then, I'm there and as I'm peeing, it's like this thing where I'm just like, "I forgot to lock the door." - "Oh, no!" (laughs). ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing) - And then I'm like... And then, like, I hear someone walking up, and I start yelling before the... Like, as the doors open up, I'm like, "Occupied!". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). And they still opened it. And like just, "Oh, I'm sorry. (crew laughing).

And then twice in like the past couple years, I have accidentally opened a door. One time, I was at a restaurant, and I... Luckily the way that it was set up, I wasn't gonna see anything, 'cause there was like a wall, and the toilet's behind like this small wall. - Right. - So like, I enter this way and turn to the left. to see the toilet. - Yeah. - And just peeking out from this wall, it's just this woman, and she's like this. She just goes like this. She just goes like, "Sorry,". like, and I was just, I was like "Oh.".

- Oh! - I love that. - And then I remember I felt bad about my reaction, that like, my reaction, I just went... "Oh, God, oh, God!". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - Ew! Ew! - Ew! ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing) Ah! And then one time, the funniest one, I was in an airplane, it's like the middle of the night, it was an overnight flight. - Oh, boy. - I stumble, I wake up and I'm like, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom.". - [Tommy] That's a tiny toilet. - And it's one of those that kinda like folds, like an accordion, and so I start (laughs) unfolding it,

and this old woman's in there and she just... As I unfold it, you know, it kinda like folds forward. I just see her for a second. She's just like, "Ha!" (laughs). - Slams it? - Slams it back, and I was like, "Whoa!" ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - I've had an opposite, where I was on a plane. and I don't know, it was stuck. I got stuck inside-. - Awesome. - The toilet. And there's an emergency way that they can open it, but like, I don't know if it says anywhere, but a flight attendant had to come get me, because they heard like an issue inside.

- Awesome. - Like, they heard me, I was like, "I need help!". - That's incredible. - I was there. for like four or five minutes, yeah. - Wow. Yeah, whenever I am using a public bathroom, I like have to check. - Yeah. - I'm like, "I'm making sure this is locked.". - And I'd like to call out the nightlife scene. here in Los Angeles. Why do you have stalls that don't have a lock on 'em? - Whoa. - It's the worst. - Why are you doing that? - I think that one is like, unfortunately, security, probably. - I was one time in- - Honestly,

that actually makes sense. - Yeah. - So like, nobody's (bleep). - Yeah. - I think I've told this story before. I was in Australia once at a bar, and the stalls just didn't have doors. - Oh. - And I walked past and a guy was just full-on shitting. - That's called, "Ooh." - It was crazy. Verdict, not the asshole. - Not the asshole. - Comments: "This is hysterically funny, and I'm so annoyed at your husband for one, not telling his mom to do things. that literally eight-year-olds are capable of doing. and knock, and two, for not having a sense of humor. and mad respect for your creative way of handling this.".

Someone else said, "Not the asshole. You came up with a hilarious solution. You do have a husband problem though. Lastly, tell them your ritual. is to summon mother-in-law to the bathroom, and it's working every time. Not the asshole.". We have a small little update here. "My husband and his mom are extremely upset with me. He still thinks it was ridiculous. and is demanding an apology, before she goes back to her home. I'm not sure if I will apologize, because, yes, while it was a me problem. that I couldn't use the lock, what she did still feels wrong, and maybe I'm wrong too, but at least I got,

so did Reddit apparently, LOL, a bit of a chuckle out of it. Also, I'm sure Thanksgiving dinner. will be hella awkward tomorrow, especially after what happened, LOL.". My little hot take on this one is just that I'm like, this is a fun little silly story. that I do think could end up being like... You know that meme of the tiny domino. and then the big domino. I'm like, "This is gonna get worse.". - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. - This sounds like their communication. and stance on things is very different.

- Mm-hmm. - I mean, again, (sighs). not to judge people, but usually, if you believe other people are doing rituals. in their own home, you're capable of believing other ridiculous things. about them, and that would, I agree, lead to a lot of problems, if every time your husband's talking to his mother, which maybe is often, she's like, "So how's that witch wife doing?". "You know, more rituals in the corner?". "I hear she drinks frog blood.". - It's like, "This is always gonna be very weird. - Yeah. - Show up to Thanksgiving. with a... What is it called?

"Double toil and trouble," the (bleep)-. - The cauldron? - Cauldron? - Yeah. - Oh, instead of the-. - So with a cauldron. - What's the other one called? - That sounds great. - The horn? - Oh, the... - "Kappa kappa...". - I know what you... - Oh! - Oh, dude, you and me, we got smooth brains today. - Cornucopia? - Cornucopia. - That sounds incredible. 2024... ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). 2024, I'm trying to go to a witch Thanksgiving. - Yeah. - Damn. - That sounds awesome. - Okay, our last story. - Aw! - This one sounds great. (crew laughing). This one sounds so sick.

Dude- - "Those other ones...". - "That's nothing compared to this.". - "This one's for the dudes, see.". - "Yo, this one's for the ponies!". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing) (crew laughing). - "Today, I fucked up. by masturbating too long in the shower.". - That's right. (applauds) (Shayne laughing). (crew laughing). So it's a 19-year-old dude. "So I live in an apartment off college campus. with three other guys. Everyone else was at class, and I decided to pop in a microwave lunch, before hopping in the shower.

Now, living with three other guys. and sharing a room with one, there's not a lot of privacy. I was planning on anything, but got in the shower, morning Adderall kicked in, for my ADHD, I swear, realized I was naked and it had been a bit, and went, 'Eh, might as well.'. (Noah laughing) (crew laughing). I popped in my water resistant earphones. for a more immersive experience, and in case the roomies came back unexpectedly. I may have gotten a bit too into it. It was an intense video. So what was supposed to be a quick shower. turned into a 40-minute, aggressive ham-fisted session.

of earth-shattering self-pleasuring. I walked out a bit woozy." ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - [Tommy] God! Jesus Christ! - "You can imagine my surprise. to get out of the shower to find it surprisingly steamy. with an awful smoky smell I hadn't noticed before.". - [Tommy] Oh. - "I walked out of the bathroom to the kitchen. to find my kitchen literally engulfed. in these giant-ass (bleep) flames. and the smoke alarm going nuts.

It turned out, instead of hitting the microwave for four minutes, I added a zero and set it for 40, and set my entire apartment on fire. Immediately, I ran out and called 911, but they were already on their way. A neighbor had called after smelling smoke. The firemen came down, my whole apartment complex had to be evacuated, lost most of our kitchen and our living room. and everything indoors with severe smoke damage. I wound up in the hospital for a few days. due to smoke-". - Inhalation? - Yeah, it's just, I'm like, holy shit!

"My roommates are pissed. Could've died, but not gonna lie, I get now why people like being oxygen-deprived during sex.". Okay. - Okay. - Ooh! - Can I say the obvious thing? Should have (bleep) the flames! - Hey! - Put' em out. Put 'em out that way. - Would've worked. Holy shit! - Yeah, you know, if he suffocated the flames. like he was choking the chicken... - "Hey, boy!" (crew laughing). It's for the boys. - This guy has the same energy. as that one dude in Pompeii who was jacking it when the-. - Oh, when he died?

- When he died with the flames. They're like, "Yeah, this guy, (bleep) nothing was gonna stop him.". - Yeah, yeah. - Wow. - Bastille wrote a song about it. I don't know... (Noah laughing). I don't know about that one. ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - He took an Adderall and it kicked in, and then he had a 40-minute Adderall-driven, world's most intense masturbation session. where he also burned down his house. I mean, that is just... - It's pretty epic. - Here's the thing: With Adderall, you can't pick what you end up focusing on.

("Smosh Pit" cast laughing) - Yeah! - That's like... - Yeah! (crew laughing). - You get locked in. - He was probably watching it, jacking it, also switching over to Notes and marking things. - Yeah. - What he's noticing in it, he's giving a full detailed essay on it, going back. - That's just like... (laughs) (crew laughing). I'm just trying to understand the-. - What I think is crazy, 'cause I've had this thought before, of like putting something in the microwave. before going into the shower. I'm like, "No, don't do that." - "Don't do that.". - Yeah, that's crazy.

You have the expectation of taking a two-minute shower. - Mm-hmm. - Like, don't like... - Yeah. - Yeah. - I get scared leaving my portable AC on. when I go to sleep in my bedroom. I'm like, "I'm gonna burn alive.". - I say that, but when I was 19, I could see, like just, you're like, "I'll throw that in the microwave.". And then you get in the shower and you're like, "Nah, what am I doing now?" - "Oh, oh, my God.". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing).

(bleep) I... Dude, all of this, like, popping in headphones in the shower-. - That is the psycho! - It's also insane. Everything about this. I'm like, "This guy commits," you know? - Yeah. - But bravo! I do have respect for this guy. If I was one of his roommates, I would kill him. Yeah. - Yeah. Oh, yeah. (Tommy laughing). Oh, this is unforgettable. - I would actually kill him. - This is... - I'd be like- - I mean-. - "Oh, you didn't die of the fire? Well, I'm gonna kill you now.". - He did almost kill himself... Like, in the shower.

He had to go to the hospital for a couple days. - "We found him. He died.". It's like, "Oh, from the fire?". "No, he jacked off too hard." - "Too hard!". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - "We think that's what started the fire. You see, he took 40 milligrams of Adderall, and then-" - "He smoked it like weed.". ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). - "It was the friction.". - "The friction caused the fire.". Oh, man. Comments here: "Oh, my gosh, I thought this was going to be. a passed-out-in-the-shower-and-almost-died story.". And then someone else said, "Isn't that what this was?".

- Yeah. - Someone said, "OP username Ihatemicrowaves, has this experience changed your opinion. on microwaves at all, and if so, how?". OP responded, "Hate them. Mother(bleep) should turn off. when they're literally on fire. Dumbass machine." (Noah laughing). Someone said, "Yes, it's definitely the machine. that was a dumbass." - Mm-hmm. - Someone said, "My mother used to tell me. about the time she accidentally started a grease fire. by overheating french fry oil. because she got distracted by a movie she was watching.

She waited until I was an adult to tell me. that the movie was porn. She set the house on fire watching VHS porn in the '80s.". Someone else said, "Then what?". OP responded, "What else did you want to know, LOL? Eviction, house fire, neighbors, friendship damage... What do you mean? You started a fire in a house!". OP responded, "I got evicted." - Good. - "Wasn't invited to my roomies' new place. My lungs hurt. Currently living in a motel my parents are helping me with. while looking for a new place. Lost about everything I had,

but renter's insurance, so I'll get some of it back.". Okay- - Man, I don't think... (Noah sighing). Best-case scenario of you burning your house down, no one died, everything's okay, you know? But also, that really sucks. I hated that update. - That's a sad update. - No, I think that's exactly what was gonna happen. - It is arguably, maybe as soon as that fire started, this is best-case scenario. - Mm-hmm. - Absolutely. - Like, you know. - Do you think he gave up masturbation?

- Oh, do you think he's on the no fap subreddit now? - Like, what if he has... - He became the chosen? - Yeah, what if he could- ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). "I know what I must do now." - No! I think after something like that, I might have PPTSD. - Wow. (Brennan chuckling). That's insane. - He got Brennan. (crew laughing) - Hey! - He got Brennan! - Brennan's so mad about that. (crew laughing). - Yeah, holy shit! That's a (bleep) nuts story. - Yeah. - Right. - Mm-hmm. - Yep. That's a nut story. Now...

(Shayne scoffing) ("Smosh Pit" cast laughing). Oh, my God. This guy... Is this guy stupider than the train window jumper? - Yeah. - I think he's stupider 'cause he admitted it. - I don't know if he's stupider, 'cause the window train jumper is deliberately choosing. to do something that I think is really stupid. This guy accidentally put the thing in the microwave. for too long. - Mm-hmm. - He didn't mean to put it in for 40 minutes.

He thought he was putting in for four minutes. - But there's something about, "I'm making this decision. and I'm jumping out of this window,". versus like "Hell, yeah!" (laughs). Where I'm like, I don't... This is apples and oranges. - Yeah, one guy's stupid, the other guy is the most intricate clownery. I've ever heard of. - Right. - I mean, the setup for that bit is... It's a long one. - Yeah. - Somehow the headphones in the shower. is still what I think is crazy. - I agree. - He said they were waterproof though? - He said, "Headphones in the shower, in case my roommates got home.". I'm like, "So they (bleep) can hear you?".

And like- - Whoa! Whoa! - Wow! - You know what, the dude was high on- - Was that for the video? - Yeah. - Yeah, he didn't-. - I know, but like, he wants his sounds. - Yeah. Look, they're very specific, pointed choices made. because he's on a stimulant. It's not gonna make sense. - He's now in a motel by himself, so he can do his thing. Wow. - Wow. - I did do some double takes to that.

Some of them I didn't have to do a double take. I was just like, "Yep, they're doing this,". But yeah, (upbeat festive music). thank you both for joining me on this journey. - Yeah. If I can end this with one thing, I wish my life was that of the little Irish girl's. - Yeah, I know. - Mm-hmm. - Seems so nice. - A little pony coming out. - A pony to school everyday? - Oh, yeah. - Riding a pony to school. - That'd be so nice. - It'd be incredible. Eating some Texas toast garlic bread. You know. - Great.

- We learned a lot. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, we did. - Thank you, Amanda, for teaching us so much. And thank you all for watching. Let us know what other themes, subreddits you want us to cover on this show, and we will see you next Saturday. - Hey! - Goodbye! - Love ya. - (laughs) Yeah. Be careful with your microwave.