Shayne's Favorite Reddit Stories | Reading Reddit Stories

- Hello and welcome to "Reddit Stories". Today is my birthday. (everyone laughs). As of this episode airing, it is my birthday. And all the stories that we're going to read are stories. that I have submitted to our producers. over the past few months. Every now and then as I'm scrolling through Reddit, I will find a crazy story, I'll send it their way, and be like, "Hey, we should read this sometime.". So they've accumulated those, and we're gonna read a few of 'em here today. I don't know which ones.

- Okay. - You know, some of 'em I send to them, and I'm like, "Hey, I don't know if we should read this or not. "It's crazy.". So if one is really crazy, don't be mad at me. Okay, you can be mad at me. But joining me today on my birthday, Tommy and Spencer. - Hello. Fellow Virgo, hello. - That's right. - That's right. - We're just like Beyonce. (laughs). Beyonce, Zendaya, Keke Palmer. - That's crazy. - Abby Lee Miller, Sophie.

- Abby Lee Miller? - [Spencer] That's crazy. - Yep. - Wow. Pretty cool. - I only know one Cancer. His name is Tom Cruise. We share a birthday. - Pretty cool. - [Tommy] That's awesome. - I was gonna say leukemia, but, you know... (crew laughs). - Oof. (everyone laughs). - Hey, let's get to these stories. (everyone laughs). - Hey, let's tell these stories. All right, so we're gonna have a variety of stuff today. There's not really a theme outside of-. - [Spencer] Me. - My picks.

All right, let's hop into these. - Great. - Here we go. - What if you could jump into Reddit stories. like Mario paintings? - That'd be so awesome. - That'd be sick. - Like, let's jump into these. - Oh, am I the asshole? - Yeah. ♪ Womp womp womp womp womp womp ♪. - It's like... - Like, "I can't find the red coins here.". All right, first story. "Am I the asshole for offering sex and then rejecting it. "because my boyfriend wanted to finish his game first?". This is a Chosen dilemma right here.

"So me and my boyfriend have been together since we were 20. "for seven years now. "The sex has become less frequent, "and that mostly has to do with my own sex drive. "becoming less and less. "Lately, we've been talking about this a lot. "because it's really starting to frustrate him. "The sex was down to about once a month at some point. "We talked about it, "and he explained that he only wants to have sex with me. "if I also want it 100%. "This just doesn't happen-". - Good. - Good guy. (Spencer laughs). - "This just doesn't happen very often for me. "So we made an agreement that if I was not at 100%.

"but I wasn't not in the mood, "I would try to make more of an effort. "Yesterday I was driving home from work, "and I had the mindset to surprise him. "So after dinner, "I left the living room and got all dressed up. "He rather likes lingerie, "so I put on some stockings, high heels, miniskirt, "and corset. "I also put on some nice makeup. "and was excited that I was about to make him very happy. "When I walked into the living room, "he looked very happy and excited when he saw me, "but explained that he just started a raid. "with his clan members on 'Runescape'.".

- His what members? (everyone laughs). - Shut the (beep) up. - "When I walked into the living room, "he looked very happy and excited when he saw me, "but explained that he had just started a raid. "with his clan members on 'Runescape'. "I don't know the exact name of the raid, "but he always calls this one the difficult spider lady. "for me, so I understand which one it is.". - Where's Trevor, bro? - Can someone text Trevor? Can someone text Trevor and be like, "Who is the difficult spider lady in 'Runescape'?".

- I can. - I feel like a simple Google search. might even get the answer. - Yeah, but it'd be funnier. - But it's funnier from Trevor. - It's funnier for Trevor. - "For me, so I understand which one it is. "He said that he didn't want to ruin the raid. "for his raid members. "and told me it would take him about 10 to 15 minutes.". - That's not that long. - "I walked into the bedroom alone and a little sad. "because I felt like he chose his game over me, "especially when I put in this much effort. "to create a nice evening for him and cater to his needs. "Long story short, "I got cold and upset and crawled into bed.

"When he wanted to join me 20 minutes later, "I really wasn't in the mood anymore. "and said that he lost his shot this night. "I feel like I ruined his night. "when I was trying to make it better. "Am I the asshole?". So there was no official verdict on this one. just so you know. I have my thought 'cause I've obviously read this before. My ultimate take on this is I'm like, I think this is very much like a probably, this is like a very relationship dilemma. - Yeah, this is a complicated relationship.

that we don't have-. - If I was a friend of theirs, I wouldn't be like, let's not make this about who's the asshole and who's not. - Right. - Like, let's make this about... - [Tommy] Right. - I think it's funny. I do think it's a little funny. - It is. - It is kind of funny. - It is unfortunately-. - It is a funny situation. This feels like a sitcom situation. Like, something on "New Girl" or something. - So can I be vulnerable? - Yes. - You can be vulnerable. - I feel like I almost like sometimes am scared, like when I'm dating someone, it's like, "What if they want to surprise me with sex?".

- Really? - And like, it's like, what do you do when like, you know, 'cause that is such a kind of a trope. where it's like, oh, like, you know, like the, you know, it's typically, you know, I'm treading on dangerous ground, but like in movies and stuff, like the woman will be like, "Oh, I'm gonna get dressed up and like surprise my partner.". It's like, what if you're not in the mood? - Yeah. - And to me it's like, you know, I would feel really bad. I would feel really bad for them. And it seems like what she went through. is exactly what I'd be afraid of them going through, which is like, you know, you'd feel a little rejected.

You'd feel a little-. - Totally. - You put yourself out there. - Absolutely. I think her feelings are completely, I think her feelings are valid. - Feelings are valid. - I think her feelings are valid. I think this is something they need to just talk about. - Yes. - I don't think it's a matter of like, "Oh, I was in the wrong, you were in the wrong.". I think it's like, "Hey, what happened there? "What's going on?". - I feel like 15 minutes isn't a long time. - No, but I also get that the anticipation-. - Oh, for sure. - Like, she's fully there, and she's very vulnerable. She comes out, she walks out, and is like,

"Here is all of me.". And he's excited. She's admitting like he was excited. But he's like, "Can-". - He's like, "One sec, one sec, one sec.". - And she's like, "Oh (beep)-". - No, it would kill-. - It definitely is a little devastating. - It would shoot the momentum down for sure. - But the tough thing too is he had no idea. this was about to happen. - Right. So it's like no one's at fault. It just didn't play out the way it was supposed to. - Exactly. And obviously what I... There's a lot of research and books on this type of thing. But, you know, some people have a reactive sexuality,

some people don't. It sounds like, I feel like almost, they don't sound like they're in a bad spot, but I feel like they both could. either read up on stuff with sexuality. or see a sex therapist to like get ahead of this. being a worse situation. to learn about their communication styles and stuff. - I've never heard that term. Reactive. - Yeah, me either. - Yeah, reactive sexuality is when people don't, like she's talking about like, "I don't have a sex drive.". It's like you do. It's that you may not feel sexual until it's like...

- [Spencer] Yeah. - Until it's kinda like you need to react to it. There's a more in depth situation to it than just like, "Oh, I need something sexual to happen to feel it.". And what it also is, is that some people. are very environmental with their sexuality, so they need to be in the right situation. - I get on the Reddit stage and oof. - I know. - Start humping stuff. - I know. It's a lot. You're actually velcroed to the couch right now. - I keep trying to (grunts). - I've got a sprayer in the back here. Keep you in order. Trevor. Got an update from Trevor.

Trevor said, "Yeah-". - Update. - Update from Trevor. - He's like, "Oh, the one that takes two minutes to beat?". - "The difficult spider lady. "Yeah, that would be Verzik Vitur, "the final boss of the Theater of Blood. "Why do you ask?". (everyone laughs). We just texted Trevor. He got us back. - We're all cartoon people here, apparently. - Yeah. We'd be like, "Tommy, what's that Charli XCX blah, blah, blah?". - It's called "Rollercoaster Car". - Your eyes roll back.

"Rollercoaster Car"! (laughs). Is that a real song? - No, but it should be. It basically is. It basically is. - I'll be a little vulnerable. The reason I talk about this, 'cause I just finished listening to a book, a nonfiction book on sexuality. 'cause I like psychology books. And it's this book called "Come As You Are". And it's about... That's the title of the book. I was like, all right. - Guys, you can't laugh. - But... (everyone laughs). You're not allowed to laugh! You're legally not allowed to laugh!

But in it, this expert talks about. how everyone has accelerators and brakes. And that's like, some people have more sensitive brakes, some people have more sensitive accelerators. But she says what's damaging. is over time people start to go like, "Oh, I just have no sex drive.". It's like, no, your brakes are probably on. Like, the situation's not right, and you're not clocking what's preventing you. from feeling it or-. - Interesting. - It's really fascinating. But I think what also could potentially be a problem. is he's saying, "I don't wanna have sex unless you want it 100%.". That puts a ton of pressure on her.

- It does put a lot of pressure on her. - That's probably gonna make her sex like desire to go back. She's like, "Oh shoot, I need to-". - She's overthinking everything. - Like, it's kinda what you're talking about. It's like there's a lot of pressure here, and that's making it more difficult. - There's a lot of pressure on the Reddit stage. That's why you get all worked up. - I get scared. - All these cameras. Whoo. - Last thing I'll say about it, 'cause there's a funny story in this book where this, she's a therapist and she's talking to this couple, and they're like, "Yeah, I have no desire or whatever.". And there's kinda a lot of pressure on it. And she goes, "Okay, you guys, I'm making a mandate.

"You guys cannot have sex for the next three months.". And then she's like, "You're not allowed.". And then they ended up having sex. because the pressure was so off. that they then suddenly- - Whoa. - Whoa. - And I'm like, that's fascinating. So that's what I mean-. - But there's only one bed. (everyone laughs). - But I think this couple would benefit. from reading up on this stuff 'cause I think they-. - Shayne's like, "Y'all should try reading.". - Have you read a book?

- No, but that's like, that's really... See, I can talk about that kind of stuff all day. Dude, "Reddit Stories: Sex". - There is r/sex and it's a-. - Well, yeah. - But I mean, "Reddit Stories: Sex Edition". - Sex. I've pitched this before. - You're sitting in the room like, "Guys, what if we did sex?". - Guys, what if we did... And it's that Antonio Banderas... (everyone laughs). - No, the fact that there is just r/sex is really funny. - Yeah, and it's every day,

there's another story about a threesome going wrong. - Yeah. - It's insane. All right, some comments on this. "You should have told him you had a surprise for him. "and not do anything. "instead of letting him get started on something. "It also does kind of suck. "that waiting 20 minutes is such a deal breaker. "He was clearly excited, "but he'd made a commitment to other people. "he needed to wrap up first.". 3,900 up votes. - 3,900 people were like... - Yeah. I definitely see it. Like, it's fair that if you surprise someone, it may not be the ideal situation. - Right.

- But I also understand her feeling. Someone said, "Here's the thing non-gamers don't get about online groups.". (Spencer laughs). - Here's the thing. - So we have a follow up from Trevor. (everyone laughs). - Listen, here's what's going on. - Here's what non-gamers don't understand. - "He didn't choose the game over you. "He was simply already committed to a group of people, "and canceling probably meant ruining their session. "It doesn't matter. "that 1,000 gamers are yelling 'you're the asshole'. "but have no clue on how desire works. "She felt the urge, and the response killed that.

"to a point she didn't want to have sex anymore. "It's not rational, "it's fully hormonal and instincts talking. "They need to work out a better way to get that desire. "Maybe even going outside their bonds, doing some menage, "buying some crazy toys, watching porn, et cetera. "Anyone saying you've been denying him for month after month. "does not have a chance at a healthy relationship. "because they're blaming the effect/the result. "and not the cause/the actual problem.". - Wait, what is a menage?

- Menage a trois? - It's a three-way. - Oh really? - I didn't know that. - I thought a menage a trois was a three-way. I thought like it was like a-. - They're just abbreviating. - Oh. Can you abbreviate it? 'Cause I would think-. - I don't know the rules of three-way lingo. - I thought menage would be like a separate word. - Nikki? - [Emily] "Menage" translates to "household". So like "menage a trois" is like a house of three. - Oh. So menage is a house. - So Nikki Minaj's name is Nikki House.

- [Shayne] The boots. (everyone laughs). - Nikki House, the boots. - I think before they try a bunch of crazy shit, they should just talk. - It's like, "Bro, have you tried (beep) someone else?". - Yeah. (everyone laughs). - But yeah, I'm sure there were a ton of comments. of people ragging on her being like, "You're denying him sex.". It's like, no. Like, he has the right idea of like, "I don't wanna do this if you don't want to.". But I think they should be talking. and like learning about themselves.

and self-reflecting on what they're into. When they're into something, it's like, why? You know? - Right. - Anyways, moving on. - I should comment, "Look inward.". (Tommy laughs). - Look inward. - Hey, take a peep inside. - Okay, this next story. comes from the Two Hot Takes subreddit. Shout out to Two Hot Takes. They rock. This one I found and I clocked it because, you know, it's relatable to a sense. You'll understand.

- Did you point at me when you said that? - No, I pointed at Spencer. - Okay. - You'll understand. - You'll understand. It's about you. - You'll understand. And I'll understand. - My penis is too big. (everyone laughs). - I have a huge penis! Okay. - God, it really is boys' day today, isn't it? - Here we go. Here we go. "My boyfriend has started becoming more and more insecure. "about my height, and it's starting to drive me crazy.". (crew laughs). - Ha ha!

- "Throwaway, and for context, I'm a 22-year-old woman. "and he's a 23-year-old man. "We're both about 5'8". "I'm slightly shorter, so maybe he's 5'8" and a half. "I'm tall for a girl. "I was a shooting guard on the basketball team. "during my first three years of college.". - Point guard. - "He knew this going into the relationship.". - You knew how tall I was! - You knew it! - When we kissed standing up! - Next to our rulers. - Next to our rulers. (laughs).

Put your ass against the... (everyone laughs). And we're gonna kiss. - "We've been together for seven months. "The first six months were smooth sailing. "However, last month we went to-". - I started dunking on him. (everyone laughs). - I got the H, O, R, and the S. (everyone laughs). - "However, last month, we went to a more posh/bougie party, "and I wore heels. "Of course, I end up being taller than him by a decent bit. "So instead of telling me how pretty he thought I looked, "the first thing he pointed out was, "'Wow, you look way too tall in those.'".

- Like, okay, Bigfoot. (everyone laughs). - "Even asked if I had a shorter pair of heels. "And then finally gave it up. "I found that really weird and out of character about him. "But that was only the start. "Ever since that day, "he has bugged me at least four times a week. "to assure that I feel protected around him. "Literally yesterday he asked if I'd love him more. "if he was above six foot. "Whenever we take side-by-side pics, "he gets on his tippy toes. "to make it seem like he's much taller than me.". - I do that with Tommy. (everyone laughs).

- I crack my knees out when I stand next to you. so I'm on the ground. - "He also randomly tries to lift me up, "which he can with ease since he's strong, "and it catches me off guard every time.". - Bro, that gave me the ick. - I know. "He tries straightening his back. "to the point where he looks weird. "He's bought into some weird narrative. "that I see him as less of a man. "because he's not four inches taller. "I've told him multiple times. "that I don't care about his height, "otherwise I wouldn't have gotten with him. "No matter how many I love yous I'll throw at him, "and I mean all of them,

"he just can't stop talking about this issue. "Guys, what do I do? "He's been acting so immature about this.". ♪ Cut your feet off ♪. - Yeah, I think she has to cut her feet off. She's gonna have to make some sacrifices. - Yeah. - I selected this. 'cause I've never understood this insecurity. The only times I've ever felt insecure about, and it's not like an insecurity, it's just like a, "Oh, damn,". is like when I was on dating apps and stuff.

and there there are a lot of people who are like, "Oh, I won't date someone under like a certain height.". But once I was, in my entire life, whenever I've been dating someone, I then don't really care. Like, I don't care if they're taller than me. - No, I think the only times I felt like a little insecure. about it are dating apps when it feels like a statistic. - Yeah. - 'Cause it's listed like a sports statistic. And then at airports when you gotta take your shoes off. For some reason everyone just feels like a foot taller.

than me at the airport. I don't know what it is. - [Shayne] Interesting. - Like, at the the... - Yeah, like when you're going through security, I'm like... (everyone laughs). - They put you in the tube. and tell you to put your hands up. - Yeah. - Why is everyone a Na'vi? (everyone laughs). - I feel like Jake Sully. - But I could never fathom like telling someone. to not wear heels 'cause they... - No. And to me, like at this age, well, I mean... Unfortunately. Sorry, I've been saying "unfortunately" a lot.

Smosh has just kind of made everything a little funny to me. So like now if like, you know, if my partner's like way taller than me, it's like (chuckles). (everyone laughs). It's like, "Joke's on you.". (everyone laughs). - I just don't think about it. But some short guys I guess really get hung up on it. Like, really don't like it. - But if a genie came up to you... Tommy, you're excluded from this conversation. How tall are you? - Basically 6'1" when my hair. is doing its thing. - Fuck off.

If someone was like, "Hey, here's six inches for free-". - For free? - Let me rephrase that better. I will make you grow-. - Six inches for free. - I'll be like... - What? (everyone laughs). - Okay, you're back in the game. (everyone laughs). - Yes? - Tommy salutes. (everyone laughs). No, someone's like, "Dude, I can make you half a foot taller. "for let's say $1,000.". - Oh. - I mean, okay. - I think anyone would do that. - Okay, but yeah, but that's like, there's a lot of,

it's like-. - I'm just asking, bro. I'm asking the questions. - I'll make your six pack a little more visible for $1,000. - That's not the question. - I'll make your butt fatter for $1,000. I'm like, I'll do all these, man. - Taking out loans. - Like, I would do, there's a lot of, yeah. But it's not like I'm like desperate for that. If I get three wishes from a genie, that's not probably gonna be one of my wishes. - But what if they were like, "Hey, give me $1,000 or I'll make you three inches shorter"? - Okay, yeah. I guess. - Okay, let me pitch this.

- This is weird. - Welcome to my "Reddit Stories". (everyone laughs). - Let me pitch this. Okay, you guys are obviously secure, well-rounded, healthy in the brain guys, mostly. Have you guys seen the surgeries that they do-. - Yes. - Yeah. - Where they like break the shins or whatever. and they stretch the legs out? It takes a year to like get it and recover. How much money would you have to get paid. to do that surgery? - I would never. I don't think I would ever do it.

I don't think I would ever do it because I think that would, you're gonna be (beep) up. Like, that's gonna be (beep) up. And I'm like, honestly like post 50, 60, like I'm not gonna care about my height at that point, but I will be feeling that shit. - That's so true. - I'm way more worried about that. I care so much more about my health, and like, you know... - Longevity. - No. Bullshit. I don't need it. - Yeah. If someone were to pay me to do it. - That's what I'm saying. - Yeah, I mean not much.

I mean, I would also have to see a mockup. Like, what are my proportions gonna be? - You're gonna look very silly. - Same. Shins, huge. - Yeah, no, you're gonna look a little silly. - [Tommy] Look crazy. - But maybe I've got short shins. I don't know where I carry my height. - That's true. - I would need to look at a naked picture of myself. and then be like, they'll be like, "This will be longer.". - The first time you've ever looked. at yourself naked. - According to an article, leg lengthening surgery can cost around $75,000. and is roughly a four hour operation. And also probably a shit ton of recovery.

- But they crank it. - Yeah. - They go in and they crank it. You have you not heard about this? - I would never do this. - You have braces on your legs for like months. And as soon as it heals, they go crank, crank, and it stretches your bones out. And then it heals again, and they do it over and over again until you're taller. The things men do. - You kinda have to like relearn how to walk. - Yeah. No, not doing that. Anyways, comments. - We're freaking our crew out.

This is great. - 'Cause this is the thing. This is the thing. You get that surgery 'cause it's like, "Oh, I wanna be more attractive.". But it's like, then you have to tell people. that you got that surgery. And I'm like... 5'7" but you never got that surgery, or six foot but you got that surgery. What do you think people would rather pick? - I think the kind of people that might be going for someone. because of height might care a little less maybe. - Yeah, but I just also think these guys. are going for the wrong people.

- [Tommy] Yeah, exactly. - What I liked is I did see one of those posts. where a guy had done that, and the comment on it was just like, "You're 5'7" forever, dude.". Like, "Sorry, dude, you're still 5'7".". - And there's nothing wrong with that. - [Shayne] You're 5'7". - We should do like a Pit vlog. where we have stilts on all day, and it's like, what is it like? - Okay. - Did anyone write that down? - Anyone write that down? I didn't hear any pens scribbling. (everyone laughs). - Some comments on this post. "'He knew this going into the relationship.'. "Well at least you didn't just suddenly reveal yourself.

"to be 5'8", that would've. "been dishonest." - That'd be sick. She's just like... - Yeah. (laughs). - I will show you my true form. "My husband is 5'6" on a tall day. "I'm really petite, but I remember when we were young, "I've known him my whole life. "He had a long-term relationship with a gorgeous girl. "who was quite a bit taller than him, "I think maybe she's 5'9" or so. "Honestly, I think that made him more desirable. "to a lot of beautiful women, "and most of his relationships have been with stunning women. "who are his height or taller. "That just means he's secure, and he likes beautiful women.".

- This is about me. - "I'm lucky he picked me, "a shorty who is much more average with looks. "He could have chosen anyone.". Lastly, someone said, "This is the type of guy who has a great girlfriend, "gets insecure about his height, "he then lets his insecurities cause issues, "and the girl dumps him. "Then the guy complains. "about not being able to get a girlfriend. "because of his height. "The cycle continues.". Someone responded to that saying, "For me, it was that he thought I was too pretty for him, "and all pretty girls cheat and are mean. "So he cheated and was mean to me first. "because obviously I already was awful, right? "Is there a word for this? LOL.".

- Yeah. Incel. - Right. - I do think that the insecurity is so much worse. than any physical trait. So this guy's blowing it. He's fumbling the bag. - Yeah. - [Shayne] Sadly. - And he's short. - And he's also short. - Shut up. (everyone laughs). - Yeah. In the actual dating experience, it never really comes up. - Yeah, it's definitely like, in my entire life, there's been so many people who don't give a shit, so...

- It's not a thing in the gay world. - There's just too many people. - Shut up tall-ass. - There's just so many people. - I've dated people taller than me and shorter than me. And it's all fun. (everyone laughs). - Six inches free. - Where? (everyone laughs). - All right. - Three inches are free! (everyone laughs).

- And I want it now! - They're my six inches and I want it now! - Okay. Okay, our next story is another Am I The Asshole post. "Am I the asshole for firing my best man. "for proposing at my wedding?". - Oh! Guy, come on. - That's cringe, bro. (Shayne laughs). - Let's do this. This is a 30-year-old man. "My wedding was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. "My wife, who's 28, and I spent months planning every detail.

"and it turned out perfect, almost. "My best man, let's call him John, a 32-year-old man, "has been my closest friend since childhood. "Naturally I asked him to be my best man, "and he accepted with excitement. "The ceremony was beautiful, "and the reception was even better. "Everything was going smoothly until the speeches. "John got up to give his best man speech. "At first, it was full of the usual jokes. "and heartfelt stories, which everyone enjoyed. "But then out of nowhere he turned to his girlfriend, "who's 25, and started talking about their relationship.

"Before I knew it, he was down on one knee proposing to her. "right there in the middle of my reception. "The room went silent. "I could feel my wife's hand squeezing mine. "tighter and tighter.". - Oof. - "John's girlfriend said yes, "and everyone started clapping and cheering, "but I was fuming. "I felt like my special day had been hijacked. "Instead of celebrating our marriage, "everyone was now focused on John and his fiancee. "After the initial shock wore off, "I confronted John and told him he was out of line. "He said he thought it would be a great surprise.

"and assumed I would be happy for him. "I told him he was selfish and inconsiderate, "and I ended up kicking him out of the reception. "Now some of our mutual friends are saying I overreacted. "and that I should have let it slide. "for the sake of our friendship. "My wife fully supports my decision, "but I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh. "Am I the asshole for firing my best man. "and kicking him out of my wedding. "for proposing during my reception?". - I don't think so, man. - I don't know, but he shouldn't be proposing at someone else's wedding.

It's their day. It's their wedding. - I sent this one in 'cause I was just like, "The absolute audacity is crazy.". - That's crazy. - During your best man's speech. The whole purpose of your best man's speech is to literally-. - Celebrate the other couple. - Talk about this couple. And you made it about yourself, and you put it front and center. I don't know what this guy's worried about. If he feels this way. and his wife feels the same way, I'm like, "Then you guys are good." - Then you're set. - It was your wedding. You could kick someone out. because you don't like 'em all of a sudden. - Yeah.

- It's your wedding. You're allowed to do that. - They're disturbing the wedding. If someone was like, "Whoa, whoa!". - Get out. - In the middle of your wedding, I'd be like, "Get the (beep) outta my wedding.". I don't know what that was. (laughs). - I don't think I've ever understood-. - What's he doing? Is he okay? - I don't think I've ever understood the idea of proposing. at someone else's wedding 'cause I'm like, you really want that to be part of your story. with your partner? I guess if it's like maybe some really tight knit families. where they would like celebrate this kind of thing, I'm like, okay.

But this where it's like your friend's wedding, I'm like-. - Maybe they met at a wedding? - Yeah? - I don't know. - At the very least, run it by the bride and groom. - Totally. - If you're gonna be doing anything weird-. - Absolutely. Absolutely. - And proposing is weird. - Proposing is weird. - Yeah. I guess the idea is that you're at a party-. (Tommy sneezes). - I'm allergic to stupid. (everyone laughs). - I guess the idea is that you're already at a big event.

with like, everyone's there, all your friends, there's music, it's a positive atmosphere. So it's an idea of take advantage of that. and propose while you're in the right situation there. I just think it's really shitty 'cause everyone knows, like the whole idea of a wedding. is about the bride and groom. It's literally their day. So to even have, to plan that in advance and do it is really shitty. I don't know if I would clap if I was in that situation,

not out of being like, "Mm.". I think I would just be like... - Be like, "What?". - I would feel pissed on the behalf of the bride and groom. - Oh, totally. I'd be like, "Is this a prank?". - Right. - Yeah. It would make me feel icky. - Totally. Especially if I saw that the bride. and groom were there like... I'd be like, "Oh shit.". A bunch of comments. "If he thought you'd be happy, "why didn't he take two seconds beforehand. "to clear it with you? "Not the asshole. "Don't propose at other people's weddings.".

That's true. Oh, I thought you'd be happy. It's like, then tell me. - Right. - Someone else said, "Lots of things you maybe shouldn't do at any wedding. "I watched the groom get up to make his toast, and he did, "and then spent what seemed like forever. "tearing into his parents. "300 guests were all trying to figure out the same thing. "How do we make it stop? "It was probably only two minutes, but it felt like 20. "It was 25 years ago, and I've never forgotten it. "I'll bet 299 other people haven't either.". Lastly, someone said, "Yep, I absolutely get where people think it's a good idea.

"because if you share a friend group or a family, "then everybody you know will be there for your proposal. "It sounds like a decent idea. "except it just changes the vibe of the day, "as it then turns the rest of the day. "into congratulating the newly engaged. "instead of being all about the newly married couple.". - Yep. - "Yep, super selfish to do. "without an okay from both the people getting married.". - It's like the one time you should be allowed. to be so selfish. - Oh yeah. That is literally the whole purpose of it. - Absolutely.

- Insane. Insane shit. I think he did the right thing by kicking him out. - For sure. - It's like that's over. It does suck that's his like childhood best friend. And so that's probably the end of that. - I wonder how the woman being proposed to felt. - I mean, she said yes. - She's probably scared. - It's hard for me to relate to. 'cause it's a situation I don't think. I ever would've ended up in. - No. Sorry not to be this guy, but couldn't be me. - Couldn't be me. - I feel like if it happened to me, I would, in the best improv way that I can, be like...

"Yes, and we just recreated how you guys proposed. "to each other in the park. "Right. We love you guys. "Yay! "Get back to the speech, honey.". Beads of sweat. - I would pay to see that. - It would even be uncomfortable, even if he didn't propose, it's uncomfortable for him. to talk about his own relationship with his girlfriend. It's just like, what are you doing? Like, talk about the bride and groom. Don't talk about anything else really.

Awkward. Awkward as hell. Today's "Reddit Stories" is brought to you by Zocdoc. Look, there are some things in life. that are okay to be a total crapshoot, like trying a new takeout spot. or mixing up your morning coffee order. But finding the right doctor shouldn't be a crapshoot, and it doesn't have to be thanks to Zocdoc. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search. and compare high quality in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about in-network appointments.

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to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C .com/pitreddit. Zocdoc.com/pitreddit. Back to the show. Next story. - These are great picks by the way. - Thank you. Yeah, they're just like concise, like good ones. This next one's crazy. - Okay. - This comes from Best of Redditor Updates. "I, a 25-year-old woman, discovered my boyfriend, "a 28-year-old man, of three years is cheating.

"Tonight is the biggest night of his life. "Help me.". - Uh... - This is a good "Hitman" level. - Yeah. (laughs). Okay. - All right. - "I won't go into all the gory details of our relationship. "We were in love and well, I still love him, "but I found out clearly he does not. "I discovered proof that he has been cheating on me. "for a while in the form of small home movies of them. "I don't know the girl, "and from the looks of their conversations,

"yep, went ahead and post-discovery snooped, "she has no idea I exist. "Tonight is the biggest night of my boyfriend's life. "He's receiving a state award at a big dinner. "with a few hundred people attending, "from his mom and dad to councilmen and all of that. "In fact, the only reason-". - The mayor! (everyone laughs). - "In fact, the only reason I discovered this transgression. "is because I have been putting together a little video. "for him to enjoy some of the key moments of his life. "You know, typical sappy shit.

"I'm burdened with a lot of power right now, "and I don't know if I have it in me to do the right thing. "or if I even know the right thing. "I'm blinded with tears of rage and sadness and betrayal. "But at the same time, I love him, have loved him, "and do I really wanna do this? "The relationship is over, no doubt about it. "I am not a woman who will take her man cheating on her. "Certainly not. That's not the issue. "The issue is there are cutesy selfies of the two of them, "a lot of them, only shared between the two of them. "Nothing lewd. There's plenty of that on camera though.

"Do I sneak one in the snap reel. "as a way of letting him know that I know? "Or do I simply confront him. "after his moment in the sun passes? "I'm not going to pick up everything. "and leave without cutting contact. "That's not my style, "and it wouldn't make me feel good, just very sad. "Do I do the bitchy thing for once in my life? "To anyone looking at the snap reel, "it would just look like a picture of him and a friend. "But to him and to me it would be a private message, "an outing. "Help me, Reddit. "I don't know what to do this time.".

Help me, Reddit. - [Spencer] Help me, Obi-Wan. - Because the rest of the people there won't know, this makes it, 'cause initially I was like, "I don't know. "It feels a little too much.". - I think we were picturing her like splicing in. like fight club, like fucking clips of them. - She's not talking about anything lewd. She's talking about literally just a photo of him and her. just like... So people are gonna think like, "Oh, it's some-". - And the next picture is her crossing her arms like...

- Yeah. And then it's just text saying, "I know.". (Spencer laughs). How insane if she does it is that moment for him? - Crazy. - You're there in like this high stakes, you're probably nervous about like, "Oh my god, I'm in front of all these people.". - The mayor. - And then you see that. And then you look over, and she's there just like... - Yep. - She's not gonna be keeping her cool, dude. I'm sorry. - Yeah, it's gonna come up and-. - She's gonna be sobbing in the back. - He's gonna look over, she's gonna, "Oh!". (everyone laughs).

- Oh my god. I mean, my... - What would you do? - My unsolicited advice would be tell him before, ruin the night ahead of time. - That's a good point. - And not in a big way, like, you know, 'cause I don't think like, you know, that could be... I don't know. Like, I don't wanna say dangerous, but that feels like-. - My takes a lot of times are not necessarily. on what's the right or wrong thing, but like what's gonna make your life easier? - Right.

- And it's like sometimes doing an extreme thing. can cause an extreme reaction. - [Tommy] Yep. - Especially if you're a woman and you have a guy. Men, they do dangerous shit sometimes, so it's like... - You get what you put out there. - Her plan sounds pretty (beep) cool. - Right. - I am eager to see. - It would be satisfying in the moment. - Yes. - That's for sure. - Oh, it's a movie moment. - Right. But do you want your life to be a movie. or do you want your life to be a life? - Exactly. That's a good point. - Good. Write that down. - Okay. Comments. "Nah, you know what? "If there's really nothing that anyone would pick up on.

"other than the two of you, "you slip that photo into the slideshow. "Make eye contact with him when the photo appears on screen. "Then when it's over, you stand up and walk out. "It ain't the high road, "but nobody needs to walk the high road all the time.". OP responded, "I chuckled. "I think the only reason I would do this. "is to make eye contact with him so that he knows I know. "But I'm not sure I have the guts to do that. "I'm not exactly Olivia Pope.". Character from "Scandal" and "How To Get Away With Murder". I didn't realize those were in the same universe.

- Oh. - Are they in the, what's her face verse? Shonda-verse? Shonda Rhimes verse? - I don't know. - Shondaland. My bad. I was like-. - New theme park opening this summer. - Bro. Acting like everyone I know wouldn't drop everything-. - To go to Shondaland. I would be there in a heartbeat. - Yeah. - The "Grey's Anatomy" dark ride. (everyone laughs). - It never ends. - It never ends. (laughs). - Been on for days. Update. - Whoa!

- We're gonna find out what happens. (Spencer makes silly sound). (everyone laughs). I want a soundboard for this. Can we do an episode with the soundboard? - That would be awesome. - Okay? - 'Cause the livestream with Chanse and Angela and Arasha. where they were playing the game about cheating, and Chanse just kept hitting the TikTok boom sound effect. - I'm down. The people who listen to this. while going to bed are gonna hate it. (everyone laughs). Boy yoy yoy yoing. Okay. "Well, it's been a month and a half. "since this all went down.". ♪ It's been ♪.

- "I have gotten so many requests for an update, "and I never intended to actually give one, "honestly, because I was afraid of the fallout. "depending on what I ended up doing. "So what did I do? "I did the immature vengeful thing, "and I don't regret it." - I killed him. - "I took a few photos of the two of them, "tasteful photos that gave off no indication. "other than she might be a childhood friend. "I slipped them into the snap reel, "and I spoke kindly of him at the podium. "And then after my turn was finished, I walked out. "I drove home feeling calm and in control. "20 minutes later the texts started.

"Where did I go? "What did I know? "Where did I find the photos? "Was there more in store for him? "I texted him, 'I know you've been (beep) her, "'but there are no more photos.'. "There weren't any, and of course I left it at that. "He didn't come home that night or the next. "The next day he called me back to ask if we could meet. "and talk in a public location. "I agreed to meet him at Starbucks. "I arrived early, waited for him. "He showed up a few minutes late. "and took the seat across from me. "He started right off with the excuses, "how it just happened and he regrets it fully,

"she doesn't mean anything to him, "and that she looked like a girl he had a crush on. "in high school and he was powerless. "against his teenage self.". - Right. - "I didn't interrupt him-". - She's like, "Oh, oh, okay.". - She's like, "Oh. "Let's get a frap. "Let's get a frap and go home.". - Yeah. - "I didn't interrupt him, just let him have his time. "When he was done. "and looking at me for a sign of what might happen next, "all I could say was, "'So where did you stay the past few nights?'. "Her house. "And what did you do? "He wouldn't answer. "There hadn't been any doubt in my mind. "Really, I knew I was-".

- But there was only one bed. (everyone laughs). - "I knew I was leaving him. "He talked over himself apologizing, "begging for forgiveness, saying he'd change. "I told him that I didn't want him. "to have to change himself, "that if who he was naturally was someone. "who cheated on his girlfriend, "then that's not someone I wanted to be with. "He said that he was thinking of proposing to me, "and all I could say after that was, "'Good thing I found out before.'. "Fast forward to a few weeks later, "he's moved out, and I am doing well. "We have cut off contact. "People ask me about him all the time, "and I just let them know he left me for a girl.

"who looked like his high school crush. "So that's the end. "We are broken up. "We are never, ever, ever getting back together. "I don't feel any... "I don't feel any regret of how I handled it. "Like one commenter said, "there's no need to take the high road all the time.". (Spencer imitates hooves clacking). - And she rides off in a little... (crew laughs). - Well, I guess it didn't make a difference, huh? - No, it all seemed to work out. - She should have shot 'em with like a crossbow. - Yeah. - At Starbucks. (crew laughs).

- A vanilla bean crossbow. - Yeah. - It's crazy, man. When people cheat, almost the worst part to me when people cheat. is when they then think they, like they try to spin it in a way where it's like, "Well, we're gonna be okay, right?". It's just like, now you're insulting their intelligence. Like, if you cheat and then you don't admit it, but then you get caught, you might as well just be like, "All right, well I guess we're done.". - Like, this isn't like-. - You got me. - You got me. - Hey. (everyone laughs).

Shit. Cut this out. Shayne's been doing like little Trump impressions all day, and I've like caught it. I've caught it in my system. - She looked like my high school crash. (everyone laughs). - (beep). - Okay. This also, this is like an affair. This is like a multiyear-. - [Shayne] Yes. - Like, this is... - Yes. It's horrendous. And like the confidence he had. to have all this photo, footage and stuff. - [Tommy] Right. - You know, it's wrong no matter what, but it hurts more when it's like,

"Damn, and you didn't even feel you needed to hide it.". Like, there's such an insult to your intelligence. in it that that sucks. - Well, good for her, I guess. - Oh, good for her. Comments. "What a cowardly piece of shit. "Good on you, girl, for leaving his cheating ass, "and now he's her problem.". Lastly, someone said, "Ah, this was so satisfying to read. "that you put the photos in and then left. "You go, girl. "I am sorry that he was such an awful guy. "Can't believe he tried to pull this. "after saying he had stayed at her house for two nights. "'He said that he was thinking of proposing to me.

"'and all I could all say after was, "'Good thing I found out before.'. "Perfect reply from you. "What a scumbag he is. "Also good job on being honest with those. "who have to ask about where he is. "I hope all goes well in the future for you, OP.". - Also, I love you. - Also, I'm in love with you. Yeah. Crazy shit. - Wow. - This next story is crazier. - Uh-oh. (Spencer laughs). - In a different way. - [Tommy] Oh. - I found this story and I was like...

- Is this the one Emily warned me about? - [Emily] Yes. - I'm excited. - Here's our next story, and this one's a doozy. I'm gonna read the title, and then you'll understand the trigger warning. that will follow it. The title of this... This story comes from r/teenagers plus r/copypasta. The title of this, "My hamster exploded.". - There it is. - Trigger warning. If you don't want to hear about an animal getting hurt.

in any sort of capacity. - Or potentially exploding. - Or exploding, skip this one to the next story. - So I took the hamster and I went... (everyone laughs). - This story was written by Shrek. - Right. - That's a great reference. - I forgot about this one. I sent this forever ago. - Shayne's in bed reading it. It's like, "My hamster exploded.". - Boy yoy yoy yoing. - Okay. "I've been crying in my room for two hours now. "I was making some salad dressing in the kitchen. "with my pet hamster, Manny.

"I let him roam around. "My sister and her friends. "were also in there doing something. "I spilled a bottle of vinegar, so I left to get a towel, "and when I came back, Manny was drinking it. "I didn't think anything of it, "so I let him help me clean it up. "All of a sudden, Manny starts acting really weird. "He's normally very full of energy, "but he was just sitting still. "Everyone gathered...". (everyone laughs). "Everyone gathered around him. "to try to figure out what was wrong.". (Tommy laughs). - There's a circle of people going, "Oh no.".

- Manny? - "Suddenly we hear a fizzling noise. "coming from inside Manny, and he starts expanding. "He let out a final squeak and bursted. "Bubbles and blood went everywhere. "My sister and her friends started screaming and crying. "I ran and got my dad, and he cleaned it up. "We looked in the pantry, "and apparently Manny got into the baking soda. "and ate a bunch of it.". - He became a volcano. - He volcano'd himself. - "I think I'm traumatized now.". - You think? - Okay, the only thing I can give people. is I'm fairly certain this is fake.

- However... - But it's insane. - Is that the rest? Is that the end of the story? - That's the story because it's just that I'm like, okay, he got into some baking soda. and then drank some vinegar. - It's that scene from "Big Trouble in Little China". where the guy explodes. - Yeah. He's like (imitates explosion). I think it's a fake story, but it's insane. - That's wacky, - But yeah. - Hamsters are known to die in crazy ways. - No, all rodents, I have heard there's no good way for them to go.

It's like literally a lot of the time it's just like, oh, their heart exploded. - Yeah. - Right, or they're like, 'cause like some rodents, you know how their teeth like grow out this way? Sometimes the teeth just decide to grow the opposite way. and just smush their brain. Rodents are (beep). - Yeah. - Yeah, it's a tough life out there. - It's hard. - It's a tough life. - It's rough out there for a little rat. - Yeah. Yeah. So a couple comments on this. "Why can't hamsters ever have a normal (beep) death? "Why is it always some out-of-pocket shit, dude?".

- Yep. - Someone else said, "I'm torn between, 'damn, that sucks, "and I'm sorry that happened,' to 'great story, dude.'. "You keep baking soda on the floor? "And a hamster isn't going to expand. "His stomach will burst. "and you won't know what's wrong without an autopsy. "He's not a freaking balloon.". Lastly, someone said, "This is simultaneously the funniest. "and most heartbreaking thing I've seen all year.". Yeah, the events don't play out like-. - It's definitely a "Loony Tunes" situation. - I think it's a fake story, but it's a funny fake story. - Coming in and be like, "Dad, my hamster exploded.".

- My hamster exploded everywhere in the room. No, the idea of the hamster being like... - Yeah. - And exploding. - No, he's right. The hamster would die, and then you'd be like, "What happened?". - So what happened? - All right, you wanna explain? What's going on here? - Wow. - Yeah, so there's that one. Moving on. (crew laughs). - What if the hamster faked its own death? - Whoa. Okay. - Okay, this next story is also crazy.

This comes from the Marriage subreddit. and Am I The Asshole. "Pregnant wife's sister offered to sleep with me.". - Nice. - So OP's wife is pregnant, and her sister offered to sleep with him. - What happens next will surprise you. - Yeah. "My wife, who's 24...". (everyone laughs). - Shut up! - My pregnant wife exploded. (everyone laughs).

- Okay. "My wife, who's 24, and I, 24 man, "have been together for three years. "and married for about six months now. "We found out that we are going to be parents, "and we are both very excited. "We told our families over the weekend, "and everyone was happy for us. "This morning I got a text from my wife's sister, who's 21, "saying that she knows that women can get emotionally. "and physically abusive. "and can put a stop to intimacy during pregnancy. "and that she's willing to help me out anytime sexually.

"or emotionally during and after the pregnancy. "Obviously, I have no interest in anyone other than my wife, "but how do I tell her what her sister offered? "My wife has always been there for her sister, "and they have always been super close. "Her sister was the maid of honor at our wedding. "I don't want my wife to lose that bond, "and it would destroy her if she found out. "that her sister was willing to betray her like that. "At the same time, her sister is a snake. "and is willing to ruin our marriage. "and the life of her soon-to-be nephew/niece. "for what I'm guessing is a childish crush on me.

"My first priority is my wife and unborn child, "and anyone else can go to hell. "How do I approach this situation? "There's literally no good outcome. "I can tell my wife tonight. "She'll be absolutely devastated. "I will always be there for her, "and I know her parents will be on her side, "but losing a 20 year bond with her own sibling. "while in such a vulnerable state sounds terrible. "How can I possibly tell my wife that the sister she loved. "and looked after for so many years wanted to sleep. "with her husband while she was pregnant? "If I don't tell her soon and tell her later,

"she may lose her trust in me. "If I don't tell her at all, my wife will be close. "with someone who clearly does not care for her. "and could easily betray her again in the future.". - Exactly. - He's gonna betray you. - He has no choice but to tell her. - He has to tell her right now. - But what a crazy thing to have to tell your wife. - I know, and that sucks. But it's like, hey, it's the truth. - And the sister texted him, so he could just be like... - Yeah, so here's the crazy thing that I was gonna say. Before he kinda laid it all out for me at the end, I was like, "Dude, just don't even respond.". Just like-.

- Well, don't respond. - Well, yeah, but also like, just kind of like, almost like ignore it. But then he laid it out for me and I was like, "Oh yeah, no, I see.". Like, this could become like dangerous. - I would have to. I've luckily never been in a situation remotely like this, but I would have to like... I would have to tell my partner, if I was like out at a party and someone was like, "Hey, you're cute," I'd be like, "Thanks.". And I'd walk away, and I'd be like, "This lady told me I was cute.".

Like, I'd have to. I'd feel weird not communicating something like that, you know? But that's me. Like, and I'm extreme with it. But this, you can't, 'cause this is a crazy secret. To like find out like a year or something, oh, my sister offered to sleep with you. and you didn't tell me. - Dude, maybe, I'm hoping he misread the text. - Yeah. - She was like, "Oh, if you need help lifting stuff.". - You know, in a sexual way. - Lifting my (beep). - In a sexual way. - Yeah, what if he just fully misread the text? - That'd be good, I guess.

- Yeah. - Yeah. - Like, "Oh, if you need any help. "while your wife's pregnant.". And he's like, "Dude, she wants to (beep) me.". - You know what I'm bummed about? I'm gonna let you know now. I realize there's no update on this. So we don't know. I'm sure he told his wife, and hopefully he just handled it off of Reddit. But some comments. "Would your wife ever have told her to do it. "to see how you reacted?". He's responded, "I highly doubt it.". Someone else said, "You tell her, "'Your sister sent me this this morning.'. "Do not keep it from her.".

Someone else said, "This. "OP, you better tell her first. "If this comes out, the sister will twist things. "and it will be difficult for her to discern the truth. "She'll make you the bad guy.". Someone said, "Agree. "This situation calls for a preemptive strike.". Lastly, someone said-. - Dramatic as hell. - Jesus. - That's a Reddit response. Someone said, "I feel like that's gonna be what she does anyway. "if it comes out. "Some young women play stupid games. "where they try to set up their friend's boyfriends. "to see if they cheat like a loyalty test. "So I can absolutely imagine a 21-year-old girl doing this. "for real, or using this as an excuse.

"I did it myself back in the day.". We did have a loyalty test in a recent "Reddit Stories". where a-. - Thought you were gonna say in real life. - In real life, yeah. No. Where a girl asked her friend to wear white to her wedding. And then when she actually did wear white to her wedding, she was like, "I can't believe you did this.". She's like, "You told me to wear this dress.". She's like, "It was a friendship test and you failed.". I don't understand the concept of-. - I do that on Games videos. I'm like, "Hey, wear this wardrobe.". And when people do, I'm like, "Why'd you wear that?".

I'm like, "Shayne, wear green in this green screen video.". You show up wearing green, I'm like, "Shayne, why'd you do that?". - You'll be like, "Hey Trevor, be really bad in this video.". And then you're like, "Why did you play the game poorly?". - Trevor catching strays left and right. - I'm making fun of him 'cause of "Chained Together". - Was he bad? - No, he was good. We all had our moments. - Yeah. But we were all good. - It was all fun. That's been out for like a month now probably by this point. - Yeah. There's "Chained Together 2".

(crew laughs). - Lastly, someone said, "Hey, anyone reading this. "who thinks loyalty tests are a good idea, "please stay single. "You are not ready for a relationship, "and it's not fair for you to rope someone. "into your emotional dysfunction.". I think the jump to thinking this is a loyalty test. is a little crazy. I mean, I'm not saying it's impossible. 'cause we have read stories where it has happened, but the idea of telling like your sister. or telling a friend to like hit on your partner. to see their reaction.

I think if you're at that point, you need to have a-. - There's other problems. - You have problems. - I mean, but was it like the sister who put her up to it? I mean, it could have just been like a weird, also, this is my first time. ever hearing the phrase loyalty test. - That was a loyalty test. - And that was a loyalty test. - Loyalty test and, Spencer, you failed. - You know, maybe the sister was just like, "I don't like the vibes in this guy. "I'm gonna offer to sleep with them.". 'Cause like to me, that's just as farfetched. as legitimately just offering to sleep with. - Yeah. Yeah.

It's a crazy thing. The fact that she texted it too is pretty nuts. She also said, "She knows that women can get emotionally. "and physically abusive. "and can put a stop to intimacy during pregnancy. "and that she's willing to help me out anytime sexually. "or emotionally during and after the pregnancy.". There's something going on. There's a lot of layers to this. - What book did she read? - Yeah. - The pregnant-. - "Come As You Aren't". - Whoa. That was good. - There it is. Or it's fake, which is always a possibility.

- That's always something you can-. - That's always a possibility on Reddit. - She's like, "I don't have a sister.". - My sister's been dead for 15 years. - She exploded. - Guys, it's time for our final story. It's time for a legend that people have been asking for. since this show started. - Oh shit. - If this video doesn't trend because of this, I'm gonna be mad. - I don't think "Reddit Stories" has ever trended. - Really? - No. - Dude, you guys gotta put poop... Whoa. Sorry. - You know what it is. - I know the legend.

Do you know the legend? - Is this poop knife? - This is poop knife. - Wow. I know this one too. - Yeah, this is a legendary story. This is arguably like the most famous. Reddit story. - This is the story. - This is poop knife, and if you've not heard about it, buckle up. This comes from r/confession and r/museumofreddit. because it is such an old post. "I was 22 years old. "when I learned that not every family has a poop knife.".

(crew laughs). Who here in this room, raise your hand if you have not heard this story. or you've not read this story. Okay. - Wow. - Okay, here we go. - Get ready, y'all. - "My family poops big.". (everyone laughs). "Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, "but everyone births giant logs of crap. "If anyone has laid a mega poop, "you know that sometimes it won't flush. "It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl,

"and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin. "as it mocks you. "Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence. "that our family had a poop knife. "It was an old rusty kitchen knife. "that had hung on a nail in the laundry room. "only to be used for that purpose. "It was normal to walk through the hallway. "and have someone call out, "'Hey, can you get me the poop knife?'. "I thought it was standard kit. "You have your plunger, your toilet brush, "and your poop knife.". (crew laughs). "Fast forward to 22. "It's been a day or two between poops,

"and I'm over at my friend's house. "My friend was the local dealer and always had guests over.". - Local dealer of what? - Poop knives. - Of poop knives. "Because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass. "and sampling it for an hour. "I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. "I look down and see that it's a sideways one, "so I crack the door-". - What the (beep)? What the (beep)? - Well, it's a sideways one. - It's a sideways one, dude.

"So I crack the door-". - Mondays, am I right? - "I crack the door and call out for my friend. "He arrives, and I ask him for his poop knife. "My what? "'Your poop knife', I say, 'I need to use it, please.'". - Please. - Please, please! - "What the (beep) is a poop knife? "Obviously he has one, "but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. "A fecal cleaver, a dung divider, a guano glaive? "I explain what it is I want and why I want it.

"He starts giggling, then laughing, "then lots of people start laughing. "It turns out the music stopped, "and everyone heard my please-". (Spencer laughs). - The record scratch. - "Everyone heard my please through the door. "It also turns out that none of them had poop knives. "It was just my (beep) up family. "with their (beep) up bowels. "(beep) my life. "I told this to my wife last night, "who is amused and horrified at the same time. "It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was. "and had been using the old rusty knife. "hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife.

"Thankfully she didn't cook with it, "but used it to open Amazon boxes.". - Let her cook. - "She will be getting her own utility knife now". - To stab him with, I hope. - Yeah. - Dude, it's-. - This is awful. - It's probably been like a good three or four years. since I've reheard the story. It's so (beep) good. - It's so funny. - Every time. - I have never heard. I know the tale, but I've never heard the story.

- There's like joke versions of a poop knife on the internet. from like, after the story. - That's unbelievable. - Yeah. - Well, it's sideways. - How is it getting sideways? How are we getting sideways? - I don't know, man. - He sits side saddle. - Do we have like a piggy bank slot down there? It's coming out full sideways. What's happening? (everyone laughs). - Dude... - But it's like coming out like that? - Well, I think he means it goes down and it like go, it's so big. - I'm aware of what he means. I'm just shocked at how frequent...

Yoing. What? It's so vile. - He's like, "That's when everything went sideways.". (everyone laughs). - Stupid. This is awful. - No, bro, like I, like... Like, maybe TMI, I don't think I've ever taking a shit so big. it just wouldn't flush. - [Shayne] I never have. - The toilet has broken on me before, but it wasn't my fault.

- Yeah. I... Look... - So you think. - Yeah. - I can say here, I'm being vulnerable. No, I have not either. - Hey, I'm gonna be vulnerable, I'm super normal. (everyone laughs). - I guess it's a real thing. I mean, some people out there, they poop big, you know? - I poop big. I play hard. I poop big. - There is that, have you ever seen that famous photo. of the like nurse running down the hallway.

with the like, you know, like the whatever the bucket thing they have. in hospital beds, and it's just the biggest turd you've ever seen. in your life. - I haven't heard the word turd in years. - I know. This is also... Also, I feel like I also have to say. that all my poops flush since you two admitted to it. and I've been silent since. - Hey, bro. - So I feel like I have to also say that-. - When this video comes out, they're like, "Tommy's silence is deafening.". (everyone laughs).

- Tommy's silence is sideways. (everyone laughs). - Tommy's silence is deafening. - Oh God, bro. The amount of times Ian has made poop knife jokes. over the years, it's a lot. - Seriously. - It's such an Ian story. - It is such an Ian story. - Not 'cause he would do it. It's just like, something about it is just like, oh, this is so Ian. - What I think frustrates me about this, what I hate about him, well, I don't hate this guy for having a poop knife. I hate him for not keeping it in the bathroom. - No, that's crazy. - Exactly. - That's where I'm like, "The (beep) are you doing?". Like, you're talking about a plunger, the toilet brush,

and stuff. I'm like, things you keep in your bathroom. But your poop knife, you keep so far away you have to call someone. to go get the knife that you're gonna use to cut your shit. - It's gotta be the most (beep) backwoods-ass (beep). hanging on a nail in the laundry room. Like, are you kidding me? - No, this is "Resident Evil 7". (everyone laughs). A couple comments. "For some reason I thought you were gonna say you cut it. "while it was still coming out of your ass. "like a pasta shaper.". Someone said, "Cut the shit. This can't be real.".

Someone said, "What the heck do y'all eat?". Lastly, someone said, "Today I learned my husband needs a poop knife.". - What the (beep)? - I like how at the end of our stories, we have like a little discussion thing. where Emily will put like a discussion point, like talk about this or like, what do you think about this? She just wrote, "This is insane.". - Yeah. - Yep. - And it is insane. - And it is insane. - It's fully crazy. Wow. Finally read it. - That's...

(everyone applauds). That's crazy. - Whoa. - And there's been an update. (everyone laughs). - He's dead. (everyone laughs). He pooped too hard and he died. - He poops big. - If only Elvis had a poop knife. - Yeah. - Whoa. - I mean, he needed to like put it up. and swirl it around a little bit. (everyone laughs). He died of constipation is, that's the... We can cut that. (everyone laughs). He needed serious mental and physical help. (everyone laughs).

- God. This is just (laughs). - Hey, it's boys' days, it's boys' day. - I know! I know. - Hey, we play big, we poop big. (everyone laughs). And Shayne and I, normal poopers. I don't know about you. - We don't know about Tommy. - I know you made a statement. Your statement came a little late, okay? Felt like you felt obligated to say something. - You thought it was performative? - Yeah, it was a little performative, bro. - Oh my god.

Thank you both for being here. This was a wild ride. - This was crazy. - This was fun. - Good picks. - Thanks. Thanks. And thank you for watching. Comment down below if you have a poop knife. - Yeah. - Let us know if you have one, if you feel like you need one. - I've got like a Wusthof in there. - What? - A really nice knife brand. It was kind of a joke. It's like they sell like Williams Sonoma or Sur La Table. - Oh. - Oh. - Yeah, I would pay you 20 bucks to go to a Sur La Table. and ask if they have poop knives.

Do you have poop knives? (everyone laughs). Right onto the cutting board. - Yeah. (laughs). - Okay. Thank you all for watching, and we'll see you next Saturday. Bye! - Bye. - Goodbye. Thank you so much for to playing my game.