The Dumbest Stories Of All Time? | Reading Reddit Stories

- Welcome back to more dumb Reddit stories. I'm Shane, and our guest today, Keith and Noah. Man. - Yeah. - [Shane] Solid duo. I'm shocked this has not happened yet. - Boom. - How you guys feeling? - I feel great. Can we just? We matched, but not on purpose. - Yeah, it always happens. - It's like our periods are synced. (crew member scoffing). - I don't like that. (Shane laughing). - This is where we're starting. (Noah chuckling). Noah, I know you at least used to be on Reddit a lot.

I remember you were kinda the first person. who told me about Reddit years ago, and then I kind of got hooked on it, unfortunately. - Yeah, back when we first were working. at that company that is, so happy they're dead, they used to tell us to do work, and then I used to not do it and instead go on Reddit, and then tell everyone about what I was reading about. But now, ever since the show, I've like stopped doing Reddit, 'cause it's more fun to watch the show. than to go on the Reddit. - Yeah, I like to think that we sacrifice. by actually reading Reddit, and then we just give people the the fun stories to hear,

and they don't have to do the rest of it. And Keith, you don't go on Reddit. - Yeah, I don't read. (Keith and Noah laughing). - Okay, well, we've got some weird ones today. I think a lot of these were picked. based on the titles being really funny. I think these are gonna be fun for you guys, so. All right, let's begin. This comes from r/confession. - Ooh. - "I controlled my neighbor's TV for 6 months. from my phone and made him sell the TV. Now I regret it.

Last year I had an asshole neighbor. who always would be playing loud music, be rude to everyone, and not pick up his dog's shit. when they would go for walks right outside the building. The dog had a barking problem too, but I'm not hating on the dog. One evening I had problems with the internet, and for shits and giggles, I tried to connect to my neighbor's wifi with a password. 0123456789. Guess what? It connected. The same evening at 11:00 PM I started hearing. shitty drum and bass from my neighbor's apartment as usual,

and all of a sudden I see a popup appear on my phone. I have a Samsung phone, and when you open the YouTube app. on any Samsung Smart TV, a popup appears on your phone. with the TV casted YouTube app, as long as both devices are on the same wifi network. You have full control of TV YouTube on your phone, pause, play, volume, skip video if it's a playlist, choose a different recommended video, et cetera. At first, I did not realize what the popup was, and I just thought, what the (beep) is this? I thought my phone was glitching. There were options like pause, forward, volume, et cetera.

I pressed pause, and all of a sudden there was silence. in my neighbor's apartment. After a few seconds, the music started again, and I saw that the play button. turned to a pause button again on my phone. I pressed pause again. Music disappeared, and behind the wall, I hear, 'What the (beep)?'. (Kieth and Noah laughing). I cannot describe the feelings I had in that moment. My facial expression must have looked like. that Chris Pratt meme from Parks and Rec, oh snap. The music started playing again and again.

I pressed pause. Now I'm hearing grunts and profanities from my neighbor. I could feel his confusion and anger through the walls. I had never felt so much power in my life. God, universe, or whatever you want to call it, had blessed me with a gift. I kept (beep) with him that evening, pause, skip video, turn the volume up and down. He tried turning TV on and off, logging in and out of his YouTube account, and nothing seemed to work. He was so pissed off. It was the first time I was happy. that the walls in our building were so thin. This went on for days.

It turned out he mostly used YouTube on his TV. to watch videos, podcasts, even to play music. He was going completely insane. He did switch to Spotify, I'm guessing, for music, but still, every time he wanted to watch a podcast. or some videos, I was there ready and waiting for him to feel my wrath. Throughout the next few months, I heard him call customer support multiple times, making him reset the TV to factory settings, logging in and out of the YouTube app countless times. Sometimes I would stop messing with it. for a couple of days to give him false hope.

Then all of a sudden, when I hear him watching some comedy podcast. that he is enjoying, I would start playing another video for him. He would literally scream. Long story short, after six months of this, as I'm walking down the hallway one day, I saw a random couple carrying the TV out of his apartment, and him holding cash in his hand. I drove him to sell the TV and buy a new one. At that moment, I felt bad and started to regret my actions. Felt kind of childish about the fact. that I had been doing this for six months.". (Keith and Noah).

Wow. That's pretty funny. Don't make your password 0123456789. - That's, yeah, yeah. And the craziest thing is that's the first time. this has happened to him. He needs to check his bank account. - I know. - Oh, wow. True, true. I need to change my password from. 12345678. (Shane laughing). - I just feel like, I feel like I would get suspicious. that someone's connected to my wifi, because I've had that kind of happen where. my Bluetooth speakers start playing something else,

and I'm like, "Oh, someone accidentally connected. to my speakers." - Really? - Yeah, which is not as like, as big of a security risk. Like, that can happen. But that only happened like once, but I'm like, "Oh, it's someone around,". but that guy never assumed. - But he also waited six months. That's so long. That's too long. - He really dealt with that. But also, it's like, it's a TV. That's expensive to replace. - Yeah. - So he is probably like, shit. - Yeah, but listen, TVs are expensive, but when I moved. into my new apartment two years ago, I was shocked, and I'm sure they're having some crazy sale.

I got like a 40 inch TV for like $220. - Oh yeah, you can get good deals. if you get 'em at the right time. - And now, with that being said, it does monitor me all the time. - Yes. - And it feeds me ads, but... (Shane and Noah laughing). It was real cheap. - He could have had a lot more fun with this. He didn't say what videos he was playing. See like, if it was me, no matter what videos he is watching, no matter what he's doing, I would just always switch it to the music video for, "Who Let The Dogs Out?". Just endlessly, just, just. - Oh my goodness. - I would pick one video,

and it would just be that. - Wow. - And then him. explaining that to customer support, like, "Yeah, the TV, it keeps switching to who let the dogs out.". - That's crazy. What I would do, I would record my own videos, unlisted, right? (Shane laughing). Unlisted videos, and then play them, and he can never find them again. He's like, "How do I look this up? How do I do it?". - Oh my God. - And it's me from like, the future, right? - (beep) - Horrible. Just screw with him with messages, yeah. - Some comments here, "Look at it this way, some couple got a nice secondhand TV.".

OP responded, "And for a discount. Thank you, never looked at it that way.". Someone else said, "But now you can't control his TV. Maybe you should have only used it. when the need arose.". He said, "I just was not ready to wield so much power. I did think about it after the fact. Like, I could have literally made him question reality. For example, press pause only when he goes to the kitchen, or skip video every time he says a certain word. Yeah, the walls were that thin, and the (beep) talked loud.". Someone else said, "I can see for a few days, maybe a few weeks, but six months?

That is some top tier level commitments, sir. At least you realize what you were doing is childish, but don't sit on any regret, just don't do it again. You got a good laugh in. Plus, you mentioned they played loud music slash drums. at 11:00 PM. Slightly justified, in my opinion.". OP responded, "The dude was a complete asshole. Half of the building was complaining about him, but yeah, it does not really justify my actions, LOL.". (Keith chuckling). Someone said, "Did he let the new buyers. know it was defective? If he didn't, he's the asshole.". OP responded, "No idea about that. Either way, they definitely got a good TV.

for a secondhand price.". But see, this is the thing, the guy's not changing his wifi password, so his next TV, he could connect. See, that's where you could get real funny. - I think I got a business idea, right? I can get TVs half off. (group laughing). - You know what? The guy who actually. started controlling the other guy's TV, he actually sounds like a really good person. - I think he, yeah, he's funny. - I think he's just, like he said, he doesn't wanna wield the power or whatever,

but he sounds like a very level-headed person. - Yeah. - Like, you know? I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. - He could have got real bad. - I wanna get to know him. - Are you scared of them finding your wifi password? - No, I just feel like he's a cool person, you know? He's like, "You know, I know I was wrong,". but like, I can (beep) with that, that's cool. - Yeah. No, whenever someone writes and they're like, "Hey, I know what I'm doing is wrong,". it kind of, I don't know, washes away a lot, for some reason. - He was just being Petty Betty. Petty. Petty Wap.

- Petty Wap, Petty Wap. - Petty Wap. - Petty Murphy. - Okay. Next story. This comes from petty revenge. (Keith laughing). "A barmaid laughed at my drink order. I was on holiday with my son who's 14, and we were watching football in a bar in the evening. I don't really drink, but do enjoy a cocktail while on holiday. The server came by and asked if we wanted drinks. I asked for a pina colada, and she snickered a little at the order, and kind of laughed out an, 'Okay,'. then walked off to make it.

This annoyed me a little. I'm just a grown man wanting to drink a tasty cocktail. What's wrong with that? When she brought the drink back, I got my petty revenge. As she was placing the drink on the table, I said, 'My mom loved these, God rest her. I always have one on the anniversary of her death. to remember her.'. She looked horrified and tried to shuffle off quickly, so I asked her for a cocktail stirrer. so she had to come back again.". (Keith and Noah chuckling). "When she came back, I took a sip from the straw, kissed my hand and pointed to the sky, trying to look sad. She was so visibly uncomfortable,

I had to stifle my own laughs. She noticeably avoided our table multiple times after this.". Pina colada's not even like, a silly drink. I think those are good. - The name is funny though. - [Shane] Yeah. - He got her. - Straight up incredible. That's like 10 outta 10. I have no notes on that. - No, not at all. I would probably do the same. - Yeah, that's great. - Very concise. - Wait, was he at a sports bar? - Yeah, he was at a sports bar. - I will say. - Which I get,

yeah, pina colada had a sports bar. is kinda silly. - Yeah, I just don't think you should trust their pina coladas. - Yeah. I'm surprised they had them. - Yeah, I think that's why she laughed. She was like, "Okay. I don't know if we got that.". (Shane chuckling). - It's not like, I mean, unless you're like, in some sort of tropical location where it's justified. - Or like at a pool, but I think that because he's saying mum, I'm assuming this is the UK, so that's extra funny. - Yeah. - Do you ever feel judged. for what you order at a restaurant? - Have I ever felt judged for what I ordered? - I do, every time I go to Chili's,

I do order the chicken crispers, and I do kind of have a moment where I'm like, I'm like, and I look at the menu. even though I've ordered the same thing since I was seven. I'll be like, "Yeah, I'll get the, I'll get the chicken crispers.". - Is it the name that? - It's like, I'm like, "Can I just say chicken fingers, like, please?". - That's what it, it's just a chicken finger? - But they call 'em chicken crispers. - Wow, so then it's not on the kids' menu. - Yeah. (Keith and Noah laughing). But they're so good. They're so good.

- Yeah. - Oh, see, I got something now. So whenever I'd go to Applebee's, it was like a thing in our household, every Sunday we go to Applebee's after church. And I'll never forget ordering Shirley Temples all the time. Even until like adulthood, I would order Shirley Temples, but I didn't realize that it was actually supposed to like, it's the ones that don't have alcohol in it, right? It's like the-. - Is it supposed to have alcohol? - But this is the- - Oh, no, no, 'cause I think it's a, isn't it a dirty Shirley that has.

alcohol? - Yes, exactly. But I thought for the longest, exactly, but I felt bad 'cause I was like, "Oh, like I don't have, I can put alcohol in there," you know? I like to drink, I like to have a good time, so once I got to the age and I was still ordering, like, I could have put alcohol in my dirty Shirley. Well, I could have made it a dirty Shirley. - [Shane] You were just ordering-. - Dirly Twirly. - You were just ordering Shirley Temples, even though you were over 21. - Yes, yes, and I didn't know you could put alcohol in there. - That's not that bad though. - I mean, but no, I like to like have fun,

so I just, they were like, "You know it's supposed to be like a dirty one?". And I'm like, "Hold on, what? That's a thing?". It just, I don't know, it messed me up. I feel like I missed out. - The comments. "Wait," like in quotations as if the son is saying it, "Wait, dad, grandma died?". And then someone responded, "No, junior. We took her to the farm to play with grandpa.". (Keith laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - Someone said, "You taught your son a valuable lesson. on how to deal with jerky people. No need to get loud and yell at someone, just embarrass the shit out of 'em.".

Someone said, "My younger brother is a big guy, I mean big. He has a shaved head, many tattoos, swears like a sailor, and looks pretty scary really. He also really likes a cocktail. Years ago, too many, he took me out for my 30th birthday. We had a lovely meal, then we went to sit at the bar. They had a limited time seasonal cocktail. called a pear drop, or a peer drop, or pear drop. Can't even remember what was in it, but they were bloody good. We were both wankered by the time we left. He's not remotely bothered or ashamed. by what others might think.

Enjoy your cocktails, guys. Life is far too short. Also, fair play to you, OP. That was a stunning slap back.". And then lastly, someone said, "Me, minding my own business. while wearing all black clothing. Random stranger, 'You'd look so much prettier. if you wore some color.'. Me, 'I just came from a funeral, ma'am.'. Not really, but the look of mortification on her face. was worth the sin of the small lie.". (Keith chuckling). Yeah, man. No. Don't judge people for their drinks. - [Keith] Yeah. - This next story comes from relationship advice. - Ooh.

- Nice. - We got you. (fist slapping). We got you. We have a whole show about it. - We freaking know. Here we go. "Toupee Expose.". - Ooh. - [Shane] "I, a 23-year-old woman, have come to find out that my boyfriend, who's 26, wears a toupee and hasn't told me.". (Shane groaning). Oh no. Oh no. (Noah laughing). - It obviously is a really good toupee. - Yeah. - It obviously is a great one. - "Need help figuring out how to react. Changed ages slightly to stay anonymous.

I recently have come to the conclusion. that my boyfriend is wearing a toupee, and hasn't told me about it. I started finding hair that was clearly fake. around the house, and felt his hair for the first time. He usually shies away from letting me touch it, and it was clearly a wig. As a black woman, I'm very familiar with what fake hair feels like, and he was definitely wearing. a toupee." - Oh no. - "In addition, he only takes baths around me, with the exception of a single shower. where he came out with dry hair. I've also only been to his house once,

and the bathroom looked like it had been cleaned up, specifically before I got there. I've talked about my fake hair with him before, and he's never even looked like. he's considered telling me about his. It feels like a breach of trust. after knowing each other for so many months. that he can't just tell me. How should I approach this? And it for those wondering, the problem isn't that he wears it toupee, it's that he won't talk about it or acknowledge it, despite how open I've been about my fake hair with him.". Oh no. (Keith laughing).

I think I, I feel bad, but why it's a little funny to me. is that I'm like, as a guy, it's okay to be bald. - It is. - I mean, it's okay for anyone to be bald, but like, societally, it's not even like a thing. - Yeah. - I feel like he's a 20, he's a late 20s man. There's tons of bald dudes out there. - Yeah. (Keith chuckling). - But I now am picturing just a very, I'm glad because I'm picturing a wig. that is very clearly fake. - So obviously fake. - Like just a wig that does not match the guy,

like an emo wig. - It's backwards. - It's now just like, "Babe, what's wrong? Sorry.". - And the day before, it was like a full afro. - It's different every day. It's a completely new haircut. He is just like, "Yeah, my hair is crazy." - Oh my. - You see? Sorry, it's humid today, so that's why my hair is down to my waist. - I have a friend actually who, so, just walk with me. So, one day I get a text message from one of my friends. It's a link of a viral YouTube video, right?

And one of my friends who was balding actually. got a man a wig, like a lace front. The video had like 5 million views. in such a short amount of time. And like, it looked really, really good. It looked good, and we all knew it was fake, but it got to the point where he left it on too long. And he tried to dye it. - No. - He tried to dye it. - You gotta take the wig off. - Yes, he tried to dye it, and one of my friends said,

"Hey man, I think it's time to let it go.". (Noah laughing). But it's like, it looked really good, and I supported it from a distance. I never seen it in person, but like, from what it looked like, the video probably has like 20 million views now. - Yeah, yeah. - Man. - And different friends reached out to say, "Hey man, you see so-and-so in this suit video?". I'm like, "Yeah, I've seen it.". (Noah chuckling). - My cousin has, I'm not trying to call out my cousin, but the other side of my family has early baldness. And it is something where I think, and there's many reasons that people bald early,

like one is obviously just. genetics or hormones or something, but also like, you can have alopecia or like other-. - [Shane] Sure. - So I think it is a legitimate thing, like a real insecurity. that people have. - Absolutely. - And like, obviously. it's not one that I've had to deal with, but I do think that it is funny for me, 'cause a juxtaposition in my mind is. your partner is someone that you should hopefully. be as open as possible with, and then also your partner is a black woman. who is very openly telling you that, like, she has experience with it. She also has them, and she's aware of it. So it's just funny to be like, "No, uh-uh, not at all.".

And like, you're talking to the expert here. - They're missing an opportunity. to go wig shopping together. - Whoa. - See, that's the problem, but I wish she would reach out to him, just say, "I know what." - Because she could. actually teach him some techniques. - She should just say, "I know what's fake.". (Noah laughing). Now, because he's probably got good glue. - That would hurt. - Yeah. - I think I feel bad for him. I mean, I do feel bad for him, because the only thing worse than having an insecurity. is desperately trying to hide it, and that's such a struggle day in and day out for people.

And I'm sure it would be so freeing for him. to know that she's like, "Hey, I don't care.". - [Noah] Yeah. - Like, it doesn't seem like it affects how she views him. And so for him to be able to not worry about that. would probably be so great for him, but that's, I feel bad for him that he's. trying so hard to not even let your partner be able to like, touch your face or hair. - Yeah. - He's gonna eventually have to tell her. - Eventually. But like, my thing is, what else he got to hide,

you know? - Oh yeah. - He's hiding. way more than that. - What's one he hiding. under the toupee? That's what it is. The toupee is up front. - Some comments here, "I think it is hilarious. that someone who wears wigs considers his toupee. a breach of trust.". (Noah laughing). OP, "It's not that he wears them, it's that he isn't vulnerable to talk about it,". which had 25 down votes. - Oh. - I get that it's like, it's up to him and it's his journey to like, but it, yeah,

I understand the position also that she's in. where she can obviously tell, but she can't call him out on it. And that's, but I think, yeah, going back, I just, the thing is she's just trying to tell him like, "Hey, I'm attracted to you regardless of that," so, but I get that it's tough. - Yeah, it is, and obviously, 'cause we don't deal with it, 'cause I know a lot of people, especially growing up, like people get in accidents and they might like lose teeth. Like, I know many kids where like you would've no idea. until they show you, you know,

I've know 'em for two or three years, and they'll pop out like four teeth. that are in different spots, and you don't know that it's like, really? And I can understand how. it's unfortunate that the way that you look, you get treated certain ways. that you don't have control over, so I can understand why you would want. to present a certain way or avoid attention, but I do think that it's not fully communicated. I think in the post what OP is trying to say, or at least how I am interpreting it. - [Shane] That's true. - She wants to say, "I think it's weird. that he can't be vulnerable with his partner. when I'm trying to give him the space to open up.".

- Yeah. - Yeah. - And I think that it's. getting a little clouded in her trying to tell him. what he needs to do, you know? - That's true. She's just like, "Hey, I want to establish trust in this relationship.". I get that, 'cause it would be, it is tough when you know your partner's. not telling you something. - [Keith] Yeah. - But they seem that they're early on in their relationship, I think, so. My take is just that this guy will feel better. once he is honest with his partner. - [Noah] Yeah. - He will feel better. 'cause he'll be like, "Oh, I don't have to hide this.".

It reminds, like to my own personal take is like, I used to wear lifts in my shoes, and it didn't do much. It added like an inch of height, but-. - You did? - Yeah. - Yeah, bro, when he said that to me, I had no idea. - What? - Well they weren't massive. They weren't crazy, it was like an inch. - I had no idea. - But that was forever ago. I stopped wearing 'em pretty early on when I got here, and I felt so much better. - [Keith] Yeah. - I felt better just to be like, "Yeah, I'm short. And okay," and then I like, I don't know. You can't really love yourself. until you really like accept it.

Some other comments here, "I wouldn't call it a breach of trust. It sounds more like he may not trust you enough yet. to admit something so personal. If he had a weird toe but always used socks, you wouldn't find it so strange, I guess. Some men are very insecure about balding. and feel less of a man for it. Some attempt treatments, implants, and the like. I'm thinking that toupee may have been a last resort. after all else failed. Whatever you say, be kind and reassuring, as it will likely be exposing. a very big insecurity of his.". - Oh, wow. - "On the bright side, it will uncover how he reacts.

when faced with his insecurities.". - That's a good comment. - That's beautiful, I like that. - I think that comment was great, and it's something for me, like I don't experience baldness, and it is something that I think. a lot of people are insecure, like they said, and it makes 'em feel less of a man, and that sucks. That really sucks. - It does suck. - It also is crazy to me, some people choose to be bald, because they think they look better with like, you know? - [Shane] See, what's funny is like, they talk about like, they're less of a man, I only attribute baldness to like-. - Really manly people? - Action heroes.

It's literally like Vin Diesel, Jason Statham, The Rock. Like, I don't know, in fairness to him, fake hair on women is seen. as a lot more socially acceptable. I'd be a bit bummed that he didn't feel. like he could tell me. Would maybe consider it like a yellow flag, but it wouldn't be a gigantic deal to me. Someone said, "Bald guy, and not sure what to tell you, but I long for a day. where dudes wearing wigs is acceptable. I want to Fabio my shit up. without getting laughed out of every room of people I know.".

That is a true, I didn't think about that. I didn't think about that. It is strange how it is seen in a certain way. - Yeah. - That's like almost everything though. I feel like a lot of the norms are being washed away. - That's what's good. - Which I appreciate, you know? - Because it does suck. to try to put people in a status quo. based on how they wanna present. and based on your history with them, 'cause if you're friends with someone, you give them leeway in order to express themselves. But if like all of a sudden your boss wants to show up. with a Fabio wig all of a sudden, that's gonna make them treat you different, or vice versa,

it kind of sucks, you know? - Yeah, that's so true. - Like in a professional space, that's probably why he doesn't wanna do it, you know? - [Shane] Yeah. Yeah, and I guess it comes back to the thing. that I feel like we get from a lot of Reddit stories, which is just someone's body is their business. Do what they wanna do, and like, maybe it's not even about. that he's insecure about being bald, maybe he just truly likes doing that. - That's true. - It's fine too. - We didn't even say that. Like, he might just actually like how it looks. - It sounds like things could be really good. if there's honest communication here. - More time to spend together. "Hey babe, do you like my wig?

What do you think about this one? How about this one?". You know? That'd be cool. - I mean, my girlfriend colors my hair, 'cause she can't do it to her own. - Oh. - Yeah. - Looks good. - Thanks. - All right, let's move on. This comes from, Am I The Asshole? Classic. - Yes, every time. (Keith laughing). - "Am I The Asshole for yelling at my husband over bread?". (Keith and Noah snickering). - "Info, my husband is a duck.". (Keith laughing). - "Info, is your husband a duck, or Jesus?".

Okay, "Whenever I buy something out of the ordinary. with a specific dinner purpose in mind, my husband manages to find it and eat it. I am sure if I was planning to bake something. and bought yeast, I would come home. to find him completely distended. and surrounded in empty yeast packets. I usually stick to the same grocery list every week, and I feel like if I buy something out of the ordinary. that is clearly an ingredient for a larger meal, he could at least ask before devouring it. Last night I bought two baguettes,

which I have only ever purchased to make french bread pizza. for him and our kids. I bought these at 11:00 PM, and they were not even here 12 hours. when I saw them on the counter. with the first 6 inches ripped off of each loaf, scanned the house, and saw my husband chewing. If it had been one loaf, okay. If he had used a knife, maybe. But the fact that he didn't ask. if they were going to be for dinner, and then ripped the top off of both of them, like that final boss Bloater in 'The Last of Us'. that lumbers out of the hole and rips the guy's head off.

This is unforgivable. He insists I should tell him when I buy things. if they're for a specific purpose. I say I am already taking on the burden. of grocery shopping and cooking, and at least he can do is ask. Am I the asshole here?". (Shane snickering). No. (Noah laughing). Anyone who rips the tops off of two baguettes. What the (beep)? - Yeah, dude. - A baguette has two ends. If you really like the end, get take the other end of the baguette. - Yeah. That's insane, this is the most French problem. I've ever heard in my life. (Shane laughing).

Oh my God. Came home, you took off two halves, two separate baguettes? Man. - Yeah, my French husband. - Yeah. - Eats all our baguettes. Okay, there's an edit from OP where she added more details, "Some pertinent information, we have two snack cabinets that he's free to snack from, not to mention whatever's in the fridge. The bread was in a cabinet with mostly ingredients. There was regular sandwich bread for the taking. that was unharmed. For those who have stated. that this is raccoon-like behavior, it really does feel like I'm running. a wildlife rehab operation, but the only patient is a 37-year-old software programmer.

To the dude who said that my husband is going to leave me. for another woman who will give him peace, tell me you're still bitter. about how things ended with Sheila. without telling me you're bitter. about how things ended with Sheila.". I wonder if- - Damn. - [Shane] Jesus Christ, (Keith and Noah laughing). I wonder if she looked at that person's account. and found like posts. - Sheila. - Sheila, no. (Noah and Kieth laughing). - My take with anything food related is just like,

hey, just ask real quick. Should I go, "Can I eat this?". That's not that hard. - Let's talk about it, you know what I mean? Like, ask me, just ask. - Her describing her 37-year-old. software programming husband. as a raccoon in a wildlife refuge. is exactly what I imagine it's like. - [Shane] Yeah. - Like I don't, I think that's probably 100%. what that experience is, right? I'm kind of like a raccoon, I think. I would just, I would do that. You guys wouldn't just like, pull a baguette out. and eat some? - A baguette is delicious.

A fresh baguette, so good. (Keith groaning). - [Shane] Oh no. You get a little thing of olive oil, put some balsamic vinegar in that, and then pepper on top, and then you dip. the baguette. - Damn. - Oh, dude. - Don't they do that at? - At like restaurants. - Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah, I'm not a bread guy. - Really. - Yeah, I'm not a bread guy. Like, I'd rather eat a cheeseburger without bread. (deep bass tone). - [Crew Member] Moving on. - [Shane] That's not a cheeseburger. Going back to one piece of information here, "Last night I bought two baguettes,

which I have only ever purchased to make french bread pizza. for him and our kids.". So this guy definitely knew, this guy just seems like he's clueless. He's just thinking about coding all the time. - Yeah, I don't know. - He's thinking. about software. - I always thought he was like, "If I take this half and this half, she can take the other halves, and then have one.". - Yeah, what? - What is going on here? - Oh. - Sir. - Okay, this comes back to. a theme that we have a lot here, weaponized incompetence,

which is this guy being incompetent on purpose. in order to kind of as a form of control. towards her. - Yeah. - Dang. - This could be weaponized incompetence, because it seems pretty obvious, or he's really this stupid. - Yeah. - And oftentimes, people who are really smart, like he's a software programmer, so he's smart in some ways, but just really dumb in the most obvious ways.

- I'm gonna give him a little bit of benefit of the doubt, because I am stupid myself. - [Shane] Okay. - And it depends on the packaging, and I know this is so stupid. If a package isn't clear in some parts of it, I will think the package is empty, even if there's things in it. So maybe just, maybe the bread is packaged in a way. where it's not clear, and he ate half and then put it back, and then when he saw the other full one, you know? And the other one, I'm just trying to give him the benefit. of the doubt. - She saw them both,

she saw them both, they were both on the counter. He got one loaf out. - Yeah, no, he's down. - Took it off, ate it, got a different loaf, took that off, ate it. This guy's just kind of inconsiderate at that point. I think he's. - He might be constipated. (Shane chuckling). That's a lot of bread. in like five hours. - That's a lot. - He ate a whole baguette. - He basically ate a loaf. - True. - Comments, "Not the asshole. OP shouldn't have to label every food item. that comes into the house, especially since this is a pattern, the husband should learn to ask first. It's not hard to say, 'Hey, are you saving these baguettes for something?

Because if you're not, I want to tear six inches off each one. and leave the mangled remains on the counter.'". OP responded, "That's exactly how I feel.". Someone said, "He ate pieces of different loaves. Either he has failed basic comprehension. of food safety and storing, or he is intentionally eating things you bring for dinner. You also said it was in the do not snack area. Consider a divorce before it becomes your keys, your wallet, et cetera. Not the asshole, but your husband loves being one.". - Wait, before it becomes the keys in the wallet? Is she gonna wake up with half her wallet missing?

(crew chuckling). What do you mean? - "I ate half of your credit card.". - Yeah. - "Not the asshole, just because he ate off of both loaves. before finishing the first one. Who the heck does that?". Someone said, "'I'm sure if I was planning to bake something. and bought yeast, I would come home. to find him completely descended. and surrounded in empty yeast packets.'. Not the asshole, because that's the funniest sentence I've read in a while.". Yeah, it makes me sad she has to deal with this. Like, this... I don't know. Someone bringing up divorce,

it sounds like that's a lot, but this level of disrespect, if this type of disrespect carries over. into other areas of her life, it's like, he really doesn't treat you well. Yeah, you're already going. to the grocery store doing all this shit, and it just feels like he's not considering you. You're supposed to be a team, you know? - Yeah. - And also, now he is not getting dinner. - Well, maybe he doesn't like the pizzas. Maybe he doesn't. like her cooking. - Maybe he really. hates the baguette pizzas. - He's eating all the ingredients. before she can screw them up, because she's says.

he keeps eating ingredients. - "I prefer only ingredients.". - Yeah. - He ate that, he ate a bag of cheese, or some tomatoes. - Oregano. - A sausage. - Yeah, he got some salt and just put it right in his mouth. Yeah, swished it around. Dude's crazy. - All the ingredients. - Yeah. - There's an update. - Ooh. - Wow, let's go. - There was a divorce. He ate half the kids. (Keith chuckling). - "Wow, I was not expecting this to blow up, or for so many people. to have such strong feelings about bread. Thank you for all of your input, especially my sister who unexpectedly chimed in.

This may be the most validating experience. of seven years of living together. I shared this with my husband, and he accepts his asshole status and apologized. We are going to work on communicating better, and he is going to work on his weaponized incompetence.". - Oh wow. - Whoa. - Look. - "He wants you to know. he occasionally cooks rice and beans, and lately has been making us late night quesadillas. when the kids are asleep. But most of all, 'I was just hungry,' my husband.". That's what he said. - Whoa. - Wow, that's awesome.

I like when it comes around like that. - It reads like, I'm shocked this guy was sober. This reads as like, if I knew that he smoked a joint, I'd be like, okay, yeah, that's high behavior, to take a chunk off one, take a chunk off another, and leave it on the counter. - That's awesome. - Yeah. - He's just aloof. - That's a cute story. That's a cute story. He's cooking for 'em now, you know? - Right, rice and beans. - Rice and beans. That's a good meal. - She is the sweetest in the world, 'cause she wrote that really painting her partner.

in a positive light. That was just so sweet. That was a whole little bow to that. - They are a team. - Yeah, they are a team. - Even though he's aloof as hell. (Keith chuckling). - He's a loaf. - A loaf, he's a loaf. (upbeat music). (Keith shouting). (Keith laughing). - We'll be right back. (Keith laughing). All right, next story. This from Today I (beep) Up. - This is good. It's gonna be good. - "Today I (beep) up by accidentally ordering my...". - Whoa, whoa. You see his reaction?

- Yeah, I don't know if it's 'cause he can't read, or 'cause you read it too quick. - No, no, I think it's something crazy. - "Today I (beep) up by accidentally ordering my nudes. to my very nosy parents' house. So basically, my boyfriend's birthday is in a few days, so I was going to make him a photo album. of my spicy slash not safe for work pictures, mostly me in bra and panties, and my boobs. No vagina pics. (Keith laughing). - Man. Sorry.

- What am I looking at here? (all laughing). - Hey honey, I think I opened the time capsule. (Shane chuckling). (Noah laughing). - Oh my god. - "Well, I recently moved outta my parents' house, and I haven't changed the address on my Google account. When I placed the order a few hours ago, I completely forgot to change the address. I went to bed, and as I was falling asleep, I was jolted awake by the thought, 'Holy shit, I don't think I changed. the delivery address for the photos.'. I checked, and sure enough I didn't. I ordered from Google Photos,

and you can't cancel the order or change the address. if it's been more than two hours since you placed it. It's been about five already. I'm so effed because my mom is very nosy, and always goes through my mail and packages. Literally whenever I order stuff, if I don't get to the mailbox first thing in the morning, she opens it, and then brings it to me. I've asked her to please stop.". - My mother is Lassie. - [Shane] Yeah. "I've asked her to please stop doing this so many times, but she never listens and always makes up some BS excuse. Now since I'm living in a different state, there's no way I'll be able to get to it before her.

So yeah, if I call her. and ask her to send the package to me, she's going to open it and see my nudes. If I ask her to please not open it. because my nudes are in it, she's going to scream at me for taking nudes. She's paranoid of Apple and Google. and all other big tech companies, and sees them as evil, and start ranting about how Google. is probably gonna upload my photos to sites. and send them to my college and work and ruin my life, or something along those lines. She'll probably also tell my dad, and I really don't need him to find another reason. to be disappointed in me, LMAO.". Okay.

So, that's a tricky situation. - Is her face in some of the pictures? - I imagine, yeah. - Oh wow. - [Shane] 'Cause like, yeah, mostly me in bra and panties, and my boobs. And these are like, she made a photo album for her boyfriend, so I would imagine. - Yeah. - But were they done tastefully? 'Cause you know- - I think so, it sounds like, I mean, this is not just taking it on your phone, she like. - Oh, she did it like professionally there. I can get with that. - I would imagine. - I can get with that. - I think it's pretty cool.

- That's cool, right? - That's great in a relationship. Do whatever you wanna do. - Now, look, now you don't wanna have a picture. sent to your parents' house with your legs like open. (all laughing). - And you're in another state. (all laughing). - "Hey, mom.". See, like what if it's done tastefully? That's like the good end of the, you know? - Yeah. Some comments, "I'm sorry, maybe the hard way to learn not. to open the mail for someone else.". OP responded, "Yeah, but I don't know if it's gonna. be worth all the fallout I'm about to get from it.

Our relationship is already a bit rocky at the moment, and she's super against nudes slash sex. If she knows I take nudes of myself, she's going to kill me.". - How the hell did she get here? She's against sex? - She's against sex. - So how, okay. - She's like, "Your father and I don't even know how you were made.". - Yeah. No, no, that's why she's against it. She's like, "We had it, it was great, but I didn't know you were coming.". "Don't. I'm against it now." - You were the result. - Never again. - Another comment, "When she receives them and opens them,

inevitably she will tell you. how disappointed in you she is. Remind her that opening someone else's mail. is a federal offense, and taking nudes. for your boyfriend is not any sort of crime.". OP responded, "True, this might be the best option.". - Yeah. - Wait. - Yeah, that is the only option. You don't enter a bathroom if the door's closed, you don't just open that door. If you do, you're liable to see someone pooping. - [Shane] Yeah. - Don't open my mail. - Which I could sue you for, right? - It depends how bad it smells in there. I might sue you. (Keith chuckling).

- Someone said, "Tell her it's a present for her, for her for Christmas, and she shouldn't open it, and she will spoil the surprise, or she'll spoil the surprise.". Someone said, "Until her curiosity gets the best of her. and she opens it and becomes very confused.". OP responded, "Oh my God. She's literally opened Xmas and b-day presents. in the past that I ordered for her. Told her not to open specifically. because they were supposed to be a surprise for her, and she still opened them.". Man, I don't think there's. any way of her getting out of this. - No, I think you have to call and just tell her, like, "Hey, I'm in another state. You know you're gonna get a package,

I know you're gonna open it, and I need you to fax those over.". - Right, truly. Yeah. - I'm either set, there's a package. Mail it to me, don't open it. If you open it, I'm gonna need those pictures still, and that's about it. - "And then I will be pressing charges.". - Right, absolutely. - Yeah, yeah. - Absolutely. - We're about to find out, 'cause there's an update. - Oh, God. - "Hey everyone, thank you so much for all the suggestions. and feedback on my last post. I took many people's advice, and I emailed both Google and FedEx. I just got an email back from Google. saying that they had gotten my address change request.

and they changed it. Thank God. The problem is that FedEx hasn't gotten back to me yet. about the address change. However, they did just send me an. email with the tracking number. It's concerning me a bit, because it says the photos are in transit, and it still has my parents' address listed. I'm really hoping that Google did actually. change the address in time, and that there was no miscommunication. Hopefully FedEx just hasn't updated yet or something. I guess right now all I can really do. is wait and see what happens. I'll post an update in a couple days. when hopefully I get my photos, and not my parents, if anyone still cares.".

- Oh, we care. - Update number two. - Update? - Update number two. "Hey, everyone, I just wanna thank y'all again. for all this advice and support, as well as all the smart and creative things. people came up with to explain slash rationalize. the situation to my parents. in case the address change didn't update in time. and they got the photos. I guess I won't have to use any of it though, because I just checked my mail and the photos are here.". (Noah and Keith cheering). - Glory to God. - Boobies are safe. - Oh my God. - "I'm sorry to disappoint some of y'all. I know it's not the most dramatic or exciting ending,

but God am I relieved it turned out this way. I'm excited to finally give my boyfriend his. now belated birthday gift. Unfortunately, the surprise was ruined. He already knows about the photos, because he saw how stressed out I've been the last few days. and asked about it, so I had to tell him. He loved the gift idea, and has been amazing about the whole situation, helping me contact FedEx, and supporting, comforting me about the possibility. of my parents getting the photos instead. He joked that for my birthday, he's going to get me a colored photo printer. so I can print more photos for him, and not have to stress about it again, ha ha.".

- Okay, this might be controversial. - Oh god, oh god. - It might be controversial. - Guys. - You looked at both of us, so it is. - I did, I'm just gonna say it. This is my opinion, and my opinion as a straight male. I think women, aesthetically beautiful. I think all women are aesthetically beautiful. Men, I find more difficult to even imagine myself. doing like a photo shoot like that, you know what I mean? - [Shane] Yeah. - And it might be my own self-consciousness, but I also just don't think, and obviously I'm a straight man, so I'm not,

it just, it doesn't feel like art, if that makes sense. I don't know, when I think of like a woman. doing that in my mind, I'm like, "Oh, it's like a pretty vase," or it's like. - Yeah. - You know, it's like a painting. When I think of like me doing that, I'm like, "What is this, like, crooked man? Who's this goblin?". - What kind of poses would you do? - I think I'd probably, I would probably put the camera on the ground, and I'd probably do something like. (Shane shrieking). - But would what would you do it booty naked. and your balls are dropping? - Maybe backwards, right? - From the back? - Looking straight up.

- Yeah, and I have a mirror on my ceiling too, so I make. sure that you get. - So you could see your face, and you're looking up. - And I look up, and then I'm gonna put a little Waldo somewhere. - Okay. - Right? - Oh, that's fun. - So it's a game. - Well, see, then if it's a Where's Waldo situation, that's really fun. - Well, Waldo's in my ass. - Okay. (Noah giggling). - [Shane] Just the feet. - Just the feet. (all laughing). - I could see a lot of women appreciating this. from their boyfriends or husbands, but not because they're like, "Oh, hell yeah,". but more because it's like, "Wow, that's a very vulnerable thing.

that you did." - That's true. - But I don't, I just, I don't know. I feel like I never hear, like when girlfriends are talking about their boyfriends, it's just a different thing. I don't know. They're never like, "Oh yeah, I love looking at his penis.". Like, you never hear. - Dude, I love-. - You never hear women say that. I think guys are just more, maybe more visual. I don't know, but. - Yeah, that's funny. - I don't know, I think there's probably lots of couples. where they both would appreciate it. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Or each other. - A narcissistic couple.

- What. - What? When they take pictures of themselves, and then send it to themselves? - To themselves? - And then look at them. - For my birthday, I sent myself a photo album of my ass. (Kieth and Noah laughing). It's great. - Wild. - And I accidentally sent it to my parents. (all laughing). - So I've heard this story was picked. mainly because one of the comments is incredible. - Okay. - Okay. - This is from True Off My Chest. This is a confession someone's making. "Got a vasectomy, now I have a superpower? I, a 33-" (Noah blowing raspberry).

"I, a 33 year old man, got my vasectomy last year. after having three children. My wife told me I had to, LOL. Oh man, was I scared shitless. after watching a hundred plus YouTube videos on the matter.". - I'm scared right now listening to this story. - "Nonetheless, it wasn't necessarily. the pain I was afraid of, but rather how it could affect your sex life. People complain of numbness. or not being able to get off anymore, which makes me nervous. Well, after a year and a shitty shirt from my wife, my new ability, so to speak, is that now I can (beep) on command,

whether that's a gift or curse, I still can't put my thumb on it. It's no longer a matter of, it's no longer a matter of, "Damn, that feels good.". It's either the session is taking too long, or my wife is spent and tells me to climax with her. Is this worth bitching about? I'm not saying I'm a stud now by no means, but sex isn't the same for me now.". - Oh no. - "I feel like I've. fallen under that notion of being numb, I guess. It's hard to explain. I jokingly told my buddies not to get the procedure, giving them my experience. They laugh and say they wish they had that ability. Anyone else here go through changes after a vasectomy?".

(Shane chuckling). - Wow. - I'm gonna get a vasectomy. - Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. - Okay, okay, first before we move on, this is the comment. - [Noah] Oh, top comment? - And Noah, you're gonna love this, "Dude's a nut bender. - Wow. - Someone said, "Everything changed. when the semen nation attacked. None of the other nations saw it coming.". - Oh my God. - Prime Reddit, I'm sure that went on forever. That's Reddit for you. - Incredible. - I like to think when he is like, "I can (beep) on command," he's just anywhere.

- [Noah] Yeah. - And it's just like, he's like, he's at a restaurant, and they're just like, "Oh, I'm sorry sir, they cooked the steak wrong.". He is just like, "Oh yeah, it's okay.". (Shane moaning). (all laughing). Like, what? - "I'm so sorry." - No, no, no, no. - Thinking it's like, he's at Chili's, so it's like here's the molten lava cake, how is it?". He's like. (Shane shouting). (Keith laughing). - The manager comes out, "Sir, you've done that for every single one. of your 3 for 20 courses.". - "There's no (beep) way,

you already came after the chicken crispers.". - Yeah. - "There's no way you're ready yet.". - Oh my god. - That man just came five times during his Chilis. - "We need to ban you from this restaurant, 'cause everyone else is demanding a refund.". (all chuckling). - Oh my God. - Holy shit, that's so funny. I love that he's become so powerful that he's like, jaded. - Yeah. - He's become "One Punch Man.". - Yeah. - Someone said, "Bro, make sure. you don't have a third sperm tube. My cousin was born this way after uncle had a snip, was the biggest scandal since sliced bread.

Turns out uncle had a third tube and auntie didn't cheat.". - Whoa. - Whoa. - "Kind of jealous how your kids. immediately follow your command right away.". OP said, "This is funny, LOL. Now only if I had total command of the three kids. I do have, LOL.". Someone said, "Yeah, ha.". Nice. - That was good. - "Was the same for me before and after, do you think your after effects could be a mental thing? Like your seed doesn't do anything, so your brain is subconsciously going, what's the point?".

OP respond, "I like this answer a lot. You're probably right that it is something mental. on a subconscious level at the least.". Someone said, "I know I'm a bit late to the post, but I'm glad someone mentioned the mental possibility. It could also be hormonal. A common side effect of hysterectomies and tubal ligations. is low libido, and even dryness. It sounds like your vasectomy is having a similar effect. If you're unhappy, which it sounds like you are, definitely speak to your doctor. They may have a way to help you, or get you a referral to someone who can.".

I know they're reversible, so. - [Noah] Yeah. - Oh, they are? - Yeah. They take a dead guy's nuts. (Keith and Shane laughing). - Noah, shut up. - No, they're reversible. I think it's actually a pretty like, I think it's a pretty mild procedure. - It's supposed to be really easy to do. - It's not an intense thing. - Oh my God. - Yeah. Both are supposed to be super easy. - [Shane] Yeah. - Okay, so how, when would you cut it off? When would you be like, okay, how many children would you have before you would. get a vasectomy. - Well, just as soon. as you're just like, "I'm done.". - But what about you specifically?

What's your cutoff amount of children? - It depends, I guess on the situation. - Even three, even four? - I don't think I need. a vasectomy to stop having children, but that made it sound like I already have kids. No, I don't think I want any kids. - You don't? Oh, damn. - Yeah, but I also don't. think I plan on getting a vasectomy. at this point in my life. - I get why some married couples do it, 'cause it's just like, "Sweet, now we just don't. have to worry." - Yeah, there's no risk. - And we get to just do whatever we want. - I mean, if you're like 35. and you already have 3 kids, why risk. this random pregnancy? - I think it makes. a lot of sense. Yeah, but he became too powerful.

- Yeah. - I want those powers. - I don't know. It sounded like, listen, people always say the grass is always greener, and that's why I know I stay on my side of the lawn, and this sounds like that. It sounds like the grass is always greener, because I mean, his wife is happy. Everything sounds great, except he's devoid of joy. - From being too awesome. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Okay, here's our last story, you ready? "I started a nasty rumor about someone back in high school. that turned out to be true.". - Oh. - Oh.

- That's the best. - Whoa. - I am instantly involved. - I wonder if this is the best in this case, 'cause our confessions is rarely like, good. - Oh, wait. Yeah, 'cause it could be a really bad rumor. - I'm thinking about like, okay, grounded real rumor is like, oh yeah, I don't know if the, is the rumor about a woman or a man? Or just like a rumor being like, they have a kid. that they, that feels like a type of rumor. that you'd spread. - That could be. - Or that they committed a crime of some sort, and then it's true that they committed a crime. - Oh wow. - Whoa.

- I have no idea. - Yeah, but what crime? Don't just say they committed a crime. Like, did they murder? Do they cook crack? - I don't know. - Like, what did they do? - Yeah. - Crack? - Okay. - Hey. - Okay. - There were. rumors of my high school of murders. - And people cooking crack? - There's a movie about the murders. that happened at my school. - Oh, oh. - Yeah. - Hold on, what? - Yeah, we can talk about it another time. - Okay, so no predictions from you guys? - Oh, oh, I got a prediction. - What's the rumor? - They like to put Legos in their ass, and one's been stuck in there since 5th grade, and now they're in 10th grade.

- Okay. - Maybe like they, somebody got held back like five times. - Oh they're older than they say they are. - Exactly. - Whoa, like a whole orphan situation? - Yes. - That's a nasty rumor. - Yeah. - That messed up. - Let's see. "This is my first time posting here, so sorry if this post breaks any rules. I'm using a throwaway. because I have to get this off my chest, and don't want my main account to be associated with it. This happened in high school, so I was about 15 or 16-years-old, and it was a small high school in a tiny, southern, mostly conservative town. - Oh no.

- [Shane] Surprisingly, mine was one of those schools. that pretended to care about discrimination. based on sexuality and gender, but it was all very half-assed. I'm a transgender male, female to male, so back then, I couldn't be out to too many people. So I mostly presented as a girl, and was only out to a very small group of people. who I considered to be my close friends. There was this one girl who I thought I could trust. with my identity, so I told her, but she went and deliberately misgendered me behind my back. Not to people I wasn't out to, but to my close friends who knew of.

and could discuss my identity. Mind you, if someone slips up and uses she for me, I don't care. I correct them real quick, or they will correct themselves, and I will thank them for it. Most trans people will tell you the same thing. Slipping up the first few times is no biggie. Just quickly correct yourself and move on. Please don't over apologize, it makes this awkward for everyone involved. But this girl did it deliberately, going as far as rolling her eyes. when I quietly and politely corrected her. My deadname is not easy to pronounce for English speakers, and my chosen name at the time was more American,

but she still went out of her way to learn. how to pronounce my old name so she could call me it. I was going to tolerate it, because between my grades and my home life, I wasn't in the mood to deal with her. But one day I was sitting with a friend, and she told me about this girl's behavior. I told her I just wanted to brush it off, and my friend asked if I was really. about to let her do that to me. For some reason, that made something click, and at the time, I thought I wasn't respecting myself. by doing nothing about it. I decided to start a rumor. that the girl was hooking up with her cousin.". - Oh.

(Keith laughing). (Keith shouting). In the small town. - Hey. - Yo. A lot of people were like, "Hey, that's, hey, don't make fun of her for that.". - "I tried to be subtle about it. When someone mentioned her, I would ask, 'Is it the one that's dating her cousin, or another one?'. If I was asked about it, I'd say, 'I think it's kind of gross, so I try not to think about it.'. People in that school loved drama. It doesn't matter if it sounds true, if it's juicy enough, it's good enough to spread, so of course the news spread like wildfire.

It was scary to watch, because I thought I'd ruin someone's life. over a small conflict. with something that wasn't actually true. Eventually, the rumor reached her, and she was a livid. No one knew who started it, and I had always claimed. that someone else had told me about it. I thought she had been denying it. when I heard that she knew about the rumor, until I overheard some classmates talking about it. I'm very quiet and keep to myself, so I think people assume that means I'm not listening, or won't tell when they gossip around me. That means they would talk loudly, and I would be able to eavesdrop on the conversation.

Apparently, she wasn't denying it. She was defending herself. She was threatening to fight people, asking if it was really that wrong, since they weren't planning on having kids, and saying, 'So love is love until it's us?'. Referring to herself and one of her cousins. It was wild and it made me feel sick, both because it was a rumor I started. that got people into this mess, and because it turned out to be true. Eventually things seemed to settle down. when the administration made a vague statement. about minding our business when it comes. to people's personal lives. It hasn't been that long, but I have graduated,

and I'm a sophomore in college now, and I still lie awake at night thinking about it. I practically ruined someone's reputation. and got off scot free. But at the same time, this person. was in an incestuous relationship with her cousin.". - Yeah. - [Shane] "Years later, and it's still a conflict, it's still as conflicted to me as it was back then. She was not a good person, and I think she deserved it to some extent, but it still makes my stomach churn with guilt. still for some reason.". That's 'cause you're a good person. - Yeah. - Yeah. Does the punishment meet the crime? I don't know if I can say, specifically.

I mean, this person went out of their way. to disrespect someone, in a way that they absolutely knew would hurt them the most. - Exactly. - So, I don't know. I mean, and certainly this person wasn't trying to, they didn't even know, they were just doing, I'd say a very typical high school thing, spread a nasty rumor. - I mean, honestly, like ball was in their court once the rumor was out there, and they decided to confirm it, like, does punishment meet the crime?

Not at all, 'cause in my opinion, there wasn't even punishment. You date your cousin, that's what you do. And if that's what you do, that's how you live, like I'm living my life how I live my life, and you can't respect that. - Yeah. - Like, you're out, like, that's crazy. No, the punishment should have been, she should have made up the Lego rumor. There's Lego still in her ass. from when she was in fifth grade, and everyone knows it, because then at least the punishment is like, you deserve, you know? Like. - Yeah. - No, this is just real. - I've witnessed something kind of similar,

not this, but-. - When I dated my cousin. - But I swear, yeah. But people who are I think the most judgmental. and disrespectful towards others, it often turns out. that they got some shit going on in their life. - Absolutely. - Yeah, she's so insecure. about it. - Yeah, like I know of someone. who's very judgemental towards people, and like their love lives and whatever, and they've been on like Maury Povich like multiple times. - Oh, really? - Wow.

- But not like, as an actor, like as that's where they're gonna. solve their problem. - Like that's where. they're solving their thing. It's just like, "Hey, like, you know, maybe like don't be disrespectful then, like if you've got some shit that you're doing.". But, it just sucks. Like, and also that she trusted this person. I thought that was very poignant what they were saying too, of like, you know, slip ups happen, but you can absolutely tell when someone's. - Oh my goodness. - Yeah. - Doing it. - And on purpose. On purpose, not good. - Never in my life.

I mean, and obviously all of us are incredibly respectful. and try our best, but never in my life. have I ever made a mistake misnaming, misgendering, doing anything like that. And the other person's been mean about it, you know? Like, it is such a normal interaction. for someone that it's like, you wanting to educate yourself. and treat someone with respect. It's like, "Oh, I want to treat you with more respect,". and they're gonna be like, "Oh, thank you for wanting to do that.". - Exactly, exactly. - It's totally fine. - Exactly. - This person's an asshole. - Yeah. - Oh, total asshole. - Nail on the head. - Some comments here. "So, roll tide?".

- So, roll tide. Yo, that's incredible. - Someone said, "She should've minded her own damn glass house then. I say good for you. Don't waste your time thinking about her. She certainly is not spending any time thinking about. how she went out of her way to hurt you. You're a good person. Sometimes good people are pushed too far. I know you're a good person because you're wasting your time. thinking about the time you spread a rumor. about someone who actually was doing that very thing.". That's true. Like, I don't think she needs to be worrying about it now. - No, let it go. - Let go and let God.

- I don't think he needs to worry about it now, but the fact that they're thinking about it still is, yeah, you're a good person. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But, and it was true. They didn't spread a rumor. - They spoke the truth. - They, you know. - Honestly, should put it on a resume, should like change the way they think about it. It's almost like they won the lottery. Like, are they a psychic? You know, like there's levels. Are they just really good at predicting, cold reading people? - And they also got away with it completely. Nobody knows that they... - And they never did it again,

they are a good person. They've never tapped into this power. - "Now, she definitely had something coming to her, but I'm going to point out that you got lucky. I feel like you would be in a lot more trouble. and feel worse if you started a vicious rumor. that wasn't true. It's pretty funny that you nailed it though.". That's true. - Yeah. - That's true. Yeah. But if it wasn't true, then they would've denied it, and I think it wouldn't have had the same impact. But the fact that it got to her, and she was just like, "So what?". - Yeah, dude, that's so weird.

That's so, honestly like, someone should call the parents. Someone should write a letter and put it in the mailbox. - Rumors are so devastating, and I stopped going to school in middle school, but even amongst like young actors, there was just tons of rumors that were always spread. And it's like, it's a bummer. It's definitely like, probably one of the main weapons that teenagers. used against each other. - Yeah, it sucks 'cause it's like the power. of the bystanders involved,

and like you all learn it when you're kids about like, don't be a bystander. But at least for me, not until my brain was. much more developed, like outta high school, where I really was like, oh, like the fact that rumors have power. is that everyone else is giving it power, because between the two people, they know what's real and what's not, you know? And it's everyone else. that's willing to feed into it. - It's one of those things too. that you don't learn a lot about. As a kid even, you're like, "Hey, if you see something wrong, stand up for that.". But a rumor's kind of this thing. that you don't see it happening, it's just kind of is a thing exists,

and so you don't know what to do about it. - Yeah, and you're also like, unfortunately, especially in middle school, I think it's really bad, 'cause kids are practicing. and repeating behaviors they see adults do. in places that aren't necessarily fully looked at, there's not enough adults, so like they're, you know, not all parents are the best, you know? So maybe you're copying them how they talk shit, or you see them, or this or that, and then all of a sudden you've got a whole bunch. of shitty kids doing it to each other, and then there's one specific kid. that's getting just destroyed, you know? - Yeah. - And that's why it's just so sad. - Yeah, I think moral of the story is.

stay out of people's business. Stay outta people's business. - And don't. date your cousin. (Keith laughing). (upbeat music) - I feel like. that's solid advice. - Don't date your cousin. - I feel confident in saying that. - Yeah, that's a good one. Can we say a Smosh like, "Don't date your cousin.". - "Smosh, don't date your cousin.". - We can do that. - Well, this has been great. You guys have been so chill and awesome. - Oh, thank you Shane. - [Shane] Yeah. No, I don't think we have to cut. too much from this episode, which usually I feel like when you guys are together, some really out-of-pocket shit gets said,

and so. - Yeah, yeah. Luckily we had Kiana here actively directing. - Just monitoring you. - The whole time. Dude, the stories were pretty crazy though. - These are good ones. These were some really good ones. - We're not that bad. (Keith and Noah laughing). - [Shane] No, no. Well, thank you guys for being here. - Of course. - Yeah. - Next Saturday, if you liked these. Today I (beep) Up stories, next week it's gonna be almost entirely. Today I (beep) Up stories, it's gonna get real (beep) up. We'll see you then. Bye.

- Bye. - Peace out.