Gay Rights & Gay Wrongs | Reading Reddit Stories

- We are back again. with more absolutely unhinged Reddit stories. The gift that keeps on giving, Reddit. I wanna say I'm thankful for it? I don't know. Anyways, today my guests are Tommy, and Mac is back again. - Hello. - Yeah. (clapping) - Yes. - Thank you guys for being here. The theme for today, I didn't create this theme. This was created by our-. - It's created for us. - Producer, director, Kiana.

- It's our time to shine. - [Tommy] It is. - The theme is gay rights and gay wrongs. - Solid. - Let's just start going. - Let's dive in, baby. - Okay, am I the asshole. for complimenting my brother's boyfriend? - Okay. (Mac chuckling). - Do you think they're the asshole or not? Do you want just go off the bat? - No, basically, I mean-. - No, I think you can compliment someone's-. - For complimenting my brother's boyfriend? - Yeah. - What? Yeah, compliment anyone. You're not an asshole. - Okay. - So I'm excited to see how they are.

- So right now, we have all determined. I agree with you, not the asshole. That seems like a fine thing to. - Shayne, you're an ally, don't worry about it. (all laughing). - I agree. (all laughing). - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever your wife says, it's great. - My brother, who's 21, has a boyfriend who's 23, who is absolutely gorgeous, just a straight up, beautiful man. Not only that, he's funny, kind, sweet, has boyish humor, and is masculine. Like, my brother and I clearly have the same taste in men. However, not only would I never date. anyone my brother's in a relationship with,

his boyfriend is gay, so literally, zero chance anyway. That being said, I compliment him a lot. and play flirt with him. Yesterday, I was just in a playful mood, and really piled it on. I was giving him shoulder rubs, complimenting his facial hair. He's usually clean shaven. I tripped and grabbed his arm to catch myself, and went, "Ooh," and squeezed his arm. (all laughing). - We've all been there. - Yeah. - Then I brought him a soda and said, "Here you go, handsome.". My brother was visibly pissed off, but since I'd done this sort of thing before,

albeit not this much, and he'd never seemed mad, so I thought it was something else. His boyfriend eventually left to pick up some food, and my brother let me have it. I kept explaining that it's just a joke, and he shouldn't be mad. that someone else is complimenting his boyfriend. Am I the asshole? So, obviously this is his sister saying this, 'cause she goes, yeah, his boyfriend wouldn't be into her. Now, what do you guys think after? - No, I like me some compliments.

So go ham, honestly. - If she's being an asshole to her brother, she's not being an to this boyfriend. - Yeah, the boyfriend hasn't said anything, and the brother hasn't said. that the boyfriend said anything, so he was not bothered. - [Tommy] Right. - I think it all sounds funny. Like, I don't know. So I don't have any siblings, so I have no idea. I don't- - I can tell. (all laughing). - Is Mac the asshole? (all laughing).

- So I don't like, understand that dynamic, however, if I had, you know, like, let's say like my best friend. on the planet that like, lived with me or something, and I had a boyfriend over, and she's like, laying it on that ham, that heavy. I would be like, "Do you wanna (bleep) my boyfriend?". (all laughing). I'm like, it's just, it's a little too, I think it feels like too many times, too far. - It's just a lot. - It's a lot. - The tripped and grabbed his arm to catch myself and going, "Ooh," and squeezing his arm.

It also just kind of, I don't know, I guess it reads to me. kind of like an aunt, like what aunt might playfully do to people. Like, I don't know. It doesn't come across like, actually trying to do anything. It comes across to me as a joke. Obviously, there's no goal. She admits like, this guy is not gonna ever be into her, so it is all just for fun. - Okay, let me put this out there. If a gay, okay, so let's swap all gender here, and so it's a straight couple. It's a girlfriend and her boyfriend, and I'm the gay brother, and I'm play flirting with that boyfriend.

We're getting into gross territory. We're getting into like, ew, hey, you're not gonna (bleep) my boyfriend kind of thing. You know what I mean? - [Shayne] Yeah. - But she seems more like, she's like, "Oh dear, oh," you know? - That's how I'm reading it, and honestly, even if you swap genders and stuff, I still, if it's in that kind of way, I think it's funny. Anyways, the comments are very much thinking. that she's an asshole. - Okay. - People are saying you're the asshole.

You're probably making the guy feel really uncomfortable. with your overly excessive touching and sexual advances. If it's a joke, what's the punchline? Someone said as a straight man, I don't get to go to gay clubs and get all handsy. with the women just because they're gay. - Huh? - What? - Like, yeah, like, a straight man wouldn't go to a gay club. with women who are gay and be all handsy with them, and be like, "Oh, but I'm not actually.". I don't know, it's still-. - Got it. - OP, those would be strangers, not someone.

who is hopefully your future brother-in-law. and is already good friends with you. That has 1,000 down votes. (all laughing). Yeah, the chat, the comment section was. very much against this woman. Yeah, my interpretation is not the asshole. - Yeah, not the asshole, but if there's boundaries, there's boundaries, I guess. - Yeah, this is too like, gray area. - Yeah, you know, there's a point written down here of like, you know, the lack of boundaries some straight people have. when interacting with a gay person.

- I was gonna say that that is a problem sometimes. Sometimes some cis women will be like, "Ooh, gay people, my playthings,". and if it's going into that territory, then I can see where the noise is coming from. - The amount of people that I stopped being friends with. when they said the words, like, "I love my gays,". then I was like, "You're done.". (all laughing). - You know what, actually, though? My interpretation is as a brother and sister too, is like, if your brother says, "Hey, like, this is making me uncomfortable, like, this is my partner,". then she should respect that. - Yeah, you answer to that. - Yeah, and hopefully, she does.

If she continues after he gets mad at her, then she's absolutely an asshole. - [Tommy] Yeah. - She can learn from this. - All right. - And that's the T. - And that's the T. - All right, moving on. (all laughing). Here's our next story. This comes from r/TrueOffMyChest. I'm not gay enough for the gays. - Did I write this? (all laughing). - My husband and I are at a friend's house.

to watch "RuPaul's Drag Race.". - Oh, here we go. - Everyone else is talking about some drag queen. I have no idea what's going on. I just smile and say, "work" every few minutes. (all laughing). - That's how you do it, though. That's it. - I've felt this way for decades. I've accepted my fate. I hope I'm never found out. All this just to (bleep) men. Edit, for the record, I like "Drag Race.". I enjoy it, but I can't hang on the higher level discourse. Definitely don't need new friends.

Definitely not ones who are into sports, LOL. I was also hitting the Chardonnay pretty hard, and it was a conversation in two languages. Thank you all for the love and support. (all laughing). - Conversation in two languages. - We got some comments here. The gay high council has decided that you are not gay enough. to join this council. For real though, you either like dick or you don't. It's not that hard. I've received judgment from other queer people,

particularly the gay guys for some reason, because I'm a lesbian, but I look straight. I'm quite feminine and always have been, and for some reason, that means I don't deserve. to be attracted to women or something. Like, I've been openly laughed at and humiliated for it. I think it's ironic of this community for disrespecting. people who don't seem to fit in to it. It's okay not to be into the stereotypical stuff. and just be gay. Well, there's plenty of us who feel the same. Someone said the modern Kinsey scale, zero, man having sex with a woman, point five, man having sex with a man,

six, "RuPaul's Drag Race.". - 10. - 10. Yeah, any thoughts on that one? - This is always the conversation online. Like, "Oh, I don't watch 'Drag Race.'. I'm gay, but I'm not 'Drag Race' gay.". That's what they say. - Right. Yeah. - Which, I guess that's the new Kinsey scale. I don't know what to say about it. I mean, it's, I'm sorry you feel that way, dude. - Well, yeah, you said you relate, like you-. - I mean, but I love "Drag Race,". and I know all the drag queens. It's like, if that's the singular thing.

that like, makes me more gay or less gay, then cool. - Have you ever been accused of not being gay enough? Have you ever, I don't know. - No, however, there's some gay culture stuff. that I don't like, relate to, and so in that way, but that kind of is just more like a insecurity vibe, because it's like, no one is going, "You're not gay enough.". - [Shayne] Yeah. - I'm just like, "Do I fit in in this culture?". But it's like, (bleep).

(all laughing). It's like, I fit in just fine. - Sure, nobody at this event is like, judging him. - Right. - Like, he could probably say, "Oh yeah, I don't really get it," and they'd be like, "Okay, that's fine.". - I mean, yeah, it's mostly insecurities, and I'm like, maybe one comment here and there will, because of your insecurities, push you over the edge. and makes you feel frustrated. - Right. - But yeah, get over it. - Yeah, get over it. - If you don't wanna watch "Drag Race,". don't watch "Drag Race.". Watch, what else is out there? - "Ted Lasso.". - [Tommy and Mac] "Ted Lasso.". - Yeah, you know?

- Drink some milk. (all laughing). - And my favorite line is when he said. the Chardonnay made them speak two different languages. Like, as soon as that Chardonnay hit, it was like, okay, girl, perp, cis, yeah, mwah, mwah, mwah, auntie, ooh, death drop. - I just like the idea of him sitting there. just after every now and then, just like, "Work.". (all laughing). - Just so serious, like. - [Mac] Work, work, work. - That feels like what if I was in his situation. sitting there, I'd be like, "Yeah, work.". - Yes, she did, in fact, slay.

- [Shayne] Wow. - Like impressed. (all laughing). - Am I the asshole for not letting my girlfriend wear. her unique dress to a wedding? Okay, wedding stuff is always great. Throw away account because she uses Reddit. This is a 25 year old man. My girlfriend who's 30, Nat, has a very particular sense of style. Picture Harper Finkle from" Wizards of Waverly Place.". You will get the idea. Don't get me wrong, I never had a problem with that.

In fact, I love the way she dresses. because she loves to do so, and I am happy if she is happy. The thing is, sometimes she likes. to incorporate memes into her clothes. No problem, it's cute, but now she wants to wear a dress inspired. by the meme gay rat wedding to my friend's wedding. He and his fiance are gay. I told her maybe that is not really appropriate. (all laughing). - An ally. - I think I've seen this meme.

Could you describe this meme as best as possible? - It's "Arthur," right? - Two rats on "Arthur" got married. Two gay rats got married. - In the last season, the two gay, like, the teacher and the like, other-. - And there was like, there was a bunch of Facebook posts. from like mothers and like, conservatives about like, "Oh, this gay rat wedding," (all laughing). and so it became the meme gay rat wedding. - Gay rat wedding. - Yeah. - I love hearing about this, because I definitely heard a lot about that. It's same with "The Babadook" stuff that happened, where I just feel like I hear about these things. I'm like, that's (bleep) hilarious.

The dress in question would be full of little stuffed rats, pride flags, and a big, I support gay rats on the front. (all laughing). - Whoa, we really went. (all laughing). - Wow. (all laughing). For the people. (all laughing) - For the people. - Whoa. - My friend is not a big fan. of the way my girlfriend dresses, and I think this dress may cause. a certain uproar in the wedding. Now Nat is upset with me and claiming.

that I am throwing water in her flame of creativity. The wedding is next month, so she has plenty of time. to think about another thing to wear. Should I just let her go with the dress? Am I the asshole in this situation? - She said the gays love me. - That's part of this. - Stuffed rats? (all laughing). - Here's why she's the asshole. It's not her wedding. - [Mac] It's not her wedding. - Why are you dressed like that? - I was gonna say you're the asshole if you're thinking.

of like, I'm gonna do something crazy. with my outfit to a wedding. You shouldn't be trying to gain-. - A gay wedding. - A bunch of attention. at a wedding. - [Tommy] Exactly. - The point is just like, I'm gonna look nice. I'm gonna look like-. - Respect the wedding. - Yeah, for them. This feels like she's trying to draw. a lot of attention her way. - Oh, my God. - So I support gay rats, hoo. - I mean, save it for pride, though. - Yeah, she could. - I mean like-. - She'll kill that pride, yeah. (all laughing). - If you want to be a loony tune, like, we got a month for you. - So someone said not the asshole.

That's very inappropriate for a wedding, not to mention kinda insulting. People need to understand they're basically NPCs. at a wedding unless they're immediately close. with the bride and groom, and even then, they're just background characters. - Yep. - Exactly. I do not think she is necessarily homophobic, just oblivious. The gay rat wedding is in reference. to Mr. Ratburn from "Arthur.". I can see someone obsessed with memes, thinking others would find it funny or cute, and see it as being supportive, but in reality, it is not.

If she does it after being told how hurtful it it would be, then yeah, she's definitely doing it to be homophobic. There's an update. Well guys, as many of you pointed out in the comments, me getting a throwaway account didn't help. She found the post. Guess I was too specific after all. I will update soon. Yeah, I guess the problem is. probably not many other people were making-. - Gay rat. - Rats. - Gay rat dresses. (all laughing). No, no, that someone else that was doing a gay rat dress. (Mac laughing). There's a final update. - Oh. - Hello, everyone. I would like to thank you all for your judgment,

advice, and opinions on my post. It was greatly appreciated. So the conversation did not go well. - Oh no. - She was livid with me for exposing her in this way, and although I showed her in the comments, most important, the ones from the LGBTQIA community, she refused to admit that her dress was a poor choice, but in fact, her way to appreciate the gays. That did not sit well with me. Love can move mountains, but cannot maintain a relationship with a homophobic, so now I'm going to the wedding. as a single rat-free dress man.

I did reach out to my friend and send him this post. He thought the situation to be hilarious, but if she did show up in the dress, he would def kick us to the curb. I guess this is all. - This is the second Reddit story you've read in front of me. where they've broken up because of the story. The fact that she stood her ground after it-. - She really stood her ground. - That's like, okay. - And said, I appreciate the gays. - Yep, she used my favorite term, the gays. - It's kind of not as severe, have you ever been dating someone or even been friends.

with someone that you had to tell 'em like, their sense of style or something was a little bit much or? I feel like all of us are people who are not bothered. by how people dress. This is obviously an extreme case. Have you ever had to tell someone, like, if you're going. to an event, if they were dressing some way to be like, "Hey, you can't, you shouldn't.". - No, I've never been in that spot with my-. - It's a rough situation. I would not be good in that situation. - So I wasn't good in that situation. I was going to a wedding, and I hadn't bought nice dress clothes in forever,

because there was never a reason to, and then turns out if you're an adult person, you should probably have dress clothes on you just in case. So I had to do like, a last minute shopping spree, and I have a friend who dresses like a cartoon person. all the time, and I was taking advice from him, 'cause I was like, I don't know. And he's like, "This tie is great, this looks great,". and I'm like, "Yeah.". And so like, I presented, I was like, "This is what I'm wearing, what do you think?". And he was like, "That tie's a little too ridiculous. You look like a teacher.". And so at first I was like, "What?

I just went shopping," and then I just had to be like, "Yeah, you know, I actually dunno what I'm doing.". So I just had to swallow my pride, but yes, it does. You just have to swallow. You have to be like- - Swallow your pride. - I don't, you're right. I don't know what I'm doing. You have to default to the opinions of other people. - Yeah, and you mentioned like, that would be great at pride, but even then, I guess just, I'm curious like, if a straight person was wearing something like that. to even, to pride, would you be like, is that okay? - It's a pride, yes, yeah, 'cause it's a meme,

but if someone showed up dressed as a meme to my wedding, I would kick 'em out. - Oh, the wedding is for sure. I just didn't know is there other situations. where she could wear that dress and you'd be like, "That's fine, that's funny.". - She could, I mean, she could wear it on a Tuesday. Just like, whatever, and I'd be like, "Ha, that's crazy.". You know, I'm fine with it. - You would get a little snort laugh for memes, and then we'll move on more the lives. Yeah, gay rats broke up a relationship. - That's pretty wild. All right, today I (bleep) up telling my dad. I have never had sex.

This is a 20 year old man. A few days ago, I decided to visit my dad at his house. It was his birthday. I showed up with wine. We got a little drunk, maybe more than a little. When my dad was done going on and on. about how much he missed my mom since she divorced him, he changed the subject and focused on my love life. He asked if I had a girlfriend and I said no. Then he asked if I've ever had a girlfriend, because he's never seen me with a girl. I said never. My dad poured the last drop of wine in my glass. and asked if I was still a virgin. I was tempted to lie, but I paused too long, so I said yes.

My dad said I had no reason to feel ashamed. about my virginity, but encouraged me to have as much sex. as possible before I end up married to a person. whose vagina comes with an impenetrable encryption. (audience laughing). I ignored the obvious reference to my mom's you know what, and called it a night. (audience laughing). - This family is (bleep). (all laughing) Sorry. - This is a Resident Evil family.

(all laughing). I asked my dad if I was allowed to sleep. in the spare bedroom. because I didn't want to drive home drunk. My dad said I was more than welcome. I must have been sleeping for less than an hour. before I woke up to the sound. of my dad knocking on the door. - Oh no. - I don't remember what I mumbled as I opened my eyes, but the moment my dad heard my voice, he entered my room with another person. - [Mac] Oh no. - It was a girl. My dad introduced her by name, but did the air quotes thing. with his fingers to imply that it was a fake name. I could tell my dad was still drunk. - [Mac] Oh no. - Exhibit A,

he continued making the air quote gesture. even when it was no longer necessary. Not gonna lie, I was still drunk too, but not drunk enough to disregard the weird (bleep). that was happening. Without giving me proper time to react, my dad quickly said the girl knew exactly what to do. before closing the door on his way out. The girl did not know what to do. She did nothing other than awkwardly waiting. for me to say something. I eventually asked her what was going on, and she said my dad hired her to sleep with me. I died of embarrassment, especially when the girl asked me.

to explain if I was on the zero experience. or the some experience end of the virgin spectrum. Without thinking, I said I was gay. It was the first time I actually said it out loud. The girl sat down on the bed. and asked if I was a top or a bottom. I shrugged and said, I didn't know yet. (all laughing). My face must have been so red at that moment. The girl said if I was willing to go shower, then she would basically be willing to motorboat my butt. (all laughing) (Mac guffawing).

- Okay. (Mac guffawing). - I'm using that terminology next time. - Motorboat my butt. - [Mac] What an adventure. - To be honest, I considered it. I'm human, I'm horny, however, the situation was way too weird for me. to be completely comfortable doing something that sexual. with someone I didn't know at all. I said thank you, but no thank you to the girl,

and apologized for my dad putting both of us. in an awkward position. She said she understood, and for some reason, thought it was necessary to mention. that my dad was one of their regular customers. - Are we surprised? - She made it clear for the record. that she never had sex with my dad, but explained. that some of her older coworkers. at the escort service really enjoyed spending time with him. She said she can't wait to tell the other sex workers. that she met me, because apparently my dad loves to talk.

about his son with the people he pays to (bleep). (audience laughing). I was not psychologically prepared. for the unexpected discussion regarding my dad's sex life. The girl had a severe case of motor mouth. When she finally stopped talking, I learned that my dad sleeps with sex workers. who kind of look like my mom, and that women closing their eyes with too much food. in their mouth and saying, "Hmm" turns him on. (audience laughing). You'd think at some point he'd have been like, "You know what, we should stop. We don't need to talk anymore.".

That is so specific. The girl apologized for abusing my good listening skills, and asked if there was nothing she could do for me. I said she could keep my sexuality between the two of us. She said her lips were sealed. until the time comes to suck (bleep). - Meme. (all laughing). - My dad was passed out in the living room. when we approached the front door. I went back to the bed when the girl was gone,

and eventually fell asleep. The following morning, I confronted my dad. I said I didn't appreciate what he did, and made sure he understood. that he wasted his money, because nothing happened. My dad was apologetic, and promised never to cross that line again, no matter how much alcohol was involved. Despite his apology, the mood was still somewhat tense. I decided to break the tension by closing my eyes. and saying, "Hmm" while eating breakfast. (audience laughing). The look on my dad's face was priceless. I lost my appetite soon afterwards,

because I instantly regretted doing something. that might arouse my father. Oh, my God. - The layers. - That's crazy. The comments here, the only thing I'm confused about is if you are actually gay. and decided to just admit it or if you lied about it. because of how awkward the situation was. No offense intended in mind, just curious. I was being honest about my sexuality. I never planned to share that information. with the sex worker, but I panicked and acted. without really thinking. Strange enough, when she offered to play with my butt,

I did get a little turned on, which is kind of confusing, because I've never been sexually attracted. to the opposite sex. If I learned anything from this experience, it's that I should probably stop focusing on labels. - And start playing with his butt. - Yeah, you know, let someone motorboat your butt. This kid is a serious comedian. The delivery is just spot on. I'm giggling like an idiot 15 minutes later. Someone else said don't know if you're a top or bottom? Let's find out.

It's rare to find a professional. who still has enthusiasm for the craft. (all laughing). Okay, quick question, do you guys feel comfortable, or have you ever talked. about your love life with your parents? - Not really, no. - Yeah, God, no. I never would. - I mean, like, there's something wrong with that guy. That is like, not okay. Yeah, I mean like, I don't talk about like, (bleep), but I talk about, you know, my love life. You know, we're like, you know, "How's Kevin?". I'm like, "He's okay.".

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, the relationship, but I guess the sex life stuff? - No. - I think some people do, and I can't fathom it. - Yeah. - This is crazy. - The G-forces in this story was-. - Oh my god, we have a huge update here. - Oh, God. - Oh no. - Update, today I (bleep) up expecting a sex worker. to keep what happened between us private. (audience laughing). The inevitable happened. The sex worker my dad hired to terminate my virginity. in the dead of night did not keep her mouth shut.

(imitates gunfire) (all laughing). I know, I should have seen it coming. When I shared my original post, I was convinced my dad didn't know I was gay. I never said anything to anyone about my sexuality. other than to the sex worker who teamed up with my father. to unexpectedly put me in a vulnerable position. My dad and I have been avoiding each other since that night. Not gonna lie, I was okay with that. We needed space. The words divorced dad, virgin son, and sex worker should never be in the same sentence. - Thank you. (Mac laughing). - This morning my dad showed up at my apartment,

unusual, but not surprising. He was courteous enough to call beforehand, asked if I was available, said he wanted to talk. I assumed he was still feeling bad about ambushing me. with a sex worker and wanted to make sure. that our relationship was intact. Little did I know that my dad's primary objective was. to establish if his 20 year old son was sexually attracted. to other people's 20 year old sons. As soon as my dad made himself at home in my living room, he asked if we were alone. I said my roommate was at the gym. My dad's response was to drop the following line.

Sharing an apartment with a guy. who works out must be motivating. Slow clap, subtle as (bleep), my father. He didn't even need to wink at the camera. My dad asked if my roommate had a girlfriend. I implied that he had girls that come and go. My dad said my roommate must be handsome. to get so much attention. I shrugged and said, "Or he is paying for it.". It was a joke, an uncomfortable joke, based on my dad's disturbed expression. My dad said he could explain the sex workers. and answer all my questions if I was prepared to listen.

I said it was none of my business, and he didn't owe me an explanation, but I did suggest that he at least considered therapy. My dad said he was proud of the person I've become, and promised to think about my suggestion. As wholesome as that moment was, the gay elephant was still in the room, so I awkwardly asked my dad if he recently communicated. with the sex worker he hired to sleep with me. My dad said no because he wanted to respect my privacy. and avoid crossing the line again. Based on all the random references.

to my roommate's attractiveness, I was convinced my dad heard I was gay. from one of the other sex workers who heard it. from the sex worker with the motor mouth. We danced around the topic of my sexuality. for a little longer because it was still a big moment, despite all the weird (bleep) that happened the last time. my dad and I were under the same roof. I eventually came out and said, "Dad, I'm gay.". My dad stood up and showed me he was wearing socks. with rainbow stripes to celebrate the news. (chuckles). (audience laughing). I didn't even notice his socks.

until he lifted the leg opening of his pants. He said it was a gift from the sex workers. He had another pair of rainbow socks in his pocket, which he gave to me when we were done hugging. I suppose the outcome could have been been worse. I doubt there will be another update, so thank you for riding this wave with me. - I relate to this, 'cause I was dating my boyfriend. before he came out of the closet, and when he came out. of the closet, his mom gives us rainbow socks, so-. - Oh, really? - You know, it's the bridge of allyship, you know?

(all laughing). - It all starts with the feet. - It all starts with the feet. - That's the first test when you tell your parents. your gay, it like, "Do they have the socks on? Are they gonna give me the socks?". - This Florida project-ass family needs to like, take a breather. I'm glad it ended well for them. - Is this dad a good dad or a bad dad? Because it really, there's levels on this. Like, he was ultimately like, awesome at the end, but boy, there's some-. - This is a dad with no boundaries. That can lead to a lot of trauma.

- This is a dad of extremes. He's extremely everything. - It feels like he's got good intentions, but he doesn't know what he's doing. He's just kind of like, "Oh yeah, (bleep), here you go.". It's like, wake up, you know? I don't know. - Comment said weirdly wholesome, and yet so, so awkward. I mean, there are worse reactions to people coming out. It's nice that the dad accepted him, although. the OP would've preferred a less scarring way to come out. Someone said, well, the dad is five kinds of (bleep) up,

but at least he's an ally, I guess? That, my gosh, that could be a movie. - Yeah. - That was a lot. - That was a lot. - [Shayne] A lot going on. That really could, boy. - "Me and My Escort.". (all laughing). - I feel like the assholes so far, we haven't gotten like, extremely awful assholes. Am I right for saying that? I feel like these are just very oblivious people. - Yeah, it's people not reading the room, not, you know, answering to societal norms, stuff like that. (Mac laughing).

- Am I the asshole for not having my niece be. the flower girl at our wedding? First sentence is, I am bi, hence the username. Username is token bi friend, so I am a woman, the person I am engaged to is also a woman. This is relevant because my sister Amanda hates both things. She and her husband John are both homophobic. So during the process of planning our wedding party. for our wedding next May, the idea of having my niece be. the flower girl was never even brought up. Instead, we pretty quickly chose. my fiance's little cousin for that role.

My sister found out that her daughter isn't going to be. the flower girl, and is absolutely livid about it. She insisted that my fiance, Jane, had forced me to choose. her cousin over my niece, that my niece was the obvious choice and I should change it. You may say, "Why not just have two flower girls?". Well, I suggested that as a compromise to Amanda, but she hates that idea too. The main issue I have with making my niece. the flower girl is that I can't be sure. she will even be there. To be honest, I didn't even know until recently.

if they would even come to the wedding at all. Still not sure, honestly. Their tolerance levels fluctuate on who they've been around, and even if they did, I would have assumed. they wouldn't want their daughter a part of it. Who knows if everything will be fine leading up. to the wedding and then the day of, Amanda and John decide to be homophobic? I know I sure don't. Somehow, my sister has gotten my parents on her side, and my mom says I'm being bitter. because I wasn't invited to my sister's wedding. I'm pretty sure that's not it,

though I was hurt at the time to not be invited. Part of me still is, but I don't think I would try to punish. my niece over it, which seems to be. what my mom is trying to imply. I just, I don't understand like, not inviting someone. to your wedding, but then feeling like you have jurisdiction. over their wedding. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's crazy. The OP responded to some comments. Was your mom against two flower girls? Oh no, sorry, my mom thought. the two flower girls option was fine, but she adores my niece, which is fair, I do too, so I know that her bias has at least some part to do.

with her siding with my sis, and to be fair, my mom also was upset about me not getting invited. to my sister's wedding. More about my sis, I don't know, I didn't come out. until I was 20, and she was my best friend up to that point. Like I said, their tolerance fluctuates. Some days are better. It's been almost 10 years, and I just got used to it, I guess. It helps that no one else. in my family is the same way, but I also hope she stops being that way someday. - Well, respect is a two-way street, and if I'm not invited into your wedding, then no,

I'm not gonna, you can't control my wedding at all. - No, that seems completely fair. That's, I don't know, I can't fathom this. Obviously, I have no personal, like, I don't know. It's also tough for me. It must be so hard to like, your best friend, your sister to suddenly just like, flip on you. - [Tommy] Yeah. - Must be rough, I mean, I don't know. What do you think about her continuing to like, maintain. a friendship and relationship with her sister,

despite her sister clearly being such an asshole? - I mean, it's tough when it's family, because it's like, you know, that's the hardest thing to like, let go of or separate yourself from, however, I mean, I'm lucky that I have a very small family, and they're all accepting, so this didn't happen. But many people who have siblings, parents, whatever that are, you know, like, they reject people, like, they're homophobic or whatever. I have friends who got married and the parents were like, "Well, I don't accept that you are having like,

a lesbian wedding," and they were like, "Great, well, then you're not coming to the wedding,". and they were like, "Oh, oh,". and then by the time the wedding happened they were like, you know, like, them being forced out. of the narrative made them like, reconsider. why they didn't want to come, and then they were just like, you know, "We are sorry that we were homophobic. Like, we want to be at your wedding, you're our daughter.". You know what I mean? So it's like, that path happens often, where it's like you have to be like, "Well, fuck you then," and then they go, "Man, maybe it's not as deep.". - Yeah. It is sad that it requires so many people to like,

literally have it be right in front of them, someone they care about to suddenly be like, "Oh, this is fucked up, what I'm doing," like, you know? Damn, well, there's an update. - Okay. - It's 2.5 years later. - Oh my god. - Oh. - Hello, everyone, a few years ago I posted this here. on AmItheAsshole about my sister making a fuss. about my niece not being the flower girl at my wedding. No one has asked for it, but I wanted to share. this update anyway because you guys really helped out a lot. So I took a few people's advice about having both my niece.

and my then fiance's now wife's cousin being the flower girl. without letting my sister know there would be two. The day of the wedding, and only my sister and niece showed up. Brother-in-law was nowhere to be seen. My sister was a little surprised about the two flower girls, but then surprised me even more by talking. about how having two was such a cute idea. My sister was super sweet all through the reception, and I felt like I had my old sister back, which was so, so, so nice.

We had a chance to talk in a way that we hadn't in years, and we spent a little time going over. the whole flower girl thing, and my sister was embarrassed and apologized. Without getting too much into things, my sister left my brother a few months after our wedding, and she confided in me that part of her decision came. from seeing how differently my wife interacted with me. and our family members when compared to her husband. Basically, ex-brother-in-law was not a good person. to my sister, an understatement, and she is so much happier now. She's like she was at the reception, like my old sister,

who is full of life, and caring and sweet, and an absolute awesome mom. But the biggest reason why I wanted to share this update was. because my sister and I have had a lot of long talks. since the wedding and the whole flower girl ordeal. All of it stemmed from my ex-brother-in-law. and his assholeishness, I think. - Assholisms. - Assholisms. He did plan on causing a scene by not allowing my sister. or my niece to come to the wedding. Apparently, it was like a three hour fight. before my sister was able to leave for the ceremony.

The biggest surprise came when we had a long talk. after her divorce started. Me, my sister, and my wife, and my sister kept asking. a lot of questions, most of them centered. around us being women who are bi or attracted to women. The next night, my sister came out as bi to the both of us. - Yep. - Three weeks after that, without knowing our sister came out, our younger brother came out to the family as pan. Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice. and their kind words. I have my best friend and sister back, I am so very happily married to the most awesome woman.

in the world, and I get to go with my best friend, my awesome wife, and our super cool pan brother. to pride this year. Things get better, and it's okay. to give people you love a chance, woo. - It's a party in the family. - Damn. - Yeah. That got me like really emotional, though. - That was crazy. I was like, oh my gosh, and the brother's like, "And also.". (all laughing). Some comments here, some more about this sister and her ex, and sister not inviting her to the wedding.

That's still an ouch area for us, but 100% because. of the influence of her ex for the no invite. I'll probably be maid of honor at the next wedding. On a serious note, from our discussions afterwards, there was a lot of internalized homophobia that developed. when she was first questioning. It got worse over time. I think my own coming out actually triggered it. to get worse, and then she met her now ex, and he really did make it exponentially worse, because he would feed into those internalized feelings. and make her feel worse and worse. And part of her own actions and words were, I'm sure,

to play into the narrative that her ex established. It kept the peace at home behind closed doors, and he got into her head so bad, she probably started believing it herself at some point. Has sis apologized for leaving you out of her wedding? Yes, she has. There was a lot of painful discussions and healing. that I chose to leave out of the update. for the sake of brevity. Maybe I scapegoat my ex-brother-in-law for things. that I know my sister did participate in, but again, without getting into too much, because it is her story to tell and not mine,

he got in her head and changed some wires. Fear and manipulation and control can make you do. some crazy things, and that man had a way of instilling fear. and manipulation and terrible control over her. I only wish that she hadn't had to live like that. for as long as she did, and thank you, I'm so very happy to have her back. - Whew, this person is mentally healthy as (bleep). - Yeah, man, God damn. - Good on this person, like, holy cow. - Okay, she also added once my sister came out to the rest. of the family, it felt a little like that Spider-Man meme. with her and our brother pointing at each other. (chuckles).

Oh, man, question I guess to pose here is like, have you ever, at any moment in your life, have you suddenly realized that you were surrounded. by more queer people than you thought? 'Cause this happened to her where she suddenly went. from being the one gay sibling to suddenly all of 'em. - Defy arrow "Smosh.". I was like, is it just me? And then like, Mythical happened, and I was like, is it just? (imitates shooting) (all laughing).

And then, you know, it was just like, oh, there's just like the four of us. Then it was like, wait, no, we got a gay-ass company. So that definitely was like, a big fun time. - Nice. - Yeah, but not in any other setting that I can remember. - Do you have any gay siblings? - I wish, what a vibe. (all laughing). - What a vibe. - We can share secrets. (all laughing). - Usually I like to kind of keep track. of who's the biggest asshole, and it feels. like the ex-brother-in-law is the biggest asshole.

That guy's a monster. - Yeah. - Okay, next story, r/TrueOffMyChest, I'm so tired of pretending my brother-in-law isn't gay. (Tommy laughing). I have no problem with gay people. If he came out, absolutely nothing would change. between us or his family. He lives with his boyfriend, and they're openly trying to adopt a baby together. They share a damn bed in a two bedroom house. They still tell everyone that they're just friends, and pretend to be looking for girlfriends, while neither have ever even asked a girl out. in their lives. How long am I supposed to go along with this?

I know it's rude to out someone, but it's just so annoying hearing them act offended. when a stranger or new acquaintance correctly assumes. they're a couple. Someone's commented, just really-. - That was it? - This is a short one. - That's it? (all laughing). - I was hoping for like an ending, like, a resolution. - Someone commented, just really good friends who are being frugal. They sleep in the same bed to save on the heating bill. Someone said, I'm genuinely curious, why does it bug you? Is it because you can't call them boyfriends? I don't know if I've ever witnessed that personally of like,

someone literally being a couple. Like, are they even, they were talking about-. - Like, being a couple, trying to adopt a child? - They're trying to adopt a baby together, but they're like, yeah, but we're just friends. - Sorry, what are we talking about? - That's what this guy was saying. So he is saying his brother-. - They're trying to adopt a baby? - They're trying to adopt a child, but they're just friends. - But they're just friends. - History will say they're best friends. - I have no problem with gay people. If he came out, absolutely nothing would change. between us or his family. He lives with his boyfriend, but he says his friend,

and they're openly trying to adopt a baby together. They share a damn bed in a two bedroom house. They still tell everyone that they're just friends, and pretend to be looking for girlfriends, while neither have ever even asked a girl out. in their lives. - While sharing a bed. - While sharing a bed in a two bedroom. - Looking for girlfriends. - Some people, you need to just let 'em do it. When I was growing up, and like, still to this day, my parents are best friends with them, across the street, I had lesbian neighbors.

Now, they've lived together for 40 years, and they're these two, I mean they're like, hey, you know? They're just like, (Mac laughing). they're like, "Tommy, yeah," you know? - Totally, I get what you're saying. - Yeah, and it's, you know, they're-. - That's the level of lesbian there. - They're like-. - Hey. (all laughing). - I'm just saying like, on paper, you're like, you're, uh-huh. - Like they're very hey lesbian, okay. - You know, they're that level of lesbian. where their old Italian men. - Exactly. - [All] Hey.

- We were always just like, yeah, of course. They're like our lesbian neighbors, whatever, cool. And then one point we were, I forget, it just came up so like lightly, we were just like, yeah, so when you two like, I don't know. I don't even how we just basically, we were just like, so you're a couple in the way that? And they both went, "What?". We were like, "What?". (all laughing). Everyone went, "Oh no, are we wrong?". And it's like, they share a bed, they have a house together, they have dogs together, and it's like,

we don't know what's happening in the bed, and if you know, it's maybe just like a, that's not the label we want thing, I don't know. - That's fair. - And you just have to be like, sure, you know what? Whatever, let's play poker and drink, and that's what my parents do with them and it's fun. - Yeah, but maybe they're just so afraid. of like, the reaction that they're just like, "No, no, no, absolutely not.". - What about this, what if they're actually not gay? Is that possible? - What if they're just two buddies? - They just share a bed because it's cheaper. in a two bedroom apartment.

(overlapping speech). - Let's adopt a baby together. I gotta be honest, if two straight dudes living in a house. together wanted to adopt a baby, I'd be like, I don't know about that. Like, two straight dudes who are just friends? - That sounds like a Seth Rogen film. - It really does sound like it, really does. You know what's tough is he's talking. about his brother-in-law. The issue is we don't know about the other perspectives. from the rest of the family in this, and like, we don't really know, maybe the brother-in-law has. a better inkling of like, what this might be like in the family.

- I feel like it's more telling 'cause the first sentence. that it starts with, I have no problem with gay people. I feel like that kind of shapes. how the family dynamic might be. - Totally. - To start that out. Maybe it is a deeper situation. - 'Cause it might also be like, they're not gonna get shunned, but they just don't wanna be treated differently. Like, they just wanna like, hey, like, can we just keep things as they are? And they're worried if they put the label on it. that it's gonna be become a whole thing. Everyone's gonna be wearing rainbow socks. (all laughing) It's just situation.

- That's honestly probably what it is. They're just trying not to ruffle the feathers. They've found a line that they can stay at. and not cause any problems, so they're gonna stay there. - Interesting. - No assholes there. - Maybe we'll get an update at some point. that they're just friends. Okay, another TrueOffMyChest. I regret giving my trans husband the money. for his bottom surgery. - Oh. - Okay, this is on a throwaway account. because I can foresee all the transphobic comments.

that I want no association with on my main account, and I don't condone or agree with any of them. I, a 42 year old man, have been married to my husband. who's 41 for 16 years. I have known I was bisexual since my early 20s. I met my husband pre-transition, and he has always liked men only. We went into the marriage as husband and wife, but deep down I think we both knew he was trans. Eight years ago when it became more widely accepted. to be transgender, he came out. Obviously, as a bisexual man, the transition had no effect. on our relationship or my feelings for him.

I've supported him every step of the way. I was and still am in love with him. His immediate family wasn't supportive, although over the last few years, his parents have reentered his life and begun rekindling. their relationship with him. We are financially stable, we have paid off our house, a car each, and no kids, so all our income is either spent. on living comfortably or saved up. He has been on T for years, and had his top surgery three years ago. In 2021, my mother passed. after a long battle with lung cancer. I inherited a large sum of money from her, as she had.

no siblings, was divorced, and only had two children. It was easily enough money for my husband's bottom surgery, and I was more than happy to give him the money. He had his surgery two months ago. Last week, my husband told me he wants a divorce. He said he is grateful for the love and support I've given. him all these years and that'll always have a special place. in his heart, but now he has fully transitioned, he wants to be able to go and date. and have the full gay man experience. I can't help but feel like it's my fault. I poured my heart and soul into a marriage.

that I thought would last forever, and it's been taken. from me through an act of my own kindness. Huh. - Tricky. - I mean, I've experienced that before, friends that have like, transitioned and like, our friendship kind of like, naturally died off, 'cause usually when people like, transition, they like, wanna experience an entire new life, wanna like, experience like who they truly are, and like, they'll cut off a lot of people. from their previous life, not like, because they hate them, just because they wanna like,

you know, develop something new, you know, and it's like, kinda like, a natural mental movement, I guess. Also, I just recently found a 3D diagram. of how bottom surgery works, and it is very fascinating. - Can you forward me that? - They turn, one of the balls is the pump. It's really cool. - That's really cool. (Mac laughing). - I'll forward it to you. I was like, ooh, I always, always wondered, always had questions. - You know, and I see what you're saying, and I think that's true even for like, you know,

in many way in relationships, where like someone goes. through something big of kind of realizing who they are, and it doesn't have to be transitioning. It can be just like, oh, I realize that the life. that I'm living is not what I love, and then you kinda become a new person, and it's tough. Even if you still love that person, it's like, but I'm, you kind of have to restart a relationship, or it's like, no, this doesn't work for me. I don't see any issues with any of this, other than I guess I see, but I see the issue of like, okay,

this person paid for the whole thing. - That's the only thing. - And then it's like, all right, thank you for that, now I'm out. It's like, wait, did you? But maybe they didn't know they were gonna feel this way. - Clearly, they didn't. - Like, I think it's like, it was a revelation afterwards, but they're also not really stating anything of like, hey, and I know you, you paid for this entirely. Okay, so 6,000 to $24,000, just the surgery can be. Obviously, I'm assuming. health insurance probably doesn't cover it.

in a lot of places. - I just wonder like, 16 years is a lot, and I understand like, clearly, he didn't know. that he was gonna want to go date and like, be this thing. It's like, I wish they could have made like, opened the relationship or something to just kind of like, let that happen, but overall, this just kind of feels. like it kind of just happened that way, and the title of like, I regret doing it. It's like, it's not your fault. I mean, it's not. Like, this needed to happen, this is what they wanted,

and it's like, you know, I don't know. - I guess I see that, like, I understand that, but I also understand the absolute pain that would cause. Comments are, dude, it's not your fault. He took advantage of your kindness. Your soon-to-be ex-husband sounds selfish, and I hope you find someone better, because you deserve it. I don't, yeah, see, 'cause I kind of see it more like, I think it was a revelation he had after the surgery, and I think it was like (bleep) like, oh my God, I have to go do this. What I also wonder is now that they're trans, like,

I wonder if just the husband is always gonna be. a reminder of like-. - Which husband? - The trans, like, now that they're fully in the body. that is theirs, but every time they're with their husband, they're gonna be like, but we got married when I was, it's gonna be hard. Like, I get that there might be like, it might just be like, I can't let go of my old life is part of this. It's like, I can't restart a new thing with you.

Like, I could almost see this person going out. and having the full gay man experience for a few years. and then being able to be like, I could now do this, because now it's like a restart. Some other comments are, he could have had. the full gay man experience with you, his loss and yours. I'm so sorry you did this for your future together. You literally set him free. His decision is not your fault. You gave him a gift, and he is throwing your kindness. back in your face, repeat, not your fault. Someone else said take him to court for the money back. That's so wrong.

You were just trying to help make him comfortable, but he completely took advantage of that. Yeah, see, I don't, obviously we have limited information, but I just don't see it as malicious. I'm really seeing this as like truly inner conflict, like, (bleep). - Right. I mean if he was like, "Thanks for the surge,". then it's like, you're an asshole. - And I'm very curious if there were conversations, like, this is a recent post. I'm curious if there's conversations. about the financial aspect. Like, that's the only thing that I'm going like, hey, like,

you know, but people have different opinions on it. Next post, this comes from r/Advice, but then was reposted on r/AmITheDevil so. - Oh. - Okay. - That's a leap. - Huge. - That's a leap I've never seen before. - Possibly asexual, getting married. I had some sex as a teenager, but never enjoyed it. Really, I hated it from the first time, but I kept trying it since I thought. I was just with the wrong person or not good at it. Despite my lack of interest in sex, I always have wanted a wife and a family.

I also do really enjoy being with women. from a friendship and romantic standpoint. I just didn't like the sex part. Because of my disinterest in such activity, I decided in my early 20s to just date women. who were saving themselves for marriage, as that would be the perfect arrangement for me. That was a good decision, but now that I am engaged, I have been having some worries about it again. I suspect that I may be asexual, but honestly, I am really hoping that I just was not mature enough. when I first started and that I will end up enjoying it.

with someone I love in the context of marriage. Any advice for a guy like me? - Any advice for a guy like me? - So he's dating someone who's saving herself for marriage, which means this girl has the hopes that her husband will be. the only person she has sex with. They're gonna have sex, she will lose his virginity to him, and then her choice will be either to live. in a sexually unsatisfying marriage forever, or divorce and go find someone else. It feels so manipulative because he already knows. how his fiance feels about sex and how important.

the commitment must be to her. He's the one deceiving her by omission. - I agree. I mean, fingers crossed that the woman who's saving herself. for marriage is also asexual. They both do it, and they're like, oh. - Oh, that's it? - That's it. Let's do in vitro, get this over with. - Yeah, it's interesting that he can't just be. kind of open about this, 'cause I feel like. there is a community there, and he could definitely meet. someone else who's like, yeah, I'm not into that.

- Absolutely. - Cool. You are not being honest with the woman you are going. to marry, so I can't be sure you are honest with this post. Did you have a traumatic experience with sex? Were you abused, or are you asexual? You need to discuss all of this. with your future wife in great detail. You have been doing the easy thing. Now you have to do the hard thing, the real thing, the honest thing. OP responded to that saying, after my first time, the girl told a bunch of people that I didn't finish. and started crying afterwards, which was true, but still something I think she should have kept to herself.

I don't know if that was traumatic enough. to cause me to become asexual, but I would say. that as each subsequent time went poorly, I did get progressively more in my own head. about my inability and lack of enjoyment, which had a snowballing effect until I started dating. only girls who didn't want to have sex while dating. I think this person needs to go to therapy. - Didn't finish, then cried afterwards? - Yeah. - You know that's therapy. - They need to go to a sex therapist. and talk this out and figure it out.

- And find out if they are asexual or if-. - Yeah. - They just are scared they're not gonna (bleep) again. Nothing wrong with not (bleep). - It's okay to be (bleep) shy. We all are sometimes. - Sometimes it doesn't happen, too tired, too early in the morning. - Sometimes it can jus be like a drip, and you're like, oh no. - You're like, honestly, didn't have enough water. (Shayne laughing). - There's a drought. You shouldn't marry someone you haven't had. these full, honest conversations with. I think like, you know, people decide to, I'm curious 'cause I'm obviously not religious,

but like, people who are waiting till after marriage, I think they should still have in-depth talks about sex. and what they think they would want out of it and stuff. Like, you know, if you're not having sex, you should still talk about it. - Right. - It can't be a mystery until it happens. - Exactly, like, your ideas about it, your boundaries, how you'd want to go into it. - The solution to this is the solution to like, 99% of every problem, which is just let's talk about it, talk about, talk about it. - Except for the dad who talks a little too much.

- And he needs to stop talking. - [Shayne] He needs to dial it back. - Talk to somebody else. - Somebody else. - Talk to anybody else, please. Am I the asshole for telling my daughter she wasn't gay? Okay, interesting. - Mean to everybody. You're not gay. I am, I'm the only gay here. (all laughing). - Nobody else. - Nobody else, how dare you? - I, 46, female, am a lesbian, and I've been with my wife for 20 years. We have three children together, ages 18,

her name's Brie, 16 male, and 12 male. Brie is in college and has recently started dating. this girl, Nala. They've been together for about two months. Nala's a nice girl, I met her once, but Brie has never had any interest in women. Her whole childhood was her obsessing. over Justin Bieber or One Direction. Her whole room was filled with posters of them. She knew she could be comfortable coming out if she was. She's made comments to her brother how it feels weird. kissing her and she doesn't know how their moms do it. My wife and I both agreed. that this was just college experimenting.

I know this is a new world, but I also know my daughter. A few days ago we were on the phone and Brie told me. Nala was telling her she should quit her extracurricular. and focus on her major. I reminded her that without soccer she has no scholarship, and how she expected to pay for that? Well, of course, Nala has the idea on how to handle it. We got into a pretty heated argument over it. She said something to me like, "You guys don't care. about my mental health like Nala does.". I snapped and told her, "Stop saying that. You're not even gay.".

- Oop. - Oh. - She got upset and called me a mega asshole, and accused me of being homophobic even though I'm gay. - (laughs) Mean. (all laughing). - Told me she was dropping soccer and hung up the phone. She won't return my calls or texts, and she lives four hours away on campus. I got a little crazy and looked Nala up on Facebook. and texted her asking her to have Brie to get back to me, and Nala left me on scene. This upsets me because I never meant to put my input in.

She can love who she wants to love. I want her happy, but I do think she's moving. extremely too fast into unknown waters. Okay, yeah, I mean-. - Thoughts? (Mac laughing). - Let her explore, let her taste some fruit. I don't know how to explain it. - I get it you're a lesbian parent, so you're like, "I know what gay is.". I think you're an for saying that. I get that the, I guess, the drama is like, oh, how are you gonna pay for your scholarship. if this, whatever.

It's just like, girlfriend, boyfriend, them friend, whatever, it's like, if you just have like, a bad influence, that's the problem. It's like, this person is gonna make you in debt. But I don't know. - I think she had justification for being like, the mom being concerned and stuff about like, hey, this friend is trying to convince you out of something. that's going to (bleep) you over in the future. - [Tommy] Exactly. - Keep the conversation on that. The saying you're not even gay thing-. - Bad. - Really sucks, and it a also completely derailed the point.

that she was trying to get across. Now it's definitely out the window. There's some comments here. Yep, you're the asshole. From one 40 something lesbian to another, you screwed up. You don't get to gatekeep What being gay means. You don't get to define. what your daughter's sexuality is for her. It doesn't matter how open you are at home. It doesn't matter if you are right. It doesn't matter if your parents were homophobic assholes. who threw you out and you made sure. this kid could feel loved and accepted every day. It doesn't matter if she's experimenting, it is her journey. Imagine if you were experimenting and claiming a label.

that felt safe, and your mom said to you, "But you aren't really straight.". Also, she may, in fact, be gay, she may not. She's 18, she may just be starting to sort out. romantic and sexual attraction, and while we're at it, Justin Bieber looks like half of the lesbians I banged. in college, so his picture locker is proof of nothing. (Shayne laughing). - I was gonna say, just having like, pictures of Justin Bieber and One Direction, I feel like that's more of like, a cultural oppression. than anything else. - You could almost say anything that's like, hyper-popular is just like,

that's them just trying to fit in. That could be anything. Wow, have you guys ever felt like, obviously, I don't know, but have you never felt-. - Never felt that gay? All the time. (Shayne laughing). - Have you ever felt gatekept, or have you ever seen. gatekeeping, like, personally like? - Sorry, all I could think. about was spelling gatekeeping, G-A-Y-T. - [Shayne] Nice. (audience laughing). - Put it on a shirt. - [Shayne] That's pretty great. - I don't know, have you ever felt gatekept from gayness? - I mean, on the internets, on the TikToks.

and all that stuff there's a lot of gatekeeping. that goes on, but I personally never felt-. - TikTok's crazy. - Yeah. - Everybody on TikTok is crazy. - TikTok be crazy. (all laughing). - The craziest people from every community. that ever existed is there. on TikTok gatekeeping their community. - I think it's like, if you surround yourself with, or you know, it's like, I didn't have gay parents. I didn't have, you know, any gay people around me. until college, basically, well, high school, but barely.

So it's like I didn't have anyone to be like, "You can't do that," or it's like, "You're not this," or whatever, so it's like, I feel like it's a certain circumstance. to which you are gay gatekept, because at a certain point you're like, I'll do whatever I want, actually. - That's such a unique situation. Like, yeah, this is the opposite of what we hear. from most people. It circles back, you know, the guy gatekeeping himself. who was just like, "Work.". - Yeah, yeah, yeah. (Mac laughing).

The difference being that he's saying that to himself, versus his friends being like, "You don't like RuPaul, you're not gay," you know, it's like-. - Get him. - I like the duck, what's the duck mean? - It's just a random design. - [Mac] An urban duck? - I love it, though. There's a big duck on the back. - All right, now I wanna see the big duck on the back. - Yeah, it's look. - Oh my god. - [Shayne] It's a big duck. - [Mac] Ooh. - It's a very big duck, better walk that duck. (all laughing). - "Drag Race" people.

- More "Drag Race.". - Work. - [Mac] Yes, there you go. (Tommy laughing). - I'm clipping that. I'm using that. - Work. - Work. - Work, if you don't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna-. (all laughing). Don't worry, if you don't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Okay, so I've heard legend of this story. I'm very excited about it. Okay, this is a BestofRedditorUpdates. Am I the asshole for starting a house project. without discussing it with my wife?

My wife Amy, who's 27 and I-. - My wife. - My wife. - Hot damn. - My wife. - Amy, 27, and I, 27, have a spare room in our home. We've gone back and forth since we moved in. two plus years ago about what we wanted to do with it, but we never took the initiative. to actually implement any of these plans. We already have a sufficient number of guest rooms. and an office, so the room just sits there unutilized. I'm not that worried about it, but my wife brings it up now and then. These mentions are just of the unused room itself,

not anything concrete she actually wants to use it for. I made a new friend, Ben. - These rich people problems right now, yeah. We have too many rooms. - I made a new friend, Ben, a 30 year old male. about eight months ago, and it was very much one. of those we connected from the first time. we spoke to each other's situations. I've actually never had that many close male friends, so this connection is especially important to me. The conversation flowed so easily, we had loads in common.

I didn't think such a huge amount of genuine love. and respect for a person could be developed. in less than a year. - Is it becoming "Brokeback Mountain?". - But it's been very cool to experience that. and get to know him. One of the things we bonded over was a similar love. for art and music. Ben is way, way more talented than I am. when it comes to painting, but it's something we both enjoy. His birthday is coming up soon, and I thought on top of what else I was getting him, I could turn the spare room into something similar. to an art studio for both of us to use. I already ordered a few things for it,

and was getting ready to jump into painting the walls. when my wife came in and demanded to know what I was doing. I explained that I was finally fixing up the spare room. She said it was unacceptable I had done this. without confirming with her that it was okay, but I didn't think I would need to since it's been two years. and the room has basically never been touched. Initial thoughts, we're gonna keep going. There's an update, but-. - Yeah, you should probably conversate. with the person you're living with what you're doing. with the room that they see every day too. - So he met a friend, Ben, and within a year he's like,

I'm gonna turn room in my house into an art studio. - [Tommy] For this man. - [Shayne] For Ben. - That's so rich, I wish I had a friend like that. It's pretty awesome. - I know. This is also giving Amanda and I's character couple, old couple, 'cause it was all about turning the room. into a dance studio, 'cause my character was secretly gay. I'm like, I'm getting vibes from this that that is that. He's probably not gay though. He's probably just like obsessed. with this first male friendship. - That's possible. - He's desperate to keep it alive.

- Okay, first off, I'd like to thank everyone. who was compassionate towards me in the comments. Ben and I sat down and talked on Tuesday night. about everything, it was overwhelming, to say the least. He was gentle and sweet as always, and allowed me the time and space. to say everything I needed to. That night was one of the most beautiful of my life. Acceptance, love, and trust are truly so, so powerful, life changing. - And he's married already, he's married to Amy. - [Shayne] They've been married for years. - Amy is Michelle Williams and he is Jake Gyllenhaal.

- Exactly. - Amy and I had a conversation. about the spare room last night. I'd been putting it off since my post a few days ago, and was hoping to wait until the weekend. to talk about it all, but she insisted. I did as a lot of comments suggested and used the renovation. as a lead in to talk about other things going on. I told her that her reaction to it brought up a lot. of confusing emotions for me that I spent the last few days. working through, and things continued from there. I had toyed with the idea of couples therapy, and it was something she suggested, but I don't think it's a viable option.

I love her, but I've come to realize that I was never. in love with her like I once thought. - Stop. - And after getting to really and truly experience that, it wouldn't be fair to either of us if we tried to force. something that I'm not capable of giving her. I'll be splitting my time, staying in one. of our guest rooms/with Ben in his apartment. for the time being while we separate. and work things out moving forward. Obviously, that means the room renovations have been paused. until further notice. I'm really, really excited for the future.

- Oh, he's so excited. (all laughing). - There's a comment here. It's great you have found someone you truly love, but really, dude, have some compassion for Amy. Do you realize you just threw her whole life upside down. by telling her the person she is probably in love with, never actually loved her and never could, and now you also suddenly move in with the person. you truly love into the home she probably envisioned. as a place you two would raise a family? - Michelle Williams. - He responded, I would never say you should live a lie.

to make her family or any of that BS, but you seriously could just do this more tactfully, you know, by not moving in so quickly. Hell, do you even know once the divorce process is done. that either of you will even own this house anymore? The OP replied, sorry, I think my wording is coming off wrong in the post. because another person thought the same thing. To clarify, I didn't move Ben into my home. I meant that I'm now sometimes staying in a guest room. at my own home so Amy and I aren't sleeping in the same bed, and sometimes staying at Ben's. while we get through this transitional period.

Yeah, that's what I figured. Someone else said, if only you had this conversation. before emotionally cheating on her, but at least you took. people's advice and not drag it any longer. Someone commented, are you in love with Ben? He replied, I don't know if I'm fully prepared. to confront this yet. While I subconsciously knew my feelings for Ben were. a lot different and more intense. than anything I had ever felt before, it was hard to even admit that to myself a little while ago. That's why all of the sexuality questions. on the last post felt off to me.

It was forcing me to be vulnerable. They also made me angry in a way, because literal strangers were pointing out things about me. from a simple post few comments. that I struggled to see about myself. In an attempt to answer the question, if this isn't what in love feels like, I'm scared to experience the real thing. with how all-consuming this level of fulfillment already is. Next comment, is he in love with you? You would need to ask him that one. The level of care and overwhelming support. I've received all throughout our friendship, but especially since we had.

our conversation certainly makes me feel loved. I mean, I think this guy is fully in love. - Two things are gonna happen. - Yeah? - Either Ben is gonna be like, "Hey, I'm also in love. with you," and then it's gonna be this great little like, oh, we're gay in our 40s or whatever. Like, that's gonna be cute. Or Ben's gonna be like, "What, no,". and then this guy is going to be like-. - Devastated? - Devastated, because like now it's lost, but like, this needed to happen. He needs to start on this like, journey,

because it's like, Ben was just a way to like, break free of something that wasn't working. - Break his egg open, ah, Oscar. - Oscar, Oscar. - Yeah, I mean, it feels pretty clear. from the way this is all worded-. - [Tommy] He loves Ben. - And I think Ben loves him. Like, I would be shocked if it like, in reality, Ben's just kinda like, "Yeah dude, that's awesome, man.". - Wow, you're giving me so much attention. - Yeah, bro, I mean, I'm here for you whenever you need, man. Hey, you wanna beer?

- Oh my gosh. - You want a beer, dude? - He cares about me. (all laughing). He knows I like alcohol, oh. (all laughing). - If that's what's happening, then Amy's like, "(bleep) you" all the time, and it's just like, oh, I don't love this. - You can just tell by his lack of detail. about Amy that he is just kinda like-. - He's out, he's done with Amy. - Michelle Williams. - Michelle Williams. - Oh, see I was picturing Anne Hathaway. - How dare you? (all laughing). - (bleep) you. (all laughing).

- This is from r/TrueOffMyChest, I thought I was straight, but I think I've, this is a 17 year old, but I think. I have fallen in love with my best friend who's also 17. - Oh. - There's not much more to explain than the title says. Every night before I go to bed, he sends me a good night, I love you message. I've never had the chance to tell him how much it means. to me out of risk of sounding cringe or some shit, but every time he says it, it just makes me feel so genuinely loved and cared for. I feel queasy and fluttery when I'm around him. I feel such an attraction to him, but he's straight,

very much like I thought I was. I don't know what I am now. I've never had a successful healthy relationship with women. I've never felt the same attraction to them as I do him. It kind of hurts me knowing. I'll never get that chance with him. I can't control it, though, and I know I'd get. extremely bullied and called slurs for liking a man. I don't know what to do. There's some comments here. I think you should take a little bit more time to examine. your feelings thoroughly so that way you know for sure. Sexuality is a spectrum, and the only person.

who could figure out your feelings is you. With that being said, if you feel like you want him to know. because your attraction and your feelings are true, then I say tell him, however, if you think it's too much of a gamble and are worried. about how others will perceive you and your safety, obviously, then I say put a pin in it to see. how your relationship continues to progress, and then when you feel safe and ready, go for it. The OP said definitely agree. My biggest fear at the moment is rushing things. Have you guys ever had feelings for a friend? I mean, especially like, this is 17 year olds.

I mean, at that age, you know, things are always, I feel like, complicated and confusing. - Have you had a crush on a friend? (all laughing). - You threw it back at me. No, actually, I don't know-. - How dare you. - I know, it feels unrare, not rare, very common. for gay people in their younger years to develop. crushes on their straight friends. It just kind of like happens, you know,

you're close with a guy, your brain does is just like, you know, chemicals and sexuality. - You trust that person. - Right, and so like, of course, you probably might start developing feelings. I didn't have that. I'm very happy, 'cause I don't know, I think that had been a trope enough that I was like, don't fall in love with your straight friends. They're your straight friends like that, and it gets messy. But you know, if everyone's 17 in this story and every, you know, if everyone's 17, then it's like, I don't know,

maybe the straight friend is not just straight. They just run the risk of like, losing this friendship. if they bring it up, but they might need to do that, 'cause otherwise, it might be torturous for them. - Yeah, maybe your friends are gross. - Maybe your friends are gross. (all laughing). Yeah, I got yucky straight friends. - They're all gross. - I've fallen in love with a straight once or twice. in high school with a straight. (all laughing). - I love the straights. - With a straight, we love the straights. Me and my straight.

(all laughing). Yeah, I've fallen I love with, yeah, a few of my straight friends in the past, and yeah, it gets pretty messy. It's like a unspoken attraction you have with someone. that you know might not be attracted to you, and then suddenly all the small things that they just do, like throw away or something or say to you, you're like, "Oh, how would they say this to me? The love of my life, I'm heartbroken.". - Did you ever say anything to these friends? Did you ever, or did you kinda just keep it all-. - A few little like, hints here and there, asked them a few things.

You know, if they broke up with their girlfriend, I'd be like, "Oh, what happened? Why'd you break up?". - You never straight up were like, "I have a crush on you.". - No, I never would, 'cause it was that fear, you know? That fear being like, ridiculed. or that fear of like, losing a friend, you know? - How did you come to terms with or how did you get. to the point of like, this isn't gonna happen, so that's that, was there? - You have to be straight up to your face. I would just tell myself like, this is not happening. Get over it, you know, move on to someone. that's actually interested in you, basically. You know, it shouldn't be this hard. to get into a relationship with someone.

that's actually showing affection towards you. - Well, let's see what happens here, 'cause there's an update. The majority of comments I was getting on the original post. said to either wait or tell 'em how I feel, so I did, I told him, This morning at 5:20 a.m. we went on an early morning walk. On that walk, I asked him what he thinks. about same sex couples/people who like the same sex. He said, "Is this your way of coming out to me?". Which completely threw me off guard. We walked for a few more minutes in silence before he said,

"Well if it is, I accept your feelings. I've really liked you since year nine, just thought you were straight.". I find it humorous, considering I was in the same predicament. Anyways, we're going on a date this Sunday. - Ooh. (Shayne laughing). - What can I say, I got some chills. It's a sweet little story. (all laughing). - Update two. - Oh no, are they married? - Those children are gonna get crazier. - Okay.

- Oh yeah, so this is two days later. It was amazing. 12-ish p.m., we went to this extremely nice cafe. around the corner from our neighborhood, ate some lunch, and then headed to a local cinema. He held my (bleep) hand, my hand. After the cinema, we headed back to his house to hang out. for a little bit and just talk random topics. of conversation, et cetera, et cetera. When I was leaving, he kissed me on the cheek. One final point, I truly appreciate all the support. and encouragement from you guys. I would've been stuck in that same cycle of fear.

without the tips and encouragements, thank you all so much. Another update, this is months later. It's been a bit of a ride. As of last week, I moved in with my boyfriend, I turned 18. I started working a well paying job, work, and my school life has been incredible. - An ally. (all laughing). - Any sort of like, it's all gone, I lost it all. - I appreciate all the support I got previously. I'll keep you all updated as time goes, that's so sweet.

- That's so nice. - [Shayne] That's the best possible. - They got together? - Yeah. - And they moved in together? - They moved in together. - Wow. - That won't last. (all laughing). - Let's not talk about that. (all laughing). - Let's keep it precious. I will say when you get older, these little like, magic things are not as frequent, so this is very precious, and reminds me of my younger days, you know? - Yeah. - I'm old.

- Well, certainly, I mean, it's very sweet like, and I'd say it's very lucky that this person, like, the first person that they fell in love with, it's like, you get the whole like, you know, free form channel like, love story here, whereas like, I just feel like most of the time, that does not happen. - Oh, they'll be chasing this high. for the rest of their life. - I feel like most people, I would say most people, the first person you fall. in love with absolutely does not know you exist, or like, does not feel that same way. I feel like that's the most common, so this person hit the lottery,

so hey, wow, what a positive note to end on. How are y'all feeling? - Sweet and warm from the story. (all laughing). - I don't believe that for some reason. - Why not? - I'm so happy, I swear I'm happy. - I'm feeling great. - Work. - I don't know, these were all over the place, all over the map. - Would you say there were gay rights and gay wrongs? - Yes, both. (Mac laughing).

- Who was the wrongest in all of this? - [Mac] The wrongest. - I somehow think the dad, even though he was fine, there's just, that was the most insane person out of all. There's worst people. The brother-in-law is probably the worst. There was a lot of like-. - Yeah, the brother-in-law was the worst. The dad was too much. - The dad was a lot, the most extreme. - It's like, what's worse, getting punched in the face. or an actual tornado? You know what I mean? (Mac laughing). It's like because a tornado, it's like one is personal,

and you're like, "Ow, you're homophobic,". and the other one is like, "Nah.". You know, it's like. (all laughing). - 'Cause you know you have to say. a tornado's not homophobic, it's just a tornado, it is just all over the place. (laughs). - I agree, dad's the worst. - Forever, that's his dad for the rest of his life. That's crazy. - At least he's got an extended family of sex workers. (audience laughing). - I wonder if we can (bleep). (all laughing). I wonder if there's a photo of a gay rat wedding dress.

somewhere on the internet. You know there's probably something. She's probably not the only one to make that dress too. I bet you other people-. - Yeah, that's the sad part. - Yeah, she seems like someone who would be posting. a lot about this dress. She's really happy about it. - Yeah, she's on a Pinterest somewhere. - It's on a Pinterest. - Oh, for sure. Well, thank you both for joining me today. This has been a ride, and thank you all for watching. As always, please send us Reddit stories that you find, put 'em on the Smosh Reddit, send 'em to us on Twitter,

anywhere, and we will read them here, and if there's updates on these stories, we will read those. But until next time, we'll see you later. Goodbye. - [Kiana] Say the thing. - Work. - Yes. - Oh, and also work. (all laughing) (clapping). Thank you.