Not Getting Married Today | Reading Reddit Stories

- Welcome back to more Reddit stories. I'm Shayne, and today I'm joined by Chanse and Arasha. Welcome. And, guys, before we get into this, I need to let you know this Friday is our big live show, "The Funeral of Anthony Padilla,". also known as "The Roast of Anthony Padilla.". It's going to be brutal. Get your tickets at the link below. Now let's get into these Reddit stories. The theme today is Not Getting Married Today, which is a Sondheim reference, I've been told.

- Ally. - Yeah, you didn't know. You did not know that. - I don't know musicals. What we're gonna be dealing with today. is relationship drama. It's time to handle it before you take that next step, but it's at those moments. when you're about to take that next step. that often things go bad. - Yeah. - You're simmering. - Yeah. Yeah, you can't ignore it any longer. Well, let's see how this goes. - [Arasha] Okay. - First one comes from Am I The Asshole.

It also got posted onto Am I The Ex. - Am I The Ex? - Am I The Ex is a subreddit for people who do not realize. they've probably been broken up with already. - Oh no. - Like, they're writing the story like, "Oh, my girlfriend's so mad at me, "and she packed all her stuff. "and she said she's moving outta state, "and I haven't seen her in a week, "but I hope things work out.". - Oh, no. - [Shayne] It's like, no, you guys are broken up. - Oh no. - "Am I the asshole. "for asking my girlfriend's father his blessing to propose?". Doesn't seem so bad. - No.

- This is a 26-year-old man. His girlfriend is 22. "Okay, first of all, sorry for any mistakes. "English is a second language, "and I'm still processing what just happened. "So I've been dating my girlfriend. "for a bit more than a year. "She's the perfect girl for me. "She's hot, caring, and smart, "and we both love each other very much. "I've been thinking about proposing for a while. "My girlfriend is almost done with school, "and I have a good job with a lot of savings. "Since we're visiting her hometown for the week, "I thought this week would be a good moment. "to ask her father for his blessing. "I've only met with her family a couple of times.

"since they live in another city, "but they never seem to have a problem with me. "Her father is pretty easygoing. "So while we don't have much in common, "I wasn't really scared of his reaction. "Only a bit nervous. "This afternoon while my girlfriend was out. "with old friends, "I sat down with him and asked him if I'd have his blessing. "to marry his daughter. "He looked really awkward and confused. "and asked me a couple of times if I was being serious. "I explained that I was, that I loved his daughter very much. "and would make sure she never needs anything.

"He said something along the lines of, "'Whoa, I don't know what to say. "'I was not expecting that.'. "We were silent for a bit, and he left the room. "I was disappointed to say the least, "but still had hopes to convince him. "My girlfriend came back soon after. "and received a phone call from her mother. "who told her I asked my girlfriend's dad for his blessing. "My girlfriend was really angry at me. "for asking her dad instead of her, "and that doing so is sexist, "which is stupid because the point was to ask her dad. "to propose, not to marry her by force.

"Saying she was absolutely not ready for marriage, "wasn't even considering it. "because she thought it was way too early. "in our relationship. "After more than a year? "She said she felt humiliated in front of her parents. "and now she left to sleep at her mother's tonight, "leaving me alone with her father. "who's been avoiding me since our conversation. "I don't understand what happened. "I'm really hurt by her reaction. "and the way she viewed the possibility of marrying me. "as completely absurd. "I'm really angry and confused at her parents.

"for telling her about my plans. "instead of letting me propose how I intended.". - Yeah. (everyone groans). - Okay, I think I have a lot of thoughts. - [Shayne] Okay. - It should have been a conversation before. Like, it feels like it came out of nowhere, no? - I'm of the belief, and from what I've known and just everything, of a proposal's never really a surprise. - No. - I don't think it should be a surprise. You should agree you're getting married.

- I think so. - And then it's like, cool, all right. - And then it's a surprise. A controlled surprise. - The proposal should be a surprise. in that you don't know when it's happening. - Right, but not if. - You know that it is going to happen. - Exactly. - And it feels kind of circumnavigaty. when he's going to her dad before. It's like, no, we need to have this conversation. before you're talking to my parents. No. - I mean, a few things come up for me immediately. Like, obviously it seems like, this guy seems like he has lots. of different experiences, right?

Like, first he's 26, so I think maybe whether it's like culturally, whether it is just what he knows or what he believes, maybe he is just in a different stage of his life, and he is kind of like around this time. is when you're supposed to get married. So there might be just a little lack of considering. that she is like four years younger. - Yeah, 100%. - She is not even done with school yet, so I think for her and her parents, it kind of was like, "Marriage? "Like, how about graduation?". - Yeah, 100%. - Like, kind of out of nowhere.

But also, again, like it could be like he maybe wanted. to make it like more romantic. or tried to ask for permission from her parents. before going in for it. Like, I don't have too big of a problem with that. What I don't like is how he was like, "I wish that I just got to do how I wanted it. "I wish that I just got to propose how I intended.". - Oh, that makes him an asshole. - Yeah, like, obviously there were other things. and other people's feelings at play,

and I think that is maybe where he misstepped. - Well, right, 'cause so much of this if they communicated. and they were in line with, 'cause a lot of people, look, people get married at different ages. Some people want to get married young. Some people wanna wait. He clearly was not aware of what his girlfriend's plan was. - No. - And has not been asking her what she views her love life. as being. - And then she felt blindsided. when the parents come at her with, "Marriage?".

She's like, "I never said that. "Who told you that?" - Exactly. Yeah. - Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with asking. for a parent's blessing. if you and your partner are both like in line. with wanting to do the traditional stuff, the traditional path of it all. - [Arasha] Yeah. - But she's clearly a very different person. than he thinks she is. - I think so too. I think he is just kind of considering, again, himself. in that he is like, "I found this dream girl, "and we've been dating for a year, "and that is plenty of time, and I gotta just go for it.".

- She's also 22. Like, she's gonna change four times over before. - [Shayne] I know. - And what's the rush? What's the rush? - I don't know. - They've only been dating a year. Why not just enjoy not being married? - I don't know. Some people with different backgrounds, they believe like you should get married sooner. - [Arasha] Yeah. - He strikes me as someone who's very traditional. in a lot of ways. - Totally. Totally. - And, you know, there's partners out there. that he could meet that would fall in line with that. and be like, "Yeah, I agree with that, and I want that too.".

But he's clearly not asked his girlfriend anything. about what she wants. - No. There's not been a conversation. - That's what makes him an asshole. - He is just navigating under his own standards. and being like, "Well, I think I should get married right now, "and I think I should get married to this girl. "because she's perfect for me, "and it lines up with my life.". But not hers at all. - No. - Exactly. He's thinking about himself. - Yeah. It kind of feels like he's trying to take the father role. He's like, "And now we're passing you on. "And now I'm in charge of you.".

- Oh, scary town. - It is scary town. - The verdict was asshole. - Yeah. - The comments. "You're the asshole. "All of this could have been avoided. "by having an adult conversation. "with your partner about future plans. "Some people still like the whole asking dad. "for a blessing/permission things. "I find it outdated and it seems so does your girlfriend, "something that would've come up. "if marriage was at all discussed. "in the year you've been together, "along with a potential timeline. "of when it might be appropriate to propose.". Yeah. I also think a very appropriate conversation nowadays.

in dating is, do you want to get married? 'Cause I feel like-. - That's also true. - So many people I know are like, "No, we're not doing it." - Don't need to. - Yeah. - And that's a conversation you need to have. - Or at least just gauge, like general interest. - Right. Have a conversation. - I'm amazed it never came up at all. in all your conversations. Someone said, "She's 22, "and you've only been dating a little over a year. "Of course she's not ready for marriage. "No hate to those who marry young. "You're the asshole.". Yeah, he has a very different view,

'cause he put in parentheses, he's like, "We've been dating for over a year.". - Yeah. - It's forever. - No, my guy. - Someone said, "You're the asshole. "It is sexist. "You asked her father for permission to marry her. "It's a tradition rooted in sexism. "and is reminiscent of a time when women were property. "You are not ready for marriage. "She's very young. "She's technically still in her adolescence, ends at 24. "A year isn't that long, especially when you are young. "Three years is a more typical dating phase. "prior to a marriage proposal. "You don't know her.

"You didn't know she would be upset by what you did. "You didn't know that she wouldn't even consider marriage. "You don't know her. "You know what you want, but you don't know her.". - I love that. - That summed it up pretty well. - That's well said. That's well said. - Yeah. - And again, I think the focus here is just that he, and again, he said it at the beginning. that English is his second language, so he I think is operating under some beliefs, some traditions and rituals that maybe he grew up watching, and he was like, "Oh, like, you know,".

again, a very outdated tradition in lots of places, but a lot of places still believe that right out of college, a woman is supposed to get married. So he might be thinking in a completely different way. than all of us. Like, "Oh, time is ticking. "She's almost done with school. "Like, I gotta do this quick.". Like, he might just be operating under that other timeline. But again, it's still not an excuse for being like, "But this was my plan.". - Yeah. - Like, it clearly wasn't a well thought out one. - No. Yeah, he clearly doesn't think that his girlfriend does.

or should have any plans herself. - No. - His life. - His agency. Yeah. - But I mean, hey, she's hot. - But-. - Ah, she's hot. She's perfect for me. - She's great. - But she's hot. - But she's hot. - Wow. So, yeah, he's probably already broken up with. and does not realize it. That seems pretty clear to me. - Oh no, yeah, I forgot. - Maybe there's a world where they talked it out, and she's like-. - And she said, "See you in 10 years.". - She said, "See you in 10 years.". - [Arasha] Ask Daddy in 10. - I feel like the talking. that out would end up in a breakup anyways.

- Yeah. - That's fair. - Our next story, apparently there is more communication, but something still is not happening here. So I don't know. Let's see. "I, 28-year-old woman, refused to sign my marriage license. "at my wedding to a 28-year-old man. "And now I think I should leave him.". - What? - Interesting. So she refused to sign a marriage license at the wedding. Okay. - Okay? - "It's been one month since my wedding with Fred, 28, "and I am refusing to sign our marriage license,

"and now I am honestly considering leaving him. "For six years, I believed Fred and I were on the same page. "about what we wanted from one another and our future. "We agreed, as in he's made this point as well, "we didn't want children ever. "And I made it clear before and during wedding planning. "that I wasn't changing my last name ever. "He agreed to this. "I'm an only child while Fred has three brothers. "My last name dies with me, "while his family's last name will continue on.

"with his three brothers who are all married with children. "And with this all considered. "and points made on these facts, "I believe there wasn't an issue because Fred agreed to it. "I personally hate the tradition. "of taking on the husband's last name. "In my personal every right to have opinion, "for all you ready to jump on me in the comments, "it is an archaic tradition. "that feels more like the transfer of property. "to a man than a union. "And even though I'm never having children, "even the thought of someone else's last name being attached. "to my hypothetical child's.

"if I do all nine months of creating it. "and wrecking my body just doesn't sit right with me. "On top of that, "why should I have to change all my registered IDs. "and documentation just because I'm a woman? "It's not fair. "So it's our wedding day. "And Fred really pushed to have a ceremony. "in front of everyone. "where we'd sign our marriage license together. "He was first to go and when it was my turn, "he had his hand placed really weirdly on the document. "I told him to move his hand. "We had an awkward quiet battle about it. "And when he finally did, I saw what he was hiding. "It was his job to fill out all the forms for the license.

"since he offered to do that for me. "so I had one less thing to worry about, "and he went behind my back and purposefully filled it out, "so I would be taking his last name. "Turns out in Florida, you can put your maiden name. "and the name you are changing it to on the form. "And that's what I saw on the license. "Both names. "We were at the clerk together. "with all of our needed IDs and documentations, "and I was so stressed. "and exhausted I wasn't paying attention. "and I (beep) trusted him, so I never thought once that. "in any world I would need to review what he filled out.

"or even review the license when we had it in hand.". - So fair. - "I refused to make a scene in front of all of our friends. "and family or fall into the pressure I was under, "so I pretended to sign it, "and the rest of the night was ruined for me. "Everything I thought we agreed to. "and all my preferences he knew about. "and thought he respected were (beep) destroyed. "It was like my world was ending. "in what should have been the best day of my life. "Fred is now a completely different person. "He's all about tradition now. "and how it's his right to have a wife with his last name,

"how it's embarrassing that his brother's wives. "didn't make this an issue for them. "and how all his friends will give him shit. "if I don't change it. "He keeps saying that it's not that big of a deal. "and I'm ruining our future. "On top of that, he keeps bringing up the child argument, "saying, 'We can't both have different last names, "'and they should take mine.'. "We said we didn't want kids. "I know it's technically the certificate. "that changes your last name, "but to know this is what he's wanted all along. "and that he was willing to try. "and pull one over on me is disgusting.

"I feel manipulated and heartbroken. "And now he's put all the pressure on me to make a decision. "because time is running out on filing. "for our marriage certification. "and he isn't changing his mind. "I feel like I've wasted our guests' time, "our and our family's money for the wedding, "and now our future together. "because I let him fool me for six years. "and I never saw this happening to me. "I feel like I've wasted my life, "and I'm backed into a corner. "with someone I don't even recognize anymore.". - Leave him, girly. Leave him, girly. - That's tough.

- My initial take on that is absolutely leave. That is (beep) crazy. - That is, I feel like that one isn't as nuanced at all. Like, I really, the only like empathy. that I think I'm feeling towards him. is that it feels like it was just something. that he was like just deeply shoving into himself. and just being like, "I just need to hold onto it. "Like, I just need to marry this person, "and it's gonna be okay. "And hopefully her mind will change.

"or like hopefully something will happen,". when it was just like, no. Like, a clear statement of like, "That's not happening. "This is how our marriage is going.". And then it's not even that he like changed his mind. and was like, "Oh, by the way, "like actually I do want kids now.". He just tried to sneak it in there? - That's so annoying. - That's (beep). - That's so annoying. 'cause it's so different than a conversational ask. This is my want. This is important to me. Can we at least talk about it a little bit? - Right, 'cause it's so fair to change your mind. if you're like, "Wait." - The circumnavigating.

Why are we taking all the way around? Just talk direct to me. - Yeah, because he wanted to trick her into being with him. He is like, okay. He wanted, he's like, "I want this person, "but I also want this person to have kids with me. "So how do I make that happen, "even if they don't want it?". So messed up. 'Cause yeah, there's nothing wrong, there's nothing wrong with wanting kids or not wanting kids. But if you're in a relationship with someone. and you disagree on that, you both need to be like, "Hey, maybe we have to go our separate way.".

- And she keeps saying, "We've had these conversations, "and I've told him this.". - She put it in all caps. She's like, "We agreed on this.". - This is how I feel. - Yeah. Yeah. For me-. - It sounds like he was just putting shit under the rug. - It's just haunting to me. to think about that moment too for her. when she like saw that and then like the whole, like that she pretended to sign it. Like, she is probably just horrified. over how that felt on her wedding day. - Well, it's such a betrayal. Here's someone you trust and then it's like, oh,

and their whole relationship, they were just trying to trick her. - And in front of everybody too at their wedding, heartbreaking. And also heartbreaking that she clearly isn't able. to walk away just yet. - Not everyone signs their certificate there at the wedding, at the ceremony. But it feels like maybe he wanted that to-. - Give power. - Trick. Yeah. He's a super manipulator. is what it strike me as. - Yeah. I don't like it one bit. - No, I mean, he lied. - There's one thing about being like, "I do believe in traditions or I do like this ritual,". but to just lie about it, to manipulate your partner,

to try to like make them enter into a marriage. on false clauses. I don't like it at all. - You never can trust... Why I think she has no choice but to leave him. is she's never gonna trust him ever again. - No. How could you? - Oh no, oh yeah. - And it's just, it's done. To me, we talked about this on the cheating episode. of "Reddit Stories,". but to me, cheating, the bad part of it is the lying. - [Chanse] Yes. - And to me, a relationship, lying is the most surefire way of killing it. - [Chanse] 100%. - Because without trust, there's no communication. Without communication, there's no relationship.

- Totally. - And so I don't know what this guy was thinking. - And the lying and the omittance of the truth. - Yeah. Yeah. - People try, "I don't lie.". But you didn't tell me the (beep) truth, bitch. - That's exactly it. You can make a mistake. Like, we all like slip up, but the first moment that you have, the first chance that you have to admit it, you should. And if you don't, that trust is just continuing. to become a bigger gap for you and that person. - Yeah. And yeah, I mean, and now suddenly outta nowhere, he's absolutely certain about how he feels.

It's not even a matter of like, "Oh, I didn't know and now I changed my mind.". It's like, no, he was always certain. - [Arasha] Bye. - That guy is a nightmare. - Bye. - Some comments here, verdict, I don't need... It's clear. - I kinda wanna hear him get dragged. - This is Relationship Advice, so it's not an Am I The Asshole situation, but it's clear who's the asshole. - Yeah. - Okay. - Some comments. "Even aside from all the relationship stuff, "this guy tried to trick you into signing a document. "that you were very clear you didn't agree to.". - [Chanse] Right. - "It sounds like he's showing his true colors. "I'm so proud of you for standing up for your principles.

"and not going along with his shitty misogynistic plan.". OP said, "But how do you move on from this? "What do I tell my family, his family, "all my friends who spent so much money. "to come to my wedding and be in it? "I have never felt so much pressure and stress. "and (beep) sadness ever. "Wasting all of this just. "because I don't wanna change my last name. "is just becoming more and more ludicrous to me. "But I can't bring myself to abandon my wants for his.". - That's also true. I also had that thought, like she's setting these own, like it's important to her.

and she's built that up in her head, but now it's like, "Oh (beep). "Like, maybe I would've had some leeway room on this. "if we would've talked about it before.". - Totally. - So it sucks 'cause she sounds like she knows, like it's not as important. Like, she's saying it's important. - Sure. But she has no choice. - Now? No. - It's not about the name change now. - Absolutely not. - Yeah, but he didn't even give it a chance. to like work it out. - And it sounds like in the way that she's writing. that she would've been open to conversation about it. - Totally. Totally. - No, I mean, if I was talking to her.

and she was saying this, I'm like, yeah, things are gonna suck. - [Chanse] Yeah. - Things are gonna suck. But you have no choice. - You have no choice. - Oh yeah. - You have no choice. Things are gonna suck. Tell your truth. Be honest. And if your family is not on your side, (beep) them. But everyone's gonna agree. Someone said, "Honestly, I'm not sure why either of you got married. "You both sound like you have radically different values. "If you leave him, "it doesn't sound like either of you are losing. "strictly based on this thread.". OP responded, "I thought we had the same values. "and came to an agreement, "and then he suddenly just switches on me.".

- [Arasha] Yeah. - "He said he didn't think I actually was serious. "and that I would just change my mind eventually.". - There you go. - Holy crap. - He was just pretending to be somebody else, and he was like, "It'll be fine. "It's gonna be fine.". And then when the wedding day came. and she still hadn't changed her mind, he was like, "Well, good thing I have this fake document. "that she's not gonna know, "and I'm gonna cover it up with my hand.". - Commit a (beep) crime. "To respond to your other comment, OP, "this is exactly what you tell people. "when they ask what happened. "You thought the two of you had the same values.

"and came to an agreement, but suddenly he changed his mind. "Instead of addressing it, he chose to lie. "and attempt to manipulate you to get his way. "And that was at the very inception of your marriage. "Beyond disgraceful.". Lastly, someone commented a, we got a big conversation here. - [Chanse] Okay. - "And this is how abusive marriages start, "not openly and violently, "but with small incremental changes. "to who you thought you were with. "Slowly the real him comes out into the open. "once you find yourself with every reducing options.

"Please do not let the sunk cost fallacy entrap you. "even further in this, "because sticking with it will have you leading a life. "that you do not want. "But by then it'll too late and even harder to leave. "This is after all how many abusive marriages start off.". OP responded, "I know. "I just don't know how someone can keep face for six years. "without cracking and how I didn't pick up on it. "He always seemed so sincere, but looking back on it now, "I'm wondering if when I said I'm not changing my last name, "his agreement was the same as appeasing a child like,

"'Uh-huh? Of course you can.'. "After reading a lot of what y'all have to say, "I'm just starting to get (beep) furious. "I feel like he's fizzled me down to an idea, not a person. "I'm angry he thought I'm stupid enough to fall. "for this shit, "that he tried using public humiliation to coerce me, "and weak enough to let him steamroll me. "I'm not a stupid person. "I like to think I've got a good head on my shoulders. "So I'm angry I even let this happen. "And I know everyone is saying, 'Leave. "'This is abusive.'. "And I don't disagree, but I cannot explain.

"to any of you the (beep) weight I have on my shoulders. "I know I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks. "and should put myself first, "but this is the most weighted decision. "I've ever had to make, and it's (beep) hard. "It's really, really (beep) hard. "I know all of this, "and I still can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.". - That is so sad. - It's very sad. But it's like you don't get married. because "oh, I don't wanna upset my family.". - But I mean, I think also though, you know, like, right, we read that and we're like, "Get out.".

- [Shayne] It's easy for us. - But yeah, like again, we also have to remember. that she has, inside of those six years, so many good memories with this man. And she's like, "Maybe that wasn't him. "And maybe that's really him. "And maybe he's going through something.". Like, leaving somebody is way harder, even if it's like something drastic like this or cheating. Like, it's so easy to just forgive and be like, "It's gonna be okay. "Like, I just believe in this person.". - It's such a band-aid that you can slap on. - It's so hard. - I understand that it's truly a nightmare situation.

for her. I would feel the exact same way, but, and I think she knows. She knows what she has to do. I hope she does the right thing. because yes, it's about to be really shitty. It's about to be super awkward and unfortunate. But that's not her fault. If she does get married, it's so much worse. She's now marrying someone that she already has hate for, and like he doesn't respect her. - Yeah, she should prank him back.

- Yeah. - She should change all of his names to her name. - There you go. The sunk cost fallacy is a great one to bring up here. because they've been dating for six years, so most all of her 20s. And even according to biological clock, especially nowadays, she's not in a bad, she's 28. It's not like- - Not at all. - She's fine. - Not even close. - You're not... But she, yeah, she seems to know who she is. and what she wants out of life. - [Arasha] Yeah. - And she knows this isn't it. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm glad you said.

that it was from Relationship Advice too. And I was like, I hope nobody's calling her the asshole. - Yeah, no, he is a nightmare. - [Arasha] Yeah. - That's a bad guy. - Definitely. Yeah. Bad men. - This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Give yourself the gift of insane savings this holiday season. because with Mint Mobile right now, when you buy any three-month plan, you'll get another three months for free. That's six months for the price of three. An incredible deal from a service. that already provides incredible deals.

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and you'll get another three months for free. So check it out at mintmobile.com/pitreddit. That's mintmobile.com/pitreddit. Cut your wireless bill down to $15 a month. by visiting mintmobile.com/pitreddit. Back to the show. "Am I the asshole if I call off my engagement. "because of a comment my fiance made about my late wife? "For some background info, "I, 43-year-old man, have two children.

"with my late wife Kayla. "Sam, who's 21, and Liz, who's 16. "All fake names. "Kayla passed away when our kids were 15 and 10. "I won't give specifics about how she passed, "but she was struck by a drunk driver. "when she was on her way home from work.". - Whoa. - "She really was the love of my life. "And to say that her passing hit our family hard. "would be an understatement. "I promised myself that if I got back into the dating game, "I wouldn't date anyone for at least a couple of years. "for the sake of my kids. "Three years after my wife's passing, I met my now fiancee.

"We'll call her Amanda. "Things went slow, and I didn't introduce her to my kids. "until we had been dating for about a year at that point. "Now we've been together for three years and are engaged. "Amanda and my kids have always had a good relationship. "Neither of my kids are super close to her, "but they have always been friendly and welcoming to her. "And Amanda has never overstepped. "any boundaries my kids have, "like trying to replace their mother. "At the beginning of Amanda and I's relationship, "she was a bit insecure of the fact that I was a widower. "During the first few months of us dating,

"she would constantly ask things like, "if Kayla had never passed, "would I still be with her right now? "I always kept my answers brief. "and told her that I didn't like thinking about the what ifs. "and that she was the one I was dating now. "and that that was what mattered.". - Yeah. - "Eventually she stopped making these comments, "and I stopped worrying about it. "Now to the issue. "My parents were hosting a family dinner. "to celebrate my fiancee and I's engagement. "It was my mom and dad, "my late wife's sister and her husband,

"Sam and Liz, and me and Amanda. "Dinner was going well. "We were all making small talk with each other. "and talked about wedding plans. "About halfway into dinner, "my mom made a comment about how she was so happy I was able. "to find the spark I had with Kayla in someone else.". - Aw. - "I don't think anybody really paid much attention. "to the comment. "But then Amanda laughed and said, 'I'm happy she died. "'Otherwise I would've never gotten him to myself.'". - No. Okay, okay, okay.

- "The tone of the dinner immediately shifted, "and everyone got extremely tense, especially my kids. "Amanda noticed the shift. "and started awkwardly laughing like she was trying. "to play her comment off as a joke. "I was honestly just frozen as that was the first time. "she had made a comment like that. "My kids looked disgusted, "and Liz got up and walked out to the car. "Sam waited a bit longer like he wanted me to say something, "but I was still in shock about what Amanda had said. "To make a long story short, the dinner was kind of ruined,

"so I said my goodbyes to everyone, grabbed my fiancee, "and we all drove home.". (Chanse yells). "My daughter hasn't spoken to me or Amanda since, "and it's been three days. "I got tired of it. "and pulled my son aside to ask him what I should do. "He said something along the lines of, 'I'm a grown man. "'and don't care who another grown man marries. "'But I don't want a woman who speaks like that. "'about our mother around my sister.'. "Sam's comment stuck with me, and now I'm considering. "calling off the engagement entirely. "She's never made comments like this before,

"but I'm worried if I let it slide this one time, "it'll become more frequent and it will affect my daughter. "I need some advice from outside perspectives. "and just wanna do right by my kids. "Would I be the asshole if I called off the engagement. "because of the comment she made?". (Shayne sighs). - Girly... - I also think it's just really inappropriate the, "if she hadn't passed, "would you still be with her right now?". Is a weird-. - See, my Gemini ass, nosy ass self, I wanna know,

not for a bad reason. I just wanna know to like know-. - I guess there's a better way to phrase it. - There is a better way. - Do you think you guys would've gone your whole life? - It's like an insecurity thing, you know? - No, it's not. - Well, like-. - It's a curiosity thing. It's different. - Well, sometimes. Sometimes I think it can be. - But with her, do we think it's a curiosity thing with her? - It doesn't feel like an insecurity thing. It feels like the way he spun it in this, and it feels like a bad time to joke.

- A real issue is that we don't get to hear. how she said this. - Totally. Totally. - And yes, but also the reaction. If the reaction from everyone-. - They're not in a place, yeah. - And like she tried to play it off as a joke. I think you need to, as someone who says jokes, you need to immediately be like, "That was the worst thing I could have ever said. "I'm so sorry.". - You need to immediately. - When I'm talking about tone, I'm talking about the questions, the like, "Would you still be with her?". - [Arasha] Yes. Yes. - I still read, I don't know. - I mean, again, I didn't have too big of a problem.

with that because I understand that like, yeah, you might just be like, yeah, sure, you might be wondering or you might just be like, like I don't know, getting a little like meta. and being like, "What would my life look like. "if things were different?". And sometimes that involves being like, what if, what if. Even if it does upset some people. But right, she moved on and she wasn't asking those anymore. - [Chanse] Right. - I think saying that joke, like yeah, she probably had like a dumb like just moment.

where she wasn't thinking, and she was just like, "Oh, this is a joke.". However, it's just like, even if you are unconsciously doing that, like the kids are there. - [Chanse] Yeah. - I just cannot defend even for a second, like just, it's just about being a little bit more thoughtful. and being more considerate with your words, and to just slip up like that I don't think should go. without some consequences. - And an important point to make. is that he mentions it's been three days, and he does not include any information.

about her being like, "I wanna apologize.". - Right. - Or any sort of like taking that back. - Totally. - Which is really bad. Yeah, I mean, look, it was like-. - He needed to address it. Even though it's awkward, he needs to do something like either defuse the situation. or go have a conversation with her, 'cause everyone in the room obviously felt a way, and it felt like the onus was-. - Yeah, like very obviously felt a way. And if she's not aware of how bad that was-.

- Yes, it's a "Do you actually feel that? "'Cause you just made a really weird joke.". - Yeah, it's like, holy crap. - Yeah, and if she's-. - People are getting up and leaving. - Yeah. - Right. If she's not spending like those three days like groveling, like she needs to be working on getting better. with the kids. Like, I think it goes back. to what we were just talking about with trust. Like, that trust is just completely broken now with her, because how can he trust. that she's not gonna just say something so evil like that?

- You know, I think people get caught up sometimes on like, well, does she deserve for them to break up or whatever. I'm like, it's not a matter of deserved or anything. Is this fixable? Like, that damage that was-. - Is it evil? Is it evil? She's saying, "I'm happy that she's dead. "because I am where I am now.". - "Because I wouldn't have gotten him to myself.". - Ah. - [Shayne] "I would've never gotten him to myself.". - You know? - It's brutal. - I understand. I could maybe understand her saying like-. - Everything needed to happen the way it happened. to be where I am now, is a nice sentiment to say.

- But literally saying, "I'm happy she died.". Like, those words together should not have come. out of her mouth. - The syntax is not doing it. for her. - [Arasha] It's not good. - There was another Reddit story that we read. where a guy married a widower, and she had a couple kids, and that was the one where he was going, and he would like talk to the, he would go to the grave of the former dad. and like talk to him and kinda like tell him. about the kid's life and stuff.

It was very sweet because you could tell he had respect. for his partner's, you know, passed away husband. And I think that's the thing is that I just don't know. if she respects that. - It doesn't feel like that at all. - It doesn't feel like she has, you kind of do have to have respect. for that person they lost. And it can't be a matter of like, well, I'm, you're not in competition with them. - Yeah, you're not. - Like, truly at all. Like, and that's I think-. - You're happy she's dead. No. - That's a weird-. - Yeah. - Saying you're happy someone died. in front of all that person's loved ones, I mean, holy crap.

- I love that I can still see parts of her in all of you. Oh, what a beautiful thing to say. - There's so many things. You could also just not say anything. - Just literally staying quiet. - You really could just not say anything. If I married a widower, I think anytime I'm at a public, like with their families. and they're talking about her, I would just be like... - Or the maturity to love her, love her memory in front of them and be like, "Tell me more stories. "Like, I want to hear.". - [Shayne] Exactly. - That's how we're all here. - Because if you're all about, like, everything happened, so I'm where I am now. Like, that includes that.

And it's not, "I'm happy.". It's more like, "What a loving person who built this-". - This community, This family. - This community. These like people are now shaped. because of who this person was. And for me, I think, again, this is what I said. with the signing of the licenses too, like I tend to remember the pain. that I feel in those moments. And I think in that moment I would be so devastated. to have heard something like that. And I don't think that I could have, I don't know if I could get over something like that. - It's also the nature of how she died.

Like, a tragic death. - Yeah. - It's not, it's like it's rough. - [Chanse] Rough. - That is real rough. - And the kids. I just, I couldn't. I don't know if I could really look past that at all. - Let's see some comments here. - Updates? - Some comments. "I mean, she could have said something like, "'It was an unfortunate event for all of you, "'but I think she was the one who brought us together. "'to be there for each other.'". - Nice. - Great. - "She could have gone in any other way, "but she decided to allow her insecurities be in the way.

"because she knows if Kayla didn't pass, "OP wouldn't have been with her. "She has always been competing with a dead woman. "and will continue to do so.". As always, with the Reddit stories, we're missing a lot of context. That is the take that I am feeling. - Agreed. - Based on the info. - Agreed. - It's like, "Well, am I better than that person you were with?". It's like, it doesn't matter. - It doesn't matter. - It truly doesn't matter. - And there's no competition. It's a brand new thing. - Right. - It is a different thing.

- And well, I wanna say that like, I don't think that. that insecurity is necessarily like stupid. Like, I think it makes a lot of sense. Like, obviously like he lost someone, and I think, again, I have empathy for her and that I feel like sure, maybe you are like, again wondering these questions, but to bring it out and make that insecurity somehow. more powerful than being more thoughtful. in a situation about your words, like, it just doesn't seem like an even battle right there. - This is exactly a predicament where I'm like,

that is something you discuss with a therapist, 'cause I don't think you should discuss that with him. That's a tough thing for him to untangle of you going. and being like, "I'm insecure about your dead wife.". It's like, what's he gonna say about it? Talk to a therapist and be like, "I'm dealing with insecurities. "I can't control my insecurities.". Those happen. - [Arasha] Yeah. - But how you go about it is your choice. And she's going about it horribly. - And on the contrary, he is going about it really well, I think.

Like, even just the timeline, at least before that he was talking about where right, he had some space. Obviously he like mourned, and then he said he was with her for about a year. until he introduced the kids. And then now three years later, they're getting engaged. Like, I feel like he's got a good head on his shoulders. And he is really timing this out well. He is considering the kids. - And he raised good kids too, 'cause his son was awesome. - [Arasha] Yes. King. - And I think I am the type to react like how he reacted. When someone says something (beep) crazy to me or around me,

like I process for a while. Like, I think about it, and then, so I don't think he should feel bad. for not necessarily immediately responding. - Getting upset. Yeah. Not at all. - Someone else said, "'I'm happy she died' would be unforgivable for me. "Especially knowing my kids heard my fiancee say that. "Disgusting. "I wouldn't be able to not think about that. "every time I looked at them.". - [Chanse] Yeah. - Someone else said, "Yeah, she's never gonna let this go.

"You can. "Your son just told you the deal. "It's her or them. "Choose wisely.". I think that's where he's at. I think where I feel bad for, the only thing that I'm feeling is it does suck. when you say something stupid, and you're like, "It's all over because of that one thing.". - Yeah. - Not a pattern behavior. I said one thing and it's over. - Yeah. - But it's over. Like, it is over. - And if that is the case and she didn't, again, if she was unconsciously. just like saying things like that, she didn't mean to, she doesn't deserve to be in a situation.

where she's unconsciously hurting people. Like, she should just be placed in better circumstances. This doesn't seem like it's something that can last. - There's an edit here. "Wow, I didn't expect to get this much advice. "so shortly after posting this. "Nonetheless, thank you all for the advice. "and even the people calling me a bad father. "I think your guys' words are what I needed. "to pull my head outta my ass. "I will try to talk to my kids alone tonight. "before speaking with my fiancee, "and we'll see where it goes from here. "I'm pretty sure my fiancee and I are over though.

"I'll update late tonight or tomorrow. "on how the talks with everyone goes. "Thank you all again for setting my head straight.". Update. This is the next day. - The honeymoon fix. - Yeah, and they're like, "Cabo's been amazing.". (everyone laughs). - The kids are in college. - "I promised I would update everyone. "after I had talked to my kids, so here's the update. "It's kind of long, so I hope that doesn't go. "against the rules of this community. "I'm also gonna use this update as a way. "to clarify some of the questions people were asking.

"in the comments. "One, did my fiancee apologize to anyone. "at the dinner party? "No, she didn't.". (Chanse yells). "I honestly don't think it even registered. "or has registered to her that what she said was wrong.". Okay, yeah. - No, that's faux pas. - Nope. - There you go. That is the cement. - Nope, nope, nope. - "Does fiancee have social anxiety? "Not to my knowledge, no. "In all the time I've known her, "she's never shown any signs of social anxiety. "and doesn't have a history of it.". If you have social anxiety, you'd apologize after. You'd be like, "I said something stupid.

"That was my anxiety. "I'm sorry. "It's been three days and I'm sorry.". "How old was my late wife? "She was 37 when she passed, and we were the same age. "Amanda is 41. "A lot of people were asking for clarification. "on the timeframe of her passing. "and when my fiancee and I met. "At this point in time, "Kayla has been gone for about six years, "and I met Amanda roughly three years after Kayla's passing. "I didn't mention either of their ages. "as I didn't believe it was important. "because we're so close in age, "but I understand why a lot of you guys would wanna know.".

That's also a lot of time that's passed, like even if your ex is alive, it's like, yeah, but that was three years ago. - Yeah. - Why are you insecure about it? - Yeah. Yeah. But in a way that's also not a lot of time, particularly for their children. - No. - Like, not okay to make that-. - No, it's not a lot of time. It's not a lot of time as far as grieving goes. But it is a lot of time as far as if you're dating someone, and it's like-. - Your ex. - They haven't been with someone for three years. You're not like, "Oh, well how do you feel about this?". It's been three years.

- It's over. Yeah, well, now we're even more clear that she's done for. No apologies? - She's done for. - "Now that I've clarified the things I was most asked about. "in the comments, we can go into the update.". (Chanse squeals). "I'm writing this update, "it's the day after I talked to my kids. "So last night around 5:30, my fiancee left for work. "She works nights most days of the week, "so I was able to call my son and ask if he could come over. "so I can talk to him and his sister. "He goes to our local college. "and lives in an apartment near his school. "When he started college, he wanted to move out.

"but also wanted to stay close to us, "so he settled on an apartment. "a few blocks away from the college. "He came over, "and I called him and his sister into the living room. "to talk with both of them. "When they were both seated, I told them point blank. "that I didn't think the wedding was happening anymore. "and that the comment she made was unacceptable. "I then, by the advice of the comments, apologized to them. "I told them I was sorry for not saying anything for so long. "and letting the tension thicken in our home. "I told my daughter. "that I understood why she hasn't spoken to me. "and that I was sorry for allowing her to think. "that I was even remotely okay with what she said.

"I felt pretty spineless. "after we had gotten back from dinner that night, "so I wanted to do everything in my power. "to make it right with my kids during the conversation. "My daughter told me that she felt disgusted. "at the comment Amanda made. "and even more so when I didn't defend her mother. "She then told me that the past two years. "that she's known Amanda, "she felt like she's been gradually trying to push her. "and Sam away from me. "One of the examples Liz gave was when my son moved out. "He moved out. "when he was about to start his sophomore year of college, "and when he mentioned the idea of moving out,

"Amanda was the one who took that and ran with it. "According to Liz, "Amanda was the one encouraging Sam the most to move out. "To be clear, I was never against Sam moving out, "but I was clear to him that he was welcome to live at home. "for his college years and even after. "until he found where he wanted to be. "I asked Sam if he felt pushed out by Amanda. "and if that's why he moved out. "He said he hadn't felt pushed out. "before he told everyone he wanted to move, "but after he put it out there, "my fiancee kept pushing for him to move out. "Liz cut in and said that every time she brings up college,

"Amanda keeps encouraging her to go out of state. "Liz doesn't plan on going out of state, "and she's been open about wanting. "to go to the college Sam is attending right now. "Liz said she feels like Amanda is waiting. "till she graduates high school. "and goes to college so she can move out. "A lot of the comments were right about the subtle comments. "eventually turning into Amanda. "wanting my kids pushed away from me. "Liz said that she was scared. "that by the time I eventually noticed the way Amanda. "was acting too big of a wedge would've already been driven.

"between me and them. "I told my kids that I'm sorry it's taken me this long. "to notice and that I was also sorry they've been walking. "on eggshells for so long. "I hugged my kids and told them that no matter what, "they're my top priority, not Amanda or anybody else. "A lot of comments pointed out. "that even though my son is grown, he still needs a father. "And I made sure to let my son know. "that I will always be there for him and his sister, "even when they're well grown. "The entire conversation lasted about two hours. "We covered a lot of the bases we wanted to, "and it got emotional on all sides.

"In short, Amanda and I are done. "I've made it a point to tell my kids. "that none of this situation is their fault. "and that Amanda is the grown woman who said what she said. "My kids and I are okay right now, "but they aren't 100% with me. "and probably won't be for a while. "I'm completely fine with that. "and just want my kids comfortable in their own home. "Amanda has tomorrow off from work, "so I plan on talking to her tomorrow. "I also plan on calling my mother. "to ask her why she thought it was okay. "to even bring up Kayla at the dinner table. "I don't want my daughter here when it all goes down,

"so she's staying tonight and tomorrow night with Sam. "So that's where I'm at right now. "Not super happy about the outcome of me and Amanda, "but would rather have my kids happy and healthy. "than have a wife. "Again, thank you everyone for the advice. "and the harsh words. "I'll update after I call off with Amanda. "Thank you, everyone.". - Wow. - I mean, I think this guy is really stepping up. - I love this man. - He's stepping up. - Yeah, he's doing great. I would also say like, I don't know, if I put myself in her shoes. and I am dating someone whose wife passed away, has kids,

I'm like, I am not even giving you advice. - Not gonna try? You're not gonna try? - I'm like, "Hey.". It's like, "Hey, I'm wondering about college and stuff.". Be like, "I don't know.". Like, you know, I'm not gonna be like, "You should go outta state.". - Why not? If you did believe it, like, I don't know. I'm like, yeah, go outta state. Go fly somewhere. Go learn something new. - Based on the kids' reactions though-. - Yeah, that's not what it felt like to them.

That's important. - But I'm getting the gauge like, and the fact that they reaction was, 'cause I think if she was awesome, I think if they truly liked her and she said that, I think their reaction would've been like, "Hey, super out of pocket. "You shouldn't have said that.". They were done. It seems like they were maybe done before she said that. - Yeah. - And now they're unloading on like, "Hey, we felt like she actually doesn't respect us.". - And that would ultimately be my advice to this guy. Again, I think that he acted accordingly,

and I respect everything that he did. I do think he should have, maybe at the table it was also shocking for him. and it was like, "Whoa, what?". And trying to deal with that. But I feel like after a moment of shock, like I feel like you gotta go to the kids. - You gotta get your shit together. - No, no-. - You have to go and talk to the kids. Three days is a long time to not check in on with them. - Yes. - Three days is way too long. - Way too long. - I understand at the dinner table of being in shock.

and being like, "Uh...". But-. - [Arasha] Yeah. - Even if just it's like an hour passes. and you're suddenly like, "Okay, I need to, yeah.". - We're not leaving this place without talking about it. - Absolutely. - And I'm not letting you ruminate and marinate. in that sauce. - Like I said, I'm the type that'll be, I think a lot. But a day's not gonna pass. - No. - Right. And and also though too, like it's also something to be said. that all of this was happening with his kids.

and he didn't know, you know? - He's not checking in with his kids. - I think a check-in would've been great. Like, 'cause he, to his knowledge, he was like, "Oh, like they like Amanda. "She's always been friendly, whatever.". Like, he should have checked in. - Yeah. - However, I feel confident. in saying lesson learned for him. It seems like he really knows and lines up his priorities. He's got his values in check now, so I'm good with it. - Yeah. Update number two. (Chanse gasps). 'Cause he talked. Now after he talked with Amanda,

- I keep getting scared that we're like, "Yes, this man. "Yes, this man.". - There's gonna be a shoe. The shoe drop? - Yeah. Ball drop. - Wait, the other shoe drops. - [Shayne] The other shoe drops. - The ball drops too, right? - The ball drops. The shoe drops. - No, you drop the ball. The shoe drops. Continue, Shayne. - Two days from the original post. "Okay, everyone, "here's the update you guys were waiting for. "So where we last left off is my kids and I talked, made up, "and my daughter is staying with her brother, "so she doesn't get caught up in what is about to happen. "with my now ex-fiancee. "Before the hard part of the day,

"breaking it off with Amanda, "I made a call to my mom to let her know of the situation. "A lot of the comments told me not to bash my mom. "for the comment she made. "Now thinking back on the situation with a clear mind, "the comment my mother made towards Amanda. "was most definitely a compliment towards her. "And that was confirmed-". - What was the comment? Sorry. - Yeah, I forget. - The mom had said like, "I'm so glad you found a spark.". - Oh yeah. - "I'm so glad you found that spark that you had with Kayla. "in someone else.". - [Arasha] Oh, that's fine. - Like, "Oh, you found love again. "I'm so glad you found something like that.".

- And that's what spurred "I'm happy she's dead"? - I know. It's like, dude. - Girl. - That is a comment you don't need to respond to. That's a comment you-. - No, that is a-. - That's one of those where you just like grab their hand. and just go... - That's a super warm comment. It's a very heartwarming thing to hear. - [Shayne] So sweet. - Or you compliment what you see in the dead wife. that's still here existing, that's what I'm saying. - You were in. - Or just thank them for the turkey. Was it Thanksgiving? - Thank you. - Or was it just dinner? - For allowing me to be here in this place with you all.

Not "I'm happy she's dead.". - No, not that. - I also love the idea, there's a crazy scheme in my head. where like the mom is like, "I'm gonna get her now.". Like, she sets it up. - The kids are like, "Now.". - Boom! - And she's like, "Now, Liz, you go run to the room.". She's like, "No.". They're like, "Three days. He hasn't budged.". - We did it. We did it. Amanda's gone. - This is Liz, and this is Sam. - I love that. - "And that was confirmed in the call I had with her. "My mother, bless her heart, felt extremely guilty. "for the entire situation.

"She fully believed the situation all stemmed. "from her one comment. "I assured her that none of the situation was her fault. "and that I've never blamed her one bit for any of this. "We talked a bit before I let her go. "The call ended at about 9:15 AM, "and I was left waiting for Amanda to wake up. "She woke up at around 10:30 AM, "and I didn't want to ambush her straight after she woke up, "so I waited until about 11:10 AM to sit her down and talk.". - Fuck. - "A lot of people in the comments suggested. "to secretly video the whole thing. "I thought that was extremely smart,

"so I had my phone set to record. "in my back pocket the entire time.". - Wait, what? - I don't know. - Oh, no. - Shoe drop, ball. - The ball, the shoe. - "So I had my phone set to record. "in my back pocket the entire time. "I didn't think she'd try to do anything drastic, "but I would rather be safe than sorry. "The talk with her went about as well. "as anyone could imagine, so not great. "I told her I needed to talk with her, that it was serious, "and we sat in the living room. "When we were seated, I began unloading at her. "about the comment she made about Kayla. "at my parents' house, how it made my kids feel,

"how it made me feel, her lack of an apology. "or any sort of acknowledgement to what she said and so on. "I told her I expect her to give an apology to my parents, "my in-laws, and most importantly my kids. "During the entire time of me unloading on her, "she didn't seem to show any bit of emotion. "other than her eyes, which were slightly wider than normal. "After I spoke my truth, she straight up asked, "'So if I apologize to everyone, we'll go back to normal?'. "I told her point blank no. "I told her that the comment she made at dinner.

"was not the extent of my problems with her. "I then told her that I know she heavily pressured Sam. "to move out when he wasn't even sure if he wanted to. "at that point in time and that I also know she's now trying. "to do the same with Liz. "I did my absolute best. "to leave my kids outta the situation, but told Amanda. "that the way my kids described her treatment. "towards them was the main reason I don't see a future. "with her anymore. "Amanda was stone-faced up until I told her we were done. "I think that's when the panic set in for her. "She kept saying that she'll apologize to everyone, "that she'll make it right with my kids,

"et cetera, et cetera. "I told her that if she apologizes, "I will certainly appreciate it, "but we were still done either way. "She was full on crying at this point. "and asked me why wasn't I willing to try. "and fix our relationship? "And I told her that even though I loved her, "and I'll be honest, I still love her very much, "I was not willing to take another chance. "of my kids being hurt against the way they were. "I was frustrated and shot back at her, "asking why she was trying to push my kids. "outta their own home. "And I got back an answer I was not at all expecting.

"I was completely shocked at her response. "A lot of commenters actually hit the nail right on the head. "with what Amanda was truly like. "Amanda responded with, "'Well, I didn't know you expected me. "'to house somebody else's kids for the rest of my life.'. "I immediately saw red. "And after about a minute, I told her to get out. "I told her that my kids can go wherever they damn please, "especially in the house that I own and pay for.". - Hell yeah. - "She tried to retaliate, "but in the end ended up packing a few bags.

"and went to stay with one of her friends.". - Good. - "I emailed a copy of the phone recording to myself. "The talk only lasted about 25 minutes, "not nearly as long as the talk I had with my kids. "So if anything ends up coming out of the conversation, "I have all I need to keep my name clear. "I've texted my kids that Amanda is outta the house. "for good, that they're welcome to come home anytime, "and let my son know that if he wants to, "he is more than welcome to move back in completely.". - Aw. - "My daughter is coming back from her brother's place. "in the afternoon, and I still have phone calls to make.

"to my parents and in-laws to apologize. "for this mess of a situation. "Amanda is outta my house, "but keeps blowing up my phone for us, "trying to work things out. "I'll let her come by in the next few days. "so she can collect the rest of her stuff outta my house, "but she's not welcome to live here again. "I'll be honest and say that I am a bit devastated. "Despite everything Amanda did, I still love her, "and I probably won't stop loving her for a minute, "but I'll be okay. "Right now, I just wanna focus on the family that needs me, "and I will use this situation. "as an excuse to bond more with my kids.

"Another big thank you to everyone. "who helped me in the comments. "A lot of the advice you guys gave played a part. "in making things right with my family. "I'll update if anything else big or important happens, "but as of now, I'm taking it one step at a time. "and making it right with my family.". What a-. - Wow. - That guy pretty great. - I love that. - A pretty great dude. - My blood is boiling that she did not apologize. And then she's like, "Well, if I apologize will it be okay?". Like, that's not the problem, Amanda. You clearly don't care about literally anybody.

- It sounds like she was unaware. She just did not have any-. - He dodged a bullet like hardcore. - Yeah. I love though that he still found a way. to just spin it around and just be like, "At least like now, like through this whole situation, "what I might've just gotten out of it though is a chance. "to be closer to my kids.". Which I think is maybe again, just what that family needed, like in a really weird, like in a kind of twisted way, it's like, again, everything that happens brings you.

to the place that you are now, and so maybe all of that needed to happen. so that the three of them could come together. and be stronger. - Right, right. No, I mean, he... Most people I don't think would handle this situation. as well as he did. - [Arasha] Oh my gosh. - I mean, he really, most people would marry that person. - [Chanse] Right. - I would say most do. So really good on him for listening to the right people. and making the right choice. And she confirmed it for him. - Yeah.

- Like, by saying that shit about his kids, it was like, oh, no more doubts. - [Arasha] Definitely. - Holy crap. - Wow. - Well, next story. So this is a 25-year-old woman writing this. "My boyfriend, who's 33, suddenly told me he wants. "to establish traditional gender roles once we get married.". - Okay. - That's it, we don't need to hear anymore. - Woo! - And moving onto our next story. - Yeah, the last one. - "I have been with my boyfriend for three years now, "and it has been wonderful. "We have been talking about marriage lately. "and as it felt right for the both of us.

"Over the course of our relationship, "we often talked about what our goals are. "and what we wanted our future together to look like. "I was always vocal about how I wanted a more equal, "non-traditional relationship. "We both work. "We both don't want children. "I expect to have a joint account with him. "and pay our expenses proportionally based on our income. "I do make more than him, "but I don't mind, since I believe us to be a team. "And for the last three years he's agreed with me, "or so I thought. "These past two to three weeks, "we have been setting a timeline on our wedding plans. "and all, basically talking about all the concrete steps.

"and little details. "And so I asked him again how he wanted our marriage. "to be like but in more detail. "He suddenly told me that he wants us. "to have traditional gender roles, and I was so confused. "These past three years have not been that way. "I'm so confused how he just expects us. "to change after marriage. "I have been dating him. "and wanting to pursue something serious with him. "because I love our current dynamic and he seemed happy too. "I have made it clear since day one. "that I want to maintain what we have now until forever.

"He has never told me that that was not the case for him. "Now, I feel tricked/lied to. "He told me that although I make more of the income, "he wants to be the man of the house, the leader, "and so what he says goes. "He has the final say in the decisions, "and I cannot be questioned.". - What the hell? (Arasha laughs). - "I told him this will lead me to not being heard. "and miserable. "It will make me feel less valued. "He says it's the best way to avoid arguments.

"Sure, less arguments because what I think wouldn't matter, "but I will build resentment, "and then it's no longer a happy marriage.". - There's less arguments. I'm sorry. There's less arguments if I make all the decisions. - We won't argue if I'm the only one who can speak. - Right. If I sew your mouth shut, there's gonna be less arguments. - He's got a point. - He's got a point. - He's got a point. - Technically the truth. "In my previous post, I mentioned that I have seen him. "binge watching alpha male podcasts recently.". I was about to say. I think this dude was red pilled.

- There's no way. - "And I don't know if he has always thought this way. "or if it's recent. "All I know is that my whole body. "is telling me this is not it.". - Right. Listen. - "I cannot marry him. "It sounds like trouble. "But am I correct for thinking this way? "I don't know why, "but the last three years have been so wonderful. "that it's so hard for me to wrap my head around this, "this sudden switch. "Please give me some advice and courage.". Oh, that sucks. I wonder how often that's happening to women nowadays. with all that shit. - With all the podcasts. - Yeah, just men getting convinced of this stuff.

Like, it just sucks. - It's so detrimental. - It's such a bummer. - It goes back to the point that we were saying earlier. as well, where again, you hear something like this. and at first glance it's like, "Oh my god, that's ridiculous. "Like, she needs to leave him again.". But it's still like, no, that's not always who this person was, and it's really hard to shake off all of the hurt. that's happening right now. because of all the memories you had before that. Like, it's a very drastic change, and I feel so bad for her.

because she's definitely navigating a lot of like, "Is this a change that I need to just walk away from. "or is this like just a phase. "Like, what's going on?". - This isn't the first story we've had like this. on "Reddit Stories.". - [Chanse] That's sad. - There's been other ones. There was an insane, I think you were... Chanse, were you there? For the one where they were friends, and suddenly he was just like, "Yeah, you're my girlfriend.". - [Crew] Oh yeah. - And it was like a whole similar type of ideology. of just like, yeah-.

- [Chanse] You're here. - I get to decide that. Like, just fully brainwashed into thinking like, "Women are lesser and I can make decisions for them.". It's unfortunately happening, and it's so awful. - Crazy. - Some comments here. "I would've laughed the entire time I packed.". Someone said, "Seriously, a 33-year-old man child, "so gullible and naive, thinking he's an alpha bro. "LOL to the fall for the red pill. "To fall for the red pill.

"Expect toxicity and childish tantrums from now on. "Just end it and watch him melt down.". Another comment. "It sounds like you never really knew him. "He sounds like he's always been a misogynist. "You just never got a clear and direct answer from him. "You say you were always vocal about what you wanted, "but was he? "You never mentioned if agreed with you. "You said you asked him again, "which shows you never had a solid answer, "yet you both still talked about marriage? "Did you both agree on things. "or was he passively acknowledging? "This doesn't sound like a sudden switch. "This sounds like he was passive,

"and now he's actively acting in his own best interests. "It's just that it's come down to crunch time. "Maybe when you look back at your first interactions. "with him you'll notice the pattern of passivity. "on his part. "Not saying that this is the case or it's on you, "but it's that the signs were always there. "It's just not easy to recognize them. "Women especially are conditioned. "to tolerate a lot of things. "because being single as a woman is the worst thing ever. "to alpha males as it happens. "Be wary of what you think is right for you.

"and what's expected of you to tolerate.". OP responded, "I think you're right actually. "There were many times where he would just nod. "And if I directed a question at him, "he'd answer vaguely to kind of match mine and deflect. "I think that made me think he agreed, "especially since he never said anything opposing it, "and he clearly knew my position. "I think I just expected people to be honest. "and gave him the benefit of the doubt. "I'm naive, I guess. "Thanks for your response.". Yeah. - I think that's definitely an important note. that the person who made that comment made as well,

like it is 1,000% not her fault. Nor is it like, you know, any woman who finds herself. in that situation because yeah, like, these ideas aren't just like crazy and out of nowhere. Like, they clearly were something that-. - [Chanse] Were planted. - It was something that was in place once. - [Chanse] Yeah. - So it's like in a way it was like not crazy at some point. Like, that was something that actually was out there.

So you're right. It's like in a way women are just kind of conditioned. where it's just like, well, as long as we're not actually going back to that, like this is something that's okay. And then you have something straight up in your face, and she's still kind of like, "What do I do?". Instead of being like, "I gotta get outta this." - I need a playbook. Yeah. - Yeah, and also it's like, I don't know. It doesn't seem like she was, yeah, she was letting a lot of things slide. He's clearly watching a bunch of podcasts. and stuff that she wasn't aware of. Like, I mean, if she knows that he's doing any of that.

or watching any of that and consuming that stuff, it's like, okay, that's not lining up with what you agree with me on. And I don't know. I think if these things are this important to you, as I'm sure they are for everyone, it's like, it's not a matter of just saying it. and getting a nod. It's like, kinda should talk it out. and really like hear it from him. 'Cause yeah, this is not the first time. We've also had ones where a guy will just be like, "Yeah, sure, yeah.".

- [Arasha] Right. - And then suddenly it gets down to it and then-. - That just happened in the other story today. - Yeah, no. - Yeah. - It's people who clearly are, you know, thinking, "Oh, well okay, you have your fun little ideas. "But you'll change once we get married.". - And then when they have a point to make, they have it all outlined, and they have plenty of words to share. - [Shayne] Yeah, no, he's a piece of shit. - I feel like I overcompensate like. in like the relationships and friendships that I have. I feel like whenever I have a point to make, I feel like I'm like, "Oh no, let me be clear about this,".

and I also want to receive from other people, like, "Oh yeah, no, definitely.". Otherwise I'm like, "Wait, how do you feel about it though?". - [Shayne] Exactly. - You know? - Yeah, you could say these guys are afraid of the response. that they're gonna get, but I also think it's that they're thinking, "Oh, I know she won't like what I believe, "so we need to get married first so that she has no choice.". - You can't do it that way. - Which is also stupid because once you're married, someone still has a choice. But he's thinking in old school-. - Once I lock it in. - Yeah. - Once it's sealed. - Totally. - Your blood and ink.

- But that's a dangerous person. I mean, really, like anyone who thinks any form of that way, I think is dangerous. - Completely. 'Cause then what else are you going to condone. that is absolutely ridiculous? - All right, update and trigger warning. There is like pressuring sex in this. So if you wanna skip ahead, our last story is going to be. of a lighter tone than this, but let's get into this. "Thank you all for your responses.

"I wanted to update you guys on what happened. "and hopefully answer some of your questions along the way. "I luckily don't live with him or have any shared assets. "He also did explicitly say that he expects me. "to continue working, "so I guess he wanted the best of both worlds. "And before we started dating, "I was hesitant due to our age gap. "I have heard of horror stories, "so I've been very careful about power dynamics. "But he was amazing for the last three years, "so I did put my defenses down eventually. "My friends and family also liked him. "They always said we genuinely seemed happy together. "and complemented each other well.

"Onto what happened. "He came over to my house the night I posted on Reddit, "which isn't unusual. "We spend most nights together after work. "I knew I had to break up but didn't know how to yet. "I was still debating if I should ask him more questions. "or just end it. "And if I end it, do I tell him everything. "or keep it concise? "Luckily he did not suspect anything so far, "so it bought me some time to figure out my next step, "I thought. "As soon as he came in though he tried to initiate intimacy, "and I said no since I was not in the mood, "understandably so.

"He got angry. "He has never done this before. "We have always had a very healthy, "fulfilling sexual relationship. "But now he kept trying to convince me to have sex with him. "and asked me why I was putting my needs over his, "that I can just force myself to do it. "for the sake of our relationship. "I said that I wasn't feeling well. "I know I shouldn't even have to justify though.". - No. - "He said that even if I'm not feeling well, "it's not an excuse. "I was disgusted. "I fell out of love that instant. "I mean, I was already in the process of it, "but this really did it.

"I also felt very unsafe. "I stood my ground, told him that this is not consensual, "and that someone's health is more important. "than his need for sex. "I kept repeating it until he eventually stopped pushing, "but he didn't leave my place until an hour later. "I was afraid to anger him again by telling him to leave, "so I just stayed quiet doing stuff around the apartment. "until he decided to leave. "Luckily, nothing happened to me, but wow. "I told my friends and family everything. "They support me in my decision to break up. "and helped me prepare my speech.

"I asked him to meet me in a public space the next day. "as one of the comments suggested. "My friends were nearby keeping an eye. "He was still angry at me. "because I haven't been talking to him and I refused sex. "He asked me why I expect him to take care of me. "when I'm unwell, but I didn't give him sex yesterday. "I decided to not waste my breath. "in explaining something so basic. "I went on with my breakup speech as prepared, "where I told him everything, how disrespectful he's been, "all the podcast stuff, et cetera. "He suddenly looked so scared.

"and begged me to take him back. "He said he understands what I'm saying. "and that I'm right about the podcast. "and that he will work on it. "He was trying to convince me not to break up, "but I did not believe anything he said. "I held my ground. "and told him there is no room for discussion. "It's over, and I left. "Now I feel a weight lifted, but I am also heartbroken. "I know this was the right thing to do. "I just feel defeated. "I wake up so anxious and feel like crying constantly. "I'm barely eating. "I'm seeing a therapist next week to help cope. "If you guys have words of encouragement.

"and maybe success stories of meeting your person, "I'd love to hear. "Thank you all sincerely. "You all helped me in finding courage and strength. "in my time of need.". - Wow. - Thank God she-. - I love when they thank everybody. - Yeah. - Yeah, thank God she got out. Oh my god. - Yeah. Scary town again. - Scary town, USA. - I would say for anyone, that is an unbelievably instant like get out. - Gone. - Fall outta love immediately. - Get out, get out, go, just go. - Yeah, absolutely. - Any form of that is an immediate leave.

- Oh my god, what a terrible person. - Yeah. - The fact that she had to say it over and over again, I'm like, you're not listening. Clearly you're not listening. - And then he just tries to like flip it. and then just try to be like, "Wait, wait, wait. "I'm so sorry.". - [Shayne] I know. - Too (beep) late. - How delusional this guy was even to himself. - [Arasha] Yeah. - 'Cause he clearly wasn't thinking. it was ever a possibility. - He does not know who he is at all. And this man is 33. Like, he needs to get a grip, he needs to get some help,

and he needs to be, completely just change himself around. - I feel so bad for her too. because she's like talking about, she's like, "You guys have words of encouragement, "maybe success stories of meeting your person.". It's like you're 25, you're fine. Like, you have so much time. You have the rest of your life truly. But you're very young. But I remember how I felt at 25. And you think it's over. - Breakups feel like death. when you're like in your early 20s, 'cause you're like, "Oh my god.".

And again, like there's still that, like, even if it's not like your specific timeline. of getting married, like you're still like in your head, I guess I'll say like personally for me, like I don't want to get married like anytime soon, but I've always grown up with like these numbers in my head. of like before 30 or like your biological clock. or like maybe in your mid-20s, or like my parents got married. when they were like younger than I am right now. Like, there's all of these ideas in your head.

that are floating around. So I mean, breakups in general suck, but a one that lasted like three years, you can't help but, right, the fallacy. You can't help but think all this time was wasted, and it's like, no. - But it wasn't. Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. - It's never wasted. - [Arasha] What the hell? - [Chanse] What the hell? - Even most bad relationships you learn so much. Well, the reality is, and I think this is my take on, it's not necessarily an age gap.

It's that someone in their early 20s, I worry that a lot of guys, especially dudes in their 30s, if they're dating someone who's in their early 20s, it's like, are they into you because of your insecurities? Are they into you. because they think they can pull one over on you? - [Arasha] Yeah. - Because once people are in their, once people have gone through what she, now that she's gone through this, you can't pull that on her anymore. - [Arasha] Yeah. - And I think there's a lot of predatory men out there. who probably immediately recognize that. - That's so true. - And go, "Oh shit, I can't fool her.

"I can't trick her.". - What is all these trickery? - But it's, I mean, it's full on just predatory. - It's not the way. It's not the way. - Yeah, the last thing that I'll say too. With the age gap, it's also not my, I don't think there's a magic number or anything. It's definitely just individual personalities. and maturity levels. - True. - [Shayne] For sure. - What do you know and what does this person know, and are you able to be young together? Are you able to be older together? Like, are you able to just fit. into these different timelines?

- Right. No, I mean, that guy could find a woman in her 30s. that he could find the same way to pull it on her. - [Arasha] Completely. - But I think that's what he was looking for. - Yeah. - I get that sense. - And he was like, "I have this power. "I have this ability.". - Yeah, and he is a coward and he's an asshole. - Like that. (Chanse laughs). - I liked it. - Some comments here. "It's funny how the minute it sunk in. "that his behavior has alienated you, "he began the frantic begging and bargaining. "Well done on remembering you have innate worth. "and self-determination. "You're strong and brave.".

Someone else said, "(beep) yeah, OP. "I remember your post and was one of many. "that encouraged you to get out. "I am so damn proud of you.". - [Arasha] Aw. - Someone said, "I decided to not waste my breath. "in explaining something so basic. "Champion.". - [Chanse] Nice. - Someone said, "Hey, it's not easy to end a serious relationship. "Your investment of time and shared experiences. "and love was not wasted. "It brought you to this place. "You know exactly who you are and what you deserve. "You did good. "Proud of you.". - [Arasha] Aw. - I think this is, I'm not happy she went through any of this,

but like she is double the person. - She's got some tools in the tool belt. - Oh my god, yeah, no, do not fuck with her now. - Lesson learned, experiences. Like, that's all just gonna come in handy for her life. - It's like Bella once she becomes a vampire, - Now we have to move on. (Shayne laughs). - All right, here's our last story, and it is a palate cleanser for us all. So this is a bit of a plot twist. A couple does get married here, just not in the way they expected. (Chanse gasps).

- Ooh. What do you mean? - This comes from Today I (beep) Up. "Today I (beep) up by accidentally getting married. "at the UPS store.". (Arasha laughs) (Chanse gasps). Awesome. - I like it. - So romantic. - Okay, so this is 2021. Spring of 2021. "This happened a couple hours ago. "I recently proposed to my long-term girlfriend. "a couple weeks ago. "Unfortunately, due to the nature of my work, "we have to move soon and have a real wedding before then, "during COVID would be impossible. "I got off work early today, and after getting home,

"my fiancee asked. "if we could go get some paperwork notarized. "for our courthouse wedding we planned to have. "in a month or two. "We hopped in the car. "with a form we printed off the county website. "and drove to the closest UPS. "The notary checked our IDs and had us sign. "And then she signed, notarized the form. "and said, 'Congratulations.'". (Arasha gasps). "Cool. "Now all we have to do is go to the courthouse. "on a day of our choosing to be we. "My fiancee called the courthouse afterwards, "double checking to see if we needed to bring anything else. "And after calling me her boyfriend, "the lady on the phone corrected her by saying husband.

"She then told my fiancee, "our state no longer requires a ceremony. "with the judge at the courthouse. "That form is literally the marriage certificate, "and she is now married. "Whoops. "We had a honeymoon picnic at a park near a lake.". - Aw! - I love how the UPS guy was like, "Congratulations. "Get out." (laughs). - Not like, "Oh, are you guys sure? "Are you doing anything?". - No, he's just there to stamp that paper. - UPS was like, "Congrats. "All right, kiss. "You want some stamps?" - Stop. - Stamps. - Gets out some confetti too.

Like, he could be cute about it. - Oh, that would be so cute. - He gets out one those poppers, just like (blows air). (Chanse laughs). Next. - Oh no, not yet. - It's another couple. They're like fully in... (Shayne laughs). - Stop. - Some comments. "As a former notary/UPS store employee, "this would've made my week, "assuming you guys are nice that is.". OP responded, "Ha ha. I like to think we are. "We're now wondering how many other couples. "have been married in that store.". Someone said, "Congrats. "Ask UPS for the surveillance footage.

"so you can share your big day with your family.". - Oh, that's good. - That's cute. And the man, he needs to come back for the real wedding. and be the officiant. - Yeah. "UPS lady, I ship it.". - Boo. - Stop. - "My wife and I also got married at the UPS store. "on purpose. "Congratulations.". Someone said, "Just wait until Amazon delivers the kids.". - That's good. - Lastly, someone said, "Hi, friend, congratulations on your wedding. "May you have many wonderful years together. "I'd like to make a suggestion. "Today while your feelings are fresh,

"write each other a lovely note to give to the other. "at some point in the future when things are hard. "It'll remind you both why you love each other so much. "Take care. "And again, congratulations.". OP responded, "Excellent suggestion. "We'll definitely do that. "Thank you.". - It's a good thing it was UPS and not FedEx. - Oh! (Chanse and Shayne scream). - Oh my god. Well, that's it. - Now we have literally nothing else to say. - Now we're done. How do we feel?

That was a journey. - [Arasha] That was great one to end on. - It was a journey. - Some episodes I end them and I'm like (sighs). - Yeah, that was heavy. - A lot of people not communicating everything they needed. - It's always communication. - That's always that. - It's always communication. - Well, not always 'cause man number two communicated. He just communicated all the wrong things. - That's true. - Which man was man number two? - The one who was like, he agreed, and then he like faked the document. So sometimes you're just a bad person. - No, you can't communicate three years down the line.

- Yeah. - You need to communicate immediately. - In the moment. - That's not communication. - [Arasha] Right. - Well, thank you both for being here. - Thank you for having us. - Your wise words and your great jokes. Let us know suggestions for themes and subreddits, and go and buy tickets for the live show this Friday. It's going to be insane. (Chanse growls). It's truly like probably the coolest thing we've ever done. We have never put so much effort into something like this.

- That's so exciting. - I know, man. It's like our first, it's our first big thing since Anthony came back. Like, this is our first event. - It's bigger than Anthony coming back. - I know. Frankly, that's old news. - Yeah. - 'Cause now we're gonna kill him. - Yeah. - With jokes. So we'll see you there, and we'll also see you next Saturday back here. Bye! - Bye!